Desperate Housewives (2004–2012): Season 1, Episode 6 - Running to Stand Still - full transcript

"Previously on" Desperate Housewives...

- I know why my mom killed herself.
- "Secrets were revealed."

I think we should go to the police.

- "Relationships got complicated."
- What are you doing here?

- You think she's cheating on you?
- I think so.

We got a call about a break-in.

I've seen a lot
but this is something else.

- "And the mystery..."
- Why did you do this?

- I don't know.
- "... deepened."

Suburbia is a battle ground,

an arena for all forms
of domestic combat.



Husbands clash with wives,
parents cross swords with children.

But the bloodiest battles
often involve women

and their mothers-in-law.

The war for control of Carlos
began the night he proposed,

and Gabrielle had been losing ground
to Juanita ever since.

From the prenuptial agreement
which she reluctantly signed...

to the selection of wedding music
she despised...

to the color of the house paint
she hadn't wanted,

Gabrielle had suffered
one defeat after another.

And now that Juanita suspected
her daughter-in-law of having an affair,

it had become increasingly apparent,
in this war...

Mrs. Solis, I'll be at the market.

... no prisoners would be taken.

Thank you, Yao Lin.



I don't see why you have her.

It's a big house. I need help.

It's only called help
when you do some of the work yourself.

I supervise.

- You pay her $300 a week.
- Mm-hm.

That's $15,000 a year.

Carlos, you always say you're not
putting away enough for retirement.

Baby, it would be a good idea
to cut back on expenses.

You want me to take care
of this place alone?

Other women manage.

Ahem.

That's nice.

- You like that?
- Oh, yeah.

God, I'm gonna miss this, Carlos.

What do you mean?

Well, since I'm gonna have to be
doing the cooking

and the cleaning and all the shopping
like the other wives,

I'm gonna be exhausted at night,
just like all the other wives.

Till I build up my stamina, of course.

And that might take a couple of years.

Sadly for Juanita, she had ignored
the first rule of war...

- Good morning, Carlos.
- The maid stays.

Never underestimate your enemy.

Of the many suburban rituals,

none is quite so cherished
as the neighborhood yard sale.

Shoppers come to sift through

the discarded belongings
of someone they don't know,

in hopes of finding bargains
they don't really need,

each so determined to save a few pennies

they often miss hidden treasures.

- Hey, Paul.
- Hi, Susan.

I was a little surprised
to see Mary Alice's award for sale.

She got it for doing charity work.

Zach and I are moving. We don't need
to carry any more than is necessary.

That makes sense. I just wanted to make
sure you didn't want it for Zach.

Something to remember his mother by.

Zach doesn't need a piece of glass
to remember his mother.

I'm out of newspaper. Here.
Let's call it ten bucks for everything.

Great. Speaking of Zach...
I haven't seen him around lately.

He's been a bit depressed.
I sent him to stay with relatives.

- Oh. Which ones?
- You don't know them.

- How did you get the fat lip?
- The usual way.

Asking too many questions.

- Did you find out where Zach is?
- No.

But he's not staying with relatives.

It could be any one of these guys
she's having an affair with.

Don't worry about it.
I'm not letting her out of my sight.

Who the hell is that?

Do you think that's the guy
she's having an affair with?

Carlos, a guy she talks to in public
isn't someone you're gonna worry about.

So it's someone
that she doesn't talk to.

Do I have to beat up every guy in town?

Marriage takes work.

Course he's playing it close to
the vest. Paul knows we're onto him.

Zach said Mary Alice killed herself
because of something he'd done.

Is there anyone
who'd know what he was talking about?

No. We have to find him.
It's the only way we'll know.

Zach is such a sweet kid.

I can't imagine him
doing anything that terrible.

He did break into your house.
He's obviously troubled in some way.

Severe depression,
borderline personality disorder.

- Zach is a deeply troubled young man.
- I'm aware of that.

- What are you giving him?
- Antidepressants and a mood stabilizer.

