Green Acres (1965–1971): Season 2, Episode 2 - Water, Water Everywhere - full transcript
Short on water, Mr. Haney contracts Willie the Well-Witcher to find a new spot to dig a well. But once Mr. Haney gets water, the Douglases lose theirs. After Willie witches a new well for Oliver, the Ziffles' water dries up. After a few more rounds of this, Oliver suggests the valley get its water from a reservoir. That idea sounds great, until the valves are opened.
♪ Green acres
is the place to be ♪
♪ farm livin'
is the life for me ♪
♪ land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪
♪ keep Manhattan,
just give me
that countryside ♪
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay ♪
♪ I get allergic
smelling hay ♪
♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪
♪ darling, I love you,
but give me park Avenue ♪
♪ the chores ♪
♪ the stores ♪
♪ fresh air ♪
♪ Times Square ♪
♪ you are my wife ♪
♪ goodbye, city life ♪
♪ green acres,
we are there ♪
Can I take my shower
yet, Willie?
Not yet, haney.
I ain't finished connecting
the pipe to the pump.
Are you sure
there's water there?
Since my other well
run dry, I just...
Look.
[Twanging]
That ain't moxie
down there.
You better be right.
Look, I didn't make
my reputation
witchin' up
dust holes.
It won't be more
than a half-hour
before you'll be
a-singin',
a-soapin',
and a-showerin'.
Darling, are you ready
for breakfast?
No, I haven't taken
my shower yet.
Oh, well, how would you
like to have your hot cakes?
In a restaurant.
Oh, it's going to be
one of those days,
when you wake up
in the morning being nasty,
then as the day goes on
you get worse,
then at night
you want to kiss and make up.
And what's wrong with that?
Couldn't we start
the morning with the make up?
All right.
We're friends?
What else could we be
with a kiss like that?
Lisa, be a good girl now,
and when I yell,
you turn the water on.
Oh, how about breakfast?
Why I was hoping you'd
forgotten that.
You're asking
for another make up.
Lisa, turn the water on
when I yell.
Eb!
Morning, Mr. Douglas.
What do you think
you're doing?
I'm gonna take a shower.
I was here first.
Got any witnesses?
Out!
That's the trouble
with you Americans,
you come to a foreign country
and you think you own it.
Out!
Lisa!
Turn on the water.
Ok to turn on
the water, Willie?
(Willie)
Let her go.
Lisa.
Lisa?
What's the matter?
What did you turn
the water off for?
I didn't turn it off,
it turned off
in the kitchen, too.
Maybe it's the pump.
Mr. haney had trouble
with it once.
Oh!
Where is it?
Somewhere under the house.
You know where?
Nope.
Mr. haney was very
closed-mouthed
about his pump.
Well, gotta crawl underneath
and find it.
Eb, where are you?
Over here, I think
i see the pump.
Oh, I'll be right there.
Mr. Douglas,
don't touch that timber.
It holds up
the fireplace.
I found that out.
[Grunting]
The pump's going.
Yes.
It doesn't sound right.
What's this?
It's sucking dust.
[Spitting]
Now why should it
do that?
I guess your well's
run dry.
Where did
all the water go?
♪ Oh, a-soapin'
and a-singin' ♪
♪ and a-showerin'
all the day ♪
Good morning,
Mr. drucker.
Oh, morning,
Mr. Douglas.
I wanted to ask you--
say, I got something here
that might interest you.
Well i--
did you ever think
of irrigating your crops?
Yeah, yes, I have,
but this morning--
then I got just
what you need.
The sensational new
spritzer-spray needle nozzle.
Now that nozzle will soak
anything in a radius of...
You don't look
too happy.
I'm not.
Then I recommend
a spritzer-spray
to brighten your day.
That's not their motto,
i just made that up.
Mr. drucker,
I can't do
any spritzing.
This morning,
my well dried up.
Oh, I'll be doggone.
There must be
an epidemic. Hmm.
Haney's well went
dry last week.
It did?
Morning, Mr. Douglas, Sam.
Haney.
Oh, how're you, Mr. haney.
Just fine.
Spritzer-sprays.
Hey, I'll take
8 of 'em.
I thought
your well dried up.
Yes, it did.
And, Sam, I'll need 600 feet
of irrigation pipe.
What are you
using for water?
Water.
Where're
you getting it?
From my new well.
Willie the witcher
witched me up a real gusher.
Willie the--
oh, you ought to get
in touch with him,
Mr. Douglas.
Mr. Douglas' well
ran dry.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear
about that.
