Wilfred (2011–2014): Season 4, Episode 1 - Amends - full transcript

Happiness is hard to find.

We gotta try taking risks,

without worrying
about the consequences.

I know

that I was the one
who kissed you, but...

this isn't working.

Your face is the saddle
Jenna's been giddyupping on?

No, no, no, no, no.
It was only one kiss.

Rah!
I'm taking you to get some help.

Bad dog!
You stay away from me!

Whoa!



Dad?

When your dad had me committed,

I know it crushed him.

He was scared

that you would turn out
the same way.

He was actually
trying to help us.

I've been fighting so hard

to save our friendship,

instead of focusing
on the relationship

that actually mattered:

the one with my father.

I'm not well when I'm with you.

Wilfred?

What the hell's going on?



I see you.

Wilfred?

Ryan...

We don't have time.
Come with me.

What?
Now!

Up here.

I don't understand.

What's happening?

It'll all be clear in a moment.

Whoa!

Mmm...

Oh, thank
God you're okay.

What...

what happened?

You don't remember?

We were upstairs

fighting about
you and Jenna kissing.

I shoved you, and you tripped
on a tennis ball

and fell down the stairs.

I fell down the stairs?

Oh, Ryan, I was so scared.

Look, I forgive you
for kissing Jenna, okay?

I'm just glad
you're still alive.

Oh, these?

Yeah, I thought you were dead.

I figured you'd want me to
move on as quickly as possible

and have at your flesh.

This isn't how it happened.

My dad fell down the stairs.

What are you talking about?

My dad

tripped on the tennis ball.

He... he's the
one who fell.

He...

he died.

You must've hit your head
pretty hard, Ryan.

I-I saw you fall,

and I'm pretty sure
your dad's still alive.

I went to his funeral.

Don't believe me?

Ryan?

Ryan?

You're here.

Dad.

Just give me
a chance to explain.

Please don't run
out on me again.

Ryan, I know you don't
believe me about the job,

but these are e-mails
between myself,

Monty Goldsmith, the entire
executive committee,

discussing the decision

to create a new
pro bono division.

I wasn't lying to you, Ryan.

This is real.

Your relationship with
this dog is unhealthy.

And like I've said, if
you don't take this job,

we'll have to consider some
other form of treatment.

But I'm not trying
to manipulate you.

I love you, Ryan.

I only want to help.
Don't listen to him, mate.

He's just trying to get you
back in his clutches.

- I-I know it sounds like I'm
trying to control you. - Come on.

Let's just run away together.
And like I've told you before...

that's partially my fault.
Let's just hit the road. We can be drifters.

Obviously, I have issues of
my own, but I'm working on them.

Grow our hair out, stop bathing
and get a bunch of STDs

and lice.
But that doesn't change the fact that you're

suffering from some sort of mental illness.
I hear Phish are kicking off

their next tour
at an airfield in Vermont.

At the office,

you tried to defend
Wilfred, as if he were

a friend of yours,
an actual person...

Stop it!

You're right.

I'm not well.

What?

Go home, Wilfred.

You're choosing

that sneaky bullshitter over me?

I said, go home.

I'm glad we're getting
a second chance.

I won't make the same
mistakes again.

Me, neither.

Ryan.

Just making sure you're still
watching Wilfred on Saturday.

Drew and I have plans
in the afternoon.

Ryan, I forgive you

for what you said the other day.

Just like I forgave you
for kissing Jenna.

That's two forgives,
if you're counting.

Is something wrong?

Y... actually, I-I think
I may have underestimated

how busy I'm gonna be
at my new job.

I-I don't think I can
look after him anymore.

I'm sorry, Jenna.

Oh. Okay.

I mean, you were
the one who asked for this,

but I guess we can
find someone else.

Okay, I forgive you

for ignoring that last forgive.

That's three forgives now, Ryan.

That's a lot of forgives.

Now, will you please tell Jenna
you can watch me on Saturday?

I forgive you for walking away
and getting in your car.

Four forgives, Ryan!

Okay, you know what?

I'm taking back the second one.

Three forgives now.

You're down
to three forgives, Ryan.

Okay, right there.

Right there.

I forgive you for rolling
through that stop sign.

You're back to four, Ryan!

Four forgives!

And you're not stopping!

You're back down to three again!

We can play this game
all day, Ryan!

This is the deposition
of her son, who claims

that she had at least ten
psychotic episodes in her home.

The judge ruled him
incompetent to testify.

Was there an investigation?

Harris v. Thompson.

