Wings (1990–1997): Season 3, Episode 14 - Stew in a Stew - full transcript

(PLANE ENGINE HUMMING)

Whoa!

(CHUCKLING)

Hey, you know,
oh, you know,
sometimes this--

this flight can get
a little rocky, you know?

I gotta tell you the truth,
every so often even
I get a little jumpy.

But, um, I tell you,
for some reason,
I feel totally calm today.

It's like there's somebody
watching over me

and there's no reason
to worry at all.

Is that crazy?

WOMAN: No. Not at all.



Oh, good.

(LAUGHING)

On the other hand,
there's always a possibility
this could turn out to be

one of God's little jokes.

(RATTLING)

(SIGHING)

Morning, Antonio.
Morning, Helen.
Morning, Fay.

Coffee and a doughnut,
please.

We're out of doughnuts.

Oh, that's right.
Good morning, Roy.

Brian, do you know
what day it is today?

I certainly do. It's our
annual evaluation day.

I'm surprised you remembered.

You kidding me?
I can just hear Joe now.



"As you know, it's that time
of year when Sandpiper Air

"takes a moment
to examine itself."

You know, you just want
to hit him in the forehead
with a suction dart, you know?

Oh, stop complaining.
At least you have a job
you like.

Wish I could find
something meaningful
to do with my life.

Now, can you imagine
being 60 years old

and still stuck working
behind a counter
in this stupid airport?

Yes, I can.

Oh, Fay, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean...

No--no--no it's okay, Helen.

At least I managed
to get in some exciting times
before I ended up here.

Not everyone can say that.

You know, I don't know
why Hackett bothers
with those evaluations.

If someone's a bad employee,
you just can their sorry butt.

If they're good, you slowly
and methodically take away
their self-confidence

until they're convinced
they'll never be able
to get a job anywhere else.

Quick, call the Pope.
Heaven must be missing
an angel.

Brian, can I see you
in my office?

Gee, I wonder
what this could be about.

Gee, thanks for seeing me
on such short notice, Doc.

The pain starts about here.

Yeah, I know
where the pain starts.

Have a seat, Brian.

As you know it's that time
of year when Sandpiper Air

takes a moment
to examine itself...

And discovers to its horror
it has no sex organs.

Gee, what a surprise.
You're not
taking this seriously.

All right, let's just
cut the baloney, Joe, okay?

Isn't this the meeting
where you tell me
how I'm doing and I apologize

and I tell you
I'm going to do better?

Yeah.

All right.
Well, consider it done.

Thanks for your time
and I'll see you at dinner.

Great. Send Fay in.
BRIAN: All right.

(KNOCKING)

Hey, Joe.

Lowell, uh, look,
I'm a little busy.
I'm in the middle of the...

The evaluations.
Yeah, I know.

Every year at this time
I kind of feel left out.

Could you evaluate me?

Oh, well, you don't work
for me directly, Lowell,
you work for the airport.

Well, I know, but maybe
you could just do it
as a favor to me.

I'd like to know
how I'm doing.

Well, sure, all right.
Have a seat.

Uh,

basically you're doing
a great job, Lowell.

But, uh, since you asked,
I'd have to say that you have
a tendency to be

just a little bit slow
on paperwork.

Oh, really?

I don't have to sit here
and listen to this nonsense.

I don't work for you,
Mr. High and Mighty.

Ah, good luck, Fay.
He's in a mood.

(DOOR SLAMS)

Have a seat, Fay.

What can I say?
You are just about
the perfect employee.

You're trustworthy,
you're dependable
and--and resourceful.

And I literally could not
run this place without you.

Oh, pshaw.

Which makes it
all the harder for me
to say that, uh,

I'm not
going to be able to give you
your annual raise this year.

You're not?

No, I'm not. I'm sorry.
The economy has hit me
really hard.

Well, it's hit me hard,
too, Joe.

I was counting
on that extra money.

I mean, it's not as if it was
an overly generous raise,
but it was something.

Fay, if there was
any other way...

Joe, let me tell you
a little story.

FAY: It was about
six years ago.

The flight was number 211,
from New York to Honolulu.

I'd been working
the "pineapple run"
for several years,

but this flight
was like no other.

A handsome young man
in seat 17 B,

was about to change
my life forever.

Oh, no, no you don't.
Not this time.

What?

You always use that story
to soften me up.

It got you a dental plan.
It even got you an extra week
vacation. But this time,

I honestly
don't have the money.

Oh, you're right, Joe.
I know these are tough times.
I guess we'll just have to

get through it together.

That's the spirit, Fay.
I'm truly sorry about this.

