Wings (1990–1997): Season 2, Episode 20 - Mother Wore Stripes - full transcript

[sighing]

LOWELL, ARE YOU
EVER GONNA MOVE?

ME? I THOUGHT
IT WAS YOUR TURN.

DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
THAT WE'VE BEEN SITTING HERE

STARING AT THIS CHESSBOARD
FOR HALF AN HOUR

AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
IT WAS YOUR TURN?

IT APPEARS SO.

WELL, MOVE,
YOU DUNDERHEAD.

MY PLEASURE, ROY.

[sighing]

CHECKMATE.



WAIT A MINUTE.
MAYBE IT WAS MY TURN.

[seagulls cawing]

HERE'S YOUR TEA, FAY.

OH, THANKS, HELEN.

[chuckling]
YOU SEEM PERKY TODAY.

OH, I'M EXHILARATED.

WE HAD OUR DRESS REHEARSAL
LAST NIGHT

FOR THE SENIOR CENTER
PRODUCTION OF WEST SIDE STORY.

YOU'RE DOING
WEST SIDE STORY?

UH-HUH.

THE SHARKS AND THE JETS.
I'M THE LEADER OF THE JETS.

WE WERE UP
TILL ALL HOURS RUMBLING.

[chuckling]

FAY, I'M IMPRESSED.



WELL, I MUST SAY,
IT'S GIVEN ME A WHOLE NEW
UNDERSTANDING OF YOUTH GANGS.

YOU SHOULD NEVER JUDGE A BOY

UNTIL YOU'VE DANCED A MILE
IN HIS SLIPPERS.

I DON'T SUPPOSE WE COULD
SEE A LITTLE PREVIEW HERE,
COULD WE?

UH, WHY NOT?
I'M A TROUPER.

[chuckling]

OK, THIS IS
THE BIG CONFRONTATION
BETWEEN THE 2 GANGS.

ALL RIGHT.

WHEN DO YOU
START DANCING?

THAT IS THE DANCE.

I MEAN,
I-IT'S A SENIORS' GROUP,
FOR PITY'S SAKE.

WELL, THE LEADER
OF THE SHARKS IS
IN A WALKER.

(Helen)
HEY, GUYS.
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?

UH, GOLF FROM
PALM SPRINGS.

YOU KNOW, LOWELL,
I--I NEVER FIGURED YOU
TO BE A GOLF BUFF.

WELL, I'M NOT.
I JUST WATCH IT
FOR THE FASHIONS.

OH, DEAR LORD.

THAT SALMON IS NOT
A GOOD COLOR ON TREVINO.

WAIT A MINUTE,
THAT'S PRESIDENT FORD
TEEING OFF, ISN'T IT?

OH, YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.

WONDER IF OLD JERRY
HAS KEPT HIS GAME UP
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.

[golf club swishing]

YEP.
OH!

SLICED HIS DRIVE RIGHT
INTO THE SPECTATORS!

WHOA!

HE HIT SOMEBODY.

I HOPE THAT LADY'S ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, SHE'S--
SHE'S FINE.

SHE'S GROGGY,
BUT SHE'S SITTIN' UP.
SHE--

(man on T.V.)
MARSHALS ARE RUNNING
TO HER AID.

OH, MY GOD.

(Helen)
WHAT?
HERE'S A BETTER LOOK.

SHE STILL SEEMS
TO BE CONSCIOUS

MY GOD, HELEN, THAT'S--
THAT WOMAN LOOKS LIKE--

HELEN, I THINK
THAT'S MY MOTHER.

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME, BRIAN,
BUT I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.

WHAT IS
YOUR MOTHER DOING
IN PALM SPRINGS?

I MEAN, BESIDES
STUMBLING AROUND
THE 18TH FAIRWAY.

UH, I DON'T--
HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

IT'S BEEN NEARLY 20 YEARS
SINCE I'VE SEEN HER.

I--I--I GOTTA
GET JOE.

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

PRESIDENT FORD JUST HIT
BRIAN'S MOM IN THE HEAD.

WELL, ASK A STUPID QUESTION,
YOU GET A STUPID ANSWER.

COME ON,
YOU GOTTA SEE THIS.
WHAT IS IT?

DID ROY SIT IN
SOMETHING AGAIN?

NO. EVEN BETTER THAN THAT.

GUESS WHO WE JUST SAW
ON TELEVISION.

I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT,

SOMEONE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN
IN MANY YEARS.

NO, LOWELL, LOWELL,
LET ME HANDLE THIS.

