Younger (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Like a Boss - full transcript

- This imprint's going
to be amazing.

I am so happy
for you, Kels.

- For us--I told you
that we were gonna be

running this place soon.

We're like
"Steve Jobs in the garage"

phase of our career.

We are Oprah in Baltimore.
- Yeah?

When are you gonna start
making that Oprah money, huh?

- When are you?

- Okay, I'm ready to toast.

I just needed more Vodka
for my rocks.



- Wait. We can't toast.
Josh isn't here yet.

- Oh, I think I want to tell
Josh the big news on my own.

- Too late.
I already invited him.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- I came as quick
as I could.

So what are we
celebrating here?

- Not a raise.

- To Kelsey, the new editor
in chief of Millennial Print.

I couldn't be prouder.

You, my friend, are a shining
example of what it means

to be a bomb-ass female.

- And to Liza,
my co-millennial,

to running the world
before we're 30!

- Yes!
- Whoo.



- * I try to fake it

- So were you ever
gonna tell her?

- Of course I was,

but then she wanted me
to be a part

of this new imprint
targeting millennials.

- But, babe, you're not
a millennial.

- Yeah, well,
Dr. Dre's not a doctor.

- So you're just gonna
keep on lying to Kelsey?

- All I know is that
I can't start over

in this business
as a 40-year-old.

- I get it, but I want
to live an authentic life,

and that's just who I am.

- Okay, what if for now we just
don't hang out with work people?

- [groaning]
Look, I think I just--

I think I need some time
to wrap my head around all this.

- Okay.

No problem.

I'm sorry I'm so complicated.

- I'll call you later.

- * Tell me lies,
tell me sweet little lies *

- Yeah, you have
a good day too, ma'am.

Damn, I miss slamming
down the phone.

- What's going on?

- A buyer reneged.

You know, after a long
conversation with her husband,

she came to the conclusion
that Glass Nipple Lady

was too much
for her entryway.

- Aw, seems like a great
reminder to wear warm clothes.

- I was counting
on that piece selling

in order to pay the rent.

- Well, maybe they'll
let us slide a month?

- They already have.

I'm gonna have to go
to plan B and B.

I keep a profile on Airbnb
for times like these.

I'll just have
to rent the place out.

Can you stay with your tween
heartthrob this weekend?

- [groans]
We still haven't talked.

I've been totally
focused on work,

and he's been totally
focused on not calling me.

- Well, he should just
get over it.

I mean, women lie about
their age all the time.

It's not a new concept.

- Yeah, but to him, it is.

Josh doesn't lie.

It's one of the beautiful
things about him

I'd really like to change.

- Ugh, people are just
so goddamn good now.

We all used to lie
and eat gluten

and smoke cigarettes
and hang up on each other.

Remember that?

- Yeah, now people
just eat kale

and tell the truth.

- [chuckles]
A-holes.

[upbeat music]

- Liza and I are just
finalizing the details

for the launch party
this Friday.

- Oh, well,
do share.

I have been on pins and needles
ever since I learned

it would be in an old
bone boiling plant.

- [chuckles]
The Glue Factory is

the hottest party spot
in Greenpoint,

and we didn't really plan it
as a typical imprint launch.

We are targeting
millennial readers.

- Then I assume you'll be
inviting authors and literati.

I would love to see a list.

- Actually, uh,
bloggers and digerati.

I'm talking about expanding
our reach on social media.

- We're inviting all the key
influencers and cyber elite--

The Fat Jewish,
The Waifish Mormon,

Pompous Croissant,
Manreppeller,

The Wicked Bitch
of Greenpoint,

oh, and the dude
who created, uh, Pizza Rat.

- Well, it seems like you've
got this all covered.

If anyone needs me,
I'll be in my crypt.

- What's The Fat Jewish?

- 5 1/2 million followers
on Instagram.

- Whole new world.

[upbeat music]

- Liza!

Have you tweeted
for Richard Russo today?

- Yep.
- Have you checked

the Barnes & Noble
eyeline placement

for the latest
Katie Lee cookbook?

- Did it.
- Set up the podcast interviews

for Elizabeth Warren's
new autobiography?

