King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 3, Episode 15 - Sleight of Hank - full transcript
Hank is upset when Peggy refuses to reveal the details of a magic trick to him.
Bobby:
it looks
like a... Rabbit.
Peggy:
oh, I guess that's
the tail, huh?
Very good, honey.
What else do you see?
That one looks
like a pig.
No, wait--
maybe it's a ham.
Bobby, in your
imagination
there are no
wrong answers.
Look, mom, a bee.
Well, yeah, I guess
that could be
maybe a puffy
little wing and...
oh.
We even fooled a bee.
Well, that's because
bees are stupid.
Fool an owl... Then we'll talk.
Hank:
guess who sold
three barbecues today.
Dad! In here!
I'm painting my room.
Well, all right, son.
You can finally wear
those overalls
without being embarrassed.
I'll get the funsaver.
Uh, eh, hold on a minute.
This is our son's
first paint job.
Do we really want
to remember it
looking all blotchy?
Those aren't blotches.
They're clouds.
huh?
You painted clouds?
White, puffy clouds.
This is a boy's room,
not a day-care center.
A boy's room
should be blue.
I'm painting it back.
Hank--
Please do not
stifle him.
If my son wants
to stare at clouds, then...
He can look out
the dang window.
He can see all the
clouds he wants.
Not at night.
Mm-hmm. At night, all you
can see out that window
is bill dancing with his mop.
yup.
yup.
yup.
yup.
You don't
even know
what we were
talking about.
All right,
what is it?
Nancy's birthday's
on saturday
and I'm throwing her
a surprise party.
"abracapasta.
Magic, dining and more."
( groans )
yeah. I been spraying
their kitchen
for roaches and silverfish
and, well,
until business picks up
they're paying me
in free magic shows.
You have
to come.
You already
said "yup."
Oh, all right,
i'll go to the show
but I'm not clapping.
I don't like magicians.
Don't trust 'em.
Ever since
david copperfield
made the statue
of liberty disappear.
Shame oh him.
Remember, people, this
is a covert operation.
I have recruited
one john redcorn
to keep nancy
busy all day.
She will not suspect a thing.
Oh, sug, this
place is perfect.
No one will ever
spot us in this dump.
Uh, maybe you
should take
your hands
out of my jeans now.
Sug, what
is the matter?
You're so...
Oh, my god--
it's dale.
Surprise!
( cheering )
happy birthday, baby.
Happy
birthday,
baby.
Nice work,
john redcorn.
She didn't suspect a thing.
You are so clueless.
Ha-ha, ha-ha-ha.
Honey, you never
get older.
Were you
surprised?
Well, it's been
a wonderful party.
hank
Sit down and enjoy
the magic show.
( sighs )
the last thing I need
is some silky man
in his silky scarves
trying to trick me
into having fun.
Announcer:
ladies and
gentlemen.
Abracapasta is proud to present
all the way
from guadalajara, mexico
the astounding...
Herrera!
Oh, lord.
( audience cheering )
( heavy accent ):
good evening,
ladies and gentlemens.
I am... Astounding herrera.
Get ready to be... Astounded.
Did you see that?
He pulled the watch
right out of his pocket.
Oh, hank, will
you be quiet?
That's not part
of the trick.
Where did that
watch come from?
Yes. There are no wires.
The only thing
holding her up... Is magic.
Sure. Who needs wires
when you got a forklift
behind the curtain?
Hank, would
you please?
( audience gasping )
and now
the sawing of woman in halfs.
You see that now?
he just lied to us.
He didn't
really cut her.
No one wants
to hear it, hank.
For my next illusion
I will need a volunteer
from the audience.
A beautiful womans.
Well...
He's not going
to pick you.
He's got a plant
in the audience.
Hank, you are not sitting
in a room full of idiots.
We know he didn't really
saw that woman.
We know birds don't grow
out of his fingers.
We know his accent
is phony
but we don't care.
The fun is pretending
that it's real.
Ah, yes. You.
Huh? Oh.
