Green Acres (1965–1971): Season 2, Episode 18 - Exodus to Bleedwell - full transcript
The residents of Hooterville flock to nearby Bleedswell for jobs at the new defense plant. To keep people from leaving, Hooterville reopens its old airplane factory to fulfill its contract with the Army--signed during WWI.
♪ Green acres
is the place to be ♪
♪ farm livin'
is the life for me ♪
♪ land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪
♪ keep Manhattan,
just give me
that countryside ♪
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay ♪
♪ I get allergic
smelling hay ♪
♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪
♪ darling, I love you,
but give me park Avenue ♪
♪ the chores ♪
♪ the stores ♪
♪ fresh air ♪
♪ Times Square ♪
♪ you are my wife ♪
♪ goodbye, city life ♪
♪ green acres,
we are there ♪
Oliver, Oliver,
wake up.
Uh--uh, what?
What's the matter?
Do you know anybody
called Jay summers
or dick Chevrolet?
Who?
Well, I was just dreaming
that their names were over us.
It's 5:00 in the morning.
Will you go to sleep?
"Dreaming their names are..."
Who's he?
[Knocking at door]
Who's banging on the door?
Maybe it's
those 2 fellows
with the names.
[Banging on door]
Good morning,
Mr. Douglas.
Mr. Haney, it's 5:00.
You know the old sayin':
"The early bird gets
the best seat on the bus."
Just got 2 seats left.
If you'll give me
a $3 deposit,
I'll be glad to hold 'em
for you and Mrs. Douglas
till departure time.
We're not going anywhere.
You're not going
to bleedswell?
No, we're not.
Everybody else
in the valley is.
Guaranteed to
get you there,
so as you'll be first in line
at the employment office.
The employ...
Mr. Haney,
I don't know what it is
you're talking about,
but I'm not interested.
Better hang on to this.
He'll probably want to buy
one of these from somebody.
(Alf)
Good morning.
Howdy doody.
Hold it.
Hold it!
What do you think
you're doing?
We're gonna try to finish
the bedroom for you by 12:00.
(Ralph)
That's when the bus
leaves for bleedswell.
We're goin' up there to get
a job in the defense plant.
You can go now.
Just for that, I'm not
gonna kiss you goodbye.
Come on, alf.
Wait a minute.
Would you care to pay us
for all the beautiful work
we've done on this room?
No, I wouldn't.
Just for that, I'm not gonna
kiss you goodbye, either.
Out!
Darling,
here's your breakfast.
(Oliver)
What is that?
A codfish ball.
A codfish ball?
Well, it isn't a real one.
What I did was,
I took some hotcakes
and I rolled it up a lump.
And you call this
a codfish ball?
What else would you call it?
Well, I'm sure if I ate it,
I'd think of something.
You keep that up--
morning,
Mrs. Douglas.
Good morning, eb.
Morning,
Mr. Douglas.
Good morning.
Can I have the day off?
What for?
I want to look
for another job.
Eb, you're not going
to leave us, are you?
Not entirely.
I'll be comin' home weekends.
Where are you going?
Bleedswell.
Do you want me to give you
some codfish balls
to eat on the bus?
No, ma'am. I don't want
to put you to any trouble.
Oh, it'll only take me
a minute to roll them.
Eb, would you mind telling me
what's the big attraction
at bleedswell.
They're opening
a defense plant up there.
And they're offering
inducements to get people
to go there to work.
Didn't you read
the ads they ran
in the world guardian?
Listen to this:
"Join the space age.
"Work for astro digitronics,
makers of the
mighty Mark v mokker rocket."
The mighty--
"astro digitronics is located
in carefree, smog-free
bleedswell,
the home of the sympathetic
draft board."
That's a nice thing to have.
"Astro digitronics offers
more fringe benefits
"than any other
space age company,
"including unlimited sick pay,
free psychoanalysis,
and a year's supply
of cracked crab."
What?
Plus 10 paid holidays a year.
There aren't
10 holidays in a year.
They include
Chinese new year's.
Oh, eb, here,
give me that.
Read what they're offering
top scientists.
"We are in urgent need
of an experienced thermal
quantitative servo engineer.
"If you are such a man,
we offer the highest salary,
"plus free use of
a company car or a secretary,
10 percent discount
on bowling supplies,
and free diaper service."
Do they get
Chinese new year's off, too?
The best deal is to be
a structural programming
aerodynamic calibrator.
They get a duplex apartment
with a swimming pool,
plus free water skiing lessons
on beautiful lake pelican.
Well, yeah,
that's the best deal.
That's the one
I'm gonna apply for.
You?
What do you know
about structural programming
aerodynamics calibrator?
Nothing. But if they find
one of those guys,
they're sure gonna need
somebody to sweep up
after him.
Eb, you'd better leave now.
I don't want you
to miss the bus.
Thanks.
Oh, eb.
Yes.
Don't forget
your codfish balls.
Thanks, Mrs. Douglas.
You're not really going
to let him go, are you?
He--he'll be back.
Well, I don't know.
He's a young boy.
And if he spends
one Chinese new year's
eating cracked crab,
he might get hooked.
