Wings (1990–1997): Season 3, Episode 4 - I Ain't Got No Bunny - full transcript
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Excuse me.
No, no, no, no. No way.
Wait just a minute.
We don't need
anyone around here
chanting and hitting
people up for money.
Now, uh, get out of here
before I call the police
and have you dragged away
by those little tufts
at the back of your head.
We're not working
the airport.
We're just coming
off the plane.
We take vacations,
too, you know.
(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
I'm sorry. E-Enjoy your stay.
And don't forget
the sunscreen.
(SEAGULLS CAWING)
So, what do you think,
Antonio?
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
It's magnificent.
Helen makes some of the best
quahog chowder on the island.
It is so creamy.
It's so smooth.
Just one question.
Quahog, quahog.
What is this "quahog"?
Oh! It's the local name
for clams.
Oh, no.
Oh, this is no good.
Why?
I am allergic
to the clam.
When I eat them,
my throat begins
to constrict,
my tongue swells.
(RASPING) I often have
to seek medical help.
Where are you going?
To the hospital.
(ALMOST INDISTINCTLY)
Hi, Roy. How are you today?
I can never understand a word
that spaghetti-head is saying.
ROY: Well, ladies!
You are looking
at the next winner
of the Nantucket Clam
Chowder Cook-off.
Yeah, what makes you think
you have a prayer?
Maybe it's the fact that
before Martha Blankenship
moved her saggy butt
to Delaware,
she sold me her
prize-winning recipe.
(CACKLING)
What? Roy, that's not fair!
Aw, fair is for losers.
I'm looking at a couple
of big ones.
You see,
the secret is the clams.
Martha told me
exactly what to do.
I rake them up
from a special cove
where they feed
on dark-green kelp
and nutrient-rich
microorganisms.
This cove wouldn't be the area
around your shower, would it?
(LAUGHING)
Oh, sure. Sure, sure,
laugh now.
But when the winner's
announced and they hoist me
up on their shoulders,
we'll see who's
laughing then.
It sure won't be
those people carrying him.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(SNORING)
Hey, Joe, I was thinking,
why don't we...
(SHUSHING)
(SNORING)
There it is again.
Did you hear that?
It sounds like snoring
coming from the plane.
Yeah, it does.
Anyway, I was thinking...
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
(SNORING)
JOE: It's Lowell!
He's naked. Aw, jeez!
Wake up, Lowell.
Joe, Brian. Hi.
Lowell,
why are you sleeping nude
in the airplane?
I always sleep
in the nude, Joe.
Yeah, but why in the Cessna?
I had no place else to go.
Bunny kicked me off the boat.
What? How come?
Ah, she's sick of my jealousy.
I keep thinking
she's seeing other men.
Actually called her
the "U" word.
Called her unfaithful?
No, I called her unsatiable.
That's insatiable.
You called her the "I" word.
No, the "I" word
is indiscreet.
Can we move on here?
No, wait, You're--
You're jealous,
Lowell? Why?
Well, I just keep thinking
that Bunny's seeing other men.
Do you have proof?
Uh, nothing definite.
Bunny says
it's all in my head.
Come on, Lowell.
You know that Bunny
is a good wife.
She takes care of the kids.
She takes care of you.
Takes care of the boys
of Operation Desert Storm!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Stop that!
Y-You're letting
your jealousy
get the best of you.
You know what you should do?
Hey, hey, hey, Brian.
Brian, stay out of this.
Yeah, I know, I know.
You know what you should do?
Take Bunny out
to a restaurant,
order some wine,
some flowers,
some candlelight.
You know, tell her
that you love her
and tell her
that you're sorry.
And tell her
that you'll learn
to control your jealousy.
She will take you back.
She will take you back.
Hey, Brian, Brian, listen.
Don't get involved.
This is between
Lowell and Bunny.
A restaurant, you say?
Well, I'll try anything.
Got our marriage to protect.
But first I'm gonna
go out and have me
a little breakfast.
Uh, Lowell.
Uh, before you go out there,
shouldn't you do something
first, hmm?
Oh! Of course.
Oh, boy, that would have
been embarrassing.
No shoes, no service.
Feast your eyes on it, ladies.
This is the chowder
that's gonna win
the blue ribbon
in the contest this afternoon.
