Green Acres (1965–1971): Season 2, Episode 7 - The Good Old Days - full transcript
Oliver describes to Lisa the book he's reading, hoping she'll have a greater appreciation of being a farm wife. Set on the frontier in 1887, poor farmer Gus Thompson and his mail-order bride Etta clear the land, start a farm from scratch, and have 25 children.
♪ Green acres
is the place to be ♪
♪ farm livin'
is the life for me ♪
♪ land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪
♪ keep Manhattan,
just give me
that countryside ♪
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay ♪
♪ I get allergic
smelling hay ♪
♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪
♪ darling, I love you,
but give me park Avenue ♪
♪ the chores ♪
♪ the stores ♪
♪ fresh air ♪
♪ Times Square ♪
♪ you are my wife ♪
♪ goodbye, city life ♪
♪ green acres,
we are there ♪
(Lisa)
My darling?
Hm?
Could you fix
the t.V. Set, please?
Um, h-honey, I'm reading.
Well, I haven't got
anything to do.
I don't know anything
about a t.V. Set.
Oh.
Well,
can I sit down here?
Uh, yes, yes, sit down.
What are you reading?
Uh, 40 years a farmer.
Oh.
What are you doing?
Watching you read.
You know,
it might be a good idea
for you to read this book.
You need a haircut.
Uh-hm?
Want me to give you one?
This is a story about 2 people
who work together to build
a farm out of the wilderness.
It tells something about
what farm life was like
in the 1800s.
The smell of bread
baking in the oven,
the flickering of
the kerosene lamps,
and the root cellars
filled with
potatoes and turnips--
you ever think of
growing a mustache?
It would help you understand
what makes a good farm wife.
What does?
Well, Mr. Thompson lists
a few things here
that a farmer
should look for in a wife.
She should be strong of limb,
have good wind,
large hands, and sturdy legs.
If that's what you wanted,
you should have married
my father.
No, really,
this should interest you
because you and Mrs. Thompson
have something in common:
You both came from Hungary.
Where is that?
Where you were born.
I was born
on park Avenue.
Then where did you get
that accent?
What accent?
That Hungarian accent.
Oh, that. Well,
when I was a little child,
my mother sent me to
a Hungarian accent school.
Well, etta Thompson
brought hers over with her.
Oh. Did she come over
with Mr. Thompson?
Oh, no. No, no. He came over
when he was about 15.
And he homesteaded
a section of land in Kansas.
Then he sent for Gladys,
his childhood sweetheart.
A lot of farmers did that.
They all sent for Gladys?
No.
I thought her name
was etta.
It was, but you see,
a lot of the farmers
were immigrants.
And they sent for
their childhood sweethearts
because there weren't
many women in America.
You want to hear this story?
You sure you can't fix
the t.V. Set?
No, no, I can't.
Well, go ahead.
All right.
In 1887,
Gus Thompson sent
Gladys schwabbakker
a ticket to come to America.
I thought her name
was etta Thompson.
Uh, yeah, I'm coming to that.
Now, now please listen.
Here's a...
Here's a picture
of the stagecoach
that brought her to
silo corner, Kansas.
Hey, Gus,
how long has it been
since you saw Gladys?
15 years.
It's been 10 years
since I saw my Greta.
[Whistles]
Pretty soon,
we both be married, eh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Good luck, Gus.
Good luck, olaf.
The stage is coming!
[Olaf cheering]
[All gasping]
[All groaning]
That stupid driver,
why didn't he...
That...
[All clamoring]
(Olaf)
Greta?
[Olaf chuckling]
(Olaf)
Hey, Greta,
where are you?
[All exclaiming]
(Olaf)
Greta!
[Both laughing]
(Greta)
Olaf!
Come on, now,
we go get married.
(Olaf)
Fellows, the preacher's got
a special on weddings today.
Gladys!
(Olaf)
Follow me.
[Men laughing]
Hey, driver, I was expecting
a Gladys schwabbakker.
Did she--
[driver yells]
[Horses galloping]
Hey, you stupid knucklehead!
Where's Gladys?
"My name is etta drekny."
So is mine.
No, no, I was just
reading it here.
My teeth don't
have to be fixed.
Was Gladys schwabbakker
on that stage?
No.
You sure?
Yes. She's my cousin.
Well, where is she?
She couldn't come,
she had a baby.
A baby?
Her 6th.
She's married.
