King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 10, Episode 7 - You Gotta Believe (In Moderation) - full transcript
Hank's league champion softball team challenges an undefeated comedic barnstorming team.
ANNOUNCER:
It looks like it's down
to the final strike of the final
out of the final inning.
Is this where the Zephyrs'
perfect season ends?
Wait for your
pitch, Donna.
Where's your
rally cap, Dale?
How's the rally god
supposed to know
who to give mojo to?
If we rally,
I'll have to bat,
and I'll be
the last out
that ruins our
undefeated season.
Easy out!
She's distracted by
her recent divorce.
Dang it, Dale.
Shut up and put your glove
on your got-dang head.
Ow!
Got a walk.
Walk's good, y' hear?
You're a saint, Donna.
Okay, Dale,
bases loaded.
A hit wins it.
But, but I haven't
had a hit all season.
Your season
starts now, Dale.
Take what you've learned
from all those strikeouts
and put it to use.
All you have to do is...
"Believe to achieve."
Now, get up there
and do what my shirt says.
( feeble grunt )
Run, Dale, run!
Geh!
( cheering )
ANNOUNCER:
Holy-moly, cannoli!
Zephyrs win! Zephyrs win!
Yeah, I spanked
that ball so hard,
I probably
should've apologized
and bought it
a box of chocolates.
See, Dale?
You believed, and
then you achieved.
I guess I believed a
little, but I don't know.
I think there was
something more
to it than that.
Well, maybe
you gave 110%,
because Hank says
that works, too.
No, I only gave 70%.
I was feeling
kind of sick
after I accidentally
swallowed my
chewing tobacco.
Maybe you stumbled
onto a lucky ritual.
I mean, all the
greats had one.
Joe DiMaggio would keep
a penny in his shoe.
Ty Cobb would
beat his valet.
( Hank clearing throat )
Attention, Zephyrs.
When the season started, no one
gave this team much of a chance
and things looked pretty bleak
when we lost Joe Jack
because of...
Well, we all know what
happened at the Taco Bueno.
But we never lost a step.
Bob Jenkins joined the team,
and to watch him
in the outfield,
you would've thought
there was radar
under that eye patch.
( applause )
And through it all,
none of us stopped believing,
and that's why we're the first
undefeated softball team
in Arlen Rec League history.
( cheering )
Yeah.
Real stirring, Hank.
Listen, how'd you
like to give
a motivation talk
at school tomorrow?
Really?
I'd be honored.
Thanks. The magician
had to cancel.
Who would've thought a
dove could do all that
to a man's face?
And so whether you
eventually choose a career
in customer service
or the military,
try to do it the
Zephyr way-- perfect.
Now, if I could have
all the members
of the baseball
team please stand,
I'd like to tell you a little
story about never giving up.
( whispering ):
Uh, the baseball program's
been cut, Hank.
Budget issues.
( regular voice ):
Go, Longhorns.
Well, this is just wrong.
Okay, if you were
on the baseball team,
I've got a message for you.
Keep believing
in yourselves.
How's that gonna bring
our baseball team back?
Well, uh, it's, uh, uh...
Huh.
There's got to be some way
to save the baseball program.
Hmm. Well, let's see.
You could attract new
industry to Arlen
and raise the tax base.
Hank, you'd be great
at attracting industry.
Yeah, but that
could take months.
Baseball season
starts next week.
Hank, I've got it.
We could play the
Ace of Diamonds
and His Jewels.
They take on
local teams
and use their crazy
antics to raise money
for charity.
ANNOUNCER:
Look at the Ace.
He's parked the unicycle,
and now he's on stilts.
Yup, I used these when I played
for the San Francisco
Jolly Green Giants.
ANNOUNCER:
( chuckles ) Now the Ace
has ditched his stilts
and he's pitching
from the outfield!
Even pitching from the outfield,
Ace is still throwing smoke.
They say he used
his fast ball
to stun a bear to keep it
from mauling a little girl.
