Wilfred (2011–2014): Season 2, Episode 5 - Now - full transcript
A traumatic experience creates unexpected consequences for Ryan and Wilfred.
Shit.
What did you do?
What did I do?
You ruined my shoe.
And you just put a
footprint on the Mona Lisa.
Did you see the swirl
on that masterpiece,
the form, the texture, the
taper of the pinch point?
Why do I bother?
You don't know shit.
I'm the one who should be mad.
I have a lot of work to do,
and taking time away
from my desk for these
little walks isn't helping.
Oh, you call this a walk?
You haven't even
asked me about my day
or how much I'm missing Jenna
or what I'm gonna do with my
life now I've finay pulled
the squeaker out of
that sheepskin chew toy.
I'm checking interest rates.
It's been a while
since I've had money
to invest, and I want
to be smart about it.
Yeah, while you're
planning for the future,
you're completely missing
out on the present.
That's why you've been stepping
in shit your whole life.
Things are different now.
I have a job, a girlfriend.
And yet
you still spend all
your time worrying
- about what you don't have.
- Look, it's easy not to worry
when you don't have
any real problems.
Dogs don't have to think
about money or crime
or social injustice.
We don't think
about those things
because our noses keep
us in the present.
We stop and smell the roses,
every goddamn one of them.
Open your nostrils and
smell around you, Ryan.
Dirty diapers,
sour milk puddles,
used tranny ass-condoms.
Dude, we are so lucky
we live in L.A.
We really do have it all.
Have I still got
ants in my teeth?
Who are you talking to?
You know me, Warner,
I'm always interested
in any investment opportunity
you bring my way.
Yeah, okay, sounds good.
All right, I'll see you then.
Hey, Ryan.
Hey, Wilfred.
Hey, Kevin.
Sounded like something
pretty big went down in there.
Sorry about that.
I went to a new Colombian
restaurant last night.
Ooh, Colombian.
I meant on the phone.
Oh, right, duh.
My investment guy is working
on a huge real estate deal.
I'm about to get pizzaid.
Ugh, it's my kid.
I'll see him in the morning.
Whoo, this smells like shit
in here!
Hey, you got some
money laying around?
I could hook you
up with my guy.
Really, you'd do that for me?
I got you this job, didn't I?
I'll hook you up
with an interview.
You don't have
to do that for me.
If you vouch for him, I'm
sure he's fine.
No, no, no, you don't
interview Warner.
Warner interviews you.
He's very picky about the
people he does business with,
but trust me, if you
get in with him...
...You're
gonna be living large.
Give me five.
Oh, ten coming back.
I think I just doubled
your investment.
What, what, what?
So what was that all about?
You thinking about
investing our money?
I thought we were talking
about getting me my own place.
First of all,
it's not our money,
and if, by "your place,"
you mean the doghouse
in the Hammacher Schlemmer
catalog,
that's $9,000.
It's real estate, Ryan.
All that matters is
location, location, location.
I'm thinking Jenna's backyard.
I mean, the schools
are kind of shitty,
but I'm not planning on
having kids anytime soon.
It's like when I'm stalking
a squirrel, all right?
I'm totally in the moment.
I'm not thinking about how
this squirrel is named Craig
and how he's a pretty good guy
and he just came
out to his family
and how happy he is
with nuts in his mouth.
Honestly, I didn't
even mean it like that.
Nice.
Kevin's investment guy wants
to meet for lunch.
You're doing it again, Ryan.
You're not living in the now.
So what?
Why do you suddenly
care so much?
I'm just trying to
get you to savor
what little time you have left.
What are you talking about?
Look, this isn't how I
wanted you to find out.
Find out what?
This isn't an easy
thing to tell you.
Ryan, you're dying.
It's true.
Not long after we
met, you were asleep
and I was carefully placing
my hair in the water glass
on your bedside table
like I always do.
Well, I smelled something.
It's a tumor.
