Zeroman (2004–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Smotherly Love - full transcript
Wesley!
Ah, oh, ow!
Good morning, mother!
Beautiful day, isn't it?
Nevermind that crap.
What's all the racket out here?
I'm a man, mother.
And like most men, I thrive
on vigorous physical activity
in the great outdoors.
Makes me feel masculine.
And the house dress?
It wicks away
the perspiration!
You iron your mail bag?
Oh yes.
Nothing worse than a
wrinkled bag, Mother.
Ugh, talk about anal.
You can if you want to,
but that kind of talk
is all Greek to me.
I prefer to refer to
that particular area as--
great flaming hole!
It's the Zero-Signal!
That means Zeroman could
be flying over any minute.
How do I look? Are
my teeth in straight?
Is my chest even?
Wait! Where are you going?
You know Zeroman
better than anyone!
You could wave him over.
Introduce me.
I'm his biggest fan!
Yes, I know, Mother.
But there's no time.
My bag is all dried and flaking.
I have to go and moisturize.
Ooh!
Zeroman, now there's a real man.
Emergency, emergency.
Gotta go, gotta go!
Ah, commencing
genetic bum print.
Genetic bum print accepted.
Engaging Poop-Chute.
Ah! Oof!
What's the emergency, Ty?
Flaming zero scorching
across our beloved sky.
Someone must be in dire need.
Unless it's Firecracker Day.
It's not Firecracker Day.
You sure? Because
I'd hate to miss that.
Did you check the calendar?
It's not Firecracker Day!
The emergency signal was
sent, but I have no idea why.
There's no response
at the mayor's office.
Zounds! That sounds like a
coup by some deranged cuckoo!
A cuckoo coup?
Oh, don't even think it.
We've got to get through.
Zeroman
to Mayor MacWadd.
Mayor MacWadd, come in, please!
Come in, Mayor MacWadd.
Fair City's own Man of Zeal
was once again in the public
eye for a special appearance
at Fair City Special School
for Special Children.
And don't forget what
Uncle Zeroman says, children,
zero in and give zero
effort to everything you do,
and someday, you'll
be just like me.
Chief Helga, come quick.
This special kids angle is
pure political dynamite.
I need to do more
things like that.
You know, get out there
and mix and mingle
with the common man.
And are those flaming zeroes
scorching across the sky?
No, Mayor MacWadd,
no flaming zeros.
It is just what you in this
country call Firecracker Day.
Firecracker Day?
That's a civic holiday!
What the heck am
I doing at work?
Helga, who are these
fine young youngsters?
These are VIPs,
very important peoples
that you yourself arranged
to spend time with.
I did?
And are these special kids?
Oh yeah, very special kids
who will become special voters.
And now, I can give them
special attention on camera!
Out and about with
the youth of today!
Oh, this is good, Helga,
very good!
Sturdy new appliance
boxes for all
if he does not come back.
Sparrow to Mother Bird.
Come in, Mother Bird.
Well? Is his honor a goner?
Is Zero on his way here-o?
Oh yes, my little Sparrow.
Everything is going
according to plan.
I really
wish you wouldn't go
flying off half-cocked
until we know the exact
nature of the problem.
On the contrary,
Ty, I'm fully cocked
and ready to shoot off
on a moment's notice.
I've got to get out there
and save whatever portion of
humanity is presently being
in need of my saving
of them at this time.
Now, that's pretty
reckless, don't you think?
And very awkwardly phrased.
Just give me the latitude
and spare me the attitude.
Fine.
Ooh, ahh!
Next time, send me an email!
You know, kids.
I may look all grown up and
smart, but even us mayors
still know how to
have F-U-N, fun!
Watch me, homies.
Wheeeeee!
Let's go again!
Oh boy, oh boy.
Fun, fun, fun!
Ahhh... oof.
Hello? Zeroman here!
Is anybody in need in there?
Anybody at all?
Hello, Zeroman!
So glad you could drop by.
Well, well, well, if it
isn't Rusty Woodenwater.
I might have known
that you would be involved
in this unknown emergency.