Folks, looks like the Ace
has finally lost it.
He's walked the bases loaded.
Well, I'm in quite
a pickle here.
I might as well
have a sandwich with it.
PEGGY:
I hear on some mounds
that are wired for it,
he makes a Denver omelet.
Here's the pitch.
And a line drive
right at the Ace.
He steps on the bag,
tags the runner.
It's an unassisted triple play!
And as the winner of the game,
the Ace get the prize money.
Wait! Oh, my God,
he's, he's giving it
to the Abilene
Spay and Neuter Foundation.
Unbelievable!
Unbelievable?
Not for softball's
number one philanthropist.
The Ace always gives
the winner's check to charity.
Peggy?
Tom Landry Middle School is
gonna be on that tape someday.
I wonder if cows really
get how good they taste.
Here it is, team,
our league championship trophy.
( cheering )
HANK:
Uh! Wait a minute.
There's a mistake.
Right down here,
what it should say is,
"To be continued."
HANK:
That's right,
our dream season isn't over.
We are going to play the Ace
of Diamonds and his Jewels.
Oh, man, you're talking
about ol' Ace of Diamonds.
Man, they got dang invited
to dang White House, man.
One of them struck out
Marlin Fitzwater, man.
Now, the Ace and his team
keep 10% of the gate,
but the winner gives the rest
to Tom Landry Middle School
to save the baseball program.
HANK:
We can bill it
as the Battle of the Unbeatens--
The 11-0 Zephyrs against
the Ace's 239-game win streak.
239?!
Well,
we couldn't stay
undefeated forever.
"Fame is but a slow decay.
Even this shall pass away."
I guess it'll be okay,
'cause when it's over,
he'll hand a giant check
to those poor kids.
Wait a second.
Don't give up
before we even hit the field.
I think we can be the winners.
We can be the ones
handing over that check.
But, Hank,
aren't we supposed
to just let him beat us?
That's the fun of it, right?
All the pranks and all
the tricks the Ace does.
You think former big leaguers
like the Ace and his Jewels
enjoy having
to play like that.
It's like playing basketball
with an eight-year-old kid.
You shoot with your left hand
just to keep
it interesting.
Hey. Maybe you're right, Hank.
You bet I'm right.
They want
to be challenged.
They're dying for someone
to give them an actual game.
What a thrilling idea.
Davids,
pick up your slingshots.
We're going to slay the Ace.
Well, Bob,
I didn't expect
that kind
of spirit out of you,
but by God,
it is appreciated.
( cheering )
Boy, this Ace
of Diamonds
highlight video
is really
something.
It's like he did all
of our scouting for us.
The Ace picked him off,
throwing behind his back!
They're going to kill us!
Calm down, guys.
See how much his velocity drops
when he pitches on stilts?
And remember, there's only
two jewels in the field:
a catcher
and a first baseman.
Leaving their
outfield very
vulnerable.
Arrogance-- it's
their fatal flaw.
All we have to
do is hit it
where they ain't.
We're going
to play good "D,"
and lots of small ball,
and we're going to win because,
the whole season, we did what?
ALL:
Believed to achieve!
Hey, I believe, Hank!
We'll win
because our Lord
Jesus Christ
chose us to win!
Uh... okay, Enrique.
Make sure you
say these tickets
are to help
the baseball team.
Boomhauer, cover
Tom McCann
to the LensCrafters.
Dale, you take
the food court.
Bill, go anywhere
but Victoria's Secret.
Do you think
I'd sell more tickets
( with accent ):
as a French boy?
Ugh!
Would you
be interested
in some
exciting family--
or blended family--
entertainment?
Wow! The Ace of Diamonds
and his Jewels?
And the Zephyrs.
Daddy saw the Ace play in
Kerrville when I was your age.
I got to stand on home plate
and have the Ace knock a peanut
off my head.
Cool!
Awesome!
Hey, how much do you think
they'll beat you by? Ten? 15?
Hold on.
