Wings (1990–1997): Season 2, Episode 12 - Airport '90 - full transcript
ROY, ARE YOU IN THE MOOD
FOR A LITTLE CHUCKLE?
WATCH THIS.
[people chattering]
[telephone dinging]
[telephone ringing]
GOOD AFTERNOON.
SANDPIPER AIR.
DO YOU HAVE
PRINCE ALBERT IN A CAN?
WHO IS THIS?
IT'S LOWELL.
OH, HELLO, LOWELL.
HI, FAY.
UH, HOW'S YOUR DAY?
FINE.
HOW'S YOUR WIFE AND KIDS?
GREAT.
HOW'S, UH, YOUR COLD?
OH,
MUCH BETTER.
THANKS FOR ASKING.
BEFORE I FORGET, UH,
YOU BETTER LET HIM OUT.
WHO?
PRINCE ALBERT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU GET ME EVERY TIME.
I TELL YA,
IT'S FOOLPROOF.
NOT IN THIS CASE.
[seagulls cawing]
HEY, BRIAN, LOOKS LIKE
WE'RE ALMOST OVER
THE DROP AREA.
OH.
MMM! I'VE NEVER STOCKED A LAKE
WITH FISH BEFORE.
THIS IS
KIND OF EXCITING.
YEAH, IT'S EVERY
PILOT'S DREAM,
DROPPING TROUT
OUT OF AN AIRPLANE.
IT'S THE PART
OF THE LINDBERGH FLIGHT
YOU DON'T HEAR MUCH ABOUT.
HEY, IT'S THE OFF-SEASON.
IT PAYS THE BILLS.
DON'T THEY USUALLY STOCK
THESE LAKES WITH TRUCKS?
I UNDERBID CHARLEY
DOWN AT CHARLEY'S
BAIT AND TACKLE.
YES, AND NOW
YOU CAN BOAST THAT YOU
GOT THE BETTER OF A MAN
WHO SPENDS MOST OF HIS TIME
DOWN AT THE PETTING ZOO
STUFFING GOAT CHOW
DOWN HIS PANTS.
[laughing]
OK, BRIAN, JUST YELL "NOW"
WHEN WE'RE OVER THE LAKE.
RIGHTY-O.
HEY, HELEN.
YEAH?
WANNA TAKE THE CONTROLS
FOR A MINUTE?
WHAT?
WHY, GO AHEAD.
NO, BRIAN.
IT'S A RUSH.
[whistles]
BRIAN, I CAN'T DO THAT.
[stuttering]
NO, I REALLY COULDN'T.
COULD I, YOU THINK?
YEAH, YEAH, GO AHEAD.
GO AHEAD, TAKE THE YOKE.
[gasping]
OOH.
MMM.
BEATS TOSSING FRENCH FRIES
INTO DEEP FAT, HUH?
I'LL SAY.
HUH.
BUT I'M JUST HOLDING
ONTO THE WHEEL. I'M NOT
REALLY FLYING IT, RIGHT?
[giggling]
UH, YOU ARE NOW.
NOW?
YES, NOW.
[splashing]
THERE THEY GO.
WHAT?
YOU SAID "NOW."
I DROPPED THE FISH.
NO, I WASN'T TALKIN' TO YOU.
I WAS TALKIN' TO HER.
WONDER HOW LONG
TROUT CAN LIVE IN TREES.
THANKS FOR TAKING CARE
OF MY DOG
WHILE I'M
IN BOSTON, FAY.
OH, MY PLEASURE, ROY.
I LOVE DOGS.
I'M SURE BRUTUS
AND I'LL GET ALONG FINE.
ARE THERE ANY SPECIAL
LITTLE TREATS THAT HE LIKES?
ANYTHING THAT
PUTS UP A FIGHT.
[laughing]
OH, DON'T BE SILLY, ROY.
HE'S SUCH A SWEET--
[Brutus growling]
MAYBE THIS WASN'T
SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
CAN'T YOU PUT HIM
IN THE KENNEL?
NOT ANYMORE.
THEY BANNED HIM FOR LIFE.
SOME TRUMPED-UP STORY
ABOUT A MISSING CHIHUAHUA.
GEE, I DON'T KNOW, ROY--
OH, COME ON, FAY.
NOW, YOU CAN'T BACK OUT
ON ME AT THE LAST MINUTE.
AND YOU PROMISED.
WELL--
OOPS, THERE'S MY PLANE.
I GOTTA GO.
I'M SURE EVERYTHING
WILL BE FINE.
HERE'S HIS MUZZLE,
FEEDING GLOVE,
AND DISCIPLINE STICK.
OH, AND ONE MORE THING.
IF HE LOWERS HIS EARS
AND HIS PUPILS
GO COMPLETELY BLACK,
RUN LIKE HELL.
HAVE FUN.
[Brutus snarling]
HEY, THERE,
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
JOE, I WANT YOU
TO TEACH ME TO FLY.
YOU?
YES.
YOU WANT TO FLY? YOU?
MISS "I DON'T DATE PILOTS"
WANTS TO BE ONE?
[laughing]
JOE, EVER SINCE
I HAD THOSE CONTROLS
IN MY HANDS THIS MORNING,
IT'S ALL I CAN THINK OF.
THAT POWER, THAT FREEDOM.
YEAH, IT'S PRETTY
GREAT, HUH?
YEAH.
I GUESS ALL THOSE TIMES
YOU WENT ON AND ON AND ON
ABOUT FLYING,
I SHOULD HAVE
BEEN LISTENING.
GEE, IT ALWAYS LOOKED
LIKE YOU WERE RIVETED.
RIVETED, COMATOSE.
IT'S A FINE LINE.
HEY, BRIAN,
GET A LOAD OF THIS.
HELEN WANTS
TO LEARN HOW TO FLY.
YOU? YOU WANT
TO FLY? YOU,
MISS "I DON'T DATE PILOTS"
WANTS TO BE ONE?
[both laughing]
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
JOE SAID THE EXACT
SAME THING.
I KNOW.
I WAS EAVESDROPPING.
OK, JOE,
SO YOU'LL TEACH ME
TO FLY?
[exclaiming]
YEAH SURE. WHY NOT?
HEY, YOU KNOW,
MAYBE I COULD FIND A FEW
OTHER STUDENTS AND START
A LITTLE FLIGHT SCHOOL.
BRIAN, YOU COULD TEACH
THE AIR STUFF
AND, SINCE I'M GROUNDED,
I COULD TEACH
THE GROUND STUFF.
AIR STUFF,
GROUND STUFF. I'M LOST.
HOW ABOUT YOU, HELEN?
YEAH, I--I LIKE THAT IDEA.
I'LL TELL YOU WHEN IT STARTS.
GREAT. THANKS.
OH. OH, HELEN,
BY THE WAY, UH,
DO YOU WANNA GO SEE
A MOVIE SATURDAY NIGHT?
UH, ARE YOU TALKIN'
ABOUT A DATE
OR YOU JUST WANNA
GO TO A MOVIE?
