Wings (1990–1997): Season 2, Episode 11 - A Terminal Christmas - full transcript

I'M SORRY, SIR.
BUT YOU REALLY CAN'T
TAKE THAT ON BOARD.

OUR LUGGAGE BINS ARE TOO SMALL
AND IT WON'T FIT
UNDER THE SEAT.

OH, NO, ISN'T THERE ANY WAY
I CAN GET THIS ON THE PLANE?

IT'S A BRAND NEW GOLF BAG.

I'M SORRY.

HOW 'BOUT IF I BOUGHT
A SEAT FOR IT?

I'M AFRAID
WE'RE ALL BOOKED UP.

WELL.

THEN HERE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

AND MERRY CHRISTMAS
TO YOU, TOO.



OH, JOE,
WE'RE DOING A LOT BETTER
THAN LAST CHRISTMAS.

[seagulls cawing]

[people chattering]

PLEASE, JOE, TELL ME
THAT NO ONE'S MADE
A RESERVATION

FOR THAT STUPID CHRISTMAS DAY
FLIGHT TOMORROW.

NOT YET.

WELL, CAN'T YOU CANCEL IT?

I WANT TO GO SKIING
AS MUCH AS YOU DO,

BUT WE'RE THE ONLY ONES FLYING
TO NEW BEDFORD TOMORROW.

SOMETIMES, WE JUST HAVE TO
GIVE UP OUR OWN HOLIDAYS

SO THAT OTHER PEOPLE
CAN ENJOY THEIRS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
TELL YOU WHAT.
TELL YOU WHAT.

YOU GIVE ME CHRISTMAS DAY OFF,
OK, AND I WILL WORK

FLAG DAY, ARBOR DAY,
I'LL EVEN THROW IN
ST. SWITHIN'S DAY.



DID I HEAR WE'RE WORKING ON
ST. SWITHIN'S DAY?

JUST HALF DAY.

UH, SO, FAY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'

FOR THE HOLIDAYS?
YOU NEVER SAID.

OH, UH, WELL,
YOU KNOW, THE USUAL.

UMM, I'M HAVING A FEW FRIENDS
OVER FOR A TRADITIONAL
CHRISTMAS DINNER

AND IT'S REALLY TOO BAD
YOU BOYS CAN'T MAKE IT.

UH, DON'T YOU WORRY
ABOUT US, FAY.

JOEY AND I ARE GONNA
GO SKIING IN VERMONT.

JOE'S GONNA BE
WORKIN' ON HIS SLALOM

AND I'M GONNA BE TEACHING
SOME SKI BUNNY
HOW TO DO A DOUBLE BRIAN.

LOOK, BRIAN,
I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL.
WHAT?

IF WE DON'T GET
A RESERVATION BY 5:00,
WE'LL TAKE OFF FOR VERMONT.

DEAL. GREAT,
NO RESERVATION, NO FLIGHT.

[telephone ringing]

I LOVE THIS MAN.

HELLO?

UH, NO, NEVER HEARD
OF SANDPIPER AIR.

THIS IS BUCK'S BAIT
AND TACKLE SHOP,

YOU'RE TALKIN'
TO THE BUCKSTER.

NO, NO SANDPIPER AIR,

BUT IF YOU'RE EVER
IN THE MARKET
FOR A LITTLE CHOPPED SQUID--

HELLO?

(Joe)
SO, YOU EXCITED ABOUT

YOUR FOLKS COMIN' IN
FROM TEXAS FOR THE HOLIDAY.

OH, YOU BET.

BUT I'M EVEN MORE EXCITED
THAT THEY'RE NOT GONNA
SPEND IT WITH MY SISTER.

WHY'S THAT?

WELL, THEY ALWAYS SPEND
CHRISTMAS IN HAWAII
WITH LORRAINE

AND HER RICH, STUPID HUSBAND
AND THOSE LITTLE
SPOILED BRAT KIDS.

LORRAINE CALLS ME
EVERY CHRISTMAS MORNING,
COLLECT,

AND IT'S ALWAYS HALEAKALA
THIS AND KILAUEA THAT.
WELL, NOT THIS YEAR.

