King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 3, Episode 14 - The Wedding of Bobby Hill - full transcript
Bobby and Luanne get into a petty feud over Luanne's narcissistic new boyfriend. Things get even weirder when Bobby messes with Luanne's birth control pills, and Hank and Peggy organize an elaborate prank to teach him a lesson.
Hank:
so, heh...
Meeting a woman
on the internet.
How do you
like that?
Now, I'll take care
of everything
while you're away.
I even made a tape
of all your plants'
favorite songs.
Oh, bill, peggy
and I were thinking
bobby could take care
of boomhauer's house
while he's gone.
I see.
Bobby's a good kid, but, uh...
You looked at his room lately?
So what do you say?
It'll be good
for the boy
teach him some
responsibility.
Yeah, man, whatever, you know,
like, lot to do, man.
Water them bonsai, feed the koi.
Just think, bill.
This'll free you up for
new challenges. Heh-heh.
Like what?
So if we could
have the keys?
Oops.
Here.
Now, you know I'm not really
here for a free haircut.
I'm here because I like
to check up on what's happening
what's going on, what's now.
I got to tell you, baby doll,
you are very now.
Thank you.
( chuckling ):
you're welcome.
The name is
rad thibodayoks-sss.
Here's my card, you know, so...
you know I'm for real.
"radical concepts."
( laughing ):
that sounds exciting.
Well, only if you think
the fast-paced, celebrity-filled
life of a concert promoter
is exciting.
Oh, and your name is rad.
How clever.
You know, I've noticed that, uh
we've been talking a lot
about rad
and not too much
about Miss sweet luanne.
Ah, me, too.
Well, tell me something.
You got a lover?
You know, I don't even
have a boyfriend.
My last one, buckley,
blew up in a propane explosion.
You know, I can tell you're
a very sensitive young woman
and sensitive people
they do have a hard time
in our society today.
I mean, I should know.
As a self-proclaimed genius
i, myself, rad thibodayoks-sss,
am often misunderstood.
Self-proclaimed genius?
yes.
You poor thing.
Oh... What do
you think?
Damn, that's
a fine job, baby.
That's such a fine job,
you know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to ask you out.
See, you don't know it yet,
but you're going to say yes.
He's right!
I'm trusting you
with boomhauer's keys, bobby.
Now, remember, it doesn't
just unlock the front door
it unlocks a new phase in your
life as a responsible adult.
Why is Mr. Dauterive
looking at us like that?
He's proud of
you, too, bobby.
( phone ringing )
yo, man, dang ol'
leave a message, man.
I'm busy right now.
Just leave name, number, date.
No dang ol'... That soliciting,
nothing like that.
Dale:
boomhauer, pick up.
Boomhauer, pick up.
Pick up, boomhauer.
P... Oh, right, you're away.
( car horn playing tune )
hey, good lookin'.
hey.
Bobby, this is
my new friend rad.
That's what
his license plate says.
Well, you see,
in the industry
a man is only as
good as his word,
so keep it.
You know, nobody's going to know
that you are a man...
Who keeps... His word.
You break it... Oh, god...
Man, I'm telling you,
the freebies
they dry up
like a puddle in the sun.
Whoa.
Rad, what do you mean
by "the industry"?
The entertainment industry.
Whoa!
( chuckling ):
there you go.
( playing jazz )
( scat singing badly )
doo-oh, my!
Dad, I would
like you to meet
a new friend of
mine and luanne's.
Hey, hey there, partner.
Name's rad thibodayoks-sss.
♪ pleased to meet you... ♪
here you go,
businessman to businessman.
Isn't that pronounced
"thibodeaux"?
Well, you know,
sometimes, by mistake.
But no damage done.
Now, luanne has
told me about you
so I know you're going
to love these free cds.
"aol"?
Mm-hmm. And guess what.
You sign up right now,
I get ten free hours.
( chuckling )
hey, mom, dad,
got it goin' on?