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
WHERE YOUR HANDS ARE
DURING THE MOVIE.
UH, BRIAN.
ALL RIGHT,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.
THINGS ARE STARTING
TO GET A LITTLE PERSONAL.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIT ME
OVER THE HEAD WITH A HAMMER.
NOW WHERE WERE WE?
OH, YES, I WAS
TRYING YOUR PATIENCE.
UH, YOU KNOW, HELEN, WHEN I
ASKED YOU IF YOU WANTED
TO GO TO THE MOVIES
I WAS REALLY
JUST ASKING AS A FRIEND.
OH, GOOD, BECAUSE THAT'S
WHAT I WAS HOPING
THAT YOU MEANT.
YOU KNOW, AFTER
THAT FIRST DATE
THIS WHOLE DATING THING
DIDN'T SEEM TO GO SO WELL.
YEAH, NO KIDDING,
WE NEVER EVEN WENT
ON A 2ND DATE.
OH, YOU NOTICED THAT, TOO?
SO, WE'RE NOT DATING.
OBVIOUSLY NOT.
GREAT!
NOW WE CAN GO TO THE MOVIES
AND ENJOY OURSELVES.
GREAT.
BOY, US DATING WAS
ONE OF THE DUMBEST THINGS
TO COME DOWN THE PIKE
IN A LONG TIME.
WHAT WERE WE THINKING?
I DON'T KNOW.
PROBABLY HOPING
WE WOULD FALL IN LOVE
AND GET MARRIED
AND BE DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY
FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.
[both snorting]
WELL, OK, I THINK
WE'RE JUST ABOUT READY
TO BEGIN.
UH, LOWELL, LOWELL,
WHY DON'T YOU COME
SIT UP HERE WITH THE OTHERS?
WELL, OK, JOE,
I JUST DIDN'T WANT ANYONE
TO THINK I WAS KISSING UP
TO THE TEACHER.
BUT, LOWELL,
BY THE WAY, THANKS
FOR THE CIGARS AND BRANDY.
MY PLEASURE, JOE.
HI, I'M JOE HACKETT,
AND I WOULD LIKE
TO WELCOME YOU ALL
TO THE INAUGURAL CLASS
OF THE HACKETT
FLIGHT ACADEMY.
WHERE OUR MOTTO IS,
"SAFETY FIRST, FUN SECOND."
UH, YES, HELEN?
I WANNA GO UP IN A PLANE.
WHEN DO WE GET TO FLY?
HELEN,
AN AIRPLANE IS
AN INCREDIBLY COMPLICATED
PIECE OF MACHINERY
WITH DOZENS OF DIALS
AND SOPHISTICATED INSTRUMENTS
THAT HAVE TO BE
THOROUGHLY UNDERSTOOD
BEFORE YOU TAKE IT
THOUSANDS OF FEET IN THE AIR.
OH.
SO, LIKE, AFTER LUNCH?
JUST BE PATIENT.
YES, LOWELL?
UH, JOE, WILL THERE BE
A QUESTION ABOUT THE MOTTO
ON THE FINAL EXAM?
NO.
[sputtering]
OK. ANYWAY, UH...
[sputtering]
ANYWAY, JUST TO
GET ACQUAINTED,
WHY DON'T WE ALL SHARE
WHY WE WANT TO FLY? HELEN?
BECAUSE FLYING
A PLANE IS...
ORGASMIC.
OK. LOWELL?
HELEN TOOK MY ANSWER.
UH, MRS. WINDSOR?
HELLO, I'M CATHY WINDSOR
FROM WAUWINET.
I'VE BEEN A HOUSEWIFE
FOR OVER 23 YEARS
AND I'M HERE
BECAUSE I WANNA LAUGH
IN THE FACE OF DEATH.
OK, JUST REMEMBER,
SAFETY FIRST.
NOW, IN TODAY'S CLASS
WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT
THE BASICS OF FLIGHT.
YES, HELEN?
SO YOU'RE SAYING
THAT WE'LL BE FLYING
IN LIKE A COUPLE OF DAYS?
NOT IN MY PLANE,
YOU WON'T.
WE GOT A LOT OF MATERIAL
TO GET THROUGH HERE, PEOPLE.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S JUST START BY TALKING
ABOUT THE 4 FORCES
THAT ACT UPON
A PLANE IN FLIGHT.
[sharpening pencil]
THOSE FORCES ARE LIFT,
THRUST, DRAG, AND WEIGHT.
[sharpening pencil]
NOW LET-- UH--
LET'S START WITH LIFT.
[stuttering]
NOW, LIFT--LIFT--
HEY, LOWELL. LOWELL.
CAN I BORROW
THAT PENCIL SHARPENER
FOR A SECOND?
UH, SURE, TEACH.
A LIFT CAN BEST BE EXPLAINED
BY BERNOULLI'S THEOREM
WHICH STATES
THE FASTER A FLUID MOVES
PAST AN OBJECT...
...IN A NUTSHELL,
IS THE THEORY OF LIFT.
ANY QUESTIONS?
YES!
IT'S BEEN 6 FREAKIN' DAYS
AND WE'RE STILL ON LIFT!
6 DAYS!
6 MIND-NUMBING,
COMA-INDUCING,
SUICIDE-PROVOKING DAYS
OF PURE AND UTTER HELL!
DID WE FORGET
TO RAISE OUR HAND?
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I'M JUST GONNA TAKE
A LITTLE BREAK.
UH, YEAH, WHY DON'T
WE ALL TAKE A BREAK.
WHEN WE COME BACK
WE'LL HAVE A QUIZ.
YOU'LL NEED
A NUMBER 2 PENCIL.
CAN I BORROW
A NUMBER 2 PENCIL?
HEY, HEY, WHAT THE HELL
WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
IT WAS ABOUT QUITTING, JOE,
WHICH I JUST DID.
WHY?
YOU'RE BORING.
YOU'RE BORING!
YOU'VE MANAGED TO SUCK
EVERY OUNCE OF EXCITEMENT
OUT OF THE MOST EXCITING THING
I'VE EVER DONE.
WELL, I'M SORRY YOU DON'T
FIND IT AS EXCITING
AS MY OTHER STUDENTS DO.
OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
LOWELL SPENT
THE ENTIRE CLASS YESTERDAY
WATCHING AN ANT
PUSH A GRAIN OF SALT
ACROSS HIS DESK.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I ENVIED HIM!
YOU'RE A BITTER WOMAN,
HELEN.
I'M GONNA GO
BACK INTO CLASS.
I SUGGEST YOU JOIN ME.
(Brian)
PSST. HEY, LITTLE GIRL.
DO YOU WANNA FLY?
I'LL LET YOU FLY.
HI, FAY.
(Fay)
HI, ROY. HOW WAS THE TRIP?
IT WAS GREAT.
WHERE'S BRUTUS?
WHERE'S MY LITTLE
MEAT GRINDER?
OH, HERE HE IS.
HE'S OUT OF HIS CAGE!
FAY, HE'S...
YOU...
[Fay cooing]
YES.
(Roy)
BRUTUS?