THIS YEAR WHEN THOSE
2 LITTLE MONSTERS ASK HER,

"WHERE'S GRANDMA
AND GRANDPA?"

SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO
TELL 'EM, "THEY'RE NOT HERE.

THEY'RE AT AUNT HELEN'S."

[whooping]
BOY, THIS IS GONNA BE
AN AWESOME CHRISTMAS.

FAY EVELYN COCHRAN?

WELL, I'LL BE DARNED.

HELLO, FRANK.
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?

OH, I'M PICKIN' UP
MY DAUGHTER
AND HER HIPPIE BOYFRIEND.

HE'S A COMMUNIST,
BUT THAT DOESN'T KEEP HIM
FROM SMOKIN' MY CIGARS.

HEY, I HAVEN'T
SEEN YOU IN, UH...

WELL, IT'S GOTTA BE
OVER A YEAR.

WELL, EVER SINCE
GEORGE DIED.

WELL, THERE DIDN'T SEEM
TO BE MUCH REASON
TO GO DOWN TO THE MARINA

ONCE I SOLD OUR BOAT.

YOU KNOW,
I HAVE BEEN SO BUSY,

I'VE BEEN HANGIN' LIGHTS
ON MY CABIN CRUISER

FOR THIS YEAR'S CHRISTMAS
BOAT PARADE.

OH, ARE THEY STILL
DOIN' THAT THING?

OH, THAT'S GREAT,
'CAUSE MY--MY BROTHER JOE

ENTERED A LITTLE SAILBOAT
ONCE AND HE SPENT HOURS

MAKIN' RUDOLPH
THE RED-NOSED REINDEER

OUT OF
ALL THESE COLORED LIGHTS.

BUT I RE-ARRANGED
THE LIGHTS

SO THAT SOMETHING OTHER THAN
RUDOLPH'S NOSE LIT UP.

HE DIDN'T WIN.

UH, WELL, UH, HERE THEY ARE,
UH, EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.

UH, MY DAUGHTER
AND MR. TROTSKY HAVE ARRIVED.

OH! HI.

WHAT A RANCID
LITTLE ROOSTER HE IS.

OH, I--I KNOW
I SHOULDN'T SAY THAT

AT CHRISTMAS TIME,
BUT HE USED TO MAKE GEORGE
SO MAD.

EVERY YEAR
GEORGE WOULD SPEND WEEKS
DECORATING OUR BOAT.

THEN FRANK WOULD WIN
THE GRAND PRIZE
AND REALLY RUB IT IN.

GEORGE WOULD HAVE
GIVEN ANYTHING
TO BE ABLE TO BEAT

THAT LITTLE WINKER-STINKER.

SO, I'VE GOT
THIS EXTRA ROOM,

SO MY FOLKS'LL BE
STAYING WITH ME.

YEAH, I'M PUTTING UP
SOME RELATIVES MYSELF.

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
IS IN FOR THE WEEK.

OUCH.

UH, SHE'S NOT SO BAD.

NO, I JUST BIT MY TONGUE,
THAT REALLY HURTS.

THEN DON'T DO THAT.

UH, BUNNY'S MOM,
SHE'S A GREAT OLD GAL.

DOESN'T LOOK A DAY OVER 40.

YEAH, HOW OLD IS SHE?

40.

THOUGHT I MADE THAT CLEAR.

[telephone ringing]

HELLO AND WELCOME
TO THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK
HOTLINE.

PRESS 1 FOR JORDY.
2, IF DONNIE'S YOUR FAVE.

3 FOR DANNY.

AND THANKS FOR CALLING
SANDPIPER AIR--

HELLO, CAN I HELP YOU?

YEAH, YEAH,
THERE ARE STILL SEATS
AVAILABLE

FOR TOMORROW'S FLIGHT.
NO, NO, NO, JOE.

JUST ONE SEAT, MR. TOLBERT?

YEAH, IT'S OUR PLEASURE.
THANKS FOR FLYING SANDPIPER.

BRIAN, I-- SORRY,
THE GUY'S GOT BUSINESS
IN NEW BEDFORD.

OH, YEAH, WELL JUST FOR THAT,
THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS SANTA CLAUS.

YOU KNOW, 4 YEARS AGO
THAT MIGHT'VE HURT.