Well, don't be.

You run a wonderful business.

All your employees love you.

And another thing,
Mr. Boss Man,

Mr. Quick With
the Paperwork,

that crack
about my paperwork
was a cheap shot!

Technically,
he doesn't work for me.

Hi, Fay.

Oh, Brian, good news.

I found several ways
of cutting our costs.

I've combined
two inventory control
forms into one.

Oh.
I got a better phone rate
on our long distance calls.

And, uh, I'm even using
the backs of these
little scratch pads.

So, we'll get
our annual raises yet.

(LAUGHING)

We get raises?

Hey, hey, Brian,
look what just came!

Oh, Joe, wait till...

Oh, one second, Fay!
Look. Check it out!

Oh! Oh! Oh!
New leather flight jackets!
Zowie!

BRIAN: Oh, God!
These are beautiful!

Aren't they?
Look, lambs' wool lining.

Hey, look, look, look.

(BLEATING)

Oh, I love these little guys.

Yeah, oh, and look. Look.

Oh!

BOTH: Matching gloves!

(BOTH EXCLAIMS)

What?

Oh, jeez, Fay,
I know how this must look.

Do you?

They--They really
weren't that expensive.

Oh, are you kidding me?
I've seen Sporty's catalog.
These are top of the line.

Will you shut up?

Fay, I ordered
these jackets weeks ago,

when our financial picture
was much different.

Oh, yes, weeks ago.

Often referred to
as the good old days
of wealth and prosperity.

I'll send them back.

(EXCLAIMING)

No, it's not about that, Joe.
It's about how I'm regarded
around here.

It seems
that in the Sandpiper
pecking order,

I come in third
after a couple
of leather jackets.

Okay, don't say that, Fay.
You know how important
you are to me.

I couldn't run
this place without you.

Well I'm afraid
you're going to have to.
I can't work here anymore.

Oh, Fay, don't do this.
Come on. I-- I'll find a way
to give you your raise.

It's too late.
I quit.

Oh, come on, Fay. Fay!

This may be a bad time,
but did I hear something
about raises?

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Do you have room
on the 4:15 flight
to New Bedford or not?

Ma'am, if you'll just
be patient one second.

Brian,
what's taking so long?

Uh, I--I can't get
into the computer.
I don't know Fay's password.

Have you tried "happy"?

Also "sunny," "chirpy,"
"jolly," "rosy,"

"perky,""Dopey,"
"Doc," and "Sneezy,"

We need some help here.

When is that temp that
you hired from the agency
supposed to show up?

I called them.
She's on her way.
She's coming over.

Did you apologize to Fay?

She won't even
accept my phone calls.

I must have really
hurt her feelings.

Hey, no hurry, guys.
I'll just swim home.

Oh, no, no, wait, ma'am.
Please, folks, please.
Please bear with us.

We'll have you on your way
as soon as possible.

Oh, oh, oh, Teresa.
She's here. Excuse me.
Excuse me.

Hey, Teresa, you made it.

Buenos dias.

Uh, my directions were okay?

(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

Right, right.
Come on, come on, come on.

I want to introduce you
to my brother, Joe.

(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

Uh, Teresa, this is
my brother, Joe Hackett.

Uh, unless my high school
Spanish fails me,

(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

Oh.

Uh, Joe,
this is Teresa Melendro,

our new Fay.
She is from Bolivia.

Hello, Teresa.

(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

Brian, could I talk to you
over here just a second?
Yeah.

Doesn't she speak any English?

No ingles, no ingles.

(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

It's all right.
It's all right, Teresa.

You're--you're
upsetting her, Joe.

Brian, for crying out loud,
if she can't speak
the language,

how is she going to
run a computer?

Joe, Joe, Joe, first of all,
it's a very user-friendly
program, huh?

She'll probably just,
you know, pick it up.

(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

She says she can't wait
to get started.

Are we going to get
any service?

Uh, yes, sir.
I'm going to take care
of you right now.

Uh, uh, Teresa, do you think
that you could put these
luggage tags on the bags?

(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

Luggage tags on the bags?

(EXCLAIMING)
Luggage tags on the bags!

(CRYING)

Oh, now, look,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

What kind of airline is this?

I'd love to
help you out, Joe,

but thank God
I have a flight.

Uh, Brian,
you can't leave now.

(BRIAN REPLIES IN SPANISH)

Teresa, uh, yes, sir.
Now, uh, where was it
you were going again?

Over there.

Oh, no, wait.
Sir, please, just, folks...

(TERESA SOBBING)

Fay, Fay, does this mean
you're coming back?

Just to get my coffee mug.

