Wings (1990–1997): Season 4, Episode 1 - Lifeboat - full transcript

( mellow theme playing )

JOE:
Previously on Wings:

I'm gonna be playing

with the Boston
Symphony Orchestra.

( engine faltering )

What's happening
up there?

Something wrong
with this engine?

Frost-free valve
is clogged.

I don't know
if we have enough fuel

to make it to Hyannis.

God, I can't
believe this.



Oh, God.

( thunder crashes )

Lightening just took out
our second engine.

( engine sputters, stops )

JOE:
Prepare for water landing.

Set best glide speed.
We're goin' in.

( suspenseful theme playing )

Shoo.
That was close.

Man, I really thought
we were gonna crash.

Oh, I was
sure of it.

Oh, I am so happy
to be here.

Well, it didn't help
that you and Brian

both froze
at the controls.

ALL:
Ohhh.



But thank God
Lowell was there

to land the plane.

( all cheer, applaud )

Lucky for us
the U.S.S. Nimitz

was on maneuvers
right below us.

HELEN:
Whew.

Lowell...

was that your
first carrier landing?

You okay,
Lowell?

Uh, not really,
Joe.

I'm feeling
kinda woozy.

Well, that was
quite a jolt

you took
when we landed.

How many fingers
am I holding up?

Which one of you?

That's woozy.

Oh.

What's
that bright light?

ROY:
What light?

That bright light.

I'm being drawn
toward it.

( eerie theme playing )

What?

Am I dying,
and passing over

to the other side?

MAN ( echoing ):
Lowell?

Hey, what's
that voice?

Lowell?

Is that you,
Grandpa?

Grandpa Mather?

Lowell!

LOWELL ( echoing ):
I'm coming, Grandpa.

Coming.

JOE ( normal voice ):
Lowell.

( water running )

Lowell.

Lowell?

LOWELL:
What?

Oh, thank goodness
he's coming to.

You're not my grandpa.

HELEN:
You were hallucinating.

You banged your head
when we hit the water.

You mean we're not back
at the airport?

No.

Well, where are we?

Actually...

that's a very
good question.

( mellow theme playing )

So after
the plane crashed,

Joe got the lifeboat
inflated

and then we
all climbed in.

Isn't any of this
coming back to you?

Not really,
Fay.

But not
to worry.

You know what they say
about severe head trauma.

What's that?

What's what?

The storm
cleared out.

I can finally see
the North Star.

Great, that means
the coast is that way.

Let's start paddling.

No, no, Roy,
actually,

we're better off staying
where we are.

It's where we
went off the radar screen.

It's the first place
they'll look for us.

I can't
stand this.

We're out in the middle
of nowhere.

I'm desperate
and frightened,

and you expect me
just to sit here

with my hands tied?

Well, now you know
how your dates must feel.

Look, Roy,
they probably sent

a plane out
for us already.

As soon
as we hear it,

we'll set off
our flare gun.

I feel like we're living
in that Hitchcock movie.

You mean birds are gonna
come peck our eyes out?

I think the movie

Roy's talking about
is Lifeboat.

Oh...right.

What's that one about?

Brian, looks like
we're taking

on some water.

Give me a hand
with the bailing.

Well,
all I can say is

this whole thing's
pretty romantic.

Um, here we are,
six people

stranded at sea,
dressed in formal wear.

We must look like refugees
from the Titanic, heh.

Oh, for God's sake, woman,

we were in a plane crash.

What does it take
to put you in a bad mood?

Well,
if you must know,

I'm not too crazy about
control-top pantyhose

that's been
mislabeled.

I say we should all
just be grateful

we're alive.

Well,
I certainly am.

I just have
one question:

If I was knocked
unconscious

when we landed,

then how did I end up
in the lifeboat?

Actually it was Roy
who pulled you up.

Really?

Well...

what can I say
but thank you, Roy.

It was nothing.

Now, now, don't shy
away from this.

I won't draw
it out.

I'll just keep it simple
and to the point.

I love you,
Roy.

Oh, will you
knock it off?

It was
an accident.

My cuff link caught on your
collar as I was climbing up.

Trust me.

If I had the whole thing
to do over again,

I would have worn
a short-sleeved shirt.

You're not an easy man
to love, Roy Biggins.

