Wings (1990–1997): Season 4, Episode 8 - Just Say No - full transcript
( upbeat piano theme playing )
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Are you okay?
Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.
It's just this is the first time
I've flown in-- In six months.
I was in a plane crash.
Ah, you're kidding,
right?
I was in a crash
a couple of months back.
Really?
Sprained ankle,
dislocated shoulders.
Scrapes and bruises.
Joe Hackett.
Mike Burland.
I'll tell you
I'll never forget it though.
It was-- It was a 737.
I'm sitting
right over the wing.
How--? How 'bout yourself?
Well, I was sitting
right here.
And it was this plane.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Lowell, Lowell,
I lost the passenger manifest
for my flight
that just landed.
I need all the names
on this list
reentered
into the computer.
Read them.
Okay.
( mouthing words )
Out loud, you idiot.
"Harlyn Wosniak,
Moiden Zokipremiat,
Steve May."
That's M-A-Y.
"Charles Fletcher,
Diane Carlin,
Shannon Moss..."
Wait, wait, whoa.
Would you say
that name again?
JOE:
Oh, wow.
Hey, Helen,
guess what.
What?
Shannon Moss is coming in
from New York.
Shannon Moss?
The Shannon Moss?
Yeah.
The Shannon Moss.
Shannon Moss?
I think that's the exact color
I painted my kitchen.
Who is this
Shannon Moss?
Ah, she's just this girl
that's been driving Brian
absolutely crazy
ever since high school.
"Just" this girl?
Are you kidding me?
Oh, I mean, Brian's never been
powerless around women,
except for Shannon.
I mean, she has got some sort of
unearthly control over him.
Yeah, like the senior prom.
Right.
Shannon and Brian were supposed
to go to the prom.
But at the last minute
she dumps him
'cause she's got
a better offer.
Oh, that's so sad.
HELEN:
Oh, no, honey.
The sad part is
she was able
to talk Brian
into driving them.
So this Shannon reminds me
of a woman
I knew from my village,
Theresa Vertucci.
She treated men
like garbage,
but they kept coming back
for more.
They-- They would rather die
than be without her.
She was called vedova nera,
the black widow.
Oh, after the spider
who kills her mate?
No, because she was black
and her husband had died.
I thought that was
so clear.
Look, there's only one way
to handle this.
If Brian so much
as sees Shannon,
he is a dead man.
Right.
So we've got to make a pact,
all right?
We don't even tell Brian
that Shannon is on the island.
No.
Agreed?
Okay?
Not a word, man.
Hey, everybody,
look who I got here.
Hi, Shannon.
Way to go, Helen.
Joe, Helen,
it's so nice to see you.
Yeah, hi.
You in town long?
Just the week.
Well,
that ought to do it.
Hey, guys,
does she look great or what?
Oh, Brian.
No,
I'm not kidding.
Boy, it might be
the lighting in here,
but, uh, my guess is
somebody's been exercising.
Not much,
just a little step aerobics.
Step aerobics,
what's that?
Is that aerobics for somebody
who's lost a parent?
( laughs )
Isn't he funny?
A riot.
He's hilarious.
I've got to get going.
But, Brian, I'll see you
for dinner tonight, 7:30.
Great, okay.
So, uh, seeing her
for dinner?
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
Brian, here we go again.
Excellent idea.
Listen, I know what
you guys are thinking.
You can relax.
I've had a lot of troubles
with Shannon in the past,
but that is not gonna happen
this time
and for two very good reasons.
Number one,
I'm older and wiser, okay?
Number two,
she's unavailable.
For the last couple years
she's been living with a guy
who she's crazy about,
and that's good
because I never could have
relied on reason number one.
This Shannon Moss
scares me.
She sounds
like the kind of woman
who takes pleasure
in giving men pain,
who likes grinding
a man's spirit
into the dirt
with a stiletto heel.
If Brian comes to his senses,
let her know I'm available.
( mellow theme playing )
( indistinct chatter )
Remember how my father used
to like to sing while he drove?
And completely butcher
the lyrics to songs?
Oh, yeah. He had--
He had a real thing
for the Beatles, didn't he?
I'll never forget his rendition
of "Hey, Jew."
He offended more
than a few of the neighbors
with that one,
didn't he?
No kidding.
So, uh, how's it being
a hotshot lawyer, huh?
I keep looking for you
on late night television
in one of those commercials,
you know?
"Shannon Moss
got me $3.2 million."
Been a real long time,
Shannon.
I know, I know.
I-- I'm sorry.
Life's been so crazy.
There must be 100 close friends
I just haven't kept up with.
Mm, I know we've missed you
at our meetings.
( laughs )
Well, I've been going through
a lot of changes lately, Brian.
