King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 3, Episode 23 - Wings of the Dope - full transcript
Luanne believes that the angel of her late boyfriend Buckley has visited her.
HERE'S $300 CASH
FOR MY NEXT SEMESTER,
MS. KREMZER.
COUNT IT--
IT'S ALL THERE.
MM-HMM...
WELL, THERE'S STILL
AN INCREDIBLY COMPLICATED
HAIR-DYEING EXAM COMING UP,
PLATTER.
YOU'VE GOT
TO PASS THAT
TO EVEN QUALIFY
FOR THE FINAL SEMESTER.
I WON'T LET YOU DOWN,
MS. KREMZER.
YEAH, SURE.
LOOK, IT'S LUANNE.
IT SURE HAS BEEN A HARD YEAR
FOR YOU, LUANNE,
WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND BLOWING UP
AND LOSING ALL YOUR HAIR
AND BEING ON
ACADEMIC PROBATION
BUT YOU KNOW,
IF YOU PASS THIS LAST EXAM
IT'LL TURN EVERYTHING AROUND.
( cackling )
SAD.
VERY SAD.
WHAT IS KAHN THINKING?
HE BOUGHT THE
BEST TRAMPOLINE
OF BUCKLEY'S ESTATE
AND HE'S LETTING
IT GO TO POT.
MAYBE WE OUGHT
TO TALK TO KAHN.
THIS IS A FIX-IT
OPPORTUNITY
THAT ONLY HAPPENS
IN THE MOVIES.
HEY, I KNOW WHAT
WE COULD DO.
BILL, REMEMBER WHEN WE
GOT YOU TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH
BY SAYING YOU DIDN'T KNOW HOW?
YEAH...
REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY.
THAT'LL NEVER WORK.
YES, IT WILL.
GOTCHA!
( chuckling )
( sobbing: )
I JUST TOOK A TEST LAST SEMESTER
AND NOW I'VE GOT ANOTHER TEST.
IT'S NOT FAIR.
HOW OFTEN IN REAL LIFE
ARE YOU TESTED?
( sobbing )
UH, YEAH--
OKAY, THEN.
THE GIRLS AT BEAUTY ACADEMY
ARE SO MEAN!
( sobbing )
THEY ARE MEAN.
YOU MADE YOUR
POINT, BILL.
WELL, IF YOU GUYS ARE HERE
WHO'S GUARDING TRASH CANS
IN ALLEY?
( laughing )
SAY, KAHN,
WE WERE JUST THINKING...
WE DON'T WANT
TO FIX YOUR
TRAMPOLINE.
I DO.
BILL!
WHAT?
DALE.
GAH!
OH...!
NOW I GET IT.
YOU REDNECKS WANT
TO FIX MY TRAMPOLINE
BUT WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?
WELL, UH...
YOU MOW MY LAWN FOR TWO MONTHS.
ALL RIGHT.
( laughing )
( all laughing )
PLAYED HIM LIKE
A DAMN FIDDLE.
EXCELLENT, SHARONA.
IF I DIDN'T KNOW
THAT TAIL WAS ATTACHED
TO A HORSE'S REAR END
I'D SWEAR IT WAS CHER'S.
THANK YOU, MISS KREMZER.
OH, VERY GOOD.
EXCELLENT HIGHLIGHTS.
LUANNE PLATTER.
IT'S NOT FAIR--
MY CUSTOMER KEPT SWATTING FLIES.
STEP AWAY FROM THE HORSE.
HM, CHER'S HAIR IS FAKE ANYHOW.
I AM TOO GOING TO PASS
THAT TEST.
WHIP OUT THOSE PLANS.
LET'S GO, LET'S GO,
LET'S GO.
I'VE TAKEN
THE LIBERTY
OF DRAWING UP
SOME SCHEMATICS.
NOW, HERE'S THE TRAMPOLINE
THAT IS
AND HERE IS THE TRAMPOLINE
THAT COULD BE.
( all whoahing )
UH-OH.
I'M ON IT.
HEY, LUANNE, UH...
YOU LOOK
PRETTY TODAY.
RIGHT GUYS?
( all agreeing )
( sighing )
BUCKLEY.
THIS WAS BUCKLEY'S TRAMPOLINE.
IT WAS HIS FAVORITE ONE.
HE NAMED IT NUMBER ONE.
( sobbing )
( sighing )
ALL RIGHT,
WHERE WERE WE?
( indistinct gabbing )
Dale:
WELL, SOME PEOPLE SAY
IT'S TOO BAD BUCKLEY'S DEAD
BUT I SAY THIS TRAMPOLINE
SURE IS GOING TO BE BEAUTIFUL.
Hank:
YEP. GOOD NIGHT.
Dale:
NIGHT, HANK.
Bill:
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
Boomhauer:
GOOD NIGHT, MAN.
Dale:
BILL.
( sighing )
WHO ARE YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WELL, WHAT?
CHICKEN-BUTT.
BUCKLEY!
HEY.
PSYCHE.
( chuckling )
WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOU BEING DEAD?
ARE YOU AN ANGEL?
DON'T WEAR IT OUT.
( both chuckling )
YOU ARE AN ANGEL.
UNLESS YOU'RE JUST
A HALLUCINOGEN OF MY MIND.
IF YOU'RE REALLY
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL
THEN TELL ME SOMETHING
ONLY THE REAL BUCKLEY
WOULD KNOW.
UH, YOU HAVE
A BIRTHMARK
ON YOUR BUTT
THE SHAPE OF
A HONDA KEY.
YOU ARE A REAL ANGEL.
( melodic guitar intro playing)
♪ THE SALVATION ARMY BAND
PLAYED ♪
♪ AND THE CHILDREN
DRUNK LEMONADE ♪
♪ AND THE MORNING
LASTED ALL DAY ♪
♪ ALL DAY ♪
♪ AND THROUGH AN OPEN WINDOW
IT CAME ♪
♪ LIKE SINATRA
IN A YOUNGER DAY ♪
♪ PUSHING THE TOWN AWAY ♪
♪ AH ♪
♪ HEY-OH, MA-MA-MA,
HEY-OH, HEY-OH ♪
♪ HEY-OH, MA-MA-MA, HEY ♪
♪ LIFE IN A NORTHERN TOWN ♪
♪ HEY, MA-MA-MA-MA... ♪
( music fades )
LUANNE, YOU LOOK POSITIVELY
RADIANT THIS MORNING.
YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT,
ARE YOU?
MM, DISREGARD.
ALL RIGHT.
SAUSAGE.
ALL RIGHT, SAUSAGE.
I HAVE AN
ANNOUNCEMENT
TO MAKE.
LAST NIGHT, I HAD
A RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.
IX-NAY, IX-NAY.
OBBY-BAY TOO-YAY OUNG-YAY.
LAST NIGHT,
I WAS VISITED BY AN ANGEL--
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
COOL.
MM-HMM, HE WAS ON
THE TRAMPOLINE
AND HE SAID TO TELL Y'ALL "HEY."
I THINK SOMEONE'S
BEEN STUDYING A LITTLE TOO HARD
FOR HER BEAUTY SCHOOL TEST.
PROBABLY SHARONA JOHNSON.
SHE'S ALWAYS STUDYING--
IT'S NOT FAIR.
ANYWAYS, BUCKLEY'S ANGEL AND ME
JUMPED SOME AND THEN, UM...
MOSTLY WE JUST JUMPED
BUT I FEEL BETTER
JUST KNOWING HE'S OKAY.
( chuckling: )
AN ANGEL.
ALL RIGHT.
SHE HAS GIVEN ME
THE HEEBIEST OF JEEBIES.
THE ANGEL PART, SURE
BUT THE WHOLE
NOT CRYING THING?
I LIKE THAT.
I LIKE THAT A LOT.
I TOLD HER USE
PROPER VENTILATION
AROUND THOSE
HAIR CHEMICALS.
SHE'S PROBABLY
JUST STRESSED OUT, PEGGY,
BUT IF THIS HELPS HER
LET HER THINK
WHATEVER SHE WANTS.
SHE SEES BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
NOLAN RYAN SAW HIS ARM
AS A ROCKET LAUNCHER
AND THE CATCHER'S MITT
AS SADDAM HUSSEIN.
DON'T MESS WITH A GOOD THING,
PEGGY.
JUST BE COOL.
I'M COOL.
( knocking )
SO, LUANNE, UH...
THIS ANGEL CERTAINLY SEEMS
TO HAVE MADE YOU HAPPY.
OH, YES.
I THINK THAT IT'S A SIGN
THAT GOD IS...
SURE, SURE, RIGHT-- GOD.
I'LL BET GOD SENT YOU
THIS GUARDIAN ANGEL.
THIS STAND-ON-YOUR-OWN-TWO-FEET
ANGEL.
AND IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
FROM NOW ON
YOU DON'T HAVE TO CRY
BECAUSE BUCKLEY'S ANGEL
WILL HELP YOU THROUGH YOUR TESTS
OR MAYBE FIND AN APARTMENT
OR WHATEVER.
OOH.
MY GUARDIAN ANGEL.
YEP...
FIND AN APARTMENT.
RED ALERT,
RED ALERT.
HEY, BOOMHAUER AND MISTER
DAUTERIVE AND MISTER GRIBBLE.
( chuckling )
WHAT IN THE NAME
OF HELL WAS THAT?
LUANNE CLAIMS SHE
SAW BUCKLEY'S ANGEL
LAST NIGHT ON
THE TRAMPOLINE.
I CONVINCED HER IT WAS
HER GUARDIAN ANGEL
AND NOW SHE'S
ON AN EVEN KEEL.
I SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THIS
YEARS AGO.
IT'S LIKE SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND
I NEVER HAVE TO MEET.
AHH...
HEY, LOOK
IT'S LUANNE,
WALKING HER BOOK.
I'M NOT WALKING MY BOOK.
I'M WAITING FOR
MY GUARDIAN ANGEL.
BUCKLEY HAS COME BACK
FROM THE DEAD
TO BOUNCE ON HIS TRAMPOLINE
AND HELP ME WITH MY EXAM.
( all laughing )
DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?
YOU'RE CRAZY.
I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR MYSELF.
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL HEARS MYSELF.
WELL, YOU ARE GOING
TO FAIL THE HAIR DYE TEST
AND FLUNK OUT OF BEAUTY SCHOOL
AND HAVE TO WORK
AT THE MALL
AT THE PRETZEL PLACE
AND WE'LL ALL BE
FAMOUS HAIRDRESSERS
AND WE'LL ALL BE ON
THE THIRD FLOOR OF THE MALL
WORKING ON THE PEOPLE'S HAIR
WHO EAT PRETZELS
AT THE PRETZEL PLACE.
( all laughing )
WELL, I'LL JUST SPIT
ON YOUR PRETZELS, AND...
NO, THAT'S OKAY.
I FORGIVE YOU BECAUSE
I HAVE A GUARDIAN ANGEL NOW.
EW!
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL,
CAN YOU PLEASE MELT
SHARONA JOHNSON'S FACE?
OH, AND HELP ME PASS MY TEST?
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL?
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL?
OKAY, LET'S GET TO IT.
WHAT'S THIS? A NOTE?
Bill:
OH! TH-THAT'S NOBODY'S.
HANK, GIVE IT BACK.
"DEAR BUCKLEY'S ANGEL,
"BRING ME A WOMAN.
"ANY WOMAN.
LOVE, BILL F.
de la T. DAUTERIVE."
NOW, NOW,
THAT'S BETWEEN ME
AND BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
THERE IS
NO BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
THERE WAS BARELY A BUCKLEY.
THAT GREASEBALL COULDN'T FIND
A HAMMER IN THE MEGA LO MART.
HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY
FIND YOU A WOMAN?
YOU HAVE YOUR GODS,
AND I HAVE MINE.
BILL, SHUT UP.
DALE, LIFT YOUR END.
( screaming )
IT'S A SIGN!
WE'VE BEEN PLAYING GOD
WITH BUCKLEY'S TRAMPOLINE
NOW GOD IS PLAYING GOD WITH US.
AND HE'S A LOT BETTER AT IT.
I REFUSE TO TOUCH
THIS PORTHOLE TO HELL.
( sighs )
LOOK, WE GOT A PROJECT GOING ON
AND BOOMHAUER AND I ARE
THE ONLY SANE ONES AROUND HERE.
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
YOU KNOW, HAD A NOTHING
BUT TIME A LITTLE OFF, MAN
I BEEN WORKING ON IT
FOR HOURS, MAN
AND BUCKLEY WALK UP
AND JUST TOUCH THE HOOD.
JUST TOUCHES THE HOOD, MAN.
THAT DODGE WAS HEALED, MAN.
"YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH
THE VALLEY OF
THE SHADOW OF DEATH"
MAN, I DON'T TAKE NO...
I AM THIS CLOSE TO FIXING
THE TRAMPOLINE MYSELF.
NO, NO, NO-- DON'T TOUCH IT
OR THE ANGEL WON'T COME BACK
AND I'LL BE ALONE FOREVER.
HOO-WEE.
IT IS A HOT ONE,
TODAY, HUH?
SO... MINH...
HAVE YOU EVER HAD
ANY RELIGIOUS VISIONS?
THIS ABOUT BUCKLEY'S ANGEL,
HUH, PEGGY HILL?
YOU KNOW?
NOT TOO MUCH HAPPEN
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
WHEN SOMEONE COMES BACK
FROM DEAD, IT GETS AROUND.
I MEAN, LUANNE
IS CLEARLY CRAZY.
IF IT WAS A TRUE
RELIGIOUS VISION
WHY WOULD IT
COME TO HER?
I WAS HOME.
UH-HUH.
I MEAN, I HAVE HAD
MY CLOSE CALLS.
ONE TIME, I HEARD A VOICE SAY,
"JESUS IS LOVE"
RIGHT IN MY EAR
BUT THEN, WHEN I TURNED OFF
THE HAIR DRYER
IT WAS SUDDENLY GONE.
Luanne:
AMEN.
AMEN.
AMEN.
Dale:
RUN, HANK!
PORTHOLE TO HELL!
( frustrated sigh )
LUANNE'S GOT
EVERYBODY
GOING ANGEL
CRAZY, PEGGY.
OH, DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE HEARING "JESUS
IS LOVE" AGAIN.
( gasping ):
JESUS IS LOVE.
SO, STUDYING FOR
YOUR BIG, UH... HAIR TEST?
WELL, I'M WAITING
FOR BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
I THOUGHT WE MIGHT DO
FLASH CARDS.
YEAH. OKAY.
WELL, I'M SURE, WITH HIS HELP,
YOU'LL DO JUST FINE.
YOU'LL PASS THE TEST AND HE'LL
HAVE FINISHED HIS GOOD DEED
AND THERE'LL BE NO NEED FOR HIM
TO COME BACK TO EARTH AGAIN.
AND IF YOU DO SEE
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL AGAIN
IT'LL ACTUALLY BE
AN EVIL ANGEL OF DEATH.
I DIDN'T MAKE UP THE RULES.
IT'S IN THE BIBLE.
GOOD LUCK, NOW.
( sniffling )
WHERE IS HE?
BUCKLEY ALWAYS DID THIS TO ME.
ONE TIME, WE WERE
SUPPOSED TO SEE COLOR ME BADD
AND HE NEVER SHOWED UP.
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD
TO THAT CONCERT ALL WEEK
AND WHEN I TOLD HIM
HE JUST SAID,
"CHICKEN BEAK."
HE BETTER NOT BE GUARDIANING
SOME OTHER GIRL.
MAYBE I SHOULD DROP OUT
OF BEAUTY SCHOOL, AUNT PEGGY.
WHAT?! LUANNE, YOU HAVE WANTED
TO GO TO BEAUTY SCHOOL
SINCE YOU WERE SIX.
YOU HAVE WANTED TO
GRADUATE BEAUTY SCHOOL
SINCE YOU WERE 12.
IF YOU GIVE UP ON SCHOOL,
HONEY, YOU ARE GIVING
UP ON YOUR DREAMS.
"EDUCATION IS THE SLEEPING PILL
THAT MAKES DREAMS HAPPEN."
PEGGY HILL.
BUT SCHOOL IS HARD.
I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP
AND SELL PRETZELS.
UH-UH.
NOW YOU HAVE TO REACH
DEEP INSIDE YOURSELF
AND STOP DEPENDING ON
YOUR UNCLE OR YOUR BOYFRIEND
OR YOUR BOYFRIEND'S ANGEL.
THIS TIME, IT IS ALL UP TO YOU.
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL
HELPS THOSE WHO
HELP THEMSELVES.
I'LL DO IT.
YOU'LL HELP ME, RIGHT?
OF COURSE.
( snoring )
( yawning )
( gasping )
I DON'T WHY YOU DIDN'T
COME, BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
IF THIS IS SOME KIND OF TEST
I'LL HAVE TO TAKE A MAKEUP TEST
BECAUSE I HAVE A MAKEUP AND
A HAIR TEST THIS MORNING.
HEY.
( gasping )
OH, YOU FINALLY
SHOWED UP.
THANK YOU,
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
THANK YOU.
UH-HUH. YOU'RE GOING
TO FAIL THE TEST.
WHAT?!
YEAH, I HAVE A MESSAGE
FROM JESUS.
SOMETHING ABOUT HOW
YOU SUCK AT BEAUTY SCHOOL
EXCEPT WORDED NICER.
UH, HERE... UH...
"LUANNE, YOU REALLY SUCK
AT BEAUTY SCHOOL.
"DROP OUT.
LOVE, JESUS."
HUH. HE UNDERLINED "REALLY."
I GUESS IT WASN'T NICER.
I THOUGHT ANGELS WERE
SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD.
YOU'RE A TERRIBLE ANGEL,
BUCKLEY.
I WISH YOU NEVER DIED.
HEY, JESUS SAID IT, NOT ME.
YOU ARE MEAN.
JUST LIKE WHEN YOU
WERE MY BOYFRIEND.
BUT I HAVE FAITH IN ME
AND I AM NOT GOING
TO BE TRAILER TRASH.
I'M GOING TO GRADUATE
AND I'M GOING TO DO MAKEUPS
AND I'M GOING TO HAVE THE
BIGGEST TRUCK IN HOLLYWOOD!
JESUS SAYS YOU'RE MEANT
FOR SOMETHING ELSE.
HE CAN'T SAY WHAT.
WELL, Y'ALL ARE WRONG.
I'M MEANT FOR BEAUTY SCHOOL.
NUH-UH.
UH-HUH.
NUH-UH.
UH-HUH!
NUH-UH!
YES!
( both screaming )
BAIL!
( horn honks )
OH, MY GOSH.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I THINK I'M OKAY.
I WAS UP ALL NIGHT STUDYING
AND... AND I WAS SO TIRED.
AND I WAS DRIVING AND NOW I'M...
DO YOU WANT
TO SIT DOWN?
YES, VERY MUCH.