In-in your brain.
- Dogs can't smell tu...
- We can.
You're lying.
Ryan, do you know
what the symptoms
of a brain tumor are?
Anxiety, blackouts.
Hallucinations.
Any of that sound familiar?
But if that's true...
that means that everything...
Jesus, Wilfred.
What are you doing?
I can't bear
to see you suffer, mate.
I promised myself I'd do
the same thing you'd do for me.
What any friend would do.
I'm... I'm putting you down.
No, this is one
of your little head games.
That-that gun's not... shit!
No, no. No, no,
don't... don't do this.
I'm begging you.
See you on the
rainbow bridge, Ryan.
Oh, please, please, God, no!
Gotcha.
"Gotcha"?
"Gotcha"?
Can't risk the window thing
leading back to me.
Already got a couple of priors.
What the hell is going on?
Ryan, did you feel that?
Exhilarating!
That's living in the moment!
Wouldn't you like to feel
that way all the time?
You're an asshole.
Give me your wallet, bitch.
Oh. Oh, I get it.
This is... this is part
of your little lesson, too?
Hey, who's he talking to?
Ryan, I swear,
I don't know them.
Shut this dog up or I will.
Come on.
This is all your fault.
How come, every time
I follow you somewhere,
- I lose my wallet?
- Stop yelling at me!
I just had a gun
jammed in my face,
you insensitive prick!
Have you any idea how
terrifying that is?
Oh, I am so done with you.
Ryan, Ryan, something's wrong.
I can't...
I can't smell anything.
Maybe I'm just...
Maybe I just need
something stronger.
Nothing.
Can you smell them?
Jesus, what the hell??
Nothing.
No infection.
No obstruction.
So he's faking it.
You mean, is it mental?
Well, dogs can lose their
sense of smell from stress.
Has, uh, Wilfred been in any
stressful situation recently?
Oh, you mean like getting
nostril-raped by a Glock 17?
Not that I can think of.
Listen, keep a close eye on him.
Dogs really rely
on their sense of smell.
Without it, he can get confused
or maybe even lost.
I can't believe
this is happening.
I mean, I've heard of
trauma causing blindness,
like when Stevie Wonder
and Ray Charles
walked in on each other
masturbating.
Well, it serves you right
for that stunt you pulled.
Ryan, you don't understand.
Now that I can't smell,
it's like my brain
has nothing to do.
It's like time
has slowed to a crawl
and my head
is full of these... things.
They're-they're like voices,
constantly questioning
and analyzing.
Those are thoughts, Wilfred.
Thoughts?
You know what you need?
An activity to keep
your mind busy.
Read a book or something.
A book?
Yeah, right.
Maybe if it had pictures.
That moved.
And sound.
And Matt Damon in it.
And in the middle of the movie,
Matt Damon would be like...
Now, there's a book
I'd like to read.
O... kay.
Where were we?
I was just saying,
uh, how Ryan here
is the top dog
of our legal department.
Well, it's-it's easy
to be top dog
when you're the only one
in the department.
Wait, that's not the same UPS
guy that comes to my house.
Wait, so... so there's
more than one UPS guy.
Of course!
It's all so clear to me now.
The uniform changes guys.
O... kay.
Where were we?
I was just saying that
I'm not only the top dog,
but I'm also the bottom dog.
Don't be modest.
It's a weak trait.
Oh, I just meant I'm the...
only one in the department.
So, when
Jenna leaves the house
and I can't see her anymore,
she doesn't cease to exist.
She's just somewhere else?
No, no, no, no,
that's just crazy.
O... kay.
Well, it was nice meeting
you, Kevin's friend.
Uh, uh, Warner, um...
Don't know if you
know this or not,
but Ryan here
is Hank Newman's son.
Oh, is that so?
That's true, but I don't want to
ride on my father's coattails.
Don't apologize for nepotism.
So, Hank's son,
here's the deal...
