Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 7, Episode 3 - Truly Content - full transcript

Susan discovers that some of her best moves are being copied by a competitor; Gabrielle hires a private detective to look into an important matter, unbeknownst to Carlos; Lynette is stunned when Tom's doctor prescribes a rather unorthodox remedy for his depression; and Renee invites a reluctant Bree to go clubbing with her to engage in some local man-hunting.

Previously on...

Susan showed a certain flair
for her new job.

There you go.
You're getting good at this.

Renee rented a house.

- That is so...
- Wonderful?


- There's something I have to tell you.
- Gaby learned the truth

about her daughter
being switched at birth.

Paul Young
continued to surprise everyone.

I see you've all met my wife.

And Tom came home
with a mysterious affliction.

I'm not feeling well.


I'm just gonna lie on the couch
and watch some TV.

Tom Scavo was depressed,

and his wife had done
everything she could

to cheer him up.

She had made his favorite meals.

She had told her funniest jokes.

She'd even worn her
sexiest lingerie.

But nothing worked.


Lynette insisted her husband
go to the doctor.


what he came home with

was a prescription

for trouble.

Antianxiety medication?

This is what he gave you?

Dr. Weiler says it will help.

He spent 20 minutes with you.

Let me guess.

Did he write this
with a drug company's pen?

I need this medicine.

Then take it, but I gotta tell ya,

those drugs
scare the crap out of me.

I gotta do something.
I am so tired of feeling this way.

But you've gone through
rough patches before.

You could come out of it.

Wait around to get better?

That's your answer?

You don't know what it's like
inside my head!

You're right.
I'm sorry.


when Susan kept having
all those headaches?

Who was that guy that she went to?

Doctor... Ross.

- How is he gonna be any different?
- He's holistic.

He tries to stay away
from heavy meds.

Susan loved him.

And if he says I should be on this?

Then you have a second opinion.

Whatever he says, I'll go with it.

I saw Dr. Ross.

I'm so glad.

Did you like him?

Loved him.

And you were right.
He doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals.

He only prescribes stuff
that's totally herbal and natural.

That is fantastic.

So what did he suggest?

Medical marijuana.

Tom Scavo had been
battling depression,

but he was now facing
a much bigger battle

with his wife.

Wisteria Team


It's something we all want,

and so we search for it.

Little girls find it
in the taste of chocolate.

Well-dressed men discover it
at their local mall.

Teenage boys experience it

when talking to a pretty girl.

And then there are housewives,

who simply can't be happy

until they've learned
everything they can

about the newest neighbor
on the block.

So sorry to interrupt.
This will just take a second.

We wanted to officially welcome
you to the neighborhood.

This is my friend Lynette and Susan,

and I was telling them about you,
and we...

- Just had to meet you.
- Immediately.

That's so sweet.

You're my landlady, right?

Yes, but I really want you
to think of me as a friend.

Are those pictures hung on the wall
with nails or...

We wanted to invite you
to our weekly poker game.

I don't know how to play poker.

Don't worry. We'll teach you.

Does that ficus tree have a saucer
underneath? Those are hardwood floors.

While you're learning
about Texas Hold'em,

we'll learn about you.

That sounds fun.

We should be going.
We'll see you later.

What did those women want?

They invited me
to play cards with them.

But they were just being friendly.

On this street,

never confuse being nosy
with being friendly.

They were digging for dirt.

Do you not want me to go?

You will go.

Give them all sorts
of meaningless information.

And hopefully, they'll start
to think of you as a friend.

But if you don't like them,

why do you want me
to be friends with them?

In time, it will be useful.

Where's the pen?

Don't you wanna read it first?

Why? Did a nurse get drunk
and swap it with a different document?

By signing this, Mr. Solis,

you are agreeing not to bring
any legal action against this hospital.

Do you understand?

In return, you'll stop searching
for the other family.

Do you understand?


Babe, we talked about this.

We don't know how
this other family will react,

and we need to protect Juanita.

I am sorry, Gabrielle.

I can only imagine
how you must feel.

You can't begin to imagine
how I feel.

The only person who could
is the woman who has my daughter.

If signing can spare her
this pain...

Then I will do it.

I love it!

Somehow I get the feeling
you don't love it.

I don't love it.
It's just so...


Trust me. This will be great.

Besides, when you're in the room,
nobody's looking at the walls anyway.

You certainly know
how to sell yellow.

Excuse me.

I hear you're gettin' divorced.

And good morning to you.

I'm getting divorced, too.

So we both need guys.
I'm thinking we should hang.

I don't know how much Lynette
has told you about me,

but I'm really not one for...

