Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 4, Episode 14 - Opening Doors - full transcript

???

it happens in every marriage.

couples accumulate
lovely things-

things that make a house
a home.

but when the home is broken,
these things must be divided.

the most dignified way
to do this

is for each spouse

to keep what is
most important to them.

and bree and orson hodge
were nothing...

if not dignified

i assume you'll want
the pewter cat.



that was my gift to you.

you adored it, as i recall.

that's why i'm giving you
the choice.

and what about that hummel
from your aunt?

it's ugly as sin,

but she insists
that it's valuable.

you keep it.
keep everything.

there's only one thing
in this house that i want.

i know, but i'm the one thing
you can't have.

please,
you have to forgive me.

orson,
every wife understands

that her husband
will make a few mistakes-

a forgotten anniversary,
the occasional harsh word,

but we all have to
draw the line somewhere,



and i'm drawing mine
at the attempted murder

of my best friend's husband.

bree, if i could open up
my heart

and show you how sorry i am,
i would, but i can't.

there must be something else
i could do.

there is one thing.

name it.

turn yourself in
to the police.

but the statute of limitations
hasn't run out.

they would arrest me.

and you'd probably go to prison.
yes, i could go away for years.

exactly, and if you could muster
that kind of moral courage,

i think
i could forgive you.

oh, come on.

i promise
i'll wait for you.

bree...

i can't go to prison.

very well.

so do you want the cat
or not?

in any separation,
it's only fair

that each spouse get to keep
what is most important to them.

that's how bree hodge
got to keep her pewter cat...

and orson hodge got
to hold on to...

his freedom.

the suburbs are flush
with a certain kind of fool.

you know the type-

the man who opens his door
to total strangers...

the woman who never
uses her latch.

it never occurs to them

that letting someone
into their home...

means letting them
into their lives.

hi. i'm ellie. i understand
you got a room to rent.

yeah, come on in.

so because of
my husband's disability,

our financial situation
has changed,

and we have this big house.

well, it's an amazing place,
and i love the room.

i can't believe
it's still available.

well, you know... anyhow, uh,
you have a great credit score.

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
what was that?

what was what?

ellie, did she just give me
a dirty look?

uh...

yeah, i thought so.

i'm sorry, ellie.

there's been some tension
between my husband and me.

see, the truth is, we could've
had the room rented by now

if my husband
wasn't so paranoid.

why, because i wouldn't let the swedish
bodybuilder move in? you're as blind as a fruit bat.

how would you know
if he's a bodybuilder?

i brushed up against him.
i felt his bicep. it was huge.

that wasn't his bicep.

why do you think
he rushed out of here?

okay, i normally dig this sort
of interpersonal stuff,

but i have a class in 20,
so back to me?

you're right, ellie.

my husband was
totally inappropriate.

so a class? are you a teacher?
actually, i'm an art student.

my life was working pretty well,
and so i decided to junk it

and learn how to paint fruit.
it's, uh, stupid, right?

no, it's gutsy.

well, we like you,
ellie,

and if you have
first and last months' rent,

we'd like you even more.
fantastic.

i just hit the bank,
so do you mind cash?

oh, no, i love cash.
cash and i go way back.

so are you okay with this,

or do you need
to grope her, too?

so that really wasn't
the guy's arm?

it had an elbow.

is this the clean pile?

'cause i'm not seeing it!

you know what?
do 'em all again.

this time,
use a little elbow grease.

how are they doing?

they are not suffering
enough for my taste.

are you sure that washing dishes
is the right punishment?

well, gee, i'm kind of
at a loss here, tom.

dr. spock didn't have a chapter
on how to punish your kids

for burning down a building. i just
don't feel like we're handling this right.

maybe we should take 'em
to therapy.

tom, they're not
serial killers.

they're two little boys

who were afraid their parents
were breaking up.

but still-

no. we can handle this
in-house.

we can make sure they never
do anything like this again.

