Zeroman (2004–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Supersuit and Ty Required - full transcript

No need for alarm,
just transmission fluid,

not my vital juices oozing.

Golly, we thought
you were a goner,

for sure, that time, Zeroman.

Defying death is
what I do, Donny.

We all have to die
sometime, even you.

Think about it, son.

You see, Donny, in
my line of work,

the sneaky spectra of
death is always lingering

over my heroic head.

That's why I endorse this,
The Last Will And Testakit,



iron clad confidence
that your loved ones

will be taken care
of after you're gone.

How much would you pay for
such a Zerrific piece of mind?

Don't answer because The
Last Will And Testakit

is absolutely free
and so easy to use.

Just ask the thousands
of satisfied customers.

The Last Will And Testakit.

Don't be caught
dead without one.

Not
a legally binding will.

The $79 shipping and
handling fee applies.

Bravo!

Is there nothing I can't
do in that suit?

Genetic
thumbprint accepted.

Engaging poop shoot.



Hi-oh!

Ty, did you happen to
catch my commercial

and tape it like I asked?

Did you happen to see the
latest agency alumni newsletter?

There's a blurb about me.

"A promising young agent
who graduated at the top

"of his class and then faded
into absolute obscurity."

Yeah, no, but I'd give my
right cheek for a working pen.

This free will isn't
gonna fill itself out

of its own free will.

Get that?

No crayons, no pencils.

I'd even settle for
a well used nub.

Don't you get it?

I was supposed to do
something with my life

and make a difference
in this world.

But instead I wound up as this,

a full-time pencil finder
for a 65 year old superhero.

64, and not for
three more weeks,

but your point is
well taken, Ty.

We're not getting any younger,

which is why I'm filling out
my Last Will And Testakit.

You see, Ty, at my age
and in my line of work,

the sneaky spectra of
death is always loitering

over my heroic head.

Why, in the last month alone,

I slipped through
deaths hands like, what?

Nine, 12 times?

Ah. Well, done.

I have but one all important
item left to consider.

Ooh!

Darn, I'm sorry. I must
have tuned you out there.

I've trained my mind to
filter out excessive blather.

My most important
possession of all.

The Super Suit?

Yes. Who will inherit it?

Who is man enough to
rise to the challenge

and carry on as Zeroman?

You know the answer
to that question

isn't as tough as it seems.

It isn't? Then why
does my head hurt?

Sometimes the answer
is right in front of you,

staring you in the face
and you don't even know it.

The person who takes over
as Zeroman has to be someone

who has an exclusive
inside knowledge of the job

and all of its crushing responsibilities.

Yes, that's true.

On top of having a near
textbook understanding

of the nerve center and
all of its functions.

Zowns! You are so right!

But the only person
that could ever fit

that lofty description
is someone like you.

Yes.

Well, I hate to toot my
own horn, it hurts my neck.

Nonsense, Ty.

Meet me tomorrow at this
address for a top secret meeting

at which the subject of
who will take my place

as Zeroman will be put to rest.

Long last, I have
something to shoot for!

My life is gonna have meaning
and purpose and a Super Suit!

What? Zeroman auditions,
meeting room five.

Hi Ty!

Oh, hi guys.

I mean, I realize
that at first glance,

one might consider me as
more of a sidekick type,

but I really feel
I'm ready, you know?

And if chosen and allowed
to take in the suit a bit,

that I'd make the zing zang
zerrificest Zeroman ever,

present company
excluded of course.

Yes, yeah. Well, that's fine.

Very good. I like your
energy, Proton Energy Gal.

Pal, but my
friends call me Pep,

you know, for Proton Energy
Pal, and because I'm so peppy

and full of pep all
the time.

Yes. Well, we have
your information.

Someone will be in touch. Bye.

Ty, you're here!

Yeah, hi. What's,
um, going on here?

What are all these unemployed
superheroes doing here?

Getting older faster than a
speeding bullet, that's what.

Easy there, Impatient Guy.
They're auditioning, of course.

I can't hand this suit
over to just anyone,

but I'm
glad you're here.

We have a lot of
back sides to check.

Whoa. Wait a minute.

Let me get this straight.

This is why you asked me here,

to help you find a replacement
for the job that I deserve,

the job that I am
most qualified for?

Sorting my fan mail?

No!

Picking the fruit
out of my yogurt?

No! Your replacement
as Zeroman!

You? No.

Yes! Me, me, me, me!

Oh, Ty, Ty, Ty, Ty.

I could never pass the crown

of Zeroman onto
someone like you.

I'd have to be out of
my mind!

You understand, don't you?

Yes. I'm afraid I
do, you homophobe, you.

Well, that does it, I'm through,

through being Zeroman's
loyal overlooked doormat.

I quit!

You quit? Why, Ty?

It's not that way at
all! I'm not a homophobe.

I don't even own a home, Ty!

Come, come back! Come back, Ty!

Come back!

Looks like someone
needs a new sidekick!

Yes,
we know that already.

God, you're annoying!

