Wings (1990–1997): Season 5, Episode 8 - Joe Blows: Part 2 - full transcript

( upbeat piano theme playing )

ANNOUNCER:
Last week on Wings.

You can collect your bags
right through there.

Joe, stop it.

No, you stop it, Helen.

You stop coming to me
every time you have a problem

with your boyfriend.

Fay has a crisis-- Run to Joe.

Antonio wants to buy a new cab--
Run to Joe.

Roy wants to gloat-- Run to Joe.

Where do I run to?
Where do I go?



Somebody tell me.

Where do I go--?

When it finally dawns on me
that my life sucks.

Hey-- Joe what--
What the hell are you doing?

Joe where are you going?

Yes, officer it's been
three days since we've seen him.

Yes, missing for three days.

Uh, identifying marks--

Uh, he's got a birth mark
on his left thigh.

Well, I don't think that's any
of your business how I know,

I know.

Strong body, solid frame

and a nice tight little seat.

6'1", about 175 pounds--



3-feet tall, 900 pounds.

Hackett,

Joe Hackett.

Davidson,

Harley Davidson.

Okay, well please find him.

I just want my baby back.

I can't believe I might
not see my motorcycle again.

There, there.
Try to remember the good times.

I just don't get it.

I mean-- I'm closer to Joe
than anybody else.

Why hasn't he called me?

Hey, he's probably afraid
that you'd start whining

about your boyfriend again

You know, I wasn't
the only one bothering him.

What about you and your
stupid, stupid, motorcycle?

And what about Fraid-o over here
shaking him down for a new cab.

Hey, don't pin
this on me Blondie.

And, uh, I use the term loosely.

I was not the one
who drove him crazy

with that
stupid radio commercial.

Hey, hey,
I was just having fun with him.

The straw that broke
the camels back

was the bride of Frankenstein
over there asking Joe

to lug her husband corpse
all over town.

I'm not even going to dignify
that with a response.

And besides if it's anybody's
fault it's Brian and Alex,

the last of the lukewarm lovers.

Great. Now everybody's talking

about our love life.

Oh, I'm sorry, Brian.

I-- I know it's not
a great excuse but--

Helen started it.

Well, Brian,
have you heard from Joe?

Oh-- Oh, yeah. Did I forget
to tell you he called.

Yeah. He's married,
he's got three kids

and he's currently
the produce manager

at a Piggly Wiggly in Jersey.

HELEN:
Come on, Brian, it's not funny.

Quit kidding around.

Would you please relax?
All of you?

He's just letting
off some steam.

He'll be back.

Unless he fell off that bike,

hit his head, and got amnesia.

God-- What if--?

What if I have amnesia?

What if all these years
I've really been someone else?

What if I'm not actually
the man I think I am?

Then consider yourself
ahead of the game.

No, you can't speak to Joe
because he's not here.

That's why you have to talk to
me. Fay, will you get in here?

Oh, okay, that's all right--

Yeah, no, no. Fine.

No, fine, fine, be that way Gus.

We just won't get our fuel
from you anymore, okay?

Your not the only game in town.

BRIAN:
Fay, make a note.

We're not getting our fuel
from Gus anymore.

Well, I'm afraid we have to.

He's the only game in town.

That's great. See I told you.

I'm not cut out to do Joe's job.

See, I'm the type of guy
that comes in at 2,

leaves at 5.

Well, you know, dear, that's why
I wrote down everything

that you're supposed to do,
is all right there on that list.

Oh, yes, the list. Uh, w--

Would you mind translating
this for me.

I cannot read a word of it.

Joe never had any trouble
with my penmanship.

Come on, Fay, come on.

What is this? Number one:

Monty Python on flan omelet.

Monthly payment
on plane overdue.

The woman from the bank
keeps calling.

Oh, God. All right, if she
calls back just stall her.

All right?
All right, now, what is this?

What is number two?

( clears throat )

Fat rabies omelet--

Okay, we've already established

that omelet means overdue.

FAA reports overdue.
You forgot to fill them out.

Now, I'm sorry Brian,
I really don't have time for--

Oh, no, no, Fay. Please, please,
humor me will you?

And please decipher
this last one number 37.

What the hell
is "You hairy-pawed me,

so ethyl rump
the altitude opy quote"?

