Wings (1990–1997): Season 4, Episode 20 - Goodbye, Old Friend - full transcript
( upbeat piano theme playing )
Telling you:
36-24-36.
JOE:
No, not 36, 37.
What--? Where do
you get 37?
Thirty-seven.
No, it's 37-24-34.
In your dreams.
Look, Brian, I am never wrong
about these things.
I'm telling you,
it's wrong.
No--
You know, this is really
unbelievable.
You'd think you two would have
something better to do
than sit around speculating
on my measurements.
So juvenile.
It just so happens that, uh...
we were trying
to remember
the combination
of this padlock.
Bet somebody feels
pretty foolish right now.
( snickers )
I'm sorry.
I thought you were--
Sorry.
Quick thinking
with that padlock.
Well...
( upbeat theme playing )
Oh, good morning,
Roy.
Maybe to you it is.
I came down with a cold
last night.
I'm sick as a dog.
Oh, well,
by all means,
why don't you sit here
next to me and my food?
Thanks.
( coughs )
I was up half the night
sneezing my guts out.
Damn near brought
the house down.
Oh, God, no.
Not again.
( huffing )
Roy, be careful, please.
Roy.
( quietly ):
Ah-choo.
( coughs )
What was that?
What the hell
do you think it was?
It was a sneeze.
It was like
a little baby sneeze.
Look, I happen to be
a very sick man.
The last thing
I need right now i--
Is you-- Is you--
Giving me grief about--
( quietly ):
Ah-choo.
( laughs )
Oh.
( exhales )
Do it again.
Ah, morning all.
ALL: Morning.
Hey, does anyone know
where I can get a shotgun?
Uh, what kind? Double-barrel,
pump-action, 12 gauge,
over and under?
What? Just because a woman
my age takes up a hobby,
does it have to be
knitting?
I shoot skeet.
How are you
at squirrels?
I got an attic
full of them.
Oh, you wouldn't shoot a poor,
defenseless little squirrel?
Fay, these are not little,
cute cartoon squirrels.
These are sick, demented
little vermin
that have kept me up
for the last three nights.
You haven't slept at all?
Oh. Not a wink.
Thought about calling
an exterminator?
Ha! Oh, no,
no, no, no, no.
I'm gonna get 'em
myself.
Poison, traps,
whatever it takes.
This time,
it's personal.
JOE:
Morning.
Morning, Joe.
Morning, Joe.
Hey, I, uh,
hate to start the day
with bad news,
but did you all hear
about Weeb Gilroy?
Oh, what did Nantucket's
biggest kook do this time?
He died.
FAY: Oh.
This looks like Lowell
moves up a notch.
So, what happened?
Apparently, he went
in his sleep.
I mean, the guy
was almost 90.
Who--? Who is this
Weeb Gilroy?
Oh, he was a mechanic
who worked here years ago.
I mean, he was a nice guy,
but he was a touch
on the odd side.
Yeah, no kidding. Remember
all those inventions of his?
My favorite was the Mexican
jumping beanbag chair.
Hm-hm.
Furniture that
rearranges itself.
Oh.
I wonder how Lowell's
gonna take the news.
Right, 'cause Weeb was like
a second father to him.
He taught him
how to be a mechanic.
Did they ever finish, uh,
putting that plane together?
I don't think they got it
off the ground.
But they killed a lot
of time working on it.
Yeah, it's gonna be
rough on Lowell.
I wonder if he even knows.
( laughing )
Oh, that's a great
one, Ernie.
I especially like the way
you started it with, uh,
"Knock, knock."
Heh.
But they ought to come up
with more of those.
Hey, Lowell?
Yeah, Joe?
Uh, can we see you
in my office?
I don't know.
Hang on a second.
Can you see me?
Stay in there, Lowell.
Lowell, uh,
sit down.
We have to
talk to you.
Whoa.
Sounds important.
Well, it is.
Um...
you know,
Lowell...
sometimes...
in life,
things happen
that, uh,
we're not really
prepared for.
Wait a minute.
Am I fired?
I thought we were a family
around here.
Wh-- Where's the support group
that we've established?
No, no, no. Lowell, Lowell,
Lowell, Lowell. Calm down.
You're not fired, okay?
Just listen. Um...
sometimes in life...
things happen to
friends of ours--
Oh. Fay's fired.
No, Lowell. Uh,
this is about
a friend of yours.
An old friend.
I know this isn't
gonna be easy for you,
but we found out
this morning
that Weeb Gilroy
passed away.
No, he didn't.
Yeah, Lowell, he did.
LOWELL: No, uh...