OK, JUST ONE MORE HINT.

HE USED TO BE PRESIDENT.

I JUST SAW
MOM ON TELEVISION.

SO?

SO? SO? WE FINALLY KNOW
WHERE SHE IS, MAN.

SHE'S IN PALM SPRINGS.

GOOD. MAYBE SHE'LL GET A TAN.

WAIT A SECOND. WAIT.
WHAT--WHAT--WHAT'S-- WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH YOU?

AREN'T YOU EVEN INTERESTED
TO KNOW WHERE SHE'S BEEN
ALL THESE YEARS?

WHY SHOULD I BE?
THAT WOMAN WALKED OUT
ON US 18 YEARS AGO.

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
SHE CAN JUST KEEP WALKING.

BIG LUG,
JUST CAN'T HOLD A GRUDGE.

OH, FAY.

BOY, I GOTTA TELL YOU,
I REALLY ENJOYED
THE PERFORMANCE

OF WEST SIDE STORY
LAST NIGHT.

OH, THANKS, LOWELL,
I'M GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

OH, MY PLEASURE.

SAY, WHO WAS THAT FELLOW
PLAYING CHINO?

THAT'S SIDNEY MARGOLIN,
HE'S 80 YEARS OLD.

QUITE A LITTLE HOOFER,
ISN'T HE?

BOY, I'LL SAY.

I DIDN'T KNOW THEY MADE
ORTHOPEDIC TAP SHOES.

UH, THOSE WEREN'T TAPS
YOU HEARD.

THOSE WERE HIS KNEES CRACKING.

ROY, ROY, UH, WHAT TIME IS
YOUR 4:45 EXPECTED IN?

4:45.

IT'S ONE OF THE FUNNY
LITTLE WAYS

WE DO THINGS HERE
AT AEROMASS.

WHY?

UH, MY MOTHER IS
ON THAT FLIGHT.

WHAT?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I TRACKED HER DOWN,
AND NOW SHE'S COMIN' HERE.

WELL, DID YOU TELL JOE?

YEAH.

AND HOW DID HE TAKE IT?

OK, OK, I DIDN'T TELL JOE.
I LIED. ALL RIGHT?

YOU HAPPY?
YOU HAPPY?

ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL
OF FLIGHT 22 FROM LA GUARDIA.

AEROMASS,
THE PREFERRED AIRLINE
OF VACATIONERS,

BUSINESS EXECUTIVES,
AND OUR COMPETITOR'S MOMMIES.

WELL, THIS--THIS IS--

THIS IS TOTALLY WEIRD,
I GOTTA TELL YOU.

LOOK, WHAT--
WHAT IF SHE'S DISAPPOINTED
IN HOW I TURNED OUT?

OH, BRIAN, OF COURSE
SHE'LL BE DISAPPOINTED.
NO, NO, WHAT IF--

WELL, WE ALL ARE.

BUT SHE'S YOUR MOM.
SHE'LL LOVE YOU ANYWAY.
HERE SHE COMES.

BRIAN?

MOM?

[sighing]

MOM.

OH.

OH!

OH, LOOK AT YOU.

YOU'RE ALL GROWN UP.

OH, YOU HAVE
YOUR FATHER'S EYES.

OH, REALLY? NO WONDER
HE DIDN'T LIKE TO DRIVE
AT NIGHT.

[chuckling]
THAT'S MY BRIAN.
YEAH.

OH, I MISSED YOU, MOM.

ME, TOO.

I'VE DREAMT OF THIS MOMENT
FOR 18 YEARS.

WOW. REALLY?

HELEN?

IS THAT HELEN CHAPEL?
(Brian)
UH-HUH.

HI, MISS HACKETT.

IS IT REALLY YOU?

YES, MA'AM.

WELL, YOU WERE ALWAYS
A CUTE LITTLE GIRL

BUT NOW
YOU'RE POSITIVELY GLAMOROUS.

MOM!

WELL, WHERE'S JOE?

UH, HELEN,
COULD YOU GET US
SOME COFFEE, PLEASE?

UH, COME, UH...

I GUESS I REALLY
SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU THIS
ON THE PHONE,

BUT, UH,

[sighing]

JOE'S BEEN
PRETTY UPSET

THAT YOU NEVER
GOT IN TOUCH WITH US
ALL THESE YEARS.

WELL, I CAN'T BLAME HIM
FOR THAT.

[people chattering]

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU?