( giggles )
excuse me.
Thank you.
And what is your name,
my lovely?
Me lammo peggy hill.
Ah! You speak spanish...
In a way.
Then you must know
that most pinatas
is filled
with the candies.
And este burro
is no exception
but the sweetness
I am filling it with
is the sweetness
that is... Peggy hill.
( chuckles )
man:
get in there, peggy.
Woman:
come on, peggy.
( audience gasps )
I will take three swings
at the burro.
If Miss peggy hill is lucky,
I will miss.
Will she get lucky tonight?
( wicked laugh )
one!
( audience gasps )
two.
( audience gasps )
ay, dios mio.
Will astounding herrera
strike out
with Miss peggy hill?
We shall see.
Three.
All right,
that's enough.
Get out
of the donkey, peggy.
We're going home.
But I still have one more chance
to hit on your wife.
( audience laughs )
all right, mister,
I've had enough
of your tomfoolery.
Let her out of there.
As you wish.
( gasps, cheers )
whee!
Where's peggy?
You bring my wife
back right now
or I'm getting
the manager.
( trilling )
i'm right
here, hank.
( audience gasping )
( cheering )
what?
How did you do that?
I cannot break
the magician's code
and neither
can my lovely assistant.
Okay, that's it.
Nancy's birthday party
is over.
He will not
get very far
without his keys,
ladies and gentlemens.
( applause )
you thief, I'll kick your ass.
( coughing )
what the...?
hey.
( lively music plays )
a trap door.
no.
Mirrors in the...
no.
Rotating stage?
Will you stop it?
I promised herrera
I would not tell
and there is nothing
more important to a magician
than keeping secrets--
Probably because so
many of them are gay.
Well, you made a promise
to me, too--
Love, honor and obey--
And I want you to obey me
when I tell you
to tell me
how that trick was done.
( chuckling )
you just can't stand
that I know something
that you don't.
Well, get used
to it, hank
because I will never
tell you how that
trick was done.
Never, ever.
So, uh...
this herrera
is he, uh...?
Yes, of course he is.
Now leave me alone.
Then the pinata exploded
in a shower of candy.
Wow. What kind
of candy?
Jolly ranchers.
Oh, my god.
But... Poof! I was gone.
Where were you?
Back in my seat
taking a long, cool
sip of my corona.
No one knew how
I got there.
Perhaps not even me.
Would you stop
filling his head with nonsense?
Bobby, there is a perfectly
logical explanation
for your mother's
brief disappearance.
I'm listening.
Well, uh...
You see... Uh...
( peggy sighs )
all right,
I will tell you.
It was magic.
I knew it.
Aren't you late
for school?
It's sunday.
What about sunday school?
oop.
"'and I will dwell
in the house
of the lord forever'
growled the bear."
( church bells ringing )
oh... Before we go--
children, children--
I want to know
who everyone's doing
their bible report on next week.
Bobby hill?
I'm going to do my report
on jesus.
Oh, I love jesus.
Jesus is good,
bobby. Very good.
She disappeared
from the pinata
and reappeared
in her chair.
The question is how.
Any theories?
You're asking me
if I have theories?
About the magic
trick, dale.
Oh. Not a clue.
Ah! It's done with twins.
One peggy in the pinata,
one peggy in the audience.
Another woman who
looks like peggy?
Smells like peggy?
feels like...?
My wife does not
have a twin.
You don't know that
for sure and you never will.
They destroyed
the proof
when they blew up
one of the peggys.
( sighs ):
boomhauer?
I didn't see nothing.
Talking about
that cocktail waitress
gave me her phone number
and go back in that place
and ol' ropes and pulleys
all over, man.
Yeah, that could work.
Peggy is hoisted
by a rope
climbs out a heating duct
runs through the parking lot...
Not even close.
Mom already told you
how the trick was done.
Magic.
I knew it!
Bobby, don't you have
some homework to do?
no.
What about
sunday school homework?
oy.
