Zeroman (2004–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Hamsassin - full transcript
Oh.
Ooh yeah.
Oh baby.
Ooh, look at the headlights one.
Cherry, gee she's hot.
I'll bet she really- oh yeah.
Yes sir, Leslie,
you can ride her.
Now the cows come home, boy.
Leslie!
Mother, you're home early.
What's that you're hiding?
Don't tell me you're looking at
those dirty farm
magazines again.
Yes, mother. I am.
Because I'll never
give up on my dream
to one day buy that little
hobby farm, in the country.
Won't we, Freddy?
That's right, Les.
And what's that?
You know, I have a
strict no pets rule,
not even stuffed ones!
It's just Freddy, Mommy.
The closest thing
I've had to a pet
since you baked my turtle
into the cake on
my sixth birthday.
The war was over.
Our boys were coming
home, I had a few drinks.
It was an accident.
It's okay, mother.
Thanks to self-discipline
and hours of shock therapy,
I'm over Zippy.
And the need to have a pet.
Good.
Because unless they've
been carefully prepared
and rolled in flour, there'll
be no animals in this house.
Don't you worry, mother,
I don't need a pet.
Why would I need a pet
when Sammy the Hamster
gives me all the love I need?
That, dear friends,
was Sammy Hamster.
Everyone's favorite
furry friend.
But tonight, Sammy is missing
and presume rat napped!
True to form,
Fair City police are baffled.
And as of yet, no ransom!
Demands have been made to
the producers of the show.
Who can only wait and hope
that their Sammy comes home.
Rusty, I gotta tell ya,
where's the honor in this?
Puttin' the grab on a gerbil.
Actually Don,
he's a hamster.
And very famous.
This little fella should
net you handsome ransom.
Ransom?
Who needs a ransom?
I'm already rich.
No, boys.
This time I have
something far more bold
and cutting edge in mind.
This little fella is going
to be the death of Zeroman.
No Hampshire's
gonna whack Zeroman.
And...
...Action!
Uh-oh- Ah!
Well, look at
that little guy go.
I take it all back!
That's give 'em the
ol' how do ya do!
As you can see, Don,
my hanssassin has
been trained to kill
at the mere mention of
the secret codeword.
The stage is now set for my
greatest performance ever.
One that will cement
my criminal celebrity,
as the man who eliminated
the mighty man of zeal,
on national TV.
He-he-he-he-he.
Hey I-I like to
be a team player,
but for the love of God,
is there any way to
stop this demonstration?
Ooh!
Stop!
Make it stop!
And...
...Cut!
Oh. Ooh.
Would you look at that.
So, you can shut 'em
off just by sayin' cut?
Uh-huh.
And you can set 'em off
by sayin', what again?
Oh.
Oh, I
believe it was, action.
Aah! No!
Beauty.
Ooh!
A package.
For Zeroman, from an
a-non-ya-ma-hoos fan.
Why, it's just-
just like Christmas.
Only with presents.
Cheddar cheesus!
Ooh, it's what
I've always wanted.
Les, what's wrong?
I was reading when
your bio level spiked.
Pulse and blood pressure
rising, what's happening?
Are you alright?
I've never been better, Ty.
One of my devoted fans
sent me a present.
It's my very own hamster.
Les, what have
I told you about
opening anonymous
gifts of vermin?
You don't know
where they've been.
Now, put it down
and don't touch it
until it's been
checked for explosives.
And wet tail.
Well, hang standard
procedure, Ty.
Can't you see this little
fella's starved for attention?
Who knows how long
he's been on that box?
Yes siree, I'm getting
me some squirmin' vermin,
fuzzy-wuzzy love
action, right now.
What was that?
I- Oh!
I think he's having a bad dream.
Ooh, ah.
Ah-aah!
Yikes! What's wrong with it?
I dunno?
Maybe he's not used to the
touch of a gentle hand,
or a kind word,
or baby talk.
Cheddar Cheesus, what
are they feeding you?!
Ooh wow- oh!
Stop killing me!
Aah!
Les, what's happening?
Are you alright?
Les?!
Les!
Come in, Les!
Les!
Come in!
Oh, whoa.
