Wings (1990–1997): Season 4, Episode 5 - Mathers of the Heart - full transcript

( upbeat theme playing )

LOWELL:
Okay, Helen.

I think she's fixed. Uh...

you can go ahead
and turn on the stove.

Okay.

Okay.

All right. Give her--
Give her some gas.

Okay.
A little more.

All right.
A little more.

Okay.
A little bit more.

Okay.



( flames roar )
Whoa! Turn it off!

Oh, God!

It's off.

Well, she's as good as new.

Oh!

Oh, Lowell.
Are you all right?

Oh, yeah.

It takes more than a solid wall
of blue flame

to slow down
Lowell Mather.

Oh, here let me help you
with this.

No, that's okay.
No, really.

It's the least I can do.
No-- That's okay.

I can get it.
Whew.

That's for fixing my stove.



And that's for being so sweet,
Lowell.

Hey, Backdraft,
your hat's smokin'.

I was fixing Helen's stove.

Oh-ho. I thought you were trying
to remember where you live.

( upbeat theme playing )

( knock at door )

Joe, sorry to interrupt you.

Uh, can I talk to you
for a second?

Yeah, sure, Lowell.
Come on in.

Hey, Lowell, uh,

did you know that your hat
is smoldering?

Yes, I do.

Joe, I need to ask you
about something.

And Brian,
it's a little personal.

Ah, don't worry, Lowell.

There's nothing you can say
in front of Joe

that I won't have to explain
to him later.

Just what exactly
is that supposed to mean?

Shh. Later.
Later, Joe. Go head.

Joe, uh, when it comes
to you and Helen,

would you say there's any
of that romantic stuff

still going on?

No.

Okay, that's all I needed
to know.

See ya.
BRIAN: Lowell, wait. Whoa.

You weren't-- You weren't
thinking of asking Helen out

on a date, now,
were you, Lowell?

Uh, actually I wasn't.

But then her soft, moist lips
caressed my cheek,

and suddenly I realized
just how lonely I've been.

It was as if long-dead feelings
were suddenly awakened--

JOE:
Wait, back up, back up, back up.

Back up, Lowell.

Helen kissed you?

Twice.

Why on earth would...?

I-- I mean, why?

Couldn't help herself,
I guess.

Listen, Lowell.
Uh, listen, buddy.

You know, sometimes women
do things that are friendly,

and that's all they are,
is friendly.

Well, what exactly
are you saying, Joe?

That Helen wouldn't
be interested in going out

with someone like me?

( in high-pitched tone ):
No, no, no, no...

Joe, Joe, the voice.
( deepened tone ): ...no, no.

I'm not saying that at all.

Well, spit it out, man.
I'm not made of glass.

Though sometimes
I wish I were,

glass being an extremely poor
conductor of electricity.

Lowell,

I think what Joe
is saying here

is that nobody ever got anything
in this life

without sticking their neck
on the line.

So you go for it, big guy.
No, Brian--

Well, that's all
I needed to hear.

Here goes nothin'.

Now, why on earth
did you do that?

I'd better warn Helen.

( line rings )

Lunch counter.
Helen Chapel speaking.

How may I help...?
Yeah, yeah. Helen, listen.

It's Joe. Uh, listen...
Hold on.

Lowell's trying
to ask me something.

( inaudible )

( laughs )

Well, do you think
he asked her?

( Lowell screams )

Nice going, Brian.
Lowell's upset.

Helen's in a really
embarrassing position.

Got anything else planned
for today?

If I could just get Roy
to light that cigar I gave him,

then I'd say my work is done.

( explosion )

It's Miller time.

( upbeat theme playing )

Lowell.

Oh, hello there, Helen.

Uh, I've been looking
all over for you.

Are you okay?

Of course.

Why wouldn't I be okay?

Well, you seemed pretty upset

when you ran out
of the terminal.

Well, I haven't the slightest
idea what you're talking about.

Yes, you do.

Now, I don't think we can
just ignore what just happened.

Nothing happened,
you silly lady.

Okay. You're right.

I probably just imagined
the whole thing.

But just in case I didn't,

I want you to know
that I laughed

because you surprised me.

I mean, I didn't think
you were serious.

Well, an unnecessary apology,

but I accept.

Great, because I certainly
didn't mean to imply

that going out on a date
with you

would be something
to laugh at.

So...?

So...

I hope we can just
put this behind us.

And...?

And...

uh, it'll never happen again.

