BrainDead (2016): Season 1, Episode 2 - Playing Politics: Living Life in the Shadow of the Budget Showdown - A Critique - full transcript

Laurel continues her investigation of Dr. Daudier's death, while more citizens are infected by the bugs; Dr. Daudier's daughter and Gustav Triplette begin to question what is happening.

♪ Previously on BrainDead...♪

♪ Some kind of meteor
came down ♪

♪ No one knows where it's from ♪

♪ They shipped it off ♪

♪ So they could study it
in Washington ♪

♪ Guess what?
It's filled with space bugs ♪

♪ Now they're loose
and eating peoples' brains ♪

♪ Poor Laurel only wants ♪

♪ To make her documentaries ♪

♪ She's out of money ♪

♪ So she works for Luke,
her brother ♪

♪ He's a Democratic senator ♪

♪ She listens
to constituents complain ♪

♪ Gareth is working for ♪

♪ Red Wheatus who is a senator ♪

♪ A Southerner, Republican ♪

♪ A drunk ♪

♪ Government is shutting down ♪

♪ Until they find
a work-around ♪

♪ Deal they make
looks like a slam-dunk ♪

♪ But space bugs crawl
into Red's brain ♪

♪ And start controlling him ♪

♪ He steals a Democrat ♪

♪ And flips him to Republican ♪

♪ The shutdown happens ♪

♪ And now everybody's
mad again ♪

♪ Laurel discovers Scarlett
sleeping with her brother ♪

♪ And it looks like Scarlett ♪

♪ Probably has
a space bug problem, too ♪

♪ You know your day was lousy ♪

♪ When somebody's head ♪

♪ Explodes on you. ♪

TRUMP (on TV): I can tell
you, they are very ashamed.

Many, many e-mails where she's
asking for her job back.

Many of the women
have come forward saying,

"Honestly, we have great respect
for Donald Trump.

I like Donald Trump very much."

They should be ashamed
of themselves.

MISTY: Yep, the Democrats
are at it again.

It's day four of the great
government shutdown

brought to you by your friendly
neighborhood Democrat congress.

Many are pointing their fingers
at the Republican Party

for putting 100,000 government
employees out of work.

The only thing to come out of
the last government shutdown

was a lot of new D.C. babies.

But let's not forget

during that previous
government shutdown,

the U.S. economy
lost $24 billion.

Well, if fighting for equal pay,

paid leave,
and Planned Parenthood

is playing the gender card,

deal me in.

(crowd cheering)

Some congressional candidates

have used the shutdown
to bring up many...


It's now 9:10 a.m.
and time to get an update

on weather and traffic
in the area.

Highs today are expected
to hit 72 degrees.

It is currently 64 and...

(turns off TV)

(door opens)

(door closes)


♪ ♪


Am I not patriotic enough
for you?

Are you... not...
Because you wear one,

and I don't-- am I
some Godless liberal?

Uh, no, I just... just wear it.

Why are the Republicans
trashing the U.S. Constitution?

And why do they want to return

to back-alley abortions?
Uh, uh, I don't know.

Did you know that 42%

of Denmark's energy
comes from wind power?

Should I come back?
(door opening)

(door closing)

Uh, Ms. Healy?

Uh, I'm Anthony Onofrio,
FBI criminal division.

Do you have a minute?

Does she have a choice?

Are we living
in a fascist state now?

She's a little intense.


I think it's
the shutdown.

It's getting
to everyone.

Yeah, FBI, too.

So, uh,
this is about Dr. Daudier.

I just have a few questions.

Can you tell me what happened
yesterday in the ambulance?

Yes, um...

Have you seen the body?

No. Photos.

His head just...

(explosion and splattering)


Did you hear a gunshot?


One of the EMTs
said he heard a gunshot.

No, I would have noticed that.

And the driver,
was there anything

unusual about the driver?

What do you mean?

It's just one
of our leads.

You ever met
the driver before?

I mean, I don't even know
who the driver is.

Ali Wasem.

He's a resident of Front Royal.

Not on any of our watch lists.

I don't think it's about that.

About what?

Thank you for answering my questions.
Of course.

If you think of anything else, just...
Thank you.

Sure, yeah.

A handsome guy.


He likes you.

That's why all the questions

about a dead body.

SCARLETT: Senator?

Democratic caucus
in five minutes.

On my way.

It's the first caucus
after losing the majority.

You going to be all right?
It's just the usual

Democratic bloodletting.