I guess the most important one
has to do with Mark.
Oh, yeah, Mark.
Mark. So how is he doing?
Oh, he's good.
And so is Melissa.
That's the woman
he's seeing now.
God, you're kidding.
No, we broke up.
It's been almost a week now.
Oh, man, are you okay?
Ouch.
Well, you know,
it's never easy.
Something like this happens
and you can't help
but feel a little insecure
about yourself.
Oh, yeah, but maybe
somebody else would feel that,
but not you,
I mean, look at you.
You've got everything
going for you.
You've got a great sense
of humor, great career.
And-- And I honestly
believe that
you get better looking
every time I see you.
Oh, Brian,
you're just saying that.
No, I am not either.
It's always so great
spending time with you.
It's one of the reasons
I came home.
I guess what
I'm trying to say is
I feel that I'm ready to open
myself up to new possibilities.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, I do.
No, no,
I don't actually.
I've missed spending time
with you, Brian.
I miss
your quirky outlook on life.
I miss your infectious sense
of humor.
One of-- One of the few things
about me which,
incidentally,
is infectious.
( laughs )
I think.
I think about you a lot, Brian.
I want you
in my life again.
Cool!
( upbeat theme playing )
Where the hell
is Brian?
His flight is supposed
to leave in five minutes.
HELEN:
I haven't seen him
since yesterday.
All right, Fay.
Go ahead and announce
the flight.
If he doesn't show up,
I'll take it.
Aeroma--
Sand--
Aeroma--
Sand--
Put a sock in it,
will you?
I'm working here.
Aeromass Flight 14 is
now arriving at Gate 2.
Sandpiper Flight 19 is
now boarding through Gate 1.
Sandpiper,
the courteous airline.
Hello,
beautiful people.
Ah, a nice day,
n'est-ce pas?
Sky is blue.
The sun is high.
And everything's right
with the world.
( sniffs )
What the hell is
that smell?
( sniffs )
Well, if it's musky,
manly,
with just a hint
of the old West,
it's my cologne.
If, on the other hand,
it's the overwhelming stench
of onions, garlic and sausage,
I suggest
you change your tie.
( sniffs )
Brian, what is that
you're wearing?
It's called "Saddle Up."
Why, you--?
You don't like it?
Oh, no, I do like it.
I liked it the first time
I smelled it...
about the time you were
pulling into the parking lot.
Oh, Lowell,
leave that door open, please.
Oh, I don't think you want me
to do that, Fay.
There's a smell out there that--
( sniffs )
Too late,
it's in here now.
So let's see.
Picnic basket,
toxic cologne.
Yep, she's got him.
Yeah?
She's got that hook in his lip,
and she's reeling him in.
Reeeel. Reeeel--
No, no, no.
Nobody's--
Nobody's reeling anybody in.
And as for my evening last night
with Shannon, it was lovely.
Okay?
The restaurant
was elegant.
The conversation was stimulating
and the cuisine was superb.
ROY:
Blah, blah, blah.
Did you get any or what?
Eh, excuse me, Mr. Guccione,
but, uh, that's not really
your business.
However,
since we're on the subject,
if last night were a movie,
waves would be crashing,
rockets would be launching
and volcanoes would be erupting.
LOWELL:
Uh, I've seen that movie.
Krakatoa, East of Java.
No, there wasn't much sex,
but nobody had any time.
HELEN:
Okay, wait a minute.
Back up here.
What happened to that guy
that Shannon's been
so happily living with
for the past two years?
Oh, that.
A tragic, tragic story.
They broke up.
( chuckles )
Listen, you guys have nothing
to worry about.
Shannon has changed.
She's kind.
She's caring.
She's giving.
Think of-- Think of
Mother Teresa in leggings.
That's so weird.
I just was!
Brian, you always give us
this speech about
how this time
it's gonna be different.
It's never different.
Well, you're right, Joe.
Last night wasn't different.
But this morning
was truly unusual.
Well, when you say unusual,
what--?
What exactly do you mean?
Roy, do I have to paint you
a picture?
It'd certainly go
with all the rest
of the art in his house.
So, Brian, where are you going
on your picnic anyway?
Oh, up to Brand Point.
And then tomorrow night
I have a midnight cruise
planned for us
around the island.
And then for the weekend,
I made reservations
at this really cute, little
seaside inn on the Vineyard.
Sound pretty nice, huh?
Brian,
you have a flight
that's leaving.
Are you aware
that you still work here?
Yes, Joe, I know that.
And under no circumstances will
I allow my social life
to interfere
with my duties here.
Good.
Which is why I need to take
a leave of absence
through the weekend.
All right, Brian,
I will take your flights,
but you know
what this means?
It means you have to work
on Thanksgiving Day.