fine.
we'll try it your way.

but this next month

is gonna be like boot camp
for these guys.

they are going to
be cleaning out the gutters,

taking out the trash,
mowing the lawns.

wait a second.
th
ose are your chores.

no time to talk.
dinner shift's starting.

okay, this is the place.

oh, here, let me throw that
away for you.

no, i'm not finished
with it.

it's a lamaze class.

i guarantee you i will not
be the only woman in there

holding a chimichanga.

wow. it's all couples.

i wish mike didn't have
that rehab thing tonight.

do you want me to stay?
i can skip the movie.

oh, no,
that's okay. i'll be fine.

okay. have fun.

quit eyeing it.
i ain't sharing.

okay, don't talk.
just listen.

remember last year
when i brought up

dad's new girlfriend,
and you said you never wanted

to hear another word about
one of his skanks again? yeah.

okay, well, i just spotted them
in the hallway,

and there's something
you should know.

oh... my god.

okay, you're all caught up. he got his
skank pregnant, and you didn't tell me?

i tried, remember? i said,
"dad and marisa are about to-"

and then you stopped me,
and then you said,

"talk to the hand," and i said, "no one says that anymore"
- okay, i get it.

one more thing.
they're married. see ya.

susie q.! what a small world!

look how fat you are.

hello, karl.

marisa, this is susan,
my ex-wife.

hello. it's so nice
to finally meet... you.

honey, i-i'm gonna go sign us in
and get us a couple mats.

okay.

can you believe this?

what are the chances we'd end up
having more kids, huh?

especially you.
what does that mean?

i'm just saying,
most eggs your age don't take.

power to you.

okay, clearly,
this is not going to work.

so why don't you
take your child bride

and find another class?

i know. she's young. makes you
wanna have work done, huh?

or should i say, more work
done? the only work i've had done

was getting 185 pounds of
ugly fat sucked out of my house.

you're jealous. i get it.

she's gorgeous, funny,
a law professor.

oh, no, no, no, th-those are not
the legs of a law professor.

not that she needs to work.

i just made partner
at my firm. thanks.

i keep telling her,
"slow down.

"if you need something to do,

why not oversee the remodel
of our new ski chalet?"

well, i better get back
to marisa.

and by the way,
you're dripping.

bye, mom. i'm leaving.

be home by 10:00.

10:00?
but it's almost 8:00 now.

yes, and it's also
a school night.

fine.
introduce me to this boy,

and we'll talk about
making your curfew later.

yeah,
maybe some other night.

sweetie, i'm gonna have to
meet him eventually.

it's just... i don't even know
if i like him yet.

when i do, you can meet him.

i'll be home by 10:00.

hey, dad.

hey, princess.

let's go. i'm starving.

honey, i can't find
my nail file. have you seen it?

is that some kind
of joke?

oh, right. i keep forgetting
you're useless.

i'm gonna see
if ellie has one.

hey, ellie,
you got a sec?

be right there.

hey, what's up?

hey, um...
oh, i'm sorry.

i didn't know
you were... entertaining.

hi. i'm gaby solis.

hey.

um, so what do you need?

oh, you know what?
it can wait.

i'll see you
in the morning.

okay, that was weird.

what?

earlier tonight, i saw a guy
coming out of ellie's room,

so i assumed
it was her boyfriend,

but just now i caught her
in there with another guy.

okay. so we have two tramps
living in our house.

that was for the "useless"
comment, wasn't it?

mm-hmm.
and it felt good.

oh, it sounds like
he's leaving.

i hope
it's not 'cause of me.

mm.

maybe i should go
apologize.

okay, there may be
two tramps in this house,

but only one of 'em
is getting paid.

hey, lynette.

ida's cat got out again.
you haven't seen him, have ya?

no, sorry.
i hope you find him.

well, if he's anything like ida,
he'll wander into my house drunk

the next time
"guiding light" is on.

wait. hold on.
i have to fix this.