(loud munching)

I something up with her?

No. Why, what do you mean?

She's a little intense
this morning.

You two have a fight?

Shut up.

I think she's dieting.

Hey, why don't
you head home?

Get some rest,
come back tomorrow.

I'm good, I can work. Okay.

Well, then,
there's two constituents

in the waiting room.

Keep them happy.

These are really great, Annie.

Thanks, there's more on my blog.

It's about raising money
for cancer research.

We call it
Annie's 20/20 Vision.

We visit 20
monuments in 20 days.

We've raised $43,000, so far.


So you're looking

for a donation
from our office.

No, well, I mean...

sure, that would always
be great, but...

We're one monument short
of reaching our goal.

The Lincoln Memorial,
it's closed.

Because of the shutdown.

Uh, we-we just need a picture

inside in front of Lincoln

to complete the 20.

Have you talked
to the Park Service?

Yes, they said no exceptions.

I guess they have some history
with shutdowns.

If they do it for us, they'll
have to do it for everyone.

We just want to be
in there for a minute.

Lincoln's my favorite president.

She knows the whole
Gettysburg Address.

Don't worry,
I won't do it for you.


I'll talk to my brother.

He's an expert at this stuff.

(loud, indistinct conversations)

Luke, you need to man up and
accept that this is your fault.

You lost to Senator Spitz,

You lost us the majority.

Look, I understand
everyone's frustration,

but nobody saw this coming.

(loud, overlapping chatter)

You're the whip.

The job is not just counting
votes, you're supposed

to keep members together.

May I say something, please?

(chattering quiets)

I am delighted
to see the members

of this caucus get angry.


as usual,

our anger is being
directed at ourselves.

This is not the time
to blame Luke Healy,

whose family,
may I remind you,

has done so much
for this party.

This is exactly
what the Republicans want.

I say we table
a vote on leadership,

and go back
out there and fight.


Thanks, Ella.
This is a nightmare.

Don't thank me.
What are you doing?

What am I...

To get the majority back,
what are you doing?

They must have offered
Senator Spitz

the moon to betray us.

PAC money, influence,

committee chairs...
all I know is,

some Republican
was pushed aside

to make room for him.
You'll find out who?

and offer that person the moon

to flip to our side.

It's musical chairs.

Someone over there
is without a chair.

I can defend you
for a little while, Luke,

but at a certain point,
the mob needs blood.

So if you have a plan,
do it fast.

They've been to monuments

in all 50 states,
and now she's here

to see
the Lincoln Memorial,

but due to the shutdown,
it's closed.

Listen, Laurel,

you'll be hearing
a million stories

of heartbreak
every day.

You can't let
everyone in.

Remember that opera singer

I used to date?
How did you do that?

We're suddenly talking about you again.
She told me,

when she had to
do a sad scene,

she couldn't
get emotional,

because her throat
would close up,

and she couldn't sing.

If she felt too much,
she couldn't do her job.

So you're saying don't feel?

No, I'm saying only feel

if it makes you effective.

God... politics.

Are you still
in touch with, uh,

Wheatus's legislative director?

Gareth? Yeah, yeah,
he keeps calling.

I think he feels bad
about blowing up the deal.

I want you to come
to DoubleSpeak today.

I'm on with Red.

Talk to Gareth
in the greenroom.

Let him apologize,
make him feel guilty.

You want me to find out
which Republican

was demoted to make room
for the Democrat?

You know, for someone
who disdains politics,

you don't seem
half-bad at it.

Well, he's not going
to just tell me.

I know.

You want me to pimp myself out?



Hey, he used you.

He distracted you

while Red stole
Senator Spitz from us,

so use him back.

Look... I need this.

I'm in danger
of losing my job.

...we are getting flooded... The deficit
has gone down. Why won't you...?

Senators, we're on the eve
of a historic election.

The American people just want
you all to work together.

Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neil
were drinking buddies.

What on God's good green earth
is the hold up?

Senator Wheatus?

Simple. The Democrat Party...

It's Democratic.
Well, not lately.

Great zinger, Senator. Well, thank you.
I got a million more.

LUKE: Why don't we speak
to what's right

with our constituents and the
GOZ, RED: Teeing them up,

Party of Zingers. and I'll
just keep knocking them out...

LUKE: You know what this is?
It's a temper tantrum...

You know, they say you can

judge a person by how fast
they return a phone call.

That's how this works?

