Zeroman (2004–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Artificial Intolerance - full transcript
Mother, I'm home.
There's a scary black car
in the driveway. Do we have-
Sit down, son.
Company? Thanks.
But I've got to-
Sit down, son.
Calmly, Jaundice, calmly.
Allow me to handle this.
Les, I am Reverend Love Glove.
Hello, Father.
Not Father. Reverend.
Forgive me, Father.
As well as being
an ordained minister.
I am what is called a
romantic interventionist.
Ah a romantic
interventionist, you say?
I too am intolerant,
but for me it's lactose.
Oh, and I
can't eat cheese on Fridays
or was that ice cream?
It's something dairy.
Shut up. He's
here to help you.
Calmly, Jaundice, calmly.
Les, what we are
doing here today is
called a romantic intervention.
We need to deal
with your inability
to forge anything
remotely resembling
a romantic relationship
So you can move the
heck outta my house.
But I don't have a problem
with relationships, Father,
and I wouldn't
dream of moving out
and abandoning my beloved mommy.
Abandoned me.
Please! Abandon me.
Calmly, Jaundice, calmly.
Allow me to handle this.
This is denial.
You are romantically challenged.
You have no girlfriend,
no prospects.
You're still living at home,
and you're 64 years old.
Not for three weeks, Father.
You are a pathetic,
lonely loser.
When was the last time
you had an actual date
with an actual woman?
When that didn't come
with a foot pump, huh?
Answer me, huh? Huh? Huh?
Hello, Ty.
I need to talk to you
and Gary about something
Gary's not in yet. And
have you been crying?
Crying? Ty? I'm a man of zeal.
Men of zeal don't cry.
That would be
ridiculous.
Z Man. Come on now.
Get it together. Get a grip.
Stop crying for crying out loud.
What's wrong with you?
Everything.
Mother and the Father are right.
I'm romantically challenged.
I'm hopeless. I
have no love life.
I'm hopelessly in love with
Sally, but my love is hopeless.
Do you hear?
Hope, hope, hopeless.
Why would you say that?
Well, it's far too
dangerous for any woman
to be involved with me.
It's the curse of the superhero.
Oh, if only sweet
Sally Uberchick
were interested in Les
Mutton and not Zeroman.
But what are
you talking about?
Just this morning, she
asked you to take her
to her high school
reunion, remember?
She asked Les not Zeroman.
Yes.
Maybe I should accept her
invitation as a friend so
that we can both attend the
reunion and talk importantly
as only two friendly
friends can.
Strictly as friends of course.
What do you think, Ty?
I think I'll go change.
Why Les Mutton, aren't
you the handsome devil?
I don't know how I'm gonna
keep the other girls off you
with that snappy tux
and the shine shoes.
I'm really glad you
came tonight, Les,
because I have something I
need to talk to you about.
I've been offered a
job in another city
and well since I don't
see any real future
for me here, professionally
or personally,
I was kind of thinking
I should take it
unless you have a better idea.
Talk to me, Les.
I really need to
know what you think.
Well, Sally, I think
you should reconsider.
Well if it isn't
sweet Sally Uberchick.
Gee, Sally, if
you needed a date,
you could have called me
instead of the old folks home.
I see you guys
haven't changed a bit
except for the comb
overs, beer bellies,
and the unmistakable
stink of failure.
Holy crap. Look who showed
up. It's the Wet Willies.
Check out their date.
Greetings fellow alumni.
Long time no see.
Get us a couple of
drinks, would you, baby?
And don't spare the ice.
Yes, masters.
One side. Hot
chick coming through.
Whoa.
Looks like you two odds have
scored big since high school.
Yeah. What have you dorks
been up to all this time?
Climbing the ladder
at computer shop?
Funny you should ask.
Blaine, it's time
for sweet payback.
Raging wedgy butt.
Yes. That's it
my robot slaves.
Leave no jocks' skull unnoogied.
Les, they're everywhere.
In my hair, in my face, in my,
whoah, Les!
Ow, hey. Keep your
claws to yourself.
Les. Les.