I'll tell you what.
Any time you wanna,
you come over and borrow
a glass of water,
or take a shower,
and there's no charge.
Except a small rental
for the glass, soap,
and towel.
Yeah I, uh--
how much water are you gettin'
out of your new well, haney?
Plenty.
Kind of reminds me
of all the water I used
to get from the well
on that beautiful farm
i sold you
at such a great loss.
A great loss.
He made more--
that Willie is the greatest
well witcher in the world.
He knew to the second
when the well
would start runnin'.
At 7:30 on the dot
I turned on the shower
and the water
just poured out--
and mine stopped.
You've got my water.
Can you identify it?
No, I can't,
but it's obvious.
If my water stopped flowing
at the very moment
yours started,
you've tapped
my water supply.
That happens all the time
all over the valley.
One fella starts pumpin',
the other fella's well
starts dryin' up.
Well, that doesn't
sound right.
There must be some law
about water rights.
Oh, there is. I--i got it
right in a book here.
Find it here.
Here it-- here it is.
It's the water rights code,
as amended in 1912.
"If the party
of the first part
digs a well,
"cuttin' off the water of
the party of the 2nd part,
"the water becomes
the property of the party
of the first part,
"and the party of the 2nd part
is hereby deemed not to have
a leg to stand on."
That's the code.
Well, that's pretty
high-handed.
Yeah, it's known as
the high-handed code.
Yes, but--
as amended in 1912.
Uh, let me know
when the pipe comes in, Sam.
Mr. drucker, there must be
something I can do.
Well, like I said,
you ought to get hold
of Willie the witcher
and dig yourself a new well.
Hello.
H-hiya, ma'am.
What are you doing?
I'm lookin' for water.
We have a bottle
in the refrigerator.
I mean, I'm looking
for a well.
Where did you lose it?
You don't
understand, ma'am.
Lisa...
Oh, darling,
maybe you could help this man.
He lost his well.
No, he didn't lose it,
i hired him
to find one for us.
Oh. What's that
shtick for?
He uses that to look
for the water.
Oh, he's a shtick looker.
A dowser.
What's a dowser?
A shtick looker.
How does it work?
I don't know.
Well, in the old country
they don't look for water
with a shtick.
They do it
scientifically.
Oh?
They put a goldfish in a shoe,
and then they throw
the shoe out the window.
That's scientific?
Of course.
And then the goldfish
swims upstream,
until he finds the water.
Mmm-hmm.
Now, uh, how does he
swim upstream
if there is no water?
His friends help him.
Lisa.
[Twanging]
I found it.
We'll sink the well
right here, Mr. Douglas.
There's plenty of water
down there.
You sure?
Absolutely.
It won't be no time at all
before you'll be standing
in that shower
a-soapin', a-singin',
and a-showerin'.
[T.V. Playing]
Come on, Arnold.
Time for your bath.
[Grunts]
You ain't gonna get him
into the bath,
there's a porky pig cartoon
comin' on.
Well, he's gotta
take a bath.
Arnold, you hadn't
ought to done that.
Arnold.
[Grunting]
♪[Whistling]
What do you think
you're doing?
I'm gonna take a shower.
I am taking the first shower
with our new well.
You're not doing our
employer-employee relations
any good.
I'm not trying.
Arnold,
I'm turnin' on the water.
Lisa,
turn on the water.
Fred, did you turn off
the water?
How could I?
Well, it ain't runnin'.
Somebody must have
dug a new well.
♪[Singing]
Oliver!
Oliver!
What do you want?
There's someone
at the door.
Well, answer it.
I am taking my bubble bath.
Well, I'm in the fireplace.
What you doing in there?
I'm cementing the bricks
back into the hearth.
Come in.
Oh, hello, Mr. ziffel.
Hello, Mr. uh...
I'm down here.
Oh, Oliver, who is it?
It's Mr. ziffel.
(Lisa)
Hello, Mr. ziffel.
Uh, h-how you doin',
Mrs. Douglas.
I'm fine. I'm taking
my bubble bath.
Well, what can I do for you?
I, uh...
I sort of like
to borrow a little water,
if you have to spare,
our well dried up.
Oh, no.
Well, we got plenty now.
Our new well started flowing
about an hour ago.
Just when mine went off.
You mean yours stopped
when ours started flowing?
Yep.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry,
Mr. ziffel.
I guess we tapped
into your water supply.
[Chuckling]
I guess you did.
I guess there ain't nothing
i can do about it, though,
according to the high-handed
code as amended in 1912.
I'll have to send
for Willie the witcher
and get me another well.