Oh, there's no emergency.
I just wanted to see you is all.
Recently, I've been attending
Psychopath's Anonymous meetings,
and as part of my program,
I'm required to make amends
to those that I've wronged.
I'd like you to have this.
Really? For me?
Whoo hoo!
Whoa, it's heavy!
And it smells barnyard fresh.
What's in it?
Open it and see!
It's a trap, Zeroman.
Do not open that
suspicious lead lined box!
Anything that smells this
nice just can't be dangerous.
What do you know, it's
antistatic laundry sheets and--
Ahh!
Success! The fool fell for it!
It was a trap!
Ty was right!
Ty's always right.
Those are military strength
antistatic sheets, Zeroman.
They'll short out the
electromagnetic weave
of the super suit.
Losing strength.
Terrible,
uncontrollable bulging.
Antistatic sheets!
They aren't good for
Zeroman, are they fellas?
No, they render him powerless
and will eventually kill him.
Like a one, two
punch of crap tonight.
Bowango!
I guess this means
the great Man of Zeal
won't be giving me any
static anymore!
All right, that's enough.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm
needed down at City Hall.
Zeroman, listen to me!
Try engaging the
super suit autopilot!
Autopilot control.
No, no, no, that's not it.
No. Ah, yes, no.
Oh, ow, whoa...
But like you youths of today,
even us public figures need
to chill with our posse
once in a while.
I wonder where the cameras are.
Helga said there'd be cameras.
Fore!
Some fun, eh kids? Wheee!
Gangway! One, one side.
Sorry! My fault, my bad.
Oopsie! Some club soda
will get that out.
Zeroman, I can't get an
accurate fix on your location.
There's too much interference
from the antistatic sheets.
Try picking them off!
Imagine they're pizza mushrooms!
Pizza mushrooms!
Get, get 'em, get
'em off! Get 'em off!
Oh, ah!
Legs... too weak.
Like limp cow teats.
Must reach out to ordinary,
average Joe citizen for help.
Good! I'm gonna use my
Portable Antistatic Detecto set
to track you down on foot.
Hang in there, pal.
All right. All
right. I'm coming.
My chest is tingling like
crazy because he's close!
In fact he's...
In that truck!
Pull it over!
I wanna see what
you got in the rear.
It's just laundry
and a few cases of
those antistatic sheets.
Who are you anyway?
Some kind of laundry cop?
No, just a concerned citizen.
With the mayor gone missing
the whole town's
gone to the dogs.
What I wanna know
is, where's Zeroman?
Yeah. You and me both.
Still very weak.
Tell me what is your
name, good citizen?
Why Zeroman?
Don't you know me?
I'm your number one fan.
I'm sorry, it's just that,
never in my wildest dreams
did I think I'd have you here.
Thanks for caring.
Gotta go.
Oh no,
you're not going anywhere.
I'm not finished with you yet.
Not finished? Doing what?
Nursing you back
to health, silly!
Your body's still badly bulging.
Oh no.
It's, it's out of control!
For your own safety,
stay back, mother!
Uh, mercy!
Unpredictable suit
bulging of this magnitude
could be dangerous.
Nothing that a nice, hot
sponge bath won't soothe.
Stop! Don't come any closer!
Nooo!
On the heels of our beloved
Zeroman's sudden disappearance
failed child star
Rusty Woodenwater
has declared himself the
new mayor of Fair City!
I now take you live to Mayor
Rusty's first news conference.
What about Zeroman?
How long has
Zeroman been missing?
Does Zeroman have a
cell phone we could try?
Do you
think Zeroman is dead?
And if so,
will Zeroman's
impenetrable super suit
make the embalming
process more difficult?
Enough about Zeroman!
I hate Zeroman!
This is about me, not him.
Mayor Woodenwater is right.
Zeroman is kaput!
Sadly, kaput.
Rusty is now in charge.
Now, are there any
further questions?
Questions for the mayor?
What about the mayor?
Where is the mayor?
Is the
mayor feared dead too?
And if dead, where will
the mayor's funeral be?
