Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 2, Episode 4 - My Heart Belongs to Daddy - full transcript

Previously on Desperate Housewives:

You're not taking me?

Dad's going to take you to school.

Lynette's new job came with a price, ...

If this charge sticks, I get sent away for 8 years.

... and Carlos paid for his mistakes, ...

Are you in love with Mr Williams?

No.

I think the machine picked up on something that I wasn't aware of.

... while Bree detected feelings she'd never known.

You come within 10 feet of her, I will have you arrested.



Now get out!

Susan discovered something...

Zach is your son, isn't he?

... too close to home.

The residents of the Fairview County Jail looked forward to every Tuesday:

That was the day that Gabrielle Sol?s came to visit her husband.

The inmates went out of their way to give her compliments,

whether she wanted them to or not.

With each visit, these accolades became

Ooh, Daddy!

increasingly inventive.

Still, Gabrielle was not flattered.

In fact, Gabrielle started to dread

this special attention.
- Ride her! Ride her!



Until one day, when...

I don't think a conjugal visit is such a ridiculous request.

With all due respect, Mrs Sol?s -

let's just get through the discovery phase first, OK?

I don't think I can wait that long.

I am trying to get your husband out of jail.

You want me to just stop everything, so you can have a booty call?

Excuse me, we're husband and wife.

When we make love, it is a very sacred covenant. - Hm.

OK, look, all we need is 10 minutes.

I said no.

You can't tell me no. You work for me.

You will make it happen.

You can't force me to do anything. I am not your maid.

Or your gardener.

Ooooh!

I could have you arrested for that.

Oh, really?
- Mhm.

And how about for this?

Oohhhhh!

You crazy bitch!

Ow!

Hey, apologize to the lady.

Big mistake, pal.

I play golf with the warden. You're going to rocket.

You heard him. Apologize.

Look, fellows, I am just trying to do my job.

This is all her fault!
- Ah!

If she weren't so damn horny...

Out! Out! Out!
- All right!

It was at that moment it occurred to Gabrielle

Apologize! Apologize!

this was the nicest compliment she had ever received.

season 2 episode 4
"My heart belongs to Daddy"

There was one thing all the fathers on Wisteria Lane had in common:

Daddy! Daddy!

They could return from a hard day's work to the family they'd left behind,

and not feel at all guilty about the precious moments they had missed.

Sadly, the same could not be said for the working mothers.

Hey honey, I held dinner for as long as I could.

It just got too late for them.

You couldn't have given 'em coffee or something?

I feel like I'm missing out on their lives entirely.

You sit, eat, and I will fill you in.

Oh, don't eat that. That's been sittin' out for hours.

That's for Mrs Mulberry.

This -

is for you.

I'm sorry, who?

Oh, Mrs Mulberry.

Parker has an imaginary friend, a British nanny.

I think he locked into the whole Mary Poppins thing.

Is that why he's sleeping with an umbrella?

He carries it with him everywhere.

It's his security blanket.

When did this start?

About a week ago, I guess.

And you don't find it odd that Parker's new nanny

made her appearance right at the time I went back to work?

Kids have imaginary friends. It's no big deal.

I'll agree with you to a point when they're flying kangaroos or giant robots,

not surrogate Mommies.

Hey.

Parker's having a little trouble adjusting, that's all.

Apparently so are you.

Honey, don't be so sensitive.

I hope you're right.

At the risk of sounding too sensitive:

how come she gets a bigger portion?

What, that's it?

You're the one that said you wanted things to be "casual" between us.

Yeah, but that doesn't mean we have to act like brother and sister.

I mean, you bought me ribs, I have gratitude to express.

Mmmm, mmmm, mmm.

What's wrong?

I can't do this -- casual thing, it's --

it's weird.

No, no! It's not.

We're just going to pretend like it was when we first started dating.

We'll just see each other occasionally.

Until we get the Zach thing resolved.

But we'll just be easy about it. No commitments.

Except of course, neither of us is allowed to date anybody else.

Look, I --

I know how you feel about Zach,

and I don't blame you.

But he's part of the package right now.

And either you can accept that, or you can't.

Anyway.

Mike, wait!

I accept.

Are you sure?

Zach's your son.

