Wings (1990–1997): Season 4, Episode 9 - It May Have Happened One Night - full transcript
( upbeat piano theme playing )
( knock on door )
Oh, Joe.
Joe, we just got
the most delightful
letter.
Oh, great.
Let's hear it.
Uh...
"To whom it may concern,
"Sandpiper air
ought to be grounded.
"The whole operation stinks,
"from that bag of bolts
you call a plane
to your surly,
incompetent pilot."
That's you, Joe.
"My flight was
a total disaster."
E-excuse me, Fay.
"Delightful?"
Well, I'm
getting to that.
"The single saving grace
of this miserable experience
"was the woman
behind the counter,
"who was friendly, polite
and sympathetic."
Well, it's a pity
more people
don't take the time
to write.
( upbeat theme playing )
( thudding, glass breaking )
What is that?
ROY:
Damn you. Get out of here
and leave me alone.
Oh, uh, it almost sounds
as if Roy is being mugged.
Antonio, shouldn't
you do something?
( flatly ):
Hey, you, mugger.
Leave our friend Roy alone.
( door opens )
( door closes, Roy sighs )
Are you all right?
No, I'm not all right.
There is a cricket
in my office.
It's driving me crazy.
You know, I can
catch it for you.
Just make him go away.
All right.
Give me 24 hours
and you'll have your man.
Although I won't know
that for sure
until I catch it
and turn it upside down.
I used to go out with
a man who could make
the most realistic
cricket sound.
Why would he want
to do that?
Oh, he didn't mean to.
He carried all of his weight
in his thighs,
and his legs rubbed together
when he walked.
When he wore
corduroy pants,
you could barely
hear yourself think. Ha.
( upbeat theme playing )
( knock on door )
Yeah, come on in.
Alex.
Thought everyone
had gone home.
I just stopped by to see if you
might like to have a drink.
A drink?
Uh...yeah, sure.
Sure. What did you
have in mind?
The, uh, Club Car?
The Wharf Tavern?
Or...here's good too.
Thought
it might be.
You like whiskey?
Yeah.
Well, you won't after
you taste this whiskey.
Hey, ho, whoa--
Wah, choo.
What're you trying to do,
get me drunk?
No. I'm trying to
let you catch up.
I've been at this
for a while.
So...what do
you say, Ace?
Down the hatch?
Down the hatch.
Oh, yeah, that's
bad all right.
I guess this...muffin recipe
on the back of the bottle
should have been
a tip-off, huh?
So, uh...is there
some kind of occasion
that we're celebrating
here, or...?
No.
Got to admit this is
a little bit weird. I mean,
ever since you came
to this airport,
you've barely
given me the time of day.
It's 12:30.
Cheers.
All right.
Look. I needed to
talk to somebody.
I got a call from
my ex-boyfriend tonight.
Oh, it's...not gonna
freak you out if I sort of
turn into a girl
for a second here, is it?
No. No.
No, I'm just thrilled
it's possible.
Anyway, he and I lived
together down in Florida.
We broke up just before
I moved here.
He had this problem
making a commitment.
Well, he got
over it.
Tonight he told me
he's engaged.
Ouch.
Yeah. You have
no idea what
something like this
feels like.
Well, heh, actually--
I just wasn't what he wanted.
Yeah, I know just what--
He had certain qualities
he needed in a wife.
I didn't have them.
Well, this thing--
'Course he can't
come out and tell me.
No. He lets me waste four
years of my life.
You know--
Oh. Will you stop
trying to defend him?
I...
I am not trying
to defend him.
I was just gonna say
that, uh...I had
sort of a...
similar experience
myself.
See, I got left at the altar.
You're kidding.
Oh, that's not even
the best part.
She left me
for my own brother.
Please tell me
you have more than one brother.
Nope.
Ah, but Brian got his
in the end.
She left him
for some other guy too.
So you see, I do sort of
know what you're
going through.
Sucks, doesn't it?
I'll tell you now,
I used to actually sit
in front of the mirror
and ask myself why
I couldn't be more the way
she wanted me to be,
you know,
and not so career-oriented,
not so anal.
But...
then again,
I'd usually end up
Windexing off
the mirror, so...
Mm.
You are kind of compulsive,
aren't you?
Well, actually
I'm getting way better.
Although, for
the last five minutes
I've really
wanted to do this:
( sighs )
( laughs )
Hm-hm. What?
You're laughing, I guess you
must be feeling a bit better.
I am. Thanks.
