King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 3, Episode 16 - Jon Vitti Presents: 'Return to La Grunta' - full transcript
While Luanne gets a job at a country club, Hank has an unpleasant encounter with a dolphin.
( horn honking )
oh, that's my ride.
Uncle hank,
can I borrow $22.50?
I need eight dollars
for the movie
and $2.50 for popcorn
and ten dollars for dinner
and I want to play
the claw machine.
I would give up the popcorn
to play the claw machine.
You know, luanne, it would be
a lot less irritating
to give you a round number
every now and then
than hearing about every
little thing you wanted to buy.
Can I have $300?
Look, here's $60.
Now, I lived
for a month on $60 thanks to...
Hey, guys! I got $60!
You know, by letting
luanne live like this
we send out the message
that it's okay.
Maybe that's what's
wrong with bobby.
Man:
Now I can bite an apple
with confidence.
My betsy left her job
at the la grunta hotel.
She could put in
a good word for luanne.
What's the job?
Golf course
drink girl.
I went to the
la grunta once.
It cost eight dollars
just to park there.
You could get 200
washers for that.
400 at the mega lo mart.
What's that
supposed to mean?
Now, calm down, guys.
This is why I shop here.
It may cost more,
but it's worth it.
Eight cents.
I've got a family.
Luanne, that's
my helmet phone.
I'm sorry, but I can't
just starve to death
as convenient as that
would be for you.
And you won't give me
any more money
because I spent everything
you gave me last night.
But...
Well, you know what?
It doesn't matter
because I found an exciting
opportunity for you.
How would you like to be
a golf course drink girl?
You'd have your own money.
( gasps )
my own money...
Nobody making me beg for
every little penny like a dog.
Yep, you'd show
me, all right.
Ooh, a golf course
drink girl.
Hey, why not me?
That a girl.
I'll be my own boss.
Uh, no, you'll
have a boss
but the tips are all
under the table.
( laughing )
( nervous chuckle )
uh, okay.
The golfers are cheap.
They think,
'cause I'm a woman
i'm supposed to be
miss merry sunshine.
Well, the hell
with that.
I had no idea
you were a woman.
Just take these drinks
out to seven.
As long as you can do
basic math, you'll be fine.
Excuse me.
Did you order these drinks?
Yeah, but maybe
I've had enough.
You look a lot better
than you did 15 minutes ago.
I had them
check my math
so I know it's right.
Okay... I can do this.
Hey, it's all yours...
As long as you don't let
the sea hag
bring our
drinks anymore.
( laughing )
and we can eat
what's left over
from the buffet
and we get to use
the kids' pool
until 7:00 a.m.
Well, how do I get
a job like that, huh?
Oh, aunt peggy,
I don't know.
The other drink girl
is a woman your age
and the golfers
don't like her.
I could be a golf course
drink girl.
( feminine voice ):
is there anything else
I can get you gentlemen?
Bobby, don't let your father
see you do that, honey.
I have to thank uncle hank.
What is
the best possible present
I could possibly get him?
Well, I always
get him pants.
I got him socks
one year. Mm-mm.
never again.
No, no, no, no, no.
that's no good.
I have to get him
something he really loves.
Something that will just
make him go... Wow!
( laughing )
I've noticed that uncle hank
doesn't wear any jewelry
so I'm going to get him
some jewelry.
That's not
what he needs.
I know a man who can remove
hank's fingerprints for him.
But believe me,
pay the extra
and get the $50 job.
I tell you what, man,
boy, man, dang ol'
electronic assistant.
Man, never...
miss a meeting.
Check it out.
Boomhauer:
tell you what... About 5:00
i'm going to have
beers and then go...
Hanging out at auto store
you know... And then come back
and workin' out maybe...
something like that.
Oh, man,
dang ol' wednesday, man.
You know, hank and me
used to go bowling
and I'd tell people
we were brothers
and he was better than me
but he'd let me win
sometimes
and we'd stay out
way too late
and maybe if you bought him
another bowling ball
( voice breaking ):
it'd be like before
peggy came.