I got what doing what?
Bobby, what have you
done to your sleeves?
Well, this is
how rad sleeves himself.
It's industry.
You know, I don't much
care for that rad fella.
Rad thibodayoks is
a self-proclaimed genius.
I'm going to make you
a sandwich, sweet luanne.
What kind you want?
I'd like a...
Um... I don't know.
Whoa-whoa-whoa,
what's wrong, baby doll?
Nothing.
( voice breaking ):
oh, it's just... Well...
I didn't ever
get to go
anywhere this
fancy with buckley.
Well, except his
funeral reception.
Oh, there, there, sweetness.
It's different now.
Rad's here, baby.
Rad's... Here.
Say my name.
rad.
Mmm...
Say, a.j.,
got it goin' on?
Whoops!
Careful, bobby,
you could have wet rad.
Oh, rad's cool with that.
Aren't you, rad?
Uh, rad, I was
speaking to you.
Bobby... Listen,
I know you want my attention
and that's
nothing I can't handle
but at the moment,
I am busy with the lady.
You can see luanne anytime
but I have
school and stuff to do.
I have to take care
of boomhauer's house
while he's away.
Mm-hmm.
How long is, uh... He away for?
♪ pleased to see you... ♪
enjoy the music, y'all,
and the free food.
I'll go put this
on the bed.
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa.
You better not do that now.
Jeremy's in there.
He is busy, if you
know what I mean.
Ha-ha-ha. In the meantime
you know, I am feeling
kind of thirsty
and my beverage is
on the south end of the levee.
You know where boomhauer keeps
his spare stash?
I'll get his number from bobby.
We can call him and ask him.
( both laughing )
listen to you...
Hey, does boomhauer know
about this party?
Uh, does he need to?
yes.
why?
This isn't fair.
I am not a self-
proclaimed genius
so I don't always have
as good an answer as you do.
Wait, wait, I know why.
Because you should
tell people
if you're going to throw
a party in their house
without asking them.
And the rad I fell in love with
ought to know that.
So come on.
Make everyone leave!
Whoa, now, luanne.
You don't want to make me
and Mr. Boomhauser
look like bad hosts, do you?
That's it,
rad thibodayoks-sss!
I am not your
girlfriend anymore!
Wait a minute, now.
I never proclaimed you
to be my girlfriend, baby doll.
( rad chuckling )
welcome, buddy.
Enjoy the music
and the free food.
I will not!
You get out of here!
You, too! And you, too!
This is a smoke-free house!
The only thing hotter
than this tub is you two ladies.
Uh-oh.
Dad, I'm in my underpants.
Yeah, that was
your decision.
You got to live with it.
Look at this place.
12 years old
and drinking a beer?
I didn't even
like it.
Now you're just trying
to get me mad.
Your father and I are replacing
you as boomhauer's house sitter.
We'll be keeping the one dollar
a day for ourselves.
That's right, and I'm taking
away your suitcase of props.
Fine.
I can do my comedy
without props.
So, you ever notice how...
How...?
You can't take away my props!
( sobbing )
because of you,
i'm propless.
Hey, you can't
throw those out.
This cd is all I've
got left of rad.
He didn't give it
to you, bobby.
He gave it to me.
You were never even part
of his inner circle.
You were just
a hanger-on.
Take that back.
Like a.j.
State your purpose.
Mr. Gribble, I'm having
a problem with luanne.
Do you know anything about
getting even with people
who have done something
bad to you?
( loudly ):
uh, no, bobby,
nothing at all.
( chuckles )
( air horn blaring )
( luanne screaming )
( air horn blaring )
oh, bobby!
( grunting )
just gardening.
( chuckling )
ew!
( bobby spitting )
cut it out, bobby.
No one's laughing.
I didn't
do it.
Bobby, we just saw you
spit dirt all over...
Why would I put dirt
in my own fruit pie?
My own fruit pie.
