King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 3, Episode 17 - Escape from Party Island - full transcript
Hanks accompanies his mother and some of her friends on a trip to a museum on an island during Spring Break, the only problem is MTV and the college students are there, too.
yep.
yep.
yep.
What's with hank?
Why, I think he's worried
about his mom.
Are you worried
about your mom, hank?
He's worried
about his mom.
( sighing ):
she and her friends
were supposed to get
here two hours ago.
Why she had
to take on
all this highway
driving at her age
just to see a museum
of miniatures...
Oh! The one
at port aransas?
( exasperated sigh ):
yes.
well, maybe she stopped
on the way
to make herself look nice.
That's something ladies do.
I was married
to one once.
( sighs )
my god, it's
almost 4:00.
Would it cheer you up
if I stuffed some fig newtons
up my nose?
Aah...
Mom, you made it.
You know, you've still
got four hours of driving
before you get
to port aransas.
I'm not sure I...
oh, honey
we stopped at
the pancake house
and one thing
just led to another.
Blueberry pancakes mean
blueberries in the pancakes
not buttermilk grill cakes
with blue sauce on top.
They brought
you new ones.
That's not the point.
It was horrible.
This is lillian.
She's delicate.
Pleased to meet you,
lillian.
oh!
That was much
too sudden.
You know, mom,
that van of yours
is a lot to handle.
In many ways, it's
more of a light truck.
Maybe this trip
is just too much
for you to take on.
Yep. I think it is.
Well, I have to drive.
I'm the youngest.
Maureen's only
ten years older
but she lost
her license.
It was took last march.
Delia gets angry.
The doctor
calls it "road rage."
Oh, I'll drive.
It's only been
40 years.
We are talking
about a bicycle?
I don't have
a choice, peggy.
I've got to drive them
the rest of the way.
Hank, if you want to go visit
a miniature museum
then just come
out and say so.
I won't tell anyone.
I hate miniatures.
I've hated them
since I was a kid.
Mom only took
them out when
she was heading
into a funk--
Like, between the time
I was ten and 14.
( dale snickering )
enjoy your trip
to the miniature museum, hank.
Hope you can fit inside.
( laughing )
( choking )
( chuckling ):
yeah, man, you know
talkin' 'bout
ol' party van
man, hank gets out...
little ol' lady.
( speaking gibberish ):
have good time...
With them lil' ol' ladies.
Very funny, guys.
I can't think
of anything funnier
than a man having to take care
of his mother.
Ho! That's
just hilarious.
You think your
mother would find
that funny, dale?
Not the way you tell it.
Yep, the wildflowers
sure are lovely this spring.
I always say
there's nothing like
texas wildflowers.
You think we arizonans
don't have flowers?
I never said that.
Tilly, that boy of yours
just called me a liar.
I did not!
Hank, just apologize
to delia.
But I never said...
Delia gets a little
out of sorts
when her blood sugar
falls low.
Otherwise, she's lovely.
Here's a piece
of hard candy, dear.
mmm.
( sucking noises )
♪ uptown girl ♪
♪ you know she's living
in her uptown world... ♪
bill:
* and when she's walking *
♪ she's looking so fi-i-ine... ♪
bill?
Yeah.
You shouldn't have to be
working with your hands, peggy.
You're a lady.
( chuckling ):
oh...
Oh, bill.
Here, let me help.
It must be nice
having a man
around the house
again, huh, peggy?
Actually, hank has
only been gone
an hour and a half.
I'll tell
you, peggy
i'd never leave you
for an hour and half.
Your shirt is... Very dirty.
( chuckles ):
oh, that's not dirt.
That's, that's chili sauce
and such.
( turns radio on )
what's that boy doing?
I'm just getting
a traffic report.
Radio makes lillian
carsick.
You can't get carsick
from a radio.
Carsick's an
inner-ear thing.
Turn on the radio.
I'd prefer not to risk it.
I was a nurse
for 40 years.
I know
all about carsick.
I've never been
carsick in my life.
What should I do?
The problem with you
is you never know
what to do.
You just met me.
I know your kind.
Would you please
turn on the radio?
( static )
( gagging )
all right, ladies.
You can get back in.
Careful, bobby.
You know how your mother and I
worry about you.
Uh, you know, she worries
about you, too, Mr. Dauterive.
She does?
I guess.
I don't know.
( excited giggling )
lillian:
look, everyone.