Luanne:
what man doesn't like
a nice soap or candle?
Oh, that bottle of vicks
is really expensive.
Why don't you get him
a gift certificate?
There are lots of things
at the hotel he can use.
I bought my husband
a round of golf
and our love life has
never been better.
Luanne:
of course, that's it.
And she said I should buy him
a round of golf
and then it was easy.
Oh, luanne,
hank loves golf.
A round of golf makes
my presents look like...
Well, nothing.
Oh, no, aunt peggy.
Of course it does.
No, no, no, no, no.
You don't understand...
Surprise!
Well, what's this?
I know it's not
my birthday.
I didn't get my pants
from peggy.
( hank chuckling )
( laughing )
oh, my god!
Look at your face!
You thought it
was a big box
but it's a small box!
But you know what they say
about small packages.
It's a round of golf.
No, bobby, no.
The round of golf
gave me the idea,
but it's...
A dolphin encounter?
That's right.
There's a dolphin
in a pool at the hotel
and you can
swim with it
and touch it and
it communes with you
and you can feed
it dead fish.
Well, luanne, this sure was
a thoughtful present
and it looks
like you spent
a lot of money on it.
And hey, if I wanted
to exchange it
for that round of golf,
I could do that, right?
You wouldn't want
to replace it.
It cost more than
a round of golf.
And I... I...
( sobbing ):
i... I...
Excuse me.
Well, somebody should go
talk to luanne.
( humming tune )
oh, all right.
( sobbing )
well, hey, luanne,
you know what?
I've never climbed
into a pool with a big fish.
I guess it just never
occurred to me.
So maybe this dolphin
confrontation
would be something
i'd be glad I had done
after it was over.
It's an encounter.
Even better.
Peggy:
come on, hank.
Looks like you're
going golfing.
Yeah, looks like.
Didn't know dolphins
knew how to play golf.
( laughing )
shut up, dale.
They have
a store
that sells
red skelton paintings.
I am there.
Although I do not
like his clowns.
Look at
that brunch!
Prime rib for breakfast?
Wow, it's true.
I guess I owe bill
an apology.
Uncle hank, it's time
for your dolphin
encounter orientation.
Hank:
boy, look at
that beef.
I never get brunch.
To think of all the years
I've wasted without capers.
They work with the salmon
they work with
the little pickles
and I think they might work
with fruit pies.
( sniffing )
hello, what have we here?
One man who was healed
by dolphins told me
"angels are dolphins
who haven't learned to swim."
People ask me
how to approach
these wise cetaceans
and I can only say,
be honest with them
and they will share
their secrets with you.
I'm going to lower
the lights now
so we can watch our video,
a dream of dolphins.
( new age music playing )
woman:
I dive into the gentle sea
to free the dolphin
inside of me.
( gasps )
I don't want
any photos.
Go take pictures
of the golf course.
They can feel negative energy.
Relax.
( whistles )
go!
wow!
( chuckles )
that was a mighty fine catch.
He kind of feels like rubber.
Hold on to duke's fin.
Let him take you.
Hey, look at me.
Hey, luanne, this isn't
as asinine as I thought.
Thanks.
( chuckling )
( chattering )
boy, I tell you what
this is one...
Just a second, duke.
Hey... Hey, cut it out.
( sputtering )
what's going on?!
There's nothing wrong, but
maybe you should get out
of the pool immediately.
( yelling )
what do I do?
Have fun.
Get the manager out here.
( gurgling scream )
bobby:
how's this?
Well, that is perfect.
No, wait, wait.
One with the flash
just to be safe.
Excuse me. Is it safe
to assume you won't
be purchasing
a videotape
of your dolphin encounter?
Get out of here!
You're in trouble--
all of you!
That fish better
have had its shots.
Mr. Hill, I'm
the food and
recreation director
here at la grunta...
That thing attacked me!
That's not what
my niece paid for.
Is it?
No. Is it?