Arnold, will you get out
of the tub, we ain't got
any water yet.
Yes, we have.
Willie just
hooked her up.
You can turn her on.
Thank goodness.
Doggone it!
Now who dug a new well?
Sam!
Sam!
I'll be right with you,
Mrs. prentiss.
[Gasps]
Hello, Sarah?
Get me
Willie the witcher.
♪ There is nobody richer
than Willie the witcher ♪
♪ he digs a new well
every day ♪
♪ with his little rod
and shovel ♪
Lisa!
What's the matter?
Why did you turn
the water off?
I didn't turn it off.
Is the pump still running?
[Pump whirring]
Yes, it is.
Somebody must have
dug a new well.
You want me to call
Willie the shtick looker?
No, what I'd better do
is call a meeting.
[People chattering]
Gentlemen,
gentlemen, gentlemen,
if you'll come to order,
I'll tell you
why I called this meeting.
Uh, as you--
uh, Mr. haney, uh,
could you sit down, please?
There ain't no seats.
Sit on the floor.
How come
Arnold's got a seat?
[Grunting]
He got here early.
Mr. ziffel, I think
it's more important
for Mr. haney to have a seat.
Do you mind if Arnold
goes in the bedroom
and turns on your t.V.?
No, go ahead.
Go on, Arnold.
[Gavel pounding]
Gentlemen, please, uh, we are
faced with a grave problem.
As you know...
[T.V. Knob clicking]
Arnold, will you turn
down the t.V., please?
[T.V. Volume decreases]
Where was I?
The, uh...
Yes. We are faced
with a grave problem. We--
darling, should I serve
the refreshments now?
Ye-yes, thank you, as soon
as the meeting is over.
I make a motion
we adjourn.
I 2nd the motion.
You can't ad--
we haven't started
the meeting yet.
Well, let me know
when you are ready
for the refreshments.
I made hot cakes a la mode.
Yes, we'll-- let--
hot cakes a la mode?
Yes, that's a hot hotcake
with a cold one on top.
Uh, gentlemen,
we've got to do something
about our water supply.
One man drills a well,
this causes his neighbor's
well to dry up.
The neighbor drills a well,
somebody else's well dries up.
We spend more time drilling
than we do farming.
Now, we've got to
find a solution.
Who ain't got water now?
I ain't got--
uh, I...
I haven't got water now.
You gotta find a solution.
The American farmer
has not survived
by turning his back
on his neighbor
in an hour of need.
On the contrary,
since this country
was founded,
whenever there's been
a crisis in the community,
the American farmers
have banded together
to help one another,
to fight off the common enemy,
whether it be drought,
insects, fire, or injuns.
[T.V. Volume blaring]
Arnold, will you please
turn that t.V. Down?
[T.V. Volume decreasing]
I agree with Mr. Douglas.
And so do I.
And I am ready,
willin' and able
to fight any Indians
that attacks him.
I'm talking
about the water.
I'm tired of gettin' out
of a hot shower and tramping
through my cold store
and calling Willie
the witcher.
Hear, hear.
If we don't call Willie,
what are we gonna do?
Gentlemen, I propose
to build a reservoir
to provide water
for the whole valley.
Well, that's darn nice of you.
Let us know
when you get it built.
Oh, no, no, this is going
to be a community effort.
W-won't a reservoir
cost a lot of money?
Yes, it will.
Then I make a motion
that we forget it.
I 2nd it.
Wait a minute, we don't have
to put up all the money.
The federal government
will supply part of it,
the state will supply
another part
and we'll provide the rest.
Well, now, why don't we
just take their money
and build a cheaper one?
Gentlemen!
If you'll appoint me
as a committee of one,
I promise to look
into the matter and see
what the whole thing entails.
Now can we eat?
So I called Washington,
and I talked to our senator.
He was very polite,
and he told me--
who paid
for the call?
Uh, I did.
That was, uh,
darn nice of you.
Yeah, for a city fellow,
you've got a good deal
of human being in you.
Oh, thank you,
thank you.
Anyway, he said
that the way
we should raise money
for our reservoir
was to float a bond issue,
like they did in pixley
when they built
their reservoir.
Now, we pay the money back
by the revenue
from the reservoir.
What revenue?
We each pay
for the water we use.
Let me explain
how it works.
Pay for it?
Yeah.
We're getting it for free now.
Go ahead and play, Fred.
You're not getting it
for free
if you have to pay
to have a new well dug
every time somebody
taps your water supply.
Now that makes more sense
than anything he said.