Les, oh! You're alive!
Yes. Yeah, still alive.
But in severe pain. Ow-ooh!
Thank Goodness!
About you being alive, I mean,
not about you being in pain.
So, what happened
to the hamster?
Well, I'm no expert,
but clearly he's suffering
from issues of abandonment
or was tormented by a middle
child and is lashing out?
No, I mean, how
did you subdue it?
Oh, I just slapped a
really tiny sleeper on it.
He should be out for hours or
at least 'til I get him home.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.
You're bringing that here?
It's clearly psychotic.
If it wasn't for the super
suit under your uniform,
it would've been curtains.
Nonsense, Ty.
My uniform would make
terrible curtains.
Especially in the
state it's in now.
I mean, you could
have been killed.
By the hamster.
It's a euphemism.
I don't care what
country he comes from, Ty.
All I know is that
he's sick and mixed up
and needs our help.
And dammit, we're
gonna give it to 'em.
Fine. Fine.
But if you won't listen to
me, what about your mother?
What's she gonna say
When you bring that home?
Uh, I-I'm sorry.
You're-you're breaking up.
Can't hear you.
Doesn't she have
a no pets rule, Les?
Huh? Doesn't she?
Eh- Nope.
I-I can't hear you.
La-la-la.
Signing off now.
Hello and welcome
dear voters, to this-
Freeze, mister!
Ah!
Mother.
It's the yawning
lotus position.
Yoga improves my flexibility.
I-I can see that.
What's that
you're hiding there?
Oh, nothing.
Just bulge, cripply
natural bulge.
Nothing to see.
I-I'll be in the
bathroom for a while.
Not on my watch.
Come back here!
Can't an active man
have a little privacy?
Not until I see what's
causing that suspicious bulge.
Never.
Never-never.
Ah!
You rat, it's a rat!
I said no pets in this house.
What part of backing your turtle
into the birthday cake
don't you get, boy!
He's not a rat, he's a stray!
And he's alone and
deeply disturbed!
And I'm keeping him!
Kids. Now that I think of it,
I've seen that stupid buck
toothed expression before.
In breaking news,
the producers of the
Sammy Hamster Happy Hour,
categorically deny rumors
that a teamster sat on
the beloved entertainer.
And so they have offered
a $50,000 reward.
All we can do now is pray.
50,000? For one lousy hamster?
Maybe my son isn't as stupid
as the child expert thought.
Genetic
bone print accepted.
Engaging Poop Shoot.
So, where is it?
Oh, would you look at that?
The Poop Shoot gave him
his own little suit.
Isn't that cute?
All right. It is kinda cute.
But I think you're missing
the big picture here.
Sammy The Hamster
has disappeared.
My beloved Sammy,
friends to you and me?
No, can't be. How
did this happen?
Did the cat get him?
No, he's fine.
I know because he's Sammy!
No, he's Bucky.
I know because I named him.
Didn't I, Bucky?
Didn't dadums name you?
Yes. Yes. He sure did.
Look, think about it.
Sammy goes missing,
then a hamster, who
looks just like him,
mysteriously shows
up in Zeroman's care.
It's obvious!
Yes. But to the
untrained eye, Ty,
all hamsters look
alike. Like babies.
Look, I know how
much you love animals.
But he doesn't belong to you.
And you have to give him back.
Great flaming holes.
Would you look at that,
we've got trouble.
I'd love to say him
debate this further, Ty,
but I'm Zeroman and that
is the call to action.
Don't give me that.
You know exactly
what you're doing.
But you have to face
it sooner or later.
So just stop acting like
such a baby and cut the crap!
I'm still not
listening to you.
And you are the baby.
Me, the man of action.
Cut it out!
Man of action.
Cut it out!
No Bucky, you stay
here with a women folk.
The thick of action
is no place for you.
Ah, ooh.
Sweet holy sucking
fit. He's going psycho!
But why?
Did I step on his tail?
Was it something I said?
Yes. Yes, you're right.
There's a definite verbal
gerbil pattern here.
Uh. Verbal gerbil.
He's right for the
face, cut to the chase.
There! You see?
Something's triggering
these murderous rages.
I blame his diet then.