He's not leaving.
But it looks
like a lot of people are.
Well, none of the
solid citizens are.
Come in.
I can't.
There ain't no doorknob.
Oh, for...
Oh, hi. The ziffels.
Hello, Mr. Douglas.
Come on, Arnold.
Come on, Arnie.
We can't stay long.
We just come over
to say goodbye.
Yeah, Doris and me are
leavin' for bleedswell.
We gonna make mokker rockets.
[Squealing]
What's wrong
with Arnold?
Oh, every time he hears us
talkin' about movin',
he gets all upset.
He doesn't want to transfer
to a new school.
Well, looks like he'd be happy
goin' to bleedswell.
Be livin' in
a nice mountain cabin.
Now, if you're gonna
take any job, Fred,
it's gonna be the one
with the duplex
and the swimmin' pool.
You can't be serious
about leaving.
What about your farm?
Well, I can't hardly
make a livin' out of it.
You see, there ain't nothin'
for me to do between harvest
time and spring plantin',
but sit around
and look at Doris,
or t.V.
And which do you think has
got the highest Nielsen?
Oh, Fred, there you go,
puttin' me down again
in front of Arnold.
No wonder he ain't got
no respect for me.
[Snorting]
Mr. Ziffel, I know that
farming isn't easy,
but, uh, working in
a rocket plant, well...
You have to
have some skill.
Well, during the war,
I worked in the hooterville
airplane factory.
I was in charge of security.
You mean they were
making aeroplanes here?
Why don't you two
come to bleedswell
with us?
Yeah, everyone else is going.
Newt Kiley, Ben Miller,
Roy trendell.
No, thanks. And i--i think
you're making a mistake.
Well, it ain't
the first mistake I ever made.
That's the first one.
You ain't
no prize package.
Well, maybe I ain't,
but I'm wrapped a little
better than you are.
One more crack and pow,
you'll be takin' off
like one of them
mokker rockets.
Oh, Doris, we can fight
on the bus. Come on.
Aren't we ever going
to see you again?
Sure, honey. We'll be back
next Chinese new year.
Yeah, we'll bring you back
a big bag of cracked crab.
Come on, Doris.
Well, goodbye. Bye, now.
Come on, Arnold.
That's a good boy.
[Squealing]
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Oliver, all of
our friends are leaving.
Can't we do something
about it?
What can we do?
Well, maybe we could
get them to open up
a defensive plant here.
Lisa, that's a silly idea.
So I was saying to my wife,
the only way to get people
to stay in hooterville
is open up a small
defensive pla-- uh, uh,
defense plant here.
Say, that's a good idea
Mrs. Douglas had.
Whoever thought of it,
it's worth looking into.
What kind of plant
did Mrs. Douglas suggest?
Uh,
look, Mr. Ziffel told me
that during the war, you had
an airplane factory here, huh?
Well, if you had
enough skilled people
to make airplanes,
certainly somebody ought to
be able to open up a factory
to make small parts
for missiles, electronic
equipment, that kind of thing.
Doggone, Mr. Douglas.
That wife of yours
sure thinks things out.
Look, while we're
standing here talking,
everybody's waiting
to get on haney's bus
for bleedswell at 12:00.
Oh, that's not leaving.
It broke down.
It might leave tomorrow.
Well, why don't you do
something about it
before it's too late?
How would it be if I called
an emergency meeting
of the town council tonight
and we'll see
what we can think up?
Ok, why don't we put it
to a vote?
All those in favor,
raise your hands.
Ok.
Now that we voted
to have the factory,
I suggest we appoint
Mr. Douglas president,
because his wife
suggested the idea.
Just a second.
I think I'm better qualified
than he is.
All right, Roy.
We'll put it to a vote.
All those in favor
of Mr. Douglas,
raise your hands.
Those against.
The vote is 4
for Mr. Douglas
and one sorehead against.
Well, shall we go tell
Mr. Douglas the good news?
It's too late.
It's nearly 9:00.
Oh, all right, Fred.
We'll tell him first thing
in the morning.
Meeting adjourned.
Sam, I still say
I should be the president.
Roy, you heard the vote.
Oh, hello, fellows.
Morning, Mrs. Douglas.
Morning.
Uh, come in, come in.
Uh, would you like
to have some coffee?
Yes, ma'am.
Either of you got a cup?
Don't think so, no.
Well, I'll see
if I can find one.
If I can't find a coffee cup,
would tea be all right?
Uh, Mrs. Douglas,
we came to see Mr. Douglas.
Oh. Oh, he's in the bedroom.
Well, I'll get you
some coffee or tea,
whichever the cups are.
He ain't awake yet.
Well, I didn't come here
to watch him sleep. Hey!
[Whistling]
Wake up. Come on.
What are you doing here?
It's 7:30.
Do you sleep
this late everyday?
Well, i--
we don't want
a president that spends
half the day sleeping.
President of what?
He ain't very well informed
for a president.
Roy, be quiet.
Uh, Mr. Douglas,
town council met last night
and we voted to reopen
the hooterville airplane
company that we had here
during the war.
