Wings (1990–1997): Season 3, Episode 3 - The Taming of the Shrew - full transcript

Now if you'll all follow me,
we'll have a look
at the main terminal.

Built in 1970,
renovated three years ago,

it was recently painted
by the famous
Nantucket painter,

Bill, the painter man.

Lowell, Lowell, Lowell.
Who are, uh...
Who are the moppets?

Oh, they're from
the North Street Orphanage.

Giving them a tour
of the old airport.

Just my way
of giving something back
to North Street.

Lowell, you weren't an orphan.

No, but my brother was.

(SEAGULLS CAWING)



Fay, have you seen Gail?

No, I haven't.

Oh, great. She picks
today to be late.

Why?
What's the big deal, bro?

We're flyin' up
to Maine for the weekend,

and I'd like
to get out of here
before Helen shows up.

This whole situation
is making me really uptight.

Oh, you were
born uptight, Joe.

You were the only breech birth
in medical history

to wipe his feet
on the way out.

Look, I would
just like to avoid

having my current
and former girlfriends
cross paths,

especially with Helen
so angry.

Hi, honey.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Hi.



I had a little trouble
with my car.

Oh, it's no problem.
Let's just go
before we run into Helen.

Oh, yes, the wacko
you used to date.

She's not a wacko.
She's just a little
high-strung lately.

Oh, look, Joe,
I am tired of avoiding her.

You and I are together now,
and she's gonna have
to learn to live with that.

I know,
but you know how Helen gets.

HELEN: No, Joe.

How do I get?

Hey, hey, Helen!
Look, honey, it's Helen.

Oh, man, this is just
what I wanted to avoid.
Let's get out of here.

Have a good time
in Maine.

Oh! We're going to Maine
for the weekend!

Just Saturday and Sunday.
I wouldn't really call it
a weekend.

What would you call it?

I'm gonna wait in the plane.

Yeah, I'll wait with you.

(AIRPLANE ENGINE WHIRRING)

Oh, I'm just so glad
Joe gets to go to Maine.

We always meant
to go to Maine, but no,
we never made it.

I always wanted to go,
but no, he's too busy.

She wants to go to Maine

and it's,
"Pack your clam diggers,
baby!"

Maine.

If I hear that word
one more time,
I'm gonna scream.

Maine.

I thought you said
you'd scream.

I'm a wacko.
I'm unpredictable.

Phew!
Somebody sure poured pepper
in her panties.

I may be way off here,
but does anybody else think

that Helen's
not handling her anger
as well as she might?

Oh, I do. She's been
in a positive snit lately.

Without condoning
Fay's filthy language,
I fully concur.

You don't think
she'd do something violent,
do you?

You know, the other night,
she asked me if I knew
how to bleed a brake line?

At the time I thought
it was just polite chitchat,

but in light of this...

I-I'm really starting
to get worried about her.

Do you want to say
something to her, Fay?
Not really.

Me neither.
Forget I ever brought it up.

Mi scusi, Fay, Brian.

I was sitting,
waiting for a fare.

I could not help to overhear.

I will talk to Helen.

One thing Antonio knows
is women.

ANTONIO: Beautiful Helen,
you are so sad.

Your face is like
a beautiful sky
filled with dark clouds.

Please,

take this flower and smile.

I was this close
to bada-bing.

Well, maybe we ought
to tackle this as a group.

You know,
I heard about this thing
called intervention

where a group of friends
get together

to confront someone
with a problem.

Often, it's just the push
they need to seek help.

So, no bada-bing?

Oh, what the heck. I'm in.

Uh, we can use Joe's office.

Now, uh, Roy,
we need some bodies for this.

Do you think that you could
just stand quietly in the room

and not say anything nasty?

Hey!

I care as much about Helen
as the rest of you.

I'm a sensitive guy.

While we're in there,
anyone mind if I clip
my toenails?

Hence the phrase,
"Burned beyond recognition."

BRIAN: Lowell...