I should hope so.
Why didn't she write
and tell me?
She didn't want
to hurt your feelings.
Well, that's
very nice of her.
I sent her a ticket
to come over here,
I expected
to get married today,
I'm all shaved.
She sent me
to take her place.
You?
My teeth don't
have to be fixed.
Well, bully for you
and your choppers.
Not only that.
I've got strong limbs,
good wind,
large hands, and sturdy legs.
You want to see?
No, no!
This is a public street.
Look, you'd better wait
for the next stage
and go back to wherever
it was you came from.
[Crying]
What are you crying about?
You don't like me.
Well, you're all right,
but you...
Look, here's a quarter.
Get yourself a bottle of wine
and a hot buffalo steak
and don't miss the stage.
When does it come?
Next week.
Where am I going to stay?
Well, I...
Well, I can't stand here
a whole week.
Well,
all right, you can stay
at my farm. Come on.
You're going the wrong way.
My farm is this way.
The preacher is that way.
I didn't say I'd marry you!
Exactly what
did you have in mind?
Nothing.
You want to stand here
for a week, go ahead.
[Crying]
Wait a minute,
marry... that's...
I just met you.
I haven't even kissed you.
Would you like to?
Oh...
The preacher is that way.
Well, all right,
it's better than nothing.
I can't wait another 15 years.
Maybe you would make
a good wife.
You know, you look like
you could shoe a horse,
pitch hay, plow,
carry water.
Gladys said
you were romantical.
All right, come on,
we got a long ride.
What's the matter?
Oh, I keep forgetting,
the preacher.
Yeah, just because my teeth
don't have to be fixed,
doesn't mean
that I am dumb.
[Bells jingling]
Whoa!
Well, thanks
for the ride, olaf.
Good luck.
May all your troubles
be little ones.
[Both laughing]
Giddap.
Well, here we are,
Mrs. Thompson.
Who? Oh!
Here's our farm.
Where is the house?
Oh, it's not built yet.
Got to clear the land,
chop down the trees.
That reminds me, I've got
a wedding present for you.
This is
my wedding present?
Uh-huh.
Diamond Jim nothing.
Oh, it's not easy
to be a farmer's wife.
We're going to have to
clear this land together.
Here now, you start
chopping down at that end,
and I'll start
chopping up at this end.
Uh, this is our honeymoon.
Couldn't we chop
a little closer together?
Oh.
I'm glad Gladys schwabbakker
didn't show up.
Are you?
Yes, we're going to do
all right together.
We're gonna clear the land,
build a house,
plant the crops,
raise a family.
Family of what?
Children.
15 of them. 20 of them.
You chop there
and I'll chop there.
Etta, you do want children,
don't you?
Sure. We're going
to have one next week.
What?
Gladys is going to send us
one of hers
for a wedding present.
Why don't you just
start chopping, will you?
[Spitting]
You may have good teeth,
but you ought to have
your eyes examined.
Well, I'm not so good
with an axe.
Well, how are you with a saw?
Oh, I'm good.
All right, let's see.
Take a hold over there.
All right, come on,
come on, let's go now.
Come on! You gotta put
your back into it!
[Groans]
That seemed to work
pretty good.
I put my back into it
and you put
your nose into it.
I'm gonna get you.
I'm going to...
[Etta laughing]
(Oliver)
Gus and etta
chopped down the trees
and they built themselves
a small farmhouse.
And they cleared the land,
and Gus started his plowing.
Giddap!
Come on, giddap!
Well, I'm doing
the best I can.
Why don't you get a horse?
I'm saving up for one.
I've already got $8.
[Bell clanging]
What's that?
Sounds like a peddler.
I got buckets and pails
and hammers and nails.
What'll you have?
[Metal clanking]
Howdy, I'm, uh,
prentiss the peddler.
How do you do?
Mind if I give your daughter
a lollipop?
She's not my daughter,
she's my wife.
May I congratulate you
on having
one of the most beautiful
child brides in the county?
Gus, buy lots of stuff
from him.
We don't need--
I've got merchandise
from all over the world.
Now this here is from India.
An elephant tusk polisher.
Used daily in
the elephant stables
of his highness,
the majaroger.
We don't have an elephant,
we're just
simple country folk.
don't apologize.
Now here's something
from england.
It's a king George
cricket bat.
No, thanks.
How about this?
Here's something
that no self-respecting
German hausfrau
should be without.