this is so unfair.

yeah, i know. i hate her.

how come she's not
in trouble?

because we started the fire,
you idiot,

so now we have
to be punished.

i know, but it was her idea! boys?

who are you talking about?

kayla?

can i speak to you
for a second?

i guess.

i need to ask you something,

and i want you
to tell me the truth, okay?

did you have anything to do

with the fire
at rick's restaurant?

did someone say i did?

i'm looking for
a "yes" or "no" answer here.

i didn't start the fire.

no, the twins did,
but they say it was your idea.

it was a joke.

i didn't think
they'd actually do it.

kayla...

why would you even joke
about something like that?

we heard
you and daddy talking

about how rick wanted
to take you away.

porter was so mad.
he wanted to blow rick up.

preston told him
he could use dynamite.

i told them
that was stupid.

no one has dynamite
in their house.

but everyone has matches.

do you have any idea
what you've done?

someone
could have been killed.

but they weren't.

but it doesn'tmatter!

intentionally setting a fire
is a very serious crime.

don't you get that?

i do.

that's why i think it's good
you're punishing the twins.

they're really bad kids,

and they need to learn.

i told you
we'd be overdressed.

there's nothing wrong
with that.

it shows our respect
for lamaze,

and, you know,
the whole birthing process.

or it's that
your ex-husband's here.

karl? is he here?
oh, what a freakish-

don't even bother.
why didn't you just tell me?

'cause i knew you'd make us
switch to another class.

last time i was here,

karl kept throwing
his perfect life in my face,

and i just wanted
to come back here

and show him that we were doing
well, too. hence the sport coat.

"hence." that's classy.

say a lot of "hence"
when we see him.

susan, i'm not gonna lie
about who i am.

i'm not asking you to lie.
i'm just saying spin.

why won't you spin?
i don't know.

hey, plumber!
somebody clog a toilet?

i'm in.

hey, guys.

mike, you remember karl?

and this is karl's wife marisa. hello.

so how's things going?

you still spending
most of your time

with your head
under a sink?

actually, i hired
a couple of guys,

and they do all the work.

i just sit back
and cash the checks,

hence the sport coat.

yeah, you guys look fantastic.
i feel like such a slob.

kind of overdressed,
aren't you?

well, after this,
we have a big party to go to.

yeah, our social life
is just crazy these days.

seems like every night we have
some fancy party. just bananas.

why don't you ever
take me out?

hey, at least
i didn't ditch you

on the first day
of lamaze class.

i didn't ditch susan.
i was getting my 30-day chip.

what, you're like an alkie?

drugs, actually.
prescription drugs.

but i went through rehab,

and i'm clean now.

wow. congratulations.

okay, people, time to
get started. take your seats.

so your hubby's been in rehab?

that's just bananas.

wow.

i know.

turns out the whole thing
was kayla's idea.

well, i guess
porter and preston have

a new dishwashing buddy,
huh?

mm, no.

i think it goes
a little further than that.

i think we have

a seriously troubled
young girl.

she needs...
professional help.

like therapy?

you brought it up before,
and in this case,

i really don't think
we have a choice.

interesting.
so the boys, who actually

physically set the fire-
they don't need therapy,

but kayla, who only
talked about it-she does?

you didn't see her.
she just sat there,

playing with her doll
with this kind of eerie calm.

oh, she was calm. yeah,
better nip that in the bud.

no, you're missing my point.

no, i get your point.

there are different rules
for my kid

than there are for yours.

well... yeah.

think of what that poor girl
has been through.

and on top of that...

her mom
was kind of a psycho.

okay, you are saying
that kayla is a psycho now.

i am just saying,
apple... tree.

maybe not so far.

and i'm just saying,
my daughter is fine.

no therapy.

Orson, What Are
You Doing Here?

Bree,It's So Good To See You.
I Have Been Doing Some Thinking.

Yes,I Can Smell The
Thinking On Your Breath.