We need to see you
for a second.
All righty.

Okay, kids, want you to sit
right over here.

Be good little boys and girls.

Don't want a repeat
of that behavioral problem
we had out by the fuel pump.

And remember, no playing
with matches near Todd.

Okay, Lowell, Lowell.
What we're doin' here

is something where
a bunch of people
get together

and they confront
one of their friends,
who has, uh,

a serious problem.

Damn it, you guys
are the best friends
a fella could have.

Well, I'll get help
immediately.

What's my problem?

You're an idiot.

No, uh, Lowell,
this is for Helen.
Oh.

She needs help
getting over Joe.

Uh, I'm trying to remember
how this goes.

We did it for Emma Frost
from my knitting class

when she'd taken
to drinking.

It was-- It was obvious
she had a problem.

All she ever knitted
were bourbon cozies.

Of course,
they were quite lovely.

They had these little rosettes
on the side and...

Could we just
get on with this?

All right.

Uh, now, everybody
follow my lead.

Helen?

Could you come in here
for a second, please?

That's right,
leave the knife there.

She's coming.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Roy.

What? What is it?

Hey, what's going on here?

Helen, this is
an intervention.

You have a problem

and you're being confronted
with it by a group
of close, caring friends.

And Roy.

You're kidding.
No, no, you're not handling
this breakup well at all.

And your anger just seems
to be getting worse.

(CLAMORING)
Oh, go hose off.

Now, wait a second.
No, Helen, you don't seem
to understand.

You're not gonna leave
this office until you admit
you need some help.

(DOOR CLOSING)

Damn.
Another door.

She's beautiful and smart.

Helen Chapel!
You get back in here
this minute!

Now, Helen,

we've thought this through
and we think we know
what's best for you.

Okay.

Just for the sake of argument,
I need help.

What kind of help
do you suggest I get?

Uh, could you excuse us
a second, dear?

So what now,
Madam Rorschach?

Uh, well, let's see.

They gave Emma some drug
that made her throw up
every time she tasted alcohol.

I think I drove her home
that night.

(CLEARING THROAT)
Come on, guys,
let's put our heads together

and try to think about this
for a minute. Okay?

(CLIPPING)

It helps me think.

I believe
this belongs to you.

FAY: You know,
I did hear about a group.

I think it's called
"Transitions."

It helps people
deal with the pain
of ending a relationship.

Mmm, group therapy
in a loving,
nurturing environment,

led by trained professionals.

You know, it's--
it's just crazy enough
to work.

Oh, gosh, I'm gonna be late
for my "Transitions" meeting.

Ah, good luck, Helen.
Thank you.

But before you go,
a word of caution.

These groups,
they can be dangerous.

Dangerous?

The room will be full
of lonely, vulnerable women
like yourself.

There are men who come
to these meetings

only to prey
on such weaknesses.

You never know
when, uh, men such as these
will crawl out of their holes.

You seem to know
an awful lot about this,
Antonio.

I drive a cab. I hear things.

Helen, Helen, Helen,
Helen, Helen...

Look, uh, I--I know
this is gonna be
a tough night for you and...

I just want to say that
if you need somebody there
to support you,

I-I'd be willing
to go along with you.

You'd do that for me?
Yeah, come on.

We're friends.
We're friends forever, huh?
Come on.

Thanks a lot.
Hey, you bet.

Oh, and, uh,
if any woman shows
the slightest interest in me,

we don't know each other.
Gotcha.

Well, Harry,
it sounds like you've made
excellent progress this week.

When you're ready,
we'd love to have you
share your experience...

Is it me, or is everyone
in here kind of old?

Yeah, I think the only chance
I have of picking up
a woman here

is if one falls
and can't get up.

May I help you?

I think we're in
the wrong place.
Yeah.

We were looking
for the "Transitions" group.

Oh, uh, that's us.

Oh.

I'm sorry.
I, uh, didn't
expect th-this.