And I have Julie, and you've totally accepted her.

Granted, she's been a normal child so far.

But she's almost 15. She's going to turn on me any minute.

You better be there to help me when it gets ugly.

I will.

Good night.

Uh, Susan!
- Yeah?

Technically, we don't have to be casual anymore.

I can be naked in 20 seconds. That includes travel time.

Carlos, will you calm down?

You incited a prison riot!

What sort of riot? It was more of a -- mel?e.

Who's going to defend me now?

Doyle knew my case. He knew the judge.

He called me a bitch.

Well, were you acting like one?

He refused to help me get a conjugal visit!

Hold it --

my lawyer's in traction because you wanted sex?

Not just for me, for us.

In case you haven't noticed, Carlos:

Our marriage is still on shaky ground.

And you thought a conjugal visit would fix it.

It couldn't hurt!

Ever since you've been in here, all we do is bicker.

That's all we ever did when I was out! That's what we do!

Yeah, but when we would finish arguing, we would have this great sex.

Now, all we do is fight, and there's no payoff, and it sucks!

You and I need to get laid!

Don't judge me.

You're not in here because you got caught helping the poor.

See, we'd be enjoying this argument more if we had something to look forward to.

Fine.

Get the damn lawyer.

And make it quick.

I take it that was my good-night kiss?

George, you're a very special friend, you are.

But Rex hasn't been dead 4 weeks, so I think kissing on the lips is...

... further than you want to go.

Exactly. I hope you don't mind.

Andrew! What are you doing?

Taking out the garbage?

Of course. You remember Mr Williams?

Hi Andrew.

George.

Uh, well, it's getting late, so...

Yeah.

So let me know if you want to...

go out to dinner again soon.

There's a couple of new restaurants I'd like to try.

You know, we've been eating out a lot lately.

Why don't you come over on Friday for a home-cooked meal? Wouldn't that be nice?

I would love that.

So you're leaving, or what?

We're not done talking.

She said it was getting late.

I guess you missed that. That was a hint.

Andrew! That wasn't a hint.

I'll go when I'm ready.

Actually, it is getting late, and I am tired, so...

See? You heard the lady, now take off!

Andrew.

It's OK. He's not really that tough.

He knows I would never hit a child.

Andrew!

George!

Stop it, the two of you! This instant!

This was a perfectly lovely evening, and now the both of you have ruined it!

I will not tolerate this kind of behavior, do you understand?

All right then.

George, we'll see you Friday for dinner.

I'll be serving fish.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, wake up, sleepyhead.

Ch, ch, ch. Parker.

Hi! Hi, pal!

Hey, what do you say, you and me go get some donuts, OK?

Before Mommy has to go to work, yeah?

Come on. Come on, come on.

All right!

So, what do you think you're gonna have, huh?

Jelly?

'Cause I think I'm gonna have a bear claw.

Stop!

Forgot Mrs Mulberry!

What?

Oh, um, well --

Since I'm here, maybe she could just relax in the house for a while?

No, I need her!

OK.

Hello, Mrs Mulberry.

Don't forget to buckle up!

Here we go.

Wait!

You forgot her umbrella!

Well Parker, we don't have time!

No!

She needs it!

Hi.

Hi, what are you still doing here?

I'm looking for Parker's umbrella, have you seen it?

No, sorry.

Honey, you better hurry or you're going to be late for work.

Thank you for that.

I couldn't find Mrs Mulberry's umbrella, so I brought her her sun hat instead.

All right?

And here we go.

It's in the shower.

What?

Mrs Mulberry says she left it in the shower.

Well, why didn't Mrs Mulberry volunteer that information

before I turned your room upside down looking for it? Hm?

Are you going to go get it?

No, I'm not going to get the damn umbrella!

I'm so sorry, sweetie. I am not mad at you.

What are you doing?

We don't want donuts.

Andrew!

You are not leaving the house dressed like that.

I'm just going to meet some of the guys at the swim club.

I don't care.

Put this on.

Every time you leave this house, you represent this family,

and the least you can do is not humiliate us.

Ripped T-shirt is just a look.

Yes; a bad one.

I hope you haven't made plans for tomorrow night.

Look, if you think I'm having dinner with the pharmacist, you're crazy.

