King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 10, Episode 12 - 24 Hour Propane People - full transcript

( "Hit Me with Your Best Shot"
by Pat Benatar plays )

Ooh, I'm hungry.

Time for breakfast.

Raven, you're going to have
to keep the beat without me.

Uh-oh.

Ah.

Ahh.

♪That's okay,
lets see how you do it ♪

( growls )

( growls ):
Drop that egg roll

if you want
to keep your arm.



♪Hit me with your best shot ♪

( laughs )

♪Why don't you hit me
with your best shot ♪

Dang it, Keith.
You call this
a smorgasbord?!

It's just pans
and hot water.

We need to get something
straight, Buck.

The free buffet is a courtesy,
not a right.

Oh, don't you get attitudey
with me.

We got history.
I was dropping 20s here

when all you had
was an old tetherball pole.

Now...

get me some
fresh egg rolls.

Chop, chop.

Look here, Buck,
don't make me exercise my right



to refuse service.

Why, you ungrateful
snotty-faced little...!

Don't say anything
you'll regret.

Ah...!
( mumbling )

pock-marked little...

watered-down
drink slinger!

Buck... you're no longer
welcome in this establishment.

( sighs ):
Kids.

( Strickland sighs )

Sir?

What are you doing here
in the morning?

I've been kicked out
of Jugstore Cowboys, Hank.

Banned for life.

( sighs heavily )

10:35.

Right about now

Trixie's reloading her
bandoleros with lollipops.

I know those dancers
meant a lot to you, sir,

but there's more to life
than gentlemen's clubs.

Like work.

Everyone would love to have you

back in the saddle
here at Strickland.

Work?!

Well, I don't really see it,
but...

I'll give it a shot.

Do you think those guys
will get mad if I run in

and yell, "Stop the presses!"
again?

Tell you what, Bobby,

why don't you go
make up a crime report?

If it sounds believable,
we'll print it.

Oh, I just spent
a glorious day at the spa.

It's like the manicurist
was the sheriff

and my cuticles
were outlaws.

She really cleaned up the town.

Mm-hmm.
I'm on a deadline.

What's another word
for "potato"?

Not "tuber,"
I've already used that twice.

But the best part is...
didn't cost me a dime.

How's that?

I just flashed

my Arlen Bystander
press pass

and open sesame.

This thing we swipe to get
into the parking lot?

( clicks tongue )

Bobby, how's this
for a headline?

"Woman Gets Free Stuff
for Having Press Pass...

Boy Also."

HANK:
Now before

we get started, I'd like
to welcome Mr. Strickland

to our morning
roundtable of new

and ongoing projects.

Okay.
Now last time Enrique proposed

moving the barbecue mitts from
accessories over to apparel.

Let's kick it around.

Uh, I mean,
you wear them, right?

But not as
a fashion statement.

Both good points.

I think what Donna
doesn't like

is that it's my idea.

Actually...
Ah! Aw, jeez.

Hang on, Donna.

Mr. Strickland is trying
to get a word in edgewise.

( sobbing )

( bawling )

I, uh, I forgot how high
emotions run at these meetings.

You guys keep going.

There's no time for
nominations, so, Donna...

you're interim chair.

Oh, no!

( cries ):
Don't try and stop me!

I'm going to
Jugstore Cowboys

and apologizing to Keith.

At least I can look at some
pretty girls while I eat crow.

Oh, I left my keys inside.

Sir, coming back to work
was the right choice.

Don't waiver.

Come on.
Let's go inside.

No! I hate work, Hank.

It's so God-awful boring.

How you don't kill
yourself is beyond me.

Mr. Strickland,
I want to show you

how fun work can be.

Please, just give it
another chance.

Hey, we could surprise
the staff with ice cream.

That's fun.

Hmm.

WORKERS:
♪We sell ice cream
all day long ♪

♪Here at Frozen Cow ♪

Okay then.

Hi, welcome
to Frozen Cow.

What's your name?

Hank.

Uh, strawberry
for six adults, please.

We don't have strawberry.

We do have the Strawberry
that Broke the Camel's Back.

Okay.
That sounds pretty close.

And what mix-ins do
you want with that?
You get four.

Mix-ins?

Uh, I just want the ice cream.

Sure, Hank.
But if you don't want mix-ins,

you're going to have
to wear this

"I like nude ice cream" button.

While you're
looking them over,

I'll get you signed up
for our birthday club.

Hank, what's your Social?

How dare you?