Weeb Gilroy's not dead.
Uh, you probably just
saw him with his teeth out.
Aw.
Weeb Gilroy dead.
Ah, that's a--
That's a pretty good one, huh?
I'll see you guys later.
( door closes )
Well,
that went well.
Well, it's obvious
he's in denial.
Yeah, that's right. Denial.
Uh, I remember that
from college.
It's-- It's one of the five
stages people go through
when they're coping with grief.
Over the next
few months, he'll...
probably go through anger,
bargaining,
depression,
and then,
uh, finally,
acceptance.
I'm angry as hell
at Weeb for dying.
But I'd trade anything
to get him back.
God, what's the use?
It's hopeless. He's gone.
But what are you
gonna do?
Life goes on.
Some people go through it
faster than others.
( upbeat theme playing )
( yawning )
Uh, this isn't
what I ordered.
Well, is it close enough?
Well, I-- I ordered
chicken. These are eggs.
Well, fine.
I'll go sit on 'em.
( laughs )
Oh, Fay, I'm exhausted.
Work with me, baby.
Work with me.
Uh, Helen, did the squirrels
keep you up again?
Yes. It's been
four nights in a row.
But not tonight.
I finally gave up,
called the exterminators.
They're at my house
right now.
Oh, they're not
gonna kill
the poor little
squirrels, are they?
No, Fay. They glue
little felt circles
to the bottoms of their feet
so you can't hear 'em running.
( laughs )
Joey,
listen to this:
A priest, a rabbi
and a guy wearing lederhosen
are all taking a trip
together--
Brian, I've heard that joke
about a million times.
Isn't it getting
kind of stale?
I used to think so.
Lowell,
are you okay?
Yeah. Uh, but I'm just
having a hard time with this.
I-- I decided to write
a eulogy for Weeb Gilroy.
Ah, that's
a wonderful idea.
Yeah. Except it's not as easy
as I thought it would be.
Hey, uh, do you guys know
another word for "corpse"?
He's writing
a eulogy for Weeb.
Oh. Oh, th-that's
a good idea, Lowell.
Yeah, I-I thought
it would be a nice way
to say goodbye.
You know,
come to think of it,
you know, maybe
the word "carcass"
isn't appropriate either.
Huh.
You know,
there's just
so much to say,
I-- I don't know
exactly where to start.
FAY:
Well, when you
think about Weeb,
what's the first thing
that comes to mind?
Waffles.
You know, Weeb ate more waffles
than anyone I know.
What else?
Syrup.
Lowell, uh, I--
I would forget food.
Why don't you, um...?
Talk about that old plane
that you guys used to work on.
Oh, that's a painful memory
for me, Joe.
What do you mean?
You guys loved doing that.
No, I was talking
about the time
that Weeb dropped
the engine hoist on my foot.
Boy, my-- My toes
were fanned out
like an outfielder's mitt.
Listen, you know,
there's not a lot of time,
and I gotta get
right on this.
Good luck, Lowell.
I'm sure you'll do fine.
Thanks.
( Joe sighs )
You guys ever think about
what kind of funeral you want?
Oh, I have.
Um, I wanna keep mine simple.
I'd like to be cremated
and have my ashes scattered
right here in Nantucket.
Oh, a-a-and some should be
scattered in Syracuse
where I grew up.
And a few
in Hawaii
where I went
on my honeymoon.
Um, then there's Paris.
My goodness, I'd better
start eating more.
( chuckles ):
There's not going to be
enough of me to go around.
( snoring )
Do you hear that?
Yeah, what--?
What is that?
I don't know.
That noise, you hear it?
Yep, I hear that.
What is that?
( snoring )
( sighs )
Helen.
You were sleeping.
Then why'd you
wake me up, Joe?
Now.
Helen, Helen, you're not
doing any good here.
Why don't you just
go home and go to sleep?
Oh, no, I got
so much work to do.
Oh, no, come on.
You're just stirring
water here.
I'm gonna drive
you home right now.
I-- I'll get
your keys.
He doesn't know
where my keys are.
I can't find
your keys.
Oh, my God.
A-are you okay?
I-- I'm sorry, Helen.
Are you all right?
Whoo!
Wow.
That was scary.
Whoo!
( laughing )
Are you all right?
For a second there I thought
I was gonna faint.
Bong!
( laughing )
( slow theme playing )
So how's Helen
doing?
Oh, the doctor's examining her
now. But she'll be fine.
It is a shame, isn't it?
Oh, yeah. She could
have been really hurt.
No, no, I mean it's a shame
she works for herself.
Who's she gonna sue?