You know...this is nice.
I was a little nervous
about coming down here tonight.
Well...
I'm glad you did.
At least it gave me a chance
to show you that I'm not just
this...crass, immature
idiot that's been
chasing around after you
all the time.
Well, don't
kid yourself.
Haven't exactly
hated the attention.
Well, don't kid yourself.
It's not exactly like
I'm gonna stop.
So, uh, I guess we should
finish these, huh?
Oh, wait.
What--? What are you doing?
Hey...
S--
What'd you
do that for?
Because you're
driving.
I am?
I'm certainly
in no condition.
Uh, well, do you mind
if I ask where we're going?
My place.
Come on.
( upbeat theme playing )
( upbeat theme playing )
( cricket chirping )
Whoa.
What is all this?
Oh, I'm clearing out
Roy's office.
He asked me to catch
a cricket for him.
Wow. I can't believe
all this garbage
came out of
Roy's office.
Oh. Oh. Look at this.
Autographed picture
of Nixon.
( giggles )
Hm. It's for you.
Oh. Here we go.
Catalog of brides
from the Far East.
What is all this?
Oh, that's Roy's
unfinished novel:
Love at 30,000 Feet.
Personally, I liked
his original title:
Ocupado.
Hey, Antonio.
Hey.
Good morning, Antonio.
Good morning.
You know...I must not
be paying attention.
I did not even realize
that Alex and Joe
were seeing each other.
Alex and Joe?
HELEN: What?
No-- No way.
No, she doesn't
even like him.
I've never
seen them together.
Well, last night I was
driving past the building
where Alex lives,
and I saw Joe's car
parked out front.
Wait, wait,
wait, wait.
Be-- Be--
Be very careful now.
Alex's building
on Old Post Road?
Yes. It was
about 1:30.
You sure it was Joe's car?
Black Jeep, wood trim.
Little dent in the fender
I haven't told him about yet?
Yes, I'm positive.
Well, wait. Did you actually
see something?
No, well, I--
I looked up at the window,
but the shades were drawn.
I-I suppose
he could have been
visiting
someone else.
Lots of people
live in that building.
Oh, that's right. My friend
Nattie Stewart, for one.
Thanks. But I seriously doubt
that Joe would be out
in the middle of the night
visiting a-- An arthritic
70-year-old Hungarian woman.
Don't let the arthritis
fool you.
Hey, there.
How are you feeling
this morning?
ALEX:
Like you let me drink
too much last night.
But I had
a good time.
Good. Me too.
I'm glad.
I'll see you, Joe.
I'll see you later.
Did you hear that?
Did you hear what
she called him?
She called
him Joe. Okay?
As long as Alex
has been in Nantucket,
she's only referred
to him as Ace,
but this time
she called him Joe.
We have our smoking gun.
Excuse me. I'm gonna go
find out what happened.
( sighs )
All right.
( exhales )
Tell me what happened
with you and Alex
last night.
How did you know
I was with Alex?
Oh, everybody
knows.
Antonio saw
your car
parked out in front of
her building
at 1:30 in the morning,
I just heard her call you Joe.
Don't tell me
nothing happened.
Everybody in the airport's
talking about it.
( scoffs )
The whole airport?
Oh, man, is this island
every ripe for a Cineplex.
Hey, hey. Look at me.
Just tell me.
Tell me what happened.
Tell me.
All right,
if it's that important
to you, I will tell you.
All right.
Late last night she shows up
here with a bottle of whiskey,
asked me if
I wanted a drink.
Okay. Think I'm having
a heart attack.
So I said sure, and...
And, apparently,
her ex-boyfriend, uh,
had just gotten engaged,
she was feeling kind of rotten,
wanted someone to
cheer her up, so...
I'm having a stroke too.
It's my own fault.
Then she got kind of
tired and asked me
if I would drive her home...
Yeah.
...which...I did.
And...?
( scoffs )
What "and"?
And what
happened then?
You know, there's no point
in even talking to you,
because no matter what,
you won't believe me.
Oh, now, listen,
hey, Joe.
You're
my brother, okay?
Anything you tell me,
I'll take your word for it.
All right. Fine.
Tsk.
I slept with her.
Liar.
Okay.
I didn't sleep with her.
Liar.
Fine. You wanna go back to
"I did sleep with her"?
Oh, you're doing this
to torture me.
Yeah, basically.
Oh, Joe.
Watch it. Uh, uh--
Only Alex calls me that.