And which
of the mayor's hairpieces
will be used for the viewing?
Boy, I just love
Firecracker Day.
Don't you, gang?
I got to say I'm
thrilled to spend time
and just hang with
you special kids.
Why, how can the public
see just how in touch I am
if there are no
cameras to record it?
Unless they're hidden cameras!
Hello? Where are you?
I'm ready for my close up!
Come out, come out,
wherever you are!
Come on, Z man.
I know you're out
there somewhere.
Where?
How long have I been out?
What day is this?
Doesn't matter, but now we
need to retrain your spine.
It was thrown seriously out of
line by all of that bucking.
Of the suit?
Eh, what matters is that
you'll be up and around again
in no time, thanks to these.
My heavy duty
vibrating massagers.
I see you're admiring
my collectibles.
I took a course in
fine glass blowing.
Blew each and every
little Zeroman myself.
It's my shrine to you.
Not even my idiot son
is allowed in here.
Isn't it sad that he still lives
at home at 64 years of age?
Oh boy. He must
really love his mommy...
But not in that way!
Oh, listen to me.
Nattering on like a
smitten schoolgirl.
And here I forgot to
offer you anything to eat.
Be right back.
Now's my chance.
Must contact Ty.
Zeroman. Is that you?
Yes, Ty. It is I, Ty.
You have no idea where I am.
I know, that's why I need you
to activate your Zero-Specs
homing signal immediately.
That's what I mean.
I'm home!
I can barely hear you!
Say again.
I am home. In my home.
Yes. Your home-ing sig-nal.
Turn it on, and I'll be able
to get a fix on your location.
Unless--
happens in an--
Must get to Poop-Chute.
Oh, terrific, I can walk!
Must move as cautiously
and quietly as possible.
Ooh, ah!
Ah! Ah!
Whew!
Whew!
What have you done?
I take you in and
give you my bed
and soothe your bulging body.
And this is how you repay me?
With lies, and deceit,
and sneaking around,
And moving?!
What are you, what are
you going to do to me?
Oh, you'll see.
You're gonna pay for this.
You're going to pay dearly.
No!
Oh no! No, oh my!
You wouldn't, you-
you- you couldn't.
I can and I will.
Oh no!
It's called a girdle.
I'm going to girdle you.
It's called girdling.
So this is what
the youth of today
does for fun and exercise.
Woohoo!
Nothing works
out for me.
This was supposed
to be my triumphant
return to public life.
Like the old days!
My glory days!
But all they can talk about is
Zeroman this and Zeroman that
and that Zeroman is
missing and presumed dead.
He gets more attention
dead than I do alive!
It's a crying shame, kid.
The pretty boys always
get all the attention.
Yeah. Well, not this time.
We're gonna find him!
Bring his bashed and
beaten body back.
So the world can hurry up
and get the mourning
over with already!
Then get back to the real
story, which is me, Mayor Rusty!
I'm confused.
Where do we start?
You two go check your
sources at the street level
while I do a wide target sweep
with my unpredictable
bulging detector.
This little beauty will pick up
even the slightest bulge
at over a hundred yards.
That's much better, isn't it?
I see you enjoyed my soup.
My idiot son won't touch it.
He has the constitution
of a sickly girl.
Just the thought of it
gives him violent gas.
Like I said, oo-wee,
oh that's good!
Genetic
bum print unknown.
Disengaging
Poop-Chute... get off.
What? No, it's Zeroman's bum!
Look again!
Zeroman? Zeroman!
Where are you?!
At
home on the toilet.
Desperately trying
to go, but I can't!
Ew. I'll call back.
The Poop-Chute won't
validate my bum scan.
Did you jiggle the handle?
Yes, I
can't understand it.
Unless it's because the
contours of my backside
have been seriously
altered by mother's girdle.
You're wearing your
mother's underwear?
God, that brings back memories.
Now I'm going to contort
myself out the window
and we'll rendezvous outside.
Kid, I think we got a lead.
Our street network has told us
that Zeroman has survived
and he shacked up
with some old lady.
Isn't that right, Nancy?
That's affirmative.