The hooterville air--
and for suggestin' it,
we're making you president.
You're making me--
don't he ever
finish his sentence?
Well, i--
there he goes again.
Roy.
Well, Mr. Douglas,
what do you say?
When I suggested
a small defense plant
to keep people from
moving to bleedswell,
i--i never meant anything as
ambitious as making airplanes.
That requires
millions of dollars.
You gotta have a contract...
Well, if you were
any kind of a president,
you'd know we have a contract.
You have a contract?
He finally said
a whole sentence.
We sure have,
Mr. Douglas.
With the United States army.
During the war, they gave us
an order to build 32 planes.
And we only built 26 of 'em.
So we still have
6 more to build for 'em.
You have 6 more
to build for them?
That's what he said.
You don't have
to repeat everything.
What are you gonna use
for a factory?
Same as we did Durin'
the war, Simpson's barn.
All we gotta do is get
Simpson's cow out of there.
You think you can build
jet planes in a barn?
They ain't jets.
Show him the picture, Sam.
Here you are,
Mr. Douglas.
(Sam)
That's the first plane that
come off the assembly line.
(Oliver)
That's a Jenny.
A world war I plane.
Well, what war did you think
we built 'em for?
I thought...
That's where I made
my mistake.
Mr. Drucker, look,
you're a sensible man.
You say you have a contract.
That contract
was made in 1917.
It's null and void
by now.
No, it ain't.
Show him
the contract, Sam.
On the last page.
Clause 47.
Wanna borrow
my glasses?
No!
Ah. And, uh...
So and so and so--
"the United States army
further stipulates
that said airplanes
may be delivered anytime
at the company's discretion."
This means they didn't
specify a delivery date.
Read on.
[Murmuring]
"It is further agreed that
this contract is irrevocable,
"and cannot be cancelled
by either party,
for any reason."
How did you get the army
to sign a contract like this?
Brad fenton
rammed it through.
Yeah, ol' Brad, he was
sure a great rammer.
They don't make rammers
like Brad anymore.
You'd better get dressed.
We got a lot to do.
Yeah, we gotta
clean up the barn,
we gotta, uh, put the ad
in the paper,
write the letter
to the air force
in Washington.
You're writing a letter to--
he's starting again.
We gotta let 'em know
we're gonna fulfill
the contact.
Oh, boy.
I'd give anything to be there
when they open it.
The secretary of defense
received this letter
this morning, sir.
Thought you might know
something about it.
Ah, who's it from?
The hooterville
airplane company.
The hooterville?
They say they're
about to start production
on the 6 jn-4s you ordered.
Well, I'm glad somebody's...
Jn-4s? Let me see that.
May I ask, sir, is that
the new night fighter?
Jennys.
Oh. That's a good
code name for them, sir.
I imagine hooterville
is a code name, too.
I don't even know
what a hooterville is.
6 Jennys?
Are they
swept-wing jobs, sir?
Uh, no, no. They're--
how old are you, sergeant?
22, sir.
Ah.
Come on over here.
That is a Jenny.
Why did you order
6 of them, sir?
I didn't order them!
But the letter--
is from some nut!
A wonder we ever win a war
with some of the crackpots
we've got in this country.
Come on, Arnold.
Halt. Who goes there?
Oh, it's me, Mr. Ziffel.
Where do you think
you're going?
Inside.
You got a pass?
What do I need a pass for?
Security.
We're makin' war planes
in here, you know.
Yes, I know.
How come?
It's supposed to be a secret.
I'm the president
of whatever this is.
There ain't nobody goin'
in here unless they got
a pass or a badge.
Where do I get a badge?
Over there.
Here you are.
Get your security badges here.
No admittance to the plant
without a security badge.
Mr. Haney.
Howdy, Mr. Douglas.
What can I do for you?
Mr. Ziffel says
I need a badge.
Yes, sir. What color
would you like?
I don't know.
What difference does it make?
Well, the white one
will give you entry
to the cafeteria,
the men's washroom
and the employee's sundeck.
The red one
will give you access
to the first 3 cow stalls
in the main floor,
but will not allow you use
of the executive coffee pot.
Now, the yellow one--
Mr. Haney, I'm trying
to keep it quiet,
but I'm the president
of this happy academy.
The president!
Well, then you'll want
the gold badge.
There you are.
That'll be $7.
$7?
Well, it's deductible.
Fine. Deduct it
from my salary.
[Squealing]
It's all right,
I got a badge.
Mind lettin' me see it?
That ain't no good.
It ain't got your
security photograph on it.
Ah, for...
Well, where do I get
one of those?
Over there.
Smile.
Just a minute, buddy.
I beg your pardon?
No one allowed in here
without a badge.
I've got a badge.
Oh, a gold one.
You must be
one of the brass.
No, if you were
one of the brass,
you'd have a brass badge.
Don't tell me you work here.
Yes, I'm the plant manager.
I manage these plants.
I should've let everybody
go to bleedswell.
This is bamboo.
We make the airplane wings
out of 'em.
When these are 6 feet tall,
they'll be cut down,
bent into shape,
glued to the airplane,
covered with fabric, doped,
the air force insignia
painted on them,
and then off we go
into the wild blue yonder.