Watch out.
Oh, this you are
not gonna believe.
What? What?
Okay?
Joe won't tell me what happened
between him and Alex
last night, okay?
So he did see her.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Apparently she dropped by here
with some sob story
about her ex-boyfriend,
huh?
Had a couple of drinks,
then went back to her place.
I bet they did it.
Did what?
The wild thing.
Now, we're talking
about Joe here.
With him it's just "the thing."
This is embarrassing.
Oh, I'm sorry,
Fay.
We're all being
very crude.
Uh-- No, you're being vague.
I don't have any idea
what you're talking about.
Oh. Oh.
Here's Alex.
I want you to go
over to her.
Find out what
happened last night.
What, why would she
tell me?
Well, because she's a girl.
Girls like to sit and talk.
That's why there's always
a couch in the ladies' room.
Right? Go ahead.
Oh.
Hey, Alex.
Coffee?
Love some.
Well, that's a cute
outfit you have on.
Yeah? Thanks.
( laughs )
Oh, it's funny.
What is?
Oh, people around here.
What are you
talking about?
Well, ahem,
word is out
that, um, you and Joe
got together last night.
It is?
Yeah, but that's all
anybody really knows.
Now, that's a small
town for you.
Everybody in everybody else's
business.
Yeah.
Boy, and I only
tell you this
because...I feel like
we've gotten to be
such buddies.
We sure have.
So anything that you feel
like you need to say,
or unburden yourself,
just...say it.
That's great.
Day or night.
Uh-huh.
Boy, I'd be right here
for you.
So you're saying I could
tell you anything...
Oh.
...no matter how personal?
Absolutely.
Well...
okay.
Helen...
I've heard some people talking.
Yes.
And no one seems to like
what you're doing
with your hair.
( upbeat theme playing )
Oh, for God's
sake.
Lowell still hasn't caught
that cricket? Oh.
Lowell,
get out here!
Uh, now, Roy. You promised
to give him 24 hours.
That was before
my personal belongings
were strewn
all over the airport.
Oh-- Uh, about that. I hardly
think it's appropriate
for a man in your position
to even have a poster like that.
I mean, really, a woman
in a thong bikini
riding away on a unicycle.
Hey, it that was Paris, and she
was carrying a loaf of bread,
they'd call it art.
Oh, my-- What?
( coughing )
Well, it shouldn't
be long now.
( coughing ):
Lowell,
are you crazy?
What is that stuff?
That's a cricket intoxicant
I whipped up
in the garage this morning.
It's perfectly
harmless.
Although I did notice it put
a nice bend in the shovel I used
to stir it with.
Lowell,
I need my office.
Have patience, Roy.
Sweet science of
cricket hunting takes time.
Eventually, the better mind
will prevail.
Eh-- Jeez, did I leave
my soda in there?
I've never wanted
something dead so much
in my entire life.
Oh, he'll get
the cricket, Roy.
Oh, yeah, the cricket.
Heh-heh.
( plane flies overhead )
Damn it!
Mm.
Something wrong,
Brian?
( sighs )
Yes. Yes,
there is.
I didn't see this fork
sitting here.
It's just this-- This
whole thing with Joe and Alex
has got me crazy.
I-- I can't eat,
I can't sleep.
I've gotta find out
what happened.
We-- Well, I called
my friend Nattie
who lives in Alex's house.
And--? And
what'd she say?
Nothing.
She died last July.
You miss
one seniors' meeting,
and you're totally
out of the loop.
Antonio. Antonio, did you
find anything out?
Okay, okay.
I spoke to
the other cabbies.
Okay.
Joe's Jeep was placed
outside Alex's building
no earlier than midnight
and no later than 2:30.
Footprints
leading to the car
indicate he must have left
between 2 and 4
because they were filled
with rainwater...
which leads me to
the inescapable conclusion
that I have got to
get a life.
You know,
this is ridiculous.
We are not
children.
If you want the answer
to a question...
( claps once )
...you ask it.
Was your hair different
this morning?
Mind your own
business.
( cheerily ):
Hey, Joe.
Wow, it's a beautiful
day today, isn't it?
( laughs )
Oh, Joe, Joe, Joe.
( taps nails )
So tell me...
how long have
we been friends?
I won't tell you what happened.
I gave it a shot.
( upbeat theme playing )
( upbeat theme playing )
( sighs )
So did you get it?
As promised, Roy.
Oh, my gosh.
It's all
back to normal.