A half a million square feet
of luxury commercial
space downtown.
Right now, it's just
abandoned buildings
and unused land.
But when it's done,
it will be the place
to buy $16...
Sixteen...
Uh-uh, shh.
Lattes.
So, look over this prospectus.
I'll let you know
if I'm interested.
Ryan, I'm starving.
This thinking is a lot of work.
Can we please stop
somewhere on the way home?
There's seriously... There's
nothing to eat around here.
Guess what.
Warner just called.
He wants to meet me
at the development site.
Kevin says, if this
goes well, I should...
Did you just read
that whole book?
I read all of these books.
What's wrong?
What's wrong?
Where should I start?
Uh, why is there so much
injustice in the world?
Why do some have so much
while so many have so little?
Why are children in Compton
getting fatter and fatter
whilst children in Beverly Hills
are starving
themselves to death?
Why, Ryan? Why?
Uh...
Jesus, put down the bong
and pick up a book.
"Critique of Pure Reason"
by Immanuel Kant.
Ever heard of this Kant?
I love Kant.
Oh, existential
German philosophy
is funny to you.
Wipe that smirk off your face
and listen to this Kant.
"It is not the consequences
of the action
"which make it right or wrong,
but the motivation of the
individual performing the act."
What do you suppose that means?
I don't know.
Uh, you should never
knowingly do bad to others.
Yes. And would that be an ethos
with which you find
not incompatible
with your own beliefs?
I'm-I'm not sure
what you're asking.
Because the most
enlightening thing
I read today
was this prospectus.
That new mall you're
so determined to invest in?
It will mean the destruction
of an important
public works program.
What's the big deal?
This place is a dump.
This park keeps inner-city
dogs off the streets.
They rely on this park
for the programs and
services it offers,
- like free water from the OWBP.
- The what?
The open water bowl project.
Most of these dogs
come from broken homes
with broken fences.
If you're party to the
destruction of this park,
then you're no
better than them.
We'll talk about this later.
Open your eyes, Ryan!
Together, we can make
a difference.
- Sorry I'm late.
- Hey, Ryan.
Don't ever apologize
for being late.
It makes you sound
poor, all right?
It's my kid.
Doesn't he have any friends?
Hear our bark!
Save this park!
Hear our bark!
Save this park!
Excuse me for one second.
Hear our bark!
Save this park!
Hear our bark!
Save this park!
Oh, hi, Ryan.
How did you get
the car doors unlocked?
I read the manual.
Excuse me, sir.
Do you have 30 seconds
to help save the world?
Have a nice day.
Hope your children enjoy
the wasteland
you're leaving them.
Wilfred, get back in the car
before you blow
this deal for me.
Look, I'm sorry,
but I can't ignore
what's right in front of me.
Hear our bark!
Save this park!
Hear our bark!
Save this park!
Everything okay, Ryan?
Here they are,
the one-percent
here to profit
off the k-99%!
Let's get 'em, boys!
Sorry, my dog got out
of the car.
You hear that?
I will not be contained,
corporate pigs!
All right, brass tacks.
Minimum buy-in's $10,000.
Wait. So, does that mean...?
Yeah. You're in!
I need an answer now.
- We're signing the deal tomorrow.
- Here's your answer.
Whoa! Hey, hey,
Ryan, your dog!
- Wilfred!
- In my mouth.
What the hell are you thinking?
What are you thinking?
You're putting these dogs
out on the street.
Look, I know you're
looking for something to do
now that you've lost
your sense of smell...
What I've lost
in my sense of smell,
I've gained
in my sense of humanity.
And now I'm appealing to yours.
I'm trying to do
the right thing here,
but I can't do it alone.
Wilfred, I'm trying
to be responsible
and plan for my future.
To hell with the future!
I need you right now!
Ryan, I really care about this.
I need you to care, too.
The only thing I'm signing
is that investment
agreement tomorrow.
Ryan...
Ryan!
Ryan.