Brian, this bailing
isn't helping much.

I think we're
too heavy for the boat.

Yeah, you know what?

I think we better take
turns in the water.

You, me and Roy can rotate.

I'll go first.
All right. Good idea.

What is this you,
me and Roy stuff?

Excuse me,
Lowell is hurt.

Yeah, well, I was talking
about Fay and Helen.

Did you ever hear
about equality

among the sexes?

Women's liberation?

Yeah, a moving defense
of women's rights, Roy,

especially coming
from a...

man who has
silver cutouts of...

topless women
on the mud flaps

of his El Camino.

Well, uh, I-I know
what we need to put us all

in a good mood.

A song.

I'm assuming
everyone knows

the words to "Peanut
on the Railroad Track"?

Fay, we've only been
in the water 15 minutes.

We're not
that desperate yet.

I could be on fire
for 15 minutes

and not be
that desperate.

There's no use staring
at it, Joe.

You can't bring
it back.

I can't believe
I'm gonna lose that plane.

If it goes down,

it's gonna take
eight long years

of hard work
and sacrifice with it.

There she goes.

( bubbling sounds )

There goes
my whole life.

You've still
got me, Joe.

Oh, God...

If it's
any consolation,

a pretty big part
of my life

went down with it.

My cello was
on that plane.

Not that it ever did
me any good.

But you were
on your way

to play with the Boston
Philharmonic.

Right, and look
what happened.

I mean,
this is so typical.

Every time I start to feel
good about my music,

something bad
happens.

Every time I start
to feel bad,

I get a little bit
of encouragement.

Well, I guess this finally
settles it, you know?

My cello's at the bottom
of the ocean

never to be
played again.

Tsk...

It's like God
finally gave me

one clear-cut sign
of exactly what to do.

( Helen screams )

Die, damn you.
Die.

There.

BRIAN:
Nice going, Helen.

That was
our only flare.

( upbeat theme playing )

( mellow theme playing )

LOWELL ( counting ):
...ninety-nine.

8,700.

8,701.

8,702.

8,703.

8,704.

8,705--

Oh, darn. Did I
already count that one?

One.

Two.

( motor running )
What's that?

What's what?

I hear a motor.

It's coming
from over there.

Heyyyyy!
Here, here.

( all shouting )

( Helen screams )

BRIAN:
Oh.

ROY:
Ohhhh. Ohhhh.

Talk
about gorgeous.

Boy,
I'll say.

That's a SurfChopper E-2000.

What're you people
doing here?

Well, we had a plane crash.

You've gotta go get
us some help.

Okay, I can take
one of you with me.

Well, I don't need
to be asked twice.

Actually, I was
thinking of someone

a little sexier.

More manly.

Like him.

Me?

Okay.

But I have
to warn you,

I haven't been feeling
too well lately.

I bet I know something

that'll make you feel
a whole lot better.

What?

( eerie theme playing )

ROY ( echo ):
Wake up.

Lowell...

Wake up.

Huh?
Wake up.

You were having
another hallucination.

Ah.

Well, at least
they're gettin' better.

That time I was being seduced
by a woman who looked

just like
Christie Brinkley.

Oh, I have that dream
all the time.

You have erotic dreams
about Christie Brinkley?

Oh, I thought he said
David Brinkley.

( laughs )

Oh, you must have
thought I was

pretty strange
for a second there.

( laughs )

Yeah, just
for a second there.

There's no need
for sarcasm.

Well, excuse me, Fay,

but it just
so happens

that I'm cold
and I'm wet.

And I've had the sharp edge
of your pump

in my behind for the better
part of an hour.

Hey, hey, hey,
hey, come on.

Just stop it.

Look, I know we're all
a little tense.

So...

why don't we
just try to...

sit here quietly,

not do anything that might get
on each other's--

Brian, pf--
what're you doing?

Oh, I'm just flicking
this thing here.

It's reeeallly
annoying.

I'm sorry, Joe,
uh...

I'm not usually
this fidgety

when I'm stranded
at sea,

but I had an extra cup
of coffee this morning.

Oh, you j--
Just stop it.

Fine, fine, fine.
Okay, fine.

Oh my God.
ALL: What?