I MEAN, WHY DIDN'T YOU
AT LEAST CALL US UP

AND TELL US
THAT YOU WERE OK?

WELL, I WASN'T SURE
YOU WANTED TO HEAR FROM ME

AFTER LEAVING YOU
THE WAY I DID.

THAT WAS
SUCH A LONG TIME AGO.

WELL, THERE'S
SOMETHING ELSE,

SOMETHING
I'M NOT VERY PROUD OF

THAT I DIDN'T WANT YOU
TO KNOW.

WHAT IS IT, MOM?
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOIN'
ALL THESE YEARS?

I'VE BEEN WORKING
IN A LAUNDRY.

OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE.
OH, MISS HACKETT...

OH, COME ON, YOU THOUGHT THAT
WE WOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOU
FOR WORKING IN A LAUNDRY?

OH, MA,
YOU MUST REALLY THINK
WE'RE SNOBS.

HEY, JOE,
CAN YOU COME OUT HERE?

WHERE WAS YOUR LAUNDRY,
MISS HACKETT?

IN THE CALIFORNIA
STATE PENITENTIARY.

NO RUSH!

YOU DID TIME?

UP THE RIVER?
IN THE BIG HOUSE?

IN THE GRAY BAR HOTEL?

I KNOW YOU MUST BE ASHAMED.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

THIS IS THE GREATEST THING
THAT'S EVER HAPPENED.

HEY, EVERYBODY!

GUESS WHOSE MOM WAS
IN THE SLAMMER?

HUH?

MISS HACKETT,

DO YOU REALLY MEAN
WHAT YOU SAID?

YES, I DID.

YOU REALLY THINK
I LOOK GLAMOROUS?

OH! YES.

WELL, I GUESS
I NEED NO INTRODUCTION.

SHOULD I KNOW YOU?

LOWELL.
IT SAYS SO RIGHT HERE.

YOU'RE THE MATHER BOY.

AREN'T YOU THE ONE
WHO GOT TRAPPED UNDER THE ICE

AT THE WINTER CARNIVAL?

FOR 5 HOURS.

THERE WAS AN ARTICLE
ABOUT ME IN TIME MAGAZINE.

WELL, IT'S NICE
TO SEE THE COLOR
BACK IN YOUR CHEEKS.

THANKS.

OH, UH, MA,

WHAT'D THEY BUST YOU FOR,
HUH?

WELL, I WAS WORKING
AS AN ACCOUNTANT

AT A LARGE BANK
IN SACRAMENTO

AND I SORT OF
EMBEZZLED $850,000.

$800--

OH! WHAT I'D GIVE
TO GO BACK TO 5TH GRADE

AND SHOW YOU OFF
ON CAREER DAY, BOY!

SO, UH, HOW LONG ARE YOU
GONNA STICK AROUND?

NOT LONG, BABY.

I GOTTA REPORT BACK
TO MY PAROLE OFFICER
BY TOMORROW NIGHT.

SO, WHERE DID YOU SAY
JOE WAS?

WELL, JOE--

WELL, MA, JO-JOE AND I DON'T
EXACTLY HAVE THE SAME ATTITUDE
ABOUT THINGS.

YOU NEVER DID.

YOU WERE ALWAYS
A FREE SPIRIT, BRIAN.

AND JOE...

AND I SAY THIS
WITH A MOTHER'S LOVE,

JOE WAS TIGHT-ASSED
EVEN IN THE WOMB.

WELL, I--I--I REALLY DON'T
KNOW HOW JOE'S GONNA TAKE
THIS PRISON THING.

WELL, IT'S SUCH
A SHORT VISIT,

AND I'D LIKE IT
TO BE A NICE ONE.

MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T
TELL HIM.

[stammering]
I THINK THAT'S
A GOOD IDEA, ACTUALLY.

I MEAN, COME ON.
JOE! JOE, UH,

THERE'S, UH,
SOMEBODY OUT HERE

WHO WANTS TO SEE YOU.

HELLO, SWEETHEART.

HELLO.

IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.
YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.

THANK YOU.

ALL THE THINGS
I WANTED TO SAY,

BUT I JUST
DIDN'T KNOW HOW.

BRIAN TOLD ME
HOW WELL YOU'RE DOING,
OWNING YOUR OWN AIRLINE.

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

OH, YEAH,
IT'S GOING PRETTY GOOD.

UH, LISTEN, BRIAN,
I GOTTA GET HOME.

I'VE GOT A LOT OF PAPERWORK
I GOTTA GO THROUGH.