(EXHALES WITH SATISFACTION)
Oh, knock it off.
We're wise to you, mister.
What do you mean?
There is no secret clam beds.
We took the liberty of
following you last night
after you left. Fay?
FAY: Yes. "6:32 p.m.
"Stopped off
at the video store,
"went straight
to the adult section.
"Rented something
called Robin Hood
and His Merry Women.
"7:44 p.m.,
arrived home, showered,
"danced by yourself
in front of the mirror
"for a good 15 minutes.
"8:31 p.m.,
walked into the supermarket
wearing sunglasses.
"Approached Aisle 7
"and picked out a dozen cans
of Old Seabrook Clam Chowder."
Store-bought soup, Roy.
How could you?
Well, how do you think I felt
when I found out
Martha's prize-winning
secret came in a can?
I--I--I... Oh,
I don't know what to say.
You can say you're gonna
withdraw from the contest.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'm-- I'm... Oh,
Helen, I'm so ashamed.
I--I can't even
look you in the eye.
Well, try, Roy,
because right now you're
looking at my breasts.
BRIAN: Hey, Lowell.
Lowell, Lowell.
So, uh,
how'd dinner with Bunny go?
Oh, it was a disaster.
I accused her of
flirting with the waiter,
she ran out
of the restaurant.
Did you go after her?
Well, I tried.
But after I got through
tipping the sommelier,
the maitre d'
and a guy I thought
was the parking valet,
still some question
in my mind about that one,
she'd gotten home
and weighed anchor.
Oh, I don't know
why I'm so jealous.
I'm ruining my marriage.
I'm really sorry, Lowell.
If there's anything
that I can do.
Well, could you talk
to Bunny for me?
Maybe convince her
to take me back?
I mean,
I need somebody honest
and articulate and sincere.
And Roy's busy with
that clam chowder contest.
Look, Lowell,
we would really love
to help you, but...
Yeah, I'll talk to
Bunny for you.
Sure, I'd be--
I'd be honored, really.
Thanks, Brian.
Brian, I am telling you
to stay out of this.
You're only gonna screw it up
worse than it already is.
Oh, come on!
No, no, you always
make a big mess
and then I'm the one
that has to clean it up.
Wait, are you talking
about Lowell and Bunny,
or what happened
in the kitchen this morning?
The kitchen?
What happened
in the kitchen?
Oh, hey, hey, hey, relax.
The good news is
I think I killed the roach.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Oh.
Brian?
Hi! Hi, Bunny.
Hi, come on in.
Lowell said
you wanted to see me.
Yes, um, sit down, please.
Would you like some iced tea?
Oh, that would be nice.
Thanks.
Here you go.
That's a, um...
That's a very pretty dress.
Oh, thank you.
I don't get a chance
to wear it much.
I'm on the boat
most of the time,
taking care of the kids.
BRIAN: Right, right.
Look, um, about Lowell.
Uh, is there any way
you could give him
another chance?
Oh, I don't know.
He's so jealous.
I know, I know.
He has a problem.
But when--when you think
about all the problems
he could have but doesn't,
or does have
and keeps to himself, really,
being jealous is--is
not the worst thing
in the world.
I mean,
as a matter of fact,
it kinda proves
that he--he just really
loves you, you know?
(SIGHING)
Gee, you sure do
keep it warm in here.
So the, uh... What?
It's kinda hot in here,
don't you think?
Yeah, a little,
I guess, uh...
Anyway, you know, uh,
I--I really think Lowell,
uh, deserves a chance
to work this out.
I mean, he's such a...
He's such a sweet,
well-meaning guy that...
(SUCKING)
You know...
If--If he ever lost you,
I--I know
that it would just...
It would crush him,
utterly and, uh...
I--I think it'd be
rather easy to stay cool
in that dress.
I don't wear it to stay cool.
I just love the feel
of the hot sun
on my bare shoulders.
Yeah, yeah, so do I.
But then, uh,
couldn't show up to work
wearing just a tie, could I?
Uh, anyway, uh,
you--you know, Lowell
really loves you, Bunny.
Uh, did I mention
that he really loves you?
Well, by cracky,
he does love you.
And, uh, you know,
sometimes when a man
loves a woman,
I mean, he just...