( gasping )
OH, LOOK-- I LOOK TERRIBLE.
AND I HAVE TO TAKE A TEST.
SO?
LOOKS ARE TEN PERCENT
OF THE GRADE.
LOOKS? WELL,
WHAT CLASS ARE
YOU TAKING?
I BET IT'S
STATISTICS WITH
PROFESSOR RUTLEDGE.
HE'S SUCH A PIG.
NO, IT'S HAIR COLORING
WITH MS. KREM...
WAIT... WAIT... YOU THOUGHT
THAT I WAS IN SCHOOL WITH YOU?
IN COLLEGE?
YEAH, WHY NOT?
YOU SURE
YOU'RE OKAY?
YEAH, 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT TO GO
WATCH SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER
FOR OUR AMERICAN
CULTURES CLASS.
YEAH, I'M OKAY.
WELL, GOOD LUCK
ON YOUR TEST.
HEY, LUANNE,
WHERE'S YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL?
PARKING THE CAR?
( derisive laughter )
ALL RIGHT, LET'S BEGIN.
GLOVES ON.
( humming )
SO, UH...
ANY ANGEL SIGHTINGS
THIS EVENING?
Dale:
NO, NOT YET.
OOPS.
WELL, NOW, WHAT'S THIS?
HUH. IT'S A LETTER.
"FROM THE DESK OF
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL."
( gasping )
LET'S SEE HERE--
"DEAR BILL, BOOMHAUER
AND DALE...
"I HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO
FIND A WOMAN FOR BILL.
"ANY WOMAN.
"OR A CRANKSHAFT
FROM A 1968 DODGE.
"AND THE PORTHOLE TO HELL
IS ACTUALLY LOCATED
"IN HANK'S GARAGE,
NEAR ALL OF HIS TOOLS
"WHICH SHOULD BE
AVOIDED BY ANYONE
AFRAID OF THE
PORTHOLE TO HELL."
WELL, THAT'S THAT.
GOOD-BYE,
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
GOOD-BYE,
BUCKLEY'S ANG...
HOLD THE PHONE.
LET ME SEE
THAT LETTER.
( mumbling )
( gasping )
THAT'S NOT BUCKLEY'S
HANDWRITING.
HANK!
( all mumbling )
B... B... BUT...
GOOD.
NOW, I BELIEVE WE HAVE
A TRAMPOLINE TO FIX.
I GUESS I COULD
PITCH IN A LITTLE BIT.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
( excited giggles )
GUESS WHAT?
YOU ACED THE EXAM.
I KNEW IT.
OH! CONGRATULATIONS, LUANNE.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
EVEN BETTER, AUNT PEGGY.
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL CAME BACK
AND THEN I ALMOST HIT
A WIENER WAGON
BUT FIRST, BUCKLEY SAID
JESUS SAID
I WAS MEANT FOR SOMETHING ELSE
AND I THOUGHT JESUS
MEANT SOMETHING WORSE
AND THEN I REMEMBERED
YOU TELLING ME
NOT TO GIVE UP
ON MY DREAMS.
AND I REALIZED THAT
HE MEANT SOMETHING BETTER.
AND I GOT MY TUITION REFUND
FROM MS. KREMZER
AND ENROLLED AT
ARLEN COMMUNITY COLLEGE
JUST LIKE JESUS SAID.
( giggles and screams )
COLLEGE?
REAL COLLEGE?
OH, LUANNE, YOU ARE DREAMING
WITH THE BIG BOYS NOW.
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY
OF MY LIFE!
( chuckling ):
LUANNE, WELL,
THAT'S GREAT.
I MEAN... WOW.
BUT YOU'LL BE
MOVING INTO A DORM.
ALL OF OUR DREAMS
HAVE COME TRUE.
( chuckling )
UM, WELL, UNCLE HANK,
WITH TUITION AND BOOKS
AND BACK-TO-SCHOOL CLOTHES
I CAN'T AFFORD TO MOVE OUT NOW.
WELL...
I GUESS AS LONG AS
YOU'RE IN SCHOOL
BETTERING YOURSELF
AND WHATNOT...
THANK YOU, UNCLE HANK.
DON'T THANK ME...
HUG YOUR AUNT PEGGY.
I'M GOING TO START OUT
AS A LIBERAL ARTIST.
I MIGHT EVEN GO PRE-MED.
IT'S REALLY
THE SAME AS...
HUH.
I DIDN'T KNOW THERE
WAS A WIENER WAGON
STOPPING IN ARLEN.
OBVIOUSLY NOT...
OR YOU WOULD HAVE
TAKEN ME.
HEY.
( gasping )
UH... I JUST CAME
BACK TO SAY
I'M SORRY I BAILED
OUT OF THE CAR.
I KNEW YOU WEREN'T
REALLY A JERK.
YEAH.
WELL, UH... I GOT TO GO.
JESUS IS HAVING A PARTY TONIGHT.
IT'S GONNA ROCK.
THERE'LL PROBABLY BE
A LOT OF PEOPLE THERE
BUT IF YOU SEE JESUS...
TELL HIM I SAID THANKS.
GOOD-BYE, BUCKLEY.
BEFORE I GO... UM...
COULD I HAVE
ONE LAST KISS?
MM-HMM.
( gasping )
NO...
THAT PART'S OVER.
WHY?
CHICKEN THIGH.
( "Life in a Northern Town"
playing )
♪ OH, HEY-OH, MA-MA-MA ♪
( chanting )
♪ HEY-OH, MA-MA-MA ♪
♪ HEY, AH ♪
♪ LIFE IN A NORTHERN TOWN ♪
♪ OH, HEY, MA-MA-MA-MA... ♪
HEY...
NEW RECORD. COOL.
( music continues )
♪ HEY-OH, MA-MA-MA ♪
( chanting )
♪ HEY-OH, MA-MA-MA ♪
♪ HEY, AH ♪
♪ OH, HEY, MA-MA-MA-MA. ♪
Kahn ( quietly ):
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL?
HMM.
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL?
I AM SO ALONE.
I HAVE TO COMMUTE TO HOUSTON
EVERY DAY.
THAT CITY ONE BIG STINK HOLE.
DID I MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION,
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL?
OH... BUCKLEY'S ANGEL?
WHY YOU NOT COME TO ME
INSTEAD OF THAT REDNECK
LITTLE HOT POTATO?
OH, BUCKLEY'S ANGEL!