Y'all used me for chum.
That stupid fish
could have drowned me.
Mr. Hill,
there's no way on earth
duke would have let you drown.
That dolphin loves you. A lot.
That's a damn
funny way to show it.
Mr. Hill, duke
has the same
desires we all do.
With all of your
fondling, duke
became aroused
and was attempting
to become...
Physically
intimate with you.
Oh, my god.
It's a compliment,
really.
( retching noises )
he's not going to
get away with this.
Give me that tape!
I'm sending this
to when animals attack.
Then they'll fly
us out to hollywood,
'cause it's going to win.
Luanne, please!
No one is going
to see that tape.
Now, Mr. Hill
let's move on
past the blame game.
I don't care
who led who on.
Now, if you'll sign
our waiver form...
Uncle hank...
Your family's brunch is free
that handsome
bathrobe is yours
along with a
beautiful gift basket
and we'll throw in
25 la grunta dollars.
Fine.
We'll go
get the form.
Luanne, you and I
have a secret
that we must take
to our graves.
Are you threatening to kill me,
uncle hank?
Of course not.
They're right.
la grunta is the greatest.
They even have
extra-wide slippers
for the full-footed woman.
Oh, luanne, honey
how could you afford
all these things?
Um... How could
I afford not to?
No, luanne.
what I really meant was...
I don't know how
she could be so
dang generous, either.
You didn't
steal them, did you?
You didn't.
Honey, did you
try the capers
with your
fruit pies yet?
That was a real disappointment.
I'd rather not talk about it.
We're doing great.
They don't
suspect a thing.
You see that?
It's like
it never happened.
But, uh... Luanne, you
can't mention it to me, even
or it's like
it did happen, you see?
Gotcha.
Ooh! "la grunta
microbrewery."
Shut up, dale.
You can't say "shut up."
I haven't made fun of you
for going to the hotel yet.
How long are you
going to beat this
into the ground?
The hotel is history.
I thought I could have a morning
without hearing
about the dolphin
but I guess not.
So what's your
damn dolphin joke?
Now you've ruined it.
Good.
Hank's got one!
I get hooksies!
ahh!
( screams )
ah! Get it off.
( screams )
( gasping )
it was an ugly fish.
I got a little
scared, too.
Peggy:
98.8 degrees.
Well, you can have
it your way, Mr. Egg.
We can wait just
as long as you.
You're not dealing with a couple
of hormone-crazed teenagers
here.
Come on!
( knocking on door )
okay. We're decent.
Turndown service.
Here's your hotel mints.
Bingo!
It's time!
Oh, yeah!
( bedsprings squeaking
like dolphin )
( screaming )
hank, what's
wrong with you?
( knocking )
are you guys going
to eat those mints?
It was a good day
for it, too.
Hey, all right!
drink girl! Hey!
The drink girl
gets to take
my putt for me.
Oh, I don't
know how.
It's easy. Here,
i'll show you.
Now, you
relax the grip.
Keep your
arms straight, huh?
Shoulders back.
Now, flex those knees
and bend your waist.
Hey, you have good form.
Sorry. I got to go.
Whoa! Wait!
the lesson's
not over yet.
I mean, we didn't
pay for our drinks.
That's okay.
Coming through.
Don't touch me!
I'm sorry.
That's okay.
You didn't do anything.
Is something wrong?
Oh, I shouldn't
tell anyone.
Well, you
didn't tell me.
I figured it out.
I guess.
Bobby, some of the men
on the golf course
got fresh with me.
Hmm. Did they use
any swear words?
No. It was
more physical.
Hank:
did you
report them?
Well, no.
Then everyone would know.
Besides, I shouldn't have taken
the putt in the first place.
That was unprofessional.
Luanne, that's crazy.
Well, you didn't
tell anyone
when you were...
Luanne, please?
You see, it's better
to just put these
things behind you.
If you can make
it work, so can i.
Wait a minute.
I didn't mean...
Sorry.
Can't talk about it.
