Zeroman (2004–…): Season 1, Episode 12 - Alpha Beta V.H.Les - full transcript

Oh, for sake Leslie,

get your over here,

and don't forget my suitcase.

Coming, Mother.

Oh great.

You've already made
me late for my bus.

All right, well,

looks like you're all
set to go away from me.

Don't worry about
me, I'll be fine.

Mother, please don't leave me!

Whose meals will I make?



Whose laundry will I do?

I'll only be gone
for the weekend!

Yes, but it's a long weekend.

Not long enough.

Leslie B. Mutton, get up
and stop being such a baby!

You're 64 years old.

Not for three more weeks!

Whatever, try living
for once and loosen up,

especially on my leg!

Here, have a sucker.

One, two, three,

Les, hey, Les!

Mother, is that you?

Do I sound like a
90 year old woman?



It's Ty, get your
butt down here!

Genetic
bum print accepted,

engaging poop-chute.

All right Gary, it's
time for your nap.

The adults have some
real work to do.

Work, what kind of work?

Has something happened?

Should I start limbering up?

Yes, out with it, Ty.

Is there an emergency,

or is this just
another practice drill?

Neither, but if
there was an emergency,

we'd be in trouble.

Look at you, you're a mess.

I just can't
believe she's gone.

You know what you need Z-man?

A day off!

Don't worry about a thing,

because O-Boy will
cover for you.

I'll just need your
suit there, and,

Forget it, Gary!

The mayor specifically
asked for Zeroman,

not his sidekick,
Captain Failure.

Now, go on.

Maybe it'll help you to
get your mind off things.

Yes, Mother, I mean Ty.

Out, out, and away.

And before I knew
it, she was gone,

out of my life for
the whole weekend!

In addition to the
regular attractions,

this year the magna-con world
exhibition traveling road show

plays host to the world's
most powerful super magnet:

The big mag!

I'm determined to
get on with my life.

Bruce says you can't teach
a new dog old tricks.

And as I am sure
you know, Zeroman,

a magnet of this magnitude,

could attract some
unwanted attention.

It would be disastrous if it
fell into the wrong hands.

In addition to your
zero-abilities,

we've hired a security
guard who's so good,

it's like he has eyes
in the back of his head!

I saw that!

Thank you for
traveling with us,

and I hope you enjoy the
R&R weekend bus tour.

Woo-hoo, I'm sure I will!

After you.

Now, if you could all
just take your seats,

we'll be off for your rest
and relaxation weekend.

A seniors' weekend?

No!

I am particularly proud
of this year's improvements

to the concession stands.

We managed to outsize
our supersize lattes

to the super duper supersize!

Yeah, it sounds super, Todd.

I'm sure all these
improvements will go a long way

to impressing the world's
most dynamic magnet magnate.

Chick Magnet, really?

Chick Magnet is coming
here to Fair City?

Hello?

Les Mutton?

Yes, this is
Les, who's calling?

Alpha Beta, VHS!

Chick, Chick Magnet, how's
my old college brother?

How do you think?

I'm a successful
magnet magnate, Les.

That means I'm rich
and attractive.

Same old Chick.

Say, do you remember the
time we snuck into the,

Les, the reason I called is
that I'm blowing through town

for the big convention and I
figured I'd cut you a break

and let you show me a good time!

Just like the old days.

What do you say?

Golly, there's nothing
I'd like more Chick,

but Mother's out of town

and I'm not supposed
to have friends over.

Since the old hen
has flown the coup,

what better time for Chick to
fly home and rule the roost?

Well, parties are
in strict violation

of the house rules and,

You need to loosen up.

Don't think of it as
breaking the rules.

Think of it as making your
mark, being your own man.

What do you say brother?

I say Alpha Beta VHS,

party at my place
for Chick and Les.

I'll see you tonight, brother!

Not if I see you first.

Same old Chick.

Same old Les.

Yeah, I remember the time we
snuck into the science lab.

How could I forget it?

It was the day you
changed my life forever.

Oh gee, Chick,
I don't know about this,

sneaking around after hours
is in strict violation

of campus rules.

You want to make it into
the frat, don't you brother?

Alpha Beta VH-yes!

Are you here for
the extra credit?

Chick, you better get in here.

I don't know which one you want.

Phew, that was a
close one, Chick.

Maybe we should go back.

Aha, so that's why
I'm in the dark.

Let there be light.

Did you say something, Chick?

I could have sworn
you said something.