Are You Insane, Driving
In This Condition?

No,I Didn't. I Arrived Sober,
And I Drank While I Waited.

I Am A Law-Abiding Man.

Except For The
Occasional Hit-And-Run.

Ah,The Incident. That's
What I'm Here To Talk About.

I Am Prepared To
Meet Your Condition

And Go To The Police.

You Are?

Yes, I Have It
All Figured Out.

The Key Is The
Sleepwalking. Susan Saw It.

We'll Find A
Psychiatrist To Testify

That I Was Sleepwalking
When I Drove The Car.

It's Brilliant! No,It's
A Pathetic Fantasy

Fueled By Cowardice
And Amaretto Sours.

You Committed A
Crime,Orson. Face It.

Bree,I Just Want To
Come Home. Please!

Hey! I'm Glad You Two
Are Patching Things Up,

But Take The
Makeup Sex Inside.

Edie,Would You Do Me A Favor

And Take Orson Back
To His Apartment?

I Have To Let My Sitter Go
Home. Uh,All Right. Hop In.

Oh,No,Please. Don't
Make Me Go Back There.

The Other Divorced Men Are
Trying To Start A Book Club.

Oh,For God Sakes.

You Can Sleep It Off
On My Couch Tonight.

Now Hitch Up Your
Skirt And Get In.

Yeah. Yeah.

There Have Been Men
Coming Out Of Her Room

At All Hours Of The Night,

And I Saw Her
Counting A Wad Of Cash.

So Long Story Short,

I Need Your Help To Get
That Hooker Out Of My House.

What Do You Want Us To Do?

Well, I've Got
No Solid Evidence,

And She's Got A Lease.

So,Bob,I Was Hoping You
Could "Solicit" Her Services.

That Way I'll Have Proof.

You Do Know I'm Gay,Right?

Exactly. You People Are
Theatrical,And I Need

Someone I Can Count On To
Give A Decent Performance.

I Don't Know. I'll Do It.

What?

Well,No Offense.

I Just Think Bob Has A
Better Shot At Pulling It Off.

He's A Little More...

Butch. I Know.

You Hear That,Honey?

Please,The Only Way You'd Be
Convincing As A Straight Guy

Is If You Died And Came
Back As A Straight Guy.

I'm Sorry. Who Went To Their
Senior Prom With A Girl?

Yeah, Suzy Sellers,Gay Maker.

If You're Looking For
Butch, You Should Know

That I Played Tony
In "West Side Story"

To Rave Reviews.

He Also Made Out
With Officer Krupke

During Intermission.

Well,I Really Don't
Care Who Does It.

Just Get It Done.

And... Don't Wear That.

Ugh. Never Watch
A C-Section Film

If You Had A
Calzone For Lunch.

Everything Okay?

Did You Have To Tell
Karl About Rehab?

You Said I Didn't Have To
Lie. Yeah,But That Doesn't Mean

You Have To Go Blurting All
Our Deepest,Darkest Secrets.

It's Not Dark. It's
Part Of Who I Am.

Plus One Of The First Things
They Teach You In The Program Is

It's Not Healthy To Keep
Secrets. Hence,The Honesty.

Oh,Enough With The "Hence."

I'm Just Saying That
Some Things Are Private,

And I Think That
You Can Be Honest

Without Being Inappropriate.

When I Said It, His
Wife Congratulated Me.

Did You Notice That?

And Karl Made His
Happy Monkey Face.

Did You Notice That?

You Know What,Susan?

This Reminds Me Of The
Battle I Have To Fight

Every Day For The
Rest Of My Life.

That's What's Important To Me.

I Don't Give A Rat's Ass
What Your Ex-Husband Thinks.

This Isn't Dr. Kagen's Office.

Well,Actually,This Is A
Different Kind Of Doctor.

You Know, The Kind
You Can Talk To?

You Brought Me To A Shrink?
Well,I Thought You Might Like

To Have A Safe Place Where
You Could Share Your Feelings.