You take advantage of me...

How did I take advantage of you?

Oh, my God, seriously?

"People are going hungry."

Remember that little speech?

All the time,
you were going behind my back

to steal a Democratic senator.
I wasn't stealing anything.

Red changed his mind, okay?

Apology accepted.


What apology?

The apology
you're struggling with.

Senator Spitz switched parties

because he hated wasting
American taxpayers money.

No, he switched parties
because the Republicans

gave him a chairmanship
and PAC money.

Is that what happened?


No comment.


Are you going to Tax Prom?

Am I... What?

Going to Tax Prom.

I have no idea what that is.

It's a prom
run by tax lobbyists.

Tax Prom.

Hill staffers dress up,
get drunk,

argue about Paul Krugman,

vomit on the sidewalk.

It's pretty fun.

I can't tell
if you're being serious.

I'm being serious.

You want to go?

Why are the Democrats
being so difficult?

You know the cameras are off,

You and your socialist friends

can end the pain right now.

Just sit down and listen
to our offer.

What offer?
Ah, ha, ha.

Oh, no, no, no.

Tortilla Nights,
tomorrow, 9:00 a.m.

We'll lay it out.

Well, it's got
to be good.

Oh, it'll be good.

What happened with
his legislative director?

Did he say anything?


But he asked me
to the Tax Prom.


Remember... Annie.

Lincoln Memorial.

I'm on it.

♪ ♪

No, stop looking at the board.



It's okay to go.




You should have castled sooner,


The King's Indian defense.


Nope, sorry.


Try again.
(clicks tongue)

you haven't moved a piece yet.

You need to move a piece
so that I can move a piece.

That's how...
that's how it works.


Okay, Oscar, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna count down.

Six, five,





Someone call 911!

(siren wailing)


I think it might be

a diffuse axonal

Are you a doctor, sir?

No, but I read a lot.

Aah! They're in my head!

Make 'em stop! Sir? Sir,
I need you to lie still.

Distract him.

They're inside me! Help me!
Calm him down.

Uh, Oscar, uh, listen to me.

Listen, um,
I had you in check.

So don't think
that you can distract me.

I know where
all the pieces were.

That wasn't check.

you know it was.
King's pawn to D3.

Bishop's pawn...
(panting) F6.

No, but you
didn't move to F6.

Yes, I did.
(chuckles) Oh, Gustav!

Make 'em stop!

Just a little bit longer.

Okay, Oscar, queen's pawn

to E4.

They're inside my head!

Focus on the board.
Queen's pawn to E4.


Which one? Which pawn?

Come on, Oscar.

You really gonna
let me win?

(Oscar groaning)




Thanks for coming out
during the shutdown.


We all need to do something,

It's been a great year
for tax policy.

Two percent capital gain cuts.

(cheering and applause)

Dependent Care Tax Credit.

That's right. Conforming
SECA Taxes for Professional

Service Businesses. Yeah.

And now it's time to celebrate.

Are you ready?
(mild affirmation)

Come on! Are you ready
for some major tax funk?!

♪ Party people ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Tag Team music
in full effect ♪

♪ That's me,
DC the Brain Supreme ♪

♪ And my man Steve Roll'n ♪
♪ Come on ♪

♪ We're kicking the flow ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, come on ♪

♪ Tag Team back again,
check its records ♪

♪ Let's begin,
party on, party people ♪

♪ Let me hear some noise,
DC's in the house... ♪

Ma'am, can I
take your picture?

Stacie? Oh, my God.

What the hell
are you doing here?

Last time I checked, you were in
California getting famous. I was.

I came back to make some money.
What about you?

You had all those amazing photos

Thanks. I'm working for...

Roll Call,
making some money, too.

Can you believe it?
I'm turning into my mother.


you know who I saw?
You won't believe it. Abby.

Abby Summers? You're kidding.

I thought she was
whitewater rafting

in New Guinea.
In New Guinea. I know.

You've been following her blog,
too? She's changed a lot.

I mean a lot a lot.

Come on.

What, she's here?

At the Tax Prom?

Hey, Abby,
look who I found.

Laurel, how are you?

Abby, wow.

Look at you. I know.
I was saying

the same thing. I don't usually
come to events like this,

but work sent me.
Tell her

where work is.

Help America Rise Again.


Isn't that the...
right wing group?

If by "right wing"
you mean we're right, then...


Look, Laurel, I know
you're into Democratic politics,

but you have to read
the literature.