Part of the reason I'm having him over is so you can get to know him.

Yeah, well I don't wanna get to know him.

Honey.

The feelings that you're having are perfectly normal.

But George isn't trying to take your father's place.

He's -- well, he's just a friend.

Really? Just a friend?
- Mhm.

So you're not planning on getting more serious with this guy in the future?

I -- haven't even thought about it.

It's so transparent it's pathetic.

You worried about a ripped T-shirt humiliating this family?

Wait till people see that

you're dating the town nerd less than a month after your husband's funeral.

I'll be serving dinner tomorrow night at 7. Please don't be late.

Sorry, but I already have plans.

Andrew, don't you have a meet at the swim club?

Yeah, so?

Doesn't it require a large entrance fee? One that you can't afford by yourself?

Are you blackmailing me into coming to dinner?

No, you don't know the lengths I'd go to for even seating.

Mayer? Is this yours?

Blew into my front yard.

Oh, sorry.

I'm helping Mike find Zach.

You know, so we can all rest easy at night.

Uh-huh.

And put him in jail?

I don't think Mike would do that to his own son.

You know?

That Mike's Zach's real father?

Ye-es.

Julie told Karl, Karl told me, and I --

sent out a few emails.

Well, thanks for your discretion.

Boy, you would do anything to get Mike Delfino to love you.

So what's going to happen to Little Creepy when he gets here?

Are you going to be tucking him in at night?

Making him breakfast in the morning?

Careful to bob and weave as he tries to blow your head off?

Edie, can't you just back off?

The truth is, we're probably never going to find Zach anyway.

It's a needle in a haystack.

Oh, I see!

And then you'll still come off as Little Miss Perfect Self-Sacrificing Girlfriend?

Putting his needs ahead of yours.

Uh! Why, you conniving little shrew.

I don't know why we're not closer.

There was a reason David Bradley was the most successful lawyer in all of Fairview.

His arguments were persuasive.

No one ever has to know.

His manner was forceful.

Take it off! Take it off!

And he tended to win on appeal.

Please!

And when it came to the more challenging cases,

he knew it was to his advantage to raise the first objection.

I'm not going to take your case.

What?

Yes?

Sorry to interrupt, Mr Bradley. Your dinner just cancelled.

Do you want me to pull your reservation?

No, I still have to eat.

I'm sorry, where were we?

You were about to turn me down, and then you reconsidered,

once you realized I was going to throw a ton of money at you.

Which I am.

Aw.

It's not about the money for me anymore, Ms Sol?s.

Fact is, if I don't feel passionately about a client,

if I don't feel that fire in my belly,

I don't bring my A game into court.

And from what I've read, it'll take my A game to save your husband.

Just forget the gay-bashing thing. He's innocent.

He went berserk and attacked a man in court.

Yeah, but that was a jealousy thing.

The man that my husband was trying to kill in court is not the least bit gay.

Trust me.

And your file also says you're seeking conjugal visits.

Trying to keep the old marriage alive, huh?

Why does everybody have a problem with me having sex with my husband?

Can I be frank?

Only if it ends with me getting what I want.

Your marriage is doomed.

Excuse me?

I've been doing this for a long time, Mrs Sol?s.

I know what incarceration can do to a relationship.

Marriage is hard enough.

But when you throw in cement walls, armed guards, iron bars --

it tends to go downhill rather quickly.

Conjugal visits notwithstanding.

But I --

Listen, you want my advice?

Walk away.

You're young.

Maybe you made a mistake. You'll learn from it.

Maybe the next time you'll marry smarter.

Now if you'll excuse me. I have dinner reservations.

Reservation.

You're eating alone, remember?

And I have a feeling it's not the first time.

I'm so sorry I couldn't get here sooner.

I forgot my husband had to take our youngest ???pre-nutrition???, ...

That's all right, Mrs Scavo.

So -- what did Parker do?

Are you aware that your son has an imaginary friend, a Mrs Mulberry?

Yes. We've met.

Well, um --

Yesterday, Parker demanded that Mrs Mulberry get her own easel during art.

Which was fine. But today it was a desk.

And unfortunately, we didn't have an extra desk.

Oh.

That must've been ugly.

It was.