He--He can go
crazy sometimes.
He--He starts to imagine
all sorts of things.
I mean, the--the thought of
you coming onto another man
is so ridiculous.
I mean, it's so outside
the realm of possibility
that, really...
Sorry.
Brian!
What the hell's
going on here?
(STAMMERING)
It's not my fault!
It's not my fault!
It's-- It's her fault!
Now, look, Bunny, uh,
I don't think you understand.
I called you here
'cause I wanted to
help Lowell.
Ah, nuts!
I'm tired of hearing
about Lowell.
I'm tired of being married.
I'm tired of being stuck out
on that leaky old boat.
What good are--are these gifts
that God and Dr. Parkes
have given me
if--if--if
I don't use them?
See, I want to break out
and live a little.
And you're just
the type of guy I'd like
to break out with.
In fact, you're both
that type of guy.
You know, uh,
I've always had this fantasy.
(SCOFFS) Oh, what?
About pilots?
No, but that--that's
a good one.
Brothers?
Well, sure, brothers.
But that's not it, either.
Coworkers.
Coworkers?
Yeah, I've always
wanted to make it
with a couple of coworkers.
Well, uh, Bunny,
I--I'm sorry.
But that is just
not going to happen.
Is it, Joe?
No, it's not!
Yeah! I mean,
it's not gonna happen.
Playing hard to get, huh?
I like that.
If you change your mind,
you know where to find me.
I'm docked out at the pier.
Boom-pa, boom-pa,
boom-pa, boom-pa
That's a catchy
little tune.
What'd I tell you, Brian?
Speech 6, Joe.
No, not Speech 6.
Speech 3.
No, Speech 6.
You were right.
You gave me good advice.
I should've listened to you.
It was a mistake for me
to ever get involved.
Yeah, well, it was.
What's Speech 3?
Every Barry Manilow song
is different
and if I can't
tell them apart,
it's because I haven't been
listening closely enough.
Well, that's true, too.
In some, he's happy.
And in others,
he's just ended
a relationship.
But that's not
the point here!
You--You...
It is too late to go back
on this Bunny situation.
Now you've gotta tell Lowell
that he was right all along.
His wife is a tramp.
No, hey, I can't
tell Lowell!
I'm the one his wife
was just coming on to.
You have to help me out here.
You have to tell Lowell.
Oh, I knew it! I knew it!
I knew you'd get me
involved in this.
I just knew it!
You can see the future!
That's just one of your many
and abundant gifts, Joe.
Speech 4.
What? Career opportunities
only come to those
who deserve them?
Oh, well, what--what is
the one that says,
"I'm not bailing you out.
You made your bed,
now you have to sleep in it?"
No, there isn't one.
Well, there is now.
Ah, great. Gotta tell Lowell
and learn a new speech.
(BRIAN WHISTLING)
So, Brian,
how'd it go with Bunny?
She ready
to take me back?
Uh...
Got a little lipstick
on your collar there, Brian.
Oh, you flyboys!
Uh, listen, Lowell,
you know, uh,
Bunny's got
a lot of good qualities...
Boy, that's a coincidence.
But she's starting to...
Who'd have thought
that you and Bunny
would wear the same fragrance?
But I'm sorry,
I interrupted you again.
Uh, yeah, well,
what I was starting
to say is that, uh,
Bunny's got a lot
of good qualities
and she's starting to...
Hair's a little
messed up, Brian.
Where do you get
the energy? You dog!
Right.
But--But--But really,
what I was starting
to say is...
Well, that reminds me
of a story. Once when I...
No, no. Lowell!
Lowell, listen to me.
Bunny has been
coming on to other men.
What?
She came on to me.
Wow.
You--You were right
all along.
You weren't
imagining anything.
Now, if--if--if there's
anything I can do.
Nah, I've got some work to do
out there in the hangar.
Hey, listen, Lowell. Lowell,
you wanna talk about it?
Okay.
Got to fix a nose strut.
Think the housing
needs to be rewired...
No! About Bunny.
Oh.
Nah, I just feel
like being alone.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Do you mind if I taste that?
I have a weakness
for the fried foods.
No, go ahead.
This is not bad, huh?
What do you call it?
Fried clams.
Where are you going?