You Know?

With Your Mom's Death
And Moving In With Us,

You've Been Through A Lot.

That Was A Long
Time Ago. I'm Fine.

Well,Good,

But Sometimes When You
Go Through Hard Things,

It Changes The Way You Think.

Maybe We Have Trouble
Telling The Difference

Between What's Right
And What's Wrong.

I Don't Have Any
Trouble With That.

Actually,You Do.
That's Why You're Here.

So Let's Just Wait And
Talk To The Doctor,Okay?

You Know What,Lynette? Hmm?

Maybe I Should
Talk To The Doctor

About Right And Wrong.

Good.

Then Maybe I Should
Talk To The Police.

What? No. Sweetie, We
Don't Need To Do That.

Really? 'Cause What The
Twins Did Is A Crime.

I Mean,Like You Said,
Someone Could've Been Killed.

So If We Don't Go To The
Police, Wouldn't That Be Wrong?

You Don't Understand.

No,I Do.

If I Have To Talk To The Shrink,
I Have To Talk To The Cops.

Hi. You Must Be Kayla.
I'm All Ready For You.

Actually, I Think We're Okay.

We... Resolved Our Problems

Just Sitting In
Your Waiting Room.

Boy,You're Good.

Ahem. 'Kay. So We're Gonna Go.

Target In Place. We're A Go.

He's Coming Out.

What Is He Wearing?

He Looks Like The
Lost Member Of Wham!

He Thinks The Outfit
Makes Him Look Straight.

Just Be Thankful I Got The
Toothpick Out Of His Mouth.

Must He Put His Hand
On His Hip Like That?

Butch Up,For God Sakes!

What?! What Do You Think I Am?

Uh-Oh.

What?! Ohh!

Oh,Crap! Abort! Abort!

I'm Sorry. I'm Sorry. You Are A
Pig,And I'm Gonna Kick Your Ass.

Ohh! Ellie,What Are You Doing?

Your Creepy Neighbor
- He Came Over Here

And Offered Me Money To
Sleep With Him. Gaby,Tell Her.

Tell Me What?

Uh,He Did The
Same Thing To Me.

Perv! Ohh!

Hey,That's Enough.
Gaby,Tell Her,Or I Will.

What's Going On?

Here's The Thing.

I Thought You Were A Hooker.

So I Had Lee Proposition You
So I Could Catch You In The Act.

But Guess What? You
Passed The Test. Yay!

Everybody Inside
For Margaritas.

Ellie,Wait. I Made A Mistake.

Can We Please Talk About This?

Dude,You Just Told Your
Neighbors That I'm A Whore.

Look At It From
My Point Of View.

You're An Attractive Woman.
Guys Are Coming And Going.

I Saw You Take Money
From One Of 'Em.

What Am I Supposed To Think?

All Right. You
Might As Well Know.

I Do Tattoos.

You Do What?

See, I've Been
Working Downtown,

And I Have This Jerk Of A
Boss Who Takes 70% Of My Money.

So I'm Trying To
Earn Enough Cash

To Finally Open My Own Shop.

You've Been Running A Tattoo
Parlor Out Of My House?

I Know. I'm Sorry I Lied.

I'll Be Gone In The Morning.

Okay,Ellie,Wait.

You Don't Have To
Go. Are You Sure?

Because I Have To Keep Doing
My Work To Pay For School.

Well,I Suppose I Could Look
The Other Way For A Few Months.

It's The Least I Could Do
For Thinking You're A Whore.

Forgive Me?

Of Course.

Oh,Hi.

Hi,Edie. Thanks Again For
Helping Me Out Last Night.

Oh,No Problem.

Orson's Car Is Still
Parked At My House.

Um,Did He Mention When He'd
Be Coming Back To Pick It Up?

Well,Why Don't You Ask Him
Yourself? He's In The Shower.

He Spent The Night Here?

