Young Sheldon (2017–…): Season 5, Episode 12 - A Pink Cadillac and a Glorious Tribal Dance - full transcript

Sheldon attends his first comic book convention. Also, Mary tries selling make-up.

There were
certain status symbols in Texas

that indicated
you were a success.

A rodeo champion belt buckle--

or as I call it,
the Redneck Nobel Prize.

Custom-built ostrich skin boots.

One less giant running bird
in the world

is fine by this cowpoke.

And possibly
the ultimate status symbol--

the pink Cadillac,

driven by an elite
Mary Kay super seller.

Mr. Lundy?

Mary Cooper.

What a delightful surprise.

I can't help but notice
what you're driving.

This old thing?

I was actually
gonna trade it in.

Are you selling Mary Kay?

With my theater background,

I just had a knack
for cosmetology.

You must sell a lot.


But, these days, I-I manage
my own handpicked team.

Well, I'm happy for you.

Aw, aren't you a dear?

H-- Um, hey, do you...

ever do sales?

Me? No.


An attractive young
woman like yourself?

Oh, I don't know about that.

Well, here.

Here is my card, in case
you ever want to talk.

Maybe one day you'll be
driving one of these.

Instead of
one of those.

♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain

♪ I bet I could be your hero

♪ I am a mighty little man

♪ I am a mighty little man.♪

So, spring break is
just around the corner.

I'm counting the days.

Me, too. Have you
reserved the lab yet?

Why would I do that?

Without the distraction
of classes,

you and I can
really buckle down

and get some work done.

I won't be here, Sheldon.

It's my break, too.

Where are you going?

I'm not telling you
where I'm going, Sheldon.

Why not?

Because I'll be happy,

and I want to stay that way.

You're in college.

You should be taking
spring break as well.

And do what?

Traditionally, you
would congregate

with your peers and
make bad decisions.

But I'm a kid.

Then perhaps a game

of Duck, Duck, Goose.



Geez, you really do need
a break.

While researching how to spend

my first collegiate
spring break,

my sister led me
to a documentary

on the subject.

Are they screaming for help?

No. They're having fun.

Are we watching the same show?

They were stuck
in school all year.

Now they're going wild.

Clearly. I don't see
a single lifeguard.

You don't have to go
to the beach.

Just do something
besides school.

There is science that
suggests taking breaks

refreshes the mind and
boosts brain function.

Good. Because the minute
I'm old enough,

that's gonna be me out there.

You better learn to swim,
because no one there's

gonna help you.

Guess who I ran into
at the grocery store.

Mr. Lundy.

Ugh, the weird theater guy?

He's not weird.

He's also a teacher,

realtor, choreographer,

ooh, and local celebrity.

He's actually not
doing that stuff now.

He is selling makeup.

He's even got one
of those pink Cadillacs.

Driving a pink car in Texas.

Bold choice.

You got to sell a lot
to earn one of those.

He must be good.

It sure seemed like it.

He's managing a whole
team of salespeople.


He gave me his card.

I was thinking
about calling him.

Don't you have enough makeup?

I don't.

I'm not buying it.

I'm thinking about selling it.


Yes, me.

Wouldn't hurt
to have extra money.

But you already have
two jobs-- church and mom.

Well, that second one
doesn't pay much.

I do your taxes.
The first one doesn't either.

Even more reason to call him.

Sales is a tough racket, Mare.

Yeah. It ain't as easy
as I make it look.

Well, I think I'd be good at it.

You sure? Sometimes you got
to do a little fibbin'.

I would do it without that.

And you got to have
people skills.

I have people skills.

Do you?

I'd like to throw my dinner roll

at your head right now,

but you don't see me doing it.

I believe
in you, Mom.

Thank you, honey.

But you're not getting
free makeup.

Dang it.

My sister suggested I "go wild,"

so I decided to heed her advice

and do the craziest thing
I could think of--

take a walk outside.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

A whole convention dedicated
to comic books,

science fiction and fantasy.

Pretty cool, huh?

Oh, hello, Nathan.

You going?

I'd like to. Are you?

Yeah. I quit my job
for the time off.

Well, my job search.

You know, it hasn't been
announced yet, but I hear

there's a special guest
appearance by David Gerrold.

He wrote the Star Trek episode
"Trouble with Tribbles."

Uh, no doy.

I just found
my spring break.

I'm not really
looking for a job.

I don't know why I lied.

Thank you so much

for finding the time.

Oh, please. Always happy

to welcome a new sales associate
to the family.

Well, um, I don't normally
wear much makeup,

so I'm a little out
of my depth.

Which brings us
to lesson number one.

In sales, confidence is key.

Are you confident?

I knew the answer to that,

but that's gonna be
our little secret,

because just like
this full-coverage concealer

for all skin types, we're gonna
cover that right on up.

I'm all for that.
Now before we go further,

I am gonna have
to ask for a check

for your sample kit
and your start-up accessories.