FAY:
Oh-- So, Lowell,
how's your eulogy coming?
Oh. Not so great.
Uh, there's no need
to be frustrated.
I thought of something
that can help you.
I got out the eulogy
I delivered
for my third husband
George's funeral.
You still have this?
Oh, you know me.
I don't lose anything...
except my husbands.
Uh, b-but, anyway,
it went over like gangbusters,
and I thought
if you just changed
all the "Georges" to "Weebs,"
you might be able to use it.
Well, okay.
I mean, I-I'll try it.
"I'll miss...
Weeb."
"I'll miss
his companionship,
"and I'll miss
his laughter.
"I'll miss the naps
"Weeb and I used to
take together.
I'll miss prettying
myself up for Weeb."
Uh, uh, no. I-I don't think
this is a very good idea.
No, no, Fay. If it is
in his heart,
let the man speak.
You're as good
as new.
Don't all those tears
from before seem silly?
No, I thought
she was really hurt,
and I was scared.
How do you feel, Helen?
Fine. It was just a little bump.
Here's my phone number.
If you have
any dizziness or nausea,
you be sure
to call me now.
Well, don't you worry
about hearing from me.
I've been awake
for four days.
All I wanna do
is just go home,
climb in my bed
and go to sleep.
DOCTOR: Uh, actually, Helen,
that's the one thing
you don't wanna do.
What?
You have
a mild concussion.
There's a risk it could
lead to something more serious.
So just to be safe,
I'll need you to stay awake
at least for...
the next 18 hours.
Eighteen hours?
Well, then,
I don't have a concussion.
Um, can't you
give me something else?
Um, a fractured wrist?
I'll take
an enlarged prostate.
If I could hand those out,
I'd give you mine.
I have to stay awake
another night?
( quavering ):
Oh, Joe,
he's a bad man.
( melancholy theme playing )
Oh, this is
unbelievable.
I can't think.
I can't talk.
Come on, now. Come on.
It's not that bad.
Yes.
I'm the tired
I've "everest" been.
It's hard to argue
with a statement like that.
Now, come on. You know
what the doctor said.
You have got to stay awake.
Now, it's only till 9 a.m.
We're both gonna be
right here with you.
What time is it now?
Seven p.m.
Good night.
Oh, no, no, no. No, you don't.
Okay, come on.
Come on.
Let's get some circulation
back in that little body.
That's a baby.
That's a baby.
Let's do some
deep-knee bends.
Hands on hips.
Ready. And down.
That's it. And up.
One more.
Down. And up.
Okay, on your own,
kiddo. Come on.
Down...
Down.
And up. Up. Up.
No, no,
no, no, no, no.
Come on.
JOE:
Come on. Come on, Helen.
You gotta get in
the spirit of this.
We're gonna have fun.
We're gonna play games.
Drink a lot of coffee.
You know, and for
an extra-special treat...
we are gonna make
s'mores.
Oh. God, I hate s'mores.
Mm.
What do you mean?
Nobody hates s'mores.
Uh-- Well, I do.
You hate s'mores?
I'm sorry. I hate s'mores.
Because it's like--
It's the dumbest name
for a food in the world.
S'mores.
As in,
"They're so delicious...
I'd like to have s'more."
All right? It's stupid.
In fact, that's what
they should call them:
S'stupids.
Helen. Helen.
Wake up.
Come on.
If you didn't want me
to sleep,
why'd you give me
these little pillows?
Hey, you guys.
Lowell, how's it going, man?
Uh, pretty good.
I-- I think I finally
found an angle
on the Weeb Gilroy
eulogy.
Oh, great.
Uh, listen to it,
tell me what you think.
All right. Ahem.
All right.
"Weeb.
"Weeb Gilroy.
W is for the waffles
He ate every day.
E is for his elbow grease
Which never went away.
The other E is for every other
Kind of grease
Caked below his nails.
B is for the butter
He put on his waff-ails.
I-I took a little liberty
with that last part, you know.
But what do you think?
( snoring )
JOE:
Helen.
Lowell, Lowell, Lowell.
She's just tired.
No. I know
it's not any good.
You know, I-- I gotta
come up with something,
because Weeb's funeral
is tomorrow morning.
I don't know. Yeah, maybe some
fresh air will clear my head.
Hey. Hey. Hey,
what's wrong?
Oh, I was just thinking
about old Weeb
laid out at the mortuary...
his head resting
on a satin pillow...
heading for eternal slumber.
( cries ):
He's so lucky.
( melancholy theme playing )
Eh?
My turn. 12-10.
No. That was good. It was in.
It was not in.