"this beginning of miracles
did jesus in cana of galilee
"and manifested
forth his glory
and his disciples
believed on him."
What do you think?
Well, it seems
a little, um... Boring.
Yeah. Boring.
But I copied it
right out of the bible.
Oh. Well, I didn't
mean boring. Not boring.
I mean, it's...
No, you're right.
It stinks.
Because you're not
being creative with it.
Okay...
When I substitute teach
a history class
I just don't read the declaration of
independence.
I maybe read it
in a funny voice.
You know, um...
( imitating fat albert):
"hey, hey, hey,
we, the people..."
You see what I'm saying?
Hank:
let's go, luanne.
We're late.
Where are you going?
out.
out?
Yes. Out.
To see the astounding
herrera at abracapasta.
Luanne!
Can I come, too?
Bobby, honey, no.
Your father is just
going to tell you
how all the tricks are done
and possibly ruin magic
for you forever.
Now, wouldn't you rather
stay in your room
and do some homework? Huh?
Ready?
I'll get my coat.
She's got her legs
pulled up to her chest.
So those are fake feet
sticking out of the box.
If it's that
obvious to you
imagine how I feel.
For my final illusion
I will need a volunteer
from the audience--
A beautiful womans.
Okay, luanne--
like we practiced.
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Yes, please.
In the back.
Yes, please.
In the back.
Yes, please.
( giggling )
I won't really disappear.
I won't
really disappear.
I won't really disappear.
And now,
I step inside the pinata.
Hank:
no! She's supposed
to go in there!
That's not how
you do the trick.
( applause )
psst. Have you figured
it out yet?
Um... I think
that's my seat.
Peggy! Peggy, come here quick!
I figured it out.
All right,
how is it done?
Get in the box. You'll see.
Why can't you just tell me?
Please.
( imitates accent ):
for my next trick
I need a beautiful womans.
Well, all right.
I have sealed
the box.
Okay, now what?
Now you tell me
how that trick was done.
What?
You're not getting out
till you tell me.
Hank hill!
I can wait.
Mom, dad, we're going
to be late for church.
I'll be right there, honey.
Okay.
( sighs )
all right.
"...but I only saw
one set of footprints
'cause god was holding me."
( applause )
peggy...
I'm sorry. I didn't...
Thou shalt
not speak to me.
Our next report
is from bobby hill:
"the amazing jesus."
Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.
I am the amazing jesus
son of god
and master of prestidigitation!
Thank you!
Has this ever happened to you?
Your followers
want a glass of wine
but all you have is water?
Well, if you're
the amazing jesus, no problem.
Water into wine!
It's a miracle!
John 2:11.
Thank you.
( audience whispering )
now, we're going
to need something
to go with all this wine.
Maybe some bread.
But how are you going
to feed all these hungry people
with just one slice?
No problem
if you're the amazing jesus!
Amen!
It's a miracle,
ladies and gentlemen.
Mark 6:44.
Thank you!
( gasping )
( clapping )
and now, for
my next miracle
i'm going to need
a large wooden cross
and a couple of volunteers.
no!
no!
What you did
was wrong.
You're supposed
to love jesus
not make
a mockery of him.
Next bumper sticker I see,
you will get up here
and you will honk
like the dickens.
I was just trying
to make jesus interesting
like mom told me.
Our lord and savior
does not need any help
keeping people's interest.
I-i... I thought bobby would
make a lamb out of cotton balls.
Now they're going to stick us
in that dang newsletter.
I don't want to be
in the thoughts
and prayers
of anyone
just because
i'm bobby's dad.
Well, you're the one who
dragged him down to abracapasta
and told him how
all the tricks were done.
You just have to take
all the mystery
out of life,
don't you, hank?
Don't blame me.
You're the one
who got him
all worked up
about magic.
You filled his head
with puffy clouds
and jolly ranchers.
What did you think
was going to happen?
My folks yelled at me
the whole way home.
Then they stopped
yelling at me
and started yelling
at each other.
They're still yelling
at each other.