I only have about 20 minutes
to get to the hospital.
And I have to stop for gas.
I--I--I was just out
in the hangar
looking for Lowell,
and I found
the most curious note.
"Leaving my shift early.
Can't get Bunny off my mind.
"I'm thinking about
ending it all.
So long. Lowell."
Oh, my God. My God.
Oh, you don't think
Lowell would do
something stupid, do you?
ROY: Gee, what are the odds?
Hey, uh,
has anyone seen Lowell?
'Cause when I flew in,
I could have sworn
I saw him perched
on the steeple
of the Unitarian Church.
Oh, oh, the steeple!
Oh, my God!
No, no, no, no.
What's wrong?
What happened?
You gotta come with me.
Um--Um--Um,
Lowell left this note.
He's very depressed.
We gotta get him down.
Oh, I knew it!
Now, I told you
not to get involved in this,
but did you listen?
No!
BRIAN: Don't do it, Lowell!
Just sit tight!
Joe's on his way up!
He's taking his
sweet time about it,
but he is on his way up!
JOE: Do you want to do this,
Mr. "I'm afraid of heights"?
BRIAN: Uh,
he'll be there, Lowell.
Just hang on, my friend!
Whoa, this is steep.
That's why they call it
a steeple, Joe.
BRIAN:
Don't look down, Joe!
Will you shut up?
Oh, hey,
is that the tone of voice
you're using with Lowell?
'Cause if it is,
why don't I just make a big
red "X" on the sidewalk?
Lowell, this is crazy.
You shouldn't be up here.
Now I know how
you must feel about Bunny,
but you gotta come down.
No, Joe, not now.
I'm still thinking about
whether or not
I should end it all.
You can't end it all, Lowell.
No matter what has happened,
you can recover from it.
Your--Your future
stretches out as far as
the eye can see.
Oh, cool, I can see
my house from here.
Lowell, can we discuss this
on the ground?
No, Joe.
Still haven't decided
whether I'm gonna
end my marriage
or stay with Bunny.
That's why you're up here?
To decide whether
you're gonna stay with Bunny?
Yeah.
This is an excellent place
to clear my head.
(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)
Yeah, I can see why.
Uh, so,
you're not gonna jump?
Joe, please.
If I jumped from up here,
I'd kill myself.
Have a seat.
BRIAN: Is everything
all right up there?
Yeah, I think so.
Good!
I think I'm gonna
sit in the car.
It's starting to get
a little nippy out here.
So, Lowell,
you've been up here
for quite a while.
You made any decisions?
Well, at first I thought
the only thing I could do
was to end the marriage.
But then I thought
if I could just get over
the jealousy thing
and accept that Bunny
was gonna play around,
well, maybe we can
make a go of it.
But then you thought about it
again and realized
that was ridiculous.
I did?
Look, I am all for
going that extra mile
to save a troubled marriage,
but you at least have to
stand up for yourself.
Now you have got to stop
blaming yourself for this
and put the blame
where it belongs, on her.
You have every right
to be angry.
Well, if I get mad,
then Bunny's gonna leave me.
She's already left you,
Lowell.
I know, Joe.
I know.
Did I ever tell you
about the first time
I met Bunny?
She was standing
right down there
at the end of that pier.
Sun on her face,
wind in her hair.
She was gutting
a sea bass.
God, was she beautiful!
She was the first girl
I ever fell in love with.
I guess deep down
I just find it hard
to believe that
she would've ever done
anything like this to me.
All right, Lowell.
If I could give you
absolute proof,
if you could see Bunny
for what she is
with your own two eyes,
would that finally
give you permission
to be angry?
Absolute proof?
Incontrovertible.
Huh?
Absolute.
Yeah, I guess it would.
All right, Lowell.
I hate to do this,
but here, look.
See that couple down there
in that convertible,
making out in the back seat?
Hey, that's Bunny
and Fred Haney.
Boy, that Fred's
a hell of a bowler.
Lowell!
So I should get mad now?
Yes!
I see you, Bunny.
And you, too, Fred Haney!
Well, you're not gonna
make a fool out of me anymore,
woman! We're through!
You're nothing but a cheap...
(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)
And you, too, Fred Haney!
I'm gonna hit you so hard,
your teeth are gonna
go down your throat,
and you're gonna be
smiling out your...