You blocked it with
your tongue. It was in--
No, I did not.
Come on, Helen.
You saw--
Uh-- Uh--
She knows the rules.
Hey!
You were sleeping.
HELEN: I was not.
( squirting )
What--?
What is this for?!
That's for lying.
Won't you guys
just let me sleep?
Please,
I'll be fine.
Listen, it's 3:00.
You got 6 hours to go.
You can do it.
Come on.
Come on.
All right.
All right.
I guess I can.
But, you know...
there's just no sense
in both of you staying awake.
I like it. It's fun.
But, Joe, you promised Lowell
that you'd go to the funeral
with him in the morning.
So why don't you go to bed...
and Brian will
watch me?
And if he gets drowsy,
he'll come wake you up.
You think you can
handle her?
What do I look like?
Yeah. 'Course.
All right. Okay.
I'll be upstairs
if you need me.
But, uh...
if she tries anything...
don't be afraid
to use this.
( scoffs )
Joe's funny, isn't he?
( snickers )
What are you talking about?
Heh.
Well...you know
how uptight he is.
Not like you,
Brian.
You're the fun one.
All the girls say so.
They say,
"Joe: uptight.
Brian: fun."
What are you doing,
Helen?
Oh, nothing.
I'm just...being friendly.
Give me the gun,
Brian.
You know I can't
do that, Helen.
Oh, yes, you can.
Now you're in charge.
You know,
you could even
let me sleep
if you wanted to.
We could even
sleep together.
Nobody would
have to know.
We could go up to your room...
Uh-huh.
...and just take
our clothes off...
Uh-huh.
Ha!
All right.
Now I'm in charge,
buddy.
I'm gonna
go to sleep...
and there's not a damn thing
you can do about it.
Ah-ah.
Put 'em up.
Put 'em up, baby.
Joe, thank God
you're here.
Oh, yeah, right.
Like I'm gonna believe that.
Drop it.
Damn.
All right, bright eyes.
Sit down.
And no sleeping. I wanna see
a lot of sudden moves.
( upbeat theme playing )
JOE:
Brian!
What?!
Oh, God, where's
Helen? Helen!
She's right here.
She tried to get
in bed with me.
( scoffs )
Oh, like that's
such a terrible offer.
Oh. I must have
dozed off.
Well, just
keep an eye on her.
I'm gonna wake Lowell up
for the funeral.
All right.
Well...7:00.
We're in the homestretch.
Only two hours to go, Helen.
Helen?
Helen?
( deep voice ):
Helen's not here anymore.
Joe!
Have you seen
Lowell?
Have you seen
Helen?
Uh, he wasn't
upstairs in his room.
His bed wasn't
slept in.
Did he even come home
last night?
Oh. I didn't see him.
Wow. I'd better get dressed,
see if I can find him.
He's gotta be at that funeral
in less than an hour.
Wait, 8 a.m.? Isn't that
a little early for a funeral?
Well, they're having a memorial
breakfast after the service.
Waffles.
( melancholy theme playing )
Lowell?
Lowell,
are you in here?
Hey, Joe.
Lowell...
what are you doing?
You're supposed to be at
Weeb's funeral in 15 minutes.
Yeah.
I, uh, decided not to go.
But, uh-- But what about
your eulogy?
Well, I couldn't
come up with anything.
I mean, I'd--
You know, when you
really care about somebody,
it's...hard to try
and sum up their life
in just a paragraph
or two.
Well, I'm sorry, buddy.
I know you wanted to do
something special for him.
Well...actually,
I sort of did.
Come on,
I'll show you.
You know,
I walked all over town
trying to figure out
what to say, and...
then it finally
hit me.
You know, maybe there was
something that I could do.
Wow.
Oh, this is unbelievable.
Weeb's plane.
Yeah.
I dragged it in here
last night.
You know, Weeb
always wanted
to see
this thing run.
Well...he didn't get to,
but...
well, it runs now.
It actually runs?
Yeah. I mean,
you know,
it still coughs
and sputters and...
makes all nature of
ungodly noises.
But that's--
That's sort of fitting.
So did Weeb.
Yeah, I remember.
Hm.
You know, Joe...
a lot of people thought
that Weeb was crazy.
And...maybe he was,
a little.
All I know
is that...
he was always
nice to me.
Lowell, this is
really something.
You know...finishing
his plane for him.
I-- I can't think of
a more perfect tribute.
Guess there
would be...
only one more thing
that would make it
really special.
I just wish
I knew how to fly.
Let's take her up.
All right.
( upbeat theme playing )
Oh!
Finally.