We don't have the
exact location--
Ahh!
Tell me something
I don't know!
Me and my big unit are
way ahead of you guys.
I'm getting an off the
chart bulge reading
three blocks from here.
Last one there's a rotten egg!
Oh my God.
Oh, oh my God!
Zeroman, hang in there.
Terrifically done.
Now spread your legs.
I assume there's
a scientific purpose
to what you're doing.
This is an ultra
antistatic brush designed to
nullify the residual
static effects
of the antistatic sheets.
Hold still.
It tickles.
All right, Rusty.
Your little game is over.
I'm hereby placing you and
your cahones under arrest.
Cahones or cronies?
You heard me.
I'm gonna grab a hold
of you and your boys
and start slapping
and thumping them
until you and they yell "uncle".
Zeroman, wait!
I've only done your
lower extremities!
Your upper body will be useless!
Well, I love a challenge!
Get him!
You can't kick and slap!
He's fighting like a girl.
Well, I don't fight no girls.
It's just as I thought!
The antistatic detector has
detected one last laundry sheet
lodged somewhere
deep on your person.
Well, get it off my person.
I don't know how long
I can keep this up
without my full powers.
All right.
But you do trust me, right?
Of course I trust you, Ty!
Got it!
I no longer trust you, Ty.
It's alive and
it's stalking me!
Yoohoo!
It's from me, Zeroman.
Your biggest fan!
Even bigger without that.
I thought you'd
like to keep it
as a memento of our
afternoon delight.
Thank you, kind citizen.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I
have to go wrap things up.
And so, with the return
of our very own Man of Zeal
and his swift apprehension of
three low level criminals--
Low level!
Our Fair City is fair
once more, thanks to--
Out, out and away!
Zeroman, wait!
Hey! Zeroman!
Don't worry, Mother.
Zeroman will never
really be that far away.
Don't touch me.
Zeroman!
Hello? Chief Helga?
It's Mayor Todd MacWadd.
Think I've spent enough time
with the youth of today,
and unless there's a
news crew waiting...
Chief Helga?
Hello?!
Ah, oh, ow!
Good morning, mother!
Beautiful day, isn't it?
Nevermind that crap.
What's all the racket out here?
I'm a man, mother.
And like most men, I thrive
on vigorous physical activity
in the great outdoors.
Makes me feel masculine.
And the house dress?
It wicks away
the perspiration!
You iron your mail bag?
Oh yes.
Nothing worse than a
wrinkled bag, Mother.
Ugh, talk about anal.
You can if you want to,
but that kind of talk
is all Greek to me.
I prefer to refer to
that particular area as--
great flaming hole!
It's the Zero-Signal!
That means Zeroman could
be flying over any minute.
How do I look? Are
my teeth in straight?
Is my chest even?
Wait! Where are you going?
You know Zeroman
better than anyone!
You could wave him over.
Introduce me.
I'm his biggest fan!
Yes, I know, Mother.
But there's no time.
My bag is all dried and flaking.
I have to go and moisturize.
Ooh!
Zeroman, now there's a real man.
Emergency, emergency.
Gotta go, gotta go!
Ah, commencing
genetic bum print.
Genetic bum print accepted.
Engaging Poop-Chute.
Ah! Oof!
What's the emergency, Ty?
Flaming zero scorching
across our beloved sky.
Someone must be in dire need.
Unless it's Firecracker Day.
It's not Firecracker Day.
You sure? Because
I'd hate to miss that.
Did you check the calendar?
It's not Firecracker Day!
The emergency signal was
sent, but I have no idea why.
There's no response
at the mayor's office.
Zounds! That sounds like a
coup by some deranged cuckoo!
A cuckoo coup?
Oh, don't even think it.
We've got to get through.
Zeroman
to Mayor MacWadd.
Mayor MacWadd, come in, please!
Come in, Mayor MacWadd.
Fair City's own Man of Zeal
was once again in the public
eye for a special appearance
at Fair City Special School
for Special Children.
And don't forget what
Uncle Zeroman says, children,
zero in and give zero
effort to everything you do,
and someday, you'll
be just like me.