I'm not so sure
we're going
to get beat.
We're in it to win.
Yeah, and I suppose your
fastball can stun a bear, too.
Now, when Sports Jock
and Chad put me on,
make sure
to turn the radio down.
I don't want to be one
of those guys they scold.
CHAD ( over radio ):
All right, everyone, new topic:
the Ace of Diamonds
and his Jewels.
They're in town tonight
to strut their stuff
against the Arlen Zephyrs.
SPORTS JOCK:
We've got Zephyrs Player Coach
Hank Hill with us.
Now, Hank, I have never seen
this much interest
in a softball game.
Yep. It's going
to be a big victory
for underdogs everywhere
if we win.
Sorry. I mean when we win.
Listen to you woof.
I'm going to have to put you
in the Sports Jock dog pound.
( dogs barking )
I like your showmanship, Hank.
I'll let you out.
( gate squeaking )
( chattering )
ANNOUNCER ( over PA system ):
Welcome, everyone, to the
greatest show on cleats.
And a special welcome
to tonight's charity,
the Tom Landry Middle School
baseball team.
And how about a big Arlen
welcome to the clown princes
of softball: the Ace
and his Jewels!
And, to the local undefeated
Arlen Zephyrs, we say good luck.
Dale, remember
your ritual.
( gulps )
( gagging )
All right,
it's show time.
Little tip: When
I strike you out,
take a step like
you're going to
charge the mound,
and I'll
stare you down.
I've gotten digits from
the ladies in the upper deck
when I break this out.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Ace and his Jewels!
It always amazes me
how three can defeat ten.
I bet his
first pitch
is going to
be on stilts.
No, no.
On his knees!
( loud blowing )
Evening. I'm the Ace.
And I'll be your tour guide
on a magical trip
around this 12-inch world
I call softball.
First up for the Zephyrs:
Hank Hill.
Ready?
All aboard!
The Ace pitches,
and Hill bunts... to third base.
And he makes it to first safely.
( cheering )
( confused murmurs )
What?
This is where I pitch by smell.
Luckily, my catcher hasn't
changed his socks all week.
Somebody please get him
a new pair of socks.
( laughing )
HANK:
Okay, Boomhauer,
bring me home!
Repeat: Bring me home!
Watch out.
The Ace is pitching blindly.
And the Zephyrs bunt
to third base.
Daddy,
make it be fun.
I ain't your daddy!
Oh, you're
talking to him.
What happened?
They bunted again.
HANK:
Good Lord!
That's a live ball.
No one's ever
bunted before.
It looks like the Zephyrs
are taking advantage
of the Ace's confusion,
and they score.
You were right, Hank!
Maybe we can do this.
( whispering ):
What are these
jackasses doing?
Don't worry,
Boomhauer.
I will bring you home!
He's going
to bunt again?
All right,
show's over.
Here it comes, fat man.
( squeals )
Stee-rike!
And the Ace
has shut down the Zephyrs.
Okay, folks, now it's fun time.
The Ace is up to bat.
All right!
And now the pitch.
Nice home run.
Not funny, but it went far.
Well, it looks like we made it
to the end, with the Ace 63
and the Zephyrs one.
Thank God it's finally over.
Of course, there will always
be the nightmares.
Now, we may have lost
our undefeated season,
but we gave those kids
their baseball program back.
And no defeat,
no matter how, uh...
thorough...
can change that.
( microphone feedback )
Those of you who are left,
how about that game?
You certainly saw something you
can go home and reflect upon.
Anyhow, I hereby present
this check to the winner,
the Ace of Diamonds.
Hey, wait!
Where you going, Ace?
You're supposed to give
that money to the kids.
Isn't that the deal?
Well, if they play anything
like you guys,
they're better off without it.
SPORTS JOCK:
The real losers Saturday night
were the fans.
What a travesty.
People took their families there
to have some fun,
and what did they see?
Hank Hill bunting and the Ace
taking batting practice.
CHAD:
It was ugly all right.