Say, that might make
a good song.
♪ Off we go
into the wild blue yonder ♪
♪ with our wings glued on
and our fabrics doped ♪
Yeah,
that's very catchy.
I'll hum that
all the way home.
Well, I'm glad if I made
your day
a little bit brighter.
Well, not brighter.
The last weather report said--
look, look, please.
Can you tell me where
I'll find Mr. Drucker?
Oh, yeah, I guess he's
over there in the, uh,
fuselage room.
[Murmurs]
There. Take a look
at it now, Ralph.
One side's
a little higher
than the other.
Oh, we can compensate
for that
by puttin' the longer wing
on the lower side.
Excuse me.
Oh, howdy doody.
Don't howdy doody him
till you see his badge.
Here.
Gee, a gold one.
What can we do
for you, Goldie?
Well, I'll...
What is this?
Well, you're the president.
Don't you know a fuselage
when you see one?
Yes, I know one
when I see one,
but I don't see one.
That's the thanks we get
for giving up
$1.50 an hour job
as astrophysicists
at bleedswell.
Don't take it
seriously, Ralph.
He's just sore at us 'cause
we didn't finish his bedroom.
Well, we're sorry
about that, Mr. Douglas.
But our country
comes first.
Yes, you might as well
do it to them for a while.
What did he
mean by that?
Who knows?
Hand me the plans.
Aren't they pretty?
We couldn't find
the original plans,
so we got these
out of the model airplane kit.
How are you going to use--
oh, we're blowin' 'em up
to life size.
I've seen enough.
(Ralph)
Oh, just a minute.
We got a problem,
Prez.
We're runnin' out
of nails and wood.
We're gonna need
some money to buy 'em.
Oh, well, that's simple.
Uh, you're making these planes
for the air force,
why don't you just
write to them?
Tell them how much you need.
No wonder
he's president.
You notice how fast he makes
those snap decisions?
Yup.
[Clears throat]
Take a letter.
Dear air force,
"kindly forward
your check for $83.19,
"so that we can buy
the nails and the lumber
to finish the 6 jn-4s
you ordered."
General, i--i don't
quite understand.
Why did you order
6 world war I Jennys?
I didn't order them!
Now, look, Mr. Travis,
the reason
I asked you over here
is that I thought maybe
the attorney-general's office
could tell me if this contract
really still is in force.
January, 1918?
Where has this been?
In the sub-basement
of the Smithsonian institute.
Look at clause 47.
"Non-cancelable."
Who signed this?
"Woodrow..."
I can't quite make out
that last name.
The point is,
is it still valid?
I'm afraid it is.
You'd better
send them the $83,
or the government
will be in breach.
It isn't the money,
it's the...
W-When those 6 Jennys
show up here,
how am I gonna explain it
to you-know-who upstairs?
Well, have you tried talking
to anyone at this hooterville
airplane company?
Ah.
Who runs it?
Uh, the letter mentions
someone by the name
of Oliver Wendell Douglas.
It might be a good idea
to call this Douglas,
and see if you can
reason with him.
I'll do better than that.
Sergeant, have my plane ready.
I'm taking off for hooterville
in half an hour.
We're approaching
hooterville, sir.
Never heard of a town
that didn't have an airport.
We're coming over target, sir.
Jump!
All right.
Easy, easy.
He forgot to yell
Geronimo.
Look,
you blithering idiot,
I tell you,
I'm gen. Sloat.
Keep movin'.
What you got there, Roy?
A spy.
I'm not a spy, you stupid--
oh, I suppose you jump out
of airplanes for fun, huh?
Go on, inside.
Ho-hold it! He can't go
in there without a badge.
Oh, yeah.
What do we do with him?
Shoot him.
Ok.
[Yells]
[Squealing]
Not in front of Arnold.
Better take him over to
Mr. Douglas and see what
he wants to do with him.
Everybody was leaving town
to make mokker rockets.
So I suggest a little
defense plant.
The next thing I know,
they're building airplanes.
And I'm the president.
That's the way they do things
here in hooterville.
I am not interested in--
general, would you like
to have another cup?
Oh, please.
[Crockery smashing]
Thank--thank you.
[Clearing throat]
Uh, a-about those,
uh, Jennys...
General, that's an
ironclad contract,
you're going to have to accept
delivery on the planes.
There's nothing
I can do about it.
There's quite a dossier
on you in Washington.
I noticed you were a flier.
Yes, sir.
You never resigned
your commission.
You're still
in the air force reserve.
Yeah, I guess I am.
You are herby ordered
back to active duty.
What?
We are making you
chief test pilot
for the hooterville
airplane company.
And I'm proud to turn
this bottle of champagne
over to Mrs. Douglas,
so she can christen
the first jn-4
off the hooterville airplane
company's assembly line.
[All applauding]
Thank you.
Oh, wait a minute.
One more thing.
Be sure to stick around,
because right after
the christening,
lt. Douglas is gonna fly
this plane up to 10,000 feet,
and bring her down
in a full power dive.
Go ahead, Mrs. Douglas.