Why you do a lot of things
is a mystery to me.
( muffled chuckle )
( growling )
see you later,
aunt peggy.
( people laughing )
( growling )
if I find out that
this was you
and not a laundry
accident
i'm going to be
really mad.
huh?
Well, how do you like that.
Peggy, peggy,
come in here.
Oh, my.
Well, that's me.
A camera in
the bedroom.
This is kind of fun.
This is hank hill
with the news.
Hank, you are terrible.
You're getting to be
a handful, bobby
and nobody likes
a handful.
aha.
( humming tune )
sweet tarts?
( growling )
oh, if this is wrong,
I don't want to be right.
Couldn't help
hearing the bubbles.
Mind if I join?
Oh, dear lord!
Get the hell
out of here, dale.
No! No!
Oh, no!
Is anything the
matter, luanne?
My birth control pills
have stopped working.
I should have known
when they started
tasting sweet.
Like candy?
( laughing )
this isn't funny,
bobby.
Oh, I disagree.
You don't understand.
Every woman has to take
a birth control pill every day
or else
they get pregnant.
Just take two now.
Hurry!
That would destroy
my insides.
That's how it works.
Take 'em!
( door opening )
there's only one way to teach
dale the meaning of "no."
Mom, dad, I've gotten
luanne pregnant!
Luanne, I thought you
were smarter than this.
I did.
Can you imagine
the consequences
if you had taken one
of those fake pills
and had
unprotected se...
ugh!
I only got the pill
to clear up my complexion
and regulate my...
aw!
Bobby's the one who messed
with my medicine.
You messed with
his fruit pies.
After that,
he had nothing to lose.
I'll go tell him the truth
right away.
No, not so fast.
Bobby has to learn
that what he did
was completely
unacceptable.
Now, as far as he knows,
you are still expecting.
You want me to lie?
Well, deceiving somebody
is never good.
But in order to teach bobby
the meaning of responsibility...
I'll do it!
So, how's it
going there, sport?
Not so good.
Pretty big
screw-up, huh?
I feel bad about it, dad.
Well, heck, we all
make mistakes.
The point is,
you can make up for them.
Really? How?
By doing the right thing,
of course.
You're going to have
to marry luanne.
But I'm only 12 years old.
Well, just think, you could be
married for 80 years.
Dad, you can't make
me marry luanne.
Yes, I can, bobby.
You're only
12 years old.
Please, dad, I don't
want to marry luanne.
Well, it's a little
late for that.
You didn't take care
of boomhauer's
you drank beer, you messed
with luanne's lady pills.
I ask you, is that
responsible behavior?
no.
Well, then, having
to marry luanne
will be a good
lesson for you.
Luanne, I know we've had
our differences
but I was kind of hoping
we could make up
and not get married.
Uncle hank, bobby's trying
to get out of marrying me!
Hank:
bobby, you cut that out.
Bill:
you barely touched
that sundae, bobby.
I'm not really hungry.
Come on, what kind of
bachelor party is this?
Better live it up
while you can
before the wife is
after you to watch
the waistline.
( laughing )
yep. This is the last
free night of your life.
To Mr. And Mrs. Bobby hill.
May their marriage be every bit
as wonderful as mine is.
And as mine was.
oh!
Bobby, I've got to do
my homework.
Homework.
( dejected laugh )
you go on and do your homework.
Just let me watch you
for a little while.
ew.
Oh, my little man,
I brought this for you.
Mom, mom, I don't want
to do this.
Well, of course you don't.
( piano playing
"the wedding march" )
come, my child.
( playing
"here comes the bride" )
minh! Minh!
it's finally happening!
Bobby hillbilly is marrying
hillbilly cousin!
You owe me five dollars!
In your face!
Bobby, do you take luanne to be
your lawful wedded wife?
To have and to hold,
to love and to cherish
till death do you part?
( gasping )
that sounds like
a "yes" to me.
All right.