It's a genuine
pigs knuckle scraper.
Do you have
any work shoes
that won't wear out?
What size?
Uh, 11 and a half.
[Birds chirping]
How are these?
How much are they?
$1.50.
Try 'em on.
I don't want them.
Well you can't go on
working in the fields
in your bare feet.
Instead of this
could I have that?
Well, I'll say
the little lady
sure has good taste.
That there's
the latest model
from Paris, France.
Only $12.
$12?
[Screaming]
Oh, stop yowling!
Well, it seems like
the little lady
has her heart set on it.
Shall we say,
uh, $10?
No!
[Crying]
$8, and that's
my bottom yowl.
don't you want me
to look pretty?
Oh, I...
Of course he does.
That'll be $8, and
I'll throw in the shoes.
That's my horse money.
Oh, you play
the horses?
No wonder
you only got $8 left.
My plow horse.
Oh, I don't mind
pulling the plow.
No, I don't want--
well, you didn't have
to fix my teeth.
Will you stop
throwing that up to me?
Now you got the dress.
Thank you, Gus.
You're a good man.
You made me very happy.
(Prentiss)
See you next spring, folks.
[Rattling]
(Oliver)
Gus plowed his fields
and planted his corn.
It grew tall and strong.
Then one day,
it was ready for harvesting.
Well, giddap, giddap!
Oh!
Why are you going
so slow?
I am doing the best I can.
Why don't you get a horse?
I haven't got enough money.
I've only saved $3.
If you hadn't made me
buy that dress...
And why are you wearing
the dress in the fields?
I like it.
And why aren't you wearing
these shoes?
They're part of the ensemble.
Oh.
(Oliver)
When the harvest was in,
etta turned her attention
to canning and preserving
the fruits and vegetables
which came from
their very own soil.
The kitchen was filled
with wonderful smells
of cooking.
Ooh.
Oh, hello, olaf.
Hello, Gladys.
Etta.
What has happened to Gladys?
She never came.
That's right.
You took her place.
[Laughing]
Oh, that smells good.
(Olaf)
Bread.
Would you like to have a loaf?
Oh, yeah.
[Groans]
It's hot.
You know what I got?
A steam tractor
what can pull 3 plows!
Where's Gus?
I want to tell him.
He's out,
looking for a good $3 horse.
Well, anyway, I come over
to invite you and him
to our place tonight.
We're going to have
a square dance
and a corn husking bee.
♪[Fiddle playing]
[Exclaiming]
[All laughing]
Ok, folks, ok.
We get back to dancing later.
Right now we have
the husking bee.
[All exclaiming]
Remember the rules:
The one who husks
the most corn wins.
That's a cheap way of getting
your corn husked, olaf.
[Chuckling]
That's the idea.
And don't forget
what happens.
Anybody finds a red ear--
what happens?
The man who finds a red ear
gets to kiss
the lady of his choice.
[All cheering]
Good luck
with your red ear, Gus.
(Olaf)
On your mark, get set, go!
There's the first red ear!
[All exclaiming]
Start husking.
There, there's another ear!
[All exclaiming]
What's the matter with you?
I haven't found one yet!
Well, go to work!
(Olaf)
Start husking.
Got one!
[All cheering]
Everybody got
a red ear of corn
but you.
I don't know
what's the matter.
You don't want to kiss me!
Of course I do.
Here, here.
What?
That wouldn't be fair.
No, that's cheating.
Cheating is all right
as long as it's
with your own wife.
No, no--
hey, Gus has one.
No, no, no--
[all cheering]
Etta brought this with her.
Who's asking you?
No, that wouldn't
be right.
Go on, kiss her.
[Woman screams]
Who are you pushing?
You!
Well, don't do it.
Who's going to stop me?
I am!
Yeah?
[All exclaiming]
Oh, that's the way
it's going to be!
[All exclaiming]
[All exclaiming]
How does it feel, Gus?
Fine, fine. What is this?
Next Sunday's pot roast,
but you need it more.
Etta.
Fine way to act
for a fellow
in my condition.
What are you talking about?
You're going
to be a father.
Of what?
A father?
You mean...
Yes.
Oh, here, lie down.
I'm all right.
No, no, no, no, I want you
to take care of yourself.
No more chopping wood.
Uh, just enough
for the kitchen stove.
And no more plowing all day.
Knock off at lunch time.