Noogies and wedgies are my...
Like a job for for Zeroman,
but I'll need a clever rouse
in order to slip away
into my super suit.
Think, man, think.
Sorry, Sally.
I seem to be suffering strobe
light-induced disco-seizure
that runs in by family.
I'll only be a minute.
Sounds like an evil
reunion in here.
It's wedgie bods and
noogie bots galore.
Wet Willies, I have
zero plans for you.
When I get finished
with these bots,
I'm gonna show you what
zero pain feels like.
There's too many to take
on a single
Ow. Hey!
Keep your claws to
yourself. Whoah. Les! Les!
Curse you man of zeal.
You'll pay for this.
Now then. Where were we boys?
Oh yes. Taste
sweet, musky justice
you wet and willful willies.
Now go home and think
about what you've done.
Oops. Pardon me, miss.
My glasses seemed to slip down.
Down my glasses. Don't
look at me please.
Nothing to see here.
I'm just Zeroman.
Without eyewear.
Nothing more or less.
Definitely not Les.
Les! I'd really like
to go home now, please.
Les. Hey. Les.
Oh yes, Zeroman.
You shall pay for
your interference
in our affairs.
With a few genius modifications,
our beautiful companion
has been transformed
into a mindless killing machine.
Yeah.
Just look at those
fantastic modifications.
She is now ready to
exact sweet revenge
on our most despised chalk-of-all,
- Zeroman.
With her irresistible
kiss of death
and joint acquire the scent.
Excellent.
Now armed with Zeroman's
own armpit scent.
Our ravishing robot
will track him down
wherever he resides.
Ty, Ty, Ty, what
am I going to do?
My worst fears have come true.
Because I'm Zeroman,
someone I deeply deeply care
about has become
deeply, deeply wounded.
Hey, don't you think you're
overreacting just a bit, huh?
Sally's a big girl.
I'm sure she's fine.
Fine. But she was wedgied, Ty.
Deeply, deeply wedgied.
Maybe you don't know
what that feels like.
Maybe.
And then she had
to walk home alone.
Jelted and abandoned
by Les Mutton.
I hate that Les Mutton,
and so does Sally.
Jubilation.
Our ravishing assassin
has followed the scent
to that Chevy
suburban residence.
She's found Zeroman.
Sweet payback is at hand.
Shall I break out the
Peppermint Schnapps?
Not yet.
Let's see where this goes.
I guess I'll just
have to accept the hand
that fate has dealt to me.
I am a superhero, a man of zeal
who might never find true love.
Whether it's Sally
or some other woman,
the right girl for
you will come along.
How about now?
It's the woman
from the reunion.
She saw me as Zeroman
without my glasses.
She saw what?
Hello, elderly female.
Is your male spawn at
home? I have come for him.
Yes, yes. Come in.
You're late. The others
are already here.
Well, I'll just call my son.
Leslie.
Whatever you've been doing
in there for the last hour.
stop it right now.
Four women with desperately
low expectations are waiting
for you.
Leslie!
She saw you
without your glasses.
Your glasses are your disguise.
Your whole secret identity
is blown without them.
You're right,
Ty. You're right.
Ty's always right.
And now she's tracked
you here and plans
to prove that Les
Mutton is Zeroman
But she seems so
nice and beautiful.
You can't manufacture
that kind of beauty, Ty.
There is no doubt about it.
You're about to be outed.
Cheddar Jesus, I
can't let that happen.
I'm not about to be
outed without a bout.
He'll
be here in a minute
Target situated in pursuit.
Did you see that lady?
That's the kind of get up
and go we're looking for.
What is she doing?
That's the mailman, not Zeroman.
She's supposed to be stalking
Zeroman. Not the mailman
Type, you idiot, type.
Ah, stand back, you gal there.
Don't you think I'm not
hip for your dirty game.
You know who I am.
And you'll know that I
know that you know who I am
because I told you so, you know,
so you know
and now I know that,
that you know that,
that I know.
So don't you try to deny it
and say, no, you don't know.
So what do you want?
I want to kiss you.