Counsel is found

to be constitutionally
ineffective...

For failing to call
an investigator

to testify on
behalf of the child.

Need to take it?

No, I...

It's not important.

I was on my way back
from my 11:00

with the Yonikawa Group,

and look who I ran into
in the elevator.

Sorry I'm late.
The new babysitter showed up,

and surprise, surprise,
she was super fat.

I obviously didn't want
Joffrey bonding

with her and learning
those habits,

so I had to find
another babysitter

at the last minute.

Well, we better head
to the restaurant.

Uh, I need to be downtown
at 2:00,

and I'll be in court
the rest of the day.

Actually, before you go,

would you mind looking over

the Fisher contract revisions?

It'll only take a second.

Genevieve, please print out
the Fisher contract.

Wow.

Look at you in that suit.

You look so handsome.

I'm really glad

you and Dad

finally figured out your issues.

It's like the relationship
we were always supposed to have.

Shit.

I'm gonna call
and move that reservation.

Stop calling me.

I thought I made it pretty clear

that I didn't want to talk
to you anymore.

Ryan, I found something.
An envelope.

An envelope?

No. An envelope.

I've just sent it through;
check your e-mail.

You sent this from my account?

I wish you'd stop using
my e-mail.

Where did this come from?

I posted a photo of the symbol

on Reddit, asking what it meant.

This is what I got back.

No idea who sent it.

I'm not interested.

Are you kidding?

Ryan, we've spent so much time

trying to figure out
what's going on here,

why you see me,
what the symbol means.

This is our chance
to finally get some answers.

I know you don't want anything
to do with me right now,

but come on, this is bigger
than all of that.

I promise I won't get
in your way.

I won't bug you.

Hell, I won't say a word.

It'll be like
I'm not even there.

Yeah!

Oh-ho, yeah!

The boys are back, baby!

Hold on.

I just want to e-mail this out
so Bear can see

I got my old sidekick back.

Stoke the fires of jealousy.

I told you, this
isn't a reunion.

God, I hate lying to my dad.

We're supposed to
be past all that.

Weird.

There's only five
chicken nuggets in here.

Well, if it makes you feel
any better,

I lied to Jenna today, too.

You didn't lie.

You just left.

Yeah, but she thinks
I'm over at Bandit's house,

but here's the thing.

Bandit's owner thinks
he's over at my house.

Listen, this better
not be bullshit.

I'm not bullshitting you, Ryan.

The invitation I got
was very real.

What's up?

When I was passed out at
the bottom of the stairs,

I dreamt that I was cleaning
out my dad's office,

and I found an envelope.

An envelope?

An envelope with a symbol on it.

Whoa. What happened next?

I went to the return address,

and there was this
old statue of you.

Or some sort of dog person.

And then I-I thought
I saw you in the woods,

but it turned out to be
three evil versions of you.

Ryan, you dreamt
about the envelope,

and then it came true.

Don't you see what this means?

It means you're
the magical bean.

This explains everything.

The way I can see and talk
to you like you're a person,

whilst everybody else
just sees you as a carrot.

Forget it.

It also means

your dreams weren't just dreams.

They were premonitions,

and one by one,

just like the envelope,

they'll all come true.

I hope not.

Why not?

Because one of my premonitions
was seeing my dad die.

And my last premonition
was you betraying me.

Does it look anything like the
place you went to in your dream?

Not at all.

The envelope just must've been
a crazy coincidence.

Oh, yeah? Is it a coincidence
that there's a statue

of a dog-faced humanoid
creature over there?

That's a statue
of the Virgin Mary.

Exactly.

And you wonder why Joseph

would never admit he hit that.

It's after 2:00,

and there's nobody here but...

Oh, God.

I'm an idiot.

I can't believe I fell for it.

Fell for what?
Where are you going?

You created that
fake Reddit post

to trick me into
hanging out with you.

No, I didn't. I swear!

Get in the car, Wilfred.
No!

I'm not leaving yet.

I think we should stay
and explore.

Get in the goddamn car.

Wilfred!

Goddamn it!

You don't get back here,
I'm going.

I'm not taking
this shit anymore.

Wilfred, I see you.

Let's go.

I'm right here, mate.

Welcome. You have come here

seeking answers.

Now the darkness
will turn to light.

Finally, the mysteries
that haunted you...

Oh, dude!

Who ripped ass?

Come on, I beefed back there,

like, five minutes ago.

You probably dragged it
in your suit.

Oh, God, it reeks.

You messed everything up.

It's a fart. Grow up.

It doesn't even smell that bad.