NO, NO, JOE,
THIS IS THE WORST
CHRISTMAS EVER.

I USED TO THINK
IT WAS THE ONE

WHERE MOM AND DAD
BOUGHT US THOSE HAMSTERS

AND FORGOT TO POKE
AIR HOLES IN THE BOX.

BUT AT LEAST THAT HAD
A MOMENT OF DRAMATIC TENSION.

I CANNOT BELIEVE
WE'RE HERE ON CHRISTMAS DAY

TO TAKE ONE GUY
TO NEW BEDFORD.

IT'S LIKE A TOMB IN HERE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, FELLAS.

(Brian)
LOWELL, WHAT ARE YOU
DOIN' HERE?

WELL, I EXPERIENCED
SOME OF THAT
HOLIDAY STRESS

YOU'RE ALWAYS HEARIN' ABOUT.

MY WIFE KICKED ME
OFF THE BOAT LAST NIGHT.

ON CHRISTMAS EVE, WHY?

WELL, I SORT OF MADE A PASS
AT MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.

WELL, I GUESS
IT WAS THOSE
HOT BUTTERED RUMS.

ONE MINUTE,
I'M FEELING PRETTY LOOSE.

NEXT MINUTE, LOWELL JUNIOR'S
RUNNING AROUND SCREAMING,

"DADDY'S GOT HIS HAND
ON GRANNY'S NUM-NUM."

WHY, LOWELL,
YOU RANDY OLD SEA-DOG, YOU.

YEAH, YOU PRAY
FOR AN OBSERVANT CHILD,
AND THEN THIS HAPPENS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, ROY.

SHUT UP!

YE MERRY, GENTLEMEN,
LET NOTHING YOU DISMAY

ROY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOIN' HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU AND YOUR SON
WERE HAVING CHRISTMAS
TOGETHER.

WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW,

R.J. AND HIS FRIENDS DECIDED
TO FOLLOW THE GRATEFUL DEAD
DOWN TO GAINESVILLE.

NOW, WHAT WOULD MAKE A KID
WANT TO SIT IN A MUDDY FIELD
ON CHRISTMAS

WITH 20,000 SMELLY
TRIPPED OUT DEADHEADS.

THE PROSPECT
OF WATCHING YOU
CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN.

EAT MY SHORTS.

WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY,
FA LA LA LA LA,
LA LA LA LA

ROY, WERE THOSE
THE ONLY 2 PASSENGERS
ON THAT FLIGHT?

YEAH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOUR--YOUR FOLKS
DIDN'T SHOW?

NO, AND I'M GETTING
REALLY WORRIED.

OH, I DON'T KNOW
IF THIS IS PERTINENT
OR NOT, HELEN,

BUT, UH, YOUR PARENTS CALLED
BEFORE YOU GOT HERE

AND SAID
THEY WEREN'T COMING.

WHAT? WHY?

WELL, THEY WENT
TO THEIR LOCAL
CHRISTMAS PAGEANT

AND THE CAMEL
FELL ON YOUR MOTHER.

OH, MY GOD! IS SHE OK?

SHE'S FINE,
NOT A SCRATCH.

BUT THEY MISSED
THEIR LAST FLIGHT
OUT OF HOUSTON.

WELL, THERE GOES
MY CHRISTMAS DOWN THE TOILET.

WELL, LOOK, OUR PASSENGER'S
GOT 8 MINUTES TO SHOW UP.

IF HE DOESN'T,
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE SALVAGE
WHAT'S LEFT OF THIS CHRISTMAS?

YOU COME SKIING
WITH BRIAN AND ME.

THAT'S RIGHT, JOE,
THERE WAS A CALL
FOR YOU, TOO.

WOW, WHERE IS MY MIND?

I THINK ZIPPY THE PINHEAD
HAD IT LAST.

SOME GUY NAMED TOLBERT CALLED
AND CANCELED HIS RESERVATION.

HE--HE DID?
THAT'S GREAT. HEY, BRIAN.

BRIAN, GREAT NEWS.
YEAH.

FLIGHT'S CANCELED.
WE CAN GO TO VERMONT.