Look, one woman at a bar
is just sad.

But two, and it's girls' night out.

So what do you say?

You up for a little stud hunting?

That's a lovely offer,
but I think I'm gonna pass.

Come on.

We gotta get back in the game,

cut loose,

let our hair down.

That hair does come down,
doesn't it?

Really, Renee, that is just not
how I like to meet men.

How else you gonna meet 'em,
sittin' around your house?

You'd be surprised.

- You've met someone already?
- Maybe.

A beautiful, classy woman

who can get a man
without leaving the house.

I don't see us being friends.

I don't know

how everything gets so dirty

in here.

Is that a piece of lint?

It got my apron!

I'd better sign off

before I'm completely naked.

See you tomorrow, boys.

I'm busy!

Honey, it's Maxine!

A star is born!

Did you watch?

Not only did I watch, I kvelled.

I have to admit,
I am sort of getting into it.

That thing with the vacuum
just came to me.

That's how it happens
with the great ones.

Here's a bonus for you.

What's this for?

A little something I do for the girl
who gets the most hits in a month.

You just unseated Stacy Strauss,

and with the caboose on her,

that's not easy.

You're so good to me.

Mike and I are finally starting
to save some money.

Don't save it all.

Buy yourself something nice.

You deserve it.

By the way,

have you decided what you're gonna do
for tomorrow's show?

I'm gonna damp mop in bikini briefs.

Are you trying to make me cry?

Bye, doll.

This is a great sandwich.

What's in it?

It's nothing.

Just a little Parma ham
cured by Italian monks

and some cave-aged gruy?re,

and of course
I make my own fig mustard.

Cooking is a passion of mine.

Of course, it's not much fun
cooking for one.

If you're free this weekend...

Babe, you gotta try this sandwich.
It rocks.

This is my boss, Mrs. Van De Kamp.
This is Stephanie, my girlfriend.

You have a girlfriend?

Of course you have...

A girlfriend who's young and pretty.

Nice to meet you.

I'm sorry, Bree.
What were you about to ask me?

It's, wasn't important.

You enjoy your sandwich.

Inside, over there.

Let the stud hunt begin.

Come on.
We're gonna get started.

You okay?

Let's play cards.

When I was 8, daddy left mama,

we were pretty much alone.

Most of my friends were either
stuffed or plastic.

Of course, there were always
mama's boyfriends,

but as soon as I'd learn their names,
mama would kick them out,

and there'd be
a new toothbrush in the bathroom.

Let me know if I'm sharing too much.

Not at all.

Keep pouring the chardonnay.
She's cracking like an egg.

Okay, quarter ante.

Beth, how did you and Paul
meet anyway?

I don't wanna bore you.

We won't be bored.
More chardonnay?

I saw his picture in the paper
during his trial,

there was something about those eyes

that spoke to me.

What about the headline?

"Arrested for murder".
That didn't speak to you?

I'll admit that gave me pause.

But then we started corresponding,

and I discovered
what a wonderful man

Paul really is.

Bree, let's forget about hittin'
the clubs tomorrow night.

Clearly, all the best guys
are on death row.

But, you can't help
who you fall in love with, right?

And Paul's a real lady-killer.

We always fogged up
the plexiglas with that one.

It's good that you can laugh
about it.

The thing is,

in my heart, I always knew
he was innocent,

and I was right.

Well, he is.

So let's play cards.

What are you doing?

Preparing to take my medicine.

I've heard that an increase
in appetite's a possible side effect,

I'm taking
the necessary precautions.

Necessary precautions
being your own weight in cheese doodles?

I never smoked pot before,
so I wanna be prepared.

- Headphones?
- Pink Floyd.

Apparently, it complements
the medicinal properties of...

Blueberry bliss.

Listen to you.

You are loving this.

Tom the college nerd

gets to finally smoke
pot and be cool.

I was plenty cool in college.

The only reason
I didn't smoke back then

was because I signed abstinence pledge
with my Dungeons & Dragons club.

What do you say?

Care to join me out back
behind the garage

for a little doobage?


That's what you're calling
your medicine now?

Come on. You need to
take this seriously.

I am.


'Cause I'm pretty sure
I've never asked you

to join me behind the garage
to split a midol.

You said you would go with this.

I know, but how is it gonna look
to the kids?

I don't want them
seeing their dad stoned.

You don't have to worry
about them seeing me stoned.

They'll never know.

What do you wanna do Saturday night?

I was thinking

that we could go to Chez Naomi.

Isn't our price range
more Chez chicken hut?

Mike, it's our anniversary.

Besides, we've been working really hard.
We deserve it.

