King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 10, Episode 8 - Business Is Picking Up - full transcript

I came up with the best

episode of West Wing

in my dream last night.

There was a new janitor,

and he was dusting
near "the button."

Sounds exciting.

You know what else
is exciting?

It's the Eighth Grade
Job Shadow Week.

Ready to spend a week

working in the real world, son?

Yep, I've even practiced



my office small talk.

( groaning ):
Oh!

I know it's only Tuesday,

but it feels like Friday.

( laughs )

Eh, Joe Jack'll love that one.

Now, remember, sign up

is in the gymnasium at lunch,

so just come register
at my booth,

and we'll head straight
over to Strickland.

Uh, yeah, about that.

I was thinking,

I've heard you talk about
propane for 13 years,

so maybe I should try



something... fun.

Or new?

This isn't about doing
something new, Bobby.

It's about
taking advantage

of the great head start
you've already got.

You do a good job at
Strickland this week,

you'll have almost your
whole life figured out

by age 14.

Uh... okay.

Hank, Bobby is
a young man.

Don't you think he
should be learning

to make his
own decisions?

Hank, did you hear what I asked?

I asked if you thought
that Bobby...

Of course he should.

I'm not forcing the boy.

I know he'll find his own way.

Just remember, I'll be under

the north end basketball net.

You know my cell number, right?

Uh-huh.

Anyway, about my dream.

Now, should I
send it to them,

or should I
shoot it first?

This is so exciting.

I just hope there
isn't a big rush

for the medical
textbook proofreader.

I got dibs
on the insurance rep!

My future starts today.

You guys are so lucky.

My dad's leaning on me

to spend the week
at Strickland,

and the first day

is just going to be
a safety lecture

about open flames
and runaway trucks.

Huh?

( door opens )

( kids shouting, chattering )

Hey!

Ooh!

BOBBY:
I like pecans.

Oh, that could be fun.

They've got everything!

Bobby!

HANK:
Bobby!

Over here!

Quickly, B-Bobby! Now!

Hey, Mr. Hill.

I want to do propane.

( sighs )

Uh-huh. Well, uh,

thanks for
your interest, Joseph,

but there's really just
one opening with us,

and I'm saving it
for Bobby.

Oh, okay.

Hold on there, son.

Hank, you can't do that.

This program's on a first-come,
first-serve basis.

But Principal Moss,
I'm saving this spot for Bobby,

and I don't want him

shadowing me.

I'm sorry, Hank.

I don't know exactly
what ethnicity that boy is,

but he's something.

My hands are tied here.

( sighs )

Welcome
to Strickland Propane.

Oh, sweet!

Okay, pick something, quick.

Well, Dad, let's make it legal.

You're a little late, son.

Joseph's already
taken your spot.

Sorry, dude.

What am I supposed to do?

Everything else
is already taken.

It's all right, Bobby.

You see that booth over there?

No one's signed up with him yet.

Earth Cleaners.

Never heard of it.

Very successful
local business.

Better hurry.

Do you think I could
get a ninth grader,

if she was ugly?

Hi, I'm Bobby Hill.

Well, all right.

I'm Peter Sterling,
founder and president

of this little
situation here.

So what do we got?

Some sweet sign-up action?

Yep, I'm supposed to be
your shadow this week.

Well, all right.

We're going to have some
delightful times, mi amigo.

Really?

Oh, you better believe it.

We're gonna tear it up
old school.

Earth Cleaners must be
about the environment, right?

( gasps )
Do we wash monkeys?

Can I take one home?

( chuckles )
Nothing like that, Bobby.

At Earth Cleaners,
we only do one thing,

but we do it so sweet.

We pick up poo.

We pick up poo?

Oh, we pick up mountains of it.

Whose poo are we picking up?

90% dogs, 10% other.

Mr. Sterling,
I have to make a phone call.

Absolutely, mi amigo.

Just meet me
around back in five

and we'll rock and roll.

HANK:
From the switchback
ignition system

to the heavy-duty,

welded, stainless steel,

the Char King Imperiale

is the Vogner Company's
love letter to America.

She's pretty hot.

Did you guys
ever do anything?

( sighs )

I've been looking all
over for you, honey.