GREAT, GREAT 'CAUSE
I WAS JUST LISTENING
TO THE WEATHER SERVICE

AND THEY SAID THAT
THE CONDITIONS ARE PERFECT
FOR SKIING.

GREAT.
ALL RIGHT.

AND TERRIBLE FOR LANDING.

THEY'RE SNOWED IN.
AIRPORT'S CLOSED.

WELL, IT'S OFFICIAL.

THIS CHRISTMAS SUCKS.

LOOKS LIKE FAY
IS THE ONLY ONE OF US
HAVIN' A GOOD HOLIDAY.

OH, YEAH.

SHE'S THROWING
THAT BIG CHRISTMAS PARTY,
ISN'T SHE?

YOU THINK,
SHE'D MIND IF WE DROPPED BY?

I DON'T KNOW, MAN,
LET'S TRY IT.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WE--WE SHOULD AT LEAST
CALL HER FIRST.

OH, YEAH, GOD KNOWS
WHAT THOSE OLD PEOPLE DO

WITH THE SHADES DOWN.
COME ON, JOE.

LET'S GO.
SHE PRACTICALLY BEGGED US.

ROY, LOWELL. WE'RE GONNA GO
CRASH FAY'S PARTY.

COULDN'T BE ANY WORSE
THAN THIS.

IT'S BUSY.

WAIT, IF IT LOOKS LIKE
WE'RE INTRUDING,
WE SHOULD LEAVE.

LET'S WORK OUT
SOME KIND OF SIGNAL,
THOUGH.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL TOUCH
THE BRIM OF MY CAP

AND THAT MEANS
THAT WE LEAVE, YOU GOT IT?

[all agreeing]
OK.

NO, WAIT,
I DON'T HAVE A CAP ON.

ALL RIGHT, HOW ABOUT THIS?

I'LL TOUCH MY NOSE
WITH MY TONGUE.

NO, WAIT.
LAST TIME I TRIED THAT

I SPRAINED MY TONGUE,
COULDN'T TALK
FOR A WEEK.

GOOD,
WE'LL GO WITH THAT ONE.

NO, DON'T RING THE BELL.
LET'S SURPRISE HER.

(Brian)
WELL, UH,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

UH, MERRY CHRISTMAS,
ON THE COUNT OF 3.
READY?

OK.
(all)
1, 2, 3.

(all)
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

WHAT?

[gasping]
WHAT IS IT?

FAY, WHY ARE YOU
SITTING HERE?

YOU'RE ALL ALONE.

IN THE DARK.

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT...

WELL, IT'S MY FIRST CHRISTMAS
SINCE GEORGE DIED.

[clock ticking]

WOULD IT BE IMPOLITE
TO ASK FOR SOME EGGNOG?

YES.

FAY, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?
WHY DID YOU MAKE UP
THAT STORY ABOUT A PARTY?

WELL, I DIDN'T FEEL
MUCH IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT,

AND I KNEW YOU DEAR PEOPLE
WOULD TRY TO CHEER ME UP.

ANYWAY, I DIDN'T WANT
TO RUIN YOUR CHRISTMAS.

OH, THANKS FOR
THE THOUGHT, FAY,

BUT THAT TRAIN
LEFT THE STATION HOURS AGO.

UH, HEY, GUYS,
MAYBE WE BETTER GET GOING.

UH, NO, DON'T GO, UM...

YOUR COMPANY
MIGHT DO ME SOME GOOD.

THEN WE'D BE HAPPY TO STAY.

HAPPY?
HAPPY.

HAPPY.

UH, BUT--BUT I WOULDN'T
WANT TO IMPOSE.

OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
WE CAME TO SPEND CHRISTMAS
WITH YOU.

OH, AND I FEEL
MUCH BETTER ALREADY.

UH, WELL, JUST MAKE
YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE,
SIT ANYWHERE.

[Brian mumbling]

NO! NOT THERE!

NO, UH, THAT'S THE CHAIR
GEORGE DIED IN.

THAT CHAIR?
YES, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.

NO, I DON'T MIND AT ALL.
I'LL JUST STAND
RIGHT OVER THERE.

UH,

THERE'S GOTTA BE
SOMETHING BETTER ON
THAN THIS JAPANESE CHANNEL.