I just realized
if we don't have

these tuxedos
back by 5,

we get charged
for a whole extra day.

Well, I think I know
what the problem is.

We're all getting
a little cranky

because we're
all hungry.

Well, I have something
in my purse

for just such
an occasion.

Wait, you keep
a little something

in your purse,

in case you're
stranded at sea?

In a lifeboat?

In an evening gown?

Oh, shut up.

I keep a little pack
of Oreos in my purse.

Oh, I just hope
they don't get wet.

They're so good
when they're fresh.

Uh...
wait a minute.

Uh,
they're gone.

Somebody
must have taken them.

Wha--?

Hey, hey,
don't look at me.

Nooo.
Roy?

JOE:
Wait. Hold on a minute.

Hold on
a minute.

Helen, let me see
your teeth.

( muffled ):
What for?

ROY: Ohh.
Look.

Her teeth. They're
still black.

ALL: Ohhh.
She ate the cookies.

There's still
some on her teeth.

Hold her down.

( Helen screams )

Oh, all right,
all right, I took 'em.

They were good and they
were fresh. So what?

Oh, I might have known
it was you.

Oh, knock it off.

It's not like you made
this trip a joy ride.

Oh, w-w-well,
maybe we wouldn't

still be on this trip

if you hadn't shot off
our only flare.

Excuse me.
Oh, oh, w-w--

What were we supposed
to do then,

throw the empty gun
at passing planes?

All right.
What passing planes--?

Stop.
That's enough.

Shh.
Stop it.

Oh, pl--
It's enough.

Why don't we all
just relax.

Say nothing.

Okay?

Okay, okay.

Fay?

Okay.

( snap )

( snap )

Brian, are you purposely
trying to annoy me?

I thought
about it, Joe,

and...tsk...I decided
that even though we're, uh,

ten miles
out to sea,

this is still
a free country.

So...
I'll flick...

all I wanna flick,

until I've flicked,

and then feel like
I'm done flicking.

So, I'll
just flick--

Yeah, well
try flicking--

Okay, just stop.

( hissing )

Oh, no.

Oh, look at what you
made me do.

I made you do?
Oh, my God.

We're sinking.
Oh.

We're sinking!
Quit whining.

All right,
you did this.

( all arguing )

( engine humming in distance )

Hey,

look, look.

Oh, my God.

Hey.

MAN:
Attention on the life raft.

This is the Coast Guard.

( all cheering )

Well, I'm not getting
sucked in again.

This is just another one
of my hallucinations.

Watch, I bet I can walk
across the water.

Lowell...

Lowell...
Oh.

We're saved.

We're saved.

Yeah.

( all cheer )

( mellow theme playing )

Ah, good morning,
Lowell,

Helen...
Hey.

Attractive stranger
in the tartan pullover.

Well, you're certainly
chipper, Brian.

Oh, Lowelly, Lowelly,
I'm a changed man.

Ever since
that plane crash,

I've got
a new appreciation for life.

Oh, I know
just what you mean.

The simple beauty
of a child's laughter.

Ah, there you go.

Spending the entire day
watching a tree grow.

Absolutely.

Well, I don't have time
for that stuff anymore.

I've got people to see.

Women to bed.

Why, I've never even
been to Canada.

Oh, Lowell,
you know...relax.

There's time.

JOE:
Not now, Fay. Not now.

Oh, oh--
Okay, Joe,

I'll come back
a little later.

Pfff.

What's Joe yelling
about now?

Oh, well, you know, he's still
trying to rent a plane.

Oh, you're
kidding.

He's been at that
for days.

Oh, what is it
with people?

You crash one plane,

and they act like
you're trouble.

Can't believe this.

Flat out won't
rent me a plane.

Can't afford
a new plane.

The insurance company won't
replace my old plane.

How am I supposed
to run a business?

Now, now, now,
Joe, uh, calm down.

Everything's going
to be okay.

Look, uh,
here's the mail.

Oh, the mail.

Yeah, this oughta
be fun.

Let's see.
Hangar bill.

Electric bill.

Fuel bill.

Heh, thanks,
Fay.

I feel
much better now.

Try
and understand this,

I don't have any money
to send out.

I need money
coming in.

( phone ringing )

Ah, buon giorno.

HELEN:
Hey, look who's back.