Oh. I was under the impression

that I would take orders,

and the customers would pay
for it later,

like, um, Girl Scout cookies.

I'm sorry. Do you see
Thin Mints in this case?

This is a serious business.

If you are not serious,

maybe you are not ready
to join my team.

Oh, I... I am serious.

It's just that my husband
isn't totally on board,

and he'll be upset
if I spend a bunch of money.

Oh, well, that's fair.

If you have to ask his
permission, I can come back.

It's refreshing really.

It reminds me of a simpler time

when men made the decisions
and women made the beds.

I'm gonna get my checkbook.

Now there is a take-charge
makeup salesperson.

I am the organ grinder,
and the world is my monkey.

All righty then.

Show me what you got.
What do you mean?

Your sales technique.
Let's go. Come on.

I'm an Eskimo.
Sell me some ice.

Really? Right now?

If you can't sell to me,
and I'm already Team Mary,

how are you gonna sell
to a stranger?

Okay. Um...


Let me stop you right there.
What did I do wrong?

It's your face.

What's wrong with my face?

It's your number one sales tool.

Y-You should be
advertising the product,

and you're not wearing any.

Yes, I am.

I think the best makeup is
the kind that no one notices.

Right now,
you're what no one notices.

This is your billboard,
and I'm...

...driving right on by.

I suppose
I could put on a little more.

Attagirl! They've already
seen the before.

Let's show 'em the after. Here.

Try this.

That's awfully red.

Exactly. And when you see red,
what comes to your mind?


Sex appeal,
a little va-va-voom!

I don't know.

You are not just selling makeup.

You are selling power,

you are selling confidence,
and that starts right here.

Now are you a powerful,
confident woman?


Slather this on.
Let's try again.


Somebody call highway patrol.

This billboard
is causing accidents.

You had the va,

then you got another va,
now you got the voom.

Sell me some makeup.

Hello there.

Now I'm listening.

Mom, I know what I want to do

for spring break.

What happened to your face?

Told you,
people take notice.

This is for my new job.

Is your new job
fighting Batman?

Because you look like The Joker.

What do you want?

Can I take
a four-and-a-half-hour bus ride

to Texarkana
for a comic book convention?

By yourself? Absolutely not.

Can you come with me?

Son, your mother
has makeup to sell.

If I get an adult
to go with me, can I?

I don't know. Maybe.

Ha, ha. No.

But people wear makeup
to comic book conventions.

You could sell it there.

Ah, I see. No.

Read my moisturized lips. No.

♪ No-no, no, no, no,
no, no-no, no... ♪

Would you like to go with me
to a comic book convention?

Will there be girls there?

♪ No-no, no, no,
no-no, no, no ♪

♪ No, no-no...

And if you order right now,

I'll throw in some extra
concealer for half off.

I mean, this is just allergies.

Does it look
like I've been crying?

No! No.

And the best news is

it's only a four-and-a-half-hour
bus ride away.

So you want me to ride
on a bus for hours

with a bunch of kids
to a comic book convention?

It's mostly adults.

Many are in costumes.



You look fantastic.

Ready to buy?


but I'm ready
to hit the dog track.

And since we're both
on spring break,

I thought
you might like to go with me.

Sheldon, I am the president
of the university.

You're right.
I should've asked you first.

So is that a "yes"?




And what do you want?
For you to go

on a bus with me to a comic book
convention in Texarkana.

God, no.

I don't know.

Trust me, the men are
gonna be lining up.

Well, they haven't been so far,

and I've been basically
giving it away.

That's your business really.

But, hey, I am not
just selling makeup.

I am selling confidence.

You are?
I sure am.

Now, are you a strong
and confident woman?

Not remotely.

Well, do you want to be?

I guess.

Here. Why don't you put this on,

and we will try again?


Now, are you a strong,
confident woman?

Come on. Say it
like you mean it.

Are you strong and confident?

One more time.


So I can put you down
for a starter kit?


Well, all right!


You never forget
your first sale.

I know. I am still tingling.

I love that feeling.

I don't even
drink coffee anymore.

I just go on tingle power.

And she didn't just
get the starter kit.

She got the mud mask,
she got the exfoliator.

I had a feeling about you, Mary.

It's just a matter of time
before you're behind the wheel

of your own pink Cadillac,
and take it from me,

you will be stared at. I am.


So, where do I go from here?

I've kind of talked
to everybody I know.

Mm. Well, new faces are the
lifeblood of our business.

How do I find new faces?

Don't you run a Bible study?

Uh, I don't know
that I'd be comfortable

trying to make sales
in a religious setting.

Mary, if God didn't want people
to wear makeup,

he'd have made 'em less ugly.

Well, that's one way
to look at it.

And you have a daughter, right?

Well, she's not even
a teenager yet.

This is when it starts.

Would you rather her
borrowing makeup from friends,

passing it back and forth?

She has stolen it from my bag.

Forget about a pink Caddy.
Now we're talking pink eye.

Which, if she does catch it,

a little waterproof
eyeliner, you'd never know.