It makes a lot of sense.

I'll send you some tapes.
Yes, she's sending me

some, too.

Abby, uh, on your blog

you said you won
the Genius Grant last month

to-to write your novel.

Yeah, I know.
But why write a novel

when the country
is going down the drain?

When the American Dream
is under attack.

Have you listened to Trump?
(phone ringing)

Ooh. I need to grab this.

It's my boss.

Her parents were Republicans,
but I always thought

she had rebelled
against them.

Stacie, I have to go.
I'm meeting someone.

But we should have Abby
over sometime. Girls' night.

Yeah, get her drunk.
A sort of reverse intervention.

So, you'll talk to her?

Good to have you back,

♪ I'm amazing, outstanding,
demanding... ♪

There you are.

Here I am.
You look great.

Thank you.

I feel like an idiot.
You don't look

like an idiot.

You don't either.

You want to dance?

No, I want a drink.

Exploding head syndrome
is very real and very common,

but it's not
about an actual exploding head.

Infrasound can be dangerous
to the body,

and there's even been talk
of sonic weapons.

But even at 240 decibels,
the head could never explode.


♪ ♪

(dance music playing) LAUREL:
Have you noticed no one

in D.C. drinks anymore?

Every administration's

During the Bushes,
people went to bed at 9:00.

The Clintons, 2:00
in the morning.

No. No, things are changing.

My friend became
a political fanatic overnight.

Last week,
she was writing a novel.

This week, she's raving
about Trump.

And why do I think if she
was raving about Hillary

she wouldn't be
quite so fanatic?

You think I'm more partisan
than you, don't I?

I mean "don't-don't you?"

I think you and a lot
of Democrats are tolerant

of everything but Republicans.

That's because a lot
of Republicans

are just intolerant.

Am I intolerant?

You're... cynical.

But I don't... Everybody is.

Do you think people in this town
were ever idealistic?

Yeah. Reagan.

Oh, God, you're kidding.

I knew that was
gonna piss you off.

I think people come here and...

they're idealists and then
they get it beaten out of them.

Just a little bit every day.

And then they're just...

shells of themselves.
But not the people

in L.A., right? I mean,
that's where we find the...

true idealists.

We don't really talk, do we?
We just... (chuckles)

contradict each other.

(phone ringing)

I'm sorry. I have to take this.

Don't leave.

Yes, Senator. Hold on.

Oh, he's not gonna be
very happy about that, sir.

He already thinks
Spitz took his chair.

Well, we don't have
anything to give.

No, yeah, no problem.
I'll make the call.

Excuse me.


(line ringing)

WOMAN (recorded): This is the Senate
offices of Senator Michael Barneki.

We're not in right now,
but you can leave a message...

(phone beeps off)


He used you.


(phone rings)
LUKE: Yeah.

Senator Barneki.

And this is from Wheatus's man?


That makes sense.
Barneki is a moderate,

and Red hates him.
Did Gareth tell you this?

No, he was calling Barneki
to do damage control.

Good. We'll get right on it.

Oh, hey, and I'm helping
your cancer girl.

My "cancer girl"?

I know. She's a real human being
with a real name.

Give me a break. Good job.

(phone beeps off)

♪ This is how we do it ♪

♪ It's Friday night ♪

♪ And I feel all right ♪
Let's dance.

Sure, why not.
♪ The party's here ♪

♪ On the West Side,
so I reach for my 40 ♪

♪ And I turn it up,
designated driver ♪

♪ Take the keys to my truck ♪

♪ Hit the shore
'cause I'm faded ♪

♪ Honeys in the street say,
"Monty, yo, we made it" ♪

♪ It feels so good ♪

♪ In my hood tonight... ♪

Hi, I'm Laurel.

I believe you're next.

Have a seat.

How may I help you, Rochelle...


He was my father.

I'm so sorry.

You were with him

in the ambulance?


Can you tell me what happened?
They won't release the body,

and no one's saying anything. It's, uh...
it's sort of hard to...

The autopsy said he died
of tepefactisque sanguinem.

Overheated blood.

I'm not sure I understand.
That's not a real thing.

I'm a resident at Mount Vernon,
and there is nothing

in the blood that has enough
power to open a cranial gap.

And that's what happened, right?

I really think
you should talk to the police.

Ms. Healy, I work in an E.R.

Anything you have to say,

I can take it.

His head exploded?

Was he conscious?

Did he say anything?