BRIAN:
Hey, there he is.

( all cheer )

You smell
like an airplane.

It's good
to see you.

How was
your trip?

Oh,
the worst.

First, we are delayed
for 12 hours in Rome.

ALL:
Oh...

Then, then,
screaming baby sits

behind me
the entire way.

Then they
lose my luggage.

Oh, Antonio...

Hm.
We were in a plane crash.

Must you always
top my story?

All right.
It's no lie, Antonio.

We were forced to make
a water landing.

HELEN:
We spent eight hours at sea.

Uh, freezing cold
in a lifeboat.

With Roy.

Oh, God,
you poor things.

HELEN:
Yes, I know.

It's good. It's good
to have you back.

It's really--

Oh, come on.
Rent a room.

Here, Cochran,
I, uh,

I got some
of your mail.

Uh-- Uh, Roy,
didn't you notice?

Antonio's
back from Italy.

So?

I'm back
from the can.

You don't see me making
a big deal of that.

Tsk.

Oh, eh, these are
all bills.

I can't give
these to Joe.

It's gonna push
him over the edge.

Oh, what's wrong
with Joe?

He lost his plane.

He owes everybody.

He's just
not himself.

Oh, allow me.

I have a way with Joe.

He will take one look at
Antonio's face,

and all will be well.

Joe.
Antonio, I'm desperate.

I need money.

Joe?

Seven thousand lira.

It's probably only
a buck and a half.

But I'll take it.
What else have you got?

Joe.
I got no choice.

My whole world
is falling apart.

Look at this.

All these people
want money.

If I can't find
a way outta this, heh,

I don't know
if I can go on.

Joe.
I hate this.

It's killing me.

I don't even know
who I am anymore.

I'm losin' it.

I mean...
look what I did to you.

You're one
of my best friends,

and I practically
mugged you.

Joe.
I know.

I know exactly
what you're sayin'.

Is it even worth it?

What if I do find a way to dig
myself out of this?

Even in the best
of times,

this s-stupid business
barely even broke even.

Joe--
No, Antonio,
let me finish.

Who am I doing
this for?

( breathing heavily )

I don't need
this business.

I certainly don't
need these bills.

I don't need
any of this.

The hell with it.

That felt great.

I've never done anything
like that before.

It's like...
I'm a new person.

Joe?

That's right.
The new Joe.

Thank you,
Antonio.

Thank you.
You saved my life.

You made everything
seem so clear to me.

Mwah.
Brian!

I'm free.

I love this.

Whoo-hoo.

Hey, hey, Joe, what--?
What're you doing?

I made
a decision, Brian.

I'm folding
the business.

Fhhhhhh...pughh.

What?
It's my business.

I can do whatever
I want with it.

Antonio and I, we worked
the whole thing out.

( chuckles )

Yeah, hey,
eh, Joe,

Joe, see, y-y-you're
forgetting, see,

that certain lazy, shiftless,
irresponsible people

depend upon you
to be in business.

And I'm not just
talking about Fay.

Too late, Brian.
My mind is made up.

I have paid
my last bill.

I have flown...

my last flight.

Sandpiper Air
is officially history.

Shhh-- What in the world
did you say to him?

I just don't know
how to keep my mouth shut.

( mellow theme playing )

Ah.

Would you look
at this.

I wouldn't have
believed it

if I hadn't seen it
with my own eyes.

Joe, you're
actually quitting?

Uh-huh. Wanna buy a vowel?

No?

This is amazing.

And just what're
you gonna do?

I'm movin' to the South Pacific.

The South Pacific.

Yeah,
the Marquesas.

It's a little island chain

I read about
in National Geographic

when I was a kid.

It's pristine.

The sun
always shines.

And at least in 1967

the women weren't
wearing any tops.

Well, if those women
are still there,

you better hope they're
wearing their tops now.

( chuckles )

Helen...wait.
Hold it.

Ohhh, this is good.

This is good.
I love this.

What?
Come with me.

What?

Come with me.
What is keepin' you here?

Well, for one thing,
sweetheart,

I have
responsibilities.

You know, I can't
just pick up and go.

I have a life.

Oh, Helen, you work
at a little greasy spoon

in an airport.

Y-your music career's

at the bottom
of the ocean.