O-o-okay.
Let me get this straight.
You mean, uh,
I get to spend an afternoon
frolicking
with a beautiful woman,
and as punishment
I miss out on dried-out turkey,
raisin stuffing
and Uncle Wayne making a beard
with his mashed potatoes?
Hey, it's the only way
you're gonna learn.
If you guys will
excuse me,
my guest will be here
at any moment.
All right, but keep that cologne
going downwind.
I've got paying customers
over here.
You know, actually--
Actually
you can help me out here.
I'm waiting
for somebody
very special
to arrive, okay?
And I don't want to appear
overanxious,
but I do want to seem
casually confident.
So how--? How's--?
All right, how's this?
Uh, you might want
to try something else
with your right arm.
No, no,
more of a drape thing.
You know, across the table.
That's it.
Yeah?
Oh, thanks. Yeah!
Yeah,
that feels pretty good.
Thanks. Thanks.
I owe you an affectation.
Brian?
Hi.
Are you okay?
Well, yeah,
I was just, uh...
some breadcrumbs got
down my sleeve.
Hey, you ready to go?
Oh, the picnic.
Um, ahem, I hope you didn't go
to too much trouble.
Oh, no, no trouble at all.
Just threw
a few things together.
Oh, good, because I've got
this family thing
with my parents
this afternoon.
You know how that can be.
I should really...
Well, uh, uh,
well, okay.
You know what, no--
No explanation necessary.
I'll tell you what,
why don't you just come
over to my place later on.
We'll spread a blanket
on the floor.
We'll have our picnic
in the living room.
Actually, that's not gonna
work either.
I've got some briefs
that really need going over.
Sort of touches on what I had
planned for after dinner.
Uh, look, Brian,
let's just leave it like this.
If I get some free time the next
few days, I'll call you.
Okay?
Sure. Sure. Okay.
Okay.
Well, easy come,
easy go, right?
I didn't really have anything
invested in this anyway.
It's not like I went
to a lot of trouble.
Uh, Brian, I thought you might
want to look over this
before I hitch it up
to the back of the plane.
Hold me!
( upbeat theme playing )
I'm so stupid.
I'm such a jerk.
I'm such an idiot.
ROY: Hackett,
how much longer's this crap
gonna go on?
Don't discourage him.
It's the most sense
he's made all week.
Fay, I'm exhausted.
I can't take anymore flights.
BRIAN:
I'm such a jerk.
Is he back among
the living yet?
Oh, barely.
I'm such a moron.
I'm such a pin--
JOE:
Brian, get your butt
down here!
Brian's not doing
at all well, is he?
On the other hand,
time heals all wounds.
No, actually it doesn't.
About a year ago
I was walking down the beach.
I stepped on a razor-sharp
scallop shell.
Put a gash between my third and
fourth toes about, oh, yea big.
To this day,
if I don't wear cotton socks
that baby opens up
just like an artichoke.
Thank you, Lowell,
for ruining another one
of my favorite foods.
JOE:
Hey, listen, champ,
uh, you're gonna have
to work through your misery
a little faster.
I am getting burned out
taking all these flights.
Sorry.
I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm such an imbecile.
Look, don't beat yourself up.
You just made a mistake.
Oh, you bet I did.
I came on too strong.
I pushed her.
I frightened her.
Poor Shannon just came out
of a relationship.
She's as-- She's as fragile
as a baby sparrow.
Of course it's too fast!
Of course she's not ready
to make another commitment.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry, I was just standing
over there,
and I don't mean
to butt in here,
but just a little something
that I need to add--
Are you completely out
of your mind!?
Shannon Moss does not have
a fear of commitment.
Shannon Moss does not
even like you.
Shannon Moss likes you
liking her.
Think about it.
She broke up
with her boyfriend.
She's feeling really low.
So she comes here knowing
you're gonna fall over her
and give her
some big ego boost.
And once she's got it,
she just tosses you aside
knowing full well
you're gonna be ready for her
when she comes back.
Yeah, yeah,
this is a pattern with her.
The only time
you hear from her
is when something's gone wrong
in her life.
And if you're gonna
change the pattern,
you'd better confront her.
But it's not that easy,
you know.
She's got some sort
of power over me.
My-- My attraction to Shannon
is like this biological urge.
Yeah, it's like that--
That salmon thing, you know.
You're hopeless,
just hopeless.
All right, all right.
I've got to confront her.
I've left her, like, 20 messages
in the last few days
and has she called me
back once?
I'm asking you a question, Joe.
Has she called me back?
Hi, Brian.
Hey, Shannon.
We were just talking
about you.
I know I owe you a phone call,
but I've been really busy.
That case I was working on
blew up.
I've got to get the next flight
back to New York.