It's all my fault.
Sometimes
my parents fight
but they have a rule--
never go to sleep angry.
They always make up
before going to their bedrooms.
How do they make up?
They do something
nice for each other
like my mom buys my dad
a carton of cigarettes
and my dad buys my mom
a duffel bag
with his
frequent-smoker points.
Yeah! I'll get my parents
to do something nice
for each other.
That's even better than my plan
of turning them both
against luanne.
Mom! Mom, come in here quick!
I've got soup
in the microwave. What?
Dad must have done it.
Isn't that
nice of him?
Maybe it's
just his way
of saying
he's sorry.
Oh, hank.
Oh, you sweet, sweet,
stubborn, sweet, sweet man.
Apology accepted.
What apology?
I didn't do
anything wrong.
Since dad did
something nice for you
maybe you should tell him
how the trick was done.
Oh, now I get it.
You thought you'd just
slap a few clouds
on bobby's wall
and I would give up
herrera's secret?
Clouds?
Oh, lord, they're back!
Right. Nice try,
but it won't work.
I didn't paint
these clouds!
Don't lie,
to me, hank.
I'm not! And
don't you tell me
what to do,either!
Well, I wouldn't dream of it, you
pig-headed liar!
Joseph, I screwed everything up!
Hey, look
what I can do.
( hank yelling indistinctly )
my plan completely backfired.
Now they're fighting
worse than ever.
Oh, man,
do you think
they're going
to get divorced?
What?!
I don't know. They could.
But don't worry.
Lots of people
get divorced.
Mr. Dauterive
got divorced.
( humming a waltz )
( crying )
the boy's
12 years old.
What does he need clouds
on the wall for?
And they don't even
look like clouds.
They look like...
What, hank?
what do they look like?
Well, like... Like big white
blotches of bad painting.
Well,
maybe to someone
with absolutely
no imagination.
I see all sorts of things.
Well, if you ask me
you've got
too much imagination.
Everything's all
loop-de-loops
and flibbertigibbet.
I live in
the real world
where men
sell propane
and propane
accessories.
What do you do?
I trade in ideas.
I am a substitute teacher
and a professional muser.
Yeah? Well, ideas don't
put food on the table.
Yeah? Well, ideas don't
put food on the table.
oh, really?
Oh, really?
Well, ideas decide
how to prepare that food.
And then propane
cooks it. I win.
You don't win.
You don't... You can't
just... You can't...
I can't just what?
You don't just...
What? What?
Where's your imagination now?
Where are those precious ideas
when you need them, huh?
Hank, you...
You... Oh!
oww!
oww!
( hank and peggy laughing )
what's going on?
You stopped fighting.
That's right.
Everything's just
fine now, honey.
But how?
Well, uh... Your mother
kicked me in the shin
I kicked her back
and, well... Well,
that's pretty much it.
That doesn't make any sense.
Well, sure, it does.
See, I was mad,
your mother was madder
and we sort of... Um...
Aw, heck, I guess
it doesn't make any sense
but I guess
it doesn't have to.
There are just some
things you can't explain.
That's right.
You're not even trying.
Listen up, bobby.
I tell you what--
Why don't you sit with us here
and we'll watch
the clouds go by.
Okay.
Hey, now, see that one
over there looks like a, uh...
Uh... A propane tank.
Or a gummi bear.
Very good...
both of you.
Hank:
hey, that one looks
like a propane tank, too.
And you know what those little
ones over there look like?
Bobby:
propane accessories?
Hank:
yes, yes, but which ones?
Bobby:
uh... Spatula?
Hank:
now you're just guessing. Peggy?
Peggy:
it is a grill brush.
And now... The pinata
of death revealed.
As soon as our volunteer
gets in the burro
a flap beneath the tail opens.
She steps out and puts on
a poncho and sombrero
and dances offstage.
The fire?
( chuckles )
just a diversion.
It appears our volunteer
has vanished. Has she?
Hardly.
And that is the secret
behind the pinata of death.