It's a message
from your son.

"Dad, you've got
to let me shadow you.

"Do whatever it takes.

I want to be
at Strickland Propane."

Dang it, I've got to get Buck
to open another position here.

( valve squeaking )

You know, if you twist

that valve far enough,

you'll kill us all.

Why don't you
just stand outside?

( engine revving )

Whoa!

Hop on the sled, partner.

Thanks for letting my boy
shadow you, Hank.

Sooner or later,

Nancy's earning power
is going to crap out,

and he's going
to have to pick up the slack.

Uh-huh.

You know what's great

is that Bobby's going to be
at Strickland, too.

I got a message from him

saying how much
he wants to be there.

That's beautiful, Hank.

Father and son
working side by side.

Beautiful.

With the early start
Bobby's getting,

there's no telling
where he'll end up.

Maybe Strickland North.

Wow!

I told you guys we didn't
have to leave the alley

to see interesting things.

Hey, Dad.

Uh, Bobby, why don't you

give this nice man
his costume back,

and we'll hit the grill.

I'll show you
what you missed.

No, Dad, I decided

I'm sticking with
Earth Cleaners.

It's the best job ever!

But the message...

I thought...

What does
Earth Cleaners do, anyway?

Why don't we show
him, partner?

Yeah!

( suctioning )

You, uh...

you pick up poop?

That's right!

"Earth Cleaners:

"We pick up
where your dog leaves off."

Whoa, Bobby.

Looks like you
got triplets there.

( suctioning
three times )

( Hank sighs )

My boy is gonna
spend an entire week

picking up dog poop
for school credit.

I hate to say this,

but it seems like the
system's not working.

( scoffs )
Education today

is so complicated.

As a parent,
I'd like to change things.

Though, as an educator,

I'd like people to mind
their own damn business.

Well, I can't control education,

but I can control my son.

I'm pulling Bobby
out of this thing.

If you do that,
he'll resist you all the way.

The only way for us to win here

is to be supportive.

HANK:
Well, it feels like

this is one of those things

where if we support it now,

we'll just wind up
having to accept it later.

Bobby has to learn
to make choices now.

Do you want to spend
the rest of your life

making his choices for him?

Well, why not?

I do it for Bill.

I never thought working
outdoors could be fun.

Now I don't know how
I could do anything else.

Oh, it's sweet, Bobby.

But that's only one
of the great things

about this gig.

I don't have a boss,

I make my own hours,
there's no stress,

and the business is rock steady.

You know how they say
that death and taxes

are the only things
you can count on in life?

Well, look what they forgot.

Aww, yeah!

HANK:
So if you provide
excellent customer service,

you don't have
to apologize

for charging a
little bit more

than the competition.

So what do you think
of that, Joseph?

Cool.

Uh, well, it's a little bit

more than just "cool."

It's the guiding principle

of our whole...

( slurping )

Uh, Joseph,
I don't know if you realize it,

but you just drank
from my soda can.

I only took a sip, dude.

Oh, God.

Yep.

Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Speaking of Joseph,

how's he doing
at Strickland, Hank?

Uh... he's doing fine, I guess.

Yes!

I knew he'd make it,

if he'd just aimed low enough.

Be honest with me, fellas.

Would it bother you
if your son was,

you know,
doing what mine's doing?

Uh...

I don't see any problem...

problem there.

Hey, man, nothin' wrong

with them, dang ol'
honest work, man.

Probably wouldn't bother me.

KAHN:
Hey, guys,

I got a new one!

What has red neck
but brown hands?

Bobby Hill!

( laughing )

Brown...

You know what the key to success
in business is, Bobby?

Of course.

My dad's been saying
it my whole life:

You find something
that people want,

and you give it to them.

Well, your dad's obviously
a very smart dude--

very old school, very classy.

But here's the problem:

( suctioning )

The whole
"stuff people want" market,

well, it's, uh, all
pretty much locked up.

There's nothing new
to give people.

( suctioning )

So my key to business success
is this:

You find the thing
that no one else wants to do,

and you do it.

That's brilliant.

It's working
pretty sweet for me.

Think about it.

Any idiot can pick up
a piece of poo.