Port aransas.
Tilly:
it looks like
a miniature island.
Oh, it's a shame
it has to get bigger.
I want to remember it
like this.
So I guess all of you
are as crazy for miniatures
as my mom, huh?
I wouldn't use the word "crazy."
To the miniatures.
All:
To the miniatures.
( knocking on door )
huh, what?
Oh, hurry.
We're going to be
late for the museum.
It's not even 5:00 a.m.
That kind of attitude
is not going to get you
ready any faster.
Okay, okay.
Will you ladies
just give me
a few minutes
to shave?
no.
Hank ( chuckling ):
well, looks like
we might have gotten here
a little early.
What's the big joke?
It's not a joke.
Then it's us,
isn't it?
Apparently,
we amuse you
in some way.
( under breath ):
I wish.
Well, that
was interesting.
Stay. Watch.
Lyle neff is one
of the world's
most renowned
micropointilists.
Lyle neff?
Oh, god
I haven't heard that name
since I was 13.
You know, I'd always pictured
him with a scrawnier mustache.
They say the sprites
talk through his hands.
That's a nice-looking...
Ah... Seal.
It is an otter.
Lyle neff would never
waste his time on seals.
Seals are
trash mammals.
Everybody knows that.
( sighing )
tilly:
six cucumber sandwiches,
please.
Uh, I'll have
the hamburger
sandwich instead.
The cucumber sandwiches
are delicious here.
I don't like
cucumber.
( all gasp )
I apologize
for my son.
Come on, mom.
You don't have
to apologize for me.
Apparently, I do.
Mom? It's me, hank.
Just came to say
good night.
Shouldn't you be in bed?
It's almost 7:30.
Look at this.
Don't they look happy?
They like it here.
Uh, mom, those
are just glass.
I know that, hank.
My point is
they're from the island
and they like being home.
You're not falling into
one of those funks
are you, mom?
I haven't seen you, uh...
Socialize
with your miniatures since...
Gosh, since you were married
to dad.
I'll helps you with your dishes.
mom?
Mom, what should I do?
mom?
( sighing )
quiet, you!
Bill:
cleaning?
How did you
get in, bill?
You gave me a key,
remember--
When you went
on vacation
so I could feed
ladybird.
That was six years ago.
Uh-huh. It's probably a good
thing I held on to it, too.
After all,
you never know when...
Peggy:
I want it back.
now!
All right. Let me help you
with that trash.
Why is he
hugging our trash?
As long as he
does not take it
into his house
we're okay.
( door closing )
oh, no.
Hank:
i'll have a dune-burggy,
medium rare, and a beer.
At last, a few signs
of civilization.
Hey, guys.
How those longhorns
looking for next year?
Totally awesome,
dude.
"awesome."
( chuckling )
that's what I like to hear.
Let me buy you a beer
and we can talk some football.
Don't mind if we do.
( both screaming )
hey, fellas, slow down.
We've got the whole bench
to go over.
( chuckling )
I tell you, this is just
what I needed.
I spent the day
with about 500 years
of old lady.
Oh, if they could see me now
having a beer and a hamburger
that would push them
right over the edge
I tell you what.
( knocking )
hold onto your hats, ladies.
The museum'll still be there
at dawn.
( loud music and chatter )
no. What...?
Hey, you kids
knock it off!
Come on!
some of us are trying to sleep!
Okay, you asked for it.
you.
What room are
your parents in?
( gagging )
oh, for goodness sake!
And none of you heard
any of that last night?
no.
( high-pitched whine )
i-I smell something unpleasant
in this hallway.
It's making me rather...
( retching )
hank:
son, your blinker's on.
Merge. Merge, already.
( groaning )
oh, look at this crowd.
That museum
is going to be a madhouse.
I think it would be safest
if we used a buddy system
to get around.
Hank, you're making
too much out of this.
Mom, that fella asked you
to show him your high beams.
Now, do you even know
what he meant?
Of course I do.
I've been driving
longer than you.
No. Mom, what
he meant was...
Oh, hank, look--
a unicorn.
I have
just the little nook for you
oh, yes, I do.
Peggy! Isn't it funny
we ran into
each other here
just by chance?
I didn't even
know you shopped
at this market.
It's the one
closest to the house, bill.
I think so, too.
You know what I'm shopping for?
Food.
I didn't ask you, all right?