( pats on back )
Ohh.
And it's quiet
again.
Lowell, how did
you do it?
Well, the gas I used
was just strong enough
to be disorienting.
But when I came to
and realized where I was...
well, catching the cricket
was child's play.
Here, have a look.
Oh, oh, oh.
No, it's okay, Roy.
Cricket is
still sedated.
You didn't kill him?
I can't very well
perform my experiments
on a dead cricket,
can I?
Oh, he's moving.
Shut the box.
Shut the box.
( cricket chirps )
Wow. Right
back into your office.
Damn it, Lowell.
Didn't you know
that was gonna happen?
Actually, no.
You don't often see
that kind of leg power
in a pregnant female.
( cricket chirping )
( upbeat theme playing )
Knock, knock.
Alex, hi.
Wow, this is two nights
in a row for us.
Jeez, I hope people don't
start talking about us.
Huh. Oh. And it is--
It's pretty funny, isn't it?
This entire airport
is obsessed
with the same stupid
little thing.
Yeah. Unraveling
the big mystery. Ha-ha-ha!
Yeah. Did they
or didn't they?
( both chuckling )
( sighs )
So did we or didn't we?
( laughing )
What?
Come on, you heard me.
Wha--? Wait.
Are you kidding?
Oh. Gee, I--
I thought last night
was a...pretty
memorable evening.
Look, I never
drink like that.
So...y--
You don't remember
anything from last night?
Well, I remember parts.
It's...the end
that's a little hazy.
Oh, wow. I can't
believe this.
Uh, this entire airport
has been dying to know
this one little piece
of information.
I'm the only one
that has it.
I feel like Yoda.
Why don't you just
tell me what happened?
Yeah, well,
I suppose I could.
but, uh...
then this would be over,
and...to tell you the truth,
I'm kind of enjoying it.
( chuckles )
Fine. I basically know
what happened anyway.
You drove me home.
I must have
gone inside
and fallen
straight asleep.
Yeah,
you're right...
basically.
You know what?
You know that photo
you have on the mantle?
Y-- It's nice. You look
very hot in your flight suit.
Okay. So you were
in my living room.
You probably walked me
to the door.
Yeah, that's
what happened...
basically.
You know the four-poster
bed you have?
That's really nice.
I've always wanted one of those.
All right.
You probably
looked down my hall
and saw my bedroom.
Well...that
explains it.
'Course, uh...
it doesn't explain
how I would know
that you keep scented
pillows on your bed.
I got work to do.
( inaudible dialogue )
Look, Joe, Satan,
whatever your name is.
This is getting old.
Why don't you just tell me?
Well, uh...
I guess it's because
you want me to.
You know, since you set foot
on this island,
you have had the upper hand.
You knew I was
interested in you,
and you spun me like a top.
Well, now...
( chuckles )
...all of a sudden,
I am in charge.
Yeah, that's right.
That's right. I am
in the driver's seat now.
( imitates motor )
I guess it never
occurred to you
that I might be interested
in you too.
What?
Well, didn't
you think that
there might be
other reasons
I've been cold
to you?
Well...like what?
Well...
like I was afraid.
I was new in town. I'd
just broken up with someone.
I was vulnerable.
Then this...
great-looking,
sexy guy presents
himself to me.
Sure, I was turned on.
It was all I could do
not to...give in
to the incredible
desire I felt.
But if I did--
Alex-- Alex, just so
I'm clear on this, uh,
you are seducing me now
so you can find out
if I seduced you last night,
is that right?
Oh, all right!
If you wanna be a pig
about this, go ahead.
But just remember one thing:
when I was hurt,
I came to you.
I thought, here's
someone I can trust,
really open myself up to.
Obviously,
I made a mistake.
( sighs )
You weren't even going to
come after me?
Nope.
All right, Ace, you win.
I know when I've been licked.
Oh, so last night
is coming back to you?
I'm out of here.
All right, all right.
Wait, hold on.
I'll tell you. Come here.
Come on.
Sit down.
Okay.
We went back to
your place,
and you asked me in,
and we talked, and it was
actually really very nice.
And then
eventually
you fell asleep
on my shoulder.
So I picked you up
and, uh, took you
in your bedroom
and then I left.
Thanks.
I guess you're not
such a jerk.
Sorry to
disappoint you.
Well, I better
be going.
One more thing
I don't remember
about
last night.
Did I give you
a good-night kiss?
No.
That was nice.
Guess who's
driving now?