(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)
Excuse me.
No, no, no, no. No way.
Wait just a minute.
We don't need
anyone around here
chanting and hitting
people up for money.
Now, uh, get out of here
before I call the police
and have you dragged away
by those little tufts
at the back of your head.
We're not working
the airport.
We're just coming
off the plane.
We take vacations,
too, you know.
(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
I'm sorry. E-Enjoy your stay.
And don't forget
the sunscreen.
(SEAGULLS CAWING)
So, what do you think,
Antonio?
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
It's magnificent.
Helen makes some of the best
quahog chowder on the island.
It is so creamy.
It's so smooth.
Just one question.
Quahog, quahog.
What is this "quahog"?
Oh! It's the local name
for clams.
Oh, no.
Oh, this is no good.
Why?
I am allergic
to the clam.
When I eat them,
my throat begins
to constrict,
my tongue swells.
(RASPING) I often have
to seek medical help.
Where are you going?
To the hospital.
(ALMOST INDISTINCTLY)
Hi, Roy. How are you today?
I can never understand a word
that spaghetti-head is saying.
ROY: Well, ladies!
You are looking
at the next winner
of the Nantucket Clam
Chowder Cook-off.
Yeah, what makes you think
you have a prayer?
Maybe it's the fact that
before Martha Blankenship
moved her saggy butt
to Delaware,
she sold me her
prize-winning recipe.
(CACKLING)
What? Roy, that's not fair!
Aw, fair is for losers.
I'm looking at a couple
of big ones.
You see,
the secret is the clams.
Martha told me
exactly what to do.
I rake them up
from a special cove
where they feed
on dark-green kelp
and nutrient-rich
microorganisms.
This cove wouldn't be the area
around your shower, would it?
(LAUGHING)
Oh, sure. Sure, sure,
laugh now.
But when the winner's
announced and they hoist me
up on their shoulders,
we'll see who's
laughing then.
It sure won't be
those people carrying him.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(SNORING)
Hey, Joe, I was thinking,
why don't we...
(SHUSHING)
(SNORING)
There it is again.
Did you hear that?
It sounds like snoring
coming from the plane.
Yeah, it does.
Anyway, I was thinking...
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
(SNORING)
JOE: It's Lowell!
He's naked. Aw, jeez!
Wake up, Lowell.
Joe, Brian. Hi.
Lowell,
why are you sleeping nude
in the airplane?
I always sleep
in the nude, Joe.
Yeah, but why in the Cessna?
I had no place else to go.
Bunny kicked me off the boat.
What? How come?
Ah, she's sick of my jealousy.
I keep thinking
she's seeing other men.
Actually called her
the "U" word.
Called her unfaithful?
No, I called her unsatiable.
That's insatiable.
You called her the "I" word.
No, the "I" word
is indiscreet.
Can we move on here?
No, wait, You're--
You're jealous,
Lowell? Why?
Well, I just keep thinking
that Bunny's seeing other men.
Do you have proof?
Uh, nothing definite.
Bunny says
it's all in my head.
Come on, Lowell.
You know that Bunny
is a good wife.
She takes care of the kids.
She takes care of you.
Takes care of the boys
of Operation Desert Storm!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Stop that!
Y-You're letting
your jealousy
get the best of you.
You know what you should do?
Hey, hey, hey, Brian.
Brian, stay out of this.
Yeah, I know, I know.
You know what you should do?
Take Bunny out
to a restaurant,
order some wine,
some flowers,
some candlelight.
You know, tell her
that you love her
and tell her
that you're sorry.
And tell her
that you'll learn
to control your jealousy.
She will take you back.
She will take you back.
Hey, Brian, Brian, listen.
Don't get involved.
This is between
Lowell and Bunny.
A restaurant, you say?
Well, I'll try anything.
Got our marriage to protect.
But first I'm gonna
go out and have me
a little breakfast.
Uh, Lowell.
Uh, before you go out there,
shouldn't you do something
first, hmm?
Oh! Of course.
Oh, boy, that would have
been embarrassing.
No shoes, no service.
Feast your eyes on it, ladies.
This is the chowder
that's gonna win
the blue ribbon
in the contest this afternoon.