Please don't tell my dad.
Dale:
you are so clueless.
ha-ha.
it looks
like a... Rabbit.
Peggy:
oh, I guess that's
the tail, huh?
Very good, honey.
What else do you see?
That one looks
like a pig.
No, wait--
maybe it's a ham.
Bobby, in your
imagination
there are no
wrong answers.
Look, mom, a bee.
Well, yeah, I guess
that could be
maybe a puffy
little wing and...
oh.
We even fooled a bee.
Well, that's because
bees are stupid.
Fool an owl... Then we'll talk.
Hank:
guess who sold
three barbecues today.
Dad! In here!
I'm painting my room.
Well, all right, son.
You can finally wear
those overalls
without being embarrassed.
I'll get the funsaver.
Uh, eh, hold on a minute.
This is our son's
first paint job.
Do we really want
to remember it
looking all blotchy?
Those aren't blotches.
They're clouds.
huh?
You painted clouds?
White, puffy clouds.
This is a boy's room,
not a day-care center.
A boy's room
should be blue.
I'm painting it back.
Hank--
Please do not
stifle him.
If my son wants
to stare at clouds, then...
He can look out
the dang window.
He can see all the
clouds he wants.
Not at night.
Mm-hmm. At night, all you
can see out that window
is bill dancing with his mop.
yup.
yup.
yup.
yup.
You don't
even know
what we were
talking about.
All right,
what is it?
Nancy's birthday's
on saturday
and I'm throwing her
a surprise party.
"abracapasta.
Magic, dining and more."
( groans )
yeah. I been spraying
their kitchen
for roaches and silverfish
and, well,
until business picks up
they're paying me
in free magic shows.
You have
to come.
You already
said "yup."
Oh, all right,
i'll go to the show
but I'm not clapping.
I don't like magicians.
Don't trust 'em.
Ever since
david copperfield
made the statue
of liberty disappear.
Shame oh him.
Remember, people, this
is a covert operation.
I have recruited
one john redcorn
to keep nancy
busy all day.
She will not suspect a thing.
Oh, sug, this
place is perfect.
No one will ever
spot us in this dump.
Uh, maybe you
should take
your hands
out of my jeans now.
Sug, what
is the matter?
You're so...
Oh, my god--
it's dale.
Surprise!
( cheering )
happy birthday, baby.
Happy
birthday,
baby.
Nice work,
john redcorn.
She didn't suspect a thing.
You are so clueless.
Ha-ha, ha-ha-ha.
Honey, you never
get older.
Were you
surprised?
Well, it's been
a wonderful party.
hank
Sit down and enjoy
the magic show.
( sighs )
the last thing I need
is some silky man
in his silky scarves
trying to trick me
into having fun.
Announcer:
ladies and
gentlemen.
Abracapasta is proud to present
all the way
from guadalajara, mexico
the astounding...
Herrera!
Oh, lord.
( audience cheering )
( heavy accent ):
good evening,
ladies and gentlemens.
I am... Astounding herrera.
Get ready to be... Astounded.
Did you see that?
He pulled the watch
right out of his pocket.
Oh, hank, will
you be quiet?
That's not part
of the trick.
Where did that
watch come from?
Yes. There are no wires.
The only thing
holding her up... Is magic.
Sure. Who needs wires
when you got a forklift
behind the curtain?
Hank, would
you please?
( audience gasping )
and now
the sawing of woman in halfs.
You see that now?
he just lied to us.
He didn't
really cut her.
No one wants
to hear it, hank.
For my next illusion
I will need a volunteer
from the audience.
A beautiful womans.
Well...
He's not going
to pick you.
He's got a plant
in the audience.
Hank, you are not sitting
in a room full of idiots.
We know he didn't really
saw that woman.
We know birds don't grow
out of his fingers.
We know his accent
is phony
but we don't care.
The fun is pretending
that it's real.
Ah, yes. You.
Huh? Oh.
( giggles )
excuse me.
Thank you.
And what is your name,
my lovely?