Good.

I'm also recommending extensive
psychotherapy to help unearth...

I'm also recommending extensive
psychotherapy to help unearth...

I don't think so.

Mr. Young,
I can't just medicate him indefinitely.

Forget the Freud
and stick with the drugs.

No new treatments without my permission.

I think this is going to be a great
version of "Little Red Riding Hood."

It is your involvement that makes
the plays here at Barcliff so special.

Thank you.

I would like to turn over
the next part of our meeting

to our parent coordinator,
the amazing Maisy Gibbons.

Thank you, Miss Truesdale.
Now before everyone leaves,

we have new copies
of the script up here.

Tilda and Frances and I
went to the rehearsal yesterday,

and we were a little troubled
by the ending.

Killing the wolf.
It sends the wrong message to our kids.

We believe that animals should
only be euthanized as a last resort.

[Laughs]

- Do you find something amusing?
- I'm sorry. I thought you were kidding.

- No.
- Oh. OK.

In our version, the wolf is aggressive
because he has a thorn in his paw,

and the woodsman will take out the thorn
and send Mr. Wolf on his way.

I'm sorry.
Aren't we doing "Little Red Riding Hood?"

- Yes.
- You know that the wolf is a bad guy?

He eats Little Red's grandma.

If you let him go, he's gonna chow down
on other defenseless old ladies.

- I'm sorry. And you are?
- I'm Lynette Scavo.

My twins just joined.
They're playing oak trees.

Oh, of course. Lynette.

Let's see. You are signed up to take
tickets the night of the show, right?

- Yeah.
- Well, with all due respect,

let's leave the creative suggestions

to the mothers
who have assumed the heavy lifting.

Sure. Whatever.

I must say I'm jealous
of how much time you two spend together.

My mother-in-law would
never want to hang out with me all day.

She sounds nice.

- Hey.
- Oh. Hey there, you two.

Hi, John.

Mrs. Solis.

I wasn't aware you two were friends.

- Yeah. We go to the same school.
- Of course you do.

We'll be upstairs in my room studying.

Have fun.

Doesn't it make you nervous?
A boy alone upstairs with Danielle?

I don't worry about John. Both he and
Danielle are in the abstinence club.

Coffee's a little hot.

Susan was infuriated
by Paul's evasive answers.

She was convinced
he was deliberately hiding Zach

and hiding the truth.

She hoped that finding one
would lead to the other.

To succeed, Susan would
have to be evasive herself.

[Doorbell]

- Susan. Long time no see.
- Mrs. Greenberg.

Do you remember those two eggs
I let you borrow last Christmas?

- I need those back.
- Gosh, honey, I'm fresh out.

- But I could run to the store.
- Oh, forget about it.

It's not that important.

But since I'm here, do you still have
that hatchback sitting in your garage?

- Can I borrow it tomorrow?
- You want to borrow my car?

Just for a couple of hours.

I'm not sure.
Do you know how to drive a stick?

Yes, I think so. I learned in college.

It's like riding a bike, right?

- I'm not sure, dear.
- It's just for a couple of hours.

I let you borrow my eggs
for a whole year.

I'm very pleased with the work
we've done in our sessions thus far.

- We're making excellent progress.
- Thank you. I feel good about it.

But there are a few areas of your
marriage we haven't covered yet.

Oh, really? Like what?

Um... I've told Dr. Goldfine
in our private sessions

that I'm not happy with our sex life.

And Rex feels that
when the two of you have intercourse,

you're not as connected as you could be.

- Connected?
- Yeah.

Like you're thinking about other things.
Is your hair messed up?

Did you buy the toothpaste?
You're just not there.

This kind of disconnect is often
a symptom of a deeper problem.

So we were talking and the idea
of a sexual surrogate came up.

This is a licensed professional
who'd work with you as a couple

on solving whatever sexual problems
you may be having.

I have an excellent referral.

And what would this
sexual surrogate person do?

- She would coach us.
- She?