I see. Sexual
blackmail, is it?
Well, if you think
for one minute
I'm gonna cave into
your perverted demands,
you've got another
kiss you say, oh,
I've not been kissed
for some time.
Not by a woman anyway.
And certainly not
full on the lips.
No, I'm sorry really.
I just
can't be unfaithful to Sally
even though we don't actually
have an actual relationship
in the actual sense.
I can't. I can't. I can't.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Hello, Mrs. Mutton.
I was wondering if I could
see Les for a moment.
All right, but you'll have
to take a number, honey.
Go get him girls.
And did you know my
son has a huge package
of retirement savings?
Sally.
Les. What's going on? What
happened to you last night,
and who are all
those strange women?
And why are you
in your underwear?
Sally? I can explain.
I've never seen
those strange women
in my underwear before.
Oh, yeah? What about that one?
Oh, this one I've seen.
Wait a minute. Wasn't
she at the reunion?
Yes, but I have no
idea why she's here now.
I want to kiss you.
Okay. I think I've seen all
I need to see. Goodbye, Les
Sally, wait. It's
not how it looks.
These full pouting lips
mean nothing to me.
There he is.
So you're telling me
that was the same woman I saw
at the reunion?
Yes it was.
And you were rolling
around with her in your yard
in your underwear because
she's a chiropractor?
I know it sounds crazy, but
she prefers to work outdoors.
Something about the
fresh air and sunshine.
She said she
wanted to kiss you.
Yes, she did wanna
kiss me. K-I-S-S.
It's a rare chiropractic
adjustment that stands
for chiropractic
interspinal something.
There's no K in chiropractic
Right. She's foreign.
Uh-huh, and those
other women are friends
of your mothers who
want to marry you?
Apparently. It's
a free country.
That's right, Les. It is.
And the more I think about it,
the more I think I
should take that job.
Oh Sally, I wish you wouldn't.
We've become close
friends you and I.
And if you left town,
it would be like a really
close friend leaving town,
leaving me without my
really close friend
who I would really miss
Really? And that other
girl means nothing to you?
Really? I can't
fib to you Sally.
And in fact there's something
about me that I think
it's time you knew.
No, Les. There's
something you should know.
I'm taking that job and I'm
leaving Fair City for good.
So long.
Sally. But I don't understand.
Was it something I said?
I want to kiss you.
United
tube way activated.
Preparing for Gary
Glengarry arrival.
Hey Ty.
What's the boot?
What's the buzz?
What's the haps?
Where's Zeroman?
What's with the shirt?
What is it, Gary?
It's kind of life and
death down here right now.
Hey, don't sound so
thrilled to see me.
I've got that info you
needed on Zeroman's stalker.
What?
I told my boys down
at Glengarry Labs
to pull an all-nighter
on this one.
They ran a full DNA scan
on that babe's spit sample
you scraped off Les's chin.
And guess what?
What?
They really pull
an all-nighter.
Now, I guess they
know cuts the checks.
I mean, what did they find?
That's the weird part,
my man. It's spooked.
They didn't find anything.
All right. Thank you.
No help at all.
Get outta my chair.
They found nothing because
she doesn't have any DNA.
No DNA you said?
Well, that is weird.
I don't understand it.
We've stripped her down.
Completely examined every
single perfect inch of her
Several times
And still we can find
nothing wrong with her.
Maybe we should call
the whole thing off.
She might kill the mailman
and he's a good mailman.
The best damn mailman we've
ever had. He's always prompt.
Never creases our comic
books, but mailman or not,
we've got to finish
Zeroman off for good.
We're gonna reapply the
scent and send her out again.
Laugh, you idiot.
Sally, what are you doing?
I was just packing.
Packing already?
No, I can't let you go.
Not until I tell you
and apologize for my
strange behavior lately.
Geez, Les, take it easy.
You're hyperventilating here.
Breathe into this
bag and get some air.
This isn't in my
job description.
I'm a sidekick
and a millionaire,
not some dutiful launderette.
Sidekick-in-training, Hazel.