OH, LOOK, THAT OLD LADY
FALLS DOWN AND CAN'T GET UP
IN TOKYO, TOO.

[music playing
on television]

[woman shouting in Japanese]

YEAH, WELL, SAYONARA.

UH, NO, DON'T.

UH, UH, I'M SORRY, ROY,

IT'S JUST...
THAT WAS THE LAST THING
GEORGE WAS WATCHING

BEFORE HE DIED.

THE JAPANESE CHANNEL?

WELL, HE SORT OF
PASSED AWAY IN MID-CLICK.

FAY, ARE YOU SAYING

THAT YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED
ANYTHING IN THIS HOUSE
SINCE GEORGE DIED?

WELL, I JUST HAVEN'T TOUCHED
GEORGE'S THINGS.

UH, HIS PIPE
IS WHERE HE LEFT IT.

HIS BOOK IS OPENED
TO THE PAGE HE WAS ON.

HIS DENTURES ARE SOAKING
IN HIS CUP BY THE BOOKCASE.

I KNOW, IT MUST SEEM SILLY,
BUT SOMEHOW
IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL

THAT HE'S NOT REALLY GONE.

WELL, LOOK.

UH, UH, WHY DON'T I CHANGE
OUT OF THIS ROBE

AND WE'LL DO
THIS HOLIDAY RIGHT.

[Brian whistling]

[clearing throat]
WE'RE NOT GONNA,
LIKE, FIND GEORGE

SITTING UP
IN A ROCKING CHAIR,
OR ANYTHING, ARE WE?

HE'S GOT A POINT, LETS GO.

WAIT, LOOK.

WE CAME HERE BECAUSE
WE'RE ALL DEPRESSED,

WE'RE HAVIN'
A LOUSY CHRISTMAS,

BUT IT JUST SO HAPPENS
THAT FAY IS HAVING
AN EVEN LOUSIER CHRISTMAS.

LEAST WE CAN DO
IS STICK AROUND
AND SEE HER THROUGH THIS.

JOE'S RIGHT.
I HADN'T REALLY THOUGHT
ABOUT IT MUCH,

BUT WE'RE THE CLOSEST THING
TO FAMILY SHE'S GOT.

GEE, US, FAMILY.

GUESS THAT WOULD MAKE ROY
THE WEIRD BACHELOR UNCLE

THAT NO ONE
EVER TALKS ABOUT, HUH?

[all exclaiming]
OH, FAY, LOOK AT YOU.

OH, THANK YOU, HELEN.
THANK YOU, EVERYONE.

UH, AND MERRY CHRISTMAS.

(all)
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

NOW WHAT?

OH, YEAH, WELL, I KNOW,
LET'S-- LET'S HAVE
A CHRISTMAS DINNER.

UH, WELL,
ALL THE STORES ARE CLOSED

AND I DON'T THINK I HAVE
THE RIGHT FOOD
FOR A CHRISTMAS DINNER.

OH, FAY, NONSENSE.
WE DON'T NEED
THE RIGHT FOOD.

WE'LL MAKE DO
WITH WHAT WE HAVE,
LIKE THE PILGRIMS.

JOE, THE--THE PILGRIMS
WERE THANKSGIVING.

OH, LIKE THEY DIDN'T EAT
ON CHRISTMAS, TOO.

SAY, ROY, HOW ABOUT
PASSING ME SOME OF THAT
FESTIVE WHEAT GERM.

ONLY IF YOU'LL SEND
ONE OF THOSE YULETIDE
RICE CAKES MY WAY.

MMM, HOW DO THEY
MAKE THEM SO DRY?

WITHOUT A SALAD,
CROUTONS ARE JUST
STALE BREAD, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, BACK IN THE MANGER
THEY WOULD'VE BEEN HAPPY
TO HAVE THIS STUFF.

OH, YEAH, I REMEMBER
READING SOMEWHERE
THAT COCKTAIL ONIONS

WERE A PARTICULAR FAVORITE
OF THE BABY JESUS.

SO HOW YOU DOIN', FAY?

FINE.
(Joe)
CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?

FINE.

UH...
HEY, I HAVE AN IDEA.