Oh, that's terrible,
but I guess that stuff happens.
I have to talk to you
about something that's--
Thanks for understanding.
Next time I'm here, I'll call.
Okay.
You'd better be careful,
Brian,
your baby sparrow's gonna
peck your eyes out.
No, no, she's just--
Save it, will you?
You didn't want to have
to confront her,
now you don't have to.
I hope you're happy.
Okay. Okay, fine.
I'll try it your way.
Ahem, listen, Shannon, uh,
I've got something
really important
I want to talk to you about.
I know you're in a rush,
but this is not gonna take--
Brian, please, not now.
My plane's about to board.
Whatever it is,
we'll talk about it next time.
When you get back is good.
But, you know, only because
you're about to board right now.
Otherwise, we'd be sitting
there right now--
We'd be talking about it.
Due to mechanical difficulties,
Flight 23 to New York
is temporarily delayed.
I heard about your plane, Roy.
I'm on it!
Well, it looks like
I have a few minutes.
What was it you wanted
to talk about?
I-it seems to me that...
All right, well,
it seems to them...
Actually, it seems to everybody
that every time you come into...
Every time you come
to the island,
we fall into a kind
of a pattern.
Take the other night,
for example.
I had the impression that
we had a relationship started.
So that's what this is about.
I sometimes forget
how you get carried away
with the slightest
little gesture.
Wait, wait.
Ges--? Ges--? Gesture?
That-- That gesture damned near
knocked me unconscious.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
It's my phone.
Excuse me.
Evacuating passengers, Roy!
Still much danger!
Uh, Lowell! Lowell! Lowell!
There was never anything
really wrong with the plane.
I was just stalling so I could
watch Hackett here suffer.
Oh.
Well, in that case, uh,
does anyone know how to get one
of those big,
inflatable emergency slides
back in the box?
You-- Oh!
Yes, sir.
I don't believe
what just happened.
What--? W-what's wrong?
You look-- You look pale.
The case that blew up?
The client's leaving the firm.
( sighs )
And they're blaming it on me.
Oh, but you--
Don't worry about that.
I mean, that stuff happens
all the time.
Right?
No, Brian,
you don't understand.
This is a major blow
to my career.
People don't forget about
this kind of thing.
But you're a great lawyer.
If anybody can bounce back,
you can.
Oh, I don't know.
I certainly don't feel like
going and facing those people
in New York now.
God, I feel awful.
Wait...do you still have
that reservation at the inn?
Yeah.
You could have it if you want.
No, I don't want
to be alone.
Why don't we go together?
It would really help me
forget about everything.
You're exactly
what I need right now.
Yeah.
Could you j-just--?
Just wait here one second, okay?
( clears throat )
Remember what you guys were
saying before
about Shannon using me?
Well, what she was just doing--
Is this sort of an example
of what you were talking about?
My God, doctor, the iceman's
head's starting to thaw.
Brian, look, I know this is
totally against your nature,
but try to show
a little character.
Just go over there
and j-just say no.
Whatever she says,
just say no.
HELEN:
God, this is exhausting.
Oh! Gee, I know.
We didn't work this hard
on our relationship.
I did.
Oh, yeah, I did too.
You know
what I've been thinking?
Why should we go to an inn
when my parents have that
great cottage at Sankety Point?
Oh.
It's so romantic.
Fireplace, four-poster bed,
hot tub on the deck.
Did I mention
that I've been studying
Japanese
sensual body massage?
What do you say?
Great!
I think
I can get some time off.
You know something?
Uh, I can't.
I can't do this.
Why?
Listen, it took me
a long time
to figure this out,
but I finally did
figure it out.
You've used me,
and this is the last time
I'm gonna let you do this.
Used you?
I don't use you, Brian.
I need you.
Oh, wh-what,
am I on this planet
solely to make
you feel better?
Is that it?
If you're not there
for me, Brian,
what am I gonna do?
Well, you've got that ticket.
Use it.
Fine.
Goodbye, Brian.
Yes, you did it!
Yeah!
Don't you feel great?
( sobbing ):
No!
No, I do! I do!
I feel great!
HELEN:
There you go.
I'm in control.
Ah!
Boy, you know, I feel like going
out into the wilderness
and stalking some
reasonably-threatening animal.
Let me-- Let me tell you
one other thing.
Boy, uh,
I've learned my lesson.
No woman is ever gonna use me
like that again.
No, not this boy.
Never!
All right.
Way to go.
Whoo!
( mellow theme playing )
( rings )
ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hi. This is Shannon.
Please leave a message
at the beep.
( beeps )
Shannon, it's Brian.
Uh, please disregard everything
I said at the airport.
I really don't know
what I was thinking.
But at the moment, all I'm
thinking about is that massage.