He said they were
inside him.

(clears throat)

I, um...

I have to show you something.

This is
a parasagittal scan

of a healthy
cranial cavity.

This is what a brain
should look like.

A man was brought into the E.R.

He collapsed in the park,
complaining of severe headaches.

A CAT scan was performed.

What are those?

I don't know.

The nurse thought

there was something wrong
with the equipment.

We can sometimes get
image artifacts

related to normal
wear and tear.

So she performed
another CAT scan.

They're still there.

Yes, but there's
something weird.

They moved.

What does this have to do
with your father?

This man's head exploded, too.

Good morning.

Good morning, gentlemen.

What a great day.

Where are the
Bloody Marys, Red?

I'm not drinking
but, uh, feel free.

Quite a change for you.

Turning a new leaf.

Woke up one morning

and realized my body
was a temple.

Now wheat germ shakes,
best thing for you.

Read this book, Forever Juice.

I'll send you copies.

What's the offer, Red?


we want the shutdown to end.

There's... there's
too much pain.


What's the offer?

Commerce, education and energy.

What about them?

Well, they're wasteful,

bloated bureaucracies

that hamper the free market.

We'll agree to a budget deal
if you agree to cut them.

(Luke laughs)
(laughs): Cut... Wh...?

Are you serious?

It's the best we can do.

You're insane.

On the contrary.

I'm the sanest man in this room.

I can also

bench-press more
than anyone here.


(slurps loudly)

They have completely
gone off the deep end.


We can use it.

(camera shutter clicking

(door closes)

(camera shutter continues

♪ ♪

♪ ♪


(phones ringing)

Grace, what's overheated blood?

I have no idea.


She's been furloughed.

The government shutdown.

I'm your temp, Butch.

I thought Public Safety
was exempted.

You're exempted.

We're non-essential personnel.

By the way,
there's someone here

to see you.
I think she said

her name was Laurel.

Could be.

Do you want me to ask?

Uh, no,
just-just give me a second.

Ms. Healy.

Hi, uh, what a surprise.

I'm sorry to just drop by,

but the switchboard wasn't
letting me through.

Non-essential personnel.

Thank you, Grace... Bruce.



Oh, no, that's okay.

I have to get back to work
anyway, but I have something.

You said to call
if I had something.


Someone else died in the
same way as Dr. Daudier.

Really? In a CAT scan machine
at Mount Vernon Hospital.

How do you know this?
Daudier's daughter

is a resident there,
Rochelle Daudier.

I would talk to her.

Yeah, thanks, I will.

Uh, Rochelle?

And... that's it.

With the switchboard,

if you have any more trouble,
here's my cell number.

LUKE (on TV): The single most
important job a senator can do

is take care of his constituents.
Thank you.

Sometimes they call or e-mail.

Annie was a walk-in.

You okay?
Yeah, yeah, thanks.

All she wanted to do
was take a picture

at the Lincoln Memorial
before she died,

that's all.

Oh, come on.

But the Republicans
have prevented

this courageous young lady

from fulfilling that wish.

Social media has blown up

with support
for "Shutdown Annie."

That wasn't the point,
so you could get some

political advantage
out of her.

Well, that wasn't
your point.

Do you think
the Republicans

would go any
easier on us?


Scarlett, can you
give us a minute?

I brought her to you
so you could help her,

not help yourself.
The fact that

I'm using someone politically

doesn't mean I don't care.

I do care.

I care enough that I don't
just want to win this for Mary.

I want to win this...
Wait, who's Mary?

Whatever her name is.


Her name is Annie.

I... I lost my cadence there.

I want to win it for all

It's not either or.

It's the language
of politics

and I'll tell you right now,

Red Wheatus is going insane

and trying to figure
how to get Annie

into the Washington Memorial

with a photo op.

That is being effective.

I love you.
MISTY: This can, of course,

be seen for what it is,

a cynical ploy by the Democrats.

Then again, that little girl

and her story,
will undoubtedly

touch many hearts.

We need to neutralize
this thing fast.

Get me everything you can
on that girl.

Turn it into a positive, sir.

Take her
to the Lincoln Memorial.

That's the old way.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

We need to show the Democrats
that we mean business.

They bring Cancer Girl.

We bring a knife.

You get me that knife.

You were falling down,

and we tried to carry you.

That was not me.
That was Abby.

No, it was you. Abby, get over here.
Well, I did. I left word for him...

Defend your honor.