I thought the group
would be a little...
Younger.

I guess you weren't told
that we're a branch of
the Nantucket Senior Center.

Oh! No.
Oh, yeah, okay.

BRIAN: Come on, Helen...
No, no, we would be very happy
if you stayed.

U-U-Unless you think
that people of our age
and experience

have nothing to offer.

These two seats taken?
SANDY: No.

So, we were just hearing
from Harry here.

Harry was recently widowed,

and he's made
a major breakthrough
in the last week.

Would you like
to continue, Harry?

Last Saturday night,
I went out to dinner
all by myself

for the first time
since my wife died.

Small steps, Harry.
Small steps.

And I learned something, too.

What's that?

If you cry during dessert,
you get your meal free.

So, uh, next.

Why don't we hear
from... Helen, is it?

Me?

Tell us,
what kind of transition
are you dealing with?

I-I'm sorry. I...

I'm not very
comfortable with...

She just broke up
with my brother, Joe.

She's having
a very tough time
dealing with it.

Thank you, Brian.

Listen, maybe we could move on
to another member
of the group.

Let's say Brian here.
Uh, me?

(CHUCKLING)
Yes.

Oh, all right, Brian, uh...

Why don't you tell us
about your pain?

Pain? No, I--I really
don't have any pain.

I mean,
I only came here to, uh...

I don't even know
why I came here, really.

Brian, are you saying
that you have never been
hurt in a relationship?

Nope, never once.
Oh, come on, Brian.

Never once!
Your wife left you
and moved in with another man.

Yeah, okay, fine.
Yeah, all right, great.
Okay, okay.

Carol, uh, did leave me,

but that marriage
was doomed from the beginning.

When it ended, it ended.
That's it!

So you don't miss her?

No, not at all. Miss her.

Ah, sometimes a little bit
around Christmas,
but I mean,

who doesn't have
those feelings
around the holidays, right?

Yeah.
And on birthdays,
little bit, little bit.

Yeah, Carol used to give me
the same present every year.

The only surprise
was where she put the bow.

(CHUCKLES)

What do you want?
It's, like, it's...

Yes, that's two days
out of the whole year.
You know, two lousy days.

Three. Three days
if--if you count
our anniversary.

We used to make dinner
for each other.

Yeah, dinner by candlelight.

Then we'd just sit and stare
into each other's eyes

until the candles burn out.

Still got
those candleholders somewhere.

God knows why I hold onto 'em.
I should give 'em away or...

Throw 'em out or...

(CRYING)
Oh, God, Carol!
She's gone!

She's gone. She's gone.
She's really gone!
There, there!

Let it all out!
Let it all out.

(SOBBING)

Okay, okay, so...
O-Okay, so the--the--
the question is,

what--what is it about me

that would make
Carol treat me

the way she did?
I--I--I think
the answer can be found

if we go deeper
into my childhood.

Oh, Brian, Brian,
Brian, Brian, Brian.

Uh... May I interrupt
you there for a moment?

Perhaps we can get back
to the other members

before our time is up?
W-W-Why?

How long do we have the room?
I wasn't talking
about the room.

Helen, uh, perhaps
we can return to you now.

Listen, I'm sure
you all mean well,

but I just don't feel
comfortable talking about this
in front of strangers.

Oh, well, uh,
here's an idea.

Why don't we try
a little role play?

I mean, one of our men here
could pretend to be Joe

and the two of you
could have a conversation.

No, I don't think so,
but thank you...

Oh, oh, come on, go ahead.
I mean, Harry here
is very good at this.

Yep!

Uh, last week
I was a 90-year-old
black lady.

I really don't think so.

Oh, come on. No, no, come on.
Here, you just try it.
I--I--I would prefer...

SANDY: There we are. Okay?

Well, okay.

Hi, Helen.

Hi, Joe.
SANDY: Yeah...

Small steps, Helen,
small steps.

Now, uh, tell Joe

what you really think of him.