I'm having a barbecue
this afternoon.
See you there.
No, you will not.
Okay, then. 4:00.
( loud music and chatter )
( groans )
( gasps )
( whooping )
oh, god.
All right, gentlemen and ladies,
let's take a vote.
Warm water...
( cheering )
♪ give it to me, baby... ♪
or... Cold water?
( cheering )
cold water it is!
( animal-like grunting )
rockadillo...
Do your stuff!
( deejay laughing )
but-but cold water's going
to make their...
( shuddering groan )
okay, let's go,
buddy up.
Delia, you hold
maureen's hand.
no.
We're fighting.
She ate
the last scone.
And it was delicious.
( groaning sigh )
r-randy!
Randy, chad
it's me, hank!
Hey, it's that dude
from last night.
( grunting )
( sighs )
i'm sorry.
I didn't mean
to let that happen.
The problem
with you is
you never mean to
let anything happen.
It's a horrible,
empty way to live.
Barbecuing?
no!
Go away!
This is peggy's.
She's got no one
to do her barbecuing
now that hank's left her.
"left her"?
He's only on a two-day trip
with his mom.
And four other
single women.
( horns honking )
"how's my driving?"
i'll tell you.
Mom, right this
number down--
"1-800...
E-a-t-s-h..."
Uh...
Never mind.
Deejay:
spring break '99 continues
with some of the hottest bands,
bods and buns
on the port I call aransas!
Am I right, rockadillo?!
( animal-like grunting )
and party '99 is
only getting better
'cause adam sandler's going
to be performing live!
( howls )
( cheering )
there, you're packed.
But we haven't seen
the glade of elsinore
at the museum.
Forget about the museum.
We've got to get off this island
before they run out of beer
and start rioting.
The glade of elsinore is crafted
from real flowers.
That means the pigments
fade, stupid.
I don't care.
We're leaving.
Oh, you're impossible.
( hip-hop music playing )
I tell you what--
it'll be great
when all these kids
look like miniatures
in our rear-view
mirror, huh?
( hank chuckling )
( sighs )
when you're all back safe
in your homes
and planned communities
you'll thank me.
My god, hank, stop!
Mom, I told
you, I will...
Hank, stop this van.
Hank:
what is it?
Are you okay?
No, I'm not.
I'm not okay at all.
I've left my unicorn.
( horrified gasping )
we have to go back
for it.
We'll Miss the
ferry. I can't.
Hank, tiny glass unicorns
are as hard to find
as a real unicorn.
I can't leave without mine.
Now I've had
enough, mom.
Forget the damn unicorn
and all these
stupid little dolls
from when you
went weird.
Oh, delia was right.
Hank, you are impossible.
Which one of you is delia?
She is.
I could commit you like that.
Oh, no.
Stay put.
mom!
( sighs )
now, these should
hold you
till I get back.
I wanted milk,
not cream.
Cream makes me logy.
Live with it.
Excuse me.
Have you seen a
nice-looking older lady--
Gray hair, yellow
golf sweater?
Mmm, stand right there
while I think
about it.
What?
I don't see why I need to...
Yo, gotcha!
Hey, can't you see I'm looking
for a lady?
We're all looking
for ladies, dude.
That's what spring break
is all about.
Yeah!
yeah!
Bill?
Why isn't
bobby playing?
You don't look good,
mr. Dauterive.
Have you been
in a fire?
( whimpering )
( sobbing )
bill, are you okay?
No, I am not okay.
I am... I'm not
okay at all.
I didn't make you a barbecue
just so you wouldn't show up
and I didn't come here to
not watch bobby play ball!
Bill, please!
People can hear you!
I don't care!
Maybe it's
time they did!
Hey, coach!
You, coach!
Why aren't you
playing bobby hill?
I am responsible
for that boy!
You play him now!
You hear me?!
you!
( groans )
oh, peggy... I'm
not angry at you.
Bill, you get
your arm off me!
( bill groaning )
oh, yeah!
Come on, cougars!
Come on!
Whoo-whoo-whoo!
mom.
mom?
mom?
( sighs )
excuse me.
I'm looking for a
nice-looking older
lady... Sweater.
Uh, she-she
needed a unicorn.
Don't they all?
Was she here?
She left a few minutes
ago, one unicorn richer.
Damn those stupid
miniatures!
They're going to
get her killed.
You don't
know anything.
What?