OK. JOE, JOE, COME ON, MAN.
DON'T-- DON'T DO THIS, OK?

NOW, LOOK, THE 3 OF US
CAN HAVE DINNER TONIGHT,

JUST--JUST LIKE
OLD TIMES.

WELL, MAYBE SHE CAN'T
STAY FOR DINNER.

OH, I TRAVELED ALL THE WAY
ACROSS THE COUNTRY
FOR ONE NIGHT.

I THINK I CAN FIT IT
INTO MY SCHEDULE,

IF IT'S OK WITH YOU?

JUST AS EASY TO COOK
FOR 3 AS IT IS FOR 2.

EXCUSE ME, MISS HACKETT,
I DON'T MEAN
TO HARP ON THIS,

BUT WHEN YOU SAID
THAT I LOOKED GLAMOROUS,

UH, WAS YOUR POINT
OF REFERENCE

PALM SPRINGS
OR THE STATE PEN?

HELEN, I HAVE THE FEELING

THAT YOUR DANCE CARD WOULD
BE FILLED IN EITHER PLACE.

[exclaiming]

THIS WAS
A WONDERFUL MEAL, JOE.

YOU MAKE
A DELICIOUS MEAT LOAF.
WHAT DO YOU PUT IN IT?

MEAT.

USUALLY, GREAT CHEFS
DON'T LIKE TO GIVE OUT
THEIR SECRETS.

WELL, IT--IT REALLY WAS GOOD.
DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE?

SORRY, I WASN'T
EXPECTING COMPANY.

ALL THE WAY BACK
IN THE WOMB, HUH?

CAN I HELP YOU
WITH THE DISHES?

NO THANKS.
I CAN MANAGE.

I HAD TO LEARN.

[water running]

JOE, I'D REALLY LIKE
TO TALK TO YOU.

[garbage disposal whirring]

AS I WAS SAYING,
I WOULD REALLY LIKE
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT--

[garbage disposal whirring]

CAN YOU GIVE ME
A BREAK HERE?

SURE I CAN.
YOU'RE MY MOTHER.

YOU TOOK TIME OUT
OF YOUR JET SET LIFE
IN PALM SPRINGS

JUST TO VISIT US.
IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.

JET SET LIFE?

COME ON,
WHAT'S IT MATTER?

I MEAN, LET'S--
LET'S NOT DWELL
ON THE PAST. I SAY--

YEAH, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU DID
PRETTY WELL FOR YOURSELF

ONCE YOU DITCHED US
FOR LIFE IN THE FAST LANE.

WHY CAN'T WE ALL
BE A FAMILY?
LIFE IN THE FAST LANE?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW
WHERE I'VE REALLY BEEN, JOE?

HEY, WHO WANTS TO SEE ME
TAKE OUT MY OWN EYEBALL?

NOW YOU GOTTA LOOK QUICKLY
BECAUSE, UH,
I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE.

YOU KNOW, I--I REALLY
DON'T GIVE A DAMN

WHAT YOU AND YOUR FANCY
WEST COAST FRIENDS
HAVE BEEN UP TO.

SEE, THAT'S GREAT.
HE DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN.

THAT'S GREAT.
IT'S SETTLED.

WHO WANTS TO HAVE
SOME ICE CREAM?

WELL, I WANNA TELL YOU
ANYWAY. IT'S TIME YOU KNEW.

COME ON,
WHO WANTS CHOCOLATE?

WHO WANTS CHERRY,
WHO WANTS TO SEE ME
EAT A MOUSE?

I HAVE BEEN IN PRISON, JOE,

FOR 8 LONG YEARS,
DOING LAUNDRY.

WHICH IS A BREAK
FOR US, JOE,

BECAUSE I'VE HAD
A LOT OF STATIC CLING
IN MY SHORTS LATELY.

AND YOU WERE IN JAIL?

IT'S NOT ENOUGH
YOU ABANDON US,

YOU'RE A FELON!
DID YOU KNOW THAT?

WELL, YEAH,
A LITTLE EMBEZZLEMENT,
NOTHING SERIOUS.

IT'S NOT LIKE SHE SOLD
RAP MUSIC OR ANYTHING.

THAT IS IT.
THAT IS IT!

I DIDN'T WANNA SEE YOU
IN THE FIRST PLACE

AND NOW I REALLY DON'T
WANT YOU IN MY HOUSE.

OH, HEY. HEY, COME ON,
IT'S MY HOUSE, TOO, OK?

AND THIS IS OUR MOTHER,
FOR PETE'S SAKE.