Bring your big purse 'cause we're taking
the dinner rolls home.

Chez Naomi?

Expensive place.

Yeah, I guess it is.

Must be nice.

Have we met?

I'm in 1b.

I know who you are.

I'm 1f.

Stacy Strauss.

You're one of Maxine's...

It's nice to meet you.

Guess we...

kind of do the same thing.

Sometimes we do
exactly the same thing.

- What?
- I keep an eye on the competition.

You lifted one of my moves.

No, I didn't.

You expect me to believe
you just woke up one day,

decided to put a feather duster
in your mouth?

You do that?

It's my signature bit,

and you stole it.

I swear...

I don't watch
the other girls perform.

So I guess it's just a coincidence.

Here's another coincidence...
You're getting the big bonus check,

I'm not.

That's not... really what
you'd call a coincidence.

- That's more...
- All right.

Just keep the duster
out of your mouth.

And watch your back.

Everything okay?

I am wasted.


I am Lucy

in the sky high.

This must be pretty intense for you.

Don't forget.

Tomorrow we have to trombone 3-d
banana patch.


Man, this is really strong stuff.

Snow shovel.


I was just upstairs
watching Paige sleep,

with her little fingers
and her little toes.

I must've watched her for,
like, an hour.

She's just so perfect.

And I am so...


I couldn't feel happier
than I do right now.

I mean just so happy it's working.

What do you think?

Does this say "Happy anniversary, Mike.
I'll love you forever"?

I think it says "credit card declined".
Aren't you and Mike on a budget?

But things are starting
to turn around lately.

- I've been selling a lot of my jewelry.
- Get out!

Out there and keep selling.

Hello, silk!

How I've missed your soft touch.

I'm going to the dressing room.

You two have fun.


You're not my mommy.

Are you lost?
What's your name?


You scared me!
I couldn't find you.

I have a little girl, too.

Sometimes they get distracted
and wander off.

Let's go.


How old is she?


My daughter's 8.

When's your birthday?

We've really gotta go.

What hospital was she born in?

Was it Fairview memorial?

Standing there in the mall,
it just hit me.

I can't spend the rest of my life

wondering if every little girl I see
is my daughter.

Not knowing where she is,

it's like my heart
living outside of my body.

I have to find her.

There's a private Detective I work with.
But Sanchez is a pretty common name.

It's not surprising the hospital
couldn't find 'em.

I know something the hospital doesn't.
When I was in labor,

the other woman's mother
came into my room by mistake,

and we got to talking.
She lived in el Paso,

and she was so excited
to have her granddaughter baptized

at Santa Maria's church.

That's gonna help.

So you think you can find her?

We'll do our best.

Carlos is on board with this, right?


Okay, then give me ten porterhouse.

I just came by
to pick up my envelope for the week.

Okay. Inside.

And don't listen
to this conversation.

It's about your Christmas gift.

I'm buying all my girls steaks.
You got a preference?

Whatever meat you put
in my stocking will be fine.

That sounds dirty. Use that.

I'm back.

What else have you got for me?

Rib eye?

I like it.

Is that a piece of lint?

That's my bit.


I'm on with the meat guy.

But Stacy Strauss
is stealing my vacuum bit!

If she's gonna do that, at least
teach her how to use the nozzle.

Hey there. I'm ready to party.

Are you?

'Cause you look like you're ready
to tour the Reagan library.

This is a cocktail cardigan.
Look closely. The buttons are shiny.

Where's your closet?

I have never seen
so many sweater sets.

Are you sure this is a closet
and not a portal to the 1950s?

There is nothing wrong
with my clothing.

Bree, you're going to a hot young club
full of hot young people.

You need to dress the part.

Well, I happen to find it distasteful
when mutton is dressed as lamb.

Look, when women go out clubbing,
there's two ways they can pair up...

Pretty girl/pretty girl
or pretty girl/grenade.

Which do you wanna be?


Now we're getting somewhere.

Love the plunging neckline.

That's the back.

This place is dead.


I forgot we were in the sticks.

Everyone hooked up early

so they could be home
in time for "nightline".

Actually, tonight's "nightline"
sounds very interesting.

- It's about the genocide in...
- Hold on.

Fresh talent at the end of the bar.

That's my contractor.

Call me a fixer-upper.

Don't bother.

He's got a girlfriend.

If I don't see her,

she doesn't exist.

What's so funny?

My girlfriend's about to make a fool
of herself.

She's hitting on that guy,
and I happen to know

he has a very beautiful,
very young girlfriend.

You talking about Keith?

You know him?

And Stephanie dumped him
this afternoon,

which is why he's here,
drowning his sorrows.