Miniatures probably saved
your mother's life.
What's that supposed to mean?
Do you know how hard it is
to be a woman in this world?
I do.
Women come in here all the time
and they are sad
and they are lonely
and they are frumpy
and they tell me
how my tiny
individually hand-crafted,
investment-grade art is
the only thing
keeping them sane.
Do you understand?
Does that sound like
your mother?
no.
Well... Maybe
when her marriage to my
dad was breaking up, but...
So, uh...
So, this little glass crap
really helped her out, huh?
huh.
I guess I owe someone
an apology.
Accepted.
Uh...
Mom...
About back in the car...
Well, uh...
Well, here.
What is it?
Uh, it's the los angeles
international airport
carved in a walnut shell.
Oh, look at the detail.
Don't worry,
little puppy.
Someone's coming
to claim you.
It's wonderful.
Yeah, it's a...
it's a neff.
( younger crowd cheering )
we got to go, mom, now.
The last ferry
leaves in 15 minutes
and the brochure
recommends getting there
ten minutes
in advance.
( sighs )
maureen! Maureen!
( startled yell )
takes two minutes
to develop.
Hank...
They passed her over the crowd
like a beach ball.
Ah, hell.
Invasion!
Hey now, you...
( animal-like grunting )
hey!
hey!
those are prescription,
dang it!
Give me that!
You damn...
( grunts )
get your...
No, help, man!
get off the...
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
( gasps )
oh, no.
Don't worry.
We're going
to make it.
( gasping and shrieking )
hank:
oh, god, no!
Everybody stay calm.
We just experienced
severe tire damage.
You said you'd get us
out of here.
Tilly, your boy is
all talk.
I hate you.
Hank, get us
out of here.
We're down to the rims.
If we drive on them, they
may never be true again.
( helicopter rotors
whirring )
hank:
oh, no.
Hold onto your hats, ladies.
Oh, look,
everyone...
Port aransas.
Oh, I can't wait
to get there.
Who's ready?
Lay it on me.
Well, I probably
could use a beer.
Dale.
Thank you.
Boomhauer.
Dang ol' thanks, man.
Bill.
( grunts )
( groans )
oh, sorry about that...
And, uh, thanks for looking
after peggy for me, bill.
ow!
It won't happen
again, hank.
yep.
I know your kind.
yep.
yep.
What's with hank?
Why, I think he's worried
about his mom.
Are you worried
about your mom, hank?
He's worried
about his mom.
( sighing ):
she and her friends
were supposed to get
here two hours ago.
Why she had
to take on
all this highway
driving at her age
just to see a museum
of miniatures...
Oh! The one
at port aransas?
( exasperated sigh ):
yes.
well, maybe she stopped
on the way
to make herself look nice.
That's something ladies do.
I was married
to one once.
( sighs )
my god, it's
almost 4:00.
Would it cheer you up
if I stuffed some fig newtons
up my nose?
Aah...
Mom, you made it.
You know, you've still
got four hours of driving
before you get
to port aransas.
I'm not sure I...
oh, honey
we stopped at
the pancake house
and one thing
just led to another.
Blueberry pancakes mean
blueberries in the pancakes
not buttermilk grill cakes
with blue sauce on top.
They brought
you new ones.
That's not the point.
It was horrible.
This is lillian.
She's delicate.
Pleased to meet you,
lillian.
oh!
That was much
too sudden.
You know, mom,
that van of yours
is a lot to handle.
In many ways, it's
more of a light truck.
Maybe this trip
is just too much
for you to take on.
Yep. I think it is.
Well, I have to drive.
I'm the youngest.
Maureen's only
ten years older
but she lost
her license.
It was took last march.
Delia gets angry.
The doctor
calls it "road rage."
Oh, I'll drive.
It's only been
40 years.
We are talking
about a bicycle?
I don't have
a choice, peggy.
I've got to drive them
the rest of the way.
Hank, if you want to go visit
a miniature museum
then just come
out and say so.
I won't tell anyone.
I hate miniatures.
I've hated them
since I was a kid.
Mom only took
them out when
she was heading
into a funk--
Like, between the time
I was ten and 14.
( dale snickering )
enjoy your trip
to the miniature museum, hank.
Hope you can fit inside.
( laughing )
( choking )
( chuckling ):
yeah, man, you know
talkin' 'bout
ol' party van
man, hank gets out...
little ol' lady.