Yes, of course it does.
Of course it does.
(Oliver)
Oh, Mr. kimball.
Who? Oh!
Hello, gentlemen.
Uh, Mr. kimball is making
a very valuable survey for us.
Ah, it's nothing.
Oh, it's not nothing,
i worked pretty hard.
Missed lunch 2 days in a row,
which is all right, though,
because on Monday,
they had macaroni.
Tuesday, they had knackwurst.
Uh, Mr. kimball, did you
finish your report?
What report?
The survey!
Oh, yes, I have it
right here in my briefcase.
Watch it.
Uh, Mr. kimball is making
a survey of our whole valley
to find out the best
possible spot
for our reservoir.
Ah, here's what you wanted.
No, it's not what you wanted.
It's what my mother wanted.
Sam, can I have, uh, 5 pounds
of flour, uh, 2 boxes of--
Mr. kimball, could you
do your shopping later?
Will you be open?
Yes!
Oh, good. Then I can
get on with my report.
Wherever it is.
Oh. Here it is.
Gentlemen, as you all know,
a reservoir is
composed of water.
Except the part
that holds the water,
which is made of concrete.
There are some reservoirs
that are just
a large hole in the ground
filled with water.
These are known as lakes.
Yeah, yeah,
we know that.
Oh, well then that's gonna
save a lot of time.
I doubt it.
Mr. kimball, could you
dispense with the lecture?
Just tell us where is the
best site for the reservoir.
Well, there is only
one suitable spot in
the whole valley,
the old haney place.
The old haney place?
Yeah, that's the one
you refer to as the new
Douglas place.
Use my farm for
the reservoir?
We accept your offer,
ain't that nice of him.
We sure
appreciate it.
No, no, hold it, hold it here.
No, no, I haven't said
you could use my farm.
Lucky we didn't have
to count on you
to fight off them Indians.
I'm not talking about Indians,
I'm talking about my farm.
What am I going to do with it
if it's underwater?
Well, you could grow rice.
I don't want to raise rice.
How about starting
a trout farm?
The government
will stock it for you.
I don't want a trout farm.
Well, it seems a shame
to just let it sit there
underwater
without growin' something.
It's not going to sit there
underwater.
Lo-lo-look, if the reservoir
depends on using my farm,
forget it.
Well, I guess
we'll just have to go back
to the high-handed code,
as amended in 1912.
They wanted to build
a reservoir on our farm!
What's wrong
with that?
The whole farm would be
underwater, that's what.
Sound's wonderful to me.
Then we can go back
to New York.
I don't want to go
back to New York.
They're not going to build
a reservoir on my land.
It'd be a nice thing to do for
the people of hootersville.
When they come rowing
over here in the boats,
they could look
down there and say:
"This is where that nice man
used to live,
who let us build
the reservoir."
There must be some
other way to get water.
Maybe you could run
a long hose
from your mother's apartment
in New York.
Lisa, that...
Hey, that's it!
You get the hose
and I call your mother.
No, no, no, no,
I'm not talking about a hose,
I'm talking about a big pipe.
I don't think
they would let her have
one of those
in her apartment.
A big pipe bringing the water
from the pixley reservoir.
"At 10:00 today,
the main switch
"of the hooterville
pumping station will be thrown
"and water will be pumped
from pixley to every home
in the hooterville valley.
"Credit for the hooterville-
pixley pipeline
goes to Oliver
Wendell Douglas."
Why does he get the credit
when it was my idea?
Your idea was to run a hose
to my mother's apartment
in New York.
That's a better idea
than yours.
Cheaper too.
[Siren wailing]
It must be 10:00.
That's the signal
to throw the switch.
[Grunting]
Water's running
for your bath, Arnold.
[Grunting]
Now, there ain't
no sense making a fuss.
You gotta take your bath.
That ain't what
he's squealing about.
The t.V. Set just went off
and so did the lamp.
[Hissing]
There it is.
All the way from pixley.
Good, now I can
start my dishwasher.
It doesn't work.
Yeah, my printing press
just stopped,
and the juice is off
in the whole store.
What?
No electricity in
the whole valley?
What happened?
Well, tell them to turn off
that dad-blasted pump.
I don't care about the water.
We still got the high-handed
code, as amended in 1912,
and which we are
further going to amend.
And the water rights code,
as amended in 1912,
is hereby re-amended to read:
"Anyone monkeying
with the aforesaid section,
"which deals with one fellow
drillin' and the other fellow
being out of luck,
will be subject
to a $500 fine and 2 years
imprisonment, or both."