Oh, I see my replacement's
crying already.
She'll fit in beautifully.

Fay, please.

No, I'm not coming back.
Don't you understand English?

No ingles, no ingles.

Yeah, I've got you.
No ingles, no ingles.
Here.

Uh, Fay, let me tell you
a little story.

JOE: I was on flight 211,
from New York to Honolulu.

I needed a vacation.
I was hurting bad.

My whole life had centered
on flying and I was
about to give it all up.

Until a certain
flight attendant
changed my life forever.

FAY: Oh, no, you don't,
mister. Forget it, Joe.
Save your breath.

You--you've gotten away
too many times
with that story.

Anyway, I've got another job.

You have? Where?

You're working for Roy?
Fay, how could you?

Do you see any other airlines
around here?

All right, Hackett.

Quit bothering my employee.

ROY: Come on, Fay.

You've got a new home,
here at Aeromass.

Why, thank you, Roy.

Now quit grinning
like a silly jackass
and get to work.

I finished reading
the best book today.

It's called Scarlett
and it's all about this woman,
her name is Scarlett O'Hara,

who goes to her father's
birthplace in Ireland.

Oh, yeah, I heard
that was really good.

Oh, yes, I loved it.

But I wanted to know
so much more
about Miss Scarlett

and, uh, Rhett Butler.

For instance, what happened
to them earlier,
during the Civil War?

Perhaps, you've heard of
Gone With The Wind?

What is this, Gone With Wind?

You've never heard of
the book by Margaret Mitchell,
Gone With The Wind?

And perhaps the most
famous movie ever made?

I was sick for a while there.

Antonio, uh,
Gone With The Wind

tells all about
those characters before
and during the Civil War.

Get out.

Yeah, see, the book Scarlett
is what's called a sequel
to Gone With The Wind.

You know, like, um,
Return of the Jedi
and Empire Strikes Back.

Oh, yes. I--I like those.

Right. Well,
they're sequels
to the movie Star Wars.

Star Wars?

All right. I'm going home.

Cochran, I hope
you took care of those
reservations for tomorrow.

Oh, yes, Roy.
Your podiatrist appointment
is at 4:00.

You've got Nutri-System
at 5:00.

And at 6:30, I got you
your usual corner booth

at Fat Tony's
Meatball Dreamhouse.

(CHUCKLING)

Good to have you aboard, Fay!

HELEN: Night, Fay.
Night, Helen.

Um, I--I didn't know
you were still here.

I'm just clearing out
a few of my personal things.

Are you taking
that picture with you?

Yes, I am.
I'm the one who asked him
for his autograph.

Yeah, but he flew
on my airline.
That picture gets us business.

Well it can get you
the moon for all I care.
It's going with me.

Uh, no, it's not.
It's my picture, Fay.

That is my picture, Joe.
No, Fay...

Hey--Hey--Hey!
What's going...
What's going on here?

She's trying to take
my autographed picture
of Richard Roundtree.

Well, it's mine.
N-Now just give it to me
so I can go home.

No, it is not yours,
it is mine.
Shaft gave it to me!

Well, I'm the one
he called back!

Okay, stop, now.
Stop it! Stop, stop bickering!

Let go. Let go. Let...
Sit down.

(BOTH SIGHING)

Now, let me tell you
a little story.

It all began on flight 211
from New York to Honolulu.

You weren't even there.

I know I wasn't,
but I've heard you tell it
so many times

I feel like I was.

BRIAN: Joe was on his way
to Hawaii.

He was at the low point
of his life.

But as fate would have it,
he met a fair maiden

and they spoke
those first words
now carved in their hearts.

Uh, excuse me,
I asked for a pillow
an hour ago.

Wad up your jacket.

What are you taking
a jacket to Hawaii
for anyway?

The mean temperature
there is, like, 85 degrees.

Read a brochure.

Uh, excuse me, Miss,

what's her problem?

Fay? Oh, the airline's
forcing her to retire

and I think
she's a little bitter.

She's the sweetest person
in the world usually.

Yeah, I find that
hard to believe.

I think she's been
drinking a little.

More than a little.

Uh, uh, take over
for me, Tammy.
I'm--I'm taking a break.

Uh, excuse me.
I was hoping to stretch out
on that extra seat, there.

This is coach, pal.
Suck it up.

But... Look, ma'am,
I understand you've had
a bad day...

Bad?

...but I'm not...
Bad day?

You don't know
what a bad day is.

Let me tell you
something, mister.

I'm the best stewardess
this airline ever had.

Uh, uh, you might not
know it today, but I am.

And you know what
they're doing to me?