I put this one in Chad's
softball hall of shame.
DEEJAY:
Mm-hmm.
( chorus of boos )
Why'd we ever think
we could take on
the Ace
and his Jewels?
Hank got me so fired up,
I was willing
to believe in anything...
even myself.
( sighs )
I guess
I got a bit carried away.
I've got to straighten this out
and get those kids
their money back.
Bill, if it's any
consolation,
I never believed
in you.
Hello, this is Hank Hill,
and I coach the Zephyrs.
Yes, those Zephyrs.
Listen, do you know where
the Ace is playing tonight?
No, I don't want to buy a
commemorative tour schedule.
Couldn't you just tell me
the name of the town?
( sighs )
It's a Visa.
( sighs )
Oh, look.
It's the Bunt Brothers.
Look, we're real sorry
about spoiling the fun.
We just wanted
to give you a real game,
you know,
show some pride.
I'm sure you can understand that
as a fellow athlete.
( chuckling ):
Fellow athlete?
I got my picture on some of that
gum that looks like tobacco.
How about you?
All right, I get it.
But let's just think
about the kids.
You always give
the winner's check to charity.
Yeah. And I always clear
a few grand in merchandise
and score
a little overnight company.
But thanks to your
boring little stunt,
the Ace slept alone last night
and has an RV full
of unsold bobbleheads.
You know what that's like
when I go over
a railroad crossing?
Okay, I admit, I screwed up,
but that's no reason to take it
out on a bunch of kids.
Just give us
another shot.
We'll take foolhardy leads
off first,
we'll swing at bad pitches,
whatever's funny.
Hmm. I'm a nice guy.
Maybe if you ask me
in baby talk.
Well, I don't see how
that could make a difference...
Oh, God.
Uh, can we, uh, pwease have
another shot, pwease?
Hmm... maybe.
Do you know
what you did wrong?
Uh... maybe we pwayed
too sewiouswy.
Well, let me think about it.
No.
I'm sorry, baby.
The spiced wine
should be hot
enough by now.
How about you?
( R&B song playing )
Listen!
This isn't about you and me.
This is for the kids.
We had a deal.
So, a parking lot
attendant.
You ever park
one of these babies?
He can't just hide
in that damn RV and ignore us.
Yes, he can.
And when he gets bored,
he can just drive away.
Well, I'm not gonna let him.
Save your breath,
Hank.
The only thing
that could get him out of there
is a twister,
the RV's only predator.
( sighs )
Hope is a vessel
dashed upon the rocks of...
Oh, what's the point?
Wait! I know who
can send us a twister!
And with the help
from our Lor...
( gagging sounds )
Oh, what's the point?
We're not giving up.
We just need to reach down deep
and grab what's already in
each and every one of us.
We've got grit,
guts and determination,
and we're gonna use them
to rock this damn RV
until he comes
running out of it.
Now, let's do this, Zephyrs.
Uh-oh. The hair on my back
is starting to tingle.
Your hair knows something
you're about to find out.
We're getting those kids
their money.
Now, come on, Bill.
Put your weight
in that fender.
( hollers )
( grunts )
It really moved.
Everyone, grab some aluminum.
Donna, take that wheel well.
Enrique, put your shoulder
into it.
Come on, go, go!
Ready, set, rock.
( grunting )
Believe to achieve!
Believe to achieve!
Believe to achieve!
Wha-What the...
Hey. Hey, stop it!
I'm entertaining.
You know, Ace, we can do this
in every town you play in.
I bought a commemorative tour
schedule from your wife.
Your wife?
So where are we going
tomorrow night?
Denton, then Fredericksburg,
then into Rumpert.
Why bother
even putting on cologne?
Okay, okay!
Take the check!
Just stop pushing my house!
Way to go, team.
Well, I guess that makes
the final score
Zephyrs one, Ace's house zero.
HANK:
Well, those new uniforms
look pretty good,
I tell you what.