♪There was a man
who liked mix-ins ♪

♪And put them
in his ice cream ♪

♪M-I-X-I-N, M-I-X-I-N ♪

♪And put them
in his ice cream ♪

Buck?

Ooh! Go, man, go!

Oh, oh, how's he going
to mix in all them Oreos?

Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Here he goes!

That's how!

Sir, we need to get
back to work.

( hums )

Sir?

♪M-I-X-I-N, M-I-X-I-N... ♪

I fell down a flight of stairs
this morning.

That's about it from my end.

That's better
than my day.

I got hung up with Buck at that
horrible new ice cream place.

You mean Frozen Cow Creamery?

Their commercials say
"they make ice cream fun."

♪Oh, we make ice cream fun,
oh, we make ice cream fun... ♪

Dang it, Dale, ice cream
was already fun.

What's with all these
perfectly good businesses

trying to cram extra fun
into places it doesn't belong?

Yeah, man, it's like them dang
old Southwest Airlines, man.

The dang old pilot
get on there

like a dang old night
at the improv, man.

Fly the dang old
plane, man.

This is interesting,
but I have to get dressed.

I'm going to a party
at Arlen Ford.

Now that's what
I'm talking about, Bill.

Those aren't real parties.
Those are sales.

Sounds like someone
didn't get invited.

( sighs )

Buck just called
for you, honey.

He's down
at the Frozen Cow.

Again?

He's just trading
one vice for another.

All I know is, he wants you
to bring him some pants.

Hey, Ol' Top.

Here are your
new pants, sir.

I got the "extremely
relaxed" fit.

Thanks, Hank.

All my trousers seem
to be wearing out at once.

Uh...

I... I brought
some paperwork...

Here's the deal.

I can win a gift certificate by
naming the new cherry ice cream.

How do you like, uh,
"Cherried Alive"?

Too creepy?

Look at yourself.

Sitting here all day,
changing pants in public.

There's a spoon
stuck to your elbow.

Do you even
know that?

You don't need
this place

or a strip club
to be happy.

Yes, I do!

I'm physically addicted
to the good times!

I understand that.

Sir, you have my word

that if you come back
to Strickland Propane,

I will do everything
in my power

to prove to you
that work can be fun.

Fun, huh?

HANK:
Okay...

our first order of business
is a special hello

to Mr. Strickland
who is with us...

I'll take it
from here, Hank.

Now, how do we make
Strickland Propane fun?

Do you know? You? You?!

Sir, this sounds
like new business.

Ordinarily, we start
with old business.

Here's the Frozen Cow
operations manual,

which I stole from that white
kid with the dreadlocks.

We gonna use this book
to turn Strickland into

the happiest propane
dealer on earth.

Here's the first number
we're gonna learn.

Joe Jack,

let me hear
your big pipes.

♪I've... ♪

♪Been working
at the... ♪

( groans )

♪Propanerie ♪

♪All the livelong day... ♪

Uh, sir,
I know I said

that work could
be fun, but...

Shut up and take
the tenor, Hank.

I can't hear you, Hank.

( sighs )

♪Can't you hear
the nozzle whistling? ♪

( squeaking )

Sorry, uh, we don't sell

10-, 20-, and 30-gallon
tanks anymore.

Our new sizes are

"Like it," "Love it,"

and "Don't Come Any Closer--
I'm Insane for Propane."

I'll take
the big one, I guess.

( sighs )

All right.

( horn blowing )

Someone's insane.

Look out. Someone's insane.

I got my eye
on you, nutcase!

Ain't this great, Ol' Top?

Good times, laughs...

Yeah, but what
about propane?

That's what we're
actually selling here.

Uh-uh. That's the old
way of thinking.

What we're selling is a fun
environment to buy propane in.

Well, how are we gonna
get all the work done

with everyone
cutting up all the time?

Oh, the work'll
get done all right.

It'll be fun.
You promised.

Are you sure they're
gonna let us in for free

just because you work
for the paper?

Good point, Bobby.

I will need to make them think
I'm here on official business.

Hello.
Peggy Hill, Arlen Bystander.

Our readers want to know

if a goat really could save
a down-and-out football team.

Eleven dollars.

Have you ever heard
of freedom of the press?

That means I don't pay.

Okay.

Uh, four dollars
for the kid.

Pay the man, Bobby!

I'm off to review
some popcorn.

What happened to "boy also"?

Sorry I'm late.

Buck's making us have
so much fun all day

there's no time to get
to the actual work.

