Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 5, Episode 13 - A Lot of Band-Aids and the Cooper Surrender - full transcript

Sheldon makes friends with his dorm neighbors. Also, George Sr. learns his job is in jeopardy.

on Young Sheldon...

Here we are.
What is this?

The dorm room.

It's all yours.

Now you can study, take naps,
do whatever you want.

No one's living here?

Well, we had
an Indian exchange student,

but he developed a taste
for barbecue,

so his parents made him go home.

Wait, he has a room
here and at school?

You have your own room.
I never had that growing up.

And then I was in the barracks,
and then I married your mother.


Yeah, tell me about it.

What happened to
appreciating what you have?

Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah.

Wait, you have a single?

And you don't
even sleep here?

Well, sometimes
I take naps,

but that mattress
is lumpy, lumpy.

I was learning to enjoy

the perks of university life,

including a dorm
to study and nap in.

And since this was college,

I was even allowed to have girls
in my room.

Here we go. Nice and clean.

Did you use
the unscented detergent?

You've got a nose.
Sniff it yourself.

I even had my own bathroom,

which gave me the perfect place
to store

my impressive collection
of sunscreens

and bug repellents.

However, one thing
I would never get used to

was college students' love
of blasting rock and roll music.

-== [ ] ==-

Uh, who are you?

I'm in the room next door.

Oh, you're that smart kid.

Who is it?

That smart kid.

Tell him to come in.
Want to come in?

No, I'm here to complain.
He's here to complain.

Then don't let him in.
You can't come in.

I'm trying to study, and your
loud music is very distracting.

You mean the game?
"The game"?

I'm not up
on today's one-named pop stars.

No. It's a video game.

You have video games?

A bunch. You play?

My meemaw and I
beat Quest of Adeera.

Dude, this kid beat Adeera.

Well, tell him to come in.
Come in.

What's up, homey?

Why do you have a
Rosetta stone poster?

Linguistics major.

Sit. You can play next.

So, how old are you?


And they let you

live here by yourself?

That room's just for
during the day to study.

Didn't I see some
lady in there?

That must've been my mom.

Dude, his mom is hot.

What is wrong with you?
Don't listen to him.

He thinks any female
with a pulse is hot.

I don't think your mom is hot.

you're more mature than him.

Don't feel bad. I'm more
mature than most people.

You're up.

Grown-ups and the elderly
had always liked me,

and now I had won over

Like a beloved board game,

I'm fun for ages nine to 90.

♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain

♪ I bet I could be your hero

♪ I am a mighty little man

♪ I am a mighty little man.♪

Oh, look at these prices.

I could make this dress
for Missy.

Meemaw, make her stop.

Come on, Mary. You already got
one kid that gets picked on.

Oh, cute.

Oh, it's a little short.

It's supposed to be this length.

It's adorable.

Thank you.

Does it come down any?


Come on, Mary, it's fine.

Well, you're not getting it.

All my friends dress like this.

Arms by your sides.
I want to measure.

See? It's shorter
than your fingertips.

What the hell is happening?

She wants to ruin my life.
The school dress code

says that all bottoms
must extend past the fingertips.

It's close enough,
and they don't even check.

I am not wasting good money

on something
that you can't wear to school.

Then I'll wear it on weekends.

Go try on something else.

I'll get it for her.
I don't mind wasting my money.



But you are not wearing it
to school,

and you are not wearing it
without tights.

Love you.

Hey, I'm the one
paying for it.

Love you more.

Hear that?

Hey, Tom. You wanted to see me?

Why don't you shut the door
and have a seat.

The door?

This can't be good.

Uh, look,

you know your team
didn't have a great year.

I'm aware.
I'm aware,

too, 'cause I've been hearing
about it everywhere.

The grocery store,
gas station,


And I'm only in there,
like, 30 seconds, George.

I know people are upset,

but we're gonna
turn things around.

I'm on your side.

But you should know the boosters
got pitchforks out.

Not literally,
but Charlie Dean owns

that feed store, so...

Are you saying I'm
losing my job?

No, no, I'm saying

you just got some fires
to put out.

Well, what am I supposed to do?
Talk to the boosters.

Tell 'em something encouraging.

Yeah. Got it.

And say it like your job
depends on it.

Not that it does.

But it does.

Watch out for the CyberToad.

What's a CyberToad?
The evil little robot frogs.

Although they're only known
as CyberToads in the west.

In Japan they're known as...MechaGamas.

Can I finish my own thoughts,

He's very sensitive.