Boy, he sure
seemed upset, huh?

The best thing for
him is some time off

or a complete career change.

So like I said,

if you're in need of a
sidekick anytime soon.

Thanks but no, Poop.

I'm sure Ty was just
blowing off a little steam.

He'll be back to his
old self soon enough.

Now, then, back to the all
important task at hand.

All of these brave
candidates seem super enough,

but my replacement
needs to be a real man.

Hello? What have we here?

Castrato? Is there a
Castrato out there?

Zowns, thank you for coming.

I don't believe our
righteous paths have ever

bumped into each other.

So, your powers are
sculpted good looks

and a hypnotic singing voice
capable of emasculating

all who oppose you, hmm?

And you come with your
own pair of quirky

side kicks called The Boys.

Might I see your boys?

Hi, I'm Harry.

I'm Dusty.

We're-

We're
Castrato's boys.

And what an impressive
pair of boys you are.

I have to say this
makes my job a lot easier.

Congratulations, Castrato.

When my time comes,
the job is yours.

Did you hear
that? He picked me!

Oh! Oh, oh!

Oh, thank you, thank you!

It'll be my honor to
carry on and uphold

the masculine image that
is Zeroman!

And that of course is
just one of the things

I might be saying to you
once I have interviewed

all the other applicants.

Thank you for coming.
We'll be in touch.

But you just said-

Well, we'll be in
touch. Thank you.

It's my voice, isn't it?
You hate my voice!

I feel great.

It's the Dawn of a
new day for Ty Cheese.

My days of being overlooked

and being stuck in the
sidelines are over.

Hey, towel boy, another
energy drink over here

and charge them all to that
backstabbing Man Of Zeal.

Zeroman! I hate Zeroman!

Only this morning he
rejected me for the way I am.

You too? Oh,
welcome to the club.

I can't help the way I sound.

If not for that freak atomic
pipe organ cleaning accident

I suffered as a choir boy,

I'd be trying on that
Super Suit right now.

And I sure as
sugar ain't gonna go

altering my
lifestyle just to fit

his idea of what a
Zeroman should be.

He sure didn't mind when
I kept his precious suit

and his secret lair so
neat and clean, did he?

Did he?

Ah! Hey boy!

Another round for me and
my friend here. Chop, chop.

Let's toast to hardworking
no-credit side kicks everywhere.

Zeroman, ha! Who needs him?

We'll form our own dynamic
duo, that's what we'll do!

Yeah. You and me!

A new heroic alliance!

After an intense
round of callbacks,

you finalists represent the best

that superherodom has to offer.

Impatient Guy, Man
Woman, and Gullible Guy,

congratulations men
and, uh, woman, man.

You may remove your blindfold.

Well, it's about damn time!

Wow, this secret layer of
yours is stylin', Zeroman.

And you say you carved it
our with your bare hands?

Correct, Gullible Guy.
Please excuse the mess.

My trusted ally is on
a short personal leave,

but he'll be back, loyal,
trusted ally that he is.

Now, I'll need to test
your heroic responses

in my Heroic Response
Virtual Realitizer.

Patent pending.

Ladies first or should
I call you man, ma'am?

Man, ma'am, I
can go either way.

Now just be yourself and
try to have fun with it.

Okay, here we go.

A building's on fire

and there's a crying
child trapped inside.

Act fast.

Oops. Wrong program.

Darn it! Bear with me,
Ty usually does this.

What's happening?

Where are the flames and the
crying child? I'm confused.

Ah! These flames are real.

Ah, cripes! I'll save her!

No, I'll save her!

No, no, no, no. No
need to impress me.

You're all heroes.
Ooh, ooh, ah, ah, ah!

But where do you think Ty
would keep a fire extinguisher?

Come on now, a Zeroman
replacement should know this.

This looks like a job
for Ty. I need Ty!

Come in. Ty, come in!

It's him again!
It sounds urgent.

Oh, really?

Funny how all of a sudden he
can't get along without me.

Please! Tell
me how to retard flame!

Stop calling me!

God, I am so glad I'm
out of that relationship.

It was so going nowhere.

Not like what we have now.

So, did Zeroman
happen to mention

who his replacement will be?

Oh, I don't know
and I don't care.

So, what should we
call ourselves, the
Swinging Sopranos?

Castrato and Contralto?

I only ask because it
would be such a waste

for such a Super Suit
to land in the hands

of someone
undeserving, don't you?

I guess. Ooh, super shoes!

Because it really
should go to someone

who really knows
how to use it, yes?

And being Zeroman's former ally,

one who knows where the suit
is kept when not in use,

it would be a simple matter
for you to acquire it,

would it not?

Well, sure, but I
can't just take it.

How wrong is that? Besides,
who needs his suit?

I've got ideas for a whole
new wardrobe. You likey?

No, I don't like!
I don't like at all!

It's been my dream to one day

become the Fair City's
resident Superhero,

and you, my naive young friend,

are going to help me get there.

Boys!

I should have known! You're
wasting your time, Castrato!