She's very discreet.
You'll hardly notice she's there.

Oh. So she would be in the room with us
while we make love?

Yes. Helping us to achieve
maximum sexual potential.

- Do you have any questions?
- Just one.

How much longer
is your mid-life crisis going to last?

Because it is really starting
to tick me off.

Right. Everyone's down for a nap.

We've got no more than an hour.
Let's get cracking.

Five-card draw. Nothing wild.

- How is it going with Mike, Susan?
- It's going, finally.

We have a date next week. He's taking me
to see a play or something.

Might I suggest the Barcliff Academy
production of "Little Red Riding Hood?"

Oh, that's right.
The twins' stage debut.

- Are they having fun?
- Sure. They play oak trees.

I have to deal with the drama
behind the scenes.

- You've met Maisy Gibbons?
- She's a total nightmare.

- I shouldn't have challenged her.
- Oh, dear.

Now no one on the play committee
wants to talk to me.

Maisy does love
to rule her little kingdom.

Hasn't changed since Girl Scouts.
Girls smile at you to your face

then make fun of you
'cause you're not shaving your legs yet.

- [Car horn]
- That wouldn't happen in Boy Scouts.

When I worked with men,
I preferred how they fought.

A guy takes his opponent on
face-to-face,

and once he's won, he's top dog.

- It's primitive but it's fair.
- And a lot less sneaky.

Isn't it sexist of us
to generalize like this?

It's science. Sociologists
have documented this stuff.

Well, who am I
to argue with sociologists?

Wow, this guacamole has got a kick.

I'm gonna run to the little girl's room.
You go ahead. I might be a while.

I hate playing three-handed poker.
Let's take a break.

- I'll play.
- You play poker?

- I used to play with my grandfather.
- Pull up a chair.

You're just playing for chips?

My grandfather used to say
it's always more fun to play for money.

- Why not? 50 cents a bet?
- Make it a buck.

Three raise limit, $20 buy-in.

- Mrs. Solis! What are you doing?
- Why haven't you returned my calls?

- I've been busy.
- I've seen who you've been busy with.

Danielle? Come on. She's just a friend.

Before you get any friendlier,
let me remind you,

I can do things to you
she can't even pronounce.

A lot of good it does me with your
mother-in-law following you around.

Maybe we should just cool it
for a while.

No, John, please don't say that.

I have everything under control.

Now give me a boost.

Hey. So what did I miss?

Not much. Just a few friendly hands
of poker with the girls.

I'm sorry I'm late.

As I'm sure you've all heard, Celia Bond
broke her wrist playing tennis.

Which means we are now in need
of someone to do the costumes.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Are there any volunteers?

- I'll do it.
- Really? Do you know how to sew?

Absolutely.

Well, great. Thank you, Lynette.

OK. So now that
I'm going to do some "heavy lifting",

I believe I have the right to talk about
the changes made to the script?

Um...

Ladies.

We grew up with "Little Red Riding Hood,"
and survived it, scary stuff and all.

So I say to hell
with political correctness.

Let our kids experience this classic
like it was meant to be enjoyed.

Let's kill the damn wolf
and just put on the best show we can.

Thank you, Lynette,
for that impassioned speech.

- But I believe that ship has sailed.
- No! It hasn't.

We still have time
to change the ending back.

And you know, Maisy,
it is just a fairy tale.

I don't think
it will upset the children.

- I think you're wrong.
- That's what's great about democracy.

Everyone's entitled to their opinion.

Also, everyone has a right to vote.

So all in favor of the woodsman going
medieval on the big bad wolf's ass.

Dr. Goldfine.

- Bree.
- You're dining alone?

- Actually, I am.
- What a coincidence. So am I.

Seems a shame for us to eat
by ourselves. Shall I pull up a chair?

Bree, it's nothing personal,
but I never socialize with clients.

Oh.

Oh, I get it. I'm so sorry.
Of course. It's inappropriate.

It's just that after yesterday
there's so much I need to say because...