Apparently,He's Not A Big
Fan Of Fairview Towers,

And He Was So Drunk And Whiny,
I Just Let Him Ride My Couch.

Well,Um,Just So You
Know, In The Future,

I'm Not Comfortable With
That. This Can't Happen Again.

Bree...

What Are You Getting At?

Oh,I-I-I
Think You Know.

Tell Me Anyway,

Just In Case You're Not
Saying I'm A Big Slut.

Oh,Come On,Edie.

You Know, Carlos,Mike,Karl-

You Do Have A Way At Picking
At Other Women's Leftovers.

First Of All, I Am
Not Attracted To Orson.

I Mean,That Would Be
Like Having Sex With Pbs.

And Second,Just Because I
Don't Like Your Attitude,

I'm Gonna Let Him Stay
As Long As He Wants. Edie!

Days,Weeks-Might Even Let
Him Hang My Christmas Lights.

Come On,Edie. Think
Of Our Friendship.

How'd You Expect Me
To React, Lynette?

You Took Her To
Therapy Behind My Back.

And I Wouldn't Have Done
That Unless I Thought

We Had A Serious Problem,Which We
Do. Why,Because She Threatened You?

Of Course She Did. You Ambushed
Her. Tom,It Is One Thing

Not To Want To Admit
Something's Wrong With Your Kid.

It's Another To Just Bury
Your Head In The Sand.

Who's Burying Their Head In The Sand? You Are.
There Are Opportunities That You Can See That-

No,No,No,No,You're Distorting Reality.
I'm Not! What Would Be My Agenda?

You Can't Pull
The Crap Like This.

Whoa!

What Are You Doing?

I Jumped Off The
Roof. It Was Awesome.

No Way.

Yeah. It Was Just Like A
Parachute. You Wanna Try It?

But Maybe It Won't Work.

It Will. I Just Did It.

If You Want, I Can Show You.

Oh,Wait. You're In Trouble.

You Can't.

Never Mind.

...Your Head In The Sand. No.
You're Burying Your Head In The Sand.

It Is Different. No,Because You're Distorting Reality.
There Are So Many Opportunities That You Could Look And See

What's Going On. I Am Not! But You
Can't Pull Crap Like This,Lynette.

Either You Treat Kayla Like She's Your Own Kid
- Come On. I Do.

Aah!

Mom!

Ow! Ow,Ow,Ow,Ow!

Oh,My God! Oh,My
God! What Happened?

Is He Okay?

Porter,Get Down Off
That Roof! Get Up. Up.

Ow! It Hurts. Oh,We Gotta
Take Him To The Hospital.

Okay,You Stay Here. You
Take Care Of The Kids. Okay.

I Will Take Him To The
Hospital. All Right.

No,You-You Both Go. I Got The Kids. Go,
Go,Go,Go. Thanks,Karen. Come Here,Buddy.

There. It's Okay,Sweetie.
You're Gonna Be Just Fine.

There.

Hey,Susie.

Where's The Plumber?

Fishing A Wedding Ring Out Of
Some Housewife's Grease Trap?

He's Not Feeling Well.

I See Marisa
Isn't Here Either.

Yeah,She Got Stuck
At Her Book Signing.

She Writes Books,Like You,

Only Hers Are For
Grown-Ups And They Sell.

Okay,Karl,You Win. You Happy?

Whoa. What's This About?

Just Drop The Act.
You Are So Loving This.

You Ended Up

With The Miss America
With A Law Degree,

And I Ended Up With
The Pillhead Plumber.

Bravo.

Oh! Damn It! Why
Won't This Unroll?

You Know, Marisa's
Not Perfect.

We Have Our Problems
Like Anyone Else.

Oh,Really?

You Guys Live
One Day At A Time?

Is Your First Thought
When She's Late

That Maybe She's Out Using
Again Or Maybe She's Dead?

It Just Seems Like Everything
Is So Fragile Right Now,

Which Is Not The
Way You Want It To Be

When You're About
To Have A Baby.