Patty was --

rammed.

With this.

Oh. I am so sorry.

Mrs Scavo.

Have you experienced a death in your family, recently?

No! Why?

Imaginary friends are often created as a coping mechanism, to deal with loss.

Uh-huh.

Or it might occur as a result of some major change or extensive alteration in their lives --

Exactly. A manifestation of some deep-seated unhappiness.

Can you think of anything that might shed a little light on this for us?

Mrs Scavo?

Thank you.

And I'm thinking, "it's the Golden Gate bridge.

"What a great place to get a picture of the sunset."

So I lean out way over the rail to get the shot --

Next thing I know, the police arrived.

People had called 911 from their cellphones.

Thought I was suicidal.

I can't believe how well those two are getting along.

Yeah, it's freaky.

Andrew is being polite and engaging.

He's even laughing at George's jokes!

That's why it's freaky. George's jokes aren't funny.

So George, can I ask you a question?

It's kind of personal.
- Sure.

Have you ever actually been with a woman?

Excuse me?

Well, let's be honest.

I think it's obvious by the way you talk and act, that you're not a playa.

So I'm just curious to find out if you had ever actually gotten in the game?

My experience with women is none of your business.

I think it is. I mean, you're dating my Mom.

And we both know that at your age, dating's a little more than just holding hands.

We're not dating, exactly.

Sure you are. And you know what? I think it's great.

But I want to make sure my Mom's happy.

And I want to really set my mind at ease

to know that she's with a guy that knows how to please a lady.

This is inappropriate.

You know, my parents had a great sex life.

I heard them through the wall in my bedroom once.

Please shut up.

You should have heard my Mom too.

She had this weird moan, it was kind of like --

"mMMmmmh!"

"Mh!"

Isn't that bizarre?

That's the sound my Mom makes when she climaxes.

OK, time for cobbler!

Sorry, one of the dessert plates doesn't match.

I tried to replace it, but it's Spode Florence.

It's a rare pattern.

Belonged to my grandmother.

But hopefully, once you taste the dessert, you forget all about it.

I'm not hungry.

George, you have to have this! It's absolutely scrumptious.

mMMmmmh!

Mh!

(That's it.)

Go to your room!

George!

You heard me.

Go to your room.

Mr Williams, what's wrong?

Did I say something wrong?

Bree, please back me up!

Well, what did he say?

I can't say, it's too sordid. But he said it!

Are you going to back me up or what?

George, I can't allow you to discipline my child, if you won't even tell me what he did!

George?

George!

Mrs Sol?s, David Bradley here.

Look, I feel really bad about the tone of our meeting,

so to make up for it, I'm going to do you a favor.

The more I think of it, the more I'm convinced:

Your marriage is a train wreck.

The ???norelly??? type, you know. Mass casualties.

Anyway, I'm passing on the name of a great divorce lawyer: ...

You have some nerve leaving that message on my machine!

You realize this is entirely inappropriate?

I will tell you what is inappropriate.

You, making sweeping assumptions about the state of my marriage.

Care for a drink?

No!

I like to keep a clear head when I'm telling people off.

What makes you think you know anything about me or my husband?

Well, your husband -- the record speaks for itself.

With you, I had to rely on my instincts.

Would those be the same instincts that picked up that cologne?

You're privileged. You're pampered.

You're spoiled.

You want what you want, when you want it.

You want excitement.

A quickie every 5 months in a prison trailer isn't going to scratch that itch.

With all due respect, I will decide for myself what needs to be scratched, and when.

Mrs Sol?s, you're a really beautiful, desirable woman.

Your husband is a dimwitted corrupt violent criminal.

You could do so much better.

Are you hitting on me?

What'd you say if I were?

I'd say, I'm pregnant.

So I see you're stuck.

I'm not stuck, Mr Bradley.

Believe it or not, I loved my husband.

I charge $700 an hour. Plus xeroxing.

I'll pay you six, and I expect a conjugal visit tomorrow by noon.

Aren't you demanding.

Like you said: I want what I want, when I want it.

The woman I talked to at Social Services said a lot of runaways hang out here.

What?

Just happy to be spending the day with you.

At homeless shelters and bus stations?

I'm going to go ask these guys if they've seen Zach.