I'm protective of
my fun facts, too.

I'm hungry.
You wanna order something?

Chinese? Little man,
you want Chinese?

I don't know. I've never
had Chinese food.

We get it, like, two,
three times a week.

Chinese food three times
a week?

That seems excessive.

How have you never had
an egg roll?

Mom, can I please be
picked up later?

No. Your meemaw's already
on her way.

But the people next door
want me to try an egg roll.

What people?

Don't take food from strangers.

They're not strangers.
They're Oscar and Darren.

Well, they're strangers to me.

Well, maybe when Meemaw
gets here,

she can wait in the car
for a few hours.

That is not happening,
and you know it.

Can we at least have
Chinese food for dinner?

I'm making Rice-A-Roni.

Does that count?
Nothing Chinese ends in

Well, their loss.

Oh, I know that face.

Heartburn? Gas?
What are we working with?

Not in the mood, Wayne.

Are you in the mood for Tums?
I could hook you up.

Apparently, the football
boosters think

I'm not doing my job.

Just 'cause they give
a little money to the team...

A lot of money.

They give some amount
of money to the team.

And the new scoreboard.

Okay. But I-I give my time,
my talent, my sweat.

You see any boosters out there
doing two-a-day summer practice?

I do not.
Damn right.

If they really want to help,
you know what they could do?

Give birth to stronger,
faster kids,

'cause theirs ain't cutting it.

You know you're gonna have
to talk to them, right?


And you know you can't say that
stuff about their kids, right?

Well, what if it
comes up organically?

Maybe I should come.

I'm not gonna insult
their children.

You sure?

Okay, come.

Where's the coffee?
I finished it.

When you finish a pot,
you're supposed to make more.

Oh, is that the rule?

It is for him.

Why are you reading
my paper?

Well, pardon me for keeping up
on events of the day.

Tomorrow's headline:
Father Strangles Son.
Good luck.

My horoscope says
"things are looking up."

Well, don't you look nice.

Nice and boring,
thanks to you.

Is everyone gonna be
crabby today?

I've been a delight.

Dad, can we just leave?

I haven't had my coffee yet.

I'll give you a ride.


Where are the damn filters?

They're in the cabinet,
where they always are.

These two, fighting like
the Serbs and Croatians

in Bosnia.

Mom make you wear that?


She did the same thing to me
with pleated khakis.

I looked like Pastor Jeff.

Well, she doesn't know
that I brought a change.

Good for you.

I tried cutting
the khakis into shorts.
Did it help?

No. I looked like Sheldon.

That's tragic.

You never get any glory
without a little pain.

I know we've had
our share lately,

but we've got the pieces
in place for next year.

With your support,
we're gonna make it happen.

I think we can agree that
our boys are in good hands here.

So thanks for coming out.
Go, Wolves.

I got a question.

Go ahead, Roy.
That game against Tyler.

What in the hell
were you thinking

punting with a minute 24
on the clock?

That's a fair question.

Sure is.

That was a tough one.

But our offense was
giving up 30 pounds

to everyone across the line.

And we had a quarterback who had
an uneasy relationship

with... with holding onto
the ball.

So you're blaming our kids?




Look, they're great kids.
A lot of heart.

They were getting killed
out there.

It's a coach's job
to know when to pull back.

So your strategy is
to surrender.

That's not what I'm saying.
You know who don't surrender?

That new coach they got
up at Carthage.

You know he played
for the Packers.

Oh, come on.
He played for two minutes

and broke his collarbone,
and that was his career.

Well, that's two minutes more
than you played.

Help me.

Vince Lombardi never played
for the pros.

So now this clown is
Vince Lombardi?

I'm not Lombardi, but I don't
need to put up with this crap.

Wait, what I think
we're all seeing

is the passion

that Coach Cooper brings
to the field.
No, what you're seeing

is me running out of patience.
Meeting's over.

Oh, there it is.

The Cooper Surrender.

The Cooper Surrender!

♪ Straight up, now tell me

♪ Do you really want
to love me forever? ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh♪

♪ Or am I caught
in a hit and run? ♪

♪ Straight up, now tell me

♪ Is it gonna be
you and me together? ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh♪

♪ Or are you just having fun?

What's the matter?


Did somebody die?


Then we can fix it.

Come on. Come on.

I was wearing
the new skirt,

and I felt really good.

Cute skirt.


Your legs are so hairy.


Those bitches.
Thank you.

Is that why you got on
sweat pants?

It gets worse.