LET'S, UH, SING
SOME CHRISTMAS CAROLS.
I'LL START IT OFF FROM

SLEIGH BELLS RING
ARE YOU LISTENING?

IN THE LANE
THE SNOW IS GLISTENIN'

A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT

DA DA DA DA DUM

WALKING IN
MY WINTER UNDERWEAR

LOWELL! LOWELL!
LOWELL! LOWELL!

I THINK THE LYRICS ARE
WALKING IN
A WINTER WONDERLAND.

UH, THAT
WOULD BE SILLY, BRIAN.

WONDERLAND'S A DOG TRACK,
AND IM PRETTY SURE
IT'S CLOSED IN THE WINTER.

TRUST ME, IT'S UNDERWEAR.

LOWELL, WHY--WHY DON'T YOU
GO IN THE KITCHEN

AND SEE IF YOU CAN
SCARE UP SOME DESSERT?

OH, YOU GOT IT, JOE.

I'LL BE JOAN
FOR CHRISTMAS

WHY IS IT
WHENEVER I'M AROUND HIM
I HEAR DUELING BANJOS?

EVERY YEAR,
GEORGE WOULD SING
THAT SONG TO ME.

THERE'S WORDS TO THAT SONG,
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST BANJOS.

I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

YOU CAN COUNT ON ME

EVERYBODY NOW.

(Lowell)
GOOD NEWS,
I FOUND THE COOKIE JAR.

WHY, I CAN HEAR
SOMETHIN' RATTLING
AROUND IN HERE,

BUT I'M
HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE--

NO! LOWELL, DON'T!

[all clamoring]
WHAT'S WRONG, FAY?

GEORGE IS IN HERE.

WHO CALLED IT, HUH?

ACTUALLY, GEORGE WANTED
TO HAVE HIS ASHES SCATTERED
AT SEA,

BUT I JUST COULDN'T BRING
MYSELF TO DO IT.
I--I COULDN'T THROW HIM AWAY.

FAY, IT MAY NOT BE MY PLACE,

BUT I DON'T THINK GEORGE
WOULD HAVE WANTED YOU
TO LIVE LIKE THIS.

OH, I KNOW, AND IT'S NOT
AS IF I HAVEN'T HAD TO DEAL
WITH DEATH BEFORE.

AFTER ALL,
I--I HAD 2 OTHER GEORGES
GO ON ME,

BUT THIS GEORGE
WAS DIFFERENT.

THIS WAS THE GEORGE
I WANTED TO GROW OLD WITH.

[crunching]

FAY, DO YOU THINK MAYBE
IT'S TIME TO LET GO?

IF GEORGE WANTED
HIS ASHES SCATTERED AT SEA,

MAYBE THIS WOULD BE
THE PERFECT TIME TO DO IT.

[crunching]

I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, YEAH.

UH, IT COULD BE SORT OF
LIKE A CHRISTMAS PRESENT
TO GEORGE.

WE CAN GO UP IN THE PLANE
RIGHT NOW AND DO IT.

YEAH.

WELL, UH,
MAYBE NOW WOULD
BE A GOOD TIME.

UM, MAYBE YOUR RIGHT.
GREAT.

THEN LET'S GO.

BOY, THIS CHRISTMAS
JUST KEEPS GETTIN' BETTER
AND BETTER.

FAY, YOU OK?

I THINK SO.
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M DOING THIS.

THERE'S A LOT OF THAT
GOIN' AROUND.

UH, IT'S A BIT OVERCAST,

BUT I THINK WE'RE FAR ENOUGH
AWAY FROM SHORE.

LOWELL, YOU WANT TO GO BACK
AND GET GEORGE.

I'D BE HONORED.

I HOPE I'M DOING
THE RIGHT THING.

FAY, I AM CONVINCED
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT GEORGE
WOULD'VE WANTED.

[jar breaking]

(Lowell)
OOPS!

WELL, MAYBE NOT EXACTLY.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I, UH, SPILLED GEORGE.

OH, MY GOD.

FAY, IT'LL BE OK.

LOWELL, THERE'S A DUSTBUSTER
IN THE BACK OF THE PLANE
THERE.

RIGHT.

YOU HAVE A DUSTBUSTER
ON THE PLANE?