Ugh.

So You're Worried You
Might Be Having A Kid

With An Unreliable Guy.

I Get It. You Did
That Once Before.

Uh,Yeah. That
Guy Was The Worst.

Wasn't I,Though?

I Cheated,Drank Too Much.

I Made That Play
For Your Cousin.

Oh,Right, You Didn't
Know About That.

That Never Happened.

Anyway, I Lied About
Every Bit Of It.

At Least Mike's
Trying To Be Honest.

I Know.

I Just Wish I Could
Fast-Forward Through My Life

And See That
Everything Ends Up Okay.

Hey,Don't Tell
The Plumber This,

But,Uh... He's A Good Guy.

I Think He's Gonna
Be There For You

In A Way That I Never Was.

Thank You.

Which Cousin?

Oh,Look, A Model
Of The Uterus.

He's A Big,Gray Cat,So If You
Could Just Keep An Eye Out?

Of Course. Actually,
Karen,When I'm Done Here,

I Could Go Try To Find Toby For
You. Thanks,Bree. I Appreciate That.

Oh,If You Do Find Him,
Don't Look Him In The Eye.

It Angries Him Up.

That's Very Nice
Of You To Help Her,

And It'll Take Your Mind Off
Of Everything With Orson,Too.

I Hope So. Truth
Is,I Miss Him.

And I'll Probably Let
Him Come Home Eventually.

I Just Need To
Know He Understands

The Gravity Of What He Did.

Well,I Don't Know What
He Did, But Be Careful.

Some Men Say They're
Going To Change,

And They Can't.

Oh,Hello,Dylan.
You Look Lovely.

She Has A Date With A
Boy I Haven't Met Yet.

It's Just A Movie.
It's No Big Deal.

Be That As It
May, It's The,What,

Third Time You've Gone Out?
I Don't Even Know His Name.

Mom,I Told You. I'm Not
Ready For You To Meet Him.

When I Am,You'll Know. Good
Night,Mrs. Hodge. Good Night.

Okay,Back To Business.

How Do You Feel About
Parker House Rolls?

I Mean,Personally, I
Think They're Played Out.

Actually,Bree,Can We Pick
This Up Again Tomorrow?

Well,Of Course. Is
Everything All Right?

Oh,Yes. I Just Need To
Go Spy On My Daughter.

Ah,The Key Is To Keep One Car

Between Yours And Hers
At All Times. Have Fun.

Oh,We Should Probably
Get The Check.

I Have To Be Back By 10:00.

We Still Have Time For Coffee?

I Don't Wanna Push It. Mom
Was All Over Me Tonight.

I'm Sorry About That.

Whatever. It's Fine.

No. It's Not. I Can See How
Hard This Whole Thing Is On You.

It Makes Me Wish
We Could Just...

Tell Her The Truth.

I Don't Know.

Well...

It's Your Choice. And
You're Probably Right.

We Got A Good Thing Going
Here. I Don't Wanna Ruin It.

But I'll Tell You Something.
If It Was Only Up To Me...

I'd Come Clean.

You Would?

Absolutely.

That Way I Could Tell
Your Mom How Sorry I Am.

I
- I Wouldn't Expect Her To Forgive Me,

But I Could Hope

She Could At Least...

See I've Changed.

But Whatever You
Wanna Do Is Okay By Me.

Okay,Thank You.

Well,I've Got A Room At
A Hotel In Mt. Pleasant.

I Guess I'll Get Going.

Oh,It's Late. Why
Not Just Go Tomorrow?

Well, I Feel
Like I'm Imposing.

You Are.

But You Make A Decent Martini,

So What The Hell.

So...

You Like The
Hodge Formula,Huh?

You See,The Secret-

I Don't Hear Shaking.

By The Way,Did You See Bree
When You Were Coming Home?

Oh.

No,I Didn't.

I Keep Thinking
She's Gonna Call Me.