NOW! COME RIGHT NOW!
Buckley:
HEY.
FOR MY NEXT SEMESTER,
MS. KREMZER.
COUNT IT--
IT'S ALL THERE.
MM-HMM...
WELL, THERE'S STILL
AN INCREDIBLY COMPLICATED
HAIR-DYEING EXAM COMING UP,
PLATTER.
YOU'VE GOT
TO PASS THAT
TO EVEN QUALIFY
FOR THE FINAL SEMESTER.
I WON'T LET YOU DOWN,
MS. KREMZER.
YEAH, SURE.
LOOK, IT'S LUANNE.
IT SURE HAS BEEN A HARD YEAR
FOR YOU, LUANNE,
WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND BLOWING UP
AND LOSING ALL YOUR HAIR
AND BEING ON
ACADEMIC PROBATION
BUT YOU KNOW,
IF YOU PASS THIS LAST EXAM
IT'LL TURN EVERYTHING AROUND.
( cackling )
SAD.
VERY SAD.
WHAT IS KAHN THINKING?
HE BOUGHT THE
BEST TRAMPOLINE
OF BUCKLEY'S ESTATE
AND HE'S LETTING
IT GO TO POT.
MAYBE WE OUGHT
TO TALK TO KAHN.
THIS IS A FIX-IT
OPPORTUNITY
THAT ONLY HAPPENS
IN THE MOVIES.
HEY, I KNOW WHAT
WE COULD DO.
BILL, REMEMBER WHEN WE
GOT YOU TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH
BY SAYING YOU DIDN'T KNOW HOW?
YEAH...
REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY.
THAT'LL NEVER WORK.
YES, IT WILL.
GOTCHA!
( chuckling )
( sobbing: )
I JUST TOOK A TEST LAST SEMESTER
AND NOW I'VE GOT ANOTHER TEST.
IT'S NOT FAIR.
HOW OFTEN IN REAL LIFE
ARE YOU TESTED?
( sobbing )
UH, YEAH--
OKAY, THEN.
THE GIRLS AT BEAUTY ACADEMY
ARE SO MEAN!
( sobbing )
THEY ARE MEAN.
YOU MADE YOUR
POINT, BILL.
WELL, IF YOU GUYS ARE HERE
WHO'S GUARDING TRASH CANS
IN ALLEY?
( laughing )
SAY, KAHN,
WE WERE JUST THINKING...
WE DON'T WANT
TO FIX YOUR
TRAMPOLINE.
I DO.
BILL!
WHAT?
DALE.
GAH!
OH...!
NOW I GET IT.
YOU REDNECKS WANT
TO FIX MY TRAMPOLINE
BUT WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?
WELL, UH...
YOU MOW MY LAWN FOR TWO MONTHS.
ALL RIGHT.
( laughing )
( all laughing )
PLAYED HIM LIKE
A DAMN FIDDLE.
EXCELLENT, SHARONA.
IF I DIDN'T KNOW
THAT TAIL WAS ATTACHED
TO A HORSE'S REAR END
I'D SWEAR IT WAS CHER'S.
THANK YOU, MISS KREMZER.
OH, VERY GOOD.
EXCELLENT HIGHLIGHTS.
LUANNE PLATTER.
IT'S NOT FAIR--
MY CUSTOMER KEPT SWATTING FLIES.
STEP AWAY FROM THE HORSE.
HM, CHER'S HAIR IS FAKE ANYHOW.
I AM TOO GOING TO PASS
THAT TEST.
WHIP OUT THOSE PLANS.
LET'S GO, LET'S GO,
LET'S GO.
I'VE TAKEN
THE LIBERTY
OF DRAWING UP
SOME SCHEMATICS.
NOW, HERE'S THE TRAMPOLINE
THAT IS
AND HERE IS THE TRAMPOLINE
THAT COULD BE.
( all whoahing )
UH-OH.
I'M ON IT.
HEY, LUANNE, UH...
YOU LOOK
PRETTY TODAY.
RIGHT GUYS?
( all agreeing )
( sighing )
BUCKLEY.
THIS WAS BUCKLEY'S TRAMPOLINE.
IT WAS HIS FAVORITE ONE.
HE NAMED IT NUMBER ONE.
( sobbing )
( sighing )
ALL RIGHT,
WHERE WERE WE?
( indistinct gabbing )
Dale:
WELL, SOME PEOPLE SAY
IT'S TOO BAD BUCKLEY'S DEAD
BUT I SAY THIS TRAMPOLINE
SURE IS GOING TO BE BEAUTIFUL.
Hank:
YEP. GOOD NIGHT.
Dale:
NIGHT, HANK.
Bill:
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
Boomhauer:
GOOD NIGHT, MAN.
Dale:
BILL.
( sighing )
WHO ARE YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WELL, WHAT?
CHICKEN-BUTT.
BUCKLEY!
HEY.
PSYCHE.
( chuckling )
WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOU BEING DEAD?
ARE YOU AN ANGEL?
DON'T WEAR IT OUT.
( both chuckling )
YOU ARE AN ANGEL.
UNLESS YOU'RE JUST
A HALLUCINOGEN OF MY MIND.
IF YOU'RE REALLY
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL
THEN TELL ME SOMETHING
ONLY THE REAL BUCKLEY
WOULD KNOW.
UH, YOU HAVE
A BIRTHMARK
ON YOUR BUTT
THE SHAPE OF
A HONDA KEY.
YOU ARE A REAL ANGEL.
( melodic guitar intro playing)
♪ THE SALVATION ARMY BAND
PLAYED ♪
♪ AND THE CHILDREN
DRUNK LEMONADE ♪
♪ AND THE MORNING
LASTED ALL DAY ♪
♪ ALL DAY ♪
♪ AND THROUGH AN OPEN WINDOW
IT CAME ♪
♪ LIKE SINATRA
IN A YOUNGER DAY ♪
♪ PUSHING THE TOWN AWAY ♪
♪ AH ♪
♪ HEY-OH, MA-MA-MA,
HEY-OH, HEY-OH ♪
♪ HEY-OH, MA-MA-MA, HEY ♪
♪ LIFE IN A NORTHERN TOWN ♪
♪ HEY, MA-MA-MA-MA... ♪
( music fades )
LUANNE, YOU LOOK POSITIVELY
RADIANT THIS MORNING.
YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT,
ARE YOU?
MM, DISREGARD.
ALL RIGHT.
SAUSAGE.