I christen you
miss hootersville.
Long may you fly.
Well, back to
the drawing board.
(Lisa)
this has been a filmways
presentation, darling.
is the place to be ♪
♪ farm livin'
is the life for me ♪
♪ land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪
♪ keep Manhattan,
just give me
that countryside ♪
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay ♪
♪ I get allergic
smelling hay ♪
♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪
♪ darling, I love you,
but give me park Avenue ♪
♪ the chores ♪
♪ the stores ♪
♪ fresh air ♪
♪ Times Square ♪
♪ you are my wife ♪
♪ goodbye, city life ♪
♪ green acres,
we are there ♪
Oliver, Oliver,
wake up.
Uh--uh, what?
What's the matter?
Do you know anybody
called Jay summers
or dick Chevrolet?
Who?
Well, I was just dreaming
that their names were over us.
It's 5:00 in the morning.
Will you go to sleep?
"Dreaming their names are..."
Who's he?
[Knocking at door]
Who's banging on the door?
Maybe it's
those 2 fellows
with the names.
[Banging on door]
Good morning,
Mr. Douglas.
Mr. Haney, it's 5:00.
You know the old sayin':
"The early bird gets
the best seat on the bus."
Just got 2 seats left.
If you'll give me
a $3 deposit,
I'll be glad to hold 'em
for you and Mrs. Douglas
till departure time.
We're not going anywhere.
You're not going
to bleedswell?
No, we're not.
Everybody else
in the valley is.
Guaranteed to
get you there,
so as you'll be first in line
at the employment office.
The employ...
Mr. Haney,
I don't know what it is
you're talking about,
but I'm not interested.
Better hang on to this.
He'll probably want to buy
one of these from somebody.
(Alf)
Good morning.
Howdy doody.
Hold it.
Hold it!
What do you think
you're doing?
We're gonna try to finish
the bedroom for you by 12:00.
(Ralph)
That's when the bus
leaves for bleedswell.
We're goin' up there to get
a job in the defense plant.
You can go now.
Just for that, I'm not
gonna kiss you goodbye.
Come on, alf.
Wait a minute.
Would you care to pay us
for all the beautiful work
we've done on this room?
No, I wouldn't.
Just for that, I'm not gonna
kiss you goodbye, either.
Out!
Darling,
here's your breakfast.
(Oliver)
What is that?
A codfish ball.
A codfish ball?
Well, it isn't a real one.
What I did was,
I took some hotcakes
and I rolled it up a lump.
And you call this
a codfish ball?
What else would you call it?
Well, I'm sure if I ate it,
I'd think of something.
You keep that up--
morning,
Mrs. Douglas.
Good morning, eb.
Morning,
Mr. Douglas.
Good morning.
Can I have the day off?
What for?
I want to look
for another job.
Eb, you're not going
to leave us, are you?
Not entirely.
I'll be comin' home weekends.
Where are you going?
Bleedswell.
Do you want me to give you
some codfish balls
to eat on the bus?
No, ma'am. I don't want
to put you to any trouble.
Oh, it'll only take me
a minute to roll them.
Eb, would you mind telling me
what's the big attraction
at bleedswell.
They're opening
a defense plant up there.
And they're offering
inducements to get people
to go there to work.
Didn't you read
the ads they ran
in the world guardian?
Listen to this:
"Join the space age.
"Work for astro digitronics,
makers of the
mighty Mark v mokker rocket."
The mighty--
"astro digitronics is located
in carefree, smog-free
bleedswell,
the home of the sympathetic
draft board."
That's a nice thing to have.
"Astro digitronics offers
more fringe benefits
"than any other
space age company,
"including unlimited sick pay,
free psychoanalysis,
and a year's supply
of cracked crab."
What?
Plus 10 paid holidays a year.
There aren't
10 holidays in a year.
They include
Chinese new year's.
Oh, eb, here,
give me that.
Read what they're offering
top scientists.
"We are in urgent need
of an experienced thermal
quantitative servo engineer.
"If you are such a man,
we offer the highest salary,
"plus free use of
a company car or a secretary,
10 percent discount
on bowling supplies,
and free diaper service."
Do they get
Chinese new year's off, too?
The best deal is to be
a structural programming
aerodynamic calibrator.
They get a duplex apartment
with a swimming pool,
plus free water skiing lessons
on beautiful lake pelican.
Well, yeah,
that's the best deal.
That's the one
I'm gonna apply for.
You?
What do you know
about structural programming
aerodynamics calibrator?
Nothing. But if they find
one of those guys,
they're sure gonna need
somebody to sweep up
after him.
Eb, you'd better leave now.
I don't want you
to miss the bus.
Thanks.
Oh, eb.
Yes.
Don't forget
your codfish balls.
Thanks, Mrs. Douglas.
You're not really going
to let him go, are you?
He--he'll be back.
Well, I don't know.
He's a young boy.
And if he spends
one Chinese new year's
eating cracked crab,
he might get hooked.
He's not leaving.
But it looks
like a lot of people are.
Well, none of the
solid citizens are.
Come in.
I can't.
There ain't no doorknob.