YEAH, SURE, MAKE FUN,
BUT IT COMES IN HANDY
FOR JUST SUCH AN EMERGENCY.

[DustBuster whirring]

BOY, THIS LITTLE BABY REALLY
HAS GREAT SUCTION.

I KNEW IT.
I KNEW THIS WASN'T RIGHT.

NO, NO, FAY...

NO, JOE, I CAN'T DO IT.
I CAN'T LET GEORGE GO.

UH, LOOK, UH,

FAY,

THOSE ASHES AREN'T GEORGE.

THEY'RE JUST ASHES.

I LOST SYLVIA
A FEW YEARS AGO

AND I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
NOT TO WANNA LET GO.

BUT, FAY,

YOU GOT TO LET GO.

IT'S JUST SO HARD.

WE KNOW. WE KNOW.

WELL, I THINK
I GOT ALL OF HIM.

I NEED A MOMENT.

YOU TAKE AS LONG AS YOU NEED.

WELL, LOOK, UH,
IF WE'RE GONNA DO THIS
WE BETTER DO IT SOON

'CAUSE WE'RE RUNNIN' LOW
ON FUEL.

SWEET MOTHER OF GOD.

JUST KIDDING!

BUT I REALLY HAVE TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.

THIS IS THE LOVELIEST FUNERAL
I'VE EVER BEEN TO.

YOU KNOW, FAY,
IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE
WITH THIS,

WE DON'T HAVE TO DO IT TODAY.
WE CAN DO IT ANOTHER DAY.

LOWELL,
GIVE ME THE DUSTBUSTER.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

I'M GONNA BURY
GEORGE AT SEA.

IN MY DUSTBUSTER?

JOE.
IT'S BRAND NEW.

SHOULDN'T SOMEBODY
SAY SOMETHING?

HOW 'BOUT "BOMBS AWAY"?

I DON'T THINK I'M UP TO
GIVING A EULOGY.

FAY, IF YOU'LL ALLOW ME--

UH, LOWELL, I--
PLEASE.

TODAY WE SAY GOODBYE
TO A LOVED ONE.

SOMEONE WHO FILLED
OUR LIVES

WITH JOY AND MEANING,
LAUGHTER AND TEARS.

SOMEONE WHO TOUCHED
OUR SOULS
AND MOVED OUR HEARTS.

WE THANK HIM FOR THE TIME
HE SHARED WITH US
HERE ON EARTH.

AND NOW,
SADLY, SEND HIS SPIRIT
TO THE HEAVENS

AND BODY TO THE SEA.

[engines roaring]

BYE, GEORGE.

WELL, LOWELL, I'M IMPRESSED.
THAT WAS REALLY TOUCHING.

YEAH, WELL,

I GUESS, I'VE JUST FLUSHED
ONE TOO MANY TURTLES
IN MY TIME.

I DON'T KNOW,
I GUESS I DID THE RIGHT THING.

YOU DID, FAY.
I KNOW YOU DID.

OH, WELL, THANKS HELEN.

I--I JUST WISH
THERE WERE SOME WAY

I COULD BE SURE
THAT IT WAS OK WITH GEORGE.

UH, BYE-BYE, JENNY.

[speaking Russian]

OH, HI, FAY.

H-HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS?

I'VE HAD BETTER.

WELL, MINE WAS WORSE.

I WAS DOWN
AT THE, UH, BOAT PARADE.

WHEN THE DAMNEDEST THING
HAPPENED.

THE JUDGES WERE, LIKE,
OH, 2 SLIPS AWAY
FROM MY BOAT

WHEN, SUDDENLY,
FROM OUT OF NOWHERE

THIS THING FELL FROM THE SKY,

SMASHED RIGHT THROUGH
MY PROW AND IT SUNK
THE BOAT LIKE A STONE.

THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

THIS ONE FELLOW
SWORE THAT THE THING LOOKED

SOMETHING LIKE A DUSTBUSTER.

I WONDER WHERE SOMETHING
LIKE THAT COULD HAVE
COME FROM?

OH, FRANK,
I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

WELL.

THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR.

THANKS, GEORGE.

AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS
TO YOU, TOO.