But, nine times out of ten,
he doesn't.

Well, I'm no idiot.

( suctioning )

( laughs )

Well, all right!

I just wish my dad

understood the business more.

I don't think he gets
why it's so great.

Oh, we can fix that,
mi amigo.

He just needs
his own little taste

of the Peter Sterling lifestyle.

( softly ):
Do we really
have to do this?

Yes.

( sighs )

Well, this
is his street.

Number 237!

Peter Sterling
lives here?

( doorbell rings )

Well, all right.

Welcome, Hills.

BOBBY:
Oh, my God.

Look at this place.

( gasps )
Good Lord.

Liking the casa, eh?

Hi!

That's my lovely
lady, Sarah.

Uh, Peter, do you have

another business
or something?

I, I hate to pry,

but you couldn't have
paid for all this

by just, uh, you know.

Oh, but I did.

But I don't...

I mean, how?

Hank, my clientele
is made up

of practically
every rich person

in the Heimlich
County area.

I've got almost
no overhead expenses

and no competition.

Dude, life is so sweet.

Come on, folks.

Let's grab some grub.

STERLING:
Hank, Peggy,

I just want to
thank you both

for lending me
Bobby for the week.

Whatever he ends up doing,

Bobby's going to be
one successful dude.

( glasses clink )

Hey.

Did Bobby tell you
about our wild afternoon?

No, but we
support Bobby,

so we'd love to hear.

Oh, it was crazy.

We're scooping over
at the Strawbridge Estate,

but we're coming across

some pretty weird-looking stuff.

It was like nothing
I'd ever seen.

It was gigantic.

Too big even
for the scoop.

And it was really leafy.

Peter tried picking it up...

...but it just
crumbled in my hands.

BOBBY:
So we're thinking,

what the heck's
going on?

They only have one Irish Setter.

You want to tell
them what happened?

Well, it turned out
the neighbor's fence is broken,

and their farm of 28 alpacas

had gotten loose.

They dropped product

on every inch
of the Strawbridges' property.

STERLING:
Yep, it was rough,

but we made
a mint on it,

'cause we just started
charging them by the pound.

Yeah, dawg.

I've never really been
a dinner person.

I'm just going to sit in
the car for a few hours.

( gags )

Well, did the third shower help?

No, it did not.

I can wash, but I cannot
wash away the memories.

Well, thank God
the week's over tomorrow,

and everything
will be back to normal.

( sighs )

"Product" used to be
one of my favorite words.

And if you shut the lid,

you can get the indirect heat

up to 550 degrees
in three minutes.

JOSEPH:
Uh, yeah, yeah,

and if you're cooking burgers
or stuff,

don't drop your cat in there,

'cause it could, like, explode.

Oh!

Joseph, don't talk like that.

Oh, sorry, dude.

Look, this is
your last day,

so why don't
you just relax.

Just stand over there

while Mrs. Ellis
and I finish up.

( lighter flicks )

( inhaling )

Joseph, you've got
to be more careful.

There's a lot at stake here.

Dad?!

Yes, it is I,

Dale, your father.

What are you doing?

I'm shadowing you

to make sure that you're
properly shadowing Hank,

which you are not.

Now, pay attention to him.

Our financial
future is at stake.

Notice the way he gestures
gracefully with his hands.

Look at his firm handshake

and direct eye contact.

He appears confident,

but not at all like he
wants to have sex with her.

I'm trying, Dad.

I don't want to put
any pressure on you, Joseph,

but your parents' marriage
depends on this.

Well, I'm just glad
this job shadow thing is over.

It's high time
everyone's kids went back

to where they belong.

Hey, Dad.

Welcome home, son.

Did you enjoy
your last day at work?

Dad, it's not my last day.

I'm taking Peter's
business model,

and I'm starting my own company.

What are you talking about?

( phone ringing )

Hello?

What?

What do you mean
"a vomit situation"?

Who is this?

Oh, that's for me.

Bobby Hill speaking.

Yep, we do that.

Please cordon off the area
and don't panic.

I'll be right there.

Got to run.

It's like Peter
always says,

customer service
starts on time.

No, Bobby,
you can't make a living...