Now I'm not so sure
I want to be
a golf course drink girl.
Dad, we're down
to two jars of capers.
Well, we can't
get any more.
What does that mean?
How hard can it be?
You don't want to know.
What are you
doing, luanne?
Looking pretty in public
is just asking for trouble
so I borrowed
some of your clothes.
Okay, I'm just saying
those two jars aren't going
to get me through the weekend.
no!
All right, hank,
i'm nobody's fool.
So what exactly is going on?
( sighs )
it was the dolphin.
He, uh... Attacked me.
Hmm. I see.
No, it was more than that.
He... Remember the movie
on lifetime--
You know, what gregory harrison
did to valerie bertinelli?
Oh, my god!
Oh, I have never...
Well, actually, I have had
a dog hump my leg.
Oh, it doesn't feel good,
does it?
No. I thought ignoring it
would make it better
but it just made it worse...
for everyone.
You know, I've never
said this about
anything before
but it feels good
to talk about it.
That's good, hank.
Come on,
just let it all out.
It is so horrible.
I mean, that creature
swimming at you
with that hungry look
waving his... I mean,
does he even have a...?
It's a mammal, peggy.
Oh, well, then
of course he would.
I'm sorry.
He is a mammal, and
would have mammalian organs
roughly in proportion
to body size, I'm guessing?
Uh... That's enough
talking about it for now.
Whatever feels best.
This is all
so disorienting.
It's hard not to...
I mean, did he
know where to go?
Peggy!
I don't know
what I'm going to do
but it starts with
not lying about what happened.
It's the dolphin who ought
to be ashamed of himself.
( all laughing )
( crying )
it happened to me!
The same thing happened to me
six years ago.
And four years ago.
All:
What?
Oh, yeah.
I saved up the $150
and I was going to live it up.
I was going to live it up
like the big boys
swimming with the dolphins.
It was going
to turn my life around...
Give me my confidence back...
And then...
Well, what did
you do about it?
Those hotel guys bought me off
with this t-shirt.
It made me feel cheap and used
but it... It breathes nice.
All right, well,
there's one thing I can do--
Quit drinking that hotel beer.
I'm going
to take it back.
Good for you,
hank hill.
You throw those
30 pieces of silver
right back at them.
The slippers,
too, peggy.
Oh, a pair of slippers
isn't going to give
you your dignity back.
You were humped
by a dolphin.
Come on, peggy.
Yes, that's so true.
You're so wise.
There! Take it all back!
I don't want your payoff!
What do you want?
Money? Publicity?
I want to see to it
that no one has to go through
what I went through
except for a female dolphin.
You signed
the agreement.
Our lawyers will
do what it takes
to protect the good
name of la grunta.
Why must you speak
through guys like him?
Why is it never me?
Here you go, darlin'.
( chattering )
hey! Hey, what's this?
Who are you, the parking guy?
Okay, I'm not handicapped.
Luanne:
go ahead! Run!
Because I'm through
running away from you!
From now on, I'm going
to dress any way I want
and you're just going
to have to deal with it!
( applause )
you think you can touch
anyone you want
anywhere you want?
Think it's okay
'cause no one says it's not?
Okay, you threw
me in the pool.
Good job!
I don't care!
I was going
for a swim anyway.
( squeaking )
you know,
people pay
a lot of money
to swim in here!
So you gave it
to me for free.
Thanks, pal.
Hey,
I owe you one!
Maybe I'll buy you a beer!
Hey, hey, what
are you...?
what...? Hey!
Hey-hey-hey-hey!
hey!
( screams )
let's all wish
duke good luck
as he begins his return
to the ocean.
( voice breaking ):
good-bye, duke.
Good-bye.
( all )
bye.
good-bye, duke.
Good-bye, duke.
I love you!
Mom, can I have a t-shirt?
Thank you,
uncle hank.
You're welcome,
luanne.
Can I send in
the video
to when animals
attack now?
I don't think so.
We could
split the money.
That's not necessary.
I can have it all?
Luanne, give me the tape.