Well, that's a stupid
and ridiculous law.
That's what it's gonna
be known as:
"The stupid and ridiculous law
of 1966."
[Laughing]
Ha-ha!
(Lisa)
This has been a filmways
presentation, darling.
is the place to be ♪
♪ farm livin'
is the life for me ♪
♪ land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪
♪ keep Manhattan,
just give me
that countryside ♪
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay ♪
♪ I get allergic
smelling hay ♪
♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪
♪ darling, I love you,
but give me park Avenue ♪
♪ the chores ♪
♪ the stores ♪
♪ fresh air ♪
♪ Times Square ♪
♪ you are my wife ♪
♪ goodbye, city life ♪
♪ green acres,
we are there ♪
Can I take my shower
yet, Willie?
Not yet, haney.
I ain't finished connecting
the pipe to the pump.
Are you sure
there's water there?
Since my other well
run dry, I just...
Look.
[Twanging]
That ain't moxie
down there.
You better be right.
Look, I didn't make
my reputation
witchin' up
dust holes.
It won't be more
than a half-hour
before you'll be
a-singin',
a-soapin',
and a-showerin'.
Darling, are you ready
for breakfast?
No, I haven't taken
my shower yet.
Oh, well, how would you
like to have your hot cakes?
In a restaurant.
Oh, it's going to be
one of those days,
when you wake up
in the morning being nasty,
then as the day goes on
you get worse,
then at night
you want to kiss and make up.
And what's wrong with that?
Couldn't we start
the morning with the make up?
All right.
We're friends?
What else could we be
with a kiss like that?
Lisa, be a good girl now,
and when I yell,
you turn the water on.
Oh, how about breakfast?
Why I was hoping you'd
forgotten that.
You're asking
for another make up.
Lisa, turn the water on
when I yell.
Eb!
Morning, Mr. Douglas.
What do you think
you're doing?
I'm gonna take a shower.
I was here first.
Got any witnesses?
Out!
That's the trouble
with you Americans,
you come to a foreign country
and you think you own it.
Out!
Lisa!
Turn on the water.
Ok to turn on
the water, Willie?
(Willie)
Let her go.
Lisa.
Lisa?
What's the matter?
What did you turn
the water off for?
I didn't turn it off,
it turned off
in the kitchen, too.
Maybe it's the pump.
Mr. haney had trouble
with it once.
Oh!
Where is it?
Somewhere under the house.
You know where?
Nope.
Mr. haney was very
closed-mouthed
about his pump.
Well, gotta crawl underneath
and find it.
Eb, where are you?
Over here, I think
i see the pump.
Oh, I'll be right there.
Mr. Douglas,
don't touch that timber.
It holds up
the fireplace.
I found that out.
[Grunting]
The pump's going.
Yes.
It doesn't sound right.
What's this?
It's sucking dust.
[Spitting]
Now why should it
do that?
I guess your well's
run dry.
Where did
all the water go?
♪ Oh, a-soapin'
and a-singin' ♪
♪ and a-showerin'
all the day ♪
Good morning,
Mr. drucker.
Oh, morning,
Mr. Douglas.
I wanted to ask you--
say, I got something here
that might interest you.
Well i--
did you ever think
of irrigating your crops?
Yeah, yes, I have,
but this morning--
then I got just
what you need.
The sensational new
spritzer-spray needle nozzle.
Now that nozzle will soak
anything in a radius of...
You don't look
too happy.
I'm not.
Then I recommend
a spritzer-spray
to brighten your day.
That's not their motto,
i just made that up.
Mr. drucker,
I can't do
any spritzing.
This morning,
my well dried up.
Oh, I'll be doggone.
There must be
an epidemic. Hmm.
Haney's well went
dry last week.
It did?
Morning, Mr. Douglas, Sam.
Haney.
Oh, how're you, Mr. haney.
Just fine.
Spritzer-sprays.
Hey, I'll take
8 of 'em.
I thought
your well dried up.
Yes, it did.
And, Sam, I'll need 600 feet
of irrigation pipe.
What are you
using for water?
Water.
Where're
you getting it?
From my new well.
Willie the witcher
witched me up a real gusher.
Willie the--
oh, you ought to get
in touch with him,
Mr. Douglas.
Mr. Douglas' well
ran dry.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear
about that.
I'll tell you what.
Any time you wanna,
you come over and borrow
a glass of water,
or take a shower,
and there's no charge.
Except a small rental
for the glass, soap,
and towel.
Yeah I, uh--
how much water are you gettin'
out of your new well, haney?