Yes, well, it's, uh,
you haven't paid me

so either dump the attitude
or I quit.

We got to talk.

Why is everyone
out there gossiping

about the problems
with our sex life?

They're not. They're not.
It's just your imagination.

Really? Well, Roy usually says,

"Morning, Lambert, getting any?"

Now it's, "Morning, Lambert,
getting any better?"

Listen, Alex, Alex, darling, uh,

everything will be better

once we make some time
for each other,

but I-I-- I've got to get
all these bills paid.

Every damn one of them
is omelet.

Thank you for taking me
so seriously.

Alex, come on. I-- I wasn't--

Al-- Alex. Alex.

Alex-- Al-- Come on.
Hey, come on!

Damn.

Hey, Brian--
No, I haven't heard from Joe.

I was just gonna ask you
if you wanted some coffee.

And as far as Joe is concerned,

I have totally come to terms
with him gone.

You know, he's the last thing
on my mind.

Uh, Helen, I'd like the grilled
cheese with double pickles.

God, that's just what Joe
used to have.

Wait a minute, look at this.
I don't believe this.

This is Joe's credit card bill.

He's been partying his way down
the entire East coast.

Let me see that.

BRIAN: Look at that.
( grunts )

I could just kill him.

I've been worrying my head off

and look at this he's been
to Atlantic City,

Myrtle Beach, Key West,

and a couple days ago he was
at Jack's Bar in Mystique.

Oh, my God.
Do you know what that means?

Yeah. Somebody fun
lifted Joe's wallet.

No. No, it means
that while I'm busting my hump

working 18 hours a day,

he's having a party down
on my old stomping ground.

I used to live there.

Where are you going?

I'm going down to Mystique
and drag his butt

back where it belongs.

Oh. This is--
This is so touching.

A-A younger brother traveling
thousands of miles to--

To rescue
a troubled older brother

to return him to the bosom

of his family and friends.

I just don't get it, do I?

( upbeat island theme playing )

Mm-mm-mm, mm-mm-mm.

Ahem. Jack.

Hey, hey.

How are you doing man?

JACK: Oh.
Oh, it's been a long time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, long time.
How in the hell are you?

I'm good. I'm good.
You know, I'm good. I'm fine.

Wow. Seeing you, being here,
brings back a ton of memories.

Oh, man.

Hot summer nights,

beach parties--

And the women--

Whoa...

Whoa...

Those are some times
you'll never forget.

( both chuckle )

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You have no idea who I am,
do you?

Not a clue.

It's me. It's Brian.

It's Brian, man.

Don't you remember
seven years ago

I used to fly charters
around these islands.

Lots of pilots been through here
over the years.

All right, look, um--

Maybe you can help me out.

I'm down here looking
for my brother,

about my height, brown hair,

he's alone, depressed,

probably has a tan line
where his tie should be.

Yeah, well, sorry.
Nobody like that around here.

But let's ask Joe.
He knows everybody.

Hey--
JACK: Joe, Joe--

Brian--

What are you doing here?

It's funny, that's the first
question I was gonna ask you.

( upbeat island theme playing )

All right, look, Joe...

I'm not angry.

I'm not upset.

If anybody ever deserved

to let off some steam,
it's you, but,

you've been here
for a few days...

you've had your fun...

your complexion's
all cleared up--

Now, please, let's just go home.

There you are.

Hey.

You left your sandals
in my hammock last night.

Oh, that's funny. I don't
remember wearing that much.

( both giggle )

Hello?

Hello?

Sorry, Brian, you were, uh,

saying something about uh--

Oh, right, uh, coming home.

Look, man, for the first time
in my life

I am relaxed.

I'm happy. I-I--
And I'm staying. See you.

Oh, no, no. Just a minute.

We're not through here yet.

All right. Look, I'll meet you
down at the beach. Okay?

All right.

Look. Listen to me.

I am not the same guy that I was
when I left Nantucket.

I've changed.

I'm at peace here.

You fell in with one
of those cults, didn't you?

Brian, just go home.

No, I-- Home? Do you think
I want to go back there?

All day long with the questions,

and the bills,
and the phone calls,

and people coming
at you every 10 damn seconds

with some stupid problem.

( laughs )
What? What?

Well, it took me 10 years
to flip out.

You got there in only 10 days.

Thank you for your very
enticing offer but-- No thanks.