Chief Helga, come quick.
This special kids angle is
pure political dynamite.
I need to do more
things like that.
You know, get out there
and mix and mingle
with the common man.
And are those flaming zeroes
scorching across the sky?
No, Mayor MacWadd,
no flaming zeros.
It is just what you in this
country call Firecracker Day.
Firecracker Day?
That's a civic holiday!
What the heck am
I doing at work?
Helga, who are these
fine young youngsters?
These are VIPs,
very important peoples
that you yourself arranged
to spend time with.
I did?
And are these special kids?
Oh yeah, very special kids
who will become special voters.
And now, I can give them
special attention on camera!
Out and about with
the youth of today!
Oh, this is good, Helga,
very good!
Sturdy new appliance
boxes for all
if he does not come back.
Sparrow to Mother Bird.
Come in, Mother Bird.
Well? Is his honor a goner?
Is Zero on his way here-o?
Oh yes, my little Sparrow.
Everything is going
according to plan.
I really
wish you wouldn't go
flying off half-cocked
until we know the exact
nature of the problem.
On the contrary,
Ty, I'm fully cocked
and ready to shoot off
on a moment's notice.
I've got to get out there
and save whatever portion of
humanity is presently being
in need of my saving
of them at this time.
Now, that's pretty
reckless, don't you think?
And very awkwardly phrased.
Just give me the latitude
and spare me the attitude.
Fine.
Ooh, ahh!
Next time, send me an email!
You know, kids.
I may look all grown up and
smart, but even us mayors
still know how to
have F-U-N, fun!
Watch me, homies.
Wheeeeee!
Let's go again!
Oh boy, oh boy.
Fun, fun, fun!
Ahhh... oof.
Hello? Zeroman here!
Is anybody in need in there?
Anybody at all?
Hello, Zeroman!
So glad you could drop by.
Well, well, well, if it
isn't Rusty Woodenwater.
I might have known
that you would be involved
in this unknown emergency.
Oh, there's no emergency.
I just wanted to see you is all.
Recently, I've been attending
Psychopath's Anonymous meetings,
and as part of my program,
I'm required to make amends
to those that I've wronged.
I'd like you to have this.
Really? For me?
Whoo hoo!
Whoa, it's heavy!
And it smells barnyard fresh.
What's in it?
Open it and see!
It's a trap, Zeroman.
Do not open that
suspicious lead lined box!
Anything that smells this
nice just can't be dangerous.
What do you know, it's
antistatic laundry sheets and--
Ahh!
Success! The fool fell for it!
It was a trap!
Ty was right!
Ty's always right.
Those are military strength
antistatic sheets, Zeroman.
They'll short out the
electromagnetic weave
of the super suit.
Losing strength.
Terrible,
uncontrollable bulging.
Antistatic sheets!
They aren't good for
Zeroman, are they fellas?
No, they render him powerless
and will eventually kill him.
Like a one, two
punch of crap tonight.
Bowango!
I guess this means
the great Man of Zeal
won't be giving me any
static anymore!
All right, that's enough.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm
needed down at City Hall.
Zeroman, listen to me!
Try engaging the
super suit autopilot!
Autopilot control.
No, no, no, that's not it.
No. Ah, yes, no.
Oh, ow, whoa...
But like you youths of today,
even us public figures need
to chill with our posse
once in a while.
I wonder where the cameras are.
Helga said there'd be cameras.
Fore!
Some fun, eh kids? Wheee!
Gangway! One, one side.
Sorry! My fault, my bad.
Oopsie! Some club soda
will get that out.
Zeroman, I can't get an
accurate fix on your location.
There's too much interference
from the antistatic sheets.
Try picking them off!
Imagine they're pizza mushrooms!
Pizza mushrooms!
Get, get 'em, get
'em off! Get 'em off!
Oh, ah!
Legs... too weak.
Like limp cow teats.
Must reach out to ordinary,
average Joe citizen for help.
Good! I'm gonna use my
Portable Antistatic Detecto set
to track you down on foot.