Meaning...?

Meaning?

Will you go out with me or not?

Um...

So you won't go out with me?

Well, no, Lowell,
I didn't say that.

So you will go out with me?

Well, no,
I didn't say that either.

Well, which is it?

You won't go out with me,
or you will go out with me?

Lowell, I just don't see
any reason why...

not.

Let's go out.

Whoa.

Well, that came outta nowhere.

We can, um, just go to dinner,
or something. Okay?

Okay. I'll pick you up at 8.

Tonight?

Why wait?

And, uh, you might wanna wear
something black.

Oh, listen, you know,

we don't have to go
anywhere fancy.

Well, we're not.

It's just that there's
a big grease stain

on the seat of my truck.

( upbeat theme playing )

( upbeat theme playing )

What are you looking at, Roy?

You know, Fay,

you really are
quite a handsome woman.

Just how many martinis
did you have at lunch today?

Three. Why?

I can always tell when Roy's
had lunch at the Elks Club.

Perhaps you should just accept
Roy's compliment for what it is.

After all,

you do look particularly
appealing this afternoon.

And where did you eat lunch?

I was Roy's guest.

Uh, I think I'd better take
the keys to your cab.

Here you go.

I think I'll take a little nap
in the hangar.

You hot number, you.

Hey, guys.
BOTH: Hey, Helen.

So, uh, how'd your date go
with Lowell last night?

( snickering ):
We would have asked him,

but we haven't seen him yet
this morning.

( both snicker )

You don't have him handcuffed
to the bedpost, do you?

( both laugh )

Is he your love slave now?

Ha, ha, ha.

( both snickering )

HELEN:
Okay, if it'll shut you two up,

I'll tell you how it went.

Lowell and I
had a really nice time.

( both cackle )

Wait. That's not funny.

You could have knocked me over
with a feather,

but it's true.

All right, okay. Okay.

Let me just, uh,
ask you two questions:

Where did he take you to eat?

( chuckling ):
And did he order a Happy Meal?

Actually, he took me
to the Sea Shanty

down on Little Neck Road.

And then--
Wait a second, okay.

Sea Shanty, dinner, fine.

What happened at the door?

Well, after dinner,
we took a walk down the beach

and we came across
these little tide pools.

There were little turtles,
sea urchins, a whole microcosm--

Yeah, yeah, turtles,
sea urchins, tide pools, great.

Now, what happened at the door?
At the door?

You wanna know what happened at
the door? I'll tell you.

He kissed my hand.

Where was your hand?
Whoa! Check, please.

Oh, like you weren't thinking
the same thing, okay? Come on.

All right, okay. So, what are
you saying?

Are you saying that you would
go out with him again?

Yeah.

If he asked me I would.

Go out with Lowell?
Yes.

You and Lowell,
I-I cannot imagine

a weirder couple than that.

( hooting, laughing)

ROY:
Stop it! Stop it.

( both giggling, yelling )

( giggling ):
Stop it!

Oh, my God.

I hope they've
been drinking.

( upbeat theme playing )

Hey, Joe.
Here's the service log.

It's all up-to-date now.
Oh, great. Thanks, Lowell.

W-w-wait.
Not so fast there, young man.

I believe, uh, you had a date
last night.

Oh, yeah. That's right.

Tell us about your evening
with Helen, huh?

My date?
BRIAN & JOE: Yeah.

Well, if you guys
can keep a secret,

I'll, uh--

I'll sum up my date
with Helen in two words:

Bore-ring.

You're kidding.

Oh, I wish I were.

All through dinner she just kept
chattering on and on

about people in the news
and world events and music.

I mean, excuse me, there's
a reason they put PBS

on the channels nobody watches.

Anyway, after two hours
of her nonstop yakking,

I figured, the only way I was
gonna salvage the evening

was to take her out
to the sewage plant,

a place where you just
can't help but have a good time.

But she gets sidetracked
by these tide pools.

And she's going on and on
about sea urchins

and the meaning of life.

I mean, didn't we all sleep
through that lecture

in high school?

You guys haven't seen Helen
around today, have you?

Well, she was at her counter
before.

Looks like she's gone now.

I'd better get out there
and get something to eat

before the human yawn
shows up.

Afternoon, Lowell. How are you?

Hey, Lowell.

Huh?
Where you been all day?

Uh, hiding...?
I-I wasn't hiding.

Can't a guy do his job
without being accused of hiding?