(LAUGHS)

No, I couldn't tell him
what I really think of Joe.
Use me. I'm a tool.

Okay.

Joe...

You shouldn't have treated me
the way you did.

You lied to me.

You tricked me.

You let me believe
we had a relationship.

Just who the hell
do you think you are?

Two-timing me
with some floozy.

I'll tell you who you are.

You're a no-good
cheat, liar,

pious, self-righteous SOB

and I'd like
to bite your head off

and spit down your neck!

I don't wanna play anymore!

Here, Helen...

Helen.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You've all been very sweet
and understanding

but this just isn't
working for me.

Look, you have been
keeping your feelings
bottled up inside you

and--and you've just begun
to let them out.

Now if you can't
continue here with us,

isn't there someone else
that you can talk to?

Yes, of course there is.
I always talk...

How could I be so stupid?

Thank you all.

Thank you all very much.
Good night.

(DOOR CLOSING)

Well, I guess that takes care
of everyone.

No way. Nobody moves.

Harry, you're Carol.

She's not here.

Oh, what a shame.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hey, I had a great time.
Me, too.

Guess I'll see you tomorrow.

And, uh, this...

is for the most
wonderful weekend
a woman ever had.

Now, there goes a woman
who never spent a weekend
with Roy Biggins.

You mean
she hasn't been chained
to your furnace?

Hi, Joe.
Helen's looking for you.

She's out in the hangar
in her Jeep.
What?

What?

Helen, stop and think!

You don't wanna do this.

I'm not gonna
ram your office, Joe.
Sure, sure.

Now get out,

and step away
from the vehicle.

There. Are you happy now?

Now put the keys on the floor
and kick 'em over here.

I drove the jeep in here
just to show you
I can get this far

from your office
and not want
to drive through it.

Uh-huh, uh-huh,
uh-huh, the keys.

Joe, you don't understand.

I went
to this meeting tonight.
Helen...

I-I've really
been trying to control
this anger that...

Helen...
All right!
Take the damn keys.

Thank you.

By the way, I think
you're making real progress
with that anger thing.

I finally figured out
why this has been
so tough for me.

Do you remember
back in high school

when Phil Steffan
asked me to the spring dance?

I'd always dreamed
of going out with him

but figured
he'd never ask me out
because I was fat.

Well, he finally did.

When we got to the dance,

I overheard
some of his buddies laughing

and saying that Phil
only asked me out
to win a bet.

Do you remember
what happened then, Joe?

Yeah,
you pretty much Hoovered
the dessert table.

After that?

I walked you home,
didn't I?

Right.

Then you sat with me
on the front porch swing

and you let me cry
on your shoulder.

Don't you see?
Every time something rotten
happened in my life,

you were always there.

I could always run to you.

And the problem was,
this time,

the rotten thing that happened
was you.

And there was nowhere
for my anger to turn.

You kind of parked
at my office
a couple of times.

(LAUGHING)
Sorry.

But see, that's what's
so damned frustrating.

It wasn't
that I lost my boyfriend.

I lost my best friend.

No, you didn't.

I'm still your best friend.

I'm going to tell you now
what I told you on
that porch swing.

Any guy who would hurt
a girl like you

has gotta be a real jerk.

(WHIMPERING)
Joe...

Two shoulders.
No waiting.

(HELEN SIGHING)

Split ends.

Gail should get
a new conditioner.

You know,
if you spent
some time with her,

you might actually
hit it off.
Small steps, Joe, small steps.

Well, I guess I should
get this thing out of here.

Well, actually, uh...

I'd kind of like
to back it out.

Joe, after the conversation
we just had,

you're worried
that I might...
No! I'm-- I'm not worried.

I'd just like to do it.

Okay, friend?

(CAR KEYS CLINKING)
Suit yourself.

(CAR ENGINE STARTING)

(GEARS GRINDING)

Oh, Joe, be careful.
Sometimes it's difficult
shifting into...

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Reverse.