Hang in there, pal.
All right. All
right. I'm coming.
My chest is tingling like
crazy because he's close!
In fact he's...
In that truck!
Pull it over!
I wanna see what
you got in the rear.
It's just laundry
and a few cases of
those antistatic sheets.
Who are you anyway?
Some kind of laundry cop?
No, just a concerned citizen.
With the mayor gone missing
the whole town's
gone to the dogs.
What I wanna know
is, where's Zeroman?
Yeah. You and me both.
Still very weak.
Tell me what is your
name, good citizen?
Why Zeroman?
Don't you know me?
I'm your number one fan.
I'm sorry, it's just that,
never in my wildest dreams
did I think I'd have you here.
Thanks for caring.
Gotta go.
Oh no,
you're not going anywhere.
I'm not finished with you yet.
Not finished? Doing what?
Nursing you back
to health, silly!
Your body's still badly bulging.
Oh no.
It's, it's out of control!
For your own safety,
stay back, mother!
Uh, mercy!
Unpredictable suit
bulging of this magnitude
could be dangerous.
Nothing that a nice, hot
sponge bath won't soothe.
Stop! Don't come any closer!
Nooo!
On the heels of our beloved
Zeroman's sudden disappearance
failed child star
Rusty Woodenwater
has declared himself the
new mayor of Fair City!
I now take you live to Mayor
Rusty's first news conference.
What about Zeroman?
How long has
Zeroman been missing?
Does Zeroman have a
cell phone we could try?
Do you
think Zeroman is dead?
And if so,
will Zeroman's
impenetrable super suit
make the embalming
process more difficult?
Enough about Zeroman!
I hate Zeroman!
This is about me, not him.
Mayor Woodenwater is right.
Zeroman is kaput!
Sadly, kaput.
Rusty is now in charge.
Now, are there any
further questions?
Questions for the mayor?
What about the mayor?
Where is the mayor?
Is the
mayor feared dead too?
And if dead, where will
the mayor's funeral be?
And which
of the mayor's hairpieces
will be used for the viewing?
Boy, I just love
Firecracker Day.
Don't you, gang?
I got to say I'm
thrilled to spend time
and just hang with
you special kids.
Why, how can the public
see just how in touch I am
if there are no
cameras to record it?
Unless they're hidden cameras!
Hello? Where are you?
I'm ready for my close up!
Come out, come out,
wherever you are!
Come on, Z man.
I know you're out
there somewhere.
Where?
How long have I been out?
What day is this?
Doesn't matter, but now we
need to retrain your spine.
It was thrown seriously out of
line by all of that bucking.
Of the suit?
Eh, what matters is that
you'll be up and around again
in no time, thanks to these.
My heavy duty
vibrating massagers.
I see you're admiring
my collectibles.
I took a course in
fine glass blowing.
Blew each and every
little Zeroman myself.
It's my shrine to you.
Not even my idiot son
is allowed in here.
Isn't it sad that he still lives
at home at 64 years of age?
Oh boy. He must
really love his mommy...
But not in that way!
Oh, listen to me.
Nattering on like a
smitten schoolgirl.
And here I forgot to
offer you anything to eat.
Be right back.
Now's my chance.
Must contact Ty.
Zeroman. Is that you?
Yes, Ty. It is I, Ty.
You have no idea where I am.
I know, that's why I need you
to activate your Zero-Specs
homing signal immediately.
That's what I mean.
I'm home!
I can barely hear you!
Say again.
I am home. In my home.
Yes. Your home-ing sig-nal.
Turn it on, and I'll be able
to get a fix on your location.
Unless--
happens in an--
Must get to Poop-Chute.
Oh, terrific, I can walk!
Must move as cautiously
and quietly as possible.
Ooh, ah!
Ah! Ah!
Whew!
Whew!
What have you done?
I take you in and
give you my bed
and soothe your bulging body.
And this is how you repay me?
With lies, and deceit,
and sneaking around,
And moving?!
What are you, what are
you going to do to me?
Oh, you'll see.
You're gonna pay for this.
You're going to pay dearly.