I'm not opposed to
taking legal action
against the hamster food people.
I- ooh, ow.
Call my lawyer!
No no. Z-man, you've done it!
Action, must be the word
that triggers his outbursts.
Ow. Ooh. Terrific!
Any thoughts on what
might cut them off?
You just said the magic word!
What? Action?
No, cut! Cut!
Here, I'll write
them down for you.
Try not to get ink in
the gashes, I hate that.
Hello?
Is anybody going to
answer those flaming O's?
Sorry, Mayor.
We were having trouble
with our hamster.
He's being, uh, uncooperative.
Ahem. Yes, I heard
they can be that way.
Ahem. Anywho, it seems
Rusty's at it again.
This time he's
threatening to blow up
the big bronze
statue of Zeroman.
Erected in Fair City Square.
Oh, and the
unveiling is tomorrow.
Along with the presentation
of the key to the city.
Only I can prevent the fall
of my own bronze erection.
Out, out, and away!
Ow! Oh god, my eyes!
Sammy?
Oh, Sammy?
Moron!
Hey, moron!
Bravo!
What a classic entrance!
And right on queue too.
In this scene, our Zero-hero
is about to suffer
a public demise.
And I'm going to own the
exclusive film and video rights.
They laugh at me
in the actor lab!
they at me in villas anonymous!
Now I'm laughing!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
I'm laughing ha-ha-ha!
Must've been a lot
funnier back then.
What's this statue ever
been to you, Rusty?
Besides completely
overshadowing your own statue.
You fool! It's not
the statue I want,
it's your death on
film for all to see!
All right. Play
time's over, Rusty.
Now, back away from...
...that thing, that will
make the statue go boom.
No chance Zero-hero.
And, is that a
hamster in your pants?
Or are you just
glad to short me?
I thought of that myself.
Excuse me a moment, will you?
Ahem, no.
No-Uhuh, no, no.
Why, you little rascal.
Ha, he hates it when I
go anywhere without him.
And I should know,
because I trained him never
to let you out of his sight.
After kidnapping
Sammy, earlier this week.
Look, you're
really not helping.
You are such a buzz kill.
Well then, you
really are Sammy.
You've been living
a lie all this time.
Oh no, no!
Say it's not true! No, Bucky!
Bucky!
All right, we're rolling!
Zeroman's big public
demise, Take one!
Timber!
Whoa, beauty save
by number zero.
And we're
getting it all film.
Must hold it,
keep my bum from
making a big boom-boom.
And...
...Action!
Beautiful.
I love my life. I really do!
No, Sammy. Down, boy.
You don't really wanna chew
on my do ya?
No, no. It's me, your friend.
Your friend!
Ah, ah! Woo!
Oh yeah! Ooh yeah!
Talk about your classic
moments in cinema.
Are we getting
this? Keep rolling.
Ah! Oh-ow!
Can't hold you both
off much longer.
Must say super secret
magic codeword.
The codeword is
coo-coo-coo-coo-c-kumbaya,
my lord.
Ah!
This looks like a job for Ty.
I need Ty.
Come in! Ty! Over!
What is it? I'm working here.
And did you know
that Sammy's missing?
Yes. I-I I'm aware.
Apparently it's
all over the news.
He's right here.
Who? Rusty?
No! Sammy, and Rusty,
and those two other guys.
Why didn't you say?!
Say the codeword.
Say the codeword!
I would,
but I'm having a little
trouble reading my handwriting.
By that I mean, what's written
here on my hand, in writing.
It's cut!
The codeword is cut!
Come on! Get on with it!
We're running out of film, here.
Yeah, Sammy cut the
comedy and just go for it!
Ah!
Nice going,
genius. You said cut.
Action!
I did not say cut...
...did I?
Action! Action!
I said action!
I mean, I think
I'd know I said cut.
No, don't stop! Go!
Action!
I'm the guy who says action,
I'm action guy!
Action!
Aaaah-tion!
Cut! Cut!
Stamp it, no take backs.
Ooh. No fair!
Out, out, and away!
Oh, this is just perfect.
He's getting away!
That lucky son of a-
Zeroman, where are you?