Oh, for...
Oh, hi. The ziffels.
Hello, Mr. Douglas.
Come on, Arnold.
Come on, Arnie.
We can't stay long.
We just come over
to say goodbye.
Yeah, Doris and me are
leavin' for bleedswell.
We gonna make mokker rockets.
[Squealing]
What's wrong
with Arnold?
Oh, every time he hears us
talkin' about movin',
he gets all upset.
He doesn't want to transfer
to a new school.
Well, looks like he'd be happy
goin' to bleedswell.
Be livin' in
a nice mountain cabin.
Now, if you're gonna
take any job, Fred,
it's gonna be the one
with the duplex
and the swimmin' pool.
You can't be serious
about leaving.
What about your farm?
Well, I can't hardly
make a livin' out of it.
You see, there ain't nothin'
for me to do between harvest
time and spring plantin',
but sit around
and look at Doris,
or t.V.
And which do you think has
got the highest Nielsen?
Oh, Fred, there you go,
puttin' me down again
in front of Arnold.
No wonder he ain't got
no respect for me.
[Snorting]
Mr. Ziffel, I know that
farming isn't easy,
but, uh, working in
a rocket plant, well...
You have to
have some skill.
Well, during the war,
I worked in the hooterville
airplane factory.
I was in charge of security.
You mean they were
making aeroplanes here?
Why don't you two
come to bleedswell
with us?
Yeah, everyone else is going.
Newt Kiley, Ben Miller,
Roy trendell.
No, thanks. And i--i think
you're making a mistake.
Well, it ain't
the first mistake I ever made.
That's the first one.
You ain't
no prize package.
Well, maybe I ain't,
but I'm wrapped a little
better than you are.
One more crack and pow,
you'll be takin' off
like one of them
mokker rockets.
Oh, Doris, we can fight
on the bus. Come on.
Aren't we ever going
to see you again?
Sure, honey. We'll be back
next Chinese new year.
Yeah, we'll bring you back
a big bag of cracked crab.
Come on, Doris.
Well, goodbye. Bye, now.
Come on, Arnold.
That's a good boy.
[Squealing]
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Oliver, all of
our friends are leaving.
Can't we do something
about it?
What can we do?
Well, maybe we could
get them to open up
a defensive plant here.
Lisa, that's a silly idea.
So I was saying to my wife,
the only way to get people
to stay in hooterville
is open up a small
defensive pla-- uh, uh,
defense plant here.
Say, that's a good idea
Mrs. Douglas had.
Whoever thought of it,
it's worth looking into.
What kind of plant
did Mrs. Douglas suggest?
Uh,
look, Mr. Ziffel told me
that during the war, you had
an airplane factory here, huh?
Well, if you had
enough skilled people
to make airplanes,
certainly somebody ought to
be able to open up a factory
to make small parts
for missiles, electronic
equipment, that kind of thing.
Doggone, Mr. Douglas.
That wife of yours
sure thinks things out.
Look, while we're
standing here talking,
everybody's waiting
to get on haney's bus
for bleedswell at 12:00.
Oh, that's not leaving.
It broke down.
It might leave tomorrow.
Well, why don't you do
something about it
before it's too late?
How would it be if I called
an emergency meeting
of the town council tonight
and we'll see
what we can think up?
Ok, why don't we put it
to a vote?
All those in favor,
raise your hands.
Ok.
Now that we voted
to have the factory,
I suggest we appoint
Mr. Douglas president,
because his wife
suggested the idea.
Just a second.
I think I'm better qualified
than he is.
All right, Roy.
We'll put it to a vote.
All those in favor
of Mr. Douglas,
raise your hands.
Those against.
The vote is 4
for Mr. Douglas
and one sorehead against.
Well, shall we go tell
Mr. Douglas the good news?
It's too late.
It's nearly 9:00.
Oh, all right, Fred.
We'll tell him first thing
in the morning.
Meeting adjourned.
Sam, I still say
I should be the president.
Roy, you heard the vote.
Oh, hello, fellows.
Morning, Mrs. Douglas.
Morning.
Uh, come in, come in.
Uh, would you like
to have some coffee?
Yes, ma'am.
Either of you got a cup?
Don't think so, no.
Well, I'll see
if I can find one.
If I can't find a coffee cup,
would tea be all right?
Uh, Mrs. Douglas,
we came to see Mr. Douglas.
Oh. Oh, he's in the bedroom.
Well, I'll get you
some coffee or tea,
whichever the cups are.
He ain't awake yet.
Well, I didn't come here
to watch him sleep. Hey!
[Whistling]
Wake up. Come on.
What are you doing here?
It's 7:30.
Do you sleep
this late everyday?
Well, i--
we don't want
a president that spends
half the day sleeping.
President of what?
He ain't very well informed
for a president.
Roy, be quiet.
Uh, Mr. Douglas,
town council met last night
and we voted to reopen
the hooterville airplane
company that we had here
during the war.
The hooterville air--
and for suggestin' it,
we're making you president.
You're making me--
don't he ever
finish his sentence?
Well, i--
there he goes again.
Roy.