I already sent it in.
I thought you'd say yes.
( hank sighs )
hank:
I never get brunch.
oh, that's my ride.
Uncle hank,
can I borrow $22.50?
I need eight dollars
for the movie
and $2.50 for popcorn
and ten dollars for dinner
and I want to play
the claw machine.
I would give up the popcorn
to play the claw machine.
You know, luanne, it would be
a lot less irritating
to give you a round number
every now and then
than hearing about every
little thing you wanted to buy.
Can I have $300?
Look, here's $60.
Now, I lived
for a month on $60 thanks to...
Hey, guys! I got $60!
You know, by letting
luanne live like this
we send out the message
that it's okay.
Maybe that's what's
wrong with bobby.
Man:
Now I can bite an apple
with confidence.
My betsy left her job
at the la grunta hotel.
She could put in
a good word for luanne.
What's the job?
Golf course
drink girl.
I went to the
la grunta once.
It cost eight dollars
just to park there.
You could get 200
washers for that.
400 at the mega lo mart.
What's that
supposed to mean?
Now, calm down, guys.
This is why I shop here.
It may cost more,
but it's worth it.
Eight cents.
I've got a family.
Luanne, that's
my helmet phone.
I'm sorry, but I can't
just starve to death
as convenient as that
would be for you.
And you won't give me
any more money
because I spent everything
you gave me last night.
But...
Well, you know what?
It doesn't matter
because I found an exciting
opportunity for you.
How would you like to be
a golf course drink girl?
You'd have your own money.
( gasps )
my own money...
Nobody making me beg for
every little penny like a dog.
Yep, you'd show
me, all right.
Ooh, a golf course
drink girl.
Hey, why not me?
That a girl.
I'll be my own boss.
Uh, no, you'll
have a boss
but the tips are all
under the table.
( laughing )
( nervous chuckle )
uh, okay.
The golfers are cheap.
They think,
'cause I'm a woman
i'm supposed to be
miss merry sunshine.
Well, the hell
with that.
I had no idea
you were a woman.
Just take these drinks
out to seven.
As long as you can do
basic math, you'll be fine.
Excuse me.
Did you order these drinks?
Yeah, but maybe
I've had enough.
You look a lot better
than you did 15 minutes ago.
I had them
check my math
so I know it's right.
Okay... I can do this.
Hey, it's all yours...
As long as you don't let
the sea hag
bring our
drinks anymore.
( laughing )
and we can eat
what's left over
from the buffet
and we get to use
the kids' pool
until 7:00 a.m.
Well, how do I get
a job like that, huh?
Oh, aunt peggy,
I don't know.
The other drink girl
is a woman your age
and the golfers
don't like her.
I could be a golf course
drink girl.
( feminine voice ):
is there anything else
I can get you gentlemen?
Bobby, don't let your father
see you do that, honey.
I have to thank uncle hank.
What is
the best possible present
I could possibly get him?
Well, I always
get him pants.
I got him socks
one year. Mm-mm.
never again.
No, no, no, no, no.
that's no good.
I have to get him
something he really loves.
Something that will just
make him go... Wow!
( laughing )
I've noticed that uncle hank
doesn't wear any jewelry
so I'm going to get him
some jewelry.
That's not
what he needs.
I know a man who can remove
hank's fingerprints for him.
But believe me,
pay the extra
and get the $50 job.
I tell you what, man,
boy, man, dang ol'
electronic assistant.
Man, never...
miss a meeting.
Check it out.
Boomhauer:
tell you what... About 5:00
i'm going to have
beers and then go...
Hanging out at auto store
you know... And then come back
and workin' out maybe...
something like that.
Oh, man,
dang ol' wednesday, man.
You know, hank and me
used to go bowling
and I'd tell people
we were brothers
and he was better than me
but he'd let me win
sometimes
and we'd stay out
way too late
and maybe if you bought him
another bowling ball
( voice breaking ):
it'd be like before
peggy came.
Luanne:
what man doesn't like
a nice soap or candle?