What are you doing down here
in the dark?
There's darkness
everywhere, Ryan.
You just can't see it
because the sun
is such an attention whore.
Jesus!
What is the matter with you?
Are you still mad
because I didn't sign
your little petition?
- Get over it.
- Why would I be mad?
Uncaring, unfeeling.
Seven billion narcissists
all alone together
on a big, dead rock.
What's the point of anything?
Life reeks of hopelessness.
I'm just glad I can't
smell it anymore.
Camus, Sylvia Plath,
Marley and Me.
Maybe you should stop reading.
Do you know what
I dreamt last night?
Nothing.
I have to meet Warner
in an hour.
Have you seen my checkbook?
I can't find it anywhere.
So nice to see you so
concerned about something.
Look, when we get back,
maybe we can go for a walk.
A walk.
Such a futile exercise.
Let's go for... hang on.
Let's go for a walk
around the block.
Around and around and
around in circles
on a meaningless journey to...
- Are you done?
- Yes.
Let's go.
I don't want to be late.
I'm not going anywhere.
Fine. Then don't come.
So you're
just gonna leave me alone?
Remember what the doctor said?
I don't think you'll get lost
in the basement.
I'm already lost, Ryan.
Man, I love jalapenos.
I swear, these things are gonna
be my downfall.
What's up with you and Amanda?
You guys a thing?
Yeah. I mean, we're dating.
She looks hot in that lab coat.
Bet she likes to shoop!
When do you think
Warner will get here
- with the papers?
- I'd get comfortable.
Warner's gonna join us
whenever he feels like it.
That's one of the things
about being rich.
You get to treat
everybody else like shit.
I can't wait.
Oh, no, no!
My God!
My kid just got a piercing.
Look at that.
What is that, his chin?
It's his scrotum.
- Oh!
- God. He did it to himself.
Butchered it, too.
He's on the way
to the hospital.
What do you want me
to tell Warner?
What do you mean?
Don't you have to get
to the hospital?
Yeah, right.
And then Warner finds out
that I left? Game over.
So I didn't go to your
little rock opera
that you wrote for school.
Get over it!
K.J., what have you done
to your beautiful
little scrotum?
Excuse me.
Can you give me a minute?
This is Wilfred.
Please leave a... whatever.
If this is Ryan, good-bye.
And if this is Bear,
I'll see you in hell!
Tell Warner I'm sorry.
What? Where are you going?
Hey, you're not going to get
a second chance at this, Ryan.
I can't think
about the future right now.
Ryan!
Wilfred?
Wilfred!
You're okay.
Hello, Ryan.
What the hell was that
voice mail greileting?
I miss smelling things, Ryan.
I'm tired of thinking.
I'm like a lost puppy
wandering through
the wilderness,
desperately trying
to find my way home.
And then I realize
I have no home.
Wilfred, you have a home.
Is this about that doghouse?
That's why you made me
blow that deal...
so I'd get you that
$9,000 doghouse?
It's not about the doghouse.
I was trying to buy myself
a little peace of mind.
Well, guess what.
Your little plan's
not gonna work.
And you can drop the
whole emo act.
You look ridiculous.
And why are you wearing
that leash?
You hate leash...
No, no, no, no, no, no!
No! No-no-no-no-no-no!
No, no!
Not again!
I can't lose you again!
I'm sorry!
I wasn't paying attention.
I lost track
of what's really important,
what's right in front of me.
Right here, right now!
Wilfred, you're alive.
Guess I am.
By the way,
your breath smells disgusting.
Come to papa.
Hey, you got your smell back.
I do.
Wilfred, you're my best friend.
If you want your own doghouse,
we'll get you one.
I just can't spend $9,000.
I understand.
I love you, Wilfred.
Stingy prick.
What?
I said I love you, too.
You know, all this time
you've been neglecting me,
I guess I've kind of
been neglecting Bear.
I'm just gonna go see
how Bear's doing.