I think we'll cover more ground if we split up.

OK.

Thanks.

Have you seen this boy?

Missing kid, anyone?

One once, one twice, --

Oh --

Do you mind keeping those and pass them out when people get their ice cream?

Huh.

What?

Isn't that him? Over there.

Oh!

Zach? Zach!

Oh, oh, no no no no...

Don't don't don't -- Zach!

Don't run away!

Wait!

Come on, just -- would you -- get back here!

Come on, really, good, let's just talk!

Damn it, Zach!

It's enough already!

Nobody here's seen Zach, but there's a halfway house out on the West Side I want to check --

out --

Are you OK?

I got you some ice cream.

You did?

But then I got hungry.

So then I just threw my ice cream at him and ran.

Somebody say something.

Thank God you were in flats.

I'm still recovering from "Mike is Zach's real father".

I should have told Mike I saw Zach.

I'm a horrible person, right?

Oh, Susan, come on!

Zach attacked Felicia. He blew up your kitchen.

Evidently, he tried to kill Mike.

I think we can all agree, this kid's a freak.

What do you think, Bree?

Well, I think given everything that's happened,

it's perfectly justified that you'd be frightened of Zach.

"But --"

But Zach is Mary Alice's son.

He grew up playing in our yards.

If he has any hope of surviving,

I have to believe he's better off here than on the streets.

I couldn't have imagined how much going back to work would upset Parker.

Look, he's going to be fine.

He's just going to get used to Daddy providing all the love.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding!

Kids are resilient. He will adapt.

Tom, he attacked a teacher with an umbrella!

It was a poke. He poked her.

I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't be working?

Kids would certainly benefit from having two stay-at-home parents.

Although buying food might become an issue.

Maybe I could change my work schedule. Try and get some flex time.

Would Nina go for that?

No.

No! No no no no no no!

It would help if you came up with some ideas.

How 'bout hugs?

Hugs?
- Yeah.

I read in one of those family magazines that kids are supposed to get like 10 hugs a day.

It makes them feel more secure.

I say, pile in hugs.

That'll fix everything, hugs?

Yeah.

Come here.

Hi.
- Hi.

It's working, isn't it?

Shut up.

Hey, buddy.

Are you busy?

Yes. Mrs Mulberry's reading to me.

Well, isn't she nice?

But it's time for bed, so I'm going to tuck you in, OK?

That...

No!

I know.

Things have been hard for you since I started back to work.

But it is just as hard for me to be away from you.

And you just have to remember that even when I'm not around,

my love for you is real.

You may not be able to see it,

but it's not imaginary like Mrs Mulberry. It's real.

OK, honey?

Mrs Mulberry is real.

She said you're a liar.

Parker!

Parker.

We're reading.

I--I don't understand.

Why can't we see each other anymore?

Because ever since I found out what Andrew said to you,

I've been doing some soul-searching.

And I realized that everything that happened is completely my fault.

Oh, no, no. That's ridiculous.

No, it's not.

All the things that Andrew's been saying and the way he's been acting --

it's all connected to his father's death.

And it's clear to me

that I need to spend more time focusing on him and his needs.

You know, you're right.

You do need to focus on Andrew.

Thank you, George, for being so understanding.

Of course.

So -- have you thought about counseling?

That -- place you sent him to, that behavioral modification camp --

he got counseling there, right?

But I only sent him there

because his behavior at the time was so completely out of bounds.

You don't think that what he said to me was out of bounds?

I just think, if I spend a lot of time with him, it'll really help.

Why not do both?

Let him spend a few months with some caring professionals,

and then bring him home.

No, what he said to you was horribly rude.

But that camp, it's extreme.

And unless I felt like Andrew was getting really out of control, then --

Well. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

You know --

In spite of everything that's happened, I really like Andrew.

Oh George, really?

Yeah. Truth is --

he reminds me of me.

Conjugal visit rules are: You got 45 minutes.

We call every 15 minutes to make sure you're still here.

Do you understand?

Yes. We got it.

Uh, we interrupt our love-making to answer the phone,

and you call off the dogs.

I'm ready whenever you --

obviously, are.

Carlos, are we going to make it?

We just did.

You want to go again?