I didn't say anything
about hiding.

I just haven't seen you
and I wanted to say

I had a really nice time
last night.

So did I.
Good.

Well, enough about me.

I'm gonna get back
to the old salt lick.

Mine.

What?
Salt mine.

Saw your what?

Forget it, Lowell.

Huh. Good, because I gotta
get back to the old salt lick.

Listen, Lowell,

uh, there's a show opening this
Saturday at the Waldman Gallery.

And I thought maybe
you'd like to go.

Saturday?
Uh-huh.

Oh, Saturday.

Saturday.

Saturday...

Ooh. Satur--

Saturday.

Saturday...

Saturday.
Lowell.

You didn't answer my question.
You wanna go?

Well, what day was that again?

Saturday.

Right, right.

Saturday. Saturday...

Lowell!

Uh, fine.
I-I'll see you on Saturday.

Okay, great.
Okay.

Darn. Why'd she have
to ask me out on Saturday?

There's another reason
I wish I was Jewish.

( upbeat theme playing )

And you guarantee
it's gonna be at my house

in 30 minutes, or it's free?

Uh-huh.

I'm settin' my watch.

Bye.

Outta the way, Cochran.

What's the hurry, Roy?
I just ordered a pizza.

If I don't get in front of that
delivery guy and slow him down,

I gotta pay for it.
Move it or lose it.

And women complain
all the good men are taken.

Lowell, aren't you going
to be late

for your evening with Helen?

Well, actually I--
I need a little advice.

Please, bend my ear.

It was a figure of speech.

What's the problem?

Well, you see,
when Helen asked me out,

I-- I wanted to tell her "no."

But I couldn't.

Now I'm afraid that this is just
gonna go on and on.

I mean, we'll get engaged
and married

and have a whole mess
of kids

and they'll go off to college.

Next thing you know, it'll be
our 40th wedding anniversary.

If I tell her I don't wanna
date her then,

it'll really sound stupid.

You know, uh, there is a way
to deliver, uh, unpleasant news

without offending.

For example,
when I was a waiter,

a gentleman wanted
to send back a steak.

He told me, "Please understand
I am very, very picky.

"This is a beautiful piece
of meat.

"It is well marbled.

"It-- It does not have
too much, uh, fat.

But it is not done
to my liking."

And I was more than happy
to oblige.

Because he was so nice to you?

That and because I knew Antonio
would be dining well that night.

But, uh,
back to your problem.

Uh, the most important thing
is for you to remind Helen

what a wonderful human being
she is,

and that while she is
a fragrant flower,

sadly, you will not be the one
to pick her.

Pick her what?

Good luck.

( upbeat theme playing )

( indistinct chatter )

Isn't this just amazing?

Oh, amazing.

It's elegant.
Mm-hm.

I'm particularly impressed
with the artist's handling

of the medium's natural
inconsistencies,

not to mention
the delicate brushwork.

I can't believe you got that

off of one quick look
at this painting.

Painting?

Oh, I thought we were talking
about the wall.

( laughs )

See, that's what I love
about you. You are so funny.

( mouths ):
Funny?

Listen, Helen, uh,

I was thinking about our date
the other night...

Oh, so was I.
You know, Lowell,

it's the most refreshing evening
I've had in a long time.

Well, that's probably because
we were standing upwind

of the sewage plant.
( chuckles ): Pfft!

See what I mean?
You just kill me.

But Helen, uh, getting back
to our date the other night.

You know, I had a good time--
Oh, oh, listen, before I forget.

Fay came in the other morning

raving about the botanical
gardens in Hyannis.

So I thought maybe,
uh, if you want to,

we could go check it out
together.

I'm gonna take Thursday off,
so, uh, are you interested?

Thursday?
Uh-huh.

Thursday...

Thursday, uh, no--

No, I'm varnishing my boat
on Thursday.

Oh, okay.

Well, I'm taking it off anyway.
You need a hand?

No-- No, no.

Varnishing a boat, uh,
it's a one-man job.

That's like my grandfather
always used to say:

"Varnishing a boat,
it's a one-man job."

But-- But you know,
it's your day off.

I mean, y-you
shouldn't be working.

You should be out
having fun.

You know, riding a bike or, uh--
Uh, flying a kite,

or, uh, planning a picnic.

Ooh, a picnic.

I haven't been
on a picnic in ages.

Why don't we plan one
for next weekend?

Picnic?

Uh...