Okay, fine. You stay here but
I'm going to tell you something,

I'm gonna let your damn airline
go right down the tubes.

Well, so let it.

Look, we both know
you can't run it.

Thanks very much
for the vote of confidence,

but, uh, here's a news flash:

I just don't want to run it.

Well, then, sell it.

You're forgetting something.
It's not mine to sell.

All right, okay, all right.
Give me a dollar.

What for?
Give me a dollar.

There you go. Congratulations.

You just bought yourself
an airline.

Ha. Yeah, like this is legal.

Well, I can take care of that.
Hey, Jack--

You want to witness
this transaction?

Looks, good to me.

There you go.
It's official.

Look, I got a party
to go to, so, uh,

if you're here when I get back,
I'll see you.

If not, I'll see you.

That's right, Gus,
I'm in charge of things now,

and, uh, I need gas for my plane

and will do whatever it takes

to get you
to extend me some credit.

Except that.
No, your six-year-old

is not having his birthday party
on my plane.

Okay--

But there is no way in hell
that I am wearing a clown suit.

Okay--

But I am not going
to wear a big red nose--

Okay.

Saturday, 3:00.

Yes, sir.

Well, that wasn't so bad,
was it?

I may not have my dignity,
but I got gas.

All right,
we are really rolling now.

That takes care of everything
on your list

except for this last item.

Oh, I suppose you want me
to translate--

No, no, no.

I'm getting pretty good at this.

"I know the goat
is a roady tart,

but I bought your dog
a grape jar--"

I know we got off
to a rocky start,

but I think you're doing
a great job.

Thanks a lot, Fay.

It means a lot to me.

Oh, oh, a-a-and one more thing.

The women from the bank
called three times

while you were
on the morning flight.

Man, I forgot all about that.

All right, well, I'll just have
to go back there later on,

turn on the old charm, huh?

Hi, Fay.

Hi.

Brian--

You know that little something I
ordered from Victoria's Secret?

Well, it came today and--

Since who knows
when you'll have time

to see me in it, I--

Took a picture to show you
what it looks like.

Oh, wow.

Oh, my goodness.

What ever problems
you two are having

she's certainly doing her part.

I know I haven't had much time
for you lately--

Much?

Brian...

you haven't even had time
to go to dinner.

I miss you.

Uh, Brian--

Uh, we're kind of in the middle
of something,

could you give us a minute?

Oh, okay.

You may not want
the full minute.

This is kind of important.

Lowell, please.

Okay.

Uh, Brian, now,
would that be a minute

from when you first said,

"Lowell, give us a minute." Or--

Or would that be
a minute from, say now?

Take your pick.

Gotcha.

Thirty seconds.

Lowell, what is it?

Oh, okay.

There's two guys from the bank

out on the run way,
towing the plane away

with a fork lift.

Th-- The--
They're repossessing the plane?

That's impossible.

You know, that's what they said,

up until the point when I showed
them how to use the forklift.

Uh, coffee please, Helen.

Sure.

ROY:
You know, Hackett, it's funny.

For years I've been trying
to buy Sandpiper.

Now, that I can pick it up

for the price
of an 8-track tape player,

I don't feel good about it.

( phone rings )

Hey, Fay, what are you doing
sitting over here?

Shouldn't you be on the phone
trying to book some passengers?

Oh, well,

sure I could do that, dear,

but, uh, don't you remember we
don't have a plane anymore?

Uh, but, although if you like,

I could do it anyway.

Brian, did you know
that the plane's out there?

Yeah, I got it back
this morning.

You're kidding.
How did you get it back?

Well...

it all has to do
with trout fishing, really.

Trout fishing?

It's not the way Joe would
have done it, but it worked.

See, the woman down
at the bank wants a promotion.

The fellow in charge
doesn't like her

but he does want
to get into politics.

So, he likes to hob-knob
with the mayor.

The mayor's wife wants
to get her teeth capped

and the dentist who's going
to cap them for her

will do it for nothing

if I agree to fly him
and his buddies to Vermont

to do some trout fishing.

That's the way
I'd have played her.

How did you ever
come up with that?

I got it from an old episode
of McHale's Navy.

Don't you think Ernest Borgnine
is sexy?

Lowell, go gas up the plane.

I've go to get ready
for my 3:00 charter.