( imitates motor )
( upbeat theme playing )
( upbeat piano theme playing )
( knock on door )
Oh, Joe.
Joe, we just got
the most delightful
letter.
Oh, great.
Let's hear it.
Uh...
"To whom it may concern,
"Sandpiper air
ought to be grounded.
"The whole operation stinks,
"from that bag of bolts
you call a plane
to your surly,
incompetent pilot."
That's you, Joe.
"My flight was
a total disaster."
E-excuse me, Fay.
"Delightful?"
Well, I'm
getting to that.
"The single saving grace
of this miserable experience
"was the woman
behind the counter,
"who was friendly, polite
and sympathetic."
Well, it's a pity
more people
don't take the time
to write.
( upbeat theme playing )
( thudding, glass breaking )
What is that?
ROY:
Damn you. Get out of here
and leave me alone.
Oh, uh, it almost sounds
as if Roy is being mugged.
Antonio, shouldn't
you do something?
( flatly ):
Hey, you, mugger.
Leave our friend Roy alone.
( door opens )
( door closes, Roy sighs )
Are you all right?
No, I'm not all right.
There is a cricket
in my office.
It's driving me crazy.
You know, I can
catch it for you.
Just make him go away.
All right.
Give me 24 hours
and you'll have your man.
Although I won't know
that for sure
until I catch it
and turn it upside down.
I used to go out with
a man who could make
the most realistic
cricket sound.
Why would he want
to do that?
Oh, he didn't mean to.
He carried all of his weight
in his thighs,
and his legs rubbed together
when he walked.
When he wore
corduroy pants,
you could barely
hear yourself think. Ha.
( upbeat theme playing )
( knock on door )
Yeah, come on in.
Alex.
Thought everyone
had gone home.
I just stopped by to see if you
might like to have a drink.
A drink?
Uh...yeah, sure.
Sure. What did you
have in mind?
The, uh, Club Car?
The Wharf Tavern?
Or...here's good too.
Thought
it might be.
You like whiskey?
Yeah.
Well, you won't after
you taste this whiskey.
Hey, ho, whoa--
Wah, choo.
What're you trying to do,
get me drunk?
No. I'm trying to
let you catch up.
I've been at this
for a while.
So...what do
you say, Ace?
Down the hatch?
Down the hatch.
Oh, yeah, that's
bad all right.
I guess this...muffin recipe
on the back of the bottle
should have been
a tip-off, huh?
So, uh...is there
some kind of occasion
that we're celebrating
here, or...?
No.
Got to admit this is
a little bit weird. I mean,
ever since you came
to this airport,
you've barely
given me the time of day.
It's 12:30.
Cheers.
All right.
Look. I needed to
talk to somebody.
I got a call from
my ex-boyfriend tonight.
Oh, it's...not gonna
freak you out if I sort of
turn into a girl
for a second here, is it?
No. No.
No, I'm just thrilled
it's possible.
Anyway, he and I lived
together down in Florida.
We broke up just before
I moved here.
He had this problem
making a commitment.
Well, he got
over it.
Tonight he told me
he's engaged.
Ouch.
Yeah. You have
no idea what
something like this
feels like.
Well, heh, actually--
I just wasn't what he wanted.
Yeah, I know just what--
He had certain qualities
he needed in a wife.
I didn't have them.
Well, this thing--
'Course he can't
come out and tell me.
No. He lets me waste four
years of my life.
You know--
Oh. Will you stop
trying to defend him?
I...
I am not trying
to defend him.
I was just gonna say
that, uh...I had
sort of a...
similar experience
myself.
See, I got left at the altar.
You're kidding.
Oh, that's not even
the best part.
She left me
for my own brother.
Please tell me
you have more than one brother.
Nope.
Ah, but Brian got his
in the end.
She left him
for some other guy too.
So you see, I do sort of
know what you're
going through.
Sucks, doesn't it?
I'll tell you now,
I used to actually sit
in front of the mirror
and ask myself why
I couldn't be more the way
she wanted me to be,
you know,
and not so career-oriented,
not so anal.
But...
then again,
I'd usually end up
Windexing off
the mirror, so...
Mm.
You are kind of compulsive,
aren't you?
Well, actually
I'm getting way better.
Although, for
the last five minutes
I've really
wanted to do this:
( sighs )
( laughs )
Hm-hm. What?
You're laughing, I guess you
must be feeling a bit better.
I am. Thanks.
You know...this is nice.
I was a little nervous
about coming down here tonight.