Oh, God!
Bear!
Oh, Bear, I'm sorry!
I lost sight of what's
really important,
what's right in front of me!
Right here, right now!
Oh, Bear!
What did you do?
What did I do?
You ruined my shoe.
And you just put a
footprint on the Mona Lisa.
Did you see the swirl
on that masterpiece,
the form, the texture, the
taper of the pinch point?
Why do I bother?
You don't know shit.
I'm the one who should be mad.
I have a lot of work to do,
and taking time away
from my desk for these
little walks isn't helping.
Oh, you call this a walk?
You haven't even
asked me about my day
or how much I'm missing Jenna
or what I'm gonna do with my
life now I've finay pulled
the squeaker out of
that sheepskin chew toy.
I'm checking interest rates.
It's been a while
since I've had money
to invest, and I want
to be smart about it.
Yeah, while you're
planning for the future,
you're completely missing
out on the present.
That's why you've been stepping
in shit your whole life.
Things are different now.
I have a job, a girlfriend.
And yet
you still spend all
your time worrying
- about what you don't have.
- Look, it's easy not to worry
when you don't have
any real problems.
Dogs don't have to think
about money or crime
or social injustice.
We don't think
about those things
because our noses keep
us in the present.
We stop and smell the roses,
every goddamn one of them.
Open your nostrils and
smell around you, Ryan.
Dirty diapers,
sour milk puddles,
used tranny ass-condoms.
Dude, we are so lucky
we live in L.A.
We really do have it all.
Have I still got
ants in my teeth?
Who are you talking to?
You know me, Warner,
I'm always interested
in any investment opportunity
you bring my way.
Yeah, okay, sounds good.
All right, I'll see you then.
Hey, Ryan.
Hey, Wilfred.
Hey, Kevin.
Sounded like something
pretty big went down in there.
Sorry about that.
I went to a new Colombian
restaurant last night.
Ooh, Colombian.
I meant on the phone.
Oh, right, duh.
My investment guy is working
on a huge real estate deal.
I'm about to get pizzaid.
Ugh, it's my kid.
I'll see him in the morning.
Whoo, this smells like shit
in here!
Hey, you got some
money laying around?
I could hook you
up with my guy.
Really, you'd do that for me?
I got you this job, didn't I?
I'll hook you up
with an interview.
You don't have
to do that for me.
If you vouch for him, I'm
sure he's fine.
No, no, no, you don't
interview Warner.
Warner interviews you.
He's very picky about the
people he does business with,
but trust me, if you
get in with him...
...You're
gonna be living large.
Give me five.
Oh, ten coming back.
I think I just doubled
your investment.
What, what, what?
So what was that all about?
You thinking about
investing our money?
I thought we were talking
about getting me my own place.
First of all,
it's not our money,
and if, by "your place,"
you mean the doghouse
in the Hammacher Schlemmer
catalog,
that's $9,000.
It's real estate, Ryan.
All that matters is
location, location, location.
I'm thinking Jenna's backyard.
I mean, the schools
are kind of shitty,
but I'm not planning on
having kids anytime soon.
It's like when I'm stalking
a squirrel, all right?
I'm totally in the moment.
I'm not thinking about how
this squirrel is named Craig
and how he's a pretty good guy
and he just came
out to his family
and how happy he is
with nuts in his mouth.
Honestly, I didn't
even mean it like that.
Nice.
Kevin's investment guy wants
to meet for lunch.
You're doing it again, Ryan.
You're not living in the now.
So what?
Why do you suddenly
care so much?
I'm just trying to
get you to savor
what little time you have left.
What are you talking about?
Look, this isn't how I
wanted you to find out.
Find out what?
This isn't an easy
thing to tell you.
Ryan, you're dying.
It's true.
Not long after we
met, you were asleep
and I was carefully placing
my hair in the water glass
on your bedside table
like I always do.
Well, I smelled something.
It's a tumor.