Zeroman, come in.
Come in, Zeroman.
Zeroman, here. Villain's
vanquished, crisis averted.
I'm returning to base
with, with-with...
...Sammy.
Over and out.
I hate that man.
Ah,
puck-head's not so bad,
once you get used to him.
Not Ron, Don.
I'm talking about Zeroman.
Now we have to figure
out another public
place that we know,
that he's gonna go to,
in order to carry out my
plan to kill him on film.
Are you boys
about finished here?
I need to start settin' up
for the big ceremony tomorrow.
They'd givin' Zeroman
the key to the city.
They are?
Well that's what very public
event I wouldn't wanna miss.
Maybe I'll even bring my camera.
Well, I just got off the
phone with Mayor MacWald.
Everybody is thrilled
that Sammy's okay.
And his producers think
that ceremony tomorrow
would be a great place to
announce a safe return.
Figures, stupid publicity,
grabbing stupid heads.
All they care about are
headlines, not Sammy.
You're doing
the right thing, you know.
Sammy doesn't belong to
you. He has to go home.
I know, Ty. You're right.
Mm, Ty's always right.
And, it's better to have
loved to pet and lost it,
than to never have loved
to pet at all, I guess.
Yeah, sure.
Whatever.
Where are you going?
I'm going to say goodbye
and spend out last
night together.
Good morning, Leslie.
Time to rise and shine
and face the music,
you sick numster nupper, you.
It's going to be all right, son.
These men are here to help
you get the help you need!
And 50 grand will really help.
Ah!
Hello and welcome,
dear voters, to this,
a special presentation
to Zeroman,
for all he's done in
our beloved Fair City.
The latest being
the safe recovery
of our favorite star, Sammy.
Nuts. Get your hot nuts!
Big warm, salty nuts,
nuts in a bag here.
Get 'em all or hot and salty.
We're too far away, ain't we?
How's Sammy going to
hear ya shout action?
Not to worry, Don.
Thanks to the micro food
pellet bomb I fed to Sammy,
in anticipation of
just such a moment,
I won't have to shout
action to set him off.
The bomb is triggered to
go off at the me mention
of the codeword, key.
Boy, that's convenient.
This being a key to
the city ceremony.
I'm here, Todd MacWald,
present you, Zeroman, with this.
Say it...
...Say it.
A token
of our appreciation.
This symbol of our thanks.
This, shiny opener,
to our city's heart.
Say it!
Boy, you wouldn't think
we'd have to wait so long
to hear someone say key at
a key to the city ceremony,
would ya?
This
wonderfully crafted
and molded shiny, metal thing.
Thank you, Mayor. Even though
justice is my only reward,
I accept this golden,
uh, door device
and we'll probably
carry it with the,
the other pieces of toothy
metal that I start my car with.
That's it! It's over!
Nothing ever works out for me.
And I want you all to
know that it's Sammy here,
and the horrific
citizens of our fair city
that hold the key to my heart.
Hello! We have ignition.
What has Rusty
feeding that thing?
Ty, are
you seeing this?
Sammy Doesn't look so good.
Holy crap! It's his stomach!
Sammy's gonna explode!
He's a tiny, cuddly bomb!
A bomb?!
Quick, Ty.
How will we stop it?
The heimlich maneuver?
Mouth to mouth?
There's no time to
be kissing hamsters!
You've gotta get rid of him!
You mean?
Throw him away!
Heave the hamster, right now!
Okay. Goodbye, my pet.
My goodbye.
Forgive me! Aah!
Uh-oh.
Boy, who coulda
seen this coming?
No!
I'm sorry, Sammy.
I couldn't save you.
It was all my fault.
Oh, good night, sweet
bro, wherever you are.
Sammy!
You're alive!
The tiny bomb inside
you didn't blow you up!
Did it, sweet Sammy?
Oh, did that big, bad
bomb not go off? Oh.
Well, I'll be.
Little fella musta pooped
it out before it went off.
And you thought
it was a dirty habit.
This is incredible.
What publicity!
Just think of the
numbers this'll bring.
How could we thank in Zeroman?
We'll give you
points, royalties, a
piece of the action.
Just name it and it's yours.