( sighs )
( plane sputtering )
( plane zooming over )
( mellow piano theme playing )
Telling you:
36-24-36.
JOE:
No, not 36, 37.
What--? Where do
you get 37?
Thirty-seven.
No, it's 37-24-34.
In your dreams.
Look, Brian, I am never wrong
about these things.
I'm telling you,
it's wrong.
No--
You know, this is really
unbelievable.
You'd think you two would have
something better to do
than sit around speculating
on my measurements.
So juvenile.
It just so happens that, uh...
we were trying
to remember
the combination
of this padlock.
Bet somebody feels
pretty foolish right now.
( snickers )
I'm sorry.
I thought you were--
Sorry.
Quick thinking
with that padlock.
Well...
( upbeat theme playing )
Oh, good morning,
Roy.
Maybe to you it is.
I came down with a cold
last night.
I'm sick as a dog.
Oh, well,
by all means,
why don't you sit here
next to me and my food?
Thanks.
( coughs )
I was up half the night
sneezing my guts out.
Damn near brought
the house down.
Oh, God, no.
Not again.
( huffing )
Roy, be careful, please.
Roy.
( quietly ):
Ah-choo.
( coughs )
What was that?
What the hell
do you think it was?
It was a sneeze.
It was like
a little baby sneeze.
Look, I happen to be
a very sick man.
The last thing
I need right now i--
Is you-- Is you--
Giving me grief about--
( quietly ):
Ah-choo.
( laughs )
Oh.
( exhales )
Do it again.
Ah, morning all.
ALL: Morning.
Hey, does anyone know
where I can get a shotgun?
Uh, what kind? Double-barrel,
pump-action, 12 gauge,
over and under?
What? Just because a woman
my age takes up a hobby,
does it have to be
knitting?
I shoot skeet.
How are you
at squirrels?
I got an attic
full of them.
Oh, you wouldn't shoot a poor,
defenseless little squirrel?
Fay, these are not little,
cute cartoon squirrels.
These are sick, demented
little vermin
that have kept me up
for the last three nights.
You haven't slept at all?
Oh. Not a wink.
Thought about calling
an exterminator?
Ha! Oh, no,
no, no, no, no.
I'm gonna get 'em
myself.
Poison, traps,
whatever it takes.
This time,
it's personal.
JOE:
Morning.
Morning, Joe.
Morning, Joe.
Hey, I, uh,
hate to start the day
with bad news,
but did you all hear
about Weeb Gilroy?
Oh, what did Nantucket's
biggest kook do this time?
He died.
FAY: Oh.
This looks like Lowell
moves up a notch.
So, what happened?
Apparently, he went
in his sleep.
I mean, the guy
was almost 90.
Who--? Who is this
Weeb Gilroy?
Oh, he was a mechanic
who worked here years ago.
I mean, he was a nice guy,
but he was a touch
on the odd side.
Yeah, no kidding. Remember
all those inventions of his?
My favorite was the Mexican
jumping beanbag chair.
Hm-hm.
Furniture that
rearranges itself.
Oh.
I wonder how Lowell's
gonna take the news.
Right, 'cause Weeb was like
a second father to him.
He taught him
how to be a mechanic.
Did they ever finish, uh,
putting that plane together?
I don't think they got it
off the ground.
But they killed a lot
of time working on it.
Yeah, it's gonna be
rough on Lowell.
I wonder if he even knows.
( laughing )
Oh, that's a great
one, Ernie.
I especially like the way
you started it with, uh,
"Knock, knock."
Heh.
But they ought to come up
with more of those.
Hey, Lowell?
Yeah, Joe?
Uh, can we see you
in my office?
I don't know.
Hang on a second.
Can you see me?
Stay in there, Lowell.
Lowell, uh,
sit down.
We have to
talk to you.
Whoa.
Sounds important.
Well, it is.
Um...
you know,
Lowell...
sometimes...
in life,
things happen
that, uh,
we're not really
prepared for.
Wait a minute.
Am I fired?
I thought we were a family
around here.
Wh-- Where's the support group
that we've established?
No, no, no. Lowell, Lowell,
Lowell, Lowell. Calm down.
You're not fired, okay?
Just listen. Um...
sometimes in life...
things happen to
friends of ours--
Oh. Fay's fired.
No, Lowell. Uh,
this is about
a friend of yours.
An old friend.
I know this isn't
gonna be easy for you,
but we found out
this morning
that Weeb Gilroy
passed away.
No, he didn't.
Yeah, Lowell, he did.
LOWELL: No, uh...
Weeb Gilroy's not dead.
Uh, you probably just
saw him with his teeth out.