Well, Mr. Douglas,
what do you say?
When I suggested
a small defense plant
to keep people from
moving to bleedswell,
i--i never meant anything as
ambitious as making airplanes.
That requires
millions of dollars.
You gotta have a contract...
Well, if you were
any kind of a president,
you'd know we have a contract.
You have a contract?
He finally said
a whole sentence.
We sure have,
Mr. Douglas.
With the United States army.
During the war, they gave us
an order to build 32 planes.
And we only built 26 of 'em.
So we still have
6 more to build for 'em.
You have 6 more
to build for them?
That's what he said.
You don't have
to repeat everything.
What are you gonna use
for a factory?
Same as we did Durin'
the war, Simpson's barn.
All we gotta do is get
Simpson's cow out of there.
You think you can build
jet planes in a barn?
They ain't jets.
Show him the picture, Sam.
Here you are,
Mr. Douglas.
(Sam)
That's the first plane that
come off the assembly line.
(Oliver)
That's a Jenny.
A world war I plane.
Well, what war did you think
we built 'em for?
I thought...
That's where I made
my mistake.
Mr. Drucker, look,
you're a sensible man.
You say you have a contract.
That contract
was made in 1917.
It's null and void
by now.
No, it ain't.
Show him
the contract, Sam.
On the last page.
Clause 47.
Wanna borrow
my glasses?
No!
Ah. And, uh...
So and so and so--
"the United States army
further stipulates
that said airplanes
may be delivered anytime
at the company's discretion."
This means they didn't
specify a delivery date.
Read on.
[Murmuring]
"It is further agreed that
this contract is irrevocable,
"and cannot be cancelled
by either party,
for any reason."
How did you get the army
to sign a contract like this?
Brad fenton
rammed it through.
Yeah, ol' Brad, he was
sure a great rammer.
They don't make rammers
like Brad anymore.
You'd better get dressed.
We got a lot to do.
Yeah, we gotta
clean up the barn,
we gotta, uh, put the ad
in the paper,
write the letter
to the air force
in Washington.
You're writing a letter to--
he's starting again.
We gotta let 'em know
we're gonna fulfill
the contact.
Oh, boy.
I'd give anything to be there
when they open it.
The secretary of defense
received this letter
this morning, sir.
Thought you might know
something about it.
Ah, who's it from?
The hooterville
airplane company.
The hooterville?
They say they're
about to start production
on the 6 jn-4s you ordered.
Well, I'm glad somebody's...
Jn-4s? Let me see that.
May I ask, sir, is that
the new night fighter?
Jennys.
Oh. That's a good
code name for them, sir.
I imagine hooterville
is a code name, too.
I don't even know
what a hooterville is.
6 Jennys?
Are they
swept-wing jobs, sir?
Uh, no, no. They're--
how old are you, sergeant?
22, sir.
Ah.
Come on over here.
That is a Jenny.
Why did you order
6 of them, sir?
I didn't order them!
But the letter--
is from some nut!
A wonder we ever win a war
with some of the crackpots
we've got in this country.
Come on, Arnold.
Halt. Who goes there?
Oh, it's me, Mr. Ziffel.
Where do you think
you're going?
Inside.
You got a pass?
What do I need a pass for?
Security.
We're makin' war planes
in here, you know.
Yes, I know.
How come?
It's supposed to be a secret.
I'm the president
of whatever this is.
There ain't nobody goin'
in here unless they got
a pass or a badge.
Where do I get a badge?
Over there.
Here you are.
Get your security badges here.
No admittance to the plant
without a security badge.
Mr. Haney.
Howdy, Mr. Douglas.
What can I do for you?
Mr. Ziffel says
I need a badge.
Yes, sir. What color
would you like?
I don't know.
What difference does it make?
Well, the white one
will give you entry
to the cafeteria,
the men's washroom
and the employee's sundeck.
The red one
will give you access
to the first 3 cow stalls
in the main floor,
but will not allow you use
of the executive coffee pot.
Now, the yellow one--
Mr. Haney, I'm trying
to keep it quiet,
but I'm the president
of this happy academy.
The president!
Well, then you'll want
the gold badge.
There you are.
That'll be $7.
$7?
Well, it's deductible.
Fine. Deduct it
from my salary.
[Squealing]
It's all right,
I got a badge.
Mind lettin' me see it?
That ain't no good.
It ain't got your
security photograph on it.
Ah, for...
Well, where do I get
one of those?
Over there.
Smile.
Just a minute, buddy.
I beg your pardon?
No one allowed in here
without a badge.
I've got a badge.
Oh, a gold one.
You must be
one of the brass.
No, if you were
one of the brass,
you'd have a brass badge.
Don't tell me you work here.
Yes, I'm the plant manager.
I manage these plants.
I should've let everybody
go to bleedswell.
This is bamboo.
We make the airplane wings
out of 'em.
When these are 6 feet tall,
they'll be cut down,
bent into shape,
glued to the airplane,
covered with fabric, doped,
the air force insignia
painted on them,
and then off we go
into the wild blue yonder.
Say, that might make
a good song.