Well...
I'm glad you did.
At least it gave me a chance
to show you that I'm not just
this...crass, immature
idiot that's been
chasing around after you
all the time.
Well, don't
kid yourself.
Haven't exactly
hated the attention.
Well, don't kid yourself.
It's not exactly like
I'm gonna stop.
So, uh, I guess we should
finish these, huh?
Oh, wait.
What--? What are you doing?
Hey...
S--
What'd you
do that for?
Because you're
driving.
I am?
I'm certainly
in no condition.
Uh, well, do you mind
if I ask where we're going?
My place.
Come on.
( upbeat theme playing )
( upbeat theme playing )
( cricket chirping )
Whoa.
What is all this?
Oh, I'm clearing out
Roy's office.
He asked me to catch
a cricket for him.
Wow. I can't believe
all this garbage
came out of
Roy's office.
Oh. Oh. Look at this.
Autographed picture
of Nixon.
( giggles )
Hm. It's for you.
Oh. Here we go.
Catalog of brides
from the Far East.
What is all this?
Oh, that's Roy's
unfinished novel:
Love at 30,000 Feet.
Personally, I liked
his original title:
Ocupado.
Hey, Antonio.
Hey.
Good morning, Antonio.
Good morning.
You know...I must not
be paying attention.
I did not even realize
that Alex and Joe
were seeing each other.
Alex and Joe?
HELEN: What?
No-- No way.
No, she doesn't
even like him.
I've never
seen them together.
Well, last night I was
driving past the building
where Alex lives,
and I saw Joe's car
parked out front.
Wait, wait,
wait, wait.
Be-- Be--
Be very careful now.
Alex's building
on Old Post Road?
Yes. It was
about 1:30.
You sure it was Joe's car?
Black Jeep, wood trim.
Little dent in the fender
I haven't told him about yet?
Yes, I'm positive.
Well, wait. Did you actually
see something?
No, well, I--
I looked up at the window,
but the shades were drawn.
I-I suppose
he could have been
visiting
someone else.
Lots of people
live in that building.
Oh, that's right. My friend
Nattie Stewart, for one.
Thanks. But I seriously doubt
that Joe would be out
in the middle of the night
visiting a-- An arthritic
70-year-old Hungarian woman.
Don't let the arthritis
fool you.
Hey, there.
How are you feeling
this morning?
ALEX:
Like you let me drink
too much last night.
But I had
a good time.
Good. Me too.
I'm glad.
I'll see you, Joe.
I'll see you later.
Did you hear that?
Did you hear what
she called him?
She called
him Joe. Okay?
As long as Alex
has been in Nantucket,
she's only referred
to him as Ace,
but this time
she called him Joe.
We have our smoking gun.
Excuse me. I'm gonna go
find out what happened.
( sighs )
All right.
( exhales )
Tell me what happened
with you and Alex
last night.
How did you know
I was with Alex?
Oh, everybody
knows.
Antonio saw
your car
parked out in front of
her building
at 1:30 in the morning,
I just heard her call you Joe.
Don't tell me
nothing happened.
Everybody in the airport's
talking about it.
( scoffs )
The whole airport?
Oh, man, is this island
every ripe for a Cineplex.
Hey, hey. Look at me.
Just tell me.
Tell me what happened.
Tell me.
All right,
if it's that important
to you, I will tell you.
All right.
Late last night she shows up
here with a bottle of whiskey,
asked me if
I wanted a drink.
Okay. Think I'm having
a heart attack.
So I said sure, and...
And, apparently,
her ex-boyfriend, uh,
had just gotten engaged,
she was feeling kind of rotten,
wanted someone to
cheer her up, so...
I'm having a stroke too.
It's my own fault.
Then she got kind of
tired and asked me
if I would drive her home...
Yeah.
...which...I did.
And...?
( scoffs )
What "and"?
And what
happened then?
You know, there's no point
in even talking to you,
because no matter what,
you won't believe me.
Oh, now, listen,
hey, Joe.
You're
my brother, okay?
Anything you tell me,
I'll take your word for it.
All right. Fine.
Tsk.
I slept with her.
Liar.
Okay.
I didn't sleep with her.
Liar.
Fine. You wanna go back to
"I did sleep with her"?
Oh, you're doing this
to torture me.
Yeah, basically.
Oh, Joe.
Watch it. Uh, uh--
Only Alex calls me that.
Watch out.
Oh, this you are
not gonna believe.
What? What?