I left word for you Thursday,
but I have not heard back.

What happened to the clog
dancing documentary anyway?

I couldn't get the money to finish it.
God, that was fun.

I thought there wouldn't be
a frame in focus,

the way you were drinking.

Will do, sir. Okay.

Are you gonna
say something?

Uh-huh. Okay, sir. Bye-bye.

Yeah, if you are.

Sorry. Work.

No problem. Red or white?

Oh. I'm okay. No wine for me.

I'm on a cleanse.
You guys should really try it.

Wheatgrass and beets.

It's from this book,
Forever Juice.

It's amazing.

I thought Laurel was the
one out in California,

not you.

did you guys read that
Wall Street Journal editorial

this morning about the shutdown?


It was hilarious.
(chuckles) LAUREL: Yeah.

Abby, why'd you give up
your Genius Grant?

I would've killed
for one of those.

Ugh, I don't know.
I read the novel.

I didn't think it was very good.

And I needed money.

And the world
is so out of control.

Yeah, but Help
America Rise?


They are trying
to turn things around.

Where is this coming from?


I really don't like

the way Democrats always treat
political differences

like the opposition
has to be insane.

Yeah, but giving up
your Genius Grant--

I mean, it-it's just...
it's such a weird change.

Why? You're the one
who's back in D.C.

working for her brother.

You're the one
who hasn't completed a single

documentary since college.
Laurel's just saying that...

No, I know what she's saying,

but I've always had
to fend for myself.

No family money
to rely on.

No senator brother
giving me a job.

And what is
the problem

with me taking responsibility
for my life?

I don't want to be 40 years old
and looking back on my life...


what's wrong?

I have to get home. Sorry.

(door opens, closes)

MAN: I've been a
Republican my whole life.

LUKE: It's a game
of musical chairs, Senator,

and you just
lost your chair.

It's not the same party
anymore, Senator.

Our two sides used
to work together. Like...

Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neill.

They were drinking buddies. But look at
you here. I mean, look at these offices.

You come to us, and you'll get
the best office on the floor.

What else?

You can have the gavel.

And $12 million
in PAC money.

And who do you think
will be president?

ELLA: Or you can
stay a Republican,

and Red will run someone
against you from the right.

That's what happens
to moderates now. You know that.


We did it!

Laurel, we flipped him!

Your information was good!

Laurel isn't here, Senator.
Is everything all right?

It sure is. We turned Barneki.
He's crossing the aisle.

That's great. We'll have the
majority again. Damn right.

Got to love this game.

What are you doing?

It was great.

He just crumbled.

Did you tell him
what happened to moderates?

Yeah. We have a press conference
tomorrow morning to announce it.

I can't wait
to see the Republican faces.


You all right?


Mmm. Kiss me.

Mmm. Um,

Scarlett, am I hurting you or...

more. It feels so good.

So good. Here.

Okay. We really don't need
to be doing this.

No, I want to. Look, watch.


Doesn't that feel good?

Mmm, baby, how's that?


Laurel talked to you,
didn't she?

My sister talked to you.


She made you feel guilty.

She talked to you about my wife.

I want to pleasure you.


I want you now.

(upbeat fiddle music playing)

(rhythmic clapping)

(whooping, cheering)

Go, Abby!

(music and clapping continue
on video)

(phone beeps,
line ringing)

ABBY: Hi, this is Abby.
Leave me a voice mail.


Call me, Abby. Um...

I think I need to apologize.


It's Laurel.

(phone beeps off)


What did you say to Scarlett?

What did... About what?

About Scarlett... being with me.

Being with you? Oh, is that
what they call infidelity now?

What did you say, Laurel?

I didn't say anything.
Why would I?

Because you're my sister
and you like to meddle.

Luke. I have a life.

It's my life.
It consumes my time.

Yes, and yet you always seem to
have time to criticize my life.

When have I ever

High school. Tammy Bixby.

Oh, my God,
are you talking about Pixie?

Yes, I criticized you

because Pixie
was sleeping

with every guy in school,
and I'm...

Oh, you know what,

I'm done
being assaulted tonight.

Can I just go to bed?

Just leave Scarlett alone, okay?

Wait a minute.

Why do you think
I talked to Scarlett?

Oh, my God,
you're sleeping with her again.

No, I wasn't.
Clearly, I wasn't.

Oh, because
she didn't want to?


Look, I'm-I'm going now.

Luke, you're married.

Germaine loves you.
Good night.