Look,You Don't Have To Talk
About It If You Don't Want To,

But... What The Heck Happened

Over At Ken And
Barbie's Dream House?

I Made A Mistake, And
Bree Won't Forgive Me.

You See,That's The Problem
With The Brees Of This World.

They're Too Damn Perfect.

I Mean, They Don't Understand

That People Like You And Me
- Well,That We Screw Up.

Yeah,Well, This Was
No Ordinary Mistake.

This Was-This Was
Something Terrible.

Was It Something Gay?

What?

Of Course It
Wasn't. Keep Talking.

Trust Me.

Bree Will Never Forgive Me.

You Know What?
Maybe She Shouldn't.

Maybe I'm Not Worthy
Of Forgiveness.

Well...

Are You Sorry
For What You Did?

Yes. More Than
Anyone Will Ever Know.

Well,Then You're Worthy.

Thank You,Edie.

Mm. Don't Start.

I'm Drunk. I'm Gonna
Start Crying,Too.

Come On.

You're A Good
Person, Edie Britt.

Well,You're Not
So Bad Yourself.

Mm,I Don't
- I Don't Think We Should...

You're Right.

Bad Idea.

I Blame The Hodge Formula.

Yes.

You're Probably Tired.

Let Me Get Your
Room Ready For You.

Mom?

Can I Talk To You?

Of Course.

I Guess I Just Have To Say It.

I've Been Lying To You.

There Is No Boy.

And?

And...

Well,I've Been Meeting
Someone. That Part Is True.

But It's Dad.

I've Been Meeting Dad.

Really?

So... You're Not Upset?

You Made It Very Clear That
You Wanted To Meet Your Father,

So I Knew This Day Was Coming,

And I Prepared Myself.

Well, Can I Go Get Him,Then?

Come In! She Says It's Okay.

Hey,Kathy.

Been A Long Time.

Dylan,Why Don't You
Go Up To Your Room

So We Can Catch Up?

It's All Right,Really.

Go Ahead,Honey.

You Did A Great Job With Her.

She's,Uh, She's
A Wonderful Girl.

You Look Fantastic.

Haven't Aged A Day.

Look,I'm Here For Dylan,Okay?

I'm Sure That's
What You Told Her,

And I'm Sure She
Believed It...

Because She Doesn't Know You.

But I Do.

No,You Don't,Kathy,
Not Anymore.

It's Been A Long Time
- 12 Years.

I Know Exactly
How Long It's Been.

Okay. Good,

Because,Um... I've Changed.

I'm A Different Man Now.

Well,You Have To Admit
That That's Possible,Right?

You've Changed,Huh?

Well,Maybe You Have.

I Have. Like To Know How?

Sure... If You Wanna Tell Me.

I'm Not Scared Of You Anymore.

Good.

You Don't Have To Be.

I'm Not The Same Woman
You Knocked Around,

The Woman You Punched...

Choked...

The One Whose Blood You
Licked Off Your Knuckles.

She's Gone.

So You'll Just Have To
Prove You're A Man...

Some Other Way.

You Trying To
Make Me Mad,Kathy?

I Didn't Know I Still Could.

Can I?

This Is A Lot To Deal
With After So Long,I Guess.

I Shouldn't Have Sprung
It On You All At Once.

Tell Dylan I'll
Call Her Tomorrow.

And You're As Beautiful
As You Ever Were,Kath.

Good Night.

The Word "Welcome"
Always Carries With It

A Certain Amount Of Risk.

After All,

To Let Someone Into Your Home
Is To Let Them Into Your Life.

And We Never Know What
Sorts Of Horrible Secrets

They Carry With Them.

We Can't Foresee
The Painful Effect

They Might Have
On Our Loved Ones.

We Don't Anticipate The
Gossip That Could Result

From Their Presence.

Yes...

We Must Be Very Careful

With Those We Invite
Into Our Lives...

Because Some...

Will Refuse To Leave.