And I think I've got a lock
in this leggy stalker.
You know those computer
signals we picked up?
They were coming from her.
You mean she's a spy?
She's wearing a wire?
Oh, she's wearing
a lot of wires.
Les's stalker is an
Android programmed
to track Zeroman
down and kill him.
What? She can't do that.
Gotta go warn him.
That's for calling
me Hazel, Alice.
Sally. I wanna be
completely honest with you.
I haven't been truthful lately
and friends like you and I
shouldn't have any secrets
between us.
I'm glad to hear you say that.
So that woman who's been
following you around.
Who is she?
Actually she's in real estate.
Well, actually she's a stalker,
a practitioner of
the blackmail arts.
Blackmail?
Why? You mean you've
got secrets, Les?
Yes. One very big
secret and two small ones.
They're unrelated
and a little odd,
but I want to tell
you everything.
Look, Les. It's really
none of my business.
You don't owe me
any explanations.
We're only just
friends after all.
That's what you
keep saying anyway.
- Yes, that's true, but-
- Pssst.
But that didn't
come from me did it?
Pssst.
Hey, would you look at that.
How about an Italian ice
cream Sally? It's that Friday.
Gary? What are you doing here?
Don't tell me you own this
ice cream concession too.
Yes, but that's not important.
I came here to warn you.
That lady is a robot.
Sally is a robot?
That's impossible.
I've seen her swimming.
Not Sally. Sally's
not the robot.
It's that hot bot
that's been tailing you.
I'll be right there, Sally.
They've got spumoni.
Just stay sharp. And remember
she's trying to kill you.
Sally?
No, the Android. Android. Man.
She's got that scent.
Zeroman must be
somewhere near.
Shall I break out
the licorice eyes?
Not yet. Let's
see where this goes.
Be careful, Les. Do
not let her kiss you.
Her lips and tongue
are deadly weapons.
Sally's?
No. Android.
I want to kiss you.
She's after the
damn mailman again,
and he's such a good mailman.
We have no choice, brother
Blaine. We have to abort.
I want to kiss you.
I must kiss you.
No means no. No means no.
No. No means no. Help. Help.
Italian ice cream man?
Somebody do something!
Leave my friend alone.
Aw, she's kissing
a girl. Abort. Abort.
Not yet. Let's
see where this goes.
Are you seeing this,
Ty? What's going on?
I thought this was supposed
to be a kiss of death?
Instead, it's
just
Taking a really long time.
Doesn't do a
thing for me, guys.
I guess the kiss of
death was designed
to only work on men.
Whoa.
It seems that a kiss from a
female has caused our robot's
chips to fry.
Leaving her
crashed and confused.
I must kiss you
Prepare to taste wet,
musky justice one more time,
Wet Willies.
Shall we make a
break for it, brother?
Not yet. Let's
see where this goes.
Zeroman? I was
waiting for Les.
He's been acting
really strange lately.
No time for casual
flirting, Sally.
I'm only here to explain
that Les's behavior can
be explained by a way
of me explaining that he was
working for me as stink bait.
Stink bait?
To lure the deadly
droid into the open
so that I me could
thwart the Wet Willies
evil kissy plot against me.
I.
So Les was working for you?
Whole time, Sally.
Now please don't let
your obvious feelings
for me get in the way of you
ever finding true happiness
with oh say, Les,
not me, myself or I
I don't have feelings
for you Zeroman.
Hey look, there's Les.
Sorry. I disappeared
again there Sally.
I'm lactose intolerant,
and it runs in the family.
It was that darn ice cream
or sprinkles or it
was something dairy.
Les you don't have to
make up stories anymore.
Zeroman told me everything.
Zeroman was just
here and I missed him?
Well, I'll be.
And you don't have to worry
about me leaving without
knowing how you feel.
I think I know, and
I'm not leaving.
There just might be a future
for me here after all.
And I promise to stick around
as long as you do, Les.
Horseman's honor, Sally.
This time nothing can tear me
away from my appointed rounds.
Neither rain nor snow or--
Leslie!
Mother!
There he is.