Aw.
Weeb Gilroy dead.
Ah, that's a--
That's a pretty good one, huh?
I'll see you guys later.
( door closes )
Well,
that went well.
Well, it's obvious
he's in denial.
Yeah, that's right. Denial.
Uh, I remember that
from college.
It's-- It's one of the five
stages people go through
when they're coping with grief.
Over the next
few months, he'll...
probably go through anger,
bargaining,
depression,
and then,
uh, finally,
acceptance.
I'm angry as hell
at Weeb for dying.
But I'd trade anything
to get him back.
God, what's the use?
It's hopeless. He's gone.
But what are you
gonna do?
Life goes on.
Some people go through it
faster than others.
( upbeat theme playing )
( yawning )
Uh, this isn't
what I ordered.
Well, is it close enough?
Well, I-- I ordered
chicken. These are eggs.
Well, fine.
I'll go sit on 'em.
( laughs )
Oh, Fay, I'm exhausted.
Work with me, baby.
Work with me.
Uh, Helen, did the squirrels
keep you up again?
Yes. It's been
four nights in a row.
But not tonight.
I finally gave up,
called the exterminators.
They're at my house
right now.
Oh, they're not
gonna kill
the poor little
squirrels, are they?
No, Fay. They glue
little felt circles
to the bottoms of their feet
so you can't hear 'em running.
( laughs )
Joey,
listen to this:
A priest, a rabbi
and a guy wearing lederhosen
are all taking a trip
together--
Brian, I've heard that joke
about a million times.
Isn't it getting
kind of stale?
I used to think so.
Lowell,
are you okay?
Yeah. Uh, but I'm just
having a hard time with this.
I-- I decided to write
a eulogy for Weeb Gilroy.
Ah, that's
a wonderful idea.
Yeah. Except it's not as easy
as I thought it would be.
Hey, uh, do you guys know
another word for "corpse"?
He's writing
a eulogy for Weeb.
Oh. Oh, th-that's
a good idea, Lowell.
Yeah, I-I thought
it would be a nice way
to say goodbye.
You know,
come to think of it,
you know, maybe
the word "carcass"
isn't appropriate either.
Huh.
You know,
there's just
so much to say,
I-- I don't know
exactly where to start.
FAY:
Well, when you
think about Weeb,
what's the first thing
that comes to mind?
Waffles.
You know, Weeb ate more waffles
than anyone I know.
What else?
Syrup.
Lowell, uh, I--
I would forget food.
Why don't you, um...?
Talk about that old plane
that you guys used to work on.
Oh, that's a painful memory
for me, Joe.
What do you mean?
You guys loved doing that.
No, I was talking
about the time
that Weeb dropped
the engine hoist on my foot.
Boy, my-- My toes
were fanned out
like an outfielder's mitt.
Listen, you know,
there's not a lot of time,
and I gotta get
right on this.
Good luck, Lowell.
I'm sure you'll do fine.
Thanks.
( Joe sighs )
You guys ever think about
what kind of funeral you want?
Oh, I have.
Um, I wanna keep mine simple.
I'd like to be cremated
and have my ashes scattered
right here in Nantucket.
Oh, a-a-and some should be
scattered in Syracuse
where I grew up.
And a few
in Hawaii
where I went
on my honeymoon.
Um, then there's Paris.
My goodness, I'd better
start eating more.
( chuckles ):
There's not going to be
enough of me to go around.
( snoring )
Do you hear that?
Yeah, what--?
What is that?
I don't know.
That noise, you hear it?
Yep, I hear that.
What is that?
( snoring )
( sighs )
Helen.
You were sleeping.
Then why'd you
wake me up, Joe?
Now.
Helen, Helen, you're not
doing any good here.
Why don't you just
go home and go to sleep?
Oh, no, I got
so much work to do.
Oh, no, come on.
You're just stirring
water here.
I'm gonna drive
you home right now.
I-- I'll get
your keys.
He doesn't know
where my keys are.
I can't find
your keys.
Oh, my God.
A-are you okay?
I-- I'm sorry, Helen.
Are you all right?
Whoo!
Wow.
That was scary.
Whoo!
( laughing )
Are you all right?
For a second there I thought
I was gonna faint.
Bong!
( laughing )
( slow theme playing )
So how's Helen
doing?
Oh, the doctor's examining her
now. But she'll be fine.
It is a shame, isn't it?
Oh, yeah. She could
have been really hurt.
No, no, I mean it's a shame
she works for herself.
Who's she gonna sue?
FAY:
Oh-- So, Lowell,
how's your eulogy coming?