They're letting me go,
they're retiring me.

They're-- They're-- They're
putting me on the ground.

Might as well
put me in the ground.

Uh, excuse me, but, uh,
I'm not doing so great myself.

You want a drink?

Yeah, uh,
it'll take the edge off.

Uh, here, uh, pick a color.

I've tried them all.
They work equally well.

(SIGHING) What the hell.

Uh, oh, uh, oh,
you need a glass.

(SPLASHING)

There you go.

Thanks.

So, what's your name?

Joe.

Joe. Joe.

That's an Indian name,
isn't it?

Uh, sure, why not?

Yeah, well,
glad to know you, Joe.

I'm Katherine.

I thought
that other stewardess
called you Fay.

Aw, she's a dope.

I always liked
the name Katherine.

Whatever you say,
Katherine.

Uh, let me tell you
something, Joe.

Don't ever go to work
in the airline industry.

They'll break your heart
every time.

Uh-uh, what do you do,
anyway?

I'm a pilot
for a charter company.

Poor stupid bastard.

You know, uh,
that's a figure of speech.

Uh, what's your tale of woe,
Injun Joe?

You really want to hear?

Yeah, it'll cheer me up.

Well, my fiancee and I
were about to be married,
you know...

Mmm.

What's her name?
Carol.

I don't like that name.

Uh, your fiancee, Linda.

Go ahead.

Well, um, I was going to quit
the charter company

and start
my own commuter airline.

Carol was going to work
the uh...

Linda was going
to work the ground.

And, uh, I was going
to do all the flying.

It was going to be perfect.

Then, uh,

last week she,
she ran off with my brother.

Oh! She doesn't deserve
the name Linda.

You know the worst of it?

Flying was my life.

I lived it, I breathed it,
I tasted it ever since
I was a kid.

But now, why bother?

I guess, I'll just find
some other line of work.

You--You say flying
was your life.

You know,
I helped build this airline.

I mean, I have built it
from the ground up.

I did everything.
I wrote tickets.
I checked baggage.

I even pumped fuel.
You know, once 15 years ago

on a flight to Milwaukee,
I crawled through
the baggage hole

and I kicked
the landing gear down myself.

And I did it with a smile.
You know why?

Because I find the good
in every damn thing.

So what are you
going to do now?

Grow old and die.

Me, too, I guess.

You want a drink?

I... You know,
I--I really don't drink.

Oh, me either.

I guess that's something
we have in common.

Yeah. Guess, neither one
of us was meant to be in
the airline business either.

Except maybe we were
meant to be in it together.

You and me?

(LAUGHING) Yeah, right.

Yeah.
I'm absolutely serious, Joe.

I know everything
there is to know
about the airline business.

And you're a wonderful pilot.

Well, how do you know?

Well, you're still alive,
aren't you?

I mean, Joe, what's the worst
that could happen?

You know something?
You are right.

I mean, why should we
let other people
ruin our dreams?

The hell with them.

Katherine,
you have got a deal.

I am going to
start that airline

and you are going to be
right there with me.

Oh, that's a deal.
Uh, what kind of plane
do you have, a 737?

(LAUGHING)

No!
A 727?

Not exactly.

How about a 7 and 7?
That's a good idea.

Hey, I tell you what,
why don't we save that one
for a special occasion?

You're right.
We don't need that one,
do we?

No we don't.

No, we've got
all these others.

BRIAN: And as our heroes
continued winging westward,

Fay decided to seal
their bargain

with that time-honored
and solemn tradition.

She threw up on Joe's shoes.

And then, four hours later,
after you finally sobered up,

the idea of you two guys
joining forces
still seemed good,

and here you are.

Oh, Joe.
Katherine.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry,
will you come back
to Sandpiper?

Oh, of course I will.
I'll start tomorrow.

Oh, great.

Oh, and, Brian, thank you.

Yeah, thanks, Beav.

Oh, forget it, Wally.

And, Joe, look what I've got.

I don't believe it.

Brian, get some glasses.

You kept it all this time?

Well, you told me to save it
for a special occasion.

Fay, you're the best.

Here we go.
I--I used to have a little
packet of macadamia nuts

that went along with this.
But about a year ago,
I broke down.

Uh, what shall we drink to?
Sandpiper Air.

ALL: Sandpiper Air!

Hey, you know, Joe,
now, that everybody's
in such a good mood and all,

it's supposed to be
a pretty cold winter
coming up.

I thought it would be
kind of cool if I had
something nice to help me

keep myself warm, you know.
I was thinking
if I could keep...

Brian, Brian,
I'm sending the jackets back.

I was talking about Teresa.