I didn't recognize you.

Keith, what a lovely surprise.
I didn't know you were here.

But I'm bagging.

I gotta work tomorrow.

Boss is pretty strict.

Good. I mean, yes, I'm very strict.

See you in the morning.

There ya go.

That's how you bait the hook.

I won't need a ride.
I'm going home with Keith.

I don't think so.
He just left.

He's pulling the car around.

Now you think I should play

the "I hate going into
a dark house alone" card,

or the more blatant
"I'm not wearing underwear"?

'Cause I'm not.

Okay, before you do anything hasty,

he just broke up with his girlfriend.
He's very fragile.

I'll be careful when I unwrap him.

Renee, wait.
Please don't go home with Keith.


He's the one you like, isn't he?

I am thinking about you.
You don't want to come off like a slut.

then chip won't ask me to the prom.

Renee, wait! What about me?

It's getting late.

Stay in the dim light
and don't play hard to get.

Keith, hi. It's Bree.

I don't know if you're in bed yet,
but I'm having a bit of an emergency.

Thank you. That's lovely.

Why would somebody do
something like this?

Far be it from me
to understand the minds of hooligans.

I'm so sorry to call you
over here at this hour.

It's okay.

I wasn't doing anything special.


I would love to show

my appreciation.

Perhaps one night this week,
I could make you dinner.

You mean...

Like a date?

We don't have to put a label on it.

Just two adults eating...

Food together.

Calling it a date is quicker.

Well, I see no reason to argue.

Shall we say...

08 P.M. on Thursday?

McCluskey, right?

I was hoping I might see you
at the girl's poker game.

Not anymore.

You get caught with a couple of aces
in your bra, and you're banned for life.

Couldn't help but notice
they don't seem

to like my husband very much.

Do you know why that is?

Nope. Nobody tells me anything.

Mrs. McCluskey,
I really need to know.

Fine. They think he's a murderer.

But he was exonerated.
Felicia Tillman framed him.

Yeah, for that crime.

What do you mean?

Before Felicia showed up around here,
her sister Martha was murdered.

And, all due respect, you're shacking up
with suspect number one.

Does everybody think that?

Felicia may be a few fingers short
of a high five,

but if she's crazy, we all are.

Well, that's enough dusting

for today, boys.

I guess all that's left
is a little vacuuming.

Get the vacuum.

I think I got some schmutz
on my apron.

Get that off.

I love this show.

Hello, boys.

For those of you who might be
switching over from other channels,


I have a very dirty apartment.

Open up!

Little busy!

I know you did it.

Did what?
I don't know what you're talking about.

So you're not just a thief.
You're a liar.

Be careful

how you talk to me,
you gigantic freak.

I am about to slap that cheap blush
right off your face.

Is that supposed to scare me,
man hands?

I'm gonna show you a whole new place
to stick that feather duster.

Well, I'm sure wherever it is,
you copied the idea from watching me.

- I need those bonus checks!
- So do I!

I am trying to get out
of this business!

And you think I wanna spend
the rest of my life

dusting in my underwear?

You're off camera!

Roll left.

I'm so glad you're here.

What are you doing?

She attacked me.

'Cause she broke
into my apartment and...

Hang on.

This isn't a bit?

No! I was in the middle
of doing my show,

and she burst in here
and started hitting me.

Did you do that?

Yes, but...

You know the rules, Strauss!

You never, ever interrupt a show!
Now go to your room.


I said go.

You all right?

- Yeah.
- All right. Good.

I gotta call tech support.

You girls had so many hits,
it fried my router.

A roving gang of hooligans
destroyed your sprinklers?

- Shameful, isn't it?
- You know what I think?

I think this is the hair work
of a lonely, desperate woman.

You left out "resourceful."

Nobody steals a man out of my bed.

But you know what?

I've been looking for a new hobby,
and taking you down is as good as any.

I think you'd be wise

to stick to your original hobby
of forgoing undergarments.

Be seeing you, Bree.

Looking forward to it.

Maxine says I can't go back online
until I apologize to you, so...

I apologize.

And I thought
your acting was bad on the web site.

Fine. I am sorry, okay?
I shouldn't have stolen your bit.

What was going through your mind?

I freaked out
when I didn't get that bonus check.

See, my family's in Virginia,
and I'm saving up to move back home.

I know what that's like.

And even with that extra money,
I feel like I'm living week to week.


'Cause when I broke
in your apartment,

I noticed that you had
some awfully nice stuff.

Flat screen TV,

closet full of new clothes.

I know.

Probably shouldn't have
bought all that.

But you know how it is.