Maybe next year
we can raise even
more money
and get them fur coats
and top hats.
Ah, fundamentals.
I ain't your daddy!
It looks like it's down
to the final strike of the final
out of the final inning.
Is this where the Zephyrs'
perfect season ends?
Wait for your
pitch, Donna.
Where's your
rally cap, Dale?
How's the rally god
supposed to know
who to give mojo to?
If we rally,
I'll have to bat,
and I'll be
the last out
that ruins our
undefeated season.
Easy out!
She's distracted by
her recent divorce.
Dang it, Dale.
Shut up and put your glove
on your got-dang head.
Ow!
Got a walk.
Walk's good, y' hear?
You're a saint, Donna.
Okay, Dale,
bases loaded.
A hit wins it.
But, but I haven't
had a hit all season.
Your season
starts now, Dale.
Take what you've learned
from all those strikeouts
and put it to use.
All you have to do is...
"Believe to achieve."
Now, get up there
and do what my shirt says.
( feeble grunt )
Run, Dale, run!
Geh!
( cheering )
ANNOUNCER:
Holy-moly, cannoli!
Zephyrs win! Zephyrs win!
Yeah, I spanked
that ball so hard,
I probably
should've apologized
and bought it
a box of chocolates.
See, Dale?
You believed, and
then you achieved.
I guess I believed a
little, but I don't know.
I think there was
something more
to it than that.
Well, maybe
you gave 110%,
because Hank says
that works, too.
No, I only gave 70%.
I was feeling
kind of sick
after I accidentally
swallowed my
chewing tobacco.
Maybe you stumbled
onto a lucky ritual.
I mean, all the
greats had one.
Joe DiMaggio would keep
a penny in his shoe.
Ty Cobb would
beat his valet.
( Hank clearing throat )
Attention, Zephyrs.
When the season started, no one
gave this team much of a chance
and things looked pretty bleak
when we lost Joe Jack
because of...
Well, we all know what
happened at the Taco Bueno.
But we never lost a step.
Bob Jenkins joined the team,
and to watch him
in the outfield,
you would've thought
there was radar
under that eye patch.
( applause )
And through it all,
none of us stopped believing,
and that's why we're the first
undefeated softball team
in Arlen Rec League history.
( cheering )
Yeah.
Real stirring, Hank.
Listen, how'd you
like to give
a motivation talk
at school tomorrow?
Really?
I'd be honored.
Thanks. The magician
had to cancel.
Who would've thought a
dove could do all that
to a man's face?
And so whether you
eventually choose a career
in customer service
or the military,
try to do it the
Zephyr way-- perfect.
Now, if I could have
all the members
of the baseball
team please stand,
I'd like to tell you a little
story about never giving up.
( whispering ):
Uh, the baseball program's
been cut, Hank.
Budget issues.
( regular voice ):
Go, Longhorns.
Well, this is just wrong.
Okay, if you were
on the baseball team,
I've got a message for you.
Keep believing
in yourselves.
How's that gonna bring
our baseball team back?
Well, uh, it's, uh, uh...
Huh.
There's got to be some way
to save the baseball program.
Hmm. Well, let's see.
You could attract new
industry to Arlen
and raise the tax base.
Hank, you'd be great
at attracting industry.
Yeah, but that
could take months.
Baseball season
starts next week.
Hank, I've got it.
We could play the
Ace of Diamonds
and His Jewels.
They take on
local teams
and use their crazy
antics to raise money
for charity.
ANNOUNCER:
Look at the Ace.
He's parked the unicycle,
and now he's on stilts.
Yup, I used these when I played
for the San Francisco
Jolly Green Giants.
ANNOUNCER:
( chuckles ) Now the Ace
has ditched his stilts
and he's pitching
from the outfield!
Even pitching from the outfield,
Ace is still throwing smoke.
They say he used
his fast ball
to stun a bear to keep it
from mauling a little girl.
Folks, looks like the Ace
has finally lost it.
He's walked the bases loaded.