Oh, Gus,
you're so good to me.
Gus! Gus!
Oh, what's the matter?
The stork is on its way.
The stork?
Oh, he's going to have
a hard time on a night like...
The stork!
Get the doctor! No, no,
I'll get the doctor!
You boil some water!
No, no, I'll boil the water!
You get the doctor!
I'll get the horse.
We haven't got a horse!
You made me buy
that stupid dress instead.
No, no, be calm,
I'll get the doctor.
don't worry,
we'll boil some water.
Will you get the doctor?
I'm getting the doctor.
I just don't want to leave you
on a night like this.
Will you please
get the doctor?
Be calm,
you'll be all right now.
Gus, will you--
i want to thank you.
You don't know
what this means to me.
Please, get the--
i want to thank you personally
I'll get...
Yes, I'll get the doctor.
Why, for the first time,
i wish he had married
Gladys schwabbakker.
(Oliver)
That night,
Gus Thompson, junior was born.
And a year later,
Gus had to trudge into town
to get the doctor
for the arrival of Herbert.
And a year later,
he went to fetch the doctor
for eunice.
And the following year,
for clive.
All in all,
Gus made the trip into town
7 times.
And as their family grew,
so did their farm.
Gus grew wheat, corn,
he had a prize dairy herd.
The farm was a show place.
And then one day,
disaster struck.
The kleine river overflowed
and submerged
the surrounding countryside.
Including Gus' farm.
Here, we'll be safe up here.
There goes our house.
And our barn.
There goes olaf's place.
And the post office.
And the general store.
Well, this is what
you always wanted, Gus.
To sit on a hilltop and watch
the rest of the world go by.
Mom, dad,
are you all right?
Fine, junior. Where are
your brothers and sisters?
They're safe.
They appointed me
spokesman chairman.
Of what?
The "let's desert
the sinking ship" committee.
What' s that?
Well, mom, dad,
since the flood wiped out
the whole farm,
all us kids figured
we'd go to the city
and make our fortune
and then
we'd send for you.
Oh, that's very nice, junior,
but don't worry about us.
Go, my boy
and take our blessings
with you.
Gee, thanks, dad.
But don't take the rowboat!
Etta, you want
to go with them?
No.
But there's nothing left.
No farm, no children.
Then we start
all over again.
(Oliver)
And they did.
A year later,
Gus went for the doctor.
They named the baby gomer.
Next one was named Mildred.
Then Duncan.
All in all,
Gus made 15 more trips
into town.
The years passed.
Gus!
Gus!
(Gus)
Oh, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
Gus?
Yeah?
Will you run into town
and get the doctor?
What?
Remind him he's coming
for supper tonight.
You shook me up.
[Gus exclaims]
It's kind of lonesome here
with the children
married and gone.
Mmm, just the two of us.
Like when we started.
Remember the axe you gave me
for a wedding present?
Oh, oh, yes.
And the first tree
we sawed down together?
You broke my nose.
I still have trouble
breathing, you know.
[Snorts]
Do you ever regret
that it was me who showed up
instead of
Gladys schwabbakker?
Not as much
as I used to.
Little joke.
[Laughs]
You ever-- you ever sorry
you married me?
No.
You know,
hmm?
Someday,
i am going to write a book
about our 40 years
on the farm together.
Oh?
And tell everyone
how happy we were.
Ah.
And advise every young girl
who has strong limbs,
good wind, large hands,
and sturdy legs
to marry a farmer.
Well?
Well, what?
Well, didn't you get anything
out of this story?
I know what you're trying
to make me do.
Chop wood
or--or pull a plow.
No, I don't want you to be
like her, etta, uh, Gladys,
i mean, uh, Lisa.
I just thought it might
help you appreciate how
wonderful farm life can be.
Oliver, some women
are cut out
to be farm wives,
and some aren't.
And this is Mrs. aren't
bidding you good night.
[Door closing]
Lisa, i--
shh, I'm reading.
Oh.
This is a book about this girl
who came over on a boat,
then got on a train
and went to Kansas City,
then on a stagecoach,
but she never got off
anywhere, she went
all the way to Hollywood.
All right.
There,
this producer discovered her
and made her a big star
and they got married.
They had 15 children.
All his.
He was married before.
Very funny.
Lisa, I told you a true story
about something that--
[rustling]
Well, a red ear of corn.
It's not only red.