Every once in a while,
you want a little splurge.

Yeah, I get that.


definitely by the end of the year,
I'm going to be outta here.

Me, too.

How long have you been doing this?

I guess I'm going on six years.

Would you mind if we just stayed home
and ordered Chinese for our anniversary?

Wait. No suit?

No tie?

No pretentious euro waiter listing
specials that I can't understand?

Dang it, Susan! Why?

Seriously, why'd you change your mind?
I thought you wanted a little treat.

I think we should save that money

and stay focused
on what we're trying to do.

And we can have a fancy dinner
and celebrate

when we move back home.

I had a lovely time
at the poker game the other day.


What's the neighborhood saying
about me?


For starters,

a lot of people seem
to think you killed...

What's her name?

Martha something.


I guess Felicia Tillman
spread her poison pretty wide.

I guess she did.

I'm not a murderer, you know.

I know.

But I fell in love with you
before I knew that,

so even if you were...

I'm always gonna be on your side.

Remember that.

Everything okay?
You look a little...

It's been an intense couple weeks.

I'm sorry, buddy.

What if I told you

I could ease some of that stress?

You're not gonna offer me
a back rub?

A mind rub.

You got this from a doctor?

Really cool doctor.

Now I gotta warn you,

this stuff is chronic.

I got totally baked off
of it this morning.

I did not have you pegged
as a stoner.


There's a lot
that you don't know about me.

I hate to break this to you, but...
This isn't pot.

Tell me that

in five minutes when we are soaring
past the rings of Saturn.

Trust me, cheech. This is oregano.

No way.
I bought it at a legit dispensary.

Somebody must have switched it on you,
the only thing getting baked with it

- is lasagna.
- Who would do that?

- You!
- Jeez. You scared me.

I know what you did.

Whatever do you mean?

Yeah. That was me.

This isn't funny, Lynette!

You thought you were getting stoned
on a pizza topping.

It's a little funny.

My sense of betrayal
is huge at this moment.

Why don't you snort some baking powder?
You'll feel better.

I'm glad you're enjoying this.

Glad you enjoy making a fool of me.

That was not my intention.

I only threw out the pot
because I didn't think you needed it,

and you know, I was right.
You got happy all on your own.

Don't try to justify what you did

by making it seem
like some sort of "master plan."

It wasn't a master plan.
I lucked out

because for some reason,
while you were...

high on oregano,

you made a decision
to live in the moment.

You stood over our daughter's crib
and you let go of the stress

and the fear, and you focused
on the good in your life.

But I am sorry I tricked you.

You're evil.

I should have expected it.

Where are you going?

To look at our beautiful daughter.

Then I gotta turn that bong
I made back into a lamp.

- Anything?
- We found them.

My God. What'd they say?

I haven't called them yet.
Are you sure you still wanna do this?

What? Yes, of course.

You need to realize,
once we call these people,

and they know what's happened,

it'll change your family forever.

Call them.

Juanita, come here.

I didn't do it.

I know.

I was putting on some makeup.
I thought you might like some.

Can you put
the big fake eyelashes on me?

Of course,


big rosy cheeks.

Look how grown-up you are.

Before you know it,
you're gonna be going to college,

have boyfriends, get married.

I'm not getting married.

I don't wanna leave you and daddy...

Do you know how much I love you?

To the moon and back.

That's right.

No matter what happens,

I will always love you
to the moon and back.

I need to sit down
with you and Gaby.


I just called the family.

It got pretty intense.

What are you talking about?

And now in a selection
from Dior's fall line,

the world's newest supermodel...

Hold the world in contempt.

That's it.
Now you look like a model.

Hi, daddy.

What's wrong?

I just spoke to Bob.

Sweetie, why don't you go to your room?
And I'll be there in a sec.

How could you have done this?

We talked about this! We agreed.

No, you agreed. You rushed me

into signing that paper
without giving me a chance

- to think about what I was doing.
- You understand what could happen?

She is our flesh and blood,
and she's out there!

I need to know how she's doing.
I need to know she's okay!

And what if they want Juanita back?

They can take her from us.
They can do that now!

They're not gonna give up
their daughter.

We don't know that!
We don't know anything about them!

You have no idea
what you've started here!


Coming, sweetie!

If this ends badly,

I will never forgive you.

I mean it, Gabrielle.

We're done.


It's something
everyone searches for.

Some are sure they'll find it
once they've moved back home.

Some think they'll find it

by making a new friend.

Some hope to find it

once they've defeated
the competition.

Then there are those who stop searching
for happiness

because they look up one day
to discover...

It was right there in f of them

all the time.