This was fun.

MISTY: The 12-year-old has since
been dubbed Shutdown Annie.

But rumors surfaced earlier
today of her father's classes

at UDC where he has taught

that Abraham Lincoln was,
in fact, gay.


This is the rubbish we teach...
Gareth, get in here.

This is you.

Oh, my God.

They think Lincoln was gay?
That has nothing to do

with wanting to get in
to see the monument.

MONARCH: According to neighbors, Mr.
Henry Leafton

and his daughter
sued the school district

over the use of the pledge
of allegiance in her class.

Oh, good, an atheist, too.
Sure, why not?

MISTY: reaction
from the Democrats yet

about Atheist Annie,

but some have wondered why they
are continuing to play political

games instead of sitting down
with the Republicans.

Bring it here.

I can't help but wonder
how this is going to play...

You gave me the knife, buddy,

and I gutted them
from belly to chin.


BARNEKI:'s fairly obvious as to
why that is. All right, here it comes.

The coup de grâce.

Senator Healy offered me
anything I wanted

to cross the aisle--

appointments, PAC money,
even the gavel.

He needs to stop
using the shutdown

to play games,
and make no mistake...

She swallowed it,
hook, line and sinker.


Yeah. (laughs)


...appointments, PAC money,
even the gavel...

Wait, you said
he called Barneki.

Barneki was the odd man out.

He did. I saw him...



You were played.

That's what
you were thinking.

You got to stay awake, sis.
They're sharks,

they'll kill us if they can.

You screwed me.

Laurel. Hey, how are you? Come on in.
You got me drinking

and then you fed me
a piece of misinformation...

Hey, wait a minute. I wrote
a number on a piece of paper...

A number that you faked. see if you'd steal it.

That's all.

You didn't have to steal it.

You're right.

Thanks for the education.

Take care.

(indistinct conversations)

My friends,

this is a fiasco
of historic proportions.

We are now the godless,

"Lincoln was gay" party.

And we all know
who is to blame.

(all clamoring)
May I say something, please?

May I say something,

Hey, hey, let her speak.

Hey. Let her speak.

I have been patient.

We all have.

But I now call
for a vote

to remove Senator Healy

as whip,
and I put myself forward

as a candidate to replace him.


Great idea.

(shouts of agreement)


I work for Senator Healy
and he said

I could access
the monument tonight.

Uh, the government's shut down.
No one gets in.

What's your name?
Stan. Good.

Senator Healy's looking
to make some budget cuts

to the security payroll...
That's not gonna work, ma'am.

Would you please move along?

I'm sorry, I just did
not have a good day.

Okay, here's the thing:

a young girl with cancer
traveled across the country

to see all the major monuments,
and this is the last one.

She's a fan of Lincoln
and all she wants

is her picture
in front of him.


Ten minutes.


Ten minutes.



It's pretty cool,
isn't it?

I've never been here.

Can you believe that?

I've lived here my whole life
and I've never been here.

I'd come here
every day.

Hey, you two.

"We here highly resolve that:

"these dead shall not
have died in vain--

that this nation,
under God..."

Not under God.

Dad, please shut up.

"...shall have
a new birth of freedom--

"and that the government
of the people,

"by the people,

"and for the people

shall not perish
from the earth."

What happened to everything?

Why does nobody
think that way anymore?

They probably do,
they just

don't like
talking about it.

Things were just as bad
when Lincoln was president.

People need to
not just give up.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(phone rings)

(phone beeps)


Hi, Abby.
You caught me off guard.

Is this a bad time?
No, no, it's fine-- I'm just

getting back from the Lincoln
Memorial and it was amazing.

I thought it was just a tourist thing.
I don't think

I've been since
high school.

I know.

It was kind of...


Listen, you were right, I was

totally out of line
the other night,

and I'm so sorry...

I shouldn't have said all that.

I mean, I know who you are.

Maybe I was jealous.

I'm sorry.
It's this town.

I hate this town.

And I don't, at the same time.

You know what?
Do you want to come over now?

I was just making some tea.

Tea sounds good.

Maybe a rain check.


I'll text you, Laurel.

Great. Okay.


(doorknob rattling)


I can't open the door.

Don't worry.

It'll be over in a minute.
(rattling continues)


There's something in here.




Get me out of here!

Abby, there's bugs in here!

Help me!

("You Might Think"
by The Cars playing loudly)



(music drowning out screams)

♪ ♪