Well, I'm in quite
a pickle here.
I might as well
have a sandwich with it.
PEGGY:
I hear on some mounds
that are wired for it,
he makes a Denver omelet.
Here's the pitch.
And a line drive
right at the Ace.
He steps on the bag,
tags the runner.
It's an unassisted triple play!
And as the winner of the game,
the Ace get the prize money.
Wait! Oh, my God,
he's, he's giving it
to the Abilene
Spay and Neuter Foundation.
Unbelievable!
Unbelievable?
Not for softball's
number one philanthropist.
The Ace always gives
the winner's check to charity.
Peggy?
Tom Landry Middle School is
gonna be on that tape someday.
I wonder if cows really
get how good they taste.
Here it is, team,
our league championship trophy.
( cheering )
HANK:
Uh! Wait a minute.
There's a mistake.
Right down here,
what it should say is,
"To be continued."
HANK:
That's right,
our dream season isn't over.
We are going to play the Ace
of Diamonds and his Jewels.
Oh, man, you're talking
about ol' Ace of Diamonds.
Man, they got dang invited
to dang White House, man.
One of them struck out
Marlin Fitzwater, man.
Now, the Ace and his team
keep 10% of the gate,
but the winner gives the rest
to Tom Landry Middle School
to save the baseball program.
HANK:
We can bill it
as the Battle of the Unbeatens--
The 11-0 Zephyrs against
the Ace's 239-game win streak.
239?!
Well,
we couldn't stay
undefeated forever.
"Fame is but a slow decay.
Even this shall pass away."
I guess it'll be okay,
'cause when it's over,
he'll hand a giant check
to those poor kids.
Wait a second.
Don't give up
before we even hit the field.
I think we can be the winners.
We can be the ones
handing over that check.
But, Hank,
aren't we supposed
to just let him beat us?
That's the fun of it, right?
All the pranks and all
the tricks the Ace does.
You think former big leaguers
like the Ace and his Jewels
enjoy having
to play like that.
It's like playing basketball
with an eight-year-old kid.
You shoot with your left hand
just to keep
it interesting.
Hey. Maybe you're right, Hank.
You bet I'm right.
They want
to be challenged.
They're dying for someone
to give them an actual game.
What a thrilling idea.
Davids,
pick up your slingshots.
We're going to slay the Ace.
Well, Bob,
I didn't expect
that kind
of spirit out of you,
but by God,
it is appreciated.
( cheering )
Boy, this Ace
of Diamonds
highlight video
is really
something.
It's like he did all
of our scouting for us.
The Ace picked him off,
throwing behind his back!
They're going to kill us!
Calm down, guys.
See how much his velocity drops
when he pitches on stilts?
And remember, there's only
two jewels in the field:
a catcher
and a first baseman.
Leaving their
outfield very
vulnerable.
Arrogance-- it's
their fatal flaw.
All we have to
do is hit it
where they ain't.
We're going
to play good "D,"
and lots of small ball,
and we're going to win because,
the whole season, we did what?
ALL:
Believed to achieve!
Hey, I believe, Hank!
We'll win
because our Lord
Jesus Christ
chose us to win!
Uh... okay, Enrique.
Make sure you
say these tickets
are to help
the baseball team.
Boomhauer, cover
Tom McCann
to the LensCrafters.
Dale, you take
the food court.
Bill, go anywhere
but Victoria's Secret.
Do you think
I'd sell more tickets
( with accent ):
as a French boy?
Ugh!
Would you
be interested
in some
exciting family--
or blended family--
entertainment?
Wow! The Ace of Diamonds
and his Jewels?
And the Zephyrs.
Daddy saw the Ace play in
Kerrville when I was your age.
I got to stand on home plate
and have the Ace knock a peanut
off my head.
Cool!
Awesome!
Hey, how much do you think
they'll beat you by? Ten? 15?
Hold on.
I'm not so sure
we're going
to get beat.
We're in it to win.
Yeah, and I suppose your
fastball can stun a bear, too.