- Yeah, it does.
- Okay,

is this a joke or something?

Why did you invite us here?

"Us"?

Me. Why did you invite me here?

And why are you wearing
dog suits?

Well, you were asking
questions about that symbol,

and we thought that you
wanted to participate

in the visitation ritual.

The visitation ritual?

What is that?

It has something to do
with the cult

Derek's grandpa was in
back in the early '80s.

It was called the,
um, the Flock of...

The Flock of the Gray Shepherd.
Yeah.

Uh, my grandpa died last year,

but he used to draw that symbol
and tell us stories

about how he
and the other people in his cult

would dress up in dog costumes
and perform messed-up rituals.

We found some of
his old costumes,

and we've been coming out
here every couple of months

and dressing up and stuff.

Wait, you guys
are wearing clothes?

I thought you said we had
to be naked underneath.

Wait, were you guys
watching me get changed?

Is that the only reason
you invited me?

You guys are gross.

I'm your cousin, Jimmy.

Ask them
about the visitation ritual.

What is the visitation ritual?

Uh, my grandpa said that
if you dress up in the costumes,

then chant and dance
or something,

some sort of half-man,
half-dog god

comes down to visit
the chosen one,

and if it's you, the god
leads you to happiness.

Oh, and the god's name.

Yeah, his name was Mataman.

Mataman.

Matama...

Matt Damon?

The-the god's name
is Matt Damon?

Wow!

That is a crazy coincidence.

Two gods, the same name!

Thanks.

That's insane.

Okay, I can see me sending
the envelope to myself,

but you think I went online
and hired kid actors

and created those costumes and
gave them scripts to perform?

I don't know how you did it,
but you must have somehow.

What about your premonitions?

H-How could I possibly have
known about your premonitions?

I don't know.
I must have mumbled them

when I was passed out
on the stairs.

Or maybe they were premonitions

and this is all real!

I'm not getting
sucked in, Wilfred.

Things are going so well
between my dad and me right now.

Look, if he found out about
our little adventure today,

uh, it would ruin everything.

I'm not lying, and I'm not
trying to ruin anything.

I want answers
just as much as you do.

I have to go back to the office.

I also want my friend back.

Go home, Wilfred.

Hey, Dad.

How'd the hearing go?

Come on, Ryan.

I know you've been lying to me
about Wilfred.

I know you left the office
to be with that dog today.

I...

Ryan,

I saw you in the car
with the dog.

You know I saw you.

God, this is worse
than I thought.

I'm taking you to get some help.

God, this is worse
than I thought.

I'm taking you to get some help.

Stay there.

I'm coming to the office.

Hello?

Dad, it's me.

If you're coming
from the courthouse,

don't go anywhere.
I'm coming to you.

Ryan, I think...

Dad?

Dad?

That's my dad's car.

Where is he?

My God.

No! No, no, no, no, no, no.

Not again! Not again!

I still don't understand

how this statue
is connected to anything.

I mean,

the Noid, yeah,
the guy's dangerous,

but not to us.
It's not like we're pizzas.

I told you, it's
a statue of you.

I'm the Noid?

Well, I guess that makes sense.

I have destroyed
my share of pizzas.

How you holding up, man?

I don't get it.

My dad and I were better
than we'd ever been.

And then,

I lied to him about you,

and he clearly
followed me that day.

Otherwise, how could he
have seen us in the car?

Why were we given
a second chance

if it was always supposed
to end like this?

You know,

back in Wisconsin,

there was a fence post

up the street from Jenna.

Every day,
I'd go up to the post,

chew it, sniff it,
take a leak on it.

I loved that damn post.

But one day, I was licking it,

and it gave me a splinter
in my tongue.

Ah, I just felt so betrayed.

So I just started
walking past it,

just pretending
it wasn't even there.

Then one day, suddenly,

the post was gone.

I felt devastated

and guilty.

I never had a chance
to make amends.

You got that moment, mate.

Maybe you are the god
who leads you to happiness.

I'm sorry about the way
I've been treating you.

It's okay.

Seven forgives.

I mean, as crazy as it is,

the premonitions were real.

Well, except the last one.

You never actually betrayed me.

Ryan, I have a confession
to make.

I did betray you.

When we were driving

to the park, I...

I stole one
of your chicken nuggets.

I forgive you.

Oh, man.

This is gonna take a while.

I have to go
through my dad's e-mails,

get his contacts, let everybody
know what happened.

If you grab some more tape,
I can help with the boxes

while you're doing that.

That'd be great.

Thanks.