You know,
when I first saw the plane,

I thought it was a mirage,

and then I said to myself,

"If it is a mirage,

"then I can walk
right through it."

I'm here to tell you,
it's no mirage.

Oh, Joe.

Oh...I'm so happy--

--you're back.
How are you?

Hi.
Joe, you're back.

Hey, Antonio, how you doing?

Oh, my God!

Joe, I'm so happy to see you.

Oh, I'm never talking
to you again

because I thought you
were not coming back.

So, did you have fun?

Yeah, I did. Thanks.

Listen, Joe, listen.

When I-- When I asked you
to cosign the loan

for my new cab I had no idea

that you were in need
of immediate psychiatric help.

It's okay, neither did I.

Joe, I am so glad you're here

because now this means that
Brian won't be working so hard

which means
that we can finally--

I'm just really glad
you're here.

Oh, Hackett, you're back.

Oh, this is
a truly wonderful moment.

You missed me, huh, Roy?

No, I just wanted
to give Lambert a cheap feel.

Joe? Joe.

Hey.
It's good to see you.

Where's my Harley?
It's right outside.

Ha-ha. My baby. My baby.

So, uh, is Brian around?

I guess we should probably
have a little talk.

Oh, yes, he is and you're gonna
be very proud of him,

because he did a great job
with Sandpiper

while you were away.

And it wasn't easy

because he had mighty big shoes
to fill.

I'll be back
in a couple hours, Fay.

This is Cessna Nevada 121
pop-poppa

waiting for clearance
to taxi to runway 4.

Hey.

So, are you the clown
that runs this joint?

What do you want?

Nothing, nothing.

Oh, all right, give me
a quarter-pouder with cheese.

( laughs )

Do I look amused?

No, I look amused.
You look ridiculous.

So, what are you doing back?

Well--

You know, I-I realized that--

You can only spend so much time
lying on the beach

with a beautiful women
in one hand

margarita in the other
before you--

Run out of money.

( chuckles )

So, that's it, huh?

Came back 'cause you went broke?

Well, that and, uh--

I realized that the answer
to my problems

wasn't in Mystique.

It's here.

You know, I got to find a way
to make all this work

without driving myself crazy.

Wait, wait, wait.

Hold on there.

You think after everything
I've been through

you can just waltz back here

and take Sandpiper back, huh?

You can forget that, pal.

Look, Brian--
And another thing--

--in case you've forgotten,
Beachcomber Bob,

you don't own it anymore.

You ran out on me.

This paper here says
I own the place.

And you know something, man?

I deserve it, because I'm
the one who struggled

to keep it alive while you
were playing in the sand.

I'm the one who had
to horse trade his way

up and down main street

in order to keep
the creditors off my back.

I'm the one who practically lost
his girlfriend

because I was spending far
too much time in the office,

and as if that weren't enough,

I'm the one sitting here
in this plane

wearing a freakin' clown suit.

So, unless you're up

for a plane load
of screaming 6-year-olds,

in party hats,

I suggest you haul your butt
off my plane.

Brian, would you please relax?

I don't want it back.

What?

I-- Just want a job.

You know,
nothing too strenuous just--

I'd like to come in about 2:00

and leave about 5:00.

You know, your old job.

Well, I'm afraid that position's
no longer available.

If it was I'd give it to me.

There is one job opening I think
you might be interested in.

Yeah?

Well, obviously
this job is too hard

for somebody to handle alone.

Ha. Tell me about it.

Now, I think I did
a damn good job with it.

But if I try to do it by myself

it'll kill me.

So, I'm thinking
of taking on a partner.

How would
this partnership thing work?

Well, first of all,
we split all the flights.

Yeah.

Some months you pay the bills,

some months I do.

Look, will I still have time
for some sort of life?

Yes. Yes. And so would I.

What do you say?

Deal. Partners.

Fifty-fifty.

Well... I kind of have
a problem with that.

What do you want more?
No, less.

I don't want
that much responsibility.

( sigh of relief )

The pressure's off.
I feel better now.

Partners, huh?

You know, this is a, uh,

pretty big moment in our lives.

Your...not gonna get
all emotional on me, are you?

No, I'm fine.

Well, in case you do.

Here, use my hanky.

( upbeat piano theme playing )

( upbeat piano theme playing )