Less is more I guess.
See you around tiger.
There's a scary black car
in the driveway. Do we have-
Sit down, son.
Company? Thanks.
But I've got to-
Sit down, son.
Calmly, Jaundice, calmly.
Allow me to handle this.
Les, I am Reverend Love Glove.
Hello, Father.
Not Father. Reverend.
Forgive me, Father.
As well as being
an ordained minister.
I am what is called a
romantic interventionist.
Ah a romantic
interventionist, you say?
I too am intolerant,
but for me it's lactose.
Oh, and I
can't eat cheese on Fridays
or was that ice cream?
It's something dairy.
Shut up. He's
here to help you.
Calmly, Jaundice, calmly.
Les, what we are
doing here today is
called a romantic intervention.
We need to deal
with your inability
to forge anything
remotely resembling
a romantic relationship
So you can move the
heck outta my house.
But I don't have a problem
with relationships, Father,
and I wouldn't
dream of moving out
and abandoning my beloved mommy.
Abandoned me.
Please! Abandon me.
Calmly, Jaundice, calmly.
Allow me to handle this.
This is denial.
You are romantically challenged.
You have no girlfriend,
no prospects.
You're still living at home,
and you're 64 years old.
Not for three weeks, Father.
You are a pathetic,
lonely loser.
When was the last time
you had an actual date
with an actual woman?
When that didn't come
with a foot pump, huh?
Answer me, huh? Huh? Huh?
Hello, Ty.
I need to talk to you
and Gary about something
Gary's not in yet. And
have you been crying?
Crying? Ty? I'm a man of zeal.
Men of zeal don't cry.
That would be
ridiculous.
Z Man. Come on now.
Get it together. Get a grip.
Stop crying for crying out loud.
What's wrong with you?
Everything.
Mother and the Father are right.
I'm romantically challenged.
I'm hopeless. I
have no love life.
I'm hopelessly in love with
Sally, but my love is hopeless.
Do you hear?
Hope, hope, hopeless.
Why would you say that?
Well, it's far too
dangerous for any woman
to be involved with me.
It's the curse of the superhero.
Oh, if only sweet
Sally Uberchick
were interested in Les
Mutton and not Zeroman.
But what are
you talking about?
Just this morning, she
asked you to take her
to her high school
reunion, remember?
She asked Les not Zeroman.
Yes.
Maybe I should accept her
invitation as a friend so
that we can both attend the
reunion and talk importantly
as only two friendly
friends can.
Strictly as friends of course.
What do you think, Ty?
I think I'll go change.
Why Les Mutton, aren't
you the handsome devil?
I don't know how I'm gonna
keep the other girls off you
with that snappy tux
and the shine shoes.
I'm really glad you
came tonight, Les,
because I have something I
need to talk to you about.
I've been offered a
job in another city
and well since I don't
see any real future
for me here, professionally
or personally,
I was kind of thinking
I should take it
unless you have a better idea.
Talk to me, Les.
I really need to
know what you think.
Well, Sally, I think
you should reconsider.
Well if it isn't
sweet Sally Uberchick.
Gee, Sally, if
you needed a date,
you could have called me
instead of the old folks home.
I see you guys
haven't changed a bit
except for the comb
overs, beer bellies,
and the unmistakable
stink of failure.
Holy crap. Look who showed
up. It's the Wet Willies.
Check out their date.
Greetings fellow alumni.
Long time no see.
Get us a couple of
drinks, would you, baby?
And don't spare the ice.
Yes, masters.
One side. Hot
chick coming through.
Whoa.
Looks like you two odds have
scored big since high school.
Yeah. What have you dorks
been up to all this time?
Climbing the ladder
at computer shop?
Funny you should ask.
Blaine, it's time
for sweet payback.
Raging wedgy butt.
Yes. That's it
my robot slaves.
Leave no jocks' skull unnoogied.
Les, they're everywhere.
In my hair, in my face, in my,
whoah, Les!
Ow, hey. Keep your
claws to yourself.
Les. Les.
Noogies and wedgies are my...