The last guy
that asked you out

was a tourist wearing sandals
with black socks

and legs whiter
than alder linen.

And you call
this a life?

Well,
it's life...

like.

So is waxed fruit.

Joe...
Helen, come on.

Come with me.

I can't just
pick up every--

Helen, Helen, we are
talking about a place

where the islanders
don't even have a word

in their language
that means work.

But, they have
11 different words

that mean
cocktail umbrella.

Joe...
Come on, Helen.

Come with me.

Me and you.

Just the two of us.

Oh, wait a minute.

This isn't about me
and you getting

back together
again, is it?

Helen, don't be
ridiculous.

I-I'm gonna go
whether you come or not.

I-- I just feel
so good

I want you
to feel it, too.

I feel great.
I am free.

Yeah, but, Joe,
you can't get--

Uh, oh, Helen--

Everything...
--you keep saying can't.

I can do
whatever I want.

Now look, look.
Watch this:

See? That's the first time
I ever tap-danced.

Huh?

I'm wondering
how many words

those natives
have for doofus.

Okay. Fine.

I will remember
your biting sarcasm

when I'm swimming
with the dolphins.

Dolphins?

They have
dolphins there?

I-I love dolphins.

Oh, Helen...

that is only
the beginning.

We are talking
about a place,

where the warmth
of the sun

wakes you up
on a white sandy beach.

And you pull on
your bathing suit...

Or maybe not.

And you swim
in the crystal-clear water.

An islander brings you
a refreshing drink

in a coconut shell

as you lay back
in your hammock.

And then the gentle
trade winds

dry your perfectly
tanned body.

And if the balmy 83-degree
weather is too much for you,

you weave yourself
a hat

out of the palm fronds
at your feet.

Oh, well, I don't look
very good in hats.

Then lose the hat.

You can do
anything you want.

Okay, Joe.

I'm gonna do it.

Do you mean it?
Yes.

Do you really mean it?

Ye--

Yes.
I knew you would.

( both shriek )

We're gonna
live in paradise.

We'll be in the sun...
We'll live in the beautiful--

Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What about
my lunch counter?

Sell it
to the next person

that walks
through the door.

That's what
I'm gonna do.

Joe,
there you are.

Oh, no, not Lowell.
Yes, Lowell.

Yes, Lowell, what?

Is this a knock-knock joke?

( sighs )

Lowell, uh,

how much money you got
in your pocket?

Seven thousand dollars.

You have 7,000 dollars
in your pocket? Why?

Does the name Charles Keating
mean anything to you?

All right,
listen.

I'm lookin' to sell
my lunch counter.

So what do you say
you give me...

I don't know,
500 bucks?

And it's all yours.

Deal.

Whoo, I did it.
Joe, I did it.

Don't you feel
free already?

I really do.

Well, me too.

Yeah, now I get
to spend all day

behind the lunch counter

and all night working
on the planes.

I've never
felt so free, heh.

But, Joe, I've got something to
show you out in the hangar.

It'll take just a minute.

No, I can't, Lowell.
I'm leaving town.

Think we should
pack right now?

It'll just
take a minute.

I really think
you wanna see it.

Oh, all right.
But just a minute.

When do you think we should
leave?

Oh, let's go tomorrow.
I can't believe--

We're spontaneous.
Let's go all the way.

HELEN:
I can't believe it.

I'm so excited
I can't even stand it--

Voilà.

My plane.

Heh, what do
you know?

Anyway,
I don't think

we're gonna need
to pack much.

Just maybe
some shorts

and a little
sunscreen.

Maybe
some sandals.

Friend of mine who owns
a salvage company found it.

I had him tow it on
in here for you, Joe.

I can't believe
it's all in one piece.

I turns out it sank
right on a sand bar.

How about that?

Hey, Joe, what a life
we're gonna lead, huh?

You'll probably find one
of those little island girls

called wahines.

I'll probably find myself
a little island boy.

What do you suppose
they call them?

Wahiners?

I never thought
I'd see it again.

Yeah, well,
take a good look

'cause it's gonna
be a long time

till we're back
here again.

My plane.

That's right.

Kiss that sucker
goodbye.

My baby.

HELEN:
Joe?

Joe?

Oh, Joe?

( mellow theme playing )