Now, when Sports Jock
and Chad put me on,
make sure
to turn the radio down.
I don't want to be one
of those guys they scold.
CHAD ( over radio ):
All right, everyone, new topic:
the Ace of Diamonds
and his Jewels.
They're in town tonight
to strut their stuff
against the Arlen Zephyrs.
SPORTS JOCK:
We've got Zephyrs Player Coach
Hank Hill with us.
Now, Hank, I have never seen
this much interest
in a softball game.
Yep. It's going
to be a big victory
for underdogs everywhere
if we win.
Sorry. I mean when we win.
Listen to you woof.
I'm going to have to put you
in the Sports Jock dog pound.
( dogs barking )
I like your showmanship, Hank.
I'll let you out.
( gate squeaking )
( chattering )
ANNOUNCER ( over PA system ):
Welcome, everyone, to the
greatest show on cleats.
And a special welcome
to tonight's charity,
the Tom Landry Middle School
baseball team.
And how about a big Arlen
welcome to the clown princes
of softball: the Ace
and his Jewels!
And, to the local undefeated
Arlen Zephyrs, we say good luck.
Dale, remember
your ritual.
( gulps )
( gagging )
All right,
it's show time.
Little tip: When
I strike you out,
take a step like
you're going to
charge the mound,
and I'll
stare you down.
I've gotten digits from
the ladies in the upper deck
when I break this out.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Ace and his Jewels!
It always amazes me
how three can defeat ten.
I bet his
first pitch
is going to
be on stilts.
No, no.
On his knees!
( loud blowing )
Evening. I'm the Ace.
And I'll be your tour guide
on a magical trip
around this 12-inch world
I call softball.
First up for the Zephyrs:
Hank Hill.
Ready?
All aboard!
The Ace pitches,
and Hill bunts... to third base.
And he makes it to first safely.
( cheering )
( confused murmurs )
What?
This is where I pitch by smell.
Luckily, my catcher hasn't
changed his socks all week.
Somebody please get him
a new pair of socks.
( laughing )
HANK:
Okay, Boomhauer,
bring me home!
Repeat: Bring me home!
Watch out.
The Ace is pitching blindly.
And the Zephyrs bunt
to third base.
Daddy,
make it be fun.
I ain't your daddy!
Oh, you're
talking to him.
What happened?
They bunted again.
HANK:
Good Lord!
That's a live ball.
No one's ever
bunted before.
It looks like the Zephyrs
are taking advantage
of the Ace's confusion,
and they score.
You were right, Hank!
Maybe we can do this.
( whispering ):
What are these
jackasses doing?
Don't worry,
Boomhauer.
I will bring you home!
He's going
to bunt again?
All right,
show's over.
Here it comes, fat man.
( squeals )
Stee-rike!
And the Ace
has shut down the Zephyrs.
Okay, folks, now it's fun time.
The Ace is up to bat.
All right!
And now the pitch.
Nice home run.
Not funny, but it went far.
Well, it looks like we made it
to the end, with the Ace 63
and the Zephyrs one.
Thank God it's finally over.
Of course, there will always
be the nightmares.
Now, we may have lost
our undefeated season,
but we gave those kids
their baseball program back.
And no defeat,
no matter how, uh...
thorough...
can change that.
( microphone feedback )
Those of you who are left,
how about that game?
You certainly saw something you
can go home and reflect upon.
Anyhow, I hereby present
this check to the winner,
the Ace of Diamonds.
Hey, wait!
Where you going, Ace?
You're supposed to give
that money to the kids.
Isn't that the deal?
Well, if they play anything
like you guys,
they're better off without it.
SPORTS JOCK:
The real losers Saturday night
were the fans.
What a travesty.
People took their families there
to have some fun,
and what did they see?
Hank Hill bunting and the Ace
taking batting practice.
CHAD:
It was ugly all right.
I put this one in Chad's
softball hall of shame.
DEEJAY:
Mm-hmm.