Oh, that bottle of vicks
is really expensive.
Why don't you get him
a gift certificate?
There are lots of things
at the hotel he can use.
I bought my husband
a round of golf
and our love life has
never been better.
Luanne:
of course, that's it.
And she said I should buy him
a round of golf
and then it was easy.
Oh, luanne,
hank loves golf.
A round of golf makes
my presents look like...
Well, nothing.
Oh, no, aunt peggy.
Of course it does.
No, no, no, no, no.
You don't understand...
Surprise!
Well, what's this?
I know it's not
my birthday.
I didn't get my pants
from peggy.
( hank chuckling )
( laughing )
oh, my god!
Look at your face!
You thought it
was a big box
but it's a small box!
But you know what they say
about small packages.
It's a round of golf.
No, bobby, no.
The round of golf
gave me the idea,
but it's...
A dolphin encounter?
That's right.
There's a dolphin
in a pool at the hotel
and you can
swim with it
and touch it and
it communes with you
and you can feed
it dead fish.
Well, luanne, this sure was
a thoughtful present
and it looks
like you spent
a lot of money on it.
And hey, if I wanted
to exchange it
for that round of golf,
I could do that, right?
You wouldn't want
to replace it.
It cost more than
a round of golf.
And I... I...
( sobbing ):
i... I...
Excuse me.
Well, somebody should go
talk to luanne.
( humming tune )
oh, all right.
( sobbing )
well, hey, luanne,
you know what?
I've never climbed
into a pool with a big fish.
I guess it just never
occurred to me.
So maybe this dolphin
confrontation
would be something
i'd be glad I had done
after it was over.
It's an encounter.
Even better.
Peggy:
come on, hank.
Looks like you're
going golfing.
Yeah, looks like.
Didn't know dolphins
knew how to play golf.
( laughing )
shut up, dale.
They have
a store
that sells
red skelton paintings.
I am there.
Although I do not
like his clowns.
Look at
that brunch!
Prime rib for breakfast?
Wow, it's true.
I guess I owe bill
an apology.
Uncle hank, it's time
for your dolphin
encounter orientation.
Hank:
boy, look at
that beef.
I never get brunch.
To think of all the years
I've wasted without capers.
They work with the salmon
they work with
the little pickles
and I think they might work
with fruit pies.
( sniffing )
hello, what have we here?
One man who was healed
by dolphins told me
"angels are dolphins
who haven't learned to swim."
People ask me
how to approach
these wise cetaceans
and I can only say,
be honest with them
and they will share
their secrets with you.
I'm going to lower
the lights now
so we can watch our video,
a dream of dolphins.
( new age music playing )
woman:
I dive into the gentle sea
to free the dolphin
inside of me.
( gasps )
I don't want
any photos.
Go take pictures
of the golf course.
They can feel negative energy.
Relax.
( whistles )
go!
wow!
( chuckles )
that was a mighty fine catch.
He kind of feels like rubber.
Hold on to duke's fin.
Let him take you.
Hey, look at me.
Hey, luanne, this isn't
as asinine as I thought.
Thanks.
( chuckling )
( chattering )
boy, I tell you what
this is one...
Just a second, duke.
Hey... Hey, cut it out.
( sputtering )
what's going on?!
There's nothing wrong, but
maybe you should get out
of the pool immediately.
( yelling )
what do I do?
Have fun.
Get the manager out here.
( gurgling scream )
bobby:
how's this?
Well, that is perfect.
No, wait, wait.
One with the flash
just to be safe.
Excuse me. Is it safe
to assume you won't
be purchasing
a videotape
of your dolphin encounter?
Get out of here!
You're in trouble--
all of you!
That fish better
have had its shots.
Mr. Hill, I'm
the food and
recreation director
here at la grunta...
That thing attacked me!
That's not what
my niece paid for.
Is it?
No. Is it?
Y'all used me for chum.
That stupid fish
could have drowned me.
Mr. Hill,
there's no way on earth
duke would have let you drown.