- Done.
She's such a sweetheart.

- When she's getting her way.

Here.
- A Fitbit?

- It is not a gift.
I need you to wear it.

Jackie Dunne and I
from Ballantine

are having
a friendly competition.

I need you to out-step
her today.

I want to destroy her.

- So just walk?

- Just walk.

Bear in mind, Jackie
has a treadmill desk.

Wait!

[light music]

*

I understand you have
new responsibilities, Liza.

You have to keep a lot
of plates spinning,

but my plates take priority.

My plates can't drop.

My plates are the reason
you still get a paycheck.

Got it?
- Got it.

- You're gonna have
to be two people, Liza.

Think you can do that?

- I think I can.

*

- What is that,
some sort of plaid diaper?

[energetic techno music]

- What's going on?

- Diana's in some sort
of exercise challenge,

and she's making me
compete for her.

I feel like I'm
in "The Hunger Games."

- Katniss,
I have good news for you.

Lauren is totally
hooking us up.

We're getting dressed for
the party by Hector and Dorff,

and our fitting's right now.

- Awesome.
Can we walk there?

[driving techno music]

- Kelsey, Liza,

meet Hector and Dorff,

the creative visionaries
behind everything

you will see, touch, smell,
and taste here.

Hector, Dorff, this is Kelsey,
our woman of the hour,

- Hi.
- And Liza.

- I'm just a lowly assistant.

- Pull stock for her.

- You guys,
this place is amazing.

- Refreshments.

[cart rattling]

- Mm.

- We have schnapps.

- Do you have any water?

- This isn't Bloomingdale's.

*

- Hey, hey, Lisa.

Everything on this rack
is your size, Lisa, okay?

- Uh, Liza.
- No, I can't say that.

It tickles my tongue.
- Okay.

- [giggles]
- Oh.

- I love it.
- [gasps]

- Ah.
- Kelsey, you look hot.

- That's the slip.

[speaks foreign language]

- Oh, no,
you silly girl.

Kelsey, you are so cute,
I could feed you from my hand.

- Ah, totally.

- But it is your
special night, okay?

And you're a boss,

so we're going to make you
look like a boss.

Okay, like a boss.

You need a dress
that is serious,

a dress that says,
"Here I am, but I'm busy.

Look at me, but don't."

- Which just so happens to be
our signature kind of dress.

Lucky for you.

[cell phone chimes]
- [groans]

- I cannot believe
I'm running an imprint.

I never thought that
I would be here at this age.

- I definitely never thought
I'd be here at this age.

- I always thought
it'd be more, like, at 30.

- 30? No, girl,
you want to be successful

while you're still young.

Okay, Liza, what's
the latest guest count?

- 107, but The Book Ninja
just RSVP'd,

and The Double Negatives
say they're not not coming.

- Ooh, always on brand.

- Hey, what about Josh?

Because I saw that
he opened the invite,

but he didn't respond.

- Uh, I don't know.

We haven't talked in a while.

- Like, how long?

- I don't know.
Like, a week.

Oh, come on, you guys.
I mean, it's no big deal.

He's been busy.

- No, no, no, not so busy
that he hasn't had time

to Instagram eating
a peanut sundae

with his chubby roommate
at the Brooklyn Farmacy.

- I saw that.
He also popped up on my Facebook

congratulating me
on the imprint.

- Oh, my God, oh, my God,
he's communicating

with everyone but her.

Liza, Josh is ghosting you.

- [gasp]
Who's ghosting who?

- Liza's gonna need something
stronger than wine, Dad.

- It's okay, really.
I need to work

on this press release
for Kelsey.

- You sure? 'Cause what happens
at the Heller House

stays at the Heller house.

- [whispers] Go away now.
Just girls.

- I've ghosted people before.

- I think Miriam from the
Jewish Museum is ghosting me.

- No, no, no, Mom,
it's not just when someone

doesn't return your call,
okay?

It's when they disappear
into thin air,

but they still haunt all
of your social media feeds.

- I don't think
that Josh is ghosting me.

He just doesn't like
coming to work stuff.