I thought you wanted Buck to
spend more time at the office.

Well, that was
before he got

all his priorities
out of whack.

Now, I've got to learn...

juggling to entertain
customers.

I can teach you
the most essential

fun skill of all, Hank.

"Throwing your voice."

Who said that?

"I did."

Well, are you behind
that tree over there?

"No, I'm in
the garbage can."

Whoever you are,
don't bother me

while I sip my beer.

( gargled, muffled,
indistinct chatter )

( coughing )

Okay, that last time was me.

And remember.

Propane's not just
a gas; it's a gas.

Hank! I can't breathe
with this on.

( coughing )

I can't really swallow
this thing, honey.

That was just talk.

Just hang in there, guys.

All this nonsense
can't be good for business,

and sooner or later,

Mr. Strickland
has to realize it.

( barking )

( sighs )

Well, at least that means
it's closing time.

Now we can
finally get to inventory,

maybe make it home
in time for dinner.

What's everybody
doing?

I don't hear any laughing.

Well, we're all doing
inventory, sir.

And Joe Jack may be
going to the urgent care.

I poked my talk tube.

Inventory?

That's boring.

We can do
that kind of stuff later.

Right now we should...
be playing putt-putt golf!

Golf?

Sir, no, we really have...

What we have to do
is build some team spirit!

You said I could
count on you, Hank.

Well, I'm counting.

So the putt-putt golf
is mandatory?

No. It's fun-datory.

And, hey, after that,
we can have a pizza party!

( tearfully ):
Pizza?

( sighs ):
I'm full.

But I think
we better review

the whole dessert
cart anyway.

My readers deserve nothing less.

Bobby, I'll be
right back.

Incredibly expensive wine
goes right through you.

Press!

And we didn't even
make it back to the office

because the dang pizza place
had a karaoke machine.

You never really notice
that "American Pie"

is seven minutes long until
your boss makes you sing it.

How was their pizza?

Big choice of toppings?
Dessert bar?

Sounds like there's a story
there for me around lunchtime.

You're lucky you
can enjoy your work.

Tomorrow I'm the official
Strickland Tickler.

( sighs ):
I might have to call in sick.

Hey, I don't look like a bunny.
I look like a goat.

This is about
the barbecue mitts, isn't it?

Look, I know this
has been tough,

but Buck's going over receipts
right now.

He's still a businessman,

and there hadn't been a customer
in here all day.

Once he sees we're losing money,

he'll pull the plug
on all this gotdang fun.

( clearing throat )

BUCK:
All right, attention,
everyone!

I just been
going over

our financials,
and the news ain't good.

Ah, gracias,
madre de Dios.

It's great!

In the first week
of business,

the new fun Strickland
made $300 more

than the old,
boring Strickland.

Business is up?

Yeah, and we're just starting.

From now on, we
won't be having fun.

We'll be having
super boffo fun!

Sir, we're all
kind of exhausted.

Exhausted?!

Don't worry, 'cause
I got something for that.

Besides, we got
to do inventory tonight.

And you know
what's gonna
make that fun?

Check your desk drawers,

and you're gonna
find out.

Pajamas?

Yeah! Hank was right
all along!

Dang if work
can't be fun!

We're gonna have us
an all-night slumber party.

I got to bust out
of here, Hank.

You don't know this,
but I've been locked up before.

You're not locked up.

You're just kind of being

held hostage.

After the game's over,
we'll get inventory done

and get the heck out of here.

Popcorn's in the
microwave!

What word we on?

Pomegranate.

And Joe Jack's
narrowed it down to
three definitions.

Pomegranate.

What a cheerleader cheers with.

A fruit with juicy seeds,

or a sack of dirt

you hit yourself
on the head with.

Uh, that one, I guess?

Joe Jack, you stink
at dictionary.

A pomegranate's a
fruit, boy, a fruit!

A delicious fruit.

That's your
new nickname--
pomegranate!

Can we get to work?

It-It's my husband's birthday

for another ten minutes.

I just want
to get home.

Ah, Enrique, you're not
the wet blanket anymore!

She is.

( groans )

Hank, I can't take this
anymore.

Just hold on,
Enrique.

This can't go
on forever.

Oh, God,
he's got Risk.

BUCK:
Look alive,
Enrique!

Kamchatka's calling
Japan out!

Maybe that should
be our cue to call
it a night, sir.

I'll just guestimate the
number of meat thermometers.

What's the matter
with you people?