Call me back...please.
( upbeat piano theme playing )
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Are you okay?
Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.
It's just this is the first time
I've flown in-- In six months.
I was in a plane crash.
Ah, you're kidding,
right?
I was in a crash
a couple of months back.
Really?
Sprained ankle,
dislocated shoulders.
Scrapes and bruises.
Joe Hackett.
Mike Burland.
I'll tell you
I'll never forget it though.
It was-- It was a 737.
I'm sitting
right over the wing.
How--? How 'bout yourself?
Well, I was sitting
right here.
And it was this plane.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Lowell, Lowell,
I lost the passenger manifest
for my flight
that just landed.
I need all the names
on this list
reentered
into the computer.
Read them.
Okay.
( mouthing words )
Out loud, you idiot.
"Harlyn Wosniak,
Moiden Zokipremiat,
Steve May."
That's M-A-Y.
"Charles Fletcher,
Diane Carlin,
Shannon Moss..."
Wait, wait, whoa.
Would you say
that name again?
JOE:
Oh, wow.
Hey, Helen,
guess what.
What?
Shannon Moss is coming in
from New York.
Shannon Moss?
The Shannon Moss?
Yeah.
The Shannon Moss.
Shannon Moss?
I think that's the exact color
I painted my kitchen.
Who is this
Shannon Moss?
Ah, she's just this girl
that's been driving Brian
absolutely crazy
ever since high school.
"Just" this girl?
Are you kidding me?
Oh, I mean, Brian's never been
powerless around women,
except for Shannon.
I mean, she has got some sort of
unearthly control over him.
Yeah, like the senior prom.
Right.
Shannon and Brian were supposed
to go to the prom.
But at the last minute
she dumps him
'cause she's got
a better offer.
Oh, that's so sad.
HELEN:
Oh, no, honey.
The sad part is
she was able
to talk Brian
into driving them.
So this Shannon reminds me
of a woman
I knew from my village,
Theresa Vertucci.
She treated men
like garbage,
but they kept coming back
for more.
They-- They would rather die
than be without her.
She was called vedova nera,
the black widow.
Oh, after the spider
who kills her mate?
No, because she was black
and her husband had died.
I thought that was
so clear.
Look, there's only one way
to handle this.
If Brian so much
as sees Shannon,
he is a dead man.
Right.
So we've got to make a pact,
all right?
We don't even tell Brian
that Shannon is on the island.
No.
Agreed?
Okay?
Not a word, man.
Hey, everybody,
look who I got here.
Hi, Shannon.
Way to go, Helen.
Joe, Helen,
it's so nice to see you.
Yeah, hi.
You in town long?
Just the week.
Well,
that ought to do it.
Hey, guys,
does she look great or what?
Oh, Brian.
No,
I'm not kidding.
Boy, it might be
the lighting in here,
but, uh, my guess is
somebody's been exercising.
Not much,
just a little step aerobics.
Step aerobics,
what's that?
Is that aerobics for somebody
who's lost a parent?
( laughs )
Isn't he funny?
A riot.
He's hilarious.
I've got to get going.
But, Brian, I'll see you
for dinner tonight, 7:30.
Great, okay.
So, uh, seeing her
for dinner?
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
Brian, here we go again.
Excellent idea.
Listen, I know what
you guys are thinking.
You can relax.
I've had a lot of troubles
with Shannon in the past,
but that is not gonna happen
this time
and for two very good reasons.
Number one,
I'm older and wiser, okay?
Number two,
she's unavailable.
For the last couple years
she's been living with a guy
who she's crazy about,
and that's good
because I never could have
relied on reason number one.
This Shannon Moss
scares me.
She sounds
like the kind of woman
who takes pleasure
in giving men pain,
who likes grinding
a man's spirit
into the dirt
with a stiletto heel.
If Brian comes to his senses,
let her know I'm available.
( mellow theme playing )
( indistinct chatter )
Remember how my father used
to like to sing while he drove?
And completely butcher
the lyrics to songs?
Oh, yeah. He had--
He had a real thing
for the Beatles, didn't he?
I'll never forget his rendition
of "Hey, Jew."
He offended more
than a few of the neighbors
with that one,
didn't he?
No kidding.
So, uh, how's it being
a hotshot lawyer, huh?
I keep looking for you
on late night television
in one of those commercials,
you know?
"Shannon Moss
got me $3.2 million."
Been a real long time,
Shannon.
I know, I know.
I-- I'm sorry.
Life's been so crazy.
There must be 100 close friends
I just haven't kept up with.
Mm, I know we've missed you
at our meetings.
( laughs )
Well, I've been going through
a lot of changes lately, Brian.
I guess the most important one
has to do with Mark.
Oh, yeah, Mark.