♪ Off we go
into the wild blue yonder ♪
♪ with our wings glued on
and our fabrics doped ♪
Yeah,
that's very catchy.
I'll hum that
all the way home.
Well, I'm glad if I made
your day
a little bit brighter.
Well, not brighter.
The last weather report said--
look, look, please.
Can you tell me where
I'll find Mr. Drucker?
Oh, yeah, I guess he's
over there in the, uh,
fuselage room.
[Murmurs]
There. Take a look
at it now, Ralph.
One side's
a little higher
than the other.
Oh, we can compensate
for that
by puttin' the longer wing
on the lower side.
Excuse me.
Oh, howdy doody.
Don't howdy doody him
till you see his badge.
Here.
Gee, a gold one.
What can we do
for you, Goldie?
Well, I'll...
What is this?
Well, you're the president.
Don't you know a fuselage
when you see one?
Yes, I know one
when I see one,
but I don't see one.
That's the thanks we get
for giving up
$1.50 an hour job
as astrophysicists
at bleedswell.
Don't take it
seriously, Ralph.
He's just sore at us 'cause
we didn't finish his bedroom.
Well, we're sorry
about that, Mr. Douglas.
But our country
comes first.
Yes, you might as well
do it to them for a while.
What did he
mean by that?
Who knows?
Hand me the plans.
Aren't they pretty?
We couldn't find
the original plans,
so we got these
out of the model airplane kit.
How are you going to use--
oh, we're blowin' 'em up
to life size.
I've seen enough.
(Ralph)
Oh, just a minute.
We got a problem,
Prez.
We're runnin' out
of nails and wood.
We're gonna need
some money to buy 'em.
Oh, well, that's simple.
Uh, you're making these planes
for the air force,
why don't you just
write to them?
Tell them how much you need.
No wonder
he's president.
You notice how fast he makes
those snap decisions?
Yup.
[Clears throat]
Take a letter.
Dear air force,
"kindly forward
your check for $83.19,
"so that we can buy
the nails and the lumber
to finish the 6 jn-4s
you ordered."
General, i--i don't
quite understand.
Why did you order
6 world war I Jennys?
I didn't order them!
Now, look, Mr. Travis,
the reason
I asked you over here
is that I thought maybe
the attorney-general's office
could tell me if this contract
really still is in force.
January, 1918?
Where has this been?
In the sub-basement
of the Smithsonian institute.
Look at clause 47.
"Non-cancelable."
Who signed this?
"Woodrow..."
I can't quite make out
that last name.
The point is,
is it still valid?
I'm afraid it is.
You'd better
send them the $83,
or the government
will be in breach.
It isn't the money,
it's the...
W-When those 6 Jennys
show up here,
how am I gonna explain it
to you-know-who upstairs?
Well, have you tried talking
to anyone at this hooterville
airplane company?
Ah.
Who runs it?
Uh, the letter mentions
someone by the name
of Oliver Wendell Douglas.
It might be a good idea
to call this Douglas,
and see if you can
reason with him.
I'll do better than that.
Sergeant, have my plane ready.
I'm taking off for hooterville
in half an hour.
We're approaching
hooterville, sir.
Never heard of a town
that didn't have an airport.
We're coming over target, sir.
Jump!
All right.
Easy, easy.
He forgot to yell
Geronimo.
Look,
you blithering idiot,
I tell you,
I'm gen. Sloat.
Keep movin'.
What you got there, Roy?
A spy.
I'm not a spy, you stupid--
oh, I suppose you jump out
of airplanes for fun, huh?
Go on, inside.
Ho-hold it! He can't go
in there without a badge.
Oh, yeah.
What do we do with him?
Shoot him.
Ok.
[Yells]
[Squealing]
Not in front of Arnold.
Better take him over to
Mr. Douglas and see what
he wants to do with him.
Everybody was leaving town
to make mokker rockets.
So I suggest a little
defense plant.
The next thing I know,
they're building airplanes.
And I'm the president.
That's the way they do things
here in hooterville.
I am not interested in--
general, would you like
to have another cup?
Oh, please.
[Crockery smashing]
Thank--thank you.
[Clearing throat]
Uh, a-about those,
uh, Jennys...
General, that's an
ironclad contract,
you're going to have to accept
delivery on the planes.
There's nothing
I can do about it.
There's quite a dossier
on you in Washington.
I noticed you were a flier.
Yes, sir.
You never resigned
your commission.
You're still
in the air force reserve.
Yeah, I guess I am.
You are herby ordered
back to active duty.
What?
We are making you
chief test pilot
for the hooterville
airplane company.
And I'm proud to turn
this bottle of champagne
over to Mrs. Douglas,
so she can christen
the first jn-4
off the hooterville airplane
company's assembly line.
[All applauding]
Thank you.
Oh, wait a minute.
One more thing.
Be sure to stick around,
because right after
the christening,
lt. Douglas is gonna fly
this plane up to 10,000 feet,
and bring her down
in a full power dive.
Go ahead, Mrs. Douglas.
I christen you
miss hootersville.
Long may you fly.
Well, back to
the drawing board.
(Lisa)
this has been a filmways
presentation, darling.