That dolphin loves you. A lot.
That's a damn
funny way to show it.
Mr. Hill, duke
has the same
desires we all do.
With all of your
fondling, duke
became aroused
and was attempting
to become...
Physically
intimate with you.
Oh, my god.
It's a compliment,
really.
( retching noises )
he's not going to
get away with this.
Give me that tape!
I'm sending this
to when animals attack.
Then they'll fly
us out to hollywood,
'cause it's going to win.
Luanne, please!
No one is going
to see that tape.
Now, Mr. Hill
let's move on
past the blame game.
I don't care
who led who on.
Now, if you'll sign
our waiver form...
Uncle hank...
Your family's brunch is free
that handsome
bathrobe is yours
along with a
beautiful gift basket
and we'll throw in
25 la grunta dollars.
Fine.
We'll go
get the form.
Luanne, you and I
have a secret
that we must take
to our graves.
Are you threatening to kill me,
uncle hank?
Of course not.
They're right.
la grunta is the greatest.
They even have
extra-wide slippers
for the full-footed woman.
Oh, luanne, honey
how could you afford
all these things?
Um... How could
I afford not to?
No, luanne.
what I really meant was...
I don't know how
she could be so
dang generous, either.
You didn't
steal them, did you?
You didn't.
Honey, did you
try the capers
with your
fruit pies yet?
That was a real disappointment.
I'd rather not talk about it.
We're doing great.
They don't
suspect a thing.
You see that?
It's like
it never happened.
But, uh... Luanne, you
can't mention it to me, even
or it's like
it did happen, you see?
Gotcha.
Ooh! "la grunta
microbrewery."
Shut up, dale.
You can't say "shut up."
I haven't made fun of you
for going to the hotel yet.
How long are you
going to beat this
into the ground?
The hotel is history.
I thought I could have a morning
without hearing
about the dolphin
but I guess not.
So what's your
damn dolphin joke?
Now you've ruined it.
Good.
Hank's got one!
I get hooksies!
ahh!
( screams )
ah! Get it off.
( screams )
( gasping )
it was an ugly fish.
I got a little
scared, too.
Peggy:
98.8 degrees.
Well, you can have
it your way, Mr. Egg.
We can wait just
as long as you.
You're not dealing with a couple
of hormone-crazed teenagers
here.
Come on!
( knocking on door )
okay. We're decent.
Turndown service.
Here's your hotel mints.
Bingo!
It's time!
Oh, yeah!
( bedsprings squeaking
like dolphin )
( screaming )
hank, what's
wrong with you?
( knocking )
are you guys going
to eat those mints?
It was a good day
for it, too.
Hey, all right!
drink girl! Hey!
The drink girl
gets to take
my putt for me.
Oh, I don't
know how.
It's easy. Here,
i'll show you.
Now, you
relax the grip.
Keep your
arms straight, huh?
Shoulders back.
Now, flex those knees
and bend your waist.
Hey, you have good form.
Sorry. I got to go.
Whoa! Wait!
the lesson's
not over yet.
I mean, we didn't
pay for our drinks.
That's okay.
Coming through.
Don't touch me!
I'm sorry.
That's okay.
You didn't do anything.
Is something wrong?
Oh, I shouldn't
tell anyone.
Well, you
didn't tell me.
I figured it out.
I guess.
Bobby, some of the men
on the golf course
got fresh with me.
Hmm. Did they use
any swear words?
No. It was
more physical.
Hank:
did you
report them?
Well, no.
Then everyone would know.
Besides, I shouldn't have taken
the putt in the first place.
That was unprofessional.
Luanne, that's crazy.
Well, you didn't
tell anyone
when you were...
Luanne, please?
You see, it's better
to just put these
things behind you.
If you can make
it work, so can i.
Wait a minute.
I didn't mean...
Sorry.
Can't talk about it.
Now I'm not so sure
I want to be
a golf course drink girl.
Dad, we're down
to two jars of capers.
Well, we can't
get any more.