Les will provide me
with a perfect alibi,

after I get my hands on you.

Alpha Beta VHS, brothers
first, then screw the rest!

What are you doing?

A pinata?

I'm sorry, Ty.

My iris is a little rusty.

What is this, a party
for five year old kids?

Well, it just so happens
that this is a party

for Chick Magnet.

I don't think you
should be throwing a party

for a jerk like Chick Magnet.

The guy's a user, Les.

He's not your friend.

Oh yeah, well
you're just jealous,

jealous and stupid,
you stupid head.

Aren't you supposed

to be guarding the big
mag tonight, as Zeroman?

The big mag is being
well taken care of.

I have my top man on it.

No, you can't be serious!

Can I help you?

Event secure, officially
sanctioned by Zeroman himself.

Stand back and watch how the
professional secures the area.

Activating lasers now!

What are you looking at?

I hope Chick likes
his punch strong.

I want this party to
be as wild and crazy

as the parties Chick used to
throw back in college days.

Hand me those loot
bags, will you?

Trust me, Les, if you
want this party to be a hit,

you really need to think
about juicing it up a bit.

You may be right Ty, and a
special appearance by Zeroman,

I'm sure will wow
my buddy Chick.

And this is my grandson,

enjoying his first
corn on the cob.

That's it, I can't
take it anymore!

Is this what you
people think is fun?

This bus isn't taking us
to our graves, you know.

You'd think that with what
little time you have left,

you'd wanna live a
little, have some fun!

These are our golden
years, people.

Society may force us to sit,
but we need to make a stand!

Get up on our feet and
let the world know,

that we're as old as hell,

and we're not gonna
take it anymore!

Please
remain in your seats!

Some party, aye Sally?

Yeah, some party.

Check it out,
Mother never allows me

to have the music
higher than four.

I hope no one calls
the authorities.

It's great to see
you loosening up, Les,

but with your mother away,
don't you find being all alone

in a big, lonely
house a bit, lonely?

Well, I am an only child,

which means I've gotten pretty
good at playing with myself.

Chick's here, Chick's here!

Hi, Chick, hi!

Hi Chick!

Same old ignorant Les.

Same old Chick, we've got
a lot of catching up to do.

It's how much I make a week.

But listen to me
babbling on about myself,

why don't you babble on
about me for a while?

Excuse me, Chick, I need to
talk to Sally for a moment.

Phew, thanks Les.

No need to thank me.

Isn't he great?

He's the coolest guy I know!

Have you seen his van?

How'd you like
the nickel tour?

I say she's sold, Chick.

Show it to her good!

Okay, maybe I
will take the tour.

I've never seen
Chick so happy!

Just think how happy he's
gonna be to meet Zeroman!

All right, let's do
some more sugar, baby!

I said sit down!

I mean it now, don't make
me turn this bus around!

I know what you must
be thinking, Sally.

You're thinking, why
would someone as fabulous

as me want to show the
inside of my luxurious van

to someone as ordinary as you.

But if magnets have
taught me anything,

it's that opposites attract.

Yeah, that's really
profound, Chick,

but I should be
getting back to Les.

Les and you, you and Les?

Oh, yes!

Me and Les, Les and me.

We've been close, close friends
for a long, long, long time.

I'll just let myself out.

What are you doing,
are you crazy?

You and my mother were
right Ty, I need to loosen up.

Chick is having a great time
and the party is going well.

And guess what, your
tofu dip is a big hit!

And Chick took Sally to his van.

Maybe they're just talking

or looking at his van, because
it's a pretty cool van.

And I wish I could see
what it looks like inside.

Settle down, Zero,
and no more punch!

You know what sugar does to you.

Sorry Ty, can't stay and chat.

Zeroman has got to
go up to the party

and see what's going on,

cause Chick is dying
for him to show up,

and he's still in the van,
so I should go check on him,

because maybe he's thirsty
or hungry or something.

I'll see you later!

You're wasting
your time, Uberchick.

You can't pull away
from the chick magnet.

I mean it, Chick,
this is way out of line.

Just what do you
intend to do with me?

Don't flatter yourself.

I only need you and Les to act
as my alibi for the evening.

After I steal the big
mag, I'll be invincible.

You really are crazy.

What do you think
Les is going to say

when I tell him all this?

It's going to be hard
for you to tell your side

of the story, once you're gone.

Zero, how can you just
sit here doing party tricks

while Sally is in
there with Chick?

Doesn't it bother you?