No. I'm talking about us.

Our relationship, our marriage.

Carlos, you're going to be a father.

And when you get out of here, you're going to need to get a job.

And make an honest living

for me and our child.

Babe, I've learned my lesson.

When I get out of here, everything's going to be different.

We're going to start over with a new life, and a great family.

And nothing is going to get in the way with that.

Hey, so -- you never told me --

How's the new lawyer?

You like him?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm still here.

OK, enough chit-chat.

We only have 30 minutes left.

And I want to make the most of it.

OK, please -- please don't run.

I can't, I hurt my foot.

How?

I landed on it funny when I was running away from you.

What do you want?

To talk to you.

Why?

'Cause I have a lot of things to say.

You can just listen. I'll buy you some food.

When was the last time you ate?

My Daddy's alive? Where is he?

I don't know. He disappeared.

But Mike did not kill him.

He's alive, you swear it.

I swear.

Maybe he's in Utah.

I mean, he used to have a life there.

Before me.

I just -- I need to get some money. And find him.

Zach, you know what I think?

I think you should come back with me.

Why?

Because there are still people at home that care about you.

And there's things that you need to know.

Like what?

I can't tell you.

You messed up a lot of people's lives, Zach.

You can't run away from that.

Do you mean Julie?

What?

I know that I messed up her life,

but I didn't mean to.

I really miss her, out here.

I think about her all the time.

Yeah, well, Julie's a really special girl.

She said anything about me?

Because if she has, I might still have a chance with her.

If I come back with you, then I can make it up to her!

Do you know what I think?

I think you're right.

I think you should try to find your father first.

Yeah?
- Yeah.

Now that you know he's OK, you should go to him.

He'll want to take care of you.

That's what parents do.

Let me help.

How much money do you think you'll need to get to Utah?

Daddy! I can't find Mrs Mulberry's umbrella!

Where is it?

I don't know, sport.

Honey, have you seen the umbrella?

No, can't say that I have.

OK, listen.

Don't worry about it.

I'm sure Mrs Mulberry is around here somewhere.

Or -- maybe she's not.

She could have -- left.

You know.

Maybe she had some other little boy that she needed to help.

Like who?

I don't know.

It could be a little boy in, uh -- England --

named -- Spencer --

Lynette?

I mean, this is conjecture on my part, but it is possible

that someone like little Spencer needs Mrs Mulberry more,

'cause he doesn't have a Daddy.

And a Mommy, who love him.

Yeah, that's it.

He's an orphan.

With no hands.

OK?

You're so sweet. Come here.

I love you. You all right?

OK. Well, get dressed.

What have you done to Mrs Mulberry?

Until there's a body there's no evidence of a crime.

Mrs Mulberry!

She's back!

Oh!

Goodie!

Mrs Mulberry's back!

Awww!

She got ran over! She's dead!

Don't you worry.

Maybe it's OK, buddy. Maybe we can call 91-WONDER.

No, Tom, she's gone.

Swimmers, take your marks!

George! What are you doing here?

Don't worry, Bree. I'll be quick.

I thought about what you said, and you're right.

Andrew needs his space.

Thank you, George.

It's -- best that I stay away,

and I completely understand if you want to change pharmacists,

but I did want to give you a little goodbye gift.

George!

It's my pattern! Where did you find it?

I got lucky on an online auction.

I love it. Thank you!

George --

George!

George! George!

Andrew, what are you doing?

Andrew!

Are you crazy?

Stop it!

Knock it off!

Did you see him? He was kissing her!

Oh my God, you're bleeding!

The freak was kissing her!

I don't care! You've got to calm down now!

The world is filled with good fathers.

How do we recognize them?

They're the ones who are missed so terribly

that everything falls apart in their absence.

They're the ones who love us

long before we've even arrived.

They're the ones who come looking for us

when we can't find our way home.

What's wrong?

Because of me,

my son's imaginary friend got crushed by a garbage truck!

I am the worst person in the world!

Yes, the world is filled with good fathers.

Honey, he's going to get over this in no time, trust me.

And one day, when he is all grown up,

you and Parker are going to laugh hysterically about this.

You really think so? Really?

And the best are the ones who make the women in their lives...

Promise.

feel like good mothers.