Plenty.
Kind of reminds me
of all the water I used
to get from the well
on that beautiful farm
i sold you
at such a great loss.
A great loss.
He made more--
that Willie is the greatest
well witcher in the world.
He knew to the second
when the well
would start runnin'.
At 7:30 on the dot
I turned on the shower
and the water
just poured out--
and mine stopped.
You've got my water.
Can you identify it?
No, I can't,
but it's obvious.
If my water stopped flowing
at the very moment
yours started,
you've tapped
my water supply.
That happens all the time
all over the valley.
One fella starts pumpin',
the other fella's well
starts dryin' up.
Well, that doesn't
sound right.
There must be some law
about water rights.
Oh, there is. I--i got it
right in a book here.
Find it here.
Here it-- here it is.
It's the water rights code,
as amended in 1912.
"If the party
of the first part
digs a well,
"cuttin' off the water of
the party of the 2nd part,
"the water becomes
the property of the party
of the first part,
"and the party of the 2nd part
is hereby deemed not to have
a leg to stand on."
That's the code.
Well, that's pretty
high-handed.
Yeah, it's known as
the high-handed code.
Yes, but--
as amended in 1912.
Uh, let me know
when the pipe comes in, Sam.
Mr. drucker, there must be
something I can do.
Well, like I said,
you ought to get hold
of Willie the witcher
and dig yourself a new well.
Hello.
H-hiya, ma'am.
What are you doing?
I'm lookin' for water.
We have a bottle
in the refrigerator.
I mean, I'm looking
for a well.
Where did you lose it?
You don't
understand, ma'am.
Lisa...
Oh, darling,
maybe you could help this man.
He lost his well.
No, he didn't lose it,
i hired him
to find one for us.
Oh. What's that
shtick for?
He uses that to look
for the water.
Oh, he's a shtick looker.
A dowser.
What's a dowser?
A shtick looker.
How does it work?
I don't know.
Well, in the old country
they don't look for water
with a shtick.
They do it
scientifically.
Oh?
They put a goldfish in a shoe,
and then they throw
the shoe out the window.
That's scientific?
Of course.
And then the goldfish
swims upstream,
until he finds the water.
Mmm-hmm.
Now, uh, how does he
swim upstream
if there is no water?
His friends help him.
Lisa.
[Twanging]
I found it.
We'll sink the well
right here, Mr. Douglas.
There's plenty of water
down there.
You sure?
Absolutely.
It won't be no time at all
before you'll be standing
in that shower
a-soapin', a-singin',
and a-showerin'.
[T.V. Playing]
Come on, Arnold.
Time for your bath.
[Grunts]
You ain't gonna get him
into the bath,
there's a porky pig cartoon
comin' on.
Well, he's gotta
take a bath.
Arnold, you hadn't
ought to done that.
Arnold.
[Grunting]
♪[Whistling]
What do you think
you're doing?
I'm gonna take a shower.
I am taking the first shower
with our new well.
You're not doing our
employer-employee relations
any good.
I'm not trying.
Arnold,
I'm turnin' on the water.
Lisa,
turn on the water.
Fred, did you turn off
the water?
How could I?
Well, it ain't runnin'.
Somebody must have
dug a new well.
♪[Singing]
Oliver!
Oliver!
What do you want?
There's someone
at the door.
Well, answer it.
I am taking my bubble bath.
Well, I'm in the fireplace.
What you doing in there?
I'm cementing the bricks
back into the hearth.
Come in.
Oh, hello, Mr. ziffel.
Hello, Mr. uh...
I'm down here.
Oh, Oliver, who is it?
It's Mr. ziffel.
(Lisa)
Hello, Mr. ziffel.
Uh, h-how you doin',
Mrs. Douglas.
I'm fine. I'm taking
my bubble bath.
Well, what can I do for you?
I, uh...
I sort of like
to borrow a little water,
if you have to spare,
our well dried up.
Oh, no.
Well, we got plenty now.
Our new well started flowing
about an hour ago.
Just when mine went off.
You mean yours stopped
when ours started flowing?
Yep.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry,
Mr. ziffel.
I guess we tapped
into your water supply.
[Chuckling]
I guess you did.
I guess there ain't nothing
i can do about it, though,
according to the high-handed
code as amended in 1912.
I'll have to send
for Willie the witcher
and get me another well.
Arnold, will you get out
of the tub, we ain't got
any water yet.
Yes, we have.
Willie just
hooked her up.
You can turn her on.
Thank goodness.
Doggone it!
Now who dug a new well?