I suppose it can wait.

No, Lynette, I'm sorry.
Juanita's taking a bath.

How much did she win from you?

Jeez!

Yeah, I guess she'll take a check.

OK. All right. Bye.

- What was that about?
- Your mother is quite the card shark.

You let her play cards?
How long did she play?

Not that long. Why?

Carlos, what is it?

I never told you this, but my mother
had a serious gambling problem.

Was this before we were married?

Yeah. It was bad.

She went into debt. Dipped into her
savings, started hocking jewelry.

Honey, it was only
a small neighborhood game.

It doesn't take much
for her to fall off the wagon.

I know she seems like
a very strong woman but...

She has a major weakness.

Honey... Oh... It's OK.

You were right to tell me this.

And you understand
I have to treat this as a session.

Of course. That's fine.

- Shall I include the meal?
- Oh, no. We'll split that.

OK.

So let's talk about yesterday.

Do you think there might have been
some truth in what Rex said?

No, I don't.

Bree, it's not uncommon for people
experiencing sexual repression

to distance themselves during the act.

Do you see me as some sort of prude
who just lays there like a cold fish?

Do you see me as some sort of prude
who just lays there like a cold fish?

- I love sex.
- All right.

I love everything about it.
The sensations. The smells.

I especially love the feel of a man.

All that muscle and sinew
pressed against my body.

And then when you add friction!

Mm!

The tactile sensation
of running my tongue

over a man's nipple ever so gently.

And then there's the act itself.
Two bodies becoming one,

and that final eruption of pleasure.

The only thing I don't like about sex
is the scrotum.

Obviously it has its practical
applications, but I'm not a fan.

Can I get you something?

Uh... just the check, please.

Sir, you haven't ordered yet.

Oh.

- We're not shopping?
- Let's stop here for lunch.

This place has the best buffet in town.
All-you-can-eat crab legs.

- Oh, no!
- What's wrong? Let's go.

It's late. They're only holding
the suede mini for me until 2:00.

If we stay I'll never make it.
We'll just have lunch at the mall.

Wait. Uh...
I'm really in the mood for crab legs.

- Drop me off and you can come back.
- It might take over an hour.

It's a buffet. There's no rush.

Hi, John. Motel. Ten minutes. Be there.

All right. Off you go. Thanks.

Lynette, I noticed you forgot the
coonskin on that hunter's coonskin cap.

Yeah. That was a creative call.

I'm in the middle of a crisis. If I
don't take shortcuts I'll never finish.

Jordana Geist manages
to get her work done.

She runs the concessions,
paints the sets,

and still has time to take care
of her three kids and a husband.

We can't have the students suffer

just because you don't understand
the concept of time management.

The kids won't suffer
without a clump of fur on their heads.

OK. I'll make a creative call.
We'll cut the oak trees.

That forest is looking
a little dense anyway.

- My boys are the oak trees.
- Are they?

Well, I wouldn't worry. We'll find
something for them to do backstage.

That's where the real action is.

- I'll finish the costumes.
- Well. Crisis averted.

- You have lost your mind.
- I checked up on Silvercrest.

It's a treatment center
for troubled kids.

I create the distraction,
you blend in and find Zach.

How could I blend in
with messed-up teenagers?

I don't know, Julie.
Pretend to be bulimic. Gag a little.

Come on. Work with me here.

When this is over, we need
to talk about your parenting skills.

OK, fine. You don't want to help me,
I'm not gonna force you.

It's not that I don't want to.
It's just...

Why does this mean so much to you?

'Cause Mary Alice was a wonderful
person.

And now all anybody thinks is that
she did this terrible, selfish thing.

And I think there's more to it
than that.

She was my friend, Julie, and I owe it
to her to find out the truth.

Juanita, what's wrong?

Juanita?

I didn't go to the buffet.
I went gambling instead and I lost.

How much did you have on you?
It couldn't have been much.

I used Carlos' credit card.