Luanne, do you take bobby to be
your lawful wedded husband?
I do.
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
Oh, bobby!
Oh, no.
I-i-I think I need to lie down.
( playing "that's amore" )
( gasping )
oh, can I tell him now?
Can I tell him how
we fooled him?
Oh, luanne, I am really,
really sorry about this, honey
but I have
some bad news.
It turns out
that bill
is actually
a licensed minister.
You mean... I'm really married
to bobby?
Legally, yes.
Then I'll just get
a divorce.
That's what I'll do.
I'll say he hit me.
I guess you could
do that
but the law is,
you have to wait a year.
That's to give you time
to patch things up.
no!
( chuckling )
please, luanne
I don't think
i'm ready for this yet.
Look, we're going
to have to deal with
this being married thing
so the sooner we make
the rules, the better.
I get to date as much
as I want with whoever I want.
You can see connie if you want
to, but just not in public.
No, I changed my mind.
You can't see
connie ever.
Look at the happy
newlyweds.
( chuckling )
how come they get
to be married
when I never do?
Why do they get
to be so happy?
It's not fair.
it's not...
It's a fake!
It's all a fake!
I'm not a minister!
Dale used
a self-playing piano!
It's all a great...
It's a great big fake,
is what it is!
That sure was some
good parenting.
I don't think the experts
would disagree.
( knocking )
mr. Dauterive says
bobby and I aren't
really married!
I'm still keeping those
place mats he gave us.
Place mats?
that's it?
Well, he's one
of your best friends.
You want some milk
with that?
I do.
( both laughing )
i'm glad we're not married
anymore.
But you know what?
I could do a whole lot worse.
I'm sorry for
the pranks, luanne.
And you probably
shouldn't open
your laundry hamper
very quickly
unless you like snakes.
Thank you.
Oh, you might not want
to ride downhill
on your bike.
Something might be
wrong with the brake cable.
Bobby:
oh, don't use your mouthwash
around an open flame,
all right?
Luanne:
I'll try not to.
Oh, um, you might want to stop
drinking that milk.
( bobby choking )
bobby:
I don't think
I'm ready for this yet.
so, heh...
Meeting a woman
on the internet.
How do you
like that?
Now, I'll take care
of everything
while you're away.
I even made a tape
of all your plants'
favorite songs.
Oh, bill, peggy
and I were thinking
bobby could take care
of boomhauer's house
while he's gone.
I see.
Bobby's a good kid, but, uh...
You looked at his room lately?
So what do you say?
It'll be good
for the boy
teach him some
responsibility.
Yeah, man, whatever, you know,
like, lot to do, man.
Water them bonsai, feed the koi.
Just think, bill.
This'll free you up for
new challenges. Heh-heh.
Like what?
So if we could
have the keys?
Oops.
Here.
Now, you know I'm not really
here for a free haircut.
I'm here because I like
to check up on what's happening
what's going on, what's now.
I got to tell you, baby doll,
you are very now.
Thank you.
( chuckling ):
you're welcome.
The name is
rad thibodayoks-sss.
Here's my card, you know, so...
you know I'm for real.
"radical concepts."
( laughing ):
that sounds exciting.
Well, only if you think
the fast-paced, celebrity-filled
life of a concert promoter
is exciting.
Oh, and your name is rad.
How clever.
You know, I've noticed that, uh
we've been talking a lot
about rad
and not too much
about Miss sweet luanne.
Ah, me, too.
Well, tell me something.
You got a lover?
You know, I don't even
have a boyfriend.
My last one, buckley,
blew up in a propane explosion.
You know, I can tell you're
a very sensitive young woman
and sensitive people
they do have a hard time
in our society today.
I mean, I should know.
As a self-proclaimed genius
i, myself, rad thibodayoks-sss,
am often misunderstood.
Self-proclaimed genius?
yes.
You poor thing.
Oh... What do
you think?
Damn, that's
a fine job, baby.