Sam!
Sam!
I'll be right with you,
Mrs. prentiss.
[Gasps]
Hello, Sarah?
Get me
Willie the witcher.
♪ There is nobody richer
than Willie the witcher ♪
♪ he digs a new well
every day ♪
♪ with his little rod
and shovel ♪
Lisa!
What's the matter?
Why did you turn
the water off?
I didn't turn it off.
Is the pump still running?
[Pump whirring]
Yes, it is.
Somebody must have
dug a new well.
You want me to call
Willie the shtick looker?
No, what I'd better do
is call a meeting.
[People chattering]
Gentlemen,
gentlemen, gentlemen,
if you'll come to order,
I'll tell you
why I called this meeting.
Uh, as you--
uh, Mr. haney, uh,
could you sit down, please?
There ain't no seats.
Sit on the floor.
How come
Arnold's got a seat?
[Grunting]
He got here early.
Mr. ziffel, I think
it's more important
for Mr. haney to have a seat.
Do you mind if Arnold
goes in the bedroom
and turns on your t.V.?
No, go ahead.
Go on, Arnold.
[Gavel pounding]
Gentlemen, please, uh, we are
faced with a grave problem.
As you know...
[T.V. Knob clicking]
Arnold, will you turn
down the t.V., please?
[T.V. Volume decreases]
Where was I?
The, uh...
Yes. We are faced
with a grave problem. We--
darling, should I serve
the refreshments now?
Ye-yes, thank you, as soon
as the meeting is over.
I make a motion
we adjourn.
I 2nd the motion.
You can't ad--
we haven't started
the meeting yet.
Well, let me know
when you are ready
for the refreshments.
I made hot cakes a la mode.
Yes, we'll-- let--
hot cakes a la mode?
Yes, that's a hot hotcake
with a cold one on top.
Uh, gentlemen,
we've got to do something
about our water supply.
One man drills a well,
this causes his neighbor's
well to dry up.
The neighbor drills a well,
somebody else's well dries up.
We spend more time drilling
than we do farming.
Now, we've got to
find a solution.
Who ain't got water now?
I ain't got--
uh, I...
I haven't got water now.
You gotta find a solution.
The American farmer
has not survived
by turning his back
on his neighbor
in an hour of need.
On the contrary,
since this country
was founded,
whenever there's been
a crisis in the community,
the American farmers
have banded together
to help one another,
to fight off the common enemy,
whether it be drought,
insects, fire, or injuns.
[T.V. Volume blaring]
Arnold, will you please
turn that t.V. Down?
[T.V. Volume decreasing]
I agree with Mr. Douglas.
And so do I.
And I am ready,
willin' and able
to fight any Indians
that attacks him.
I'm talking
about the water.
I'm tired of gettin' out
of a hot shower and tramping
through my cold store
and calling Willie
the witcher.
Hear, hear.
If we don't call Willie,
what are we gonna do?
Gentlemen, I propose
to build a reservoir
to provide water
for the whole valley.
Well, that's darn nice of you.
Let us know
when you get it built.
Oh, no, no, this is going
to be a community effort.
W-won't a reservoir
cost a lot of money?
Yes, it will.
Then I make a motion
that we forget it.
I 2nd it.
Wait a minute, we don't have
to put up all the money.
The federal government
will supply part of it,
the state will supply
another part
and we'll provide the rest.
Well, now, why don't we
just take their money
and build a cheaper one?
Gentlemen!
If you'll appoint me
as a committee of one,
I promise to look
into the matter and see
what the whole thing entails.
Now can we eat?
So I called Washington,
and I talked to our senator.
He was very polite,
and he told me--
who paid
for the call?
Uh, I did.
That was, uh,
darn nice of you.
Yeah, for a city fellow,
you've got a good deal
of human being in you.
Oh, thank you,
thank you.
Anyway, he said
that the way
we should raise money
for our reservoir
was to float a bond issue,
like they did in pixley
when they built
their reservoir.
Now, we pay the money back
by the revenue
from the reservoir.
What revenue?
We each pay
for the water we use.
Let me explain
how it works.
Pay for it?
Yeah.
We're getting it for free now.
Go ahead and play, Fred.
You're not getting it
for free
if you have to pay
to have a new well dug
every time somebody
taps your water supply.
Now that makes more sense
than anything he said.
Yes, of course it does.
Of course it does.
(Oliver)
Oh, Mr. kimball.
Who? Oh!
Hello, gentlemen.
Uh, Mr. kimball is making
a very valuable survey for us.
Ah, it's nothing.