Actually,
this will do nicely.
Ooh yeah.
Oh baby.
Ooh, look at the headlights one.
Cherry, gee she's hot.
I'll bet she really- oh yeah.
Yes sir, Leslie,
you can ride her.
Now the cows come home, boy.
Leslie!
Mother, you're home early.
What's that you're hiding?
Don't tell me you're looking at
those dirty farm
magazines again.
Yes, mother. I am.
Because I'll never
give up on my dream
to one day buy that little
hobby farm, in the country.
Won't we, Freddy?
That's right, Les.
And what's that?
You know, I have a
strict no pets rule,
not even stuffed ones!
It's just Freddy, Mommy.
The closest thing
I've had to a pet
since you baked my turtle
into the cake on
my sixth birthday.
The war was over.
Our boys were coming
home, I had a few drinks.
It was an accident.
It's okay, mother.
Thanks to self-discipline
and hours of shock therapy,
I'm over Zippy.
And the need to have a pet.
Good.
Because unless they've
been carefully prepared
and rolled in flour, there'll
be no animals in this house.
Don't you worry, mother,
I don't need a pet.
Why would I need a pet
when Sammy the Hamster
gives me all the love I need?
That, dear friends,
was Sammy Hamster.
Everyone's favorite
furry friend.
But tonight, Sammy is missing
and presume rat napped!
True to form,
Fair City police are baffled.
And as of yet, no ransom!
Demands have been made to
the producers of the show.
Who can only wait and hope
that their Sammy comes home.
Rusty, I gotta tell ya,
where's the honor in this?
Puttin' the grab on a gerbil.
Actually Don,
he's a hamster.
And very famous.
This little fella should
net you handsome ransom.
Ransom?
Who needs a ransom?
I'm already rich.
No, boys.
This time I have
something far more bold
and cutting edge in mind.
This little fella is going
to be the death of Zeroman.
No Hampshire's
gonna whack Zeroman.
And...
...Action!
Uh-oh- Ah!
Well, look at
that little guy go.
I take it all back!
That's give 'em the
ol' how do ya do!
As you can see, Don,
my hanssassin has
been trained to kill
at the mere mention of
the secret codeword.
The stage is now set for my
greatest performance ever.
One that will cement
my criminal celebrity,
as the man who eliminated
the mighty man of zeal,
on national TV.
He-he-he-he-he.
Hey I-I like to
be a team player,
but for the love of God,
is there any way to
stop this demonstration?
Ooh!
Stop!
Make it stop!
And...
...Cut!
Oh. Ooh.
Would you look at that.
So, you can shut 'em
off just by sayin' cut?
Uh-huh.
And you can set 'em off
by sayin', what again?
Oh.
Oh, I
believe it was, action.
Aah! No!
Beauty.
Ooh!
A package.
For Zeroman, from an
a-non-ya-ma-hoos fan.
Why, it's just-
just like Christmas.
Only with presents.
Cheddar cheesus!
Ooh, it's what
I've always wanted.
Les, what's wrong?
I was reading when
your bio level spiked.
Pulse and blood pressure
rising, what's happening?
Are you alright?
I've never been better, Ty.
One of my devoted fans
sent me a present.
It's my very own hamster.
Les, what have
I told you about
opening anonymous
gifts of vermin?
You don't know
where they've been.
Now, put it down
and don't touch it
until it's been
checked for explosives.
And wet tail.
Well, hang standard
procedure, Ty.
Can't you see this little
fella's starved for attention?
Who knows how long
he's been on that box?
Yes siree, I'm getting
me some squirmin' vermin,
fuzzy-wuzzy love
action, right now.
What was that?
I- Oh!
I think he's having a bad dream.
Ooh, ah.
Ah-aah!
Yikes! What's wrong with it?
I dunno?
Maybe he's not used to the
touch of a gentle hand,
or a kind word,
or baby talk.
Cheddar Cheesus, what
are they feeding you?!
Ooh wow- oh!
Stop killing me!
Aah!
Les, what's happening?
Are you alright?
Les?!
Les!
Come in, Les!
Les!
Come in!
Oh, whoa.
Les, oh! You're alive!