AND WHY ARE YOU
ACTING THIS WAY?
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE--

WHY ARE YOU
SHUTTING HER OUT?

HEY, SHE LEFT YOU, TOO,
YOU KNOW.

YOU--YOU'RE TAKING HER BACK
LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED.

DON'T YOU HAVE
ANY DIGNITY, BRIAN?
UH, NO.

WELL, YOU'D BETTER GET SOME.
YOU'RE REALLY PATHETIC.
BOYS, BOYS, REALLY. REALLY.

WHO THE HELL ARE--
I DON'T WANT YOU
TO FIGHT.

[scoffing]
OH, WELL, LOOK.

WELL, LOOK WHO DECIDED
TO PLAY MOTHER.

WHAT'RE YOU--
WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO?

SEND ME TO MY ROOM?
GROUND ME?

ALL RIGHT, STOP IT! PLEASE!
COME ON, I JUST WANT US
TO BE A FAMILY.

YEAH, YEAH, GOOD.
GREAT. GREAT. THERE.

THERE'S YOUR FAMILY.
THERE SHE IS.

I'M NOT STAYING
UNDER THE SAME ROOF
WITH HER.

WHERE'RE YOU GOING?
OUT.

[door slams]

OH, GOD.

SO, NOW WHAT?

MILK AND COOKIES?

I KNEW YOU'D BE HERE.

WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE

THE 2 THINGS YOU LOVED MOST
WERE AIRPLANES AND CLEANING.

[chuckling]
SO I SORT OF PUT
2 AND 2 TOGETHER.

OH, COME ON, JOE.
WE JUST CAN'T GO ON
LIKE THIS.

YOU GOTTA SAY
SOMETHING SOMETIME.

ALL RIGHT. HOW ABOUT THIS?
WHY DID YOU LEAVE US?

OOH!

YOU WENT RIGHT
TO THE LIGHTNING ROUND,
DIDN'T YOU?

WHAT? OH, I'M SORRY, WHAT,
IT'S NOT SUPERFICIAL ENOUGH
FOR YOU?

OK. WELL, UH, LET'S SEE.
HOW ABOUT THE WEATHER?

UH, IT WAS RAINING
THE DAY YOU LEFT.

IT WAS SUNNY THE DAY
I GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL.

UM, IT WAS PARTLY CLOUDY
THE DAY I TOOK MY FIRST
SOLO FLIGHT,

AND IT WAS A WET,
MISERABLE DAY
THE DAY THAT DAD DIED.

YOU WANT
TOMORROW'S FORECAST?

IT CAN'T GET ANY COLDER
THAN TONIGHT.

[sighs]
ALL RIGHT, JOE,

YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHY I LEFT?
I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

THINGS WEREN'T GOING WELL
BETWEEN YOUR FATHER AND ME,
BUT THAT WAS THE LEAST OF IT.

I WAS SUFFOCATING HERE.

I HATED THE COOKING

AND THE CLEANING
AND THE CAR POOLS

AND THE BRIDGE CLUBS

AND THE P.T.A. MEETINGS
AND THE... AND EVERYTHING.

JOE, I WAS JUST NOT CUT OUT
TO BE A MOTHER.

YES, BUT YOU HAD 2 LITTLE BOYS
WHO LOVED YOU AND NEEDED YOU.

WAS THAT REALLY
SO UNBEARABLE?

YES. GOD HELP ME,
IT WAS.

[stammering]
WELL, HOW, UH,
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

JOE, YOU WERE
PART OF MY LIFE,
AND I HATED MY LIFE.

YEAH, WELL, I HATED YOU!
HOW DOES THAT FEEL, MOM?

YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU DID TO ME?

WHO DO YOU THINK GOT
YOUR JOB WHEN YOU LEFT?
I WAS 12 YEARS OLD.

YOU LEFT ME WITH A SINK
FULL OF DIRTY DISHES
AND 2 KIDS TO TAKE CARE OF,

BRIAN AND DAD.
I'M SORRY.

YOU KNOW, I HAVE TAKEN
CRAP MY WHOLE LIFE

FOR BEING TOO SERIOUS,
FOR BEING A WORRIER.

W-WHY DO YOU THINK
THAT IS, HUH?

WHY? WHY?

JOE, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.

YOU KNOW, YO-YOUR LIFE
WASN'T PERFECT.
FINE.

YOU COULD'VE
GOTTEN A DIVORCE.