In-in your brain.
- Dogs can't smell tu...
- We can.
You're lying.
Ryan, do you know
what the symptoms
of a brain tumor are?
Anxiety, blackouts.
Hallucinations.
Any of that sound familiar?
But if that's true...
that means that everything...
Jesus, Wilfred.
What are you doing?
I can't bear
to see you suffer, mate.
I promised myself I'd do
the same thing you'd do for me.
What any friend would do.
I'm... I'm putting you down.
No, this is one
of your little head games.
That-that gun's not... shit!
No, no. No, no,
don't... don't do this.
I'm begging you.
See you on the
rainbow bridge, Ryan.
Oh, please, please, God, no!
Gotcha.
"Gotcha"?
"Gotcha"?
Can't risk the window thing
leading back to me.
Already got a couple of priors.
What the hell is going on?
Ryan, did you feel that?
Exhilarating!
That's living in the moment!
Wouldn't you like to feel
that way all the time?
You're an asshole.
Give me your wallet, bitch.
Oh. Oh, I get it.
This is... this is part
of your little lesson, too?
Hey, who's he talking to?
Ryan, I swear,
I don't know them.
Shut this dog up or I will.
Come on.
This is all your fault.
How come, every time
I follow you somewhere,
- I lose my wallet?
- Stop yelling at me!
I just had a gun
jammed in my face,
you insensitive prick!
Have you any idea how
terrifying that is?
Oh, I am so done with you.
Ryan, Ryan, something's wrong.
I can't...
I can't smell anything.
Maybe I'm just...
Maybe I just need
something stronger.
Nothing.
Can you smell them?
Jesus, what the hell??
Nothing.
No infection.
No obstruction.
So he's faking it.
You mean, is it mental?
Well, dogs can lose their
sense of smell from stress.
Has, uh, Wilfred been in any
stressful situation recently?
Oh, you mean like getting
nostril-raped by a Glock 17?
Not that I can think of.
Listen, keep a close eye on him.
Dogs really rely
on their sense of smell.
Without it, he can get confused
or maybe even lost.
I can't believe
this is happening.
I mean, I've heard of
trauma causing blindness,
like when Stevie Wonder
and Ray Charles
walked in on each other
masturbating.
Well, it serves you right
for that stunt you pulled.
Ryan, you don't understand.
Now that I can't smell,
it's like my brain
has nothing to do.
It's like time
has slowed to a crawl
and my head
is full of these... things.
They're-they're like voices,
constantly questioning
and analyzing.
Those are thoughts, Wilfred.
Thoughts?
You know what you need?
An activity to keep
your mind busy.
Read a book or something.
A book?
Yeah, right.
Maybe if it had pictures.
That moved.
And sound.
And Matt Damon in it.
And in the middle of the movie,
Matt Damon would be like...
Now, there's a book
I'd like to read.
O... kay.
Where were we?
I was just saying,
uh, how Ryan here
is the top dog
of our legal department.
Well, it's-it's easy
to be top dog
when you're the only one
in the department.
Wait, that's not the same UPS
guy that comes to my house.
Wait, so... so there's
more than one UPS guy.
Of course!
It's all so clear to me now.
The uniform changes guys.
O... kay.
Where were we?
I was just saying that
I'm not only the top dog,
but I'm also the bottom dog.
Don't be modest.
It's a weak trait.
Oh, I just meant I'm the...
only one in the department.
So, when
Jenna leaves the house
and I can't see her anymore,
she doesn't cease to exist.
She's just somewhere else?
No, no, no, no,
that's just crazy.
O... kay.
Well, it was nice meeting
you, Kevin's friend.
Uh, uh, Warner, um...
Don't know if you
know this or not,
but Ryan here
is Hank Newman's son.
Oh, is that so?
That's true, but I don't want to
ride on my father's coattails.
Don't apologize for nepotism.
So, Hank's son,
here's the deal...