- OK. How much did you charge?
- I don't know. It stopped working.

What do you mean? This thing has like
a $15,000 credit limit.

Oh.

[Knock on door]

The man at the desk said there were
no vacant rooms. Can I bunk with you?

Bree, what are you doing here?

It's a little chilly out here.
Do you mind if we discuss this inside?

Come on in.

Sure is nice and toasty in here.

- You look amazing.
- Thanks.

I was hoping you'd notice.

Well, it certainly isn't the Ritz,
but it has all the essentials.

- I don't know what to say.
- Then perhaps you should say nothing.

Rex? Baby...

- I just need a minute.
- What?

Sweetie, just leave it, will you?
Just leave it.

OK, baby. Where were we?

I told you to leave it.

I'm sorry. I just...

Oh, come on. Are you gonna make
a big deal about this?

You know...

to tell you the truth,
now is not really a good time for me.

It's obvious you've
never had to remove a cheese stain.

Bree, I totally understand.
Yeah, I already tried Susan.

And Gaby can't sew.
Seriously, I'm gonna be fine.

Yeah. Ow! Thanks anyway. Bye-bye.

I'm a little ahead with my painting
if you need some help.

Oh, Jordana, you are a life-saver.
Thank you.

Here. These pieces need trim.

I'll help for as long as I can
but I have a lot on my plate tonight.

I have to make 25 mini quiches
for my book club.

You're not human. You were sent by
aliens to make humans feel inadequate.

Seriously, how do you cram it all in?

- Can you keep a secret?
- Um... sure.

That's ADD medication.
My kids take this. Or they almost did.

I thought it calmed you down.

Has the opposite effect
if you don't have ADD.

Ever chug a pot of Turkish coffee?

You're taking your kids' medication?

Once in a while. Do you want a couple?

Oh, that's very kind of you but I just
smoked some crack a little while ago.

I'd better not mix.

I'll sell some jewelry, pay off the
card, and Carlos will never find out.

- You would do that for me?
- Why wouldn't I?

For starters, you hate me.

Oh, that is overstating it... a little.

The bottom line is, no matter how much
I dislike you, I love Carlos more.

If Carlos finds out, he'll be
devastated. I don't wanna see him hurt.

Don't believe I'm a good person,
but believe I care about my husband.

Fine. To heck with it.

I'm not gonna risk my neck
to protect you. I'm calling Carlos.

Juanita might have been
the gambler of the family...

Wait. I believe you.

... but Gabrielle was the one
who knew how to bluff.

Hi. I'm Susan Mayer. I have
an appointment to see Dr. Sicher.

Yes, he's expecting you.
Let me get him for you.

- Hi. I'm Dr. Sicher.
- Susan Mayer.

So you're doing research
for a children's book?

I sure am.

Zach?

Oh. Hi, Julie.

- What's wrong with you?
- Just all the pills they make me take.

They kinda make me sleepy.

- What are you doing here?
- I came to see how you were.

And to ask you something.
Look, I don't have much time.

What is it?

You told Mrs. Van De Kamp
your mom killed herself

because of something bad you did.

What were you talking about?

After my mom died, I started remembering
things that happened when I was little.

- What happened to Dana.
- Dana? Who's Dana?

What are you doing here?

I was just visiting my friend.

This patient is not allowed visitors.

I guess I have to go.

I am so sorry, Zach.

Hi.

I don't want to disturb you.
I just left some important papers here.

- What are you doing?
- I'm repairing a chipped mug.

Why don't you just buy a new one?

Because I think it's better
to fix what you already have.

Listen. Um...

- About what happened today.
- You humiliated me, Rex.

For no good reason.

- I'm sorry.
- I was there. I was willing.

- Normal men don't say no to that.
- You... You upset me.

See, I don't think that's the reason.

After I left the motel, I did some
thinking about us and our sex life.

I realized there has been a disconnect.

- But it's coming from you.
- That's ridiculous.

For years we've been making love

and you've started
to ask me something then stopped.