WE COULD'VE MOVED,
YOU COULD'VE HIRED A MAID,

SWITCHED TO PAPER PLATES,
I DON'T KNOW.

SOMETHING, ANYTHING,
BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE
TO LEAVE US.

I DID, JOE,
AND I'M REALLY SORRY.

YEAH, WELL,
"SORRY" DOES NOT CUT IT.

"SORRY" DOES NOT GIVE ME
BACK MY CHILDHOOD.

LOOK, I THINK
WE'RE ALL AGREED HERE

NOBODY'S GONNA NOMINATE ME
FOR MOTHER OF THE YEAR.

I KNOW WHAT I DID
HURT YOU AND BRIAN.

BUT I CAN'T CHANGE
WHAT HAPPENED.

THE BEST I CAN DO IS TRY
AND MAKE A NEW START.

HOW ABOUT IT, JOE?

WELL, GOODBYE, THEN.

I, UH, THOUGHT THAT YOU LEFT
BECAUSE I BROKE YOUR PITCHER.

WHAT?

YOU KNOW
THAT, UH, ANTIQUE PITCHER
THAT GRANDMA GAVE YOU?

HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT?

I'D NEVER SEEN YOU SO MAD.

YEAH, BUT ABOUT SO MANY
OTHER THINGS.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

SO I WENT TO SCHOOL

AND, UH, I MADE YOU
ANOTHER PITCHER

OUT OF CLAY
SO YOU WOULDN'T BE
MAD AT ME ANYMORE.

ONLY WHEN I GOT HOME,
YOU WERE GONE.

[sobbing]
OH, GOD.

OH, JOE,
YOU POOR LITTLE GUY.

HEY, THAT WAS
A LONG TIME AGO.

IT'S DONE. LONG GONE.
FORGOTTEN.

SO, YOU WANT IT?

WHAT?

YOU KEPT IT
ALL THOSE YEARS?

UH, YOU NEVER KNOW.
PEOPLE COME BACK.

OH, JOEY.

IT'S THE UGLIEST THING
I'VE EVER SEEN.

YEAH, ISN'T IT?

I REALLY STANK
AT POTTERY.

HERE.

NOT ON YOUR LIFE.
IT'S NEVER LEAVING ME.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?
ONE FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE?

SURE.

IT'S TOO BAD WE DIDN'T SHARE
A DRINK BACK THEN.

I WAS 12 YEARS OLD.

WELL, BRIAN SEEMED
TO LIKE IT.

WELL, JUST A LITTLE
IN HIS MILK SOMETIMES
TO HELP HIM SLEEP.

I TOLD YOU,
I WAS A LOUSY MOTHER.

I CAN'T ASK YOU
TO FORGIVE ME, JOE.

I CAN'T EVEN ASK YOU
TO UNDERSTAND.

I PROBABLY DON'T DESERVE
ANYTHING FROM YOU,

BUT I'M GONNA ASK
FOR SOMETHING ANYHOW.

WHAT'S THAT?

A HUG.

[pitcher crunching]

OH.

I COULD ALWAYS MAKE YOU
ANOTHER ONE.

[laughing]
OH, PLEASE, DON'T.

YOU KNOW, BRIAN,
I'M REALLY,
REALLY GLAD

YOU ASKED MOM OUT
TO VISIT US.

YEAH, WELL, I'M REALLY GLAD
THAT YOU GUYS MADE UP.

I MEAN,
IT WAS REALLY COMFORTING
HAVING HER OVER AT THE HOUSE.

SHE EVEN MADE ME
A GLASS OF WARM MILK
BEFORE I WENT TO BED.

REALLY?

OH, YEAH.
SLEPT LIKE A BABY.

WELL, THAT'S
A MOTHER'S TOUCH.

YOU KNOW, JOE,
I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT YOUR FAMILY.

YOUR FATHER WENT CRAZY.

YOUR MOTHER ABANDONED YOU
AS CHILDREN AND ENDED UP
IN PRISON.

YOUR BROTHER STOLE
YOUR FIANCEE,

RAN OFF WITH HER
AND GOT MARRIED.

THEN SHE DUMPED HIM
AND RAN OFF
WITH SOMEBODY ELSE.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU JUST
GOUGED YOUR EYES OUT,

YOU'D HAVE THE PERFECT
GREEK TRAGEDY.

YOU REALLY THINK
WE'RE THAT DIFFERENT
FROM OTHER FAMILIES?

MA! MA, IT'S ME,
OEDIPUS!

I WITHDRAW THE QUESTION.