- Oh, cool, so he just
doesn't support you.

- This happens.
Thad's the same way.

- Don't start.
I had a jewelry line,

and I had a big trunk show
at Neiman's.

Didn't show up.
Said he was sick.

- I had a staph infection.

- You let it get bad!

- It's true, though.

Women get successful;

men get insecure.

- I don't think that
Josh is insecure.

- I didn't think that
about Todd either

until the Neiman debacle.

I'm telling you,
men surprise you.

- The other day when I told
Thad about the imprint,

we were walking
down the street.

He puts his arm around me,

and I think he's gonna say,
"I'm so proud of you, babe."

And instead, he says,

"Babe, would you be open
to a three-way?"

So they definitely
surprise you.

- Look, you did butt stuff
way too early.

Ass play is the gateway
to three-way.

- Lauren.
- It's fine.

It's an old family saying.

I think we have it crocheted
on a pillow somewhere.

- We are failing the Bechdel
test so hard right now.

Four women sitting around,

and all we can talk about
is guys.

- You're absolutely right.
Shame on us.

Let's talk about Miriam.

- I think we should talk
about this press release

that really needs
to go out tonight.

- Okay, that means
we get out.

Here we go.
We'll just go.

- Okay, I need you
to tell me what you think.

"Kelsey Peters
has made a big splash

"in her short time
at Empirical.

"With the launch of Millennial,
Peters, 26,

"will be one
of the youngest people

to run a major imprint."

- And yet still doesn't
have her own apartment.

- Can I send it?

- Yeah.
- [grunts]

- Let's make it official.

[cell phone chimes]

- [sighs]

[groans]

- Hey, everything okay?

- Oh, whoopsie daisy.

Ha, my bad for...

turning towards
the sound of your voice.

- Hey, you know,
if you ever want to talk

about this Josh stuff,
I'm here.

- I see ya.

Uh, no, I'm actually--
I'm just working out.

I'm trying to bank some steps.

- You need a buddy?
- No, I'm good.

I'm gonna take it
to the streets,

get out of your...hair.

- Okay, well,
call if you need anything.

- Will do.

- Hey, um,
do you have my cell?

[upbeat rock music]

*

- Congratulations, Liza.

- You saw the press release?

- I meant on the steps.

Jackie had 12,000;
we had 12,014.

We eked out a victory.
- Yay, us.

- Of course,
now she wants a rematch,

so let's step up
our game today.

- We'll do that.

- Ooh, and I did see
the press release.

Gawker even picked it up.

- I know.
Pretty cool, huh?

- So cool.

Did you happen to read
the comment section yet?

- No, gah--pff, I never
read the comments.

- Well, you might
want to start.

[tense music]

*

- Oh, no.

*

Good morning.

- Did you see the comments
on the press release?

- I, like many people,
do not read the comments.

- Let me read them for you.

- "Kelsey Peters, what a joke.
Talk about desperate."

"Who's Peters screwing now?"

"Kelsey Peters,
WT effing eff?"

[sighs]

This is just a picture
of a kitten in a Barbie car.

- Comments!
I saw. Don't worry.

Once again, my timing
could not be more perfect.

Your dress is ready.

This little custom creation will
pick you right back up, girl.

*

- Ooh.

- Yes!

This is Hector and Dorff's take
on Kelsey, "the boss."

- Oh, my God,
they hate me too?

- * I can't feel my face
when I'm with you *

* But I love it

[indistinct chatter]
* But I love it

* I can't feel my face
when I'm with you *

* But I love it

- Ah, thanks
for wearing the dress.

It really makes
a statement.

- [whispers] I look
like an insane person.

- Yep, you look great.
- [sighs]

Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.

- Oh, the bruschetta
is made from rescue tomatoes

and day-of-expiration
burrata.

Oh, and remember to hashtag
"Millennial Launch."

[indistinct chatter]

- Where's the Fitbit?

- Oh.

People think
I'm on house arrest.

It ups my cool factor.

- Very Martha Stewart.

Point me towards the alcohol.

- Oh, it's over there.

*

- Why are you not over there
getting your picture taken?

- I don't photograph well.