Oh. Not so great.
Uh, there's no need
to be frustrated.
I thought of something
that can help you.
I got out the eulogy
I delivered
for my third husband
George's funeral.
You still have this?
Oh, you know me.
I don't lose anything...
except my husbands.
Uh, b-but, anyway,
it went over like gangbusters,
and I thought
if you just changed
all the "Georges" to "Weebs,"
you might be able to use it.
Well, okay.
I mean, I-I'll try it.
"I'll miss...
Weeb."
"I'll miss
his companionship,
"and I'll miss
his laughter.
"I'll miss the naps
"Weeb and I used to
take together.
I'll miss prettying
myself up for Weeb."
Uh, uh, no. I-I don't think
this is a very good idea.
No, no, Fay. If it is
in his heart,
let the man speak.
You're as good
as new.
Don't all those tears
from before seem silly?
No, I thought
she was really hurt,
and I was scared.
How do you feel, Helen?
Fine. It was just a little bump.
Here's my phone number.
If you have
any dizziness or nausea,
you be sure
to call me now.
Well, don't you worry
about hearing from me.
I've been awake
for four days.
All I wanna do
is just go home,
climb in my bed
and go to sleep.
DOCTOR: Uh, actually, Helen,
that's the one thing
you don't wanna do.
What?
You have
a mild concussion.
There's a risk it could
lead to something more serious.
So just to be safe,
I'll need you to stay awake
at least for...
the next 18 hours.
Eighteen hours?
Well, then,
I don't have a concussion.
Um, can't you
give me something else?
Um, a fractured wrist?
I'll take
an enlarged prostate.
If I could hand those out,
I'd give you mine.
I have to stay awake
another night?
( quavering ):
Oh, Joe,
he's a bad man.
( melancholy theme playing )
Oh, this is
unbelievable.
I can't think.
I can't talk.
Come on, now. Come on.
It's not that bad.
Yes.
I'm the tired
I've "everest" been.
It's hard to argue
with a statement like that.
Now, come on. You know
what the doctor said.
You have got to stay awake.
Now, it's only till 9 a.m.
We're both gonna be
right here with you.
What time is it now?
Seven p.m.
Good night.
Oh, no, no, no. No, you don't.
Okay, come on.
Come on.
Let's get some circulation
back in that little body.
That's a baby.
That's a baby.
Let's do some
deep-knee bends.
Hands on hips.
Ready. And down.
That's it. And up.
One more.
Down. And up.
Okay, on your own,
kiddo. Come on.
Down...
Down.
And up. Up. Up.
No, no,
no, no, no, no.
Come on.
JOE:
Come on. Come on, Helen.
You gotta get in
the spirit of this.
We're gonna have fun.
We're gonna play games.
Drink a lot of coffee.
You know, and for
an extra-special treat...
we are gonna make
s'mores.
Oh. God, I hate s'mores.
Mm.
What do you mean?
Nobody hates s'mores.
Uh-- Well, I do.
You hate s'mores?
I'm sorry. I hate s'mores.
Because it's like--
It's the dumbest name
for a food in the world.
S'mores.
As in,
"They're so delicious...
I'd like to have s'more."
All right? It's stupid.
In fact, that's what
they should call them:
S'stupids.
Helen. Helen.
Wake up.
Come on.
If you didn't want me
to sleep,
why'd you give me
these little pillows?
Hey, you guys.
Lowell, how's it going, man?
Uh, pretty good.
I-- I think I finally
found an angle
on the Weeb Gilroy
eulogy.
Oh, great.
Uh, listen to it,
tell me what you think.
All right. Ahem.
All right.
"Weeb.
"Weeb Gilroy.
W is for the waffles
He ate every day.
E is for his elbow grease
Which never went away.
The other E is for every other
Kind of grease
Caked below his nails.
B is for the butter
He put on his waff-ails.
I-I took a little liberty
with that last part, you know.
But what do you think?
( snoring )
JOE:
Helen.
Lowell, Lowell, Lowell.
She's just tired.
No. I know
it's not any good.
You know, I-- I gotta
come up with something,
because Weeb's funeral
is tomorrow morning.
I don't know. Yeah, maybe some
fresh air will clear my head.
Hey. Hey. Hey,
what's wrong?
Oh, I was just thinking
about old Weeb
laid out at the mortuary...
his head resting
on a satin pillow...
heading for eternal slumber.
( cries ):
He's so lucky.
( melancholy theme playing )
Eh?
My turn. 12-10.
No. That was good. It was in.
It was not in.
You blocked it with
your tongue. It was in--
No, I did not.
Come on, Helen.