Okay?
Joe won't tell me what happened
between him and Alex
last night, okay?
So he did see her.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Apparently she dropped by here
with some sob story
about her ex-boyfriend,
huh?
Had a couple of drinks,
then went back to her place.
I bet they did it.
Did what?
The wild thing.
Now, we're talking
about Joe here.
With him it's just "the thing."
This is embarrassing.
Oh, I'm sorry,
Fay.
We're all being
very crude.
Uh-- No, you're being vague.
I don't have any idea
what you're talking about.
Oh. Oh.
Here's Alex.
I want you to go
over to her.
Find out what
happened last night.
What, why would she
tell me?
Well, because she's a girl.
Girls like to sit and talk.
That's why there's always
a couch in the ladies' room.
Right? Go ahead.
Oh.
Hey, Alex.
Coffee?
Love some.
Well, that's a cute
outfit you have on.
Yeah? Thanks.
( laughs )
Oh, it's funny.
What is?
Oh, people around here.
What are you
talking about?
Well, ahem,
word is out
that, um, you and Joe
got together last night.
It is?
Yeah, but that's all
anybody really knows.
Now, that's a small
town for you.
Everybody in everybody else's
business.
Yeah.
Boy, and I only
tell you this
because...I feel like
we've gotten to be
such buddies.
We sure have.
So anything that you feel
like you need to say,
or unburden yourself,
just...say it.
That's great.
Day or night.
Uh-huh.
Boy, I'd be right here
for you.
So you're saying I could
tell you anything...
Oh.
...no matter how personal?
Absolutely.
Well...
okay.
Helen...
I've heard some people talking.
Yes.
And no one seems to like
what you're doing
with your hair.
( upbeat theme playing )
Oh, for God's
sake.
Lowell still hasn't caught
that cricket? Oh.
Lowell,
get out here!
Uh, now, Roy. You promised
to give him 24 hours.
That was before
my personal belongings
were strewn
all over the airport.
Oh-- Uh, about that. I hardly
think it's appropriate
for a man in your position
to even have a poster like that.
I mean, really, a woman
in a thong bikini
riding away on a unicycle.
Hey, it that was Paris, and she
was carrying a loaf of bread,
they'd call it art.
Oh, my-- What?
( coughing )
Well, it shouldn't
be long now.
( coughing ):
Lowell,
are you crazy?
What is that stuff?
That's a cricket intoxicant
I whipped up
in the garage this morning.
It's perfectly
harmless.
Although I did notice it put
a nice bend in the shovel I used
to stir it with.
Lowell,
I need my office.
Have patience, Roy.
Sweet science of
cricket hunting takes time.
Eventually, the better mind
will prevail.
Eh-- Jeez, did I leave
my soda in there?
I've never wanted
something dead so much
in my entire life.
Oh, he'll get
the cricket, Roy.
Oh, yeah, the cricket.
Heh-heh.
( plane flies overhead )
Damn it!
Mm.
Something wrong,
Brian?
( sighs )
Yes. Yes,
there is.
I didn't see this fork
sitting here.
It's just this-- This
whole thing with Joe and Alex
has got me crazy.
I-- I can't eat,
I can't sleep.
I've gotta find out
what happened.
We-- Well, I called
my friend Nattie
who lives in Alex's house.
And--? And
what'd she say?
Nothing.
She died last July.
You miss
one seniors' meeting,
and you're totally
out of the loop.
Antonio. Antonio, did you
find anything out?
Okay, okay.
I spoke to
the other cabbies.
Okay.
Joe's Jeep was placed
outside Alex's building
no earlier than midnight
and no later than 2:30.
Footprints
leading to the car
indicate he must have left
between 2 and 4
because they were filled
with rainwater...
which leads me to
the inescapable conclusion
that I have got to
get a life.
You know,
this is ridiculous.
We are not
children.
If you want the answer
to a question...
( claps once )
...you ask it.
Was your hair different
this morning?
Mind your own
business.
( cheerily ):
Hey, Joe.
Wow, it's a beautiful
day today, isn't it?
( laughs )
Oh, Joe, Joe, Joe.
( taps nails )
So tell me...
how long have
we been friends?
I won't tell you what happened.
I gave it a shot.
( upbeat theme playing )
( upbeat theme playing )
( sighs )
So did you get it?
As promised, Roy.
Oh, my gosh.
It's all
back to normal.
( pats on back )
Ohh.
And it's quiet
again.
Lowell, how did
you do it?