Attention, science fiction
and comic book fans,

this Friday, Saturday and Sunday
in Ballroom B

of the Texarkana Holiday Inn,
it's Texarkana-Con!

That's right, Texarkana...


Celebrity appearances,
panel discussions,

autograph alley,
only at Texarkana...


Raffles, prizes, costume parade,

Friday through Sunday
at Texarkana...


William Shatner not appearing.

William Shatner
may not be appearing,

but Sheldon Cooper is.

I was normally a rule follower,

but one of the rules

of spring break is to cut loose
and break rules.

I'm heading out.

Where you going?

To see my comic book friends.

Hmm. I'm leaving in a few.
You want a ride?

No, I'm taking my bike.

All the way to the bus station.

Something funny?

Not funny. Just normal.



So smooth.

Hey, you made it.

It would have been illogical
not to.

Well, you're going
to have a blast.

I know this is un-Spock-like,
but I can't stop smiling.

There you are, dear sir.

Let's get
this pusillanimous bucket

of nuts and bolts on the road.

We have a comic-con to get to!

Mr. Givens?

Oh, the pain.

So, today

I thought maybe

we'd mix things up a little bit,

and do some reading
from Esther.

I don't think
I've ever read Esther.

Oh, you are in for a treat.

There is some good stuff
in here.

Let us open our Bibles

to, uh, chapter two, verse 12.

"Before a young woman's
turn came

"to go into King Xerxes,

"she had to complete 12 months
of beauty treatments

"prescribed for the women:
six months with oil of myrrh

and six with perfumes
and cosmetics."

Did anyone else realize

that cosmetics were right here
in the Bible?

I just find that fascinating.

Uh, well, t-this next verse

talks about her
being a concubine.

Hey, hey, don't skip ahead.

We're still talking cosmetics.

Did you know that Esther
used her beauty

to stop a genocide?


Sometimes, I think we forget

how powerful beauty can be.

But I know I sure

feel powerful when I'm wearing

this new line
of Mary Kay cosmetics.

Take a gander, ladies.

So how do you know
Dr. Smith over there?

That's not Dr. Smith,
that's Mr. Givens.

He was my high school
science teacher.

Oh. Well, he's dressed as
Dr. Smith from Lost in Space.

Oh, I've never seen it.

Yeah, well, you're
not missing much.

It was a lame kids' show.

I'm sorry, "lame kids' show"?

For your information,
Star Trek wouldn't exist

without Lost in Space.

Yeah, well,

at least Star Trek

didn't have to steal its robot
from Forbidden Planet.

I take it from their reaction
that was a good dig?

Nice job.

Well, if Star Trek is so great,

how come Lost in Space

kicked its butt in the ratings?

Well, if Lost in Space
is so great,

how come no one's
ever remade it?

That's true, they're still
making Star Trek movies

and a new series.

Yeah, which is even
better than the original.

I'm sorry, what did you say?

You heard me,
Star Trek: Next Gen

is better than Original Series.

Lost in Space brought me hours
of happiness as a child,

you... jerks.

Esther would be so proud.

This is a face that would stop
the spilling of blood.

You think?
I do.

Now, if you order the
starter package today,

I will throw in
the spring palette.


Oh, praise the Lord.

Now who's next?

Okay, I enjoy Mr. Data,

but he's clearly
just a Spock rip-off.

Oh, I'm sorry,

Mr. Data wants to be more human,

Spock wants to be less human.

How is that the same?


Well, I think we can all agree
that William Shatner

is the better actor.

Patrick Stewart is
classically trained.

He's a member of the
Royal Shakespeare Company.

He's too subtle. When William
Shatner plays an emotion,

my shoe can tell what it is.

Well, if you like big acting,

have I got
a show for you, dear boy.

And Kirk is a terrible captain.

He always puts the ship
in danger.

Picard would never do that.

Oh, I'm sorry, I guess Picard

never got assimilated
by the Borg.

Our verbal fisticuffs

may have seemed unfriendly,
but the truth is,

we were engaged
in a glorious tribal dance,

like the revelers
at Daytona Beach.

I will admit,
Wesley Crusher is the worst.

Now you're knocking Wil Wheaton.
He's the best part of the show.

He's an annoying know-it-all.

that's what makes him lovable.

It was the best spring break
I ever had.

Until my parents realized
I was missing

and I experienced something
worse than the wrath of Khan,

the wrath of Dad.


What the heck?

You think you can

just wash me away?

Yes, I used the gentle
cleansing cream formula one

with special emollients.

Exploiting your Bible
study group,

that was just the beginning.

I wouldn't say I exploited them.

Good, don't.
It'll be our little secret.

Now, where are we with Missy?

You leave Missy alone.

Mom, help. I can't get out.


Why are you sleeping?!

You should be selling!

My mother never sold
makeup again.

And as Mr. Lundy predicted,

Missy got her makeup
from her friends.

My eye feels oozy.

What's the matter, baby? Oh.

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