FAY, WHAT DID YOU
DO TO HIM?
NOTHING.
I TREATED HIM VERY WELL.
NOW, I GAVE HIM
MY YANKEE POT ROAST,
I LET HIM SLEEP ON MY BED.
AND I RUBBED HIS TUMMY.
[growling contentedly]
[cooing]
FAY, HOW COULD YOU
DO THAT TO HIM?
YOU SPOILED HIM.
YOU TURNED HIM
INTO A SISSY DOG.
HE IS NOT A SISSY DOG.
HE JUST GOT IN TOUCH
WITH HIS FEMININE SIDE.
COME ON.
YOU MAKE ME SICK.
THAT BOW IS COMIN'
OFF RIGHT NOW!
[Brutus barking]
[Brutus snarling]
ALTHOUGH IT--IT DOES
SET OFF YOUR EYES.
HEY, BRIAN, COME ON,
LET'S GO FLY.
NO, WE CAN'T TAKE THE PLANE
UNTIL JOE LEAVES
AND HE'S IN THERE RIGHT NOW
TRYING TO INJECT SOME HUMOR
INTO TOMORROW'S LESSON.
OH, FORGET ABOUT IT.
HE'LL BE IN THERE
ALL NIGHT.
WE'LL NEVER GET
THE PLANE OUT OF HERE.
WELL, THAT MIGHT
BE TRUE
IF YOU WERE TALKIN'
TO SOMEBODY WHO KNEW
RIGHT FROM WRONG,
BUT, AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT,
YOU'RE WITH ME.
THE SUCCESSFUL PILOT
IS THE OBSERVANT PILOT.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE AWARE
OF EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING ON
AROUND YOU.
AND YOU MUST BE RESPONSIVE
TO EVERY MOVEMENT
OF YOUR AIRCRAFT.
GOOD.
IT'S GOOD.
OK, BRIAN,
WHEN DO I GET TO FLY?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.
OR NOT.
PERSONALLY,
I FIND FLYING AL FRESCO
QUITE LIBERATING.
OK, OK, TAKE THE YOKE.
[exclaiming]
[moaning]
I REMEMBER THIS.
YEAH, UH,
YOU MIGHT WANT TO GIVE IT
A LITTLE MORE LEFT RUDDER
'CAUSE YOU'RE STARTING
TO YAW A LITTLE BIT.
RUDDER, RUDDER?
THAT IS THE PEDAL. OK.
RIGHT THERE, OK?
RIGHT.
YES. TURN, BABY, TURN.
TURN FOR MAMA, BABY.
TURN, SLOW AND LONG.
HELEN, PLEASE,
STOP DOING THAT.
OH, STOP TURNING?
NO, STOP TALKING LIKE THAT.
YOU'RE STARTIN'
TO GET ME HOT.
I MEAN, YOU ARE DATING
MY BROTHER.
WELL, ACTUALLY NOT,
WE DECIDED IT WASN'T
SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
REALLY?
YEAH.
JUST GIVE IT
A LITTLE MORE RIGHT RUDDER.
[moaning]
OH, YES.
GIVE IT RUDDER.
[moaning]
OH, YEAH.
MIND IF I JOIN YOU?
[moaning]
[exclaiming]
[moaning]
[metallic rattling]
WHAT WAS THAT?
SHUT UP
AND KEEP TURNING.
NO, BRIAN,
WHAT WAS THAT?
BAH, IT WAS PROBABLY JUST
A LOOSE FIRE EXTINGUISHER
OR SOMETHING.
HERE, HOLD A STEADY COURSE.
I'LL CHECK IT OUT.
OK.
OH, YEAH--
OH, GOD!
OH, GOD! BRIAN,
I'M SO SORRY!
I SWEAR, I DIDN'T
TOUCH ANYTHING.
BRIAN?
BRIAN?
OH, BRIAN, QUIT
FOOLING AROUND.
OH, LORD!
OH!
[exclaiming]
OK, BRIAN, IF YOU'RE
TRYING TO SCARE ME,
THIS IS NOT VERY FUNNY.
OH, GOD! OH, GOD!
OH, GOD! OH! OH!
OH, I THINK
I'M GONNA THROW UP.
OH, GOD!
OK, GET YOURSELF
TOGETHER, HELEN.
NOW, YOU HAVE HAD
6 DAYS OF GROUND SCHOOL.
YOU KNOW LOTS OF STUFF.
ABOUT LIFT. OH, GOD!
[gasping]
OK. OK.
HELLO? HELLO? HELLO?
(man on radio)
THIS IS NANTUCKET TOWER.
PLEASE IDENTIFY YOURSELF.
OVER.
UM, UH--UH, YES,
THIS IS-- THIS IS
HELEN CHAPEL.
YOU KNOW,
FROM THE LUNCH COUNTER?
COULD I PLEASE TALK
TO SOMEONE WHO KNOWS
HOW TO LAND A PLANE?
THE TOWER JUST CALLED.
HELEN'S UP IN THE PLANE.
BRIAN IS OUT COLD.
SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO MAKE
AN EMERGENCY LANDING.
ALL RIGHT. NOBODY PANIC.
THE FIRST THING IS...
UH--UH, NO, UH...
[stuttering]
FAY, CALL 911.
TELL 'EM TO NOTIFY
THE PARAMEDICS WE HAVE
A POSSIBLE CRASH LANDING.
THEN CALL THE HOSPITAL,
TELL 'EM TO GET
THEIR TRAUMA TEAM TOGETHER,
JUST IN CASE.
ROY!
[gasping]
WAIT, HELEN IS ABOVE--
[stuttering]
ROY!
SNAP OUT OF IT!
CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
TELL THEM WE HAVE FOAM
AND DRY CHEMICALS HERE,
BUT I WANT
THEIR 2 NEWEST PUMPER TRUCKS
HERE ON THE DOUBLE.
TELL 'EM I KNOW IT TAKES
8 MINUTES TO GET HERE.
I WANT 'EM HERE IN 4.
I'M GONNA GET THE FOAM TRUCK
OUT ON THE RUNWAY.
NOW LET'S MOVE IT!
THIS IS FOR HELEN!
LOWELL,
THE RUNWAY IS THIS WAY.
RIGHT!
WHAT'S THE SITUATION,
WALTER?
HER ALTITUDE'S 3,500,
HEADING...
210, CEILING IS 10,000,
BROKEN WIND 170,
TRUE AT 5 KNOTS.
I'VE MOVED OUT
THE TRAFFIC IN THE AREA.
SHE'S CLEAR TO LAND.
GOT SOME APPLES OVER HERE,
IF YOU'RE HUNGRY.
[stuttering]
NO, THANKS.
I BELONG TO
THE FRUIT-OF-THE-MONTH CLUB.
NEXT MONTH: MANGOS.
HELEN, I CAN'T SEE YOU.
SO THE FIRST THING
WE NEED TO DO
IS TO MAKE SURE
YOU'RE FLYING LEVEL.
HOW'S YOUR ATTITUDE?
HOW'S MY ATTITUDE?