A half a million square feet
of luxury commercial
space downtown.
Right now, it's just
abandoned buildings
and unused land.
But when it's done,
it will be the place
to buy $16...
Sixteen...
Uh-uh, shh.
Lattes.
So, look over this prospectus.
I'll let you know
if I'm interested.
Ryan, I'm starving.
This thinking is a lot of work.
Can we please stop
somewhere on the way home?
There's seriously... There's
nothing to eat around here.
Guess what.
Warner just called.
He wants to meet me
at the development site.
Kevin says, if this
goes well, I should...
Did you just read
that whole book?
I read all of these books.
What's wrong?
What's wrong?
Where should I start?
Uh, why is there so much
injustice in the world?
Why do some have so much
while so many have so little?
Why are children in Compton
getting fatter and fatter
whilst children in Beverly Hills
are starving
themselves to death?
Why, Ryan? Why?
Uh...
Jesus, put down the bong
and pick up a book.
"Critique of Pure Reason"
by Immanuel Kant.
Ever heard of this Kant?
I love Kant.
Oh, existential
German philosophy
is funny to you.
Wipe that smirk off your face
and listen to this Kant.
"It is not the consequences
of the action
"which make it right or wrong,
but the motivation of the
individual performing the act."
What do you suppose that means?
I don't know.
Uh, you should never
knowingly do bad to others.
Yes. And would that be an ethos
with which you find
not incompatible
with your own beliefs?
I'm-I'm not sure
what you're asking.
Because the most
enlightening thing
I read today
was this prospectus.
That new mall you're
so determined to invest in?
It will mean the destruction
of an important
public works program.
What's the big deal?
This place is a dump.
This park keeps inner-city
dogs off the streets.
They rely on this park
for the programs and
services it offers,
- like free water from the OWBP.
- The what?
The open water bowl project.
Most of these dogs
come from broken homes
with broken fences.
If you're party to the
destruction of this park,
then you're no
better than them.
We'll talk about this later.
Open your eyes, Ryan!
Together, we can make
a difference.
- Sorry I'm late.
- Hey, Ryan.
Don't ever apologize
for being late.
It makes you sound
poor, all right?
It's my kid.
Doesn't he have any friends?
Hear our bark!
Save this park!
Hear our bark!
Save this park!
Excuse me for one second.
Hear our bark!
Save this park!
Hear our bark!
Save this park!
Oh, hi, Ryan.
How did you get
the car doors unlocked?
I read the manual.
Excuse me, sir.
Do you have 30 seconds
to help save the world?
Have a nice day.
Hope your children enjoy
the wasteland
you're leaving them.
Wilfred, get back in the car
before you blow
this deal for me.
Look, I'm sorry,
but I can't ignore
what's right in front of me.
Hear our bark!
Save this park!
Hear our bark!
Save this park!
Everything okay, Ryan?
Here they are,
the one-percent
here to profit
off the k-99%!
Let's get 'em, boys!
Sorry, my dog got out
of the car.
You hear that?
I will not be contained,
corporate pigs!
All right, brass tacks.
Minimum buy-in's $10,000.
Wait. So, does that mean...?
Yeah. You're in!
I need an answer now.
- We're signing the deal tomorrow.
- Here's your answer.
Whoa! Hey, hey,
Ryan, your dog!
- Wilfred!
- In my mouth.
What the hell are you thinking?
What are you thinking?
You're putting these dogs
out on the street.
Look, I know you're
looking for something to do
now that you've lost
your sense of smell...
What I've lost
in my sense of smell,
I've gained
in my sense of humanity.
And now I'm appealing to yours.
I'm trying to do
the right thing here,
but I can't do it alone.
Wilfred, I'm trying
to be responsible
and plan for my future.
To hell with the future!
I need you right now!
Ryan, I really care about this.
I need you to care, too.
The only thing I'm signing
is that investment
agreement tomorrow.
Ryan...
Ryan!