I smile too hard.
It comes off as aggressive.

I think the technical term
is "mean muggin'."

- I can't imagine that.

You have such a nice
and friendly mug.

[laughs]

- Thank you.
So do you.

- [scoffs]

- Um, I'm so sorry.
Excuse me.

- Yeah.

*

- Ugh, another
Gawker comment.

- Oh, my God, this person
just said, "Ew."

- Haters gonna hate.

- Hey, what's up, ladies?
You guys seen Kels?

- I'm literally standing
right in front of you.

- Holy sh...

- Is the dress that bad?

- Uh...yeah--n-n-no.
No, no, no.

You only look weird
from the front.

I mean, your ass
is on point.

- Kelsey Peters,
I am so jealous of you.

Amanda, HarperCollins.
Anyway, this is huge. Congrats.

- Oh, thank you.
- Seriously.

Ooh, nice dress.

- Oh, my God, she just said,
"Ew, nice dress."

- No, no, no,
I don't think so.

- No, she said "Ooh.
Ooh, nice dress."

- No, no, no,
she said, "Ew."

E-W, like "ew."

- No, it was "Ooh,"
like lots of excited Os.

- Thad, will you go
get me a drink?

- Yeah,
where's my boy Josh?

- He's not here.

- What, did you
scare him off again?

- Thad! Drinks, please.

- Okay, jeez.

- Oh, my God,
Lena Dunham just tweeted,

"Yes, Kelsey Peters.

"Congrats to the
26-year-old baller

running Millennial Print."

- That's huge.

- That is huge.
Her fans are our target market.

- I'm hot.

- I know.
This will totally trend.

- No, like, I'm burning up.

I can't feel my hands.
- Wait. What?

- I can't breathe.
- It's okay. It's okay.

- I can't breathe.
- It's okay.

Water! Thad, water!

[bells chime]

- Hey, there.
I'm a little lost.

Do you know where
this address is?

- Yeah.

That's actually
my girlfriend's address.

- Oh, well, I look forward
to meeting your girlfriend.

[laid-back music]

- * I'll give you
everything tonight *

[knock at door]

[people moaning]

- Safe sex only.

And don't make me enforce it.

Condoms are on the table.

Oh, the guest bedroom's
off-limits.

- [whispers] Maggie.

- Josh, what are you
doing here?

- This guy came
into my shop--

- Men are $50;
women are $25, thank you.

- Are you having
a sex party?

- No, I'm having
a kid's birthday party.

I'm gonna blow up some condoms

and twist 'em
into balloon animals.

Any requests?

- Wait, does Liza
know about this?

- Nah, she think
I'm Airbnb-ing the place

to a nice couple from Albany.

- You gotta do what
you gotta do, huh.

- That's exactly right, Josh,
so cut Liza some slack.

You know, tight finances
lead to a complicated life.

- Yeah, it's just,
my life

wasn't complicated
before I met her, so--

- Well, that's adult life, Josh,
and she's an adult.

And that's one of the reasons
you fell for her.

She's emotionally evolved;
she's game;

she's low-maintenance.

Plus, she's gorgeous;
she's supersmart;

and she's the most
loyal friend I've ever had.

But, you know what?
Maybe she's not for you.

Maybe you need a basic bitch,
and you know what?

We're not a couple
of basic bitches around here.

Hey, listen.
You might want to head out,

unless you want to find out
what "pegging" means.

[clicks tongue]

- [gasping] I feel like
I'm having a heart attack.

Oh, shit.

I'm gonna die
at my own party.

- No, you're not.
Just breathe.

You're having a panic attack.
- Who isn't?

There is a designer dress
on the ground.

- Oh, my God, I got
to get out of this thing.

- Uh, okay, um...

Uh, where's the zipper?

- Don't look at me.
I don't know.

It's not an IKEA
coffee table;

it's a one-of-a-kind
piece of art.

- Well, this one-of-a-kind
piece of art

is suffocating me, okay?
I can't get air.

- All right,
I'm gonna cut you out.

- Get me out of this thing!

- Okay, no,
I can't watch this.

- [groans]
- Can't watch.

- [moans]
- Oh, there's the zipper.