Yes. Yeah, still alive.
But in severe pain. Ow-ooh!
Thank Goodness!
About you being alive, I mean,
not about you being in pain.
So, what happened
to the hamster?
Well, I'm no expert,
but clearly he's suffering
from issues of abandonment
or was tormented by a middle
child and is lashing out?
No, I mean, how
did you subdue it?
Oh, I just slapped a
really tiny sleeper on it.
He should be out for hours or
at least 'til I get him home.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.
You're bringing that here?
It's clearly psychotic.
If it wasn't for the super
suit under your uniform,
it would've been curtains.
Nonsense, Ty.
My uniform would make
terrible curtains.
Especially in the
state it's in now.
I mean, you could
have been killed.
By the hamster.
It's a euphemism.
I don't care what
country he comes from, Ty.
All I know is that
he's sick and mixed up
and needs our help.
And dammit, we're
gonna give it to 'em.
Fine. Fine.
But if you won't listen to
me, what about your mother?
What's she gonna say
When you bring that home?
Uh, I-I'm sorry.
You're-you're breaking up.
Can't hear you.
Doesn't she have
a no pets rule, Les?
Huh? Doesn't she?
Eh- Nope.
I-I can't hear you.
La-la-la.
Signing off now.
Hello and welcome
dear voters, to this-
Freeze, mister!
Ah!
Mother.
It's the yawning
lotus position.
Yoga improves my flexibility.
I-I can see that.
What's that
you're hiding there?
Oh, nothing.
Just bulge, cripply
natural bulge.
Nothing to see.
I-I'll be in the
bathroom for a while.
Not on my watch.
Come back here!
Can't an active man
have a little privacy?
Not until I see what's
causing that suspicious bulge.
Never.
Never-never.
Ah!
You rat, it's a rat!
I said no pets in this house.
What part of backing your turtle
into the birthday cake
don't you get, boy!
He's not a rat, he's a stray!
And he's alone and
deeply disturbed!
And I'm keeping him!
Kids. Now that I think of it,
I've seen that stupid buck
toothed expression before.
In breaking news,
the producers of the
Sammy Hamster Happy Hour,
categorically deny rumors
that a teamster sat on
the beloved entertainer.
And so they have offered
a $50,000 reward.
All we can do now is pray.
50,000? For one lousy hamster?
Maybe my son isn't as stupid
as the child expert thought.
Genetic
bone print accepted.
Engaging Poop Shoot.
So, where is it?
Oh, would you look at that?
The Poop Shoot gave him
his own little suit.
Isn't that cute?
All right. It is kinda cute.
But I think you're missing
the big picture here.
Sammy The Hamster
has disappeared.
My beloved Sammy,
friends to you and me?
No, can't be. How
did this happen?
Did the cat get him?
No, he's fine.
I know because he's Sammy!
No, he's Bucky.
I know because I named him.
Didn't I, Bucky?
Didn't dadums name you?
Yes. Yes. He sure did.
Look, think about it.
Sammy goes missing,
then a hamster, who
looks just like him,
mysteriously shows
up in Zeroman's care.
It's obvious!
Yes. But to the
untrained eye, Ty,
all hamsters look
alike. Like babies.
Look, I know how
much you love animals.
But he doesn't belong to you.
And you have to give him back.
Great flaming holes.
Would you look at that,
we've got trouble.
I'd love to say him
debate this further, Ty,
but I'm Zeroman and that
is the call to action.
Don't give me that.
You know exactly
what you're doing.
But you have to face
it sooner or later.
So just stop acting like
such a baby and cut the crap!
I'm still not
listening to you.
And you are the baby.
Me, the man of action.
Cut it out!
Man of action.
Cut it out!
No Bucky, you stay
here with a women folk.
The thick of action
is no place for you.
Ah, ooh.
Sweet holy sucking
fit. He's going psycho!
But why?
Did I step on his tail?
Was it something I said?
Yes. Yes, you're right.
There's a definite verbal
gerbil pattern here.
Uh. Verbal gerbil.
He's right for the
face, cut to the chase.
There! You see?
Something's triggering
these murderous rages.
I blame his diet then.