It's got, uh, yellow kernels,
and blue kernels,
and green kernels,
and purple kernels.
Well, Gus, it looks like
you hit the jackpot.
(Lisa)
This has been a filmways
presentation, darling.
is the place to be ♪
♪ farm livin'
is the life for me ♪
♪ land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪
♪ keep Manhattan,
just give me
that countryside ♪
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay ♪
♪ I get allergic
smelling hay ♪
♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪
♪ darling, I love you,
but give me park Avenue ♪
♪ the chores ♪
♪ the stores ♪
♪ fresh air ♪
♪ Times Square ♪
♪ you are my wife ♪
♪ goodbye, city life ♪
♪ green acres,
we are there ♪
(Lisa)
My darling?
Hm?
Could you fix
the t.V. Set, please?
Um, h-honey, I'm reading.
Well, I haven't got
anything to do.
I don't know anything
about a t.V. Set.
Oh.
Well,
can I sit down here?
Uh, yes, yes, sit down.
What are you reading?
Uh, 40 years a farmer.
Oh.
What are you doing?
Watching you read.
You know,
it might be a good idea
for you to read this book.
You need a haircut.
Uh-hm?
Want me to give you one?
This is a story about 2 people
who work together to build
a farm out of the wilderness.
It tells something about
what farm life was like
in the 1800s.
The smell of bread
baking in the oven,
the flickering of
the kerosene lamps,
and the root cellars
filled with
potatoes and turnips--
you ever think of
growing a mustache?
It would help you understand
what makes a good farm wife.
What does?
Well, Mr. Thompson lists
a few things here
that a farmer
should look for in a wife.
She should be strong of limb,
have good wind,
large hands, and sturdy legs.
If that's what you wanted,
you should have married
my father.
No, really,
this should interest you
because you and Mrs. Thompson
have something in common:
You both came from Hungary.
Where is that?
Where you were born.
I was born
on park Avenue.
Then where did you get
that accent?
What accent?
That Hungarian accent.
Oh, that. Well,
when I was a little child,
my mother sent me to
a Hungarian accent school.
Well, etta Thompson
brought hers over with her.
Oh. Did she come over
with Mr. Thompson?
Oh, no. No, no. He came over
when he was about 15.
And he homesteaded
a section of land in Kansas.
Then he sent for Gladys,
his childhood sweetheart.
A lot of farmers did that.
They all sent for Gladys?
No.
I thought her name
was etta.
It was, but you see,
a lot of the farmers
were immigrants.
And they sent for
their childhood sweethearts
because there weren't
many women in America.
You want to hear this story?
You sure you can't fix
the t.V. Set?
No, no, I can't.
Well, go ahead.
All right.
In 1887,
Gus Thompson sent
Gladys schwabbakker
a ticket to come to America.
I thought her name
was etta Thompson.
Uh, yeah, I'm coming to that.
Now, now please listen.
Here's a...
Here's a picture
of the stagecoach
that brought her to
silo corner, Kansas.
Hey, Gus,
how long has it been
since you saw Gladys?
15 years.
It's been 10 years
since I saw my Greta.
[Whistles]
Pretty soon,
we both be married, eh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Good luck, Gus.
Good luck, olaf.
The stage is coming!
[Olaf cheering]
[All gasping]
[All groaning]
That stupid driver,
why didn't he...
That...
[All clamoring]
(Olaf)
Greta?
[Olaf chuckling]
(Olaf)
Hey, Greta,
where are you?
[All exclaiming]
(Olaf)
Greta!
[Both laughing]
(Greta)
Olaf!
Come on, now,
we go get married.
(Olaf)
Fellows, the preacher's got
a special on weddings today.
Gladys!
(Olaf)
Follow me.
[Men laughing]
Hey, driver, I was expecting
a Gladys schwabbakker.
Did she--
[driver yells]
[Horses galloping]
Hey, you stupid knucklehead!
Where's Gladys?
"My name is etta drekny."
So is mine.
No, no, I was just
reading it here.
My teeth don't
have to be fixed.
Was Gladys schwabbakker
on that stage?
No.
You sure?
Yes. She's my cousin.
Well, where is she?
She couldn't come,
she had a baby.
A baby?
Her 6th.
She's married.
I should hope so.
Why didn't she write
and tell me?
She didn't want
to hurt your feelings.
Well, that's
very nice of her.
I sent her a ticket
to come over here,
I expected
to get married today,
I'm all shaved.