What does that mean?
How hard can it be?
You don't want to know.
What are you
doing, luanne?
Looking pretty in public
is just asking for trouble
so I borrowed
some of your clothes.
Okay, I'm just saying
those two jars aren't going
to get me through the weekend.
no!
All right, hank,
i'm nobody's fool.
So what exactly is going on?
( sighs )
it was the dolphin.
He, uh... Attacked me.
Hmm. I see.
No, it was more than that.
He... Remember the movie
on lifetime--
You know, what gregory harrison
did to valerie bertinelli?
Oh, my god!
Oh, I have never...
Well, actually, I have had
a dog hump my leg.
Oh, it doesn't feel good,
does it?
No. I thought ignoring it
would make it better
but it just made it worse...
for everyone.
You know, I've never
said this about
anything before
but it feels good
to talk about it.
That's good, hank.
Come on,
just let it all out.
It is so horrible.
I mean, that creature
swimming at you
with that hungry look
waving his... I mean,
does he even have a...?
It's a mammal, peggy.
Oh, well, then
of course he would.
I'm sorry.
He is a mammal, and
would have mammalian organs
roughly in proportion
to body size, I'm guessing?
Uh... That's enough
talking about it for now.
Whatever feels best.
This is all
so disorienting.
It's hard not to...
I mean, did he
know where to go?
Peggy!
I don't know
what I'm going to do
but it starts with
not lying about what happened.
It's the dolphin who ought
to be ashamed of himself.
( all laughing )
( crying )
it happened to me!
The same thing happened to me
six years ago.
And four years ago.
All:
What?
Oh, yeah.
I saved up the $150
and I was going to live it up.
I was going to live it up
like the big boys
swimming with the dolphins.
It was going
to turn my life around...
Give me my confidence back...
And then...
Well, what did
you do about it?
Those hotel guys bought me off
with this t-shirt.
It made me feel cheap and used
but it... It breathes nice.
All right, well,
there's one thing I can do--
Quit drinking that hotel beer.
I'm going
to take it back.
Good for you,
hank hill.
You throw those
30 pieces of silver
right back at them.
The slippers,
too, peggy.
Oh, a pair of slippers
isn't going to give
you your dignity back.
You were humped
by a dolphin.
Come on, peggy.
Yes, that's so true.
You're so wise.
There! Take it all back!
I don't want your payoff!
What do you want?
Money? Publicity?
I want to see to it
that no one has to go through
what I went through
except for a female dolphin.
You signed
the agreement.
Our lawyers will
do what it takes
to protect the good
name of la grunta.
Why must you speak
through guys like him?
Why is it never me?
Here you go, darlin'.
( chattering )
hey! Hey, what's this?
Who are you, the parking guy?
Okay, I'm not handicapped.
Luanne:
go ahead! Run!
Because I'm through
running away from you!
From now on, I'm going
to dress any way I want
and you're just going
to have to deal with it!
( applause )
you think you can touch
anyone you want
anywhere you want?
Think it's okay
'cause no one says it's not?
Okay, you threw
me in the pool.
Good job!
I don't care!
I was going
for a swim anyway.
( squeaking )
you know,
people pay
a lot of money
to swim in here!
So you gave it
to me for free.
Thanks, pal.
Hey,
I owe you one!
Maybe I'll buy you a beer!
Hey, hey, what
are you...?
what...? Hey!
Hey-hey-hey-hey!
hey!
( screams )
let's all wish
duke good luck
as he begins his return
to the ocean.
( voice breaking ):
good-bye, duke.
Good-bye.
( all )
bye.
good-bye, duke.
Good-bye, duke.
I love you!
Mom, can I have a t-shirt?
Thank you,
uncle hank.
You're welcome,
luanne.
Can I send in
the video
to when animals
attack now?
I don't think so.
We could
split the money.
That's not necessary.
I can have it all?
Luanne, give me the tape.
I already sent it in.
I thought you'd say yes.
( hank sighs )
hank:
I never get brunch.