( speaking gibberish ):
have good time...
With them lil' ol' ladies.
Very funny, guys.
I can't think
of anything funnier
than a man having to take care
of his mother.
Ho! That's
just hilarious.
You think your
mother would find
that funny, dale?
Not the way you tell it.
Yep, the wildflowers
sure are lovely this spring.
I always say
there's nothing like
texas wildflowers.
You think we arizonans
don't have flowers?
I never said that.
Tilly, that boy of yours
just called me a liar.
I did not!
Hank, just apologize
to delia.
But I never said...
Delia gets a little
out of sorts
when her blood sugar
falls low.
Otherwise, she's lovely.
Here's a piece
of hard candy, dear.
mmm.
( sucking noises )
♪ uptown girl ♪
♪ you know she's living
in her uptown world... ♪
bill:
* and when she's walking *
♪ she's looking so fi-i-ine... ♪
bill?
Yeah.
You shouldn't have to be
working with your hands, peggy.
You're a lady.
( chuckling ):
oh...
Oh, bill.
Here, let me help.
It must be nice
having a man
around the house
again, huh, peggy?
Actually, hank has
only been gone
an hour and a half.
I'll tell
you, peggy
i'd never leave you
for an hour and half.
Your shirt is... Very dirty.
( chuckles ):
oh, that's not dirt.
That's, that's chili sauce
and such.
( turns radio on )
what's that boy doing?
I'm just getting
a traffic report.
Radio makes lillian
carsick.
You can't get carsick
from a radio.
Carsick's an
inner-ear thing.
Turn on the radio.
I'd prefer not to risk it.
I was a nurse
for 40 years.
I know
all about carsick.
I've never been
carsick in my life.
What should I do?
The problem with you
is you never know
what to do.
You just met me.
I know your kind.
Would you please
turn on the radio?
( static )
( gagging )
all right, ladies.
You can get back in.
Careful, bobby.
You know how your mother and I
worry about you.
Uh, you know, she worries
about you, too, Mr. Dauterive.
She does?
I guess.
I don't know.
( excited giggling )
lillian:
look, everyone.
Port aransas.
Tilly:
it looks like
a miniature island.
Oh, it's a shame
it has to get bigger.
I want to remember it
like this.
So I guess all of you
are as crazy for miniatures
as my mom, huh?
I wouldn't use the word "crazy."
To the miniatures.
All:
To the miniatures.
( knocking on door )
huh, what?
Oh, hurry.
We're going to be
late for the museum.
It's not even 5:00 a.m.
That kind of attitude
is not going to get you
ready any faster.
Okay, okay.
Will you ladies
just give me
a few minutes
to shave?
no.
Hank ( chuckling ):
well, looks like
we might have gotten here
a little early.
What's the big joke?
It's not a joke.
Then it's us,
isn't it?
Apparently,
we amuse you
in some way.
( under breath ):
I wish.
Well, that
was interesting.
Stay. Watch.
Lyle neff is one
of the world's
most renowned
micropointilists.
Lyle neff?
Oh, god
I haven't heard that name
since I was 13.
You know, I'd always pictured
him with a scrawnier mustache.
They say the sprites
talk through his hands.
That's a nice-looking...
Ah... Seal.
It is an otter.
Lyle neff would never
waste his time on seals.
Seals are
trash mammals.
Everybody knows that.
( sighing )
tilly:
six cucumber sandwiches,
please.
Uh, I'll have
the hamburger
sandwich instead.
The cucumber sandwiches
are delicious here.
I don't like
cucumber.
( all gasp )
I apologize
for my son.
Come on, mom.
You don't have
to apologize for me.
Apparently, I do.
Mom? It's me, hank.
Just came to say
good night.
Shouldn't you be in bed?
It's almost 7:30.
Look at this.
Don't they look happy?
They like it here.
Uh, mom, those
are just glass.
I know that, hank.
My point is
they're from the island
and they like being home.
You're not falling into
one of those funks
are you, mom?
I haven't seen you, uh...
Socialize
with your miniatures since...
Gosh, since you were married
to dad.
I'll helps you with your dishes.
mom?
Mom, what should I do?
mom?
( sighing )
quiet, you!
Bill:
cleaning?
How did you
get in, bill?
You gave me a key,
remember--
When you went
on vacation
so I could feed
ladybird.
That was six years ago.