No!
Oh no! No, oh my!
You wouldn't, you-
you- you couldn't.
I can and I will.
Oh no!
It's called a girdle.
I'm going to girdle you.
It's called girdling.
So this is what
the youth of today
does for fun and exercise.
Woohoo!
Nothing works
out for me.
This was supposed
to be my triumphant
return to public life.
Like the old days!
My glory days!
But all they can talk about is
Zeroman this and Zeroman that
and that Zeroman is
missing and presumed dead.
He gets more attention
dead than I do alive!
It's a crying shame, kid.
The pretty boys always
get all the attention.
Yeah. Well, not this time.
We're gonna find him!
Bring his bashed and
beaten body back.
So the world can hurry up
and get the mourning
over with already!
Then get back to the real
story, which is me, Mayor Rusty!
I'm confused.
Where do we start?
You two go check your
sources at the street level
while I do a wide target sweep
with my unpredictable
bulging detector.
This little beauty will pick up
even the slightest bulge
at over a hundred yards.
That's much better, isn't it?
I see you enjoyed my soup.
My idiot son won't touch it.
He has the constitution
of a sickly girl.
Just the thought of it
gives him violent gas.
Like I said, oo-wee,
oh that's good!
Genetic
bum print unknown.
Disengaging
Poop-Chute... get off.
What? No, it's Zeroman's bum!
Look again!
Zeroman? Zeroman!
Where are you?!
At
home on the toilet.
Desperately trying
to go, but I can't!
Ew. I'll call back.
The Poop-Chute won't
validate my bum scan.
Did you jiggle the handle?
Yes, I
can't understand it.
Unless it's because the
contours of my backside
have been seriously
altered by mother's girdle.
You're wearing your
mother's underwear?
God, that brings back memories.
Now I'm going to contort
myself out the window
and we'll rendezvous outside.
Kid, I think we got a lead.
Our street network has told us
that Zeroman has survived
and he shacked up
with some old lady.
Isn't that right, Nancy?
That's affirmative.
We don't have the
exact location--
Ahh!
Tell me something
I don't know!
Me and my big unit are
way ahead of you guys.
I'm getting an off the
chart bulge reading
three blocks from here.
Last one there's a rotten egg!
Oh my God.
Oh, oh my God!
Zeroman, hang in there.
Terrifically done.
Now spread your legs.
I assume there's
a scientific purpose
to what you're doing.
This is an ultra
antistatic brush designed to
nullify the residual
static effects
of the antistatic sheets.
Hold still.
It tickles.
All right, Rusty.
Your little game is over.
I'm hereby placing you and
your cahones under arrest.
Cahones or cronies?
You heard me.
I'm gonna grab a hold
of you and your boys
and start slapping
and thumping them
until you and they yell "uncle".
Zeroman, wait!
I've only done your
lower extremities!
Your upper body will be useless!
Well, I love a challenge!
Get him!
You can't kick and slap!
He's fighting like a girl.
Well, I don't fight no girls.
It's just as I thought!
The antistatic detector has
detected one last laundry sheet
lodged somewhere
deep on your person.
Well, get it off my person.
I don't know how long
I can keep this up
without my full powers.
All right.
But you do trust me, right?
Of course I trust you, Ty!
Got it!
I no longer trust you, Ty.
It's alive and
it's stalking me!
Yoohoo!
It's from me, Zeroman.
Your biggest fan!
Even bigger without that.
I thought you'd
like to keep it
as a memento of our
afternoon delight.
Thank you, kind citizen.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I
have to go wrap things up.
And so, with the return
of our very own Man of Zeal
and his swift apprehension of
three low level criminals--
Low level!
Our Fair City is fair
once more, thanks to--
Out, out and away!
Zeroman, wait!
Hey! Zeroman!
Don't worry, Mother.
Zeroman will never
really be that far away.
Don't touch me.
Zeroman!
Hello? Chief Helga?
It's Mayor Todd MacWadd.
Think I've spent enough time
with the youth of today,
and unless there's a
news crew waiting...
Chief Helga?
Hello?!