ALL RIGHT, SAUSAGE.
I HAVE AN
ANNOUNCEMENT
TO MAKE.
LAST NIGHT, I HAD
A RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.
IX-NAY, IX-NAY.
OBBY-BAY TOO-YAY OUNG-YAY.
LAST NIGHT,
I WAS VISITED BY AN ANGEL--
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
COOL.
MM-HMM, HE WAS ON
THE TRAMPOLINE
AND HE SAID TO TELL Y'ALL "HEY."
I THINK SOMEONE'S
BEEN STUDYING A LITTLE TOO HARD
FOR HER BEAUTY SCHOOL TEST.
PROBABLY SHARONA JOHNSON.
SHE'S ALWAYS STUDYING--
IT'S NOT FAIR.
ANYWAYS, BUCKLEY'S ANGEL AND ME
JUMPED SOME AND THEN, UM...
MOSTLY WE JUST JUMPED
BUT I FEEL BETTER
JUST KNOWING HE'S OKAY.
( chuckling: )
AN ANGEL.
ALL RIGHT.
SHE HAS GIVEN ME
THE HEEBIEST OF JEEBIES.
THE ANGEL PART, SURE
BUT THE WHOLE
NOT CRYING THING?
I LIKE THAT.
I LIKE THAT A LOT.
I TOLD HER USE
PROPER VENTILATION
AROUND THOSE
HAIR CHEMICALS.
SHE'S PROBABLY
JUST STRESSED OUT, PEGGY,
BUT IF THIS HELPS HER
LET HER THINK
WHATEVER SHE WANTS.
SHE SEES BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
NOLAN RYAN SAW HIS ARM
AS A ROCKET LAUNCHER
AND THE CATCHER'S MITT
AS SADDAM HUSSEIN.
DON'T MESS WITH A GOOD THING,
PEGGY.
JUST BE COOL.
I'M COOL.
( knocking )
SO, LUANNE, UH...
THIS ANGEL CERTAINLY SEEMS
TO HAVE MADE YOU HAPPY.
OH, YES.
I THINK THAT IT'S A SIGN
THAT GOD IS...
SURE, SURE, RIGHT-- GOD.
I'LL BET GOD SENT YOU
THIS GUARDIAN ANGEL.
THIS STAND-ON-YOUR-OWN-TWO-FEET
ANGEL.
AND IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
FROM NOW ON
YOU DON'T HAVE TO CRY
BECAUSE BUCKLEY'S ANGEL
WILL HELP YOU THROUGH YOUR TESTS
OR MAYBE FIND AN APARTMENT
OR WHATEVER.
OOH.
MY GUARDIAN ANGEL.
YEP...
FIND AN APARTMENT.
RED ALERT,
RED ALERT.
HEY, BOOMHAUER AND MISTER
DAUTERIVE AND MISTER GRIBBLE.
( chuckling )
WHAT IN THE NAME
OF HELL WAS THAT?
LUANNE CLAIMS SHE
SAW BUCKLEY'S ANGEL
LAST NIGHT ON
THE TRAMPOLINE.
I CONVINCED HER IT WAS
HER GUARDIAN ANGEL
AND NOW SHE'S
ON AN EVEN KEEL.
I SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THIS
YEARS AGO.
IT'S LIKE SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND
I NEVER HAVE TO MEET.
AHH...
HEY, LOOK
IT'S LUANNE,
WALKING HER BOOK.
I'M NOT WALKING MY BOOK.
I'M WAITING FOR
MY GUARDIAN ANGEL.
BUCKLEY HAS COME BACK
FROM THE DEAD
TO BOUNCE ON HIS TRAMPOLINE
AND HELP ME WITH MY EXAM.
( all laughing )
DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?
YOU'RE CRAZY.
I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR MYSELF.
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL HEARS MYSELF.
WELL, YOU ARE GOING
TO FAIL THE HAIR DYE TEST
AND FLUNK OUT OF BEAUTY SCHOOL
AND HAVE TO WORK
AT THE MALL
AT THE PRETZEL PLACE
AND WE'LL ALL BE
FAMOUS HAIRDRESSERS
AND WE'LL ALL BE ON
THE THIRD FLOOR OF THE MALL
WORKING ON THE PEOPLE'S HAIR
WHO EAT PRETZELS
AT THE PRETZEL PLACE.
( all laughing )
WELL, I'LL JUST SPIT
ON YOUR PRETZELS, AND...
NO, THAT'S OKAY.
I FORGIVE YOU BECAUSE
I HAVE A GUARDIAN ANGEL NOW.
EW!
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL,
CAN YOU PLEASE MELT
SHARONA JOHNSON'S FACE?
OH, AND HELP ME PASS MY TEST?
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL?
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL?
OKAY, LET'S GET TO IT.
WHAT'S THIS? A NOTE?
Bill:
OH! TH-THAT'S NOBODY'S.
HANK, GIVE IT BACK.
"DEAR BUCKLEY'S ANGEL,
"BRING ME A WOMAN.
"ANY WOMAN.
LOVE, BILL F.
de la T. DAUTERIVE."
NOW, NOW,
THAT'S BETWEEN ME
AND BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
THERE IS
NO BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
THERE WAS BARELY A BUCKLEY.
THAT GREASEBALL COULDN'T FIND
A HAMMER IN THE MEGA LO MART.
HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY
FIND YOU A WOMAN?
YOU HAVE YOUR GODS,
AND I HAVE MINE.
BILL, SHUT UP.
DALE, LIFT YOUR END.
( screaming )
IT'S A SIGN!
WE'VE BEEN PLAYING GOD
WITH BUCKLEY'S TRAMPOLINE
NOW GOD IS PLAYING GOD WITH US.
AND HE'S A LOT BETTER AT IT.
I REFUSE TO TOUCH
THIS PORTHOLE TO HELL.
( sighs )
LOOK, WE GOT A PROJECT GOING ON
AND BOOMHAUER AND I ARE
THE ONLY SANE ONES AROUND HERE.
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
YOU KNOW, HAD A NOTHING
BUT TIME A LITTLE OFF, MAN
I BEEN WORKING ON IT
FOR HOURS, MAN
AND BUCKLEY WALK UP
AND JUST TOUCH THE HOOD.
JUST TOUCHES THE HOOD, MAN.
THAT DODGE WAS HEALED, MAN.
"YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH
THE VALLEY OF
THE SHADOW OF DEATH"
MAN, I DON'T TAKE NO...