Mark. So how is he doing?
Oh, he's good.
And so is Melissa.
That's the woman
he's seeing now.
God, you're kidding.
No, we broke up.
It's been almost a week now.
Oh, man, are you okay?
Ouch.
Well, you know,
it's never easy.
Something like this happens
and you can't help
but feel a little insecure
about yourself.
Oh, yeah, but maybe
somebody else would feel that,
but not you,
I mean, look at you.
You've got everything
going for you.
You've got a great sense
of humor, great career.
And-- And I honestly
believe that
you get better looking
every time I see you.
Oh, Brian,
you're just saying that.
No, I am not either.
It's always so great
spending time with you.
It's one of the reasons
I came home.
I guess what
I'm trying to say is
I feel that I'm ready to open
myself up to new possibilities.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, I do.
No, no,
I don't actually.
I've missed spending time
with you, Brian.
I miss
your quirky outlook on life.
I miss your infectious sense
of humor.
One of-- One of the few things
about me which,
incidentally,
is infectious.
( laughs )
I think.
I think about you a lot, Brian.
I want you
in my life again.
Cool!
( upbeat theme playing )
Where the hell
is Brian?
His flight is supposed
to leave in five minutes.
HELEN:
I haven't seen him
since yesterday.
All right, Fay.
Go ahead and announce
the flight.
If he doesn't show up,
I'll take it.
Aeroma--
Sand--
Aeroma--
Sand--
Put a sock in it,
will you?
I'm working here.
Aeromass Flight 14 is
now arriving at Gate 2.
Sandpiper Flight 19 is
now boarding through Gate 1.
Sandpiper,
the courteous airline.
Hello,
beautiful people.
Ah, a nice day,
n'est-ce pas?
Sky is blue.
The sun is high.
And everything's right
with the world.
( sniffs )
What the hell is
that smell?
( sniffs )
Well, if it's musky,
manly,
with just a hint
of the old West,
it's my cologne.
If, on the other hand,
it's the overwhelming stench
of onions, garlic and sausage,
I suggest
you change your tie.
( sniffs )
Brian, what is that
you're wearing?
It's called "Saddle Up."
Why, you--?
You don't like it?
Oh, no, I do like it.
I liked it the first time
I smelled it...
about the time you were
pulling into the parking lot.
Oh, Lowell,
leave that door open, please.
Oh, I don't think you want me
to do that, Fay.
There's a smell out there that--
( sniffs )
Too late,
it's in here now.
So let's see.
Picnic basket,
toxic cologne.
Yep, she's got him.
Yeah?
She's got that hook in his lip,
and she's reeling him in.
Reeeel. Reeeel--
No, no, no.
Nobody's--
Nobody's reeling anybody in.
And as for my evening last night
with Shannon, it was lovely.
Okay?
The restaurant
was elegant.
The conversation was stimulating
and the cuisine was superb.
ROY:
Blah, blah, blah.
Did you get any or what?
Eh, excuse me, Mr. Guccione,
but, uh, that's not really
your business.
However,
since we're on the subject,
if last night were a movie,
waves would be crashing,
rockets would be launching
and volcanoes would be erupting.
LOWELL:
Uh, I've seen that movie.
Krakatoa, East of Java.
No, there wasn't much sex,
but nobody had any time.
HELEN:
Okay, wait a minute.
Back up here.
What happened to that guy
that Shannon's been
so happily living with
for the past two years?
Oh, that.
A tragic, tragic story.
They broke up.
( chuckles )
Listen, you guys have nothing
to worry about.
Shannon has changed.
She's kind.
She's caring.
She's giving.
Think of-- Think of
Mother Teresa in leggings.
That's so weird.
I just was!
Brian, you always give us
this speech about
how this time
it's gonna be different.
It's never different.
Well, you're right, Joe.
Last night wasn't different.
But this morning
was truly unusual.
Well, when you say unusual,
what--?
What exactly do you mean?
Roy, do I have to paint you
a picture?
It'd certainly go
with all the rest
of the art in his house.
So, Brian, where are you going
on your picnic anyway?
Oh, up to Brand Point.
And then tomorrow night
I have a midnight cruise
planned for us
around the island.
And then for the weekend,
I made reservations
at this really cute, little
seaside inn on the Vineyard.
Sound pretty nice, huh?
Brian,
you have a flight
that's leaving.
Are you aware
that you still work here?
Yes, Joe, I know that.
And under no circumstances will
I allow my social life
to interfere
with my duties here.
Good.
Which is why I need to take
a leave of absence
through the weekend.
All right, Brian,
I will take your flights,
but you know
what this means?
It means you have to work
on Thanksgiving Day.
O-o-okay.
Let me get this straight.