Uh-huh. It's probably a good
thing I held on to it, too.
After all,
you never know when...
Peggy:
I want it back.
now!
All right. Let me help you
with that trash.
Why is he
hugging our trash?
As long as he
does not take it
into his house
we're okay.
( door closing )
oh, no.
Hank:
i'll have a dune-burggy,
medium rare, and a beer.
At last, a few signs
of civilization.
Hey, guys.
How those longhorns
looking for next year?
Totally awesome,
dude.
"awesome."
( chuckling )
that's what I like to hear.
Let me buy you a beer
and we can talk some football.
Don't mind if we do.
( both screaming )
hey, fellas, slow down.
We've got the whole bench
to go over.
( chuckling )
I tell you, this is just
what I needed.
I spent the day
with about 500 years
of old lady.
Oh, if they could see me now
having a beer and a hamburger
that would push them
right over the edge
I tell you what.
( knocking )
hold onto your hats, ladies.
The museum'll still be there
at dawn.
( loud music and chatter )
no. What...?
Hey, you kids
knock it off!
Come on!
some of us are trying to sleep!
Okay, you asked for it.
you.
What room are
your parents in?
( gagging )
oh, for goodness sake!
And none of you heard
any of that last night?
no.
( high-pitched whine )
i-I smell something unpleasant
in this hallway.
It's making me rather...
( retching )
hank:
son, your blinker's on.
Merge. Merge, already.
( groaning )
oh, look at this crowd.
That museum
is going to be a madhouse.
I think it would be safest
if we used a buddy system
to get around.
Hank, you're making
too much out of this.
Mom, that fella asked you
to show him your high beams.
Now, do you even know
what he meant?
Of course I do.
I've been driving
longer than you.
No. Mom, what
he meant was...
Oh, hank, look--
a unicorn.
I have
just the little nook for you
oh, yes, I do.
Peggy! Isn't it funny
we ran into
each other here
just by chance?
I didn't even
know you shopped
at this market.
It's the one
closest to the house, bill.
I think so, too.
You know what I'm shopping for?
Food.
I didn't ask you, all right?
I'm having a barbecue
this afternoon.
See you there.
No, you will not.
Okay, then. 4:00.
( loud music and chatter )
( groans )
( gasps )
( whooping )
oh, god.
All right, gentlemen and ladies,
let's take a vote.
Warm water...
( cheering )
♪ give it to me, baby... ♪
or... Cold water?
( cheering )
cold water it is!
( animal-like grunting )
rockadillo...
Do your stuff!
( deejay laughing )
but-but cold water's going
to make their...
( shuddering groan )
okay, let's go,
buddy up.
Delia, you hold
maureen's hand.
no.
We're fighting.
She ate
the last scone.
And it was delicious.
( groaning sigh )
r-randy!
Randy, chad
it's me, hank!
Hey, it's that dude
from last night.
( grunting )
( sighs )
i'm sorry.
I didn't mean
to let that happen.
The problem
with you is
you never mean to
let anything happen.
It's a horrible,
empty way to live.
Barbecuing?
no!
Go away!
This is peggy's.
She's got no one
to do her barbecuing
now that hank's left her.
"left her"?
He's only on a two-day trip
with his mom.
And four other
single women.
( horns honking )
"how's my driving?"
i'll tell you.
Mom, right this
number down--
"1-800...
E-a-t-s-h..."
Uh...
Never mind.
Deejay:
spring break '99 continues
with some of the hottest bands,
bods and buns
on the port I call aransas!
Am I right, rockadillo?!
( animal-like grunting )
and party '99 is
only getting better
'cause adam sandler's going
to be performing live!
( howls )
( cheering )
there, you're packed.
But we haven't seen
the glade of elsinore
at the museum.
Forget about the museum.
We've got to get off this island
before they run out of beer
and start rioting.
The glade of elsinore is crafted
from real flowers.
That means the pigments
fade, stupid.
I don't care.
We're leaving.
Oh, you're impossible.
( hip-hop music playing )
I tell you what--
it'll be great
when all these kids
look like miniatures
in our rear-view
mirror, huh?
( hank chuckling )
( sighs )
when you're all back safe
in your homes
and planned communities
you'll thank me.
My god, hank, stop!
Mom, I told
you, I will...
Hank, stop this van.
Hank:
what is it?
Are you okay?
No, I'm not.
I'm not okay at all.