I AM THIS CLOSE TO FIXING
THE TRAMPOLINE MYSELF.
NO, NO, NO-- DON'T TOUCH IT
OR THE ANGEL WON'T COME BACK
AND I'LL BE ALONE FOREVER.
HOO-WEE.
IT IS A HOT ONE,
TODAY, HUH?
SO... MINH...
HAVE YOU EVER HAD
ANY RELIGIOUS VISIONS?
THIS ABOUT BUCKLEY'S ANGEL,
HUH, PEGGY HILL?
YOU KNOW?
NOT TOO MUCH HAPPEN
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.
WHEN SOMEONE COMES BACK
FROM DEAD, IT GETS AROUND.
I MEAN, LUANNE
IS CLEARLY CRAZY.
IF IT WAS A TRUE
RELIGIOUS VISION
WHY WOULD IT
COME TO HER?
I WAS HOME.
UH-HUH.
I MEAN, I HAVE HAD
MY CLOSE CALLS.
ONE TIME, I HEARD A VOICE SAY,
"JESUS IS LOVE"
RIGHT IN MY EAR
BUT THEN, WHEN I TURNED OFF
THE HAIR DRYER
IT WAS SUDDENLY GONE.
Luanne:
AMEN.
AMEN.
AMEN.
Dale:
RUN, HANK!
PORTHOLE TO HELL!
( frustrated sigh )
LUANNE'S GOT
EVERYBODY
GOING ANGEL
CRAZY, PEGGY.
OH, DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE HEARING "JESUS
IS LOVE" AGAIN.
( gasping ):
JESUS IS LOVE.
SO, STUDYING FOR
YOUR BIG, UH... HAIR TEST?
WELL, I'M WAITING
FOR BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
I THOUGHT WE MIGHT DO
FLASH CARDS.
YEAH. OKAY.
WELL, I'M SURE, WITH HIS HELP,
YOU'LL DO JUST FINE.
YOU'LL PASS THE TEST AND HE'LL
HAVE FINISHED HIS GOOD DEED
AND THERE'LL BE NO NEED FOR HIM
TO COME BACK TO EARTH AGAIN.
AND IF YOU DO SEE
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL AGAIN
IT'LL ACTUALLY BE
AN EVIL ANGEL OF DEATH.
I DIDN'T MAKE UP THE RULES.
IT'S IN THE BIBLE.
GOOD LUCK, NOW.
( sniffling )
WHERE IS HE?
BUCKLEY ALWAYS DID THIS TO ME.
ONE TIME, WE WERE
SUPPOSED TO SEE COLOR ME BADD
AND HE NEVER SHOWED UP.
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD
TO THAT CONCERT ALL WEEK
AND WHEN I TOLD HIM
HE JUST SAID,
"CHICKEN BEAK."
HE BETTER NOT BE GUARDIANING
SOME OTHER GIRL.
MAYBE I SHOULD DROP OUT
OF BEAUTY SCHOOL, AUNT PEGGY.
WHAT?! LUANNE, YOU HAVE WANTED
TO GO TO BEAUTY SCHOOL
SINCE YOU WERE SIX.
YOU HAVE WANTED TO
GRADUATE BEAUTY SCHOOL
SINCE YOU WERE 12.
IF YOU GIVE UP ON SCHOOL,
HONEY, YOU ARE GIVING
UP ON YOUR DREAMS.
"EDUCATION IS THE SLEEPING PILL
THAT MAKES DREAMS HAPPEN."
PEGGY HILL.
BUT SCHOOL IS HARD.
I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP
AND SELL PRETZELS.
UH-UH.
NOW YOU HAVE TO REACH
DEEP INSIDE YOURSELF
AND STOP DEPENDING ON
YOUR UNCLE OR YOUR BOYFRIEND
OR YOUR BOYFRIEND'S ANGEL.
THIS TIME, IT IS ALL UP TO YOU.
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL
HELPS THOSE WHO
HELP THEMSELVES.
I'LL DO IT.
YOU'LL HELP ME, RIGHT?
OF COURSE.
( snoring )
( yawning )
( gasping )
I DON'T WHY YOU DIDN'T
COME, BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
IF THIS IS SOME KIND OF TEST
I'LL HAVE TO TAKE A MAKEUP TEST
BECAUSE I HAVE A MAKEUP AND
A HAIR TEST THIS MORNING.
HEY.
( gasping )
OH, YOU FINALLY
SHOWED UP.
THANK YOU,
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
THANK YOU.
UH-HUH. YOU'RE GOING
TO FAIL THE TEST.
WHAT?!
YEAH, I HAVE A MESSAGE
FROM JESUS.
SOMETHING ABOUT HOW
YOU SUCK AT BEAUTY SCHOOL
EXCEPT WORDED NICER.
UH, HERE... UH...
"LUANNE, YOU REALLY SUCK
AT BEAUTY SCHOOL.
"DROP OUT.
LOVE, JESUS."
HUH. HE UNDERLINED "REALLY."
I GUESS IT WASN'T NICER.
I THOUGHT ANGELS WERE
SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD.
YOU'RE A TERRIBLE ANGEL,
BUCKLEY.
I WISH YOU NEVER DIED.
HEY, JESUS SAID IT, NOT ME.
YOU ARE MEAN.
JUST LIKE WHEN YOU
WERE MY BOYFRIEND.
BUT I HAVE FAITH IN ME
AND I AM NOT GOING
TO BE TRAILER TRASH.
I'M GOING TO GRADUATE
AND I'M GOING TO DO MAKEUPS
AND I'M GOING TO HAVE THE
BIGGEST TRUCK IN HOLLYWOOD!
JESUS SAYS YOU'RE MEANT
FOR SOMETHING ELSE.
HE CAN'T SAY WHAT.
WELL, Y'ALL ARE WRONG.
I'M MEANT FOR BEAUTY SCHOOL.
NUH-UH.
UH-HUH.
NUH-UH.
UH-HUH!
NUH-UH!
YES!
( both screaming )
BAIL!
( horn honks )
OH, MY GOSH.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I THINK I'M OKAY.
I WAS UP ALL NIGHT STUDYING
AND... AND I WAS SO TIRED.
AND I WAS DRIVING AND NOW I'M...
DO YOU WANT
TO SIT DOWN?
YES, VERY MUCH.
( gasping )
OH, LOOK-- I LOOK TERRIBLE.