You mean, uh,
I get to spend an afternoon
frolicking
with a beautiful woman,
and as punishment
I miss out on dried-out turkey,
raisin stuffing
and Uncle Wayne making a beard
with his mashed potatoes?
Hey, it's the only way
you're gonna learn.
If you guys will
excuse me,
my guest will be here
at any moment.
All right, but keep that cologne
going downwind.
I've got paying customers
over here.
You know, actually--
Actually
you can help me out here.
I'm waiting
for somebody
very special
to arrive, okay?
And I don't want to appear
overanxious,
but I do want to seem
casually confident.
So how--? How's--?
All right, how's this?
Uh, you might want
to try something else
with your right arm.
No, no,
more of a drape thing.
You know, across the table.
That's it.
Yeah?
Oh, thanks. Yeah!
Yeah,
that feels pretty good.
Thanks. Thanks.
I owe you an affectation.
Brian?
Hi.
Are you okay?
Well, yeah,
I was just, uh...
some breadcrumbs got
down my sleeve.
Hey, you ready to go?
Oh, the picnic.
Um, ahem, I hope you didn't go
to too much trouble.
Oh, no, no trouble at all.
Just threw
a few things together.
Oh, good, because I've got
this family thing
with my parents
this afternoon.
You know how that can be.
I should really...
Well, uh, uh,
well, okay.
You know what, no--
No explanation necessary.
I'll tell you what,
why don't you just come
over to my place later on.
We'll spread a blanket
on the floor.
We'll have our picnic
in the living room.
Actually, that's not gonna
work either.
I've got some briefs
that really need going over.
Sort of touches on what I had
planned for after dinner.
Uh, look, Brian,
let's just leave it like this.
If I get some free time the next
few days, I'll call you.
Okay?
Sure. Sure. Okay.
Okay.
Well, easy come,
easy go, right?
I didn't really have anything
invested in this anyway.
It's not like I went
to a lot of trouble.
Uh, Brian, I thought you might
want to look over this
before I hitch it up
to the back of the plane.
Hold me!
( upbeat theme playing )
I'm so stupid.
I'm such a jerk.
I'm such an idiot.
ROY: Hackett,
how much longer's this crap
gonna go on?
Don't discourage him.
It's the most sense
he's made all week.
Fay, I'm exhausted.
I can't take anymore flights.
BRIAN:
I'm such a jerk.
Is he back among
the living yet?
Oh, barely.
I'm such a moron.
I'm such a pin--
JOE:
Brian, get your butt
down here!
Brian's not doing
at all well, is he?
On the other hand,
time heals all wounds.
No, actually it doesn't.
About a year ago
I was walking down the beach.
I stepped on a razor-sharp
scallop shell.
Put a gash between my third and
fourth toes about, oh, yea big.
To this day,
if I don't wear cotton socks
that baby opens up
just like an artichoke.
Thank you, Lowell,
for ruining another one
of my favorite foods.
JOE:
Hey, listen, champ,
uh, you're gonna have
to work through your misery
a little faster.
I am getting burned out
taking all these flights.
Sorry.
I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm such an imbecile.
Look, don't beat yourself up.
You just made a mistake.
Oh, you bet I did.
I came on too strong.
I pushed her.
I frightened her.
Poor Shannon just came out
of a relationship.
She's as-- She's as fragile
as a baby sparrow.
Of course it's too fast!
Of course she's not ready
to make another commitment.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry, I was just standing
over there,
and I don't mean
to butt in here,
but just a little something
that I need to add--
Are you completely out
of your mind!?
Shannon Moss does not have
a fear of commitment.
Shannon Moss does not
even like you.
Shannon Moss likes you
liking her.
Think about it.
She broke up
with her boyfriend.
She's feeling really low.
So she comes here knowing
you're gonna fall over her
and give her
some big ego boost.
And once she's got it,
she just tosses you aside
knowing full well
you're gonna be ready for her
when she comes back.
Yeah, yeah,
this is a pattern with her.
The only time
you hear from her
is when something's gone wrong
in her life.
And if you're gonna
change the pattern,
you'd better confront her.
But it's not that easy,
you know.
She's got some sort
of power over me.
My-- My attraction to Shannon
is like this biological urge.
Yeah, it's like that--
That salmon thing, you know.
You're hopeless,
just hopeless.
All right, all right.
I've got to confront her.
I've left her, like, 20 messages
in the last few days
and has she called me
back once?
I'm asking you a question, Joe.
Has she called me back?
Hi, Brian.
Hey, Shannon.
We were just talking
about you.
I know I owe you a phone call,
but I've been really busy.
That case I was working on
blew up.
I've got to get the next flight
back to New York.
Oh, that's terrible,
but I guess that stuff happens.