Like a job for for Zeroman,
but I'll need a clever rouse
in order to slip away
into my super suit.
Think, man, think.
Sorry, Sally.
I seem to be suffering strobe
light-induced disco-seizure
that runs in by family.
I'll only be a minute.
Sounds like an evil
reunion in here.
It's wedgie bods and
noogie bots galore.
Wet Willies, I have
zero plans for you.
When I get finished
with these bots,
I'm gonna show you what
zero pain feels like.
There's too many to take
on a single
Ow. Hey!
Keep your claws to
yourself. Whoah. Les! Les!
Curse you man of zeal.
You'll pay for this.
Now then. Where were we boys?
Oh yes. Taste
sweet, musky justice
you wet and willful willies.
Now go home and think
about what you've done.
Oops. Pardon me, miss.
My glasses seemed to slip down.
Down my glasses. Don't
look at me please.
Nothing to see here.
I'm just Zeroman.
Without eyewear.
Nothing more or less.
Definitely not Les.
Les! I'd really like
to go home now, please.
Les. Hey. Les.
Oh yes, Zeroman.
You shall pay for
your interference
in our affairs.
With a few genius modifications,
our beautiful companion
has been transformed
into a mindless killing machine.
Yeah.
Just look at those
fantastic modifications.
She is now ready to
exact sweet revenge
on our most despised chalk-of-all,
- Zeroman.
With her irresistible
kiss of death
and joint acquire the scent.
Excellent.
Now armed with Zeroman's
own armpit scent.
Our ravishing robot
will track him down
wherever he resides.
Ty, Ty, Ty, what
am I going to do?
My worst fears have come true.
Because I'm Zeroman,
someone I deeply deeply care
about has become
deeply, deeply wounded.
Hey, don't you think you're
overreacting just a bit, huh?
Sally's a big girl.
I'm sure she's fine.
Fine. But she was wedgied, Ty.
Deeply, deeply wedgied.
Maybe you don't know
what that feels like.
Maybe.
And then she had
to walk home alone.
Jelted and abandoned
by Les Mutton.
I hate that Les Mutton,
and so does Sally.
Jubilation.
Our ravishing assassin
has followed the scent
to that Chevy
suburban residence.
She's found Zeroman.
Sweet payback is at hand.
Shall I break out the
Peppermint Schnapps?
Not yet.
Let's see where this goes.
I guess I'll just
have to accept the hand
that fate has dealt to me.
I am a superhero, a man of zeal
who might never find true love.
Whether it's Sally
or some other woman,
the right girl for
you will come along.
How about now?
It's the woman
from the reunion.
She saw me as Zeroman
without my glasses.
She saw what?
Hello, elderly female.
Is your male spawn at
home? I have come for him.
Yes, yes. Come in.
You're late. The others
are already here.
Well, I'll just call my son.
Leslie.
Whatever you've been doing
in there for the last hour.
stop it right now.
Four women with desperately
low expectations are waiting
for you.
Leslie!
She saw you
without your glasses.
Your glasses are your disguise.
Your whole secret identity
is blown without them.
You're right,
Ty. You're right.
Ty's always right.
And now she's tracked
you here and plans
to prove that Les
Mutton is Zeroman
But she seems so
nice and beautiful.
You can't manufacture
that kind of beauty, Ty.
There is no doubt about it.
You're about to be outed.
Cheddar Jesus, I
can't let that happen.
I'm not about to be
outed without a bout.
He'll
be here in a minute
Target situated in pursuit.
Did you see that lady?
That's the kind of get up
and go we're looking for.
What is she doing?
That's the mailman, not Zeroman.
She's supposed to be stalking
Zeroman. Not the mailman
Type, you idiot, type.
Ah, stand back, you gal there.
Don't you think I'm not
hip for your dirty game.
You know who I am.
And you'll know that I
know that you know who I am
because I told you so, you know,
so you know
and now I know that,
that you know that,
that I know.
So don't you try to deny it
and say, no, you don't know.
So what do you want?
I want to kiss you.
I see. Sexual
blackmail, is it?