HOW IS MY ATTITUDE?
IT STINKS!
THAT'S HOW MY ATTITUDE IS!
I'M FLYIN' IN A GAS TANK
WITH WINGS!
HOW WOULD
YOUR ATTITUDE BE?
YOU GOTTA HELP ME, JOE.
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I MEANT
THE PLANE'S ATTITUDE.
OH, UM...
UH--UH, WELL,
THE--THE WINGIE THINGS
ARE LEVEL
WITH THE HORIZON THING.
GOOD. OK,
NOW, JUST TAKE IT EASY.
LISTEN TO EVERYTHING I SAY,
AND YOU'RE GONNA BE
JUST FINE.
[sighing]
I DON'T KNOW HOW
I'M GONNA TALK HER DOWN.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU
UP HERE, JOE.
I DON'T GET MUCH COMPANY.
DID YOU SEE
THAT BRUINS GAME YESTERDAY?
WALTER, CAN WE CHAT LATER?
I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF A LITTLE CRISIS.
I SAW THIS HAPPEN
ONCE BEFORE--
AND IT TURNED
OUT FINE?
I FORGET.
PRETZEL?
HELEN, I'M HAVIN'
A LITTLE TROUBLE
MAKIN' YOU OUT.
UH, CAN YOU
WIGGLE YOUR WINGS?
LOOK, I'M HAVING
A LITTLE TROUBLE
MAKIN' YOU OUT.
CAN YOU WIGGLE
THE TOWER?
SHE'S A LITTLE SPITFIRE.
OK, I CAN SEE YOU.
I CAN SEE YOU.
NOW, UH...
YOU'RE TOO HIGH. UH, MAYBE
YOU SHOULD SWING AROUND
AND COME IN AGAIN.
YEAH, AND MAYBE I SHOULD
GO OUT ON THE WING
AND DO A LITTLE FAN DANCE,
BUT I'M NOT GONNA, JOE.
I'M GONNA LAND
AND I'M GONNA LAND RIGHT NOW.
ALL RIGHT.
REDUCE YOUR SPEED BY HALF.
AND YOU'RE LINED UP
PERFECTLY WITH THE RUNWAY.
UH, NOW, AFTER I TELL YOU
TO DO SOMETHING,
YOU SAY "CHECK"
SO I KNOW
YOU'VE DONE IT, OK?
(Helen)
OK.
OK.
SET THE FUEL SELECTOR
TO "MAIN TANKS."
THE FUEL SELECTOR
ONTO THE MAIN TANKS.
UM, CHECK.
GOOD. NOW,
UH, MAKE SURE
THAT THE AUXILIARY
FUEL PUMP IS ON.
YOU REMEMBER
WHERE THAT IS?
IS ON...
[screeching]
UM, NO!
COME ON, HELEN,
COME ON!
DO YOU EVER THINK
ABOUT GROWING A MUSTACHE?
SHOULDN'T YOU BE
DOING SOMETHING?
NOPE. I PRETTY MUCH
JUST WATCH THE BLIPS.
HEY. THERE SHE IS.
OH, JOE, I DON'T KNOW
WHERE THE AUXILIARY
FUEL PUMP IS.
HELEN, WE WENT OVER THIS
IN CLASS TODAY.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT,
YOU WEREN'T IN CLASS TODAY.
I DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR A LECTURE
RIGHT NOW, JOE.
JUST TELL ME
WHERE THE DAMN THING IS!
OH, I FOUND IT MYSELF.
ALL RIGHT.
SET THE FUEL MIXTURE
TO "FULL RICH."
FUEL MIXTURE
TO FULL RICH.
CHECK.
OK, UH, UH,
THROTTLE TO IDLE.
FLAPS TO ONE QUARTER.
CHECK.
I--I THINK
THAT WAS ONE-QUARTER.
AND I--I HOPE THOSE
WERE THE FLAPS.
ALL RIGHT,
LOWER YOUR LANDING GEAR
AND K-K-KEEP YOUR WINGS
STRAIGHT. NO! NO!
STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT!
OK, OK! DON'T HAVE TO
YELL AT ME, JOE.
(Joe)
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE OVER
THE RUNWAY.
NOW--NOW EASE
THE YOKE BACK.
THAT'S RIGHT,
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
[screaming]
YES! YES!
(Helen)
OH, GOD!
CUT THE ENGINES,
HIT THE BRAKES!
OH, GOD! I DID IT!
JOE?
JOE?
JOE?
LOWELL, I GOTTA
HAND IT TO YOU.
YOU HANDLED
THAT CRISIS BEAUTIFULLY.
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU HAD THAT IN YOU.
ROY, SOME MEN
ARE BORN LEADERS.
OTHERS HAVE LEADERSHIP
THRUST UPON THEM.
IT'S INCREDIBLE.
GOOD NIGHT, LOWELL.
OH, OH, ONE MORE THING.
NEVER DO THAT
TO ME AGAIN.
GOTCHA.
NIGHT, ROY.
NIGHT, LOWELL.
HEY, BRIAN.
BRIAN, ARE YOU OK?
YEAH, MY HEAD'S STILL SORE.
I BANGED IT PRETTY BAD.
WELL, YOU TAKE CARE
OF YOURSELF.
I WANT YOU STRONG AND HEALTHY
WHEN I BEAT YOUR BRAINS OUT.
HELEN, HELEN,
PUT THAT GUN DOWN!
I CAN'T DO THAT.
JOE WOULD KILL ME
IF I TOOK HIS PLANE.
IT WOULD BE WRONG!
GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
WRONG!
HEY, HEY, WAIT--WAIT.
WAIT A MINUTE
HELEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GET OUT HERE.
OH, I KNOW
WHAT I DID WAS WRONG,
JOE, I'M SORRY.
PLEASE, JUST
DON'T YELL AT ME.
DON'T YELL AT ME--
I GUESS
I DESERVED THAT.
HELEN, WHEN YOU WERE
UP IN THE PLANE,
AND I WAS WONDERING
IF I COULD EVER
GET YOU BACK IN ONE PIECE,
I COULD ONLY THINK
ABOUT ONE THING.
I KNOW. I KNOW, JOE.
I COULD ONLY THINK
OF ONE THING, TOO.
AND I BET
WE WERE THINKIN'
ABOUT THE SAME THING.
WE'RE WIMPS.
THAT WASN'T IT.
BUT WE ARE.
WE'RE WIMPS.
WE'RE SO AFRAID TO TAKE
A CHANCE ON ANYTHING.
SO WHAT IF DATING
MIGHT RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIP.
UH, YOU DYING IN A FIERY CRASH
WOULD HAVE DONE A PRETTY
GOOD JOB OF THAT, TOO.
SO WHAT ARE
YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING
LET'S GO FOR IT.
LET'S NOT HOLD ANYTHING BACK.
LET'S TAKE THE ULTIMATE STEP.
LET'S...
DATE.
THEN WE WERE THINKIN'
ABOUT THE SAME THING.
(Lowell)
BOY.
WHAT SOME PEOPLE WON'T DO
FOR A HIGHER GRADE.