She sent me
to take her place.
You?
My teeth don't
have to be fixed.
Well, bully for you
and your choppers.
Not only that.
I've got strong limbs,
good wind,
large hands, and sturdy legs.
You want to see?
No, no!
This is a public street.
Look, you'd better wait
for the next stage
and go back to wherever
it was you came from.
[Crying]
What are you crying about?
You don't like me.
Well, you're all right,
but you...
Look, here's a quarter.
Get yourself a bottle of wine
and a hot buffalo steak
and don't miss the stage.
When does it come?
Next week.
Where am I going to stay?
Well, I...
Well, I can't stand here
a whole week.
Well,
all right, you can stay
at my farm. Come on.
You're going the wrong way.
My farm is this way.
The preacher is that way.
I didn't say I'd marry you!
Exactly what
did you have in mind?
Nothing.
You want to stand here
for a week, go ahead.
[Crying]
Wait a minute,
marry... that's...
I just met you.
I haven't even kissed you.
Would you like to?
Oh...
The preacher is that way.
Well, all right,
it's better than nothing.
I can't wait another 15 years.
Maybe you would make
a good wife.
You know, you look like
you could shoe a horse,
pitch hay, plow,
carry water.
Gladys said
you were romantical.
All right, come on,
we got a long ride.
What's the matter?
Oh, I keep forgetting,
the preacher.
Yeah, just because my teeth
don't have to be fixed,
doesn't mean
that I am dumb.
[Bells jingling]
Whoa!
Well, thanks
for the ride, olaf.
Good luck.
May all your troubles
be little ones.
[Both laughing]
Giddap.
Well, here we are,
Mrs. Thompson.
Who? Oh!
Here's our farm.
Where is the house?
Oh, it's not built yet.
Got to clear the land,
chop down the trees.
That reminds me, I've got
a wedding present for you.
This is
my wedding present?
Uh-huh.
Diamond Jim nothing.
Oh, it's not easy
to be a farmer's wife.
We're going to have to
clear this land together.
Here now, you start
chopping down at that end,
and I'll start
chopping up at this end.
Uh, this is our honeymoon.
Couldn't we chop
a little closer together?
Oh.
I'm glad Gladys schwabbakker
didn't show up.
Are you?
Yes, we're going to do
all right together.
We're gonna clear the land,
build a house,
plant the crops,
raise a family.
Family of what?
Children.
15 of them. 20 of them.
You chop there
and I'll chop there.
Etta, you do want children,
don't you?
Sure. We're going
to have one next week.
What?
Gladys is going to send us
one of hers
for a wedding present.
Why don't you just
start chopping, will you?
[Spitting]
You may have good teeth,
but you ought to have
your eyes examined.
Well, I'm not so good
with an axe.
Well, how are you with a saw?
Oh, I'm good.
All right, let's see.
Take a hold over there.
All right, come on,
come on, let's go now.
Come on! You gotta put
your back into it!
[Groans]
That seemed to work
pretty good.
I put my back into it
and you put
your nose into it.
I'm gonna get you.
I'm going to...
[Etta laughing]
(Oliver)
Gus and etta
chopped down the trees
and they built themselves
a small farmhouse.
And they cleared the land,
and Gus started his plowing.
Giddap!
Come on, giddap!
Well, I'm doing
the best I can.
Why don't you get a horse?
I'm saving up for one.
I've already got $8.
[Bell clanging]
What's that?
Sounds like a peddler.
I got buckets and pails
and hammers and nails.
What'll you have?
[Metal clanking]
Howdy, I'm, uh,
prentiss the peddler.
How do you do?
Mind if I give your daughter
a lollipop?
She's not my daughter,
she's my wife.
May I congratulate you
on having
one of the most beautiful
child brides in the county?
Gus, buy lots of stuff
from him.
We don't need--
I've got merchandise
from all over the world.
Now this here is from India.
An elephant tusk polisher.
Used daily in
the elephant stables
of his highness,
the majaroger.
We don't have an elephant,
we're just
simple country folk.
don't apologize.
Now here's something
from england.
It's a king George
cricket bat.
No, thanks.
How about this?
Here's something
that no self-respecting
German hausfrau
should be without.
It's a genuine
pigs knuckle scraper.
Do you have
any work shoes
that won't wear out?
What size?
Uh, 11 and a half.
[Birds chirping]
How are these?