Sure I can!

There's bounce houses,
daycare centers,

and let's not forget bars.

Dad, you were right.

I've got almost my
whole life figured out

before I'm 14.

Now, hold on a minute...

( phone rings )

Hill here.

You bet I know
where that is.

The Delta Sigma Tau house!

I've got it made!

Dad, do you think
this jumpsuit

is splatter-proof?

BOBBY:
I don't get it.

You said you wanted me

to get an early start
on my future.

This job has
a future.

Bobby, did you wash your hands
before dinner?

Well, there's more
to a career

than money, son.

There's the
matter of respect.

Bobby, did you wear
that jumpsuit to work today?

First you want me
to have a future,

now it's respect.

I can't hit
a moving target, Dad.

My God, Bobby, your shoes.

Did you take your work shoes
off!?

BOBBY:
Other than
the fact

that it's not the great
almighty propane,

show me just one
downside to my career.

So, I just don't want my son
going any further

in this, uh, line of work.

Do you have a problem
with what I do, Hank?

Not at all.

You provide a useful service,
and you do a quality job.

Well, then, amigo,
I guess I'm a little confused.

Look, Peter, you're a tall,
handsome, well-put together guy.

And forgive me
for saying this,

but you're very... enchanting.

I'm guessing
you never had trouble

getting dates,
and you probably never had

a cruel nickname stick to you.

Everyone likes you.

My son likes you.

So, a guy like you can pull off
a career like this.

Now, Bobby, well,
he's a great kid,

but he's different than you.

Well, maybe you got a point,
but Bobby's on his own now.

What can I do
for the little dude?

Well, you could tell him

that the job isn't really
so great.

I can't lie to the little guy.

( sighs )

Well, I'll just have
to force him to quit then,

and deal
with my own son hating me,

probably for quite a while.

Well, all right.

Well... all right.

Let me get this straight.

If I hurl, I just call you,
and you'll come get rid of it?

MAN:
Dude,

that's the best thing
I ever heard of.

Now I can party
and, like, not
hold back at all.

Gentlemen,

that's what I'm selling--
freedom.

I don't want to touch
something you touched.

Could you put the card
in my pocket for me?

Make the pledge do it.

No way, man!

I don't know what he's touched.

Okay, then eat
my deodorant!

HANK:
Bobby,

I'm sorry,
but this ends right now.

Hey, Bobby.

Just came by

to wish you much luck
with your new gig.

Thanks, Peter.

( sighs )

Got dang it, Peter,
I thought I made it...

Hey, it's the poo man!

And he's picking poo!

Oh, no.

Jimmy Wichard?!

What's going on?

He's one of the Mashers!

The Mashers?

Oh, I'm afraid so.

They're just one group of many
who take pleasure

in hurting guys
who do what I do.

BOBBY:
But I thought

you were the only one
who does this.

I am, which is why
I get the crap beaten out of me

on a fairly regular basis.

You do?

It goes with
the territory.

You should know, Bobby,
it's not an easy life.

Do I do it now?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Okay, we got to do it now.

Let's get the poo man!

PETER:
Bobby,

call Sarah and tell her
it's happened again.

( Jimmy grunting )

Have mercy!

( grunting )

( grunts )

Oh, my God! Dad!

Well, I'll be
got danged.

Get back in, you!

Stop!

Oh, dear God!

Aah! Ooh!

So, how was your
visit with Peter?

He's okay.

Just a couple of broken bones
and some scrapes.

He'll be out
in a few days.

Well, I'll say this
about Peter Sterling.

He's a pretty darn decent man.

I can't believe
people treat him that way

just because of what he does.

Yep, it's kind
of unfair,

but that's
how it is

with most ways
of making big,
easy money.

It either gets
you jail time or
your ass kicked.

I'm, uh, sorry you had
to shut down your business.

It's all right.

My week with Peter gave me
an even better business idea.

It did?

Yep.
Custom-fitted,

monogrammed jumpsuits.

You can wear them
for almost anything,

and they look really cool.

Wouldn't you want one?

Huh.

I actually kind of would.

So, uh, you still
want to get that?

Nah, not interested.

It's all yours.

( suctioning
three times )