AND I HAVE TO TAKE A TEST.
SO?
LOOKS ARE TEN PERCENT
OF THE GRADE.
LOOKS? WELL,
WHAT CLASS ARE
YOU TAKING?
I BET IT'S
STATISTICS WITH
PROFESSOR RUTLEDGE.
HE'S SUCH A PIG.
NO, IT'S HAIR COLORING
WITH MS. KREM...
WAIT... WAIT... YOU THOUGHT
THAT I WAS IN SCHOOL WITH YOU?
IN COLLEGE?
YEAH, WHY NOT?
YOU SURE
YOU'RE OKAY?
YEAH, 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT TO GO
WATCH SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER
FOR OUR AMERICAN
CULTURES CLASS.
YEAH, I'M OKAY.
WELL, GOOD LUCK
ON YOUR TEST.
HEY, LUANNE,
WHERE'S YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL?
PARKING THE CAR?
( derisive laughter )
ALL RIGHT, LET'S BEGIN.
GLOVES ON.
( humming )
SO, UH...
ANY ANGEL SIGHTINGS
THIS EVENING?
Dale:
NO, NOT YET.
OOPS.
WELL, NOW, WHAT'S THIS?
HUH. IT'S A LETTER.
"FROM THE DESK OF
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL."
( gasping )
LET'S SEE HERE--
"DEAR BILL, BOOMHAUER
AND DALE...
"I HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO
FIND A WOMAN FOR BILL.
"ANY WOMAN.
"OR A CRANKSHAFT
FROM A 1968 DODGE.
"AND THE PORTHOLE TO HELL
IS ACTUALLY LOCATED
"IN HANK'S GARAGE,
NEAR ALL OF HIS TOOLS
"WHICH SHOULD BE
AVOIDED BY ANYONE
AFRAID OF THE
PORTHOLE TO HELL."
WELL, THAT'S THAT.
GOOD-BYE,
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL.
GOOD-BYE,
BUCKLEY'S ANG...
HOLD THE PHONE.
LET ME SEE
THAT LETTER.
( mumbling )
( gasping )
THAT'S NOT BUCKLEY'S
HANDWRITING.
HANK!
( all mumbling )
B... B... BUT...
GOOD.
NOW, I BELIEVE WE HAVE
A TRAMPOLINE TO FIX.
I GUESS I COULD
PITCH IN A LITTLE BIT.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
( excited giggles )
GUESS WHAT?
YOU ACED THE EXAM.
I KNEW IT.
OH! CONGRATULATIONS, LUANNE.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
EVEN BETTER, AUNT PEGGY.
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL CAME BACK
AND THEN I ALMOST HIT
A WIENER WAGON
BUT FIRST, BUCKLEY SAID
JESUS SAID
I WAS MEANT FOR SOMETHING ELSE
AND I THOUGHT JESUS
MEANT SOMETHING WORSE
AND THEN I REMEMBERED
YOU TELLING ME
NOT TO GIVE UP
ON MY DREAMS.
AND I REALIZED THAT
HE MEANT SOMETHING BETTER.
AND I GOT MY TUITION REFUND
FROM MS. KREMZER
AND ENROLLED AT
ARLEN COMMUNITY COLLEGE
JUST LIKE JESUS SAID.
( giggles and screams )
COLLEGE?
REAL COLLEGE?
OH, LUANNE, YOU ARE DREAMING
WITH THE BIG BOYS NOW.
THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY
OF MY LIFE!
( chuckling ):
LUANNE, WELL,
THAT'S GREAT.
I MEAN... WOW.
BUT YOU'LL BE
MOVING INTO A DORM.
ALL OF OUR DREAMS
HAVE COME TRUE.
( chuckling )
UM, WELL, UNCLE HANK,
WITH TUITION AND BOOKS
AND BACK-TO-SCHOOL CLOTHES
I CAN'T AFFORD TO MOVE OUT NOW.
WELL...
I GUESS AS LONG AS
YOU'RE IN SCHOOL
BETTERING YOURSELF
AND WHATNOT...
THANK YOU, UNCLE HANK.
DON'T THANK ME...
HUG YOUR AUNT PEGGY.
I'M GOING TO START OUT
AS A LIBERAL ARTIST.
I MIGHT EVEN GO PRE-MED.
IT'S REALLY
THE SAME AS...
HUH.
I DIDN'T KNOW THERE
WAS A WIENER WAGON
STOPPING IN ARLEN.
OBVIOUSLY NOT...
OR YOU WOULD HAVE
TAKEN ME.
HEY.
( gasping )
UH... I JUST CAME
BACK TO SAY
I'M SORRY I BAILED
OUT OF THE CAR.
I KNEW YOU WEREN'T
REALLY A JERK.
YEAH.
WELL, UH... I GOT TO GO.
JESUS IS HAVING A PARTY TONIGHT.
IT'S GONNA ROCK.
THERE'LL PROBABLY BE
A LOT OF PEOPLE THERE
BUT IF YOU SEE JESUS...
TELL HIM I SAID THANKS.
GOOD-BYE, BUCKLEY.
BEFORE I GO... UM...
COULD I HAVE
ONE LAST KISS?
MM-HMM.
( gasping )
NO...
THAT PART'S OVER.
WHY?
CHICKEN THIGH.
( "Life in a Northern Town"
playing )
♪ OH, HEY-OH, MA-MA-MA ♪
( chanting )
♪ HEY-OH, MA-MA-MA ♪
♪ HEY, AH ♪
♪ LIFE IN A NORTHERN TOWN ♪
♪ OH, HEY, MA-MA-MA-MA... ♪
HEY...
NEW RECORD. COOL.
( music continues )
♪ HEY-OH, MA-MA-MA ♪
( chanting )
♪ HEY-OH, MA-MA-MA ♪
♪ HEY, AH ♪
♪ OH, HEY, MA-MA-MA-MA. ♪
Kahn ( quietly ):
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL?
HMM.
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL?
I AM SO ALONE.
I HAVE TO COMMUTE TO HOUSTON
EVERY DAY.
THAT CITY ONE BIG STINK HOLE.
DID I MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION,
BUCKLEY'S ANGEL?
OH... BUCKLEY'S ANGEL?
WHY YOU NOT COME TO ME
INSTEAD OF THAT REDNECK
LITTLE HOT POTATO?
OH, BUCKLEY'S ANGEL!
NOW! COME RIGHT NOW!
Buckley:
HEY.