That's such a fine job,
you know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to ask you out.
See, you don't know it yet,
but you're going to say yes.
He's right!
I'm trusting you
with boomhauer's keys, bobby.
Now, remember, it doesn't
just unlock the front door
it unlocks a new phase in your
life as a responsible adult.
Why is Mr. Dauterive
looking at us like that?
He's proud of
you, too, bobby.
( phone ringing )
yo, man, dang ol'
leave a message, man.
I'm busy right now.
Just leave name, number, date.
No dang ol'... That soliciting,
nothing like that.
Dale:
boomhauer, pick up.
Boomhauer, pick up.
Pick up, boomhauer.
P... Oh, right, you're away.
( car horn playing tune )
hey, good lookin'.
hey.
Bobby, this is
my new friend rad.
That's what
his license plate says.
Well, you see,
in the industry
a man is only as
good as his word,
so keep it.
You know, nobody's going to know
that you are a man...
Who keeps... His word.
You break it... Oh, god...
Man, I'm telling you,
the freebies
they dry up
like a puddle in the sun.
Whoa.
Rad, what do you mean
by "the industry"?
The entertainment industry.
Whoa!
( chuckling ):
there you go.
( playing jazz )
( scat singing badly )
doo-oh, my!
Dad, I would
like you to meet
a new friend of
mine and luanne's.
Hey, hey there, partner.
Name's rad thibodayoks-sss.
♪ pleased to meet you... ♪
here you go,
businessman to businessman.
Isn't that pronounced
"thibodeaux"?
Well, you know,
sometimes, by mistake.
But no damage done.
Now, luanne has
told me about you
so I know you're going
to love these free cds.
"aol"?
Mm-hmm. And guess what.
You sign up right now,
I get ten free hours.
( chuckling )
hey, mom, dad,
got it goin' on?
I got what doing what?
Bobby, what have you
done to your sleeves?
Well, this is
how rad sleeves himself.
It's industry.
You know, I don't much
care for that rad fella.
Rad thibodayoks is
a self-proclaimed genius.
I'm going to make you
a sandwich, sweet luanne.
What kind you want?
I'd like a...
Um... I don't know.
Whoa-whoa-whoa,
what's wrong, baby doll?
Nothing.
( voice breaking ):
oh, it's just... Well...
I didn't ever
get to go
anywhere this
fancy with buckley.
Well, except his
funeral reception.
Oh, there, there, sweetness.
It's different now.
Rad's here, baby.
Rad's... Here.
Say my name.
rad.
Mmm...
Say, a.j.,
got it goin' on?
Whoops!
Careful, bobby,
you could have wet rad.
Oh, rad's cool with that.
Aren't you, rad?
Uh, rad, I was
speaking to you.
Bobby... Listen,
I know you want my attention
and that's
nothing I can't handle
but at the moment,
I am busy with the lady.
You can see luanne anytime
but I have
school and stuff to do.
I have to take care
of boomhauer's house
while he's away.
Mm-hmm.
How long is, uh... He away for?
♪ pleased to see you... ♪
enjoy the music, y'all,
and the free food.
I'll go put this
on the bed.
Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa.
You better not do that now.
Jeremy's in there.
He is busy, if you
know what I mean.
Ha-ha-ha. In the meantime
you know, I am feeling
kind of thirsty
and my beverage is
on the south end of the levee.
You know where boomhauer keeps
his spare stash?
I'll get his number from bobby.
We can call him and ask him.
( both laughing )
listen to you...
Hey, does boomhauer know
about this party?
Uh, does he need to?
yes.
why?
This isn't fair.
I am not a self-
proclaimed genius
so I don't always have
as good an answer as you do.
Wait, wait, I know why.
Because you should
tell people
if you're going to throw
a party in their house
without asking them.
And the rad I fell in love with
ought to know that.
So come on.
Make everyone leave!
Whoa, now, luanne.