I have to talk to you
about something that's--
Thanks for understanding.
Next time I'm here, I'll call.
Okay.
You'd better be careful,
Brian,
your baby sparrow's gonna
peck your eyes out.
No, no, she's just--
Save it, will you?
You didn't want to have
to confront her,
now you don't have to.
I hope you're happy.
Okay. Okay, fine.
I'll try it your way.
Ahem, listen, Shannon, uh,
I've got something
really important
I want to talk to you about.
I know you're in a rush,
but this is not gonna take--
Brian, please, not now.
My plane's about to board.
Whatever it is,
we'll talk about it next time.
When you get back is good.
But, you know, only because
you're about to board right now.
Otherwise, we'd be sitting
there right now--
We'd be talking about it.
Due to mechanical difficulties,
Flight 23 to New York
is temporarily delayed.
I heard about your plane, Roy.
I'm on it!
Well, it looks like
I have a few minutes.
What was it you wanted
to talk about?
I-it seems to me that...
All right, well,
it seems to them...
Actually, it seems to everybody
that every time you come into...
Every time you come
to the island,
we fall into a kind
of a pattern.
Take the other night,
for example.
I had the impression that
we had a relationship started.
So that's what this is about.
I sometimes forget
how you get carried away
with the slightest
little gesture.
Wait, wait.
Ges--? Ges--? Gesture?
That-- That gesture damned near
knocked me unconscious.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
It's my phone.
Excuse me.
Evacuating passengers, Roy!
Still much danger!
Uh, Lowell! Lowell! Lowell!
There was never anything
really wrong with the plane.
I was just stalling so I could
watch Hackett here suffer.
Oh.
Well, in that case, uh,
does anyone know how to get one
of those big,
inflatable emergency slides
back in the box?
You-- Oh!
Yes, sir.
I don't believe
what just happened.
What--? W-what's wrong?
You look-- You look pale.
The case that blew up?
The client's leaving the firm.
( sighs )
And they're blaming it on me.
Oh, but you--
Don't worry about that.
I mean, that stuff happens
all the time.
Right?
No, Brian,
you don't understand.
This is a major blow
to my career.
People don't forget about
this kind of thing.
But you're a great lawyer.
If anybody can bounce back,
you can.
Oh, I don't know.
I certainly don't feel like
going and facing those people
in New York now.
God, I feel awful.
Wait...do you still have
that reservation at the inn?
Yeah.
You could have it if you want.
No, I don't want
to be alone.
Why don't we go together?
It would really help me
forget about everything.
You're exactly
what I need right now.
Yeah.
Could you j-just--?
Just wait here one second, okay?
( clears throat )
Remember what you guys were
saying before
about Shannon using me?
Well, what she was just doing--
Is this sort of an example
of what you were talking about?
My God, doctor, the iceman's
head's starting to thaw.
Brian, look, I know this is
totally against your nature,
but try to show
a little character.
Just go over there
and j-just say no.
Whatever she says,
just say no.
HELEN:
God, this is exhausting.
Oh! Gee, I know.
We didn't work this hard
on our relationship.
I did.
Oh, yeah, I did too.
You know
what I've been thinking?
Why should we go to an inn
when my parents have that
great cottage at Sankety Point?
Oh.
It's so romantic.
Fireplace, four-poster bed,
hot tub on the deck.
Did I mention
that I've been studying
Japanese
sensual body massage?
What do you say?
Great!
I think
I can get some time off.
You know something?
Uh, I can't.
I can't do this.
Why?
Listen, it took me
a long time
to figure this out,
but I finally did
figure it out.
You've used me,
and this is the last time
I'm gonna let you do this.
Used you?
I don't use you, Brian.
I need you.
Oh, wh-what,
am I on this planet
solely to make
you feel better?
Is that it?
If you're not there
for me, Brian,
what am I gonna do?
Well, you've got that ticket.
Use it.
Fine.
Goodbye, Brian.
Yes, you did it!
Yeah!
Don't you feel great?
( sobbing ):
No!
No, I do! I do!
I feel great!
HELEN:
There you go.
I'm in control.
Ah!
Boy, you know, I feel like going
out into the wilderness
and stalking some
reasonably-threatening animal.
Let me-- Let me tell you
one other thing.
Boy, uh,
I've learned my lesson.
No woman is ever gonna use me
like that again.
No, not this boy.
Never!
All right.
Way to go.
Whoo!
( mellow theme playing )
( rings )
ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hi. This is Shannon.
Please leave a message
at the beep.
( beeps )
Shannon, it's Brian.
Uh, please disregard everything
I said at the airport.
I really don't know
what I was thinking.
But at the moment, all I'm
thinking about is that massage.
Call me back...please.
( upbeat piano theme playing )