Me lammo peggy hill.
Ah! You speak spanish...
In a way.
Then you must know
that most pinatas
is filled
with the candies.
And este burro
is no exception
but the sweetness
I am filling it with
is the sweetness
that is... Peggy hill.
( chuckles )
man:
get in there, peggy.
Woman:
come on, peggy.
( audience gasps )
I will take three swings
at the burro.
If Miss peggy hill is lucky,
I will miss.
Will she get lucky tonight?
( wicked laugh )
one!
( audience gasps )
two.
( audience gasps )
ay, dios mio.
Will astounding herrera
strike out
with Miss peggy hill?
We shall see.
Three.
All right,
that's enough.
Get out
of the donkey, peggy.
We're going home.
But I still have one more chance
to hit on your wife.
( audience laughs )
all right, mister,
I've had enough
of your tomfoolery.
Let her out of there.
As you wish.
( gasps, cheers )
whee!
Where's peggy?
You bring my wife
back right now
or I'm getting
the manager.
( trilling )
i'm right
here, hank.
( audience gasping )
( cheering )
what?
How did you do that?
I cannot break
the magician's code
and neither
can my lovely assistant.
Okay, that's it.
Nancy's birthday party
is over.
He will not
get very far
without his keys,
ladies and gentlemens.
( applause )
you thief, I'll kick your ass.
( coughing )
what the...?
hey.
( lively music plays )
a trap door.
no.
Mirrors in the...
no.
Rotating stage?
Will you stop it?
I promised herrera
I would not tell
and there is nothing
more important to a magician
than keeping secrets--
Probably because so
many of them are gay.
Well, you made a promise
to me, too--
Love, honor and obey--
And I want you to obey me
when I tell you
to tell me
how that trick was done.
( chuckling )
you just can't stand
that I know something
that you don't.
Well, get used
to it, hank
because I will never
tell you how that
trick was done.
Never, ever.
So, uh...
this herrera
is he, uh...?
Yes, of course he is.
Now leave me alone.
Then the pinata exploded
in a shower of candy.
Wow. What kind
of candy?
Jolly ranchers.
Oh, my god.
But... Poof! I was gone.
Where were you?
Back in my seat
taking a long, cool
sip of my corona.
No one knew how
I got there.
Perhaps not even me.
Would you stop
filling his head with nonsense?
Bobby, there is a perfectly
logical explanation
for your mother's
brief disappearance.
I'm listening.
Well, uh...
You see... Uh...
( peggy sighs )
all right,
I will tell you.
It was magic.
I knew it.
Aren't you late
for school?
It's sunday.
What about sunday school?
oop.
"'and I will dwell
in the house
of the lord forever'
growled the bear."
( church bells ringing )
oh... Before we go--
children, children--
I want to know
who everyone's doing
their bible report on next week.
Bobby hill?
I'm going to do my report
on jesus.
Oh, I love jesus.
Jesus is good,
bobby. Very good.
She disappeared
from the pinata
and reappeared
in her chair.
The question is how.
Any theories?
You're asking me
if I have theories?
About the magic
trick, dale.
Oh. Not a clue.
Ah! It's done with twins.
One peggy in the pinata,
one peggy in the audience.
Another woman who
looks like peggy?
Smells like peggy?
feels like...?
My wife does not
have a twin.
You don't know that
for sure and you never will.
They destroyed
the proof
when they blew up
one of the peggys.
( sighs ):
boomhauer?
I didn't see nothing.
Talking about
that cocktail waitress
gave me her phone number
and go back in that place
and ol' ropes and pulleys
all over, man.
Yeah, that could work.
Peggy is hoisted
by a rope
climbs out a heating duct
runs through the parking lot...
Not even close.
Mom already told you
how the trick was done.
Magic.
I knew it!
Bobby, don't you have
some homework to do?
no.
What about
sunday school homework?
oy.
"this beginning of miracles
did jesus in cana of galilee
"and manifested
forth his glory
and his disciples
believed on him."