Why should my best girl
and my best friend getting

to know each other
better bother me?

Chick always told me,
when the van's rocking,

don't come knocking.

I assume that's because
of its instability

and because Chick didn't
want me to be in harm's way.

Good old Chick.

The big mag, you look
good enough to eat.

Two all copper coils, special
poles, lead conductors,

and Ferris coolant on
an electromagnetic base.

Stop right there!

Step away from the big mag
and turn around slowly.

Zeroman, Gary's in trouble!

I just received an
emergency signal

from the convention center.

Say no more, Ty.

You're in charge
of the party now.

Out, out, and away!

Don't forget to
refill the tofu dip!

Yellows
again deary, take it off!

Okay, that's it, trip's over!

I'm turning this bus around!

Hey, Zeroman, what
took you so long?

Gary, this is not the
time to be hanging around.

I just got a call that
there's trouble here.

Now what's the situation,
who needs my help?

Duh, me!

Yes, hi Gary, we
already went through that.

Now, what seems
to be the problem?

I'm loving this!

Be cautious, Z-man.

I'm detecting a severe
electrical disturbance.

Don't do anything
until we figure out

what this guy is up to.

What seems to be
the trouble citizen,

burn chills, power
surge, faulty wiring?

Did the breakers trip?

But hey, don't listen
to me, Ty's never right.

I can feel it
filling me with power!

Chick Magnet!

Well, well, well,
if it isn't Zeroman.

Well, if it
isn't Chick Magnet,

the well known magnet
magnate whom I'm meeting

for the first time ever.

The first time
and also the last!

Farewell Zeroman.

Okay, nice to see
you're packing things up.

Let me know if you need a cab
and if you need directions,

I could sketch a map or,

Glad we could finally
hang out Zeroman.

This is no time
for levity, Gary.

My zero-abilities are useless

against these pesky horseshoes

Zeroman, come in, Zeroman!

Ty, I can't come in right now.

I'm still out here dealing

with some kind of
diabolical horseshoe trap.

Why, are we out of the tofu dip?

They're not
horseshoes, Zeroman.

They're high powered
super magnets.

I've just done a quick
search on the net,

and if you heat those magnets,
they'll lose their power.

Zer-ific, then all I need is
to find some source of heat,

something extremely hot
and scalding of temperature

to break free of
these mighty magnets.

Gary, any ideas?

That's it, nice work, Gary!

Pass me that rotisserie hot dog,

and I'll use it to
heat up the magnets.

Or you could
use the hot latte

that Gary has in his other hand.

Right, smart thinking, Ty.

Throw it on me!

No, throw the
liquid on the magnets!

Poop, the magnetism
is jamming my signal!

Play time's over Check.

I didn't want it
to come to this,

but I'm afraid you'll have
to put that magnet down.

The gift shop is
a great selection

of reasonably priced souvenirs,

if that's what you're after.

Actually I have a
better idea, Zeroman.

Join me, together we can end
this destructive conflict

and rule the world
as brothers, as one.

I'll never join you, Chick.

Even though Mother thought
you were a good influence

on me in college.

You have a mother?

Your idiocy betrays you Zeroman.

Yes, a mother who is
away for the weekend.

She's gone away
for the long weekend.

I mean, I don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh well, then I must have
you confused with someone else.

No, my glasses!

Aha!

It's too bad, really, we
could have been brothers.

I don't want to
fight you, Chick.

I know there's some
good in you, somewhere.

Same old Les.

Naive, easy to crush, Les!

Now you will feel the power

of the world's most
powerful magnet magnate!

Super duper, super size,
double, double the go.

Nice work, Z-man!

The heat from that
latte de-magnetized

that magnetic meddler.

He's melted!

Farewell, my friend.

I will avenge your death.

Zeroman, come in Zeroman!

It's an emergency!

This is about Jaundice, and
she's on her way home right now!

Brother, oh no, the party!

Wait for me!

Gotta beat Mommy
home, gotta beat Mother.

Zeroman, pleasure to meet you.

The burgers need at
least another minute.

Smells great!

Call for takeout, trust me!

Phew, I beat her.

Now to clear this place out.

All right, people,
the party's over.

Let's call it a night.

The hell you
will, nobody move!

Oh, Zeroman, it's you!

It's so nice to have
you in my home again.

Can get you anything,
a cold drink,

a warm snack, anything!

Stop that, you're using
that panel improperly.

Is
anybody out there?

Les, Zeroman, anybody!