I'm not opposed to
taking legal action
against the hamster food people.
I- ooh, ow.
Call my lawyer!
No no. Z-man, you've done it!
Action, must be the word
that triggers his outbursts.
Ow. Ooh. Terrific!
Any thoughts on what
might cut them off?
You just said the magic word!
What? Action?
No, cut! Cut!
Here, I'll write
them down for you.
Try not to get ink in
the gashes, I hate that.
Hello?
Is anybody going to
answer those flaming O's?
Sorry, Mayor.
We were having trouble
with our hamster.
He's being, uh, uncooperative.
Ahem. Yes, I heard
they can be that way.
Ahem. Anywho, it seems
Rusty's at it again.
This time he's
threatening to blow up
the big bronze
statue of Zeroman.
Erected in Fair City Square.
Oh, and the
unveiling is tomorrow.
Along with the presentation
of the key to the city.
Only I can prevent the fall
of my own bronze erection.
Out, out, and away!
Ow! Oh god, my eyes!
Sammy?
Oh, Sammy?
Moron!
Hey, moron!
Bravo!
What a classic entrance!
And right on queue too.
In this scene, our Zero-hero
is about to suffer
a public demise.
And I'm going to own the
exclusive film and video rights.
They laugh at me
in the actor lab!
they at me in villas anonymous!
Now I'm laughing!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
I'm laughing ha-ha-ha!
Must've been a lot
funnier back then.
What's this statue ever
been to you, Rusty?
Besides completely
overshadowing your own statue.
You fool! It's not
the statue I want,
it's your death on
film for all to see!
All right. Play
time's over, Rusty.
Now, back away from...
...that thing, that will
make the statue go boom.
No chance Zero-hero.
And, is that a
hamster in your pants?
Or are you just
glad to short me?
I thought of that myself.
Excuse me a moment, will you?
Ahem, no.
No-Uhuh, no, no.
Why, you little rascal.
Ha, he hates it when I
go anywhere without him.
And I should know,
because I trained him never
to let you out of his sight.
After kidnapping
Sammy, earlier this week.
Look, you're
really not helping.
You are such a buzz kill.
Well then, you
really are Sammy.
You've been living
a lie all this time.
Oh no, no!
Say it's not true! No, Bucky!
Bucky!
All right, we're rolling!
Zeroman's big public
demise, Take one!
Timber!
Whoa, beauty save
by number zero.
And we're
getting it all film.
Must hold it,
keep my bum from
making a big boom-boom.
And...
...Action!
Beautiful.
I love my life. I really do!
No, Sammy. Down, boy.
You don't really wanna chew
on my do ya?
No, no. It's me, your friend.
Your friend!
Ah, ah! Woo!
Oh yeah! Ooh yeah!
Talk about your classic
moments in cinema.
Are we getting
this? Keep rolling.
Ah! Oh-ow!
Can't hold you both
off much longer.
Must say super secret
magic codeword.
The codeword is
coo-coo-coo-coo-c-kumbaya,
my lord.
Ah!
This looks like a job for Ty.
I need Ty.
Come in! Ty! Over!
What is it? I'm working here.
And did you know
that Sammy's missing?
Yes. I-I I'm aware.
Apparently it's
all over the news.
He's right here.
Who? Rusty?
No! Sammy, and Rusty,
and those two other guys.
Why didn't you say?!
Say the codeword.
Say the codeword!
I would,
but I'm having a little
trouble reading my handwriting.
By that I mean, what's written
here on my hand, in writing.
It's cut!
The codeword is cut!
Come on! Get on with it!
We're running out of film, here.
Yeah, Sammy cut the
comedy and just go for it!
Ah!
Nice going,
genius. You said cut.
Action!
I did not say cut...
...did I?
Action! Action!
I said action!
I mean, I think
I'd know I said cut.
No, don't stop! Go!
Action!
I'm the guy who says action,
I'm action guy!
Action!
Aaaah-tion!
Cut! Cut!
Stamp it, no take backs.
Ooh. No fair!
Out, out, and away!
Oh, this is just perfect.
He's getting away!
That lucky son of a-
Zeroman, where are you?
Zeroman, come in.
Come in, Zeroman.