(EXHALES WITH SATISFACTION)
Oh, knock it off.
We're wise to you, mister.
What do you mean?
There is no secret clam beds.
We took the liberty of
following you last night
after you left. Fay?
FAY: Yes. "6:32 p.m.
"Stopped off
at the video store,
"went straight
to the adult section.
"Rented something
called Robin Hood
and His Merry Women.
"7:44 p.m.,
arrived home, showered,
"danced by yourself
in front of the mirror
"for a good 15 minutes.
"8:31 p.m.,
walked into the supermarket
wearing sunglasses.
"Approached Aisle 7
"and picked out a dozen cans
of Old Seabrook Clam Chowder."
Store-bought soup, Roy.
How could you?
Well, how do you think I felt
when I found out
Martha's prize-winning
secret came in a can?
I--I--I... Oh,
I don't know what to say.
You can say you're gonna
withdraw from the contest.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'm-- I'm... Oh,
Helen, I'm so ashamed.
I--I can't even
look you in the eye.
Well, try, Roy,
because right now you're
looking at my breasts.
BRIAN: Hey, Lowell.
Lowell, Lowell.
So, uh,
how'd dinner with Bunny go?
Oh, it was a disaster.
I accused her of
flirting with the waiter,
she ran out
of the restaurant.
Did you go after her?
Well, I tried.
But after I got through
tipping the sommelier,
the maitre d'
and a guy I thought
was the parking valet,
still some question
in my mind about that one,
she'd gotten home
and weighed anchor.
Oh, I don't know
why I'm so jealous.
I'm ruining my marriage.
I'm really sorry, Lowell.
If there's anything
that I can do.
Well, could you talk
to Bunny for me?
Maybe convince her
to take me back?
I mean,
I need somebody honest
and articulate and sincere.
And Roy's busy with
that clam chowder contest.
Look, Lowell,
we would really love
to help you, but...
Yeah, I'll talk to
Bunny for you.
Sure, I'd be--
I'd be honored, really.
Thanks, Brian.
Brian, I am telling you
to stay out of this.
You're only gonna screw it up
worse than it already is.
Oh, come on!
No, no, you always
make a big mess
and then I'm the one
that has to clean it up.
Wait, are you talking
about Lowell and Bunny,
or what happened
in the kitchen this morning?
The kitchen?
What happened
in the kitchen?
Oh, hey, hey, hey, relax.
The good news is
I think I killed the roach.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Oh.
Brian?
Hi! Hi, Bunny.
Hi, come on in.
Lowell said
you wanted to see me.
Yes, um, sit down, please.
Would you like some iced tea?
Oh, that would be nice.
Thanks.
Here you go.
That's a, um...
That's a very pretty dress.
Oh, thank you.
I don't get a chance
to wear it much.
I'm on the boat
most of the time,
taking care of the kids.
BRIAN: Right, right.
Look, um, about Lowell.
Uh, is there any way
you could give him
another chance?
Oh, I don't know.
He's so jealous.
I know, I know.
He has a problem.
But when--when you think
about all the problems
he could have but doesn't,
or does have
and keeps to himself, really,
being jealous is--is
not the worst thing
in the world.
I mean,
as a matter of fact,
it kinda proves
that he--he just really
loves you, you know?
(SIGHING)
Gee, you sure do
keep it warm in here.
So the, uh... What?
It's kinda hot in here,
don't you think?
Yeah, a little,
I guess, uh...
Anyway, you know, uh,
I--I really think Lowell,
uh, deserves a chance
to work this out.
I mean, he's such a...
He's such a sweet,
well-meaning guy that...
(SUCKING)
You know...
If--If he ever lost you,
I--I know
that it would just...
It would crush him,
utterly and, uh...
I--I think it'd be
rather easy to stay cool
in that dress.
I don't wear it to stay cool.
I just love the feel
of the hot sun
on my bare shoulders.
Yeah, yeah, so do I.
But then, uh,
couldn't show up to work
wearing just a tie, could I?
Uh, anyway, uh,
you--you know, Lowell
really loves you, Bunny.
Uh, did I mention
that he really loves you?
Well, by cracky,
he does love you.
And, uh, you know,
sometimes when a man
loves a woman,
I mean, he just...
He--He can go
crazy sometimes.