Um, Helen--

You know what I love
about abstract art?

It lets you get in touch
with your own emotions.

Like this painting.
What do you see?

I see a man
trapped in a small room.

Hm.
Uh...

H-H-He-- He's lost all
of his freedom.

His world
is closing in on him.

But the-- He's choking.
He's gasping.

Uh, there's no escape.
He's--

Uh, Lowell, uh, I--
I think you're reading

a little too much
into this one.

Pardon me.

I couldn't help overhearing
what you just said.

While I hadn't intended
to depict claustrophobia

in my painting,

it is gratifying
to see someone responding

to the pure visceral impact
of my work.

Thank you.

Hey! How about that?

Boy I sure am glad I didn't say
the other thing I was thinking.

What's that?

Neat colors.
( laughs )

What am I, Henny Youngman?

Listen, Helen, uh, before
we look at another painting,

there-- There's really something
that I need to tell you

and-- And it's not
gonna be easy.

Uh, however, I'm not so sure
it won't be funny.

Lowell, we're friends.

If you have something to say,
just say it.

Great, great.

I'm just gonna come
right out with it then.

Helen, you're a beautiful
piece of meat.

You're tender, well aged,
excellently marbled,

but, uh, just a little too fatty
for my taste.

Lowell, are you dumping me?

Uh, you know, uh, that word
has different meanings

to different people.

Uh, I don't think of a dump
as a bad place.

It's a place where--
Where friends can gather.

Uh, have a beer or two.
Shoot a rat, possibly.

It-- It's not necessarily
negative.

Yes, I'm dumping you.

Well, okay.

I mean, basically
we've just gone to dinner

and an art gallery

so it's not like a big
relationship is crumbling.

But I-I gotta admit,
I'm curious. Why?

Well, it all comes down
to this.

You're botanical gardens,
and I'm a sewage plant.

You're a picnic.
I'm a tractor pull.

You're classical music.
I'm...another tractor pull.

You're...

Yeah, Lowell, that's enough.
I-- I understand.

It's okay.

All right.

Oh, Helen.

Uh, just outta curiosity,

um, i-if we hadn't
split up today,

do you think that I would have
had a chance with you,

you know, later on tonight?

No way.

Well, I don't know about you,

but I'm feeling better about
this breakup already.

( upbeat theme playing )

Helen?

Joe, what are you doin' here?

Uh, I was out working
in the hangar,

putting Armor All
on the landing gear.

You were putting Armor All
on plane wheels?

Oh, it looks nice, okay?

Wh-What are you
doing here?

Well, I was on my way home,

and then I remembered
a lemon meringue pie

was just delivered here
this morning.

So...

Then why are you eating
chocolate frosting?

'Cause the raspberry tart
I ate after the pie

left a bitter taste
in my mouth.

Oh, Helen, Helen.
I know you.

You only eat like this

when something's really
bothering you.

Oh, Joe, as if my life
weren't pathetic enough,

I've been dumped...

by Lowell.

( chuckles ):
Really?

I-- I mean, I'm--
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You know, I knew it wasn't
gonna amount to anything.

I was just having a good time.

But being dumped
is being dumped.

It still shows
in your dating stats.

Oh, I don't know, Joe.

Maybe I'm just
one of those people

that was meant to be alone.

Oh, come on, Helen.
You're never gonna be alone.

You've got lots of friends.

And I'd trade all of them

for just one person
who really cared about me.

Listen to me. You are smart,
attractive, talented.

And soon you are gonna
find someone

that appreciates how really
extraordinary you are.

You really think so?

Hell, you had me fooled there
for a while.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
I am kidding.

You know what thought
just went through my head?

Uh...there's chocolate-chip
cookie dough

in the refrigerator?

Not anymore.

I was thinking

what if you were that someone?

Ah. Helen.
Well, no, really.

I'm serious.
I mean, think about it.

Maybe our timing
was just off.

Maybe it's no accident
that we're both still alone

a year after we broke up, Joe.
Come on, Helen.

You're just having a bad night.

Oh, and, uh,
just to be clear about this,

you were the one that wanted
to break up.

Yeah, maybe I was.

Maybe I just didn't realize
everything we had, Joe.

I was ready to give it
another try.

( sighs )

You know, maybe we were
on the right road,

but we just took a wrong turn.

Maybe we did.

BOTH:
Nah.

HELEN: Good night, Joe.

JOE: Good night, Helen.

( upbeat theme playing )