You don't want to make me
and Mr. Boomhauser
look like bad hosts, do you?
That's it,
rad thibodayoks-sss!
I am not your
girlfriend anymore!
Wait a minute, now.
I never proclaimed you
to be my girlfriend, baby doll.
( rad chuckling )
welcome, buddy.
Enjoy the music
and the free food.
I will not!
You get out of here!
You, too! And you, too!
This is a smoke-free house!
The only thing hotter
than this tub is you two ladies.
Uh-oh.
Dad, I'm in my underpants.
Yeah, that was
your decision.
You got to live with it.
Look at this place.
12 years old
and drinking a beer?
I didn't even
like it.
Now you're just trying
to get me mad.
Your father and I are replacing
you as boomhauer's house sitter.
We'll be keeping the one dollar
a day for ourselves.
That's right, and I'm taking
away your suitcase of props.
Fine.
I can do my comedy
without props.
So, you ever notice how...
How...?
You can't take away my props!
( sobbing )
because of you,
i'm propless.
Hey, you can't
throw those out.
This cd is all I've
got left of rad.
He didn't give it
to you, bobby.
He gave it to me.
You were never even part
of his inner circle.
You were just
a hanger-on.
Take that back.
Like a.j.
State your purpose.
Mr. Gribble, I'm having
a problem with luanne.
Do you know anything about
getting even with people
who have done something
bad to you?
( loudly ):
uh, no, bobby,
nothing at all.
( chuckles )
( air horn blaring )
( luanne screaming )
( air horn blaring )
oh, bobby!
( grunting )
just gardening.
( chuckling )
ew!
( bobby spitting )
cut it out, bobby.
No one's laughing.
I didn't
do it.
Bobby, we just saw you
spit dirt all over...
Why would I put dirt
in my own fruit pie?
My own fruit pie.
Why you do a lot of things
is a mystery to me.
( muffled chuckle )
( growling )
see you later,
aunt peggy.
( people laughing )
( growling )
if I find out that
this was you
and not a laundry
accident
i'm going to be
really mad.
huh?
Well, how do you like that.
Peggy, peggy,
come in here.
Oh, my.
Well, that's me.
A camera in
the bedroom.
This is kind of fun.
This is hank hill
with the news.
Hank, you are terrible.
You're getting to be
a handful, bobby
and nobody likes
a handful.
aha.
( humming tune )
sweet tarts?
( growling )
oh, if this is wrong,
I don't want to be right.
Couldn't help
hearing the bubbles.
Mind if I join?
Oh, dear lord!
Get the hell
out of here, dale.
No! No!
Oh, no!
Is anything the
matter, luanne?
My birth control pills
have stopped working.
I should have known
when they started
tasting sweet.
Like candy?
( laughing )
this isn't funny,
bobby.
Oh, I disagree.
You don't understand.
Every woman has to take
a birth control pill every day
or else
they get pregnant.
Just take two now.
Hurry!
That would destroy
my insides.
That's how it works.
Take 'em!
( door opening )
there's only one way to teach
dale the meaning of "no."
Mom, dad, I've gotten
luanne pregnant!
Luanne, I thought you
were smarter than this.
I did.
Can you imagine
the consequences
if you had taken one
of those fake pills
and had
unprotected se...
ugh!
I only got the pill
to clear up my complexion
and regulate my...
aw!
Bobby's the one who messed
with my medicine.
You messed with
his fruit pies.
After that,
he had nothing to lose.
I'll go tell him the truth
right away.
No, not so fast.
Bobby has to learn
that what he did
was completely
unacceptable.
Now, as far as he knows,
you are still expecting.
You want me to lie?
Well, deceiving somebody
is never good.
But in order to teach bobby
the meaning of responsibility...
I'll do it!
So, how's it
going there, sport?
Not so good.
Pretty big
screw-up, huh?
I feel bad about it, dad.
Well, heck, we all
make mistakes.
The point is,
you can make up for them.