Well, if you think
for one minute
I'm gonna cave into
your perverted demands,
you've got another
kiss you say, oh,
I've not been kissed
for some time.
Not by a woman anyway.
And certainly not
full on the lips.
No, I'm sorry really.
I just
can't be unfaithful to Sally
even though we don't actually
have an actual relationship
in the actual sense.
I can't. I can't. I can't.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Hello, Mrs. Mutton.
I was wondering if I could
see Les for a moment.
All right, but you'll have
to take a number, honey.
Go get him girls.
And did you know my
son has a huge package
of retirement savings?
Sally.
Les. What's going on? What
happened to you last night,
and who are all
those strange women?
And why are you
in your underwear?
Sally? I can explain.
I've never seen
those strange women
in my underwear before.
Oh, yeah? What about that one?
Oh, this one I've seen.
Wait a minute. Wasn't
she at the reunion?
Yes, but I have no
idea why she's here now.
I want to kiss you.
Okay. I think I've seen all
I need to see. Goodbye, Les
Sally, wait. It's
not how it looks.
These full pouting lips
mean nothing to me.
There he is.
So you're telling me
that was the same woman I saw
at the reunion?
Yes it was.
And you were rolling
around with her in your yard
in your underwear because
she's a chiropractor?
I know it sounds crazy, but
she prefers to work outdoors.
Something about the
fresh air and sunshine.
She said she
wanted to kiss you.
Yes, she did wanna
kiss me. K-I-S-S.
It's a rare chiropractic
adjustment that stands
for chiropractic
interspinal something.
There's no K in chiropractic
Right. She's foreign.
Uh-huh, and those
other women are friends
of your mothers who
want to marry you?
Apparently. It's
a free country.
That's right, Les. It is.
And the more I think about it,
the more I think I
should take that job.
Oh Sally, I wish you wouldn't.
We've become close
friends you and I.
And if you left town,
it would be like a really
close friend leaving town,
leaving me without my
really close friend
who I would really miss
Really? And that other
girl means nothing to you?
Really? I can't
fib to you Sally.
And in fact there's something
about me that I think
it's time you knew.
No, Les. There's
something you should know.
I'm taking that job and I'm
leaving Fair City for good.
So long.
Sally. But I don't understand.
Was it something I said?
I want to kiss you.
United
tube way activated.
Preparing for Gary
Glengarry arrival.
Hey Ty.
What's the boot?
What's the buzz?
What's the haps?
Where's Zeroman?
What's with the shirt?
What is it, Gary?
It's kind of life and
death down here right now.
Hey, don't sound so
thrilled to see me.
I've got that info you
needed on Zeroman's stalker.
What?
I told my boys down
at Glengarry Labs
to pull an all-nighter
on this one.
They ran a full DNA scan
on that babe's spit sample
you scraped off Les's chin.
And guess what?
What?
They really pull
an all-nighter.
Now, I guess they
know cuts the checks.
I mean, what did they find?
That's the weird part,
my man. It's spooked.
They didn't find anything.
All right. Thank you.
No help at all.
Get outta my chair.
They found nothing because
she doesn't have any DNA.
No DNA you said?
Well, that is weird.
I don't understand it.
We've stripped her down.
Completely examined every
single perfect inch of her
Several times
And still we can find
nothing wrong with her.
Maybe we should call
the whole thing off.
She might kill the mailman
and he's a good mailman.
The best damn mailman we've
ever had. He's always prompt.
Never creases our comic
books, but mailman or not,
we've got to finish
Zeroman off for good.
We're gonna reapply the
scent and send her out again.
Laugh, you idiot.
Sally, what are you doing?
I was just packing.
Packing already?
No, I can't let you go.
Not until I tell you
and apologize for my
strange behavior lately.
Geez, Les, take it easy.
You're hyperventilating here.
Breathe into this
bag and get some air.
This isn't in my
job description.
I'm a sidekick
and a millionaire,
not some dutiful launderette.
Sidekick-in-training, Hazel.
And I think I've got a lock
in this leggy stalker.