Now, I try
to make working

in the crummy
propanerie fun, and...

Well, plainly, I need

to soak a bunch of
more wet blankets!

I won't wear the blanket
again, honey.

I swear I won't.

I hate it, too, but you can't
argue with Mr. Strickland.

Not when business is up.

I mean, look at this.

We were up 40 bucks on Monday,
80 on Tuesday.

60 Wednesday... Huh.

It's always exact increments
of $20.

Wait a second.

Donna, does Buck know
the combination to the cash box?

Sure. Every time we go
to Jugstore Cowboys,

he'd help himself
to some 20s.

That's why business is up.

It's just because
Buck isn't raiding the register

and blowing the money
at the strip bar.

There's no reason
to do any of this junk.

When he
comes back,

I saw we throw a
blanket over his head

and do what
feels right.

Sure, that might make us all
feel better in the short term,

but the moment
he regains consciousness,

we're right back
where we started.

Enrique, make sure

Joe Jack doesn't kill
Mr. Strickland while I'm gone.

You got
to let Buck come back, Keith.

He's your best customer.

Well, the girls are
kind of thrown off.

They're so used
to Buck being in
his usual seat,

half the time
they end up
plopping down

on an empty chair.

And if I'm not mistaken,
your revenues are down

by at least $300 a week.

Okay, if he crawled here

on his hands and knees
and begged forgiveness,

I might consider
taking him back.

Well, he won't do that now.

Buck wanted to come here
to apologize the very next day

after his banishment,
but I talked him out of it.

I'm the one you should ban
from Jugstore's, not Buck.

Then you're banished, too!

But that doesn't change
anything with Buck.

Look, you guys need each other.

Well, it would sure be nice
to hear Buck say that.

Huh.

BUCK:
Truth or dare, Enrique.

Ever kill anyone?

No!

Darn!

I thought you were
going to take a dare.

I was going to blindfold you and
make you sniff the mystery foot.

( phone rings )

Strickland Propane,
it's a gas, gas, gas!

Sir, I'm over here
at the Frozen Cow Creamery,

and they've got
a new fun activity

I think you might want to steal.

Oh. I'm goin' right now.
Gonna run over there.

Make a run
for it!

Is it a contest?

Is it a new flavor?

We'll get to that.

Hey, Troy, how about a mother
lode of Berry Interesting?

I'm on it.

9:15.

Isn't that when
Trixie goes on?

Uh, usually.

I mean, sometimes
Raven takes that shift.

I don't know. Sometimes,
they-they both, uh...

( to "Row, Row Your Boat" ):
♪Eat, eat, eat ice cream ♪

♪Here at Frozen Cow ♪

♪Merrily, merrily,
merrily, merrily ♪

♪Eat your ice
cream now. ♪

( sniffs ):
You smell that, Hank?

Smell like them
Swedish meatballs

they serve
at Jugstore's.

( laughs )

Y-You don't have a new
Swedish meatball flavor,

do ya, boy?

Course not, course not.

I must be sleep-deprived
or something.

Maybe.

Hey, could you
break this 20
into, uh, singles?

Huh?

For a tip?

Shouldn't we be getting back
to the office?

Sir, I've got 20 singles
for you.

Now, do you want to put 'em
back in the register at work,

or put 'em in
the tip jar here

so you can hear Troy
sing some more, or

put 'em to use over
at Jugstore Cowboys?

( clears throat )

Joe Jack was working
on some tongue twisters

that were pretty nifty,
and-and I...

Gotdang, I'm smelling meatballs!

I want to go
to my strip club!

Then, do it, sir.

I can't.

Fact is, I was a shade guilty
of gluttony

vis-a-vis Keith's buffet,
but I can't apologize to him.

I just can't.

You just did, Buck.

And I accept.

I didn't apologize,
you ol' humpback toad.

Ah, I got you.

Well, this isn't an apology,
either,

but, uh, I do like to defrost
a tray of hors d'oeuvres for

my best customers.

Well, why don't you
two gentlemen continue

this discussion of
who's not apologizing

in a more adult
atmosphere?

I believe I know
just the place,

but I might be the latest smidge
getting back to the office.

Hank, can I count on you

to keep things on track
at Strickland?

You know, with the fun and such?

I guarantee it.

JOE JACK:
There's your pomegranate, honey.

You're right, Hank.

This bonfire is fun.

Yup, and you know
what's gonna be even more fun?

Getting back to work.

JOE JACK:
He wants you
to bring him some pants.