You saw--
Uh-- Uh--
She knows the rules.
Hey!
You were sleeping.
HELEN: I was not.
( squirting )
What--?
What is this for?!
That's for lying.
Won't you guys
just let me sleep?
Please,
I'll be fine.
Listen, it's 3:00.
You got 6 hours to go.
You can do it.
Come on.
Come on.
All right.
All right.
I guess I can.
But, you know...
there's just no sense
in both of you staying awake.
I like it. It's fun.
But, Joe, you promised Lowell
that you'd go to the funeral
with him in the morning.
So why don't you go to bed...
and Brian will
watch me?
And if he gets drowsy,
he'll come wake you up.
You think you can
handle her?
What do I look like?
Yeah. 'Course.
All right. Okay.
I'll be upstairs
if you need me.
But, uh...
if she tries anything...
don't be afraid
to use this.
( scoffs )
Joe's funny, isn't he?
( snickers )
What are you talking about?
Heh.
Well...you know
how uptight he is.
Not like you,
Brian.
You're the fun one.
All the girls say so.
They say,
"Joe: uptight.
Brian: fun."
What are you doing,
Helen?
Oh, nothing.
I'm just...being friendly.
Give me the gun,
Brian.
You know I can't
do that, Helen.
Oh, yes, you can.
Now you're in charge.
You know,
you could even
let me sleep
if you wanted to.
We could even
sleep together.
Nobody would
have to know.
We could go up to your room...
Uh-huh.
...and just take
our clothes off...
Uh-huh.
Ha!
All right.
Now I'm in charge,
buddy.
I'm gonna
go to sleep...
and there's not a damn thing
you can do about it.
Ah-ah.
Put 'em up.
Put 'em up, baby.
Joe, thank God
you're here.
Oh, yeah, right.
Like I'm gonna believe that.
Drop it.
Damn.
All right, bright eyes.
Sit down.
And no sleeping. I wanna see
a lot of sudden moves.
( upbeat theme playing )
JOE:
Brian!
What?!
Oh, God, where's
Helen? Helen!
She's right here.
She tried to get
in bed with me.
( scoffs )
Oh, like that's
such a terrible offer.
Oh. I must have
dozed off.
Well, just
keep an eye on her.
I'm gonna wake Lowell up
for the funeral.
All right.
Well...7:00.
We're in the homestretch.
Only two hours to go, Helen.
Helen?
Helen?
( deep voice ):
Helen's not here anymore.
Joe!
Have you seen
Lowell?
Have you seen
Helen?
Uh, he wasn't
upstairs in his room.
His bed wasn't
slept in.
Did he even come home
last night?
Oh. I didn't see him.
Wow. I'd better get dressed,
see if I can find him.
He's gotta be at that funeral
in less than an hour.
Wait, 8 a.m.? Isn't that
a little early for a funeral?
Well, they're having a memorial
breakfast after the service.
Waffles.
( melancholy theme playing )
Lowell?
Lowell,
are you in here?
Hey, Joe.
Lowell...
what are you doing?
You're supposed to be at
Weeb's funeral in 15 minutes.
Yeah.
I, uh, decided not to go.
But, uh-- But what about
your eulogy?
Well, I couldn't
come up with anything.
I mean, I'd--
You know, when you
really care about somebody,
it's...hard to try
and sum up their life
in just a paragraph
or two.
Well, I'm sorry, buddy.
I know you wanted to do
something special for him.
Well...actually,
I sort of did.
Come on,
I'll show you.
You know,
I walked all over town
trying to figure out
what to say, and...
then it finally
hit me.
You know, maybe there was
something that I could do.
Wow.
Oh, this is unbelievable.
Weeb's plane.
Yeah.
I dragged it in here
last night.
You know, Weeb
always wanted
to see
this thing run.
Well...he didn't get to,
but...
well, it runs now.
It actually runs?
Yeah. I mean,
you know,
it still coughs
and sputters and...
makes all nature of
ungodly noises.
But that's--
That's sort of fitting.
So did Weeb.
Yeah, I remember.
Hm.
You know, Joe...
a lot of people thought
that Weeb was crazy.
And...maybe he was,
a little.
All I know
is that...
he was always
nice to me.
Lowell, this is
really something.
You know...finishing
his plane for him.
I-- I can't think of
a more perfect tribute.
Guess there
would be...
only one more thing
that would make it
really special.
I just wish
I knew how to fly.
Let's take her up.
All right.
( upbeat theme playing )
Oh!
Finally.
( sighs )
( plane sputtering )
( plane zooming over )
( mellow piano theme playing )