Oh, it's not nothing,
i worked pretty hard.
Missed lunch 2 days in a row,
which is all right, though,
because on Monday,
they had macaroni.
Tuesday, they had knackwurst.
Uh, Mr. kimball, did you
finish your report?
What report?
The survey!
Oh, yes, I have it
right here in my briefcase.
Watch it.
Uh, Mr. kimball is making
a survey of our whole valley
to find out the best
possible spot
for our reservoir.
Ah, here's what you wanted.
No, it's not what you wanted.
It's what my mother wanted.
Sam, can I have, uh, 5 pounds
of flour, uh, 2 boxes of--
Mr. kimball, could you
do your shopping later?
Will you be open?
Yes!
Oh, good. Then I can
get on with my report.
Wherever it is.
Oh. Here it is.
Gentlemen, as you all know,
a reservoir is
composed of water.
Except the part
that holds the water,
which is made of concrete.
There are some reservoirs
that are just
a large hole in the ground
filled with water.
These are known as lakes.
Yeah, yeah,
we know that.
Oh, well then that's gonna
save a lot of time.
I doubt it.
Mr. kimball, could you
dispense with the lecture?
Just tell us where is the
best site for the reservoir.
Well, there is only
one suitable spot in
the whole valley,
the old haney place.
The old haney place?
Yeah, that's the one
you refer to as the new
Douglas place.
Use my farm for
the reservoir?
We accept your offer,
ain't that nice of him.
We sure
appreciate it.
No, no, hold it, hold it here.
No, no, I haven't said
you could use my farm.
Lucky we didn't have
to count on you
to fight off them Indians.
I'm not talking about Indians,
I'm talking about my farm.
What am I going to do with it
if it's underwater?
Well, you could grow rice.
I don't want to raise rice.
How about starting
a trout farm?
The government
will stock it for you.
I don't want a trout farm.
Well, it seems a shame
to just let it sit there
underwater
without growin' something.
It's not going to sit there
underwater.
Lo-lo-look, if the reservoir
depends on using my farm,
forget it.
Well, I guess
we'll just have to go back
to the high-handed code,
as amended in 1912.
They wanted to build
a reservoir on our farm!
What's wrong
with that?
The whole farm would be
underwater, that's what.
Sound's wonderful to me.
Then we can go back
to New York.
I don't want to go
back to New York.
They're not going to build
a reservoir on my land.
It'd be a nice thing to do for
the people of hootersville.
When they come rowing
over here in the boats,
they could look
down there and say:
"This is where that nice man
used to live,
who let us build
the reservoir."
There must be some
other way to get water.
Maybe you could run
a long hose
from your mother's apartment
in New York.
Lisa, that...
Hey, that's it!
You get the hose
and I call your mother.
No, no, no, no,
I'm not talking about a hose,
I'm talking about a big pipe.
I don't think
they would let her have
one of those
in her apartment.
A big pipe bringing the water
from the pixley reservoir.
"At 10:00 today,
the main switch
"of the hooterville
pumping station will be thrown
"and water will be pumped
from pixley to every home
in the hooterville valley.
"Credit for the hooterville-
pixley pipeline
goes to Oliver
Wendell Douglas."
Why does he get the credit
when it was my idea?
Your idea was to run a hose
to my mother's apartment
in New York.
That's a better idea
than yours.
Cheaper too.
[Siren wailing]
It must be 10:00.
That's the signal
to throw the switch.
[Grunting]
Water's running
for your bath, Arnold.
[Grunting]
Now, there ain't
no sense making a fuss.
You gotta take your bath.
That ain't what
he's squealing about.
The t.V. Set just went off
and so did the lamp.
[Hissing]
There it is.
All the way from pixley.
Good, now I can
start my dishwasher.
It doesn't work.
Yeah, my printing press
just stopped,
and the juice is off
in the whole store.
What?
No electricity in
the whole valley?
What happened?
Well, tell them to turn off
that dad-blasted pump.
I don't care about the water.
We still got the high-handed
code, as amended in 1912,
and which we are
further going to amend.
And the water rights code,
as amended in 1912,
is hereby re-amended to read:
"Anyone monkeying
with the aforesaid section,
"which deals with one fellow
drillin' and the other fellow
being out of luck,
will be subject
to a $500 fine and 2 years
imprisonment, or both."
Well, that's a stupid
and ridiculous law.
That's what it's gonna
be known as:
"The stupid and ridiculous law
of 1966."
[Laughing]
Ha-ha!
(Lisa)
This has been a filmways
presentation, darling.