How much are they?
$1.50.
Try 'em on.
I don't want them.
Well you can't go on
working in the fields
in your bare feet.
Instead of this
could I have that?
Well, I'll say
the little lady
sure has good taste.
That there's
the latest model
from Paris, France.
Only $12.
$12?
[Screaming]
Oh, stop yowling!
Well, it seems like
the little lady
has her heart set on it.
Shall we say,
uh, $10?
No!
[Crying]
$8, and that's
my bottom yowl.
don't you want me
to look pretty?
Oh, I...
Of course he does.
That'll be $8, and
I'll throw in the shoes.
That's my horse money.
Oh, you play
the horses?
No wonder
you only got $8 left.
My plow horse.
Oh, I don't mind
pulling the plow.
No, I don't want--
well, you didn't have
to fix my teeth.
Will you stop
throwing that up to me?
Now you got the dress.
Thank you, Gus.
You're a good man.
You made me very happy.
(Prentiss)
See you next spring, folks.
[Rattling]
(Oliver)
Gus plowed his fields
and planted his corn.
It grew tall and strong.
Then one day,
it was ready for harvesting.
Well, giddap, giddap!
Oh!
Why are you going
so slow?
I am doing the best I can.
Why don't you get a horse?
I haven't got enough money.
I've only saved $3.
If you hadn't made me
buy that dress...
And why are you wearing
the dress in the fields?
I like it.
And why aren't you wearing
these shoes?
They're part of the ensemble.
Oh.
(Oliver)
When the harvest was in,
etta turned her attention
to canning and preserving
the fruits and vegetables
which came from
their very own soil.
The kitchen was filled
with wonderful smells
of cooking.
Ooh.
Oh, hello, olaf.
Hello, Gladys.
Etta.
What has happened to Gladys?
She never came.
That's right.
You took her place.
[Laughing]
Oh, that smells good.
(Olaf)
Bread.
Would you like to have a loaf?
Oh, yeah.
[Groans]
It's hot.
You know what I got?
A steam tractor
what can pull 3 plows!
Where's Gus?
I want to tell him.
He's out,
looking for a good $3 horse.
Well, anyway, I come over
to invite you and him
to our place tonight.
We're going to have
a square dance
and a corn husking bee.
♪[Fiddle playing]
[Exclaiming]
[All laughing]
Ok, folks, ok.
We get back to dancing later.
Right now we have
the husking bee.
[All exclaiming]
Remember the rules:
The one who husks
the most corn wins.
That's a cheap way of getting
your corn husked, olaf.
[Chuckling]
That's the idea.
And don't forget
what happens.
Anybody finds a red ear--
what happens?
The man who finds a red ear
gets to kiss
the lady of his choice.
[All cheering]
Good luck
with your red ear, Gus.
(Olaf)
On your mark, get set, go!
There's the first red ear!
[All exclaiming]
Start husking.
There, there's another ear!
[All exclaiming]
What's the matter with you?
I haven't found one yet!
Well, go to work!
(Olaf)
Start husking.
Got one!
[All cheering]
Everybody got
a red ear of corn
but you.
I don't know
what's the matter.
You don't want to kiss me!
Of course I do.
Here, here.
What?
That wouldn't be fair.
No, that's cheating.
Cheating is all right
as long as it's
with your own wife.
No, no--
hey, Gus has one.
No, no, no--
[all cheering]
Etta brought this with her.
Who's asking you?
No, that wouldn't
be right.
Go on, kiss her.
[Woman screams]
Who are you pushing?
You!
Well, don't do it.
Who's going to stop me?
I am!
Yeah?
[All exclaiming]
Oh, that's the way
it's going to be!
[All exclaiming]
[All exclaiming]
How does it feel, Gus?
Fine, fine. What is this?
Next Sunday's pot roast,
but you need it more.
Etta.
Fine way to act
for a fellow
in my condition.
What are you talking about?
You're going
to be a father.
Of what?
A father?
You mean...
Yes.
Oh, here, lie down.
I'm all right.
No, no, no, no, I want you
to take care of yourself.
No more chopping wood.
Uh, just enough
for the kitchen stove.
And no more plowing all day.
Knock off at lunch time.
Oh, Gus,
you're so good to me.
Gus! Gus!
Oh, what's the matter?
The stork is on its way.
The stork?
Oh, he's going to have
a hard time on a night like...
The stork!