He--He starts to imagine
all sorts of things.
I mean, the--the thought of
you coming onto another man
is so ridiculous.
I mean, it's so outside
the realm of possibility
that, really...
Sorry.
Brian!
What the hell's
going on here?
(STAMMERING)
It's not my fault!
It's not my fault!
It's-- It's her fault!
Now, look, Bunny, uh,
I don't think you understand.
I called you here
'cause I wanted to
help Lowell.
Ah, nuts!
I'm tired of hearing
about Lowell.
I'm tired of being married.
I'm tired of being stuck out
on that leaky old boat.
What good are--are these gifts
that God and Dr. Parkes
have given me
if--if--if
I don't use them?
See, I want to break out
and live a little.
And you're just
the type of guy I'd like
to break out with.
In fact, you're both
that type of guy.
You know, uh,
I've always had this fantasy.
(SCOFFS) Oh, what?
About pilots?
No, but that--that's
a good one.
Brothers?
Well, sure, brothers.
But that's not it, either.
Coworkers.
Coworkers?
Yeah, I've always
wanted to make it
with a couple of coworkers.
Well, uh, Bunny,
I--I'm sorry.
But that is just
not going to happen.
Is it, Joe?
No, it's not!
Yeah! I mean,
it's not gonna happen.
Playing hard to get, huh?
I like that.
If you change your mind,
you know where to find me.
I'm docked out at the pier.
Boom-pa, boom-pa,
boom-pa, boom-pa
That's a catchy
little tune.
What'd I tell you, Brian?
Speech 6, Joe.
No, not Speech 6.
Speech 3.
No, Speech 6.
You were right.
You gave me good advice.
I should've listened to you.
It was a mistake for me
to ever get involved.
Yeah, well, it was.
What's Speech 3?
Every Barry Manilow song
is different
and if I can't
tell them apart,
it's because I haven't been
listening closely enough.
Well, that's true, too.
In some, he's happy.
And in others,
he's just ended
a relationship.
But that's not
the point here!
You--You...
It is too late to go back
on this Bunny situation.
Now you've gotta tell Lowell
that he was right all along.
His wife is a tramp.
No, hey, I can't
tell Lowell!
I'm the one his wife
was just coming on to.
You have to help me out here.
You have to tell Lowell.
Oh, I knew it! I knew it!
I knew you'd get me
involved in this.
I just knew it!
You can see the future!
That's just one of your many
and abundant gifts, Joe.
Speech 4.
What? Career opportunities
only come to those
who deserve them?
Oh, well, what--what is
the one that says,
"I'm not bailing you out.
You made your bed,
now you have to sleep in it?"
No, there isn't one.
Well, there is now.
Ah, great. Gotta tell Lowell
and learn a new speech.
(BRIAN WHISTLING)
So, Brian,
how'd it go with Bunny?
She ready
to take me back?
Uh...
Got a little lipstick
on your collar there, Brian.
Oh, you flyboys!
Uh, listen, Lowell,
you know, uh,
Bunny's got
a lot of good qualities...
Boy, that's a coincidence.
But she's starting to...
Who'd have thought
that you and Bunny
would wear the same fragrance?
But I'm sorry,
I interrupted you again.
Uh, yeah, well,
what I was starting
to say is that, uh,
Bunny's got a lot
of good qualities
and she's starting to...
Hair's a little
messed up, Brian.
Where do you get
the energy? You dog!
Right.
But--But--But really,
what I was starting
to say is...
Well, that reminds me
of a story. Once when I...
No, no. Lowell!
Lowell, listen to me.
Bunny has been
coming on to other men.
What?
She came on to me.
Wow.
You--You were right
all along.
You weren't
imagining anything.
Now, if--if--if there's
anything I can do.
Nah, I've got some work to do
out there in the hangar.
Hey, listen, Lowell. Lowell,
you wanna talk about it?
Okay.
Got to fix a nose strut.
Think the housing
needs to be rewired...
No! About Bunny.
Oh.
Nah, I just feel
like being alone.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Do you mind if I taste that?
I have a weakness
for the fried foods.
No, go ahead.
This is not bad, huh?
What do you call it?
Fried clams.
Where are you going?
I only have about 20 minutes
to get to the hospital.
And I have to stop for gas.