Oh, boy.

I came home, and I was
in the bathroom,

and I saw Mom's leg razor.

Oh, no. Please tell me

you also saw shaving cream.

I didn't.

Water? Lotion?


Hey, it's Darren.


Any chance you play
Dungeons and Dragons?

And how. I once created
a campaign

set in 1940s London where
Alan Turing was a character,

and I had the mathematicians
be magic users

with theorems instead of spells.

The intelligence officers
were clerics...

"Yes" works. We're playing
tonight and we're down

a magic user.
You in?

When are you playing?

We start at 7:00.
We'll go till whenever.

My mom didn't let me stay
past 6:00 yesterday.

She'll never let me stay
till "whenever."

Mm. you could play
at my house.


I've never said that before.
Did it sound cool?


Oh, before you open that,
could you pick up Sheldon

so I can get dinner on?
Do I have to?

I'm sorry. I guess I'll do
all the parenting around here.

I'm having a hell of a day.
Can I get five minutes' peace?

When do I get
five minutes' peace?

Honestly, can you just take
this one thing off my plate?


Dad, my friends are playing
Dungeons and Dragons.

Can I please stay the night
in my dorm room?

I promise it's safe.

Fine with me.

Thank you. Bye.

That was easy.

Who was that?

He's gonna stay the night
in his dorm.

Why would you let him do that?

One more thing
off your plate.

You did not just
tell our son

that he could stay the night
by himself.

The campus is safe, and he's not
by himself, he's with friends.

Friends that we don't know.

What if there is alcohol?

Then they're gonna get
a lot of fun facts

about the history
of fermented beverages.

I am serious.

So am I.
How else would I know

that monkeys get drunk
by eating rotten fruit

off the jungle floor?

He is not ready for
this kind of situation.

Mary, he's a good kid.

He's not gonna drink
anything he shouldn't.

And if he cared
about peer pressure,

he wouldn't wear a bow tie.

I don't know.
I don't think I should.

It's just root beer.

This late in the evening,
my mother wouldn't approve.


Then again, I didn't think
they'd let me stay,

and they did,
so maybe it's fine.
I know,

why don't you roll for it?
Ooh, good idea.

Guess I'll have it.

We playing?

Hold on.
Do you have a coaster?

Yeah, it's in the china cabinet.

And where would that be?

You're good at Band-Aids.

I've had practice
on Sheldon.

He's a fragile boy.

I don't want to go
back to school tomorrow.
You have to!

You can't let them win.

But wear pants.

This is hard to look at.

I heard women in Europe
don't shave.

Maybe I should move there.

They also drink warm beer.

They don't know
what they're doing.

Will you show me how
to do it the right way?

Shave? Yeah.

Drink? Your dad's the expert.

Boys have it so easy.

They can be as hairy
as they want.

Yeah, but they gotta
walk around being dumb

and smelly all the time.

Who wants that?

So I have to shave forever,

then marry someone
who's dumb and smelly?

Not necessarily, but...

there's a good chance.

That's depressing.

That's where the
drinking comes in.

Where you going?

To get our son.

Mary, leave him alone.
He's fine.

We have no idea
who he's with,

and you don't even care.

You're right.
Do whatever you want.

What is your problem?

Doesn't matter.


If something is
going on, tell me.

They're coming after me at work.


The boosters.
They want a new coach.

Are you getting fired?

I don't know. Maybe.

Don't you have to go?

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

"You open the gate of the crypt,

and you see two identical
elven princesses."

Sheldon, what do you do?

I-I don't feel so good.

What's going on?

My stomach hurts.

How much did you eat?



I need to lie down.

Oh, I don't want to
throw up.

We don't want you
to throw up.

If he throws up, I throw up.
Well, what should we do?

I don't know.
Why are you asking me?

You're the closest
to a mom here.

I don't know.
Call his mom.

Oh, no, don't call my mom.

She'll never let me
do this again.

Get him something
to throw up in.

No, not the Skittles.

Here, here.


Next door there's an emergency
Alka-Seltzer tablet

in my bathroom medicine chest.

You have a bathroom?

Why does he get a bathroom?

Go throw up in
your own bathroom.

I don't know if I can make it.

Get his door!

It's locked.


I'm not gonna make it.
Please make it.

What is going on?
Sheldon, are you okay?

My stomach hurts.

He's gonna throw up.

Did you give him beer?
Did they give you beer?!

Just root beer.

It's gonna be okay, baby.


Why is it so colorful?

Too many... Skittles.

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