FOR A LITTLE CHUCKLE?
WATCH THIS.
[people chattering]
[telephone dinging]
[telephone ringing]
GOOD AFTERNOON.
SANDPIPER AIR.
DO YOU HAVE
PRINCE ALBERT IN A CAN?
WHO IS THIS?
IT'S LOWELL.
OH, HELLO, LOWELL.
HI, FAY.
UH, HOW'S YOUR DAY?
FINE.
HOW'S YOUR WIFE AND KIDS?
GREAT.
HOW'S, UH, YOUR COLD?
OH,
MUCH BETTER.
THANKS FOR ASKING.
BEFORE I FORGET, UH,
YOU BETTER LET HIM OUT.
WHO?
PRINCE ALBERT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU GET ME EVERY TIME.
I TELL YA,
IT'S FOOLPROOF.
NOT IN THIS CASE.
[seagulls cawing]
HEY, BRIAN, LOOKS LIKE
WE'RE ALMOST OVER
THE DROP AREA.
OH.
MMM! I'VE NEVER STOCKED A LAKE
WITH FISH BEFORE.
THIS IS
KIND OF EXCITING.
YEAH, IT'S EVERY
PILOT'S DREAM,
DROPPING TROUT
OUT OF AN AIRPLANE.
IT'S THE PART
OF THE LINDBERGH FLIGHT
YOU DON'T HEAR MUCH ABOUT.
HEY, IT'S THE OFF-SEASON.
IT PAYS THE BILLS.
DON'T THEY USUALLY STOCK
THESE LAKES WITH TRUCKS?
I UNDERBID CHARLEY
DOWN AT CHARLEY'S
BAIT AND TACKLE.
YES, AND NOW
YOU CAN BOAST THAT YOU
GOT THE BETTER OF A MAN
WHO SPENDS MOST OF HIS TIME
DOWN AT THE PETTING ZOO
STUFFING GOAT CHOW
DOWN HIS PANTS.
[laughing]
OK, BRIAN, JUST YELL "NOW"
WHEN WE'RE OVER THE LAKE.
RIGHTY-O.
HEY, HELEN.
YEAH?
WANNA TAKE THE CONTROLS
FOR A MINUTE?
WHAT?
WHY, GO AHEAD.
NO, BRIAN.
IT'S A RUSH.
[whistles]
BRIAN, I CAN'T DO THAT.
[stuttering]
NO, I REALLY COULDN'T.
COULD I, YOU THINK?
YEAH, YEAH, GO AHEAD.
GO AHEAD, TAKE THE YOKE.
[gasping]
OOH.
MMM.
BEATS TOSSING FRENCH FRIES
INTO DEEP FAT, HUH?
I'LL SAY.
HUH.
BUT I'M JUST HOLDING
ONTO THE WHEEL. I'M NOT
REALLY FLYING IT, RIGHT?
[giggling]
UH, YOU ARE NOW.
NOW?
YES, NOW.
[splashing]
THERE THEY GO.
WHAT?
YOU SAID "NOW."
I DROPPED THE FISH.
NO, I WASN'T TALKIN' TO YOU.
I WAS TALKIN' TO HER.
WONDER HOW LONG
TROUT CAN LIVE IN TREES.
THANKS FOR TAKING CARE
OF MY DOG
WHILE I'M
IN BOSTON, FAY.
OH, MY PLEASURE, ROY.
I LOVE DOGS.
I'M SURE BRUTUS
AND I'LL GET ALONG FINE.
ARE THERE ANY SPECIAL
LITTLE TREATS THAT HE LIKES?
ANYTHING THAT
PUTS UP A FIGHT.
[laughing]
OH, DON'T BE SILLY, ROY.
HE'S SUCH A SWEET--
[Brutus growling]
MAYBE THIS WASN'T
SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
CAN'T YOU PUT HIM
IN THE KENNEL?
NOT ANYMORE.
THEY BANNED HIM FOR LIFE.
SOME TRUMPED-UP STORY
ABOUT A MISSING CHIHUAHUA.
GEE, I DON'T KNOW, ROY--
OH, COME ON, FAY.
NOW, YOU CAN'T BACK OUT
ON ME AT THE LAST MINUTE.
AND YOU PROMISED.
WELL--
OOPS, THERE'S MY PLANE.
I GOTTA GO.
I'M SURE EVERYTHING
WILL BE FINE.
HERE'S HIS MUZZLE,
FEEDING GLOVE,
AND DISCIPLINE STICK.
OH, AND ONE MORE THING.
IF HE LOWERS HIS EARS
AND HIS PUPILS
GO COMPLETELY BLACK,
RUN LIKE HELL.
HAVE FUN.
[Brutus snarling]
HEY, THERE,
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
JOE, I WANT YOU
TO TEACH ME TO FLY.
YOU?
YES.
YOU WANT TO FLY? YOU?
MISS "I DON'T DATE PILOTS"
WANTS TO BE ONE?
[laughing]
JOE, EVER SINCE
I HAD THOSE CONTROLS
IN MY HANDS THIS MORNING,
IT'S ALL I CAN THINK OF.
THAT POWER, THAT FREEDOM.
YEAH, IT'S PRETTY
GREAT, HUH?
YEAH.
I GUESS ALL THOSE TIMES
YOU WENT ON AND ON AND ON
ABOUT FLYING,
I SHOULD HAVE
BEEN LISTENING.
GEE, IT ALWAYS LOOKED
LIKE YOU WERE RIVETED.
RIVETED, COMATOSE.
IT'S A FINE LINE.
HEY, BRIAN,
GET A LOAD OF THIS.
HELEN WANTS
TO LEARN HOW TO FLY.
YOU? YOU WANT
TO FLY? YOU,
MISS "I DON'T DATE PILOTS"
WANTS TO BE ONE?
[both laughing]
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
JOE SAID THE EXACT
SAME THING.
I KNOW.
I WAS EAVESDROPPING.
OK, JOE,
SO YOU'LL TEACH ME
TO FLY?
[exclaiming]
YEAH SURE. WHY NOT?
HEY, YOU KNOW,
MAYBE I COULD FIND A FEW
OTHER STUDENTS AND START
A LITTLE FLIGHT SCHOOL.
BRIAN, YOU COULD TEACH
THE AIR STUFF
AND, SINCE I'M GROUNDED,
I COULD TEACH
THE GROUND STUFF.
AIR STUFF,
GROUND STUFF. I'M LOST.
HOW ABOUT YOU, HELEN?
YEAH, I--I LIKE THAT IDEA.
I'LL TELL YOU WHEN IT STARTS.
GREAT. THANKS.
OH. OH, HELEN,
BY THE WAY, UH,
DO YOU WANNA GO SEE
A MOVIE SATURDAY NIGHT?
UH, ARE YOU TALKIN'
ABOUT A DATE
OR YOU JUST WANNA
GO TO A MOVIE?
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
WHERE YOUR HANDS ARE
DURING THE MOVIE.
UH, BRIAN.
ALL RIGHT,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.