I'll never betray
Zeroman! Never!

Genetic
thumbprint accepted.

Engaging poop shoot.

Ty? Ty?

Yo, Ty?

Zowns, this isn't my Super Suit,

it's my birthday
suit,

and boy does it need ironing?

Computer, Ty isn't back yet
and I can't find my good suit.

But be a dear and hail him

on the two-way Ty
Spy Cam, please.

Ty, hi, hi, hi. Ty, hi.

You are not mad at
me anymore are you?

I'll take that as a yes.

Now, be a sport and come back
to work. I'm Newton cold.

Oh, how the
mighty have fallen,

now that the Super Suit
is on the other foot.

Hey, Castrato, small world.

You have a suit just like mine

and your voice isn't so funny.

That's because
it's yours, stupid.

And now the Super Suit
and all of its restorative

alien properties
are mine, all mine.

So, just try and take it back.

Come to the condemned
opera house if you dare.

Great flaming holes!

Castrato has lost his
marbles and stolen my suit,

and he's become a
bad influence on Ty.

Out, out and away!

Oh, right. No suit.

I have to say, I
love my new suit. Don't you?

And with the power it provides,

I can make the whole world
bend to my hypnotic will.

Just listen to
this voice of mine.

Ow, our freaking ears!

And I have you to
thank for it, Ty,

but now that your
usefulness is run out,

it's time for me
to go solo again.

Sorry, but this is the
final curtain for you,

my naive young
friend.

Isn't this just the way?

I've got an important meeting
to attend and nothing to wear.

Darn that thieving Castrato.
He won't get away with it.

Now I must rush to
my partner's aide

for he's the best
friend and life man,

a man's man could
ever have.

What? Oh, sorry,
was that out loud?

Tell me my loyal
hangers-on, in all of opera,

what is the most
difficult note to hit?

That's easy boss, the high C.

It's darn near impossible.

The high C, yes. Impossible,
no, thanks to my new suit.

You will have front row seats

as I shatter his
skull.

Show's over, Castrato.
I'm shutting you down.

I give this knockoff Broadway
production two big thumbs down

and a big toe aimed squarely
at you and your boys.

Hi, Ty.

Hello?

Bravo, Zeroman,
and how brave of you to ride

into town to save this
lacky, knowing full well

that the Super Suit
can't help you anymore.

Ty isn't my lacky,
Castrato, or my sidekick,

or my boy, he's my best friend.

And now that you've
mentioned it,

I really should have
thought this through.

Okay, I asked for that
but for Ty's sake,

I won't let your voice
rip me off my feet again.

Can't hear you.

Not listening to you.

That's it. Stop.

I can't stand it.

Oh, they have,

they have corkscrews
driven into my ears.

Looks like the
show is over indeed.

Sorry to upstage you, partner.

Huh? What the, but how?

My powerful voice
should've emasculated you.

You're forgetting one thing,

that I work for
Zeroman, Castrato,

and if I could tune out
his brain numbing sounds,

I could tune anyone out.

It's true.

You should see him glaze over
when I talk about my day.

Boys, stop him!

Ooh!

Zowns, Go Ty.

Go. Hold him off, lad.

I'll be there in a minute.
I think I stepped in gum.

Bring it on, boys!

Prepare to
take your final bow.

Head's up people!

Help.

He's down!

Zerrific. Nice word, Ty.

Well I couldn't have done it
without you partner or this,

the real Super Suit.

The one I gave Castrato
was just a useless forgery

that I whipped up for
just such an emergency.

Zerrific.

But if it was useless,

how come it made him so
manly and deeper voiced?

I rubbed the fake
suit's vital areas

with the liberal concoction
of vitamin E and manish fly.

What do you say
to that, Castrato?

Boys, boys!

There's nothing like ending
on a high note, I always say.

Thanks to Ty the
Castrato crisis is over.

Years of zen-like practice
of tuning me out allowed Ty

to deflect the hypnotic
power of Castrato's voice.

And after concealing
the real Super Suit

beneath his street clothes,

Ty simply faked being under
his influence until I arrived.

What are you doing?

Was that out loud again?
I've gotta stop doing that.

It's creepy.

Yeah, well, that's
nothing compared

to how I behaved and I'm sorry.

I thought you didn't wanna
give me the job as Zeroman

because of who I am, because
you thought I was, you know.

Oh, Ty, Ty, Ty.

I think you and I both know
why you could never be Zeroman.

No, I really don't.

Isn't it obvious Ty?

You are the foundation
of everything we built,

the bedrock upon
which Zeroman stands.

There can't be a me without you.

I'm zero without you, man.

Yes, yes, that's
okay. There you go.

We'll figure out who gets to
be Zeroman some other day,

but one thing still puzzled me.

If you were wearing the real
Super Suit the whole time,

why didn't you just
stop Castrato yourself?

Isn't it obvious?

There's only one Zeroman
in town and that's you.

Oh, come on there.
Don't cry, now.

You're a hero for
goodness sakes. Now, blow.

Looks like my work is done here.