What do you think?
Well, it seems
a little, um... Boring.
Yeah. Boring.
But I copied it
right out of the bible.
Oh. Well, I didn't
mean boring. Not boring.
I mean, it's...
No, you're right.
It stinks.
Because you're not
being creative with it.
Okay...
When I substitute teach
a history class
I just don't read the declaration of
independence.
I maybe read it
in a funny voice.
You know, um...
( imitating fat albert):
"hey, hey, hey,
we, the people..."
You see what I'm saying?
Hank:
let's go, luanne.
We're late.
Where are you going?
out.
out?
Yes. Out.
To see the astounding
herrera at abracapasta.
Luanne!
Can I come, too?
Bobby, honey, no.
Your father is just
going to tell you
how all the tricks are done
and possibly ruin magic
for you forever.
Now, wouldn't you rather
stay in your room
and do some homework? Huh?
Ready?
I'll get my coat.
She's got her legs
pulled up to her chest.
So those are fake feet
sticking out of the box.
If it's that
obvious to you
imagine how I feel.
For my final illusion
I will need a volunteer
from the audience--
A beautiful womans.
Okay, luanne--
like we practiced.
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Yes, please.
In the back.
Yes, please.
In the back.
Yes, please.
( giggling )
I won't really disappear.
I won't
really disappear.
I won't really disappear.
And now,
I step inside the pinata.
Hank:
no! She's supposed
to go in there!
That's not how
you do the trick.
( applause )
psst. Have you figured
it out yet?
Um... I think
that's my seat.
Peggy! Peggy, come here quick!
I figured it out.
All right,
how is it done?
Get in the box. You'll see.
Why can't you just tell me?
Please.
( imitates accent ):
for my next trick
I need a beautiful womans.
Well, all right.
I have sealed
the box.
Okay, now what?
Now you tell me
how that trick was done.
What?
You're not getting out
till you tell me.
Hank hill!
I can wait.
Mom, dad, we're going
to be late for church.
I'll be right there, honey.
Okay.
( sighs )
all right.
"...but I only saw
one set of footprints
'cause god was holding me."
( applause )
peggy...
I'm sorry. I didn't...
Thou shalt
not speak to me.
Our next report
is from bobby hill:
"the amazing jesus."
Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.
I am the amazing jesus
son of god
and master of prestidigitation!
Thank you!
Has this ever happened to you?
Your followers
want a glass of wine
but all you have is water?
Well, if you're
the amazing jesus, no problem.
Water into wine!
It's a miracle!
John 2:11.
Thank you.
( audience whispering )
now, we're going
to need something
to go with all this wine.
Maybe some bread.
But how are you going
to feed all these hungry people
with just one slice?
No problem
if you're the amazing jesus!
Amen!
It's a miracle,
ladies and gentlemen.
Mark 6:44.
Thank you!
( gasping )
( clapping )
and now, for
my next miracle
i'm going to need
a large wooden cross
and a couple of volunteers.
no!
no!
What you did
was wrong.
You're supposed
to love jesus
not make
a mockery of him.
Next bumper sticker I see,
you will get up here
and you will honk
like the dickens.
I was just trying
to make jesus interesting
like mom told me.
Our lord and savior
does not need any help
keeping people's interest.
I-i... I thought bobby would
make a lamb out of cotton balls.
Now they're going to stick us
in that dang newsletter.
I don't want to be
in the thoughts
and prayers
of anyone
just because
i'm bobby's dad.
Well, you're the one who
dragged him down to abracapasta
and told him how
all the tricks were done.
You just have to take
all the mystery
out of life,
don't you, hank?
Don't blame me.
You're the one
who got him
all worked up
about magic.
You filled his head
with puffy clouds
and jolly ranchers.
What did you think
was going to happen?
My folks yelled at me
the whole way home.
Then they stopped
yelling at me
and started yelling
at each other.
They're still yelling
at each other.
It's all my fault.
Sometimes
my parents fight
but they have a rule--
never go to sleep angry.