- What are you talking about?
- You are unhappy with our sex life

because you're not getting something
but you're too afraid to ask.

My problem is that you can't stop
thinking about the housework.

Then take me right here, right now.

The house is spotless. There are no
burritos around to pull my focus.

- I'm not in the mood.
- Why not?

We haven't had sex for months. Most men
would be climbing the walls by now.

- Please don't do this.
- Rex, whatever you want.

I will go there with you.
You just have to say it out loud.

Tell me. What do you want?
What do you need?

I need for you to stop talking like
this. You sound like a whore.

No, I sound like a woman
whose husband won't touch her.

Rex, after Mary Alice killed herself,
it all hit me.

We all have our secrets. I think
it's time for you to tell me yours.

I'm going.

That night, while most
of Wisteria Lane dreamt the night away,

Lynette was in the middle
of her own personal nightmare.

Determined her boys
would not miss their fairy-tale debut,

Lynette had stayed up
18 hours straight, sewing.

But she began to fear her story
would not have a happy ending.

Luckily for Lynette,
she had a magic potion handy.

And once she had taken it...

the magic kept working...

and working...

and working.

It wasn't until noon
that Lynette finally took a break,

and the reality of what she had done
began to sink in.

My. What big eyes you have.

I'm going to the store.
Do you need anything?

I'm fine, thank you.

So what's been going on with her?
Have you found anything out yet?

Actually, the more I watch her, the more
I think she's not stepping out on you.

- Really?
- Yeah. She's not perfect, Lord knows.

But she loves you. I can tell.

[Sighs]

Mama. You don't know what a relief it is
to hear that.

You know, it's funny.
I really think she loves you, too.

Oh?

I got concerned when I heard
you played poker with her friends.

So I told her about your little problem.

You told her about my gambling problem?

Don't be mad. I just didn't want you
slipping into old habits.

- She was very concerned about you.
- She knew?

I don't get it. You and Zach never
went to school with anybody named Dana.

He didn't say
we went to school with her.

- Did it sound like a relative?
- It sounded like "Dana".

Unless he was using a code,
that's all I got.

OK, give me a break here.
I'm just grasping at straws.

I'm sorry. I'm worried about Zach.
It's really creepy in there.

- Can't we get him out?
- Honey, that's up to his father.

- Then I want to visit again.
- That's not a good idea either.

Why?

I just have a feeling.

Juanita was now
more convinced than ever

that her treacherous
daughter-in-law was having an affair.

But the question remained, with whom?

And suddenly...

Juanita remembered
it wasn't the men Gabrielle talked to

that she had to worry about.

Hey, Jordana, Maisy.
Here are the costumes. Right on time.

Thank you, Lynette.

This is a bit awkward. There has been
an oversight with the programs.

Celia Bond is still credited
with costumes.

They forgot to tell the printer.

Uh-huh.

Who is "they", as in,
"they forgot to tell the printer"?

That would be me. I'm sorry.

But I was so overworked this week with
all the script changes you demanded.

Uh-huh. Well, these things happen.

Be right back.

Would you do something with this?
It looks like road kill.

OK, lady, that's it.

- I beg your pardon?
- We have kids the same age.

There are years ahead of us
having to deal with each other.

So instead of playing petty games, why
don't we put an end to this right now?

- What are you saying?
- Let's take it outside.

- Let's take what outside?
- Your sorry ass. We're throwin' down.

- You are crazy.
- Just being practical.

Isn't it better to settle this

rather than endure
all this alpha-mom crap

until our kids graduate?

Come on.
I'll even let you take the first shot.

- I don't have time for this.
- Yeah, I didn't think so.

And just so you know,
next spring, when we do "Bambi,"

his mother's gonna take a slug
to the heart and you're gonna like it.

The search for power begins
when we're quite young.

As children, we're taught that the power
of good triumphs over the power of evil.

But as we get older, we realize
that nothing is ever that simple.

Traces of evil always remain.