Really? How?
By doing the right thing,
of course.
You're going to have
to marry luanne.
But I'm only 12 years old.
Well, just think, you could be
married for 80 years.
Dad, you can't make
me marry luanne.
Yes, I can, bobby.
You're only
12 years old.
Please, dad, I don't
want to marry luanne.
Well, it's a little
late for that.
You didn't take care
of boomhauer's
you drank beer, you messed
with luanne's lady pills.
I ask you, is that
responsible behavior?
no.
Well, then, having
to marry luanne
will be a good
lesson for you.
Luanne, I know we've had
our differences
but I was kind of hoping
we could make up
and not get married.
Uncle hank, bobby's trying
to get out of marrying me!
Hank:
bobby, you cut that out.
Bill:
you barely touched
that sundae, bobby.
I'm not really hungry.
Come on, what kind of
bachelor party is this?
Better live it up
while you can
before the wife is
after you to watch
the waistline.
( laughing )
yep. This is the last
free night of your life.
To Mr. And Mrs. Bobby hill.
May their marriage be every bit
as wonderful as mine is.
And as mine was.
oh!
Bobby, I've got to do
my homework.
Homework.
( dejected laugh )
you go on and do your homework.
Just let me watch you
for a little while.
ew.
Oh, my little man,
I brought this for you.
Mom, mom, I don't want
to do this.
Well, of course you don't.
( piano playing
"the wedding march" )
come, my child.
( playing
"here comes the bride" )
minh! Minh!
it's finally happening!
Bobby hillbilly is marrying
hillbilly cousin!
You owe me five dollars!
In your face!
Bobby, do you take luanne to be
your lawful wedded wife?
To have and to hold,
to love and to cherish
till death do you part?
( gasping )
that sounds like
a "yes" to me.
All right.
Luanne, do you take bobby to be
your lawful wedded husband?
I do.
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
Oh, bobby!
Oh, no.
I-i-I think I need to lie down.
( playing "that's amore" )
( gasping )
oh, can I tell him now?
Can I tell him how
we fooled him?
Oh, luanne, I am really,
really sorry about this, honey
but I have
some bad news.
It turns out
that bill
is actually
a licensed minister.
You mean... I'm really married
to bobby?
Legally, yes.
Then I'll just get
a divorce.
That's what I'll do.
I'll say he hit me.
I guess you could
do that
but the law is,
you have to wait a year.
That's to give you time
to patch things up.
no!
( chuckling )
please, luanne
I don't think
i'm ready for this yet.
Look, we're going
to have to deal with
this being married thing
so the sooner we make
the rules, the better.
I get to date as much
as I want with whoever I want.
You can see connie if you want
to, but just not in public.
No, I changed my mind.
You can't see
connie ever.
Look at the happy
newlyweds.
( chuckling )
how come they get
to be married
when I never do?
Why do they get
to be so happy?
It's not fair.
it's not...
It's a fake!
It's all a fake!
I'm not a minister!
Dale used
a self-playing piano!
It's all a great...
It's a great big fake,
is what it is!
That sure was some
good parenting.
I don't think the experts
would disagree.
( knocking )
mr. Dauterive says
bobby and I aren't
really married!
I'm still keeping those
place mats he gave us.
Place mats?
that's it?
Well, he's one
of your best friends.
You want some milk
with that?
I do.
( both laughing )
i'm glad we're not married
anymore.
But you know what?
I could do a whole lot worse.
I'm sorry for
the pranks, luanne.
And you probably
shouldn't open
your laundry hamper
very quickly
unless you like snakes.
Thank you.
Oh, you might not want
to ride downhill
on your bike.
Something might be
wrong with the brake cable.
Bobby:
oh, don't use your mouthwash
around an open flame,
all right?
Luanne:
I'll try not to.
Oh, um, you might want to stop
drinking that milk.
( bobby choking )
bobby:
I don't think
I'm ready for this yet.