- Oh, my God. [sighs]
- Is that better?

Okay, Kelsey,
this slip is hot.

You can totally go out
and give your speech in this.

- No, no, no,
I can't go back out there.

Those comments...

- Oh, those comments
are just comments

from anonymous assholes.

- I believe those assholes,
okay?

"Kelsey Peters,
WT effing eff?"

Good question.
[sighs]

I'm not qualified
to run an imprint.

I--I wrote my speech on my hand
and just sweated it off, okay?

I--this is a job
for an adult.

I--
[sighs]

[sobbing] I'm a kitten
in a Barbie car.

- Okay, breathe in
through your nose.

- Okay. [inhales]
- Out through your mouth.

- [exhales]
- Just focus on that.

- [exhales deeply]

Liza...
[sighs]

I feel like
such an imposter.

- So do I,
every single day.

- No, seriously, like,
I have no idea what I'm doing.

- Kelsey, nobody knows
what they're doing.

You just fake it
till you make it.

And hope that
when you're down,

like literally on the ground,
in some cases,

you have people around you

to help you get up.

*

Now come on.

If we're gonna run the world
before we're 30,

we got to get movin'.

- [whispers] Okay.

- But now we have Millennial,

so when you think
of publishing houses,

if you're in publishing,
push...

- [gasps]
Oh, my God.

My speech
is totally gone.

- Okay, um, here,
uh, put in my Bluetooth.

I'll talk you
through the whole thing.

I'll be with you
the entire time.

- [whispers] Okay.

- Into the future, and now,
it is my great pleasure

to introduce the editor in chief
of Millennial Print,

Kelsey Peters.

[cheers and applause]

- It's okay.
You got this.

Okay!
Whoo-hoo!

- Hey.
[cheers and applause]

- Congratulations.

- [whispers] Okay.

- Um...

- Thank you all...

- I want to thank all of you
for coming out tonight...

- To celebrate the launch...
- Of Millennial Print.

- For those people who think...

- I'm 26 and don't know
how to run an imprint, well...

- You're right...
- You're right.

- I may crash and burn...

- I may disrupt
the whole industry...

- Who knows?
- Who knows?

- I can't promise anything
other than...

- It will be interesting.

To the future!
And to Millennial Print.

all: Whoo!
- Yes!

[cheers and applause]

- Okay, that worked.
[laughs]

- * I have stayed

* In the shadows too long

* I started to feel at home,
and I thought... *

- That was an impressive speech.

- Yeah, she did a great job.
- Yeah, yeah.

I think you both
did a great job tonight.

Even the trash-to-table
turned out surprisingly well.

I enjoyed my offgrade
sweet potato puffs.

- Yeah, who knew that
restaurants just threw away

pockmarked potatoes?

That's like America
throwing away

Brad Pitt or
Edward James Olmos.

- So where's your young man?

- Uh, I'm not sure
there still is a young man.

He's, uh--
he's been ghosting me.

- Ghosting you?

- Yeah, it's when
someone evaporates

into thin air
with no explanation.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Can I get you
a glass of champagne?

- Yeah, I'd like that,
thank you.

[cell phone chimes]

[gasps]
- Hi.

- Hey.
- I'm sorry I'm late.

[relaxed music]

- I know we said
that we would try

to keep work
and life separate,

but you're the person I want
to share tonight with.

- Me too.
- Mmm.

*

- Charles, h--
this is my boyfriend.

This is Josh.
- Hey.

- Josh, this is
my boss, Charles.

- Well, I guess the ghost
made it to the feast after all.

Uh, you two should celebrate.
- Thanks.

- Very, very nice
to meet you, Josh.

- Yeah, you too.

So, um, that's your boss?

- [laughs]
Yes.

- Tall.

You look amazing tonight,
by the way.

- Thank you.

I'd invite you back to my place,

but, um,
Maggie's Airbnb-ing.

- Oh, really?

Well, uh, we can always
go back to my place.

- Thank you
for keeping my secret.

- Yeah, well...

some secrets are worth keeping.

- * I can't feel my face
when I'm with you *

* But I love it

* Hey