You know those computer
signals we picked up?
They were coming from her.
You mean she's a spy?
She's wearing a wire?
Oh, she's wearing
a lot of wires.
Les's stalker is an
Android programmed
to track Zeroman
down and kill him.
What? She can't do that.
Gotta go warn him.
That's for calling
me Hazel, Alice.
Sally. I wanna be
completely honest with you.
I haven't been truthful lately
and friends like you and I
shouldn't have any secrets
between us.
I'm glad to hear you say that.
So that woman who's been
following you around.
Who is she?
Actually she's in real estate.
Well, actually she's a stalker,
a practitioner of
the blackmail arts.
Blackmail?
Why? You mean you've
got secrets, Les?
Yes. One very big
secret and two small ones.
They're unrelated
and a little odd,
but I want to tell
you everything.
Look, Les. It's really
none of my business.
You don't owe me
any explanations.
We're only just
friends after all.
That's what you
keep saying anyway.
- Yes, that's true, but-
- Pssst.
But that didn't
come from me did it?
Pssst.
Hey, would you look at that.
How about an Italian ice
cream Sally? It's that Friday.
Gary? What are you doing here?
Don't tell me you own this
ice cream concession too.
Yes, but that's not important.
I came here to warn you.
That lady is a robot.
Sally is a robot?
That's impossible.
I've seen her swimming.
Not Sally. Sally's
not the robot.
It's that hot bot
that's been tailing you.
I'll be right there, Sally.
They've got spumoni.
Just stay sharp. And remember
she's trying to kill you.
Sally?
No, the Android. Android. Man.
She's got that scent.
Zeroman must be
somewhere near.
Shall I break out
the licorice eyes?
Not yet. Let's
see where this goes.
Be careful, Les. Do
not let her kiss you.
Her lips and tongue
are deadly weapons.
Sally's?
No. Android.
I want to kiss you.
She's after the
damn mailman again,
and he's such a good mailman.
We have no choice, brother
Blaine. We have to abort.
I want to kiss you.
I must kiss you.
No means no. No means no.
No. No means no. Help. Help.
Italian ice cream man?
Somebody do something!
Leave my friend alone.
Aw, she's kissing
a girl. Abort. Abort.
Not yet. Let's
see where this goes.
Are you seeing this,
Ty? What's going on?
I thought this was supposed
to be a kiss of death?
Instead, it's
just
Taking a really long time.
Doesn't do a
thing for me, guys.
I guess the kiss of
death was designed
to only work on men.
Whoa.
It seems that a kiss from a
female has caused our robot's
chips to fry.
Leaving her
crashed and confused.
I must kiss you
Prepare to taste wet,
musky justice one more time,
Wet Willies.
Shall we make a
break for it, brother?
Not yet. Let's
see where this goes.
Zeroman? I was
waiting for Les.
He's been acting
really strange lately.
No time for casual
flirting, Sally.
I'm only here to explain
that Les's behavior can
be explained by a way
of me explaining that he was
working for me as stink bait.
Stink bait?
To lure the deadly
droid into the open
so that I me could
thwart the Wet Willies
evil kissy plot against me.
I.
So Les was working for you?
Whole time, Sally.
Now please don't let
your obvious feelings
for me get in the way of you
ever finding true happiness
with oh say, Les,
not me, myself or I
I don't have feelings
for you Zeroman.
Hey look, there's Les.
Sorry. I disappeared
again there Sally.
I'm lactose intolerant,
and it runs in the family.
It was that darn ice cream
or sprinkles or it
was something dairy.
Les you don't have to
make up stories anymore.
Zeroman told me everything.
Zeroman was just
here and I missed him?
Well, I'll be.
And you don't have to worry
about me leaving without
knowing how you feel.
I think I know, and
I'm not leaving.
There just might be a future
for me here after all.
And I promise to stick around
as long as you do, Les.
Horseman's honor, Sally.
This time nothing can tear me
away from my appointed rounds.
Neither rain nor snow or--
Leslie!
Mother!
There he is.
Less is more I guess.
See you around tiger.