They always make up
before going to their bedrooms.
How do they make up?
They do something
nice for each other
like my mom buys my dad
a carton of cigarettes
and my dad buys my mom
a duffel bag
with his
frequent-smoker points.
Yeah! I'll get my parents
to do something nice
for each other.
That's even better than my plan
of turning them both
against luanne.
Mom! Mom, come in here quick!
I've got soup
in the microwave. What?
Dad must have done it.
Isn't that
nice of him?
Maybe it's
just his way
of saying
he's sorry.
Oh, hank.
Oh, you sweet, sweet,
stubborn, sweet, sweet man.
Apology accepted.
What apology?
I didn't do
anything wrong.
Since dad did
something nice for you
maybe you should tell him
how the trick was done.
Oh, now I get it.
You thought you'd just
slap a few clouds
on bobby's wall
and I would give up
herrera's secret?
Clouds?
Oh, lord, they're back!
Right. Nice try,
but it won't work.
I didn't paint
these clouds!
Don't lie,
to me, hank.
I'm not! And
don't you tell me
what to do,either!
Well, I wouldn't dream of it, you
pig-headed liar!
Joseph, I screwed everything up!
Hey, look
what I can do.
( hank yelling indistinctly )
my plan completely backfired.
Now they're fighting
worse than ever.
Oh, man,
do you think
they're going
to get divorced?
What?!
I don't know. They could.
But don't worry.
Lots of people
get divorced.
Mr. Dauterive
got divorced.
( humming a waltz )
( crying )
the boy's
12 years old.
What does he need clouds
on the wall for?
And they don't even
look like clouds.
They look like...
What, hank?
what do they look like?
Well, like... Like big white
blotches of bad painting.
Well,
maybe to someone
with absolutely
no imagination.
I see all sorts of things.
Well, if you ask me
you've got
too much imagination.
Everything's all
loop-de-loops
and flibbertigibbet.
I live in
the real world
where men
sell propane
and propane
accessories.
What do you do?
I trade in ideas.
I am a substitute teacher
and a professional muser.
Yeah? Well, ideas don't
put food on the table.
Yeah? Well, ideas don't
put food on the table.
oh, really?
Oh, really?
Well, ideas decide
how to prepare that food.
And then propane
cooks it. I win.
You don't win.
You don't... You can't
just... You can't...
I can't just what?
You don't just...
What? What?
Where's your imagination now?
Where are those precious ideas
when you need them, huh?
Hank, you...
You... Oh!
oww!
oww!
( hank and peggy laughing )
what's going on?
You stopped fighting.
That's right.
Everything's just
fine now, honey.
But how?
Well, uh... Your mother
kicked me in the shin
I kicked her back
and, well... Well,
that's pretty much it.
That doesn't make any sense.
Well, sure, it does.
See, I was mad,
your mother was madder
and we sort of... Um...
Aw, heck, I guess
it doesn't make any sense
but I guess
it doesn't have to.
There are just some
things you can't explain.
That's right.
You're not even trying.
Listen up, bobby.
I tell you what--
Why don't you sit with us here
and we'll watch
the clouds go by.
Okay.
Hey, now, see that one
over there looks like a, uh...
Uh... A propane tank.
Or a gummi bear.
Very good...
both of you.
Hank:
hey, that one looks
like a propane tank, too.
And you know what those little
ones over there look like?
Bobby:
propane accessories?
Hank:
yes, yes, but which ones?
Bobby:
uh... Spatula?
Hank:
now you're just guessing. Peggy?
Peggy:
it is a grill brush.
And now... The pinata
of death revealed.
As soon as our volunteer
gets in the burro
a flap beneath the tail opens.
She steps out and puts on
a poncho and sombrero
and dances offstage.
The fire?
( chuckles )
just a diversion.
It appears our volunteer
has vanished. Has she?
Hardly.
And that is the secret
behind the pinata of death.
Please don't tell my dad.
Dale:
you are so clueless.
ha-ha.