Zeroman, here. Villain's
vanquished, crisis averted.
I'm returning to base
with, with-with...
...Sammy.
Over and out.
I hate that man.
Ah,
puck-head's not so bad,
once you get used to him.
Not Ron, Don.
I'm talking about Zeroman.
Now we have to figure
out another public
place that we know,
that he's gonna go to,
in order to carry out my
plan to kill him on film.
Are you boys
about finished here?
I need to start settin' up
for the big ceremony tomorrow.
They'd givin' Zeroman
the key to the city.
They are?
Well that's what very public
event I wouldn't wanna miss.
Maybe I'll even bring my camera.
Well, I just got off the
phone with Mayor MacWald.
Everybody is thrilled
that Sammy's okay.
And his producers think
that ceremony tomorrow
would be a great place to
announce a safe return.
Figures, stupid publicity,
grabbing stupid heads.
All they care about are
headlines, not Sammy.
You're doing
the right thing, you know.
Sammy doesn't belong to
you. He has to go home.
I know, Ty. You're right.
Mm, Ty's always right.
And, it's better to have
loved to pet and lost it,
than to never have loved
to pet at all, I guess.
Yeah, sure.
Whatever.
Where are you going?
I'm going to say goodbye
and spend out last
night together.
Good morning, Leslie.
Time to rise and shine
and face the music,
you sick numster nupper, you.
It's going to be all right, son.
These men are here to help
you get the help you need!
And 50 grand will really help.
Ah!
Hello and welcome,
dear voters, to this,
a special presentation
to Zeroman,
for all he's done in
our beloved Fair City.
The latest being
the safe recovery
of our favorite star, Sammy.
Nuts. Get your hot nuts!
Big warm, salty nuts,
nuts in a bag here.
Get 'em all or hot and salty.
We're too far away, ain't we?
How's Sammy going to
hear ya shout action?
Not to worry, Don.
Thanks to the micro food
pellet bomb I fed to Sammy,
in anticipation of
just such a moment,
I won't have to shout
action to set him off.
The bomb is triggered to
go off at the me mention
of the codeword, key.
Boy, that's convenient.
This being a key to
the city ceremony.
I'm here, Todd MacWald,
present you, Zeroman, with this.
Say it...
...Say it.
A token
of our appreciation.
This symbol of our thanks.
This, shiny opener,
to our city's heart.
Say it!
Boy, you wouldn't think
we'd have to wait so long
to hear someone say key at
a key to the city ceremony,
would ya?
This
wonderfully crafted
and molded shiny, metal thing.
Thank you, Mayor. Even though
justice is my only reward,
I accept this golden,
uh, door device
and we'll probably
carry it with the,
the other pieces of toothy
metal that I start my car with.
That's it! It's over!
Nothing ever works out for me.
And I want you all to
know that it's Sammy here,
and the horrific
citizens of our fair city
that hold the key to my heart.
Hello! We have ignition.
What has Rusty
feeding that thing?
Ty, are
you seeing this?
Sammy Doesn't look so good.
Holy crap! It's his stomach!
Sammy's gonna explode!
He's a tiny, cuddly bomb!
A bomb?!
Quick, Ty.
How will we stop it?
The heimlich maneuver?
Mouth to mouth?
There's no time to
be kissing hamsters!
You've gotta get rid of him!
You mean?
Throw him away!
Heave the hamster, right now!
Okay. Goodbye, my pet.
My goodbye.
Forgive me! Aah!
Uh-oh.
Boy, who coulda
seen this coming?
No!
I'm sorry, Sammy.
I couldn't save you.
It was all my fault.
Oh, good night, sweet
bro, wherever you are.
Sammy!
You're alive!
The tiny bomb inside
you didn't blow you up!
Did it, sweet Sammy?
Oh, did that big, bad
bomb not go off? Oh.
Well, I'll be.
Little fella musta pooped
it out before it went off.
And you thought
it was a dirty habit.
This is incredible.
What publicity!
Just think of the
numbers this'll bring.
How could we thank in Zeroman?
We'll give you
points, royalties, a
piece of the action.
Just name it and it's yours.
Actually,
this will do nicely.