( chorus of boos )
Why'd we ever think
we could take on
the Ace
and his Jewels?
Hank got me so fired up,
I was willing
to believe in anything...
even myself.
( sighs )
I guess
I got a bit carried away.
I've got to straighten this out
and get those kids
their money back.
Bill, if it's any
consolation,
I never believed
in you.
Hello, this is Hank Hill,
and I coach the Zephyrs.
Yes, those Zephyrs.
Listen, do you know where
the Ace is playing tonight?
No, I don't want to buy a
commemorative tour schedule.
Couldn't you just tell me
the name of the town?
( sighs )
It's a Visa.
( sighs )
Oh, look.
It's the Bunt Brothers.
Look, we're real sorry
about spoiling the fun.
We just wanted
to give you a real game,
you know,
show some pride.
I'm sure you can understand that
as a fellow athlete.
( chuckling ):
Fellow athlete?
I got my picture on some of that
gum that looks like tobacco.
How about you?
All right, I get it.
But let's just think
about the kids.
You always give
the winner's check to charity.
Yeah. And I always clear
a few grand in merchandise
and score
a little overnight company.
But thanks to your
boring little stunt,
the Ace slept alone last night
and has an RV full
of unsold bobbleheads.
You know what that's like
when I go over
a railroad crossing?
Okay, I admit, I screwed up,
but that's no reason to take it
out on a bunch of kids.
Just give us
another shot.
We'll take foolhardy leads
off first,
we'll swing at bad pitches,
whatever's funny.
Hmm. I'm a nice guy.
Maybe if you ask me
in baby talk.
Well, I don't see how
that could make a difference...
Oh, God.
Uh, can we, uh, pwease have
another shot, pwease?
Hmm... maybe.
Do you know
what you did wrong?
Uh... maybe we pwayed
too sewiouswy.
Well, let me think about it.
No.
I'm sorry, baby.
The spiced wine
should be hot
enough by now.
How about you?
( R&B song playing )
Listen!
This isn't about you and me.
This is for the kids.
We had a deal.
So, a parking lot
attendant.
You ever park
one of these babies?
He can't just hide
in that damn RV and ignore us.
Yes, he can.
And when he gets bored,
he can just drive away.
Well, I'm not gonna let him.
Save your breath,
Hank.
The only thing
that could get him out of there
is a twister,
the RV's only predator.
( sighs )
Hope is a vessel
dashed upon the rocks of...
Oh, what's the point?
Wait! I know who
can send us a twister!
And with the help
from our Lor...
( gagging sounds )
Oh, what's the point?
We're not giving up.
We just need to reach down deep
and grab what's already in
each and every one of us.
We've got grit,
guts and determination,
and we're gonna use them
to rock this damn RV
until he comes
running out of it.
Now, let's do this, Zephyrs.
Uh-oh. The hair on my back
is starting to tingle.
Your hair knows something
you're about to find out.
We're getting those kids
their money.
Now, come on, Bill.
Put your weight
in that fender.
( hollers )
( grunts )
It really moved.
Everyone, grab some aluminum.
Donna, take that wheel well.
Enrique, put your shoulder
into it.
Come on, go, go!
Ready, set, rock.
( grunting )
Believe to achieve!
Believe to achieve!
Believe to achieve!
Wha-What the...
Hey. Hey, stop it!
I'm entertaining.
You know, Ace, we can do this
in every town you play in.
I bought a commemorative tour
schedule from your wife.
Your wife?
So where are we going
tomorrow night?
Denton, then Fredericksburg,
then into Rumpert.
Why bother
even putting on cologne?
Okay, okay!
Take the check!
Just stop pushing my house!
Way to go, team.
Well, I guess that makes
the final score
Zephyrs one, Ace's house zero.
HANK:
Well, those new uniforms
look pretty good,
I tell you what.
Maybe next year
we can raise even
more money
and get them fur coats
and top hats.
Ah, fundamentals.
I ain't your daddy!