THINGS ARE STARTING
TO GET A LITTLE PERSONAL.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIT ME
OVER THE HEAD WITH A HAMMER.
NOW WHERE WERE WE?
OH, YES, I WAS
TRYING YOUR PATIENCE.
UH, YOU KNOW, HELEN, WHEN I
ASKED YOU IF YOU WANTED
TO GO TO THE MOVIES
I WAS REALLY
JUST ASKING AS A FRIEND.
OH, GOOD, BECAUSE THAT'S
WHAT I WAS HOPING
THAT YOU MEANT.
YOU KNOW, AFTER
THAT FIRST DATE
THIS WHOLE DATING THING
DIDN'T SEEM TO GO SO WELL.
YEAH, NO KIDDING,
WE NEVER EVEN WENT
ON A 2ND DATE.
OH, YOU NOTICED THAT, TOO?
SO, WE'RE NOT DATING.
OBVIOUSLY NOT.
GREAT!
NOW WE CAN GO TO THE MOVIES
AND ENJOY OURSELVES.
GREAT.
BOY, US DATING WAS
ONE OF THE DUMBEST THINGS
TO COME DOWN THE PIKE
IN A LONG TIME.
WHAT WERE WE THINKING?
I DON'T KNOW.
PROBABLY HOPING
WE WOULD FALL IN LOVE
AND GET MARRIED
AND BE DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY
FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.
[both snorting]
WELL, OK, I THINK
WE'RE JUST ABOUT READY
TO BEGIN.
UH, LOWELL, LOWELL,
WHY DON'T YOU COME
SIT UP HERE WITH THE OTHERS?
WELL, OK, JOE,
I JUST DIDN'T WANT ANYONE
TO THINK I WAS KISSING UP
TO THE TEACHER.
BUT, LOWELL,
BY THE WAY, THANKS
FOR THE CIGARS AND BRANDY.
MY PLEASURE, JOE.
HI, I'M JOE HACKETT,
AND I WOULD LIKE
TO WELCOME YOU ALL
TO THE INAUGURAL CLASS
OF THE HACKETT
FLIGHT ACADEMY.
WHERE OUR MOTTO IS,
"SAFETY FIRST, FUN SECOND."
UH, YES, HELEN?
I WANNA GO UP IN A PLANE.
WHEN DO WE GET TO FLY?
HELEN,
AN AIRPLANE IS
AN INCREDIBLY COMPLICATED
PIECE OF MACHINERY
WITH DOZENS OF DIALS
AND SOPHISTICATED INSTRUMENTS
THAT HAVE TO BE
THOROUGHLY UNDERSTOOD
BEFORE YOU TAKE IT
THOUSANDS OF FEET IN THE AIR.
OH.
SO, LIKE, AFTER LUNCH?
JUST BE PATIENT.
YES, LOWELL?
UH, JOE, WILL THERE BE
A QUESTION ABOUT THE MOTTO
ON THE FINAL EXAM?
NO.
[sputtering]
OK. ANYWAY, UH...
[sputtering]
ANYWAY, JUST TO
GET ACQUAINTED,
WHY DON'T WE ALL SHARE
WHY WE WANT TO FLY? HELEN?
BECAUSE FLYING
A PLANE IS...
ORGASMIC.
OK. LOWELL?
HELEN TOOK MY ANSWER.
UH, MRS. WINDSOR?
HELLO, I'M CATHY WINDSOR
FROM WAUWINET.
I'VE BEEN A HOUSEWIFE
FOR OVER 23 YEARS
AND I'M HERE
BECAUSE I WANNA LAUGH
IN THE FACE OF DEATH.
OK, JUST REMEMBER,
SAFETY FIRST.
NOW, IN TODAY'S CLASS
WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT
THE BASICS OF FLIGHT.
YES, HELEN?
SO YOU'RE SAYING
THAT WE'LL BE FLYING
IN LIKE A COUPLE OF DAYS?
NOT IN MY PLANE,
YOU WON'T.
WE GOT A LOT OF MATERIAL
TO GET THROUGH HERE, PEOPLE.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S JUST START BY TALKING
ABOUT THE 4 FORCES
THAT ACT UPON
A PLANE IN FLIGHT.
[sharpening pencil]
THOSE FORCES ARE LIFT,
THRUST, DRAG, AND WEIGHT.
[sharpening pencil]
NOW LET-- UH--
LET'S START WITH LIFT.
[stuttering]
NOW, LIFT--LIFT--
HEY, LOWELL. LOWELL.
CAN I BORROW
THAT PENCIL SHARPENER
FOR A SECOND?
UH, SURE, TEACH.
A LIFT CAN BEST BE EXPLAINED
BY BERNOULLI'S THEOREM
WHICH STATES
THE FASTER A FLUID MOVES
PAST AN OBJECT...
...IN A NUTSHELL,
IS THE THEORY OF LIFT.
ANY QUESTIONS?
YES!
IT'S BEEN 6 FREAKIN' DAYS
AND WE'RE STILL ON LIFT!
6 DAYS!
6 MIND-NUMBING,
COMA-INDUCING,
SUICIDE-PROVOKING DAYS
OF PURE AND UTTER HELL!
DID WE FORGET
TO RAISE OUR HAND?
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
I'M JUST GONNA TAKE
A LITTLE BREAK.
UH, YEAH, WHY DON'T
WE ALL TAKE A BREAK.
WHEN WE COME BACK
WE'LL HAVE A QUIZ.
YOU'LL NEED
A NUMBER 2 PENCIL.
CAN I BORROW
A NUMBER 2 PENCIL?
HEY, HEY, WHAT THE HELL
WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
IT WAS ABOUT QUITTING, JOE,
WHICH I JUST DID.
WHY?
YOU'RE BORING.
YOU'RE BORING!
YOU'VE MANAGED TO SUCK
EVERY OUNCE OF EXCITEMENT
OUT OF THE MOST EXCITING THING
I'VE EVER DONE.
WELL, I'M SORRY YOU DON'T
FIND IT AS EXCITING
AS MY OTHER STUDENTS DO.
OH, YEAH, RIGHT.
LOWELL SPENT
THE ENTIRE CLASS YESTERDAY
WATCHING AN ANT
PUSH A GRAIN OF SALT
ACROSS HIS DESK.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I ENVIED HIM!
YOU'RE A BITTER WOMAN,
HELEN.
I'M GONNA GO
BACK INTO CLASS.
I SUGGEST YOU JOIN ME.
(Brian)
PSST. HEY, LITTLE GIRL.
DO YOU WANNA FLY?
I'LL LET YOU FLY.
HI, FAY.
(Fay)
HI, ROY. HOW WAS THE TRIP?
IT WAS GREAT.
WHERE'S BRUTUS?
WHERE'S MY LITTLE
MEAT GRINDER?
OH, HERE HE IS.
HE'S OUT OF HIS CAGE!
FAY, HE'S...
YOU...
[Fay cooing]
YES.
(Roy)
BRUTUS?
FAY, WHAT DID YOU
DO TO HIM?
NOTHING.