Get the doctor! No, no,
I'll get the doctor!
You boil some water!
No, no, I'll boil the water!
You get the doctor!
I'll get the horse.
We haven't got a horse!
You made me buy
that stupid dress instead.
No, no, be calm,
I'll get the doctor.
don't worry,
we'll boil some water.
Will you get the doctor?
I'm getting the doctor.
I just don't want to leave you
on a night like this.
Will you please
get the doctor?
Be calm,
you'll be all right now.
Gus, will you--
i want to thank you.
You don't know
what this means to me.
Please, get the--
i want to thank you personally
I'll get...
Yes, I'll get the doctor.
Why, for the first time,
i wish he had married
Gladys schwabbakker.
(Oliver)
That night,
Gus Thompson, junior was born.
And a year later,
Gus had to trudge into town
to get the doctor
for the arrival of Herbert.
And a year later,
he went to fetch the doctor
for eunice.
And the following year,
for clive.
All in all,
Gus made the trip into town
7 times.
And as their family grew,
so did their farm.
Gus grew wheat, corn,
he had a prize dairy herd.
The farm was a show place.
And then one day,
disaster struck.
The kleine river overflowed
and submerged
the surrounding countryside.
Including Gus' farm.
Here, we'll be safe up here.
There goes our house.
And our barn.
There goes olaf's place.
And the post office.
And the general store.
Well, this is what
you always wanted, Gus.
To sit on a hilltop and watch
the rest of the world go by.
Mom, dad,
are you all right?
Fine, junior. Where are
your brothers and sisters?
They're safe.
They appointed me
spokesman chairman.
Of what?
The "let's desert
the sinking ship" committee.
What' s that?
Well, mom, dad,
since the flood wiped out
the whole farm,
all us kids figured
we'd go to the city
and make our fortune
and then
we'd send for you.
Oh, that's very nice, junior,
but don't worry about us.
Go, my boy
and take our blessings
with you.
Gee, thanks, dad.
But don't take the rowboat!
Etta, you want
to go with them?
No.
But there's nothing left.
No farm, no children.
Then we start
all over again.
(Oliver)
And they did.
A year later,
Gus went for the doctor.
They named the baby gomer.
Next one was named Mildred.
Then Duncan.
All in all,
Gus made 15 more trips
into town.
The years passed.
Gus!
Gus!
(Gus)
Oh, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
Gus?
Yeah?
Will you run into town
and get the doctor?
What?
Remind him he's coming
for supper tonight.
You shook me up.
[Gus exclaims]
It's kind of lonesome here
with the children
married and gone.
Mmm, just the two of us.
Like when we started.
Remember the axe you gave me
for a wedding present?
Oh, oh, yes.
And the first tree
we sawed down together?
You broke my nose.
I still have trouble
breathing, you know.
[Snorts]
Do you ever regret
that it was me who showed up
instead of
Gladys schwabbakker?
Not as much
as I used to.
Little joke.
[Laughs]
You ever-- you ever sorry
you married me?
No.
You know,
hmm?
Someday,
i am going to write a book
about our 40 years
on the farm together.
Oh?
And tell everyone
how happy we were.
Ah.
And advise every young girl
who has strong limbs,
good wind, large hands,
and sturdy legs
to marry a farmer.
Well?
Well, what?
Well, didn't you get anything
out of this story?
I know what you're trying
to make me do.
Chop wood
or--or pull a plow.
No, I don't want you to be
like her, etta, uh, Gladys,
i mean, uh, Lisa.
I just thought it might
help you appreciate how
wonderful farm life can be.
Oliver, some women
are cut out
to be farm wives,
and some aren't.
And this is Mrs. aren't
bidding you good night.
[Door closing]
Lisa, i--
shh, I'm reading.
Oh.
This is a book about this girl
who came over on a boat,
then got on a train
and went to Kansas City,
then on a stagecoach,
but she never got off
anywhere, she went
all the way to Hollywood.
All right.
There,
this producer discovered her
and made her a big star
and they got married.
They had 15 children.
All his.
He was married before.
Very funny.
Lisa, I told you a true story
about something that--
[rustling]
Well, a red ear of corn.
It's not only red.
It's got, uh, yellow kernels,
and blue kernels,
and green kernels,
and purple kernels.
Well, Gus, it looks like
you hit the jackpot.
(Lisa)
This has been a filmways
presentation, darling.