I've left my unicorn.
( horrified gasping )
we have to go back
for it.
We'll Miss the
ferry. I can't.
Hank, tiny glass unicorns
are as hard to find
as a real unicorn.
I can't leave without mine.
Now I've had
enough, mom.
Forget the damn unicorn
and all these
stupid little dolls
from when you
went weird.
Oh, delia was right.
Hank, you are impossible.
Which one of you is delia?
She is.
I could commit you like that.
Oh, no.
Stay put.
mom!
( sighs )
now, these should
hold you
till I get back.
I wanted milk,
not cream.
Cream makes me logy.
Live with it.
Excuse me.
Have you seen a
nice-looking older lady--
Gray hair, yellow
golf sweater?
Mmm, stand right there
while I think
about it.
What?
I don't see why I need to...
Yo, gotcha!
Hey, can't you see I'm looking
for a lady?
We're all looking
for ladies, dude.
That's what spring break
is all about.
Yeah!
yeah!
Bill?
Why isn't
bobby playing?
You don't look good,
mr. Dauterive.
Have you been
in a fire?
( whimpering )
( sobbing )
bill, are you okay?
No, I am not okay.
I am... I'm not
okay at all.
I didn't make you a barbecue
just so you wouldn't show up
and I didn't come here to
not watch bobby play ball!
Bill, please!
People can hear you!
I don't care!
Maybe it's
time they did!
Hey, coach!
You, coach!
Why aren't you
playing bobby hill?
I am responsible
for that boy!
You play him now!
You hear me?!
you!
( groans )
oh, peggy... I'm
not angry at you.
Bill, you get
your arm off me!
( bill groaning )
oh, yeah!
Come on, cougars!
Come on!
Whoo-whoo-whoo!
mom.
mom?
mom?
( sighs )
excuse me.
I'm looking for a
nice-looking older
lady... Sweater.
Uh, she-she
needed a unicorn.
Don't they all?
Was she here?
She left a few minutes
ago, one unicorn richer.
Damn those stupid
miniatures!
They're going to
get her killed.
You don't
know anything.
What?
Miniatures probably saved
your mother's life.
What's that supposed to mean?
Do you know how hard it is
to be a woman in this world?
I do.
Women come in here all the time
and they are sad
and they are lonely
and they are frumpy
and they tell me
how my tiny
individually hand-crafted,
investment-grade art is
the only thing
keeping them sane.
Do you understand?
Does that sound like
your mother?
no.
Well... Maybe
when her marriage to my
dad was breaking up, but...
So, uh...
So, this little glass crap
really helped her out, huh?
huh.
I guess I owe someone
an apology.
Accepted.
Uh...
Mom...
About back in the car...
Well, uh...
Well, here.
What is it?
Uh, it's the los angeles
international airport
carved in a walnut shell.
Oh, look at the detail.
Don't worry,
little puppy.
Someone's coming
to claim you.
It's wonderful.
Yeah, it's a...
it's a neff.
( younger crowd cheering )
we got to go, mom, now.
The last ferry
leaves in 15 minutes
and the brochure
recommends getting there
ten minutes
in advance.
( sighs )
maureen! Maureen!
( startled yell )
takes two minutes
to develop.
Hank...
They passed her over the crowd
like a beach ball.
Ah, hell.
Invasion!
Hey now, you...
( animal-like grunting )
hey!
hey!
those are prescription,
dang it!
Give me that!
You damn...
( grunts )
get your...
No, help, man!
get off the...
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
( gasps )
oh, no.
Don't worry.
We're going
to make it.
( gasping and shrieking )
hank:
oh, god, no!
Everybody stay calm.
We just experienced
severe tire damage.
You said you'd get us
out of here.
Tilly, your boy is
all talk.
I hate you.
Hank, get us
out of here.
We're down to the rims.
If we drive on them, they
may never be true again.
( helicopter rotors
whirring )
hank:
oh, no.
Hold onto your hats, ladies.
Oh, look,
everyone...
Port aransas.
Oh, I can't wait
to get there.
Who's ready?
Lay it on me.
Well, I probably
could use a beer.
Dale.
Thank you.
Boomhauer.
Dang ol' thanks, man.
Bill.
( grunts )
( groans )
oh, sorry about that...
And, uh, thanks for looking
after peggy for me, bill.
ow!
It won't happen
again, hank.
yep.
I know your kind.