I TREATED HIM VERY WELL.
NOW, I GAVE HIM
MY YANKEE POT ROAST,
I LET HIM SLEEP ON MY BED.
AND I RUBBED HIS TUMMY.
[growling contentedly]
[cooing]
FAY, HOW COULD YOU
DO THAT TO HIM?
YOU SPOILED HIM.
YOU TURNED HIM
INTO A SISSY DOG.
HE IS NOT A SISSY DOG.
HE JUST GOT IN TOUCH
WITH HIS FEMININE SIDE.
COME ON.
YOU MAKE ME SICK.
THAT BOW IS COMIN'
OFF RIGHT NOW!
[Brutus barking]
[Brutus snarling]
ALTHOUGH IT--IT DOES
SET OFF YOUR EYES.
HEY, BRIAN, COME ON,
LET'S GO FLY.
NO, WE CAN'T TAKE THE PLANE
UNTIL JOE LEAVES
AND HE'S IN THERE RIGHT NOW
TRYING TO INJECT SOME HUMOR
INTO TOMORROW'S LESSON.
OH, FORGET ABOUT IT.
HE'LL BE IN THERE
ALL NIGHT.
WE'LL NEVER GET
THE PLANE OUT OF HERE.
WELL, THAT MIGHT
BE TRUE
IF YOU WERE TALKIN'
TO SOMEBODY WHO KNEW
RIGHT FROM WRONG,
BUT, AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT,
YOU'RE WITH ME.
THE SUCCESSFUL PILOT
IS THE OBSERVANT PILOT.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE AWARE
OF EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING ON
AROUND YOU.
AND YOU MUST BE RESPONSIVE
TO EVERY MOVEMENT
OF YOUR AIRCRAFT.
GOOD.
IT'S GOOD.
OK, BRIAN,
WHEN DO I GET TO FLY?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.
OR NOT.
PERSONALLY,
I FIND FLYING AL FRESCO
QUITE LIBERATING.
OK, OK, TAKE THE YOKE.
[exclaiming]
[moaning]
I REMEMBER THIS.
YEAH, UH,
YOU MIGHT WANT TO GIVE IT
A LITTLE MORE LEFT RUDDER
'CAUSE YOU'RE STARTING
TO YAW A LITTLE BIT.
RUDDER, RUDDER?
THAT IS THE PEDAL. OK.
RIGHT THERE, OK?
RIGHT.
YES. TURN, BABY, TURN.
TURN FOR MAMA, BABY.
TURN, SLOW AND LONG.
HELEN, PLEASE,
STOP DOING THAT.
OH, STOP TURNING?
NO, STOP TALKING LIKE THAT.
YOU'RE STARTIN'
TO GET ME HOT.
I MEAN, YOU ARE DATING
MY BROTHER.
WELL, ACTUALLY NOT,
WE DECIDED IT WASN'T
SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
REALLY?
YEAH.
JUST GIVE IT
A LITTLE MORE RIGHT RUDDER.
[moaning]
OH, YES.
GIVE IT RUDDER.
[moaning]
OH, YEAH.
MIND IF I JOIN YOU?
[moaning]
[exclaiming]
[moaning]
[metallic rattling]
WHAT WAS THAT?
SHUT UP
AND KEEP TURNING.
NO, BRIAN,
WHAT WAS THAT?
BAH, IT WAS PROBABLY JUST
A LOOSE FIRE EXTINGUISHER
OR SOMETHING.
HERE, HOLD A STEADY COURSE.
I'LL CHECK IT OUT.
OK.
OH, YEAH--
OH, GOD!
OH, GOD! BRIAN,
I'M SO SORRY!
I SWEAR, I DIDN'T
TOUCH ANYTHING.
BRIAN?
BRIAN?
OH, BRIAN, QUIT
FOOLING AROUND.
OH, LORD!
OH!
[exclaiming]
OK, BRIAN, IF YOU'RE
TRYING TO SCARE ME,
THIS IS NOT VERY FUNNY.
OH, GOD! OH, GOD!
OH, GOD! OH! OH!
OH, I THINK
I'M GONNA THROW UP.
OH, GOD!
OK, GET YOURSELF
TOGETHER, HELEN.
NOW, YOU HAVE HAD
6 DAYS OF GROUND SCHOOL.
YOU KNOW LOTS OF STUFF.
ABOUT LIFT. OH, GOD!
[gasping]
OK. OK.
HELLO? HELLO? HELLO?
(man on radio)
THIS IS NANTUCKET TOWER.
PLEASE IDENTIFY YOURSELF.
OVER.
UM, UH--UH, YES,
THIS IS-- THIS IS
HELEN CHAPEL.
YOU KNOW,
FROM THE LUNCH COUNTER?
COULD I PLEASE TALK
TO SOMEONE WHO KNOWS
HOW TO LAND A PLANE?
THE TOWER JUST CALLED.
HELEN'S UP IN THE PLANE.
BRIAN IS OUT COLD.
SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO MAKE
AN EMERGENCY LANDING.
ALL RIGHT. NOBODY PANIC.
THE FIRST THING IS...
UH--UH, NO, UH...
[stuttering]
FAY, CALL 911.
TELL 'EM TO NOTIFY
THE PARAMEDICS WE HAVE
A POSSIBLE CRASH LANDING.
THEN CALL THE HOSPITAL,
TELL 'EM TO GET
THEIR TRAUMA TEAM TOGETHER,
JUST IN CASE.
ROY!
[gasping]
WAIT, HELEN IS ABOVE--
[stuttering]
ROY!
SNAP OUT OF IT!
CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
TELL THEM WE HAVE FOAM
AND DRY CHEMICALS HERE,
BUT I WANT
THEIR 2 NEWEST PUMPER TRUCKS
HERE ON THE DOUBLE.
TELL 'EM I KNOW IT TAKES
8 MINUTES TO GET HERE.
I WANT 'EM HERE IN 4.
I'M GONNA GET THE FOAM TRUCK
OUT ON THE RUNWAY.
NOW LET'S MOVE IT!
THIS IS FOR HELEN!
LOWELL,
THE RUNWAY IS THIS WAY.
RIGHT!
WHAT'S THE SITUATION,
WALTER?
HER ALTITUDE'S 3,500,
HEADING...
210, CEILING IS 10,000,
BROKEN WIND 170,
TRUE AT 5 KNOTS.
I'VE MOVED OUT
THE TRAFFIC IN THE AREA.
SHE'S CLEAR TO LAND.
GOT SOME APPLES OVER HERE,
IF YOU'RE HUNGRY.
[stuttering]
NO, THANKS.
I BELONG TO
THE FRUIT-OF-THE-MONTH CLUB.
NEXT MONTH: MANGOS.
HELEN, I CAN'T SEE YOU.
SO THE FIRST THING
WE NEED TO DO
IS TO MAKE SURE
YOU'RE FLYING LEVEL.
HOW'S YOUR ATTITUDE?
HOW'S MY ATTITUDE?
HOW IS MY ATTITUDE?
IT STINKS!