I--I--I was just out
in the hangar
looking for Lowell,
and I found
the most curious note.
"Leaving my shift early.
Can't get Bunny off my mind.
"I'm thinking about
ending it all.
So long. Lowell."
Oh, my God. My God.
Oh, you don't think
Lowell would do
something stupid, do you?
ROY: Gee, what are the odds?
Hey, uh,
has anyone seen Lowell?
'Cause when I flew in,
I could have sworn
I saw him perched
on the steeple
of the Unitarian Church.
Oh, oh, the steeple!
Oh, my God!
No, no, no, no.
What's wrong?
What happened?
You gotta come with me.
Um--Um--Um,
Lowell left this note.
He's very depressed.
We gotta get him down.
Oh, I knew it!
Now, I told you
not to get involved in this,
but did you listen?
No!
BRIAN: Don't do it, Lowell!
Just sit tight!
Joe's on his way up!
He's taking his
sweet time about it,
but he is on his way up!
JOE: Do you want to do this,
Mr. "I'm afraid of heights"?
BRIAN: Uh,
he'll be there, Lowell.
Just hang on, my friend!
Whoa, this is steep.
That's why they call it
a steeple, Joe.
BRIAN:
Don't look down, Joe!
Will you shut up?
Oh, hey,
is that the tone of voice
you're using with Lowell?
'Cause if it is,
why don't I just make a big
red "X" on the sidewalk?
Lowell, this is crazy.
You shouldn't be up here.
Now I know how
you must feel about Bunny,
but you gotta come down.
No, Joe, not now.
I'm still thinking about
whether or not
I should end it all.
You can't end it all, Lowell.
No matter what has happened,
you can recover from it.
Your--Your future
stretches out as far as
the eye can see.
Oh, cool, I can see
my house from here.
Lowell, can we discuss this
on the ground?
No, Joe.
Still haven't decided
whether I'm gonna
end my marriage
or stay with Bunny.
That's why you're up here?
To decide whether
you're gonna stay with Bunny?
Yeah.
This is an excellent place
to clear my head.
(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)
Yeah, I can see why.
Uh, so,
you're not gonna jump?
Joe, please.
If I jumped from up here,
I'd kill myself.
Have a seat.
BRIAN: Is everything
all right up there?
Yeah, I think so.
Good!
I think I'm gonna
sit in the car.
It's starting to get
a little nippy out here.
So, Lowell,
you've been up here
for quite a while.
You made any decisions?
Well, at first I thought
the only thing I could do
was to end the marriage.
But then I thought
if I could just get over
the jealousy thing
and accept that Bunny
was gonna play around,
well, maybe we can
make a go of it.
But then you thought about it
again and realized
that was ridiculous.
I did?
Look, I am all for
going that extra mile
to save a troubled marriage,
but you at least have to
stand up for yourself.
Now you have got to stop
blaming yourself for this
and put the blame
where it belongs, on her.
You have every right
to be angry.
Well, if I get mad,
then Bunny's gonna leave me.
She's already left you,
Lowell.
I know, Joe.
I know.
Did I ever tell you
about the first time
I met Bunny?
She was standing
right down there
at the end of that pier.
Sun on her face,
wind in her hair.
She was gutting
a sea bass.
God, was she beautiful!
She was the first girl
I ever fell in love with.
I guess deep down
I just find it hard
to believe that
she would've ever done
anything like this to me.
All right, Lowell.
If I could give you
absolute proof,
if you could see Bunny
for what she is
with your own two eyes,
would that finally
give you permission
to be angry?
Absolute proof?
Incontrovertible.
Huh?
Absolute.
Yeah, I guess it would.
All right, Lowell.
I hate to do this,
but here, look.
See that couple down there
in that convertible,
making out in the back seat?
Hey, that's Bunny
and Fred Haney.
Boy, that Fred's
a hell of a bowler.
Lowell!
So I should get mad now?
Yes!
I see you, Bunny.
And you, too, Fred Haney!
Well, you're not gonna
make a fool out of me anymore,
woman! We're through!
You're nothing but a cheap...
(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)
And you, too, Fred Haney!
I'm gonna hit you so hard,
your teeth are gonna
go down your throat,
and you're gonna be
smiling out your...
(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)