Well, the gas I used
was just strong enough
to be disorienting.
But when I came to
and realized where I was...
well, catching the cricket
was child's play.
Here, have a look.
Oh, oh, oh.
No, it's okay, Roy.
Cricket is
still sedated.
You didn't kill him?
I can't very well
perform my experiments
on a dead cricket,
can I?
Oh, he's moving.
Shut the box.
Shut the box.
( cricket chirps )
Wow. Right
back into your office.
Damn it, Lowell.
Didn't you know
that was gonna happen?
Actually, no.
You don't often see
that kind of leg power
in a pregnant female.
( cricket chirping )
( upbeat theme playing )
Knock, knock.
Alex, hi.
Wow, this is two nights
in a row for us.
Jeez, I hope people don't
start talking about us.
Huh. Oh. And it is--
It's pretty funny, isn't it?
This entire airport
is obsessed
with the same stupid
little thing.
Yeah. Unraveling
the big mystery. Ha-ha-ha!
Yeah. Did they
or didn't they?
( both chuckling )
( sighs )
So did we or didn't we?
( laughing )
What?
Come on, you heard me.
Wha--? Wait.
Are you kidding?
Oh. Gee, I--
I thought last night
was a...pretty
memorable evening.
Look, I never
drink like that.
So...y--
You don't remember
anything from last night?
Well, I remember parts.
It's...the end
that's a little hazy.
Oh, wow. I can't
believe this.
Uh, this entire airport
has been dying to know
this one little piece
of information.
I'm the only one
that has it.
I feel like Yoda.
Why don't you just
tell me what happened?
Yeah, well,
I suppose I could.
but, uh...
then this would be over,
and...to tell you the truth,
I'm kind of enjoying it.
( chuckles )
Fine. I basically know
what happened anyway.
You drove me home.
I must have
gone inside
and fallen
straight asleep.
Yeah,
you're right...
basically.
You know what?
You know that photo
you have on the mantle?
Y-- It's nice. You look
very hot in your flight suit.
Okay. So you were
in my living room.
You probably walked me
to the door.
Yeah, that's
what happened...
basically.
You know the four-poster
bed you have?
That's really nice.
I've always wanted one of those.
All right.
You probably
looked down my hall
and saw my bedroom.
Well...that
explains it.
'Course, uh...
it doesn't explain
how I would know
that you keep scented
pillows on your bed.
I got work to do.
( inaudible dialogue )
Look, Joe, Satan,
whatever your name is.
This is getting old.
Why don't you just tell me?
Well, uh...
I guess it's because
you want me to.
You know, since you set foot
on this island,
you have had the upper hand.
You knew I was
interested in you,
and you spun me like a top.
Well, now...
( chuckles )
...all of a sudden,
I am in charge.
Yeah, that's right.
That's right. I am
in the driver's seat now.
( imitates motor )
I guess it never
occurred to you
that I might be interested
in you too.
What?
Well, didn't
you think that
there might be
other reasons
I've been cold
to you?
Well...like what?
Well...
like I was afraid.
I was new in town. I'd
just broken up with someone.
I was vulnerable.
Then this...
great-looking,
sexy guy presents
himself to me.
Sure, I was turned on.
It was all I could do
not to...give in
to the incredible
desire I felt.
But if I did--
Alex-- Alex, just so
I'm clear on this, uh,
you are seducing me now
so you can find out
if I seduced you last night,
is that right?
Oh, all right!
If you wanna be a pig
about this, go ahead.
But just remember one thing:
when I was hurt,
I came to you.
I thought, here's
someone I can trust,
really open myself up to.
Obviously,
I made a mistake.
( sighs )
You weren't even going to
come after me?
Nope.
All right, Ace, you win.
I know when I've been licked.
Oh, so last night
is coming back to you?
I'm out of here.
All right, all right.
Wait, hold on.
I'll tell you. Come here.
Come on.
Sit down.
Okay.
We went back to
your place,
and you asked me in,
and we talked, and it was
actually really very nice.
And then
eventually
you fell asleep
on my shoulder.
So I picked you up
and, uh, took you
in your bedroom
and then I left.
Thanks.
I guess you're not
such a jerk.
Sorry to
disappoint you.
Well, I better
be going.
One more thing
I don't remember
about
last night.
Did I give you
a good-night kiss?
No.
That was nice.
Guess who's
driving now?
( imitates motor )
( upbeat theme playing )
( upbeat piano theme playing )