THAT'S HOW MY ATTITUDE IS!
I'M FLYIN' IN A GAS TANK
WITH WINGS!
HOW WOULD
YOUR ATTITUDE BE?
YOU GOTTA HELP ME, JOE.
I'M GONNA DIE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
I MEANT
THE PLANE'S ATTITUDE.
OH, UM...
UH--UH, WELL,
THE--THE WINGIE THINGS
ARE LEVEL
WITH THE HORIZON THING.
GOOD. OK,
NOW, JUST TAKE IT EASY.
LISTEN TO EVERYTHING I SAY,
AND YOU'RE GONNA BE
JUST FINE.
[sighing]
I DON'T KNOW HOW
I'M GONNA TALK HER DOWN.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU
UP HERE, JOE.
I DON'T GET MUCH COMPANY.
DID YOU SEE
THAT BRUINS GAME YESTERDAY?
WALTER, CAN WE CHAT LATER?
I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF A LITTLE CRISIS.
I SAW THIS HAPPEN
ONCE BEFORE--
AND IT TURNED
OUT FINE?
I FORGET.
PRETZEL?
HELEN, I'M HAVIN'
A LITTLE TROUBLE
MAKIN' YOU OUT.
UH, CAN YOU
WIGGLE YOUR WINGS?
LOOK, I'M HAVING
A LITTLE TROUBLE
MAKIN' YOU OUT.
CAN YOU WIGGLE
THE TOWER?
SHE'S A LITTLE SPITFIRE.
OK, I CAN SEE YOU.
I CAN SEE YOU.
NOW, UH...
YOU'RE TOO HIGH. UH, MAYBE
YOU SHOULD SWING AROUND
AND COME IN AGAIN.
YEAH, AND MAYBE I SHOULD
GO OUT ON THE WING
AND DO A LITTLE FAN DANCE,
BUT I'M NOT GONNA, JOE.
I'M GONNA LAND
AND I'M GONNA LAND RIGHT NOW.
ALL RIGHT.
REDUCE YOUR SPEED BY HALF.
AND YOU'RE LINED UP
PERFECTLY WITH THE RUNWAY.
UH, NOW, AFTER I TELL YOU
TO DO SOMETHING,
YOU SAY "CHECK"
SO I KNOW
YOU'VE DONE IT, OK?
(Helen)
OK.
OK.
SET THE FUEL SELECTOR
TO "MAIN TANKS."
THE FUEL SELECTOR
ONTO THE MAIN TANKS.
UM, CHECK.
GOOD. NOW,
UH, MAKE SURE
THAT THE AUXILIARY
FUEL PUMP IS ON.
YOU REMEMBER
WHERE THAT IS?
IS ON...
[screeching]
UM, NO!
COME ON, HELEN,
COME ON!
DO YOU EVER THINK
ABOUT GROWING A MUSTACHE?
SHOULDN'T YOU BE
DOING SOMETHING?
NOPE. I PRETTY MUCH
JUST WATCH THE BLIPS.
HEY. THERE SHE IS.
OH, JOE, I DON'T KNOW
WHERE THE AUXILIARY
FUEL PUMP IS.
HELEN, WE WENT OVER THIS
IN CLASS TODAY.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT,
YOU WEREN'T IN CLASS TODAY.
I DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR A LECTURE
RIGHT NOW, JOE.
JUST TELL ME
WHERE THE DAMN THING IS!
OH, I FOUND IT MYSELF.
ALL RIGHT.
SET THE FUEL MIXTURE
TO "FULL RICH."
FUEL MIXTURE
TO FULL RICH.
CHECK.
OK, UH, UH,
THROTTLE TO IDLE.
FLAPS TO ONE QUARTER.
CHECK.
I--I THINK
THAT WAS ONE-QUARTER.
AND I--I HOPE THOSE
WERE THE FLAPS.
ALL RIGHT,
LOWER YOUR LANDING GEAR
AND K-K-KEEP YOUR WINGS
STRAIGHT. NO! NO!
STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT!
OK, OK! DON'T HAVE TO
YELL AT ME, JOE.
(Joe)
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE OVER
THE RUNWAY.
NOW--NOW EASE
THE YOKE BACK.
THAT'S RIGHT,
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
[screaming]
YES! YES!
(Helen)
OH, GOD!
CUT THE ENGINES,
HIT THE BRAKES!
OH, GOD! I DID IT!
JOE?
JOE?
JOE?
LOWELL, I GOTTA
HAND IT TO YOU.
YOU HANDLED
THAT CRISIS BEAUTIFULLY.
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU HAD THAT IN YOU.
ROY, SOME MEN
ARE BORN LEADERS.
OTHERS HAVE LEADERSHIP
THRUST UPON THEM.
IT'S INCREDIBLE.
GOOD NIGHT, LOWELL.
OH, OH, ONE MORE THING.
NEVER DO THAT
TO ME AGAIN.
GOTCHA.
NIGHT, ROY.
NIGHT, LOWELL.
HEY, BRIAN.
BRIAN, ARE YOU OK?
YEAH, MY HEAD'S STILL SORE.
I BANGED IT PRETTY BAD.
WELL, YOU TAKE CARE
OF YOURSELF.
I WANT YOU STRONG AND HEALTHY
WHEN I BEAT YOUR BRAINS OUT.
HELEN, HELEN,
PUT THAT GUN DOWN!
I CAN'T DO THAT.
JOE WOULD KILL ME
IF I TOOK HIS PLANE.
IT WOULD BE WRONG!
GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
WRONG!
HEY, HEY, WAIT--WAIT.
WAIT A MINUTE
HELEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GET OUT HERE.
OH, I KNOW
WHAT I DID WAS WRONG,
JOE, I'M SORRY.
PLEASE, JUST
DON'T YELL AT ME.
DON'T YELL AT ME--
I GUESS
I DESERVED THAT.
HELEN, WHEN YOU WERE
UP IN THE PLANE,
AND I WAS WONDERING
IF I COULD EVER
GET YOU BACK IN ONE PIECE,
I COULD ONLY THINK
ABOUT ONE THING.
I KNOW. I KNOW, JOE.
I COULD ONLY THINK
OF ONE THING, TOO.
AND I BET
WE WERE THINKIN'
ABOUT THE SAME THING.
WE'RE WIMPS.
THAT WASN'T IT.
BUT WE ARE.
WE'RE WIMPS.
WE'RE SO AFRAID TO TAKE
A CHANCE ON ANYTHING.
SO WHAT IF DATING
MIGHT RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIP.
UH, YOU DYING IN A FIERY CRASH
WOULD HAVE DONE A PRETTY
GOOD JOB OF THAT, TOO.
SO WHAT ARE
YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING
LET'S GO FOR IT.
LET'S NOT HOLD ANYTHING BACK.
LET'S TAKE THE ULTIMATE STEP.
LET'S...
DATE.
THEN WE WERE THINKIN'
ABOUT THE SAME THING.
(Lowell)
BOY.
WHAT SOME PEOPLE WON'T DO
FOR A HIGHER GRADE.