Ryan.
What are you doing down here
in the dark?
There's darkness
everywhere, Ryan.
You just can't see it
because the sun
is such an attention whore.
Jesus!
What is the matter with you?
Are you still mad
because I didn't sign
your little petition?
- Get over it.
- Why would I be mad?
Uncaring, unfeeling.
Seven billion narcissists
all alone together
on a big, dead rock.
What's the point of anything?
Life reeks of hopelessness.
I'm just glad I can't
smell it anymore.
Camus, Sylvia Plath,
Marley and Me.
Maybe you should stop reading.
Do you know what
I dreamt last night?
Nothing.
I have to meet Warner
in an hour.
Have you seen my checkbook?
I can't find it anywhere.
So nice to see you so
concerned about something.
Look, when we get back,
maybe we can go for a walk.
A walk.
Such a futile exercise.
Let's go for... hang on.
Let's go for a walk
around the block.
Around and around and
around in circles
on a meaningless journey to...
- Are you done?
- Yes.
Let's go.
I don't want to be late.
I'm not going anywhere.
Fine. Then don't come.
So you're
just gonna leave me alone?
Remember what the doctor said?
I don't think you'll get lost
in the basement.
I'm already lost, Ryan.
Man, I love jalapenos.
I swear, these things are gonna
be my downfall.
What's up with you and Amanda?
You guys a thing?
Yeah. I mean, we're dating.
She looks hot in that lab coat.
Bet she likes to shoop!
When do you think
Warner will get here
- with the papers?
- I'd get comfortable.
Warner's gonna join us
whenever he feels like it.
That's one of the things
about being rich.
You get to treat
everybody else like shit.
I can't wait.
Oh, no, no!
My God!
My kid just got a piercing.
Look at that.
What is that, his chin?
It's his scrotum.
- Oh!
- God. He did it to himself.
Butchered it, too.
He's on the way
to the hospital.
What do you want me
to tell Warner?
What do you mean?
Don't you have to get
to the hospital?
Yeah, right.
And then Warner finds out
that I left? Game over.
So I didn't go to your
little rock opera
that you wrote for school.
Get over it!
K.J., what have you done
to your beautiful
little scrotum?
Excuse me.
Can you give me a minute?
This is Wilfred.
Please leave a... whatever.
If this is Ryan, good-bye.
And if this is Bear,
I'll see you in hell!
Tell Warner I'm sorry.
What? Where are you going?
Hey, you're not going to get
a second chance at this, Ryan.
I can't think
about the future right now.
Ryan!
Wilfred?
Wilfred!
You're okay.
Hello, Ryan.
What the hell was that
voice mail greileting?
I miss smelling things, Ryan.
I'm tired of thinking.
I'm like a lost puppy
wandering through
the wilderness,
desperately trying
to find my way home.
And then I realize
I have no home.
Wilfred, you have a home.
Is this about that doghouse?
That's why you made me
blow that deal...
so I'd get you that
$9,000 doghouse?
It's not about the doghouse.
I was trying to buy myself
a little peace of mind.
Well, guess what.
Your little plan's
not gonna work.
And you can drop the
whole emo act.
You look ridiculous.
And why are you wearing
that leash?
You hate leash...
No, no, no, no, no, no!
No! No-no-no-no-no-no!
No, no!
Not again!
I can't lose you again!
I'm sorry!
I wasn't paying attention.
I lost track
of what's really important,
what's right in front of me.
Right here, right now!
Wilfred, you're alive.
Guess I am.
By the way,
your breath smells disgusting.
Come to papa.
Hey, you got your smell back.
I do.
Wilfred, you're my best friend.
If you want your own doghouse,
we'll get you one.
I just can't spend $9,000.
I understand.
I love you, Wilfred.
Stingy prick.
What?
I said I love you, too.
You know, all this time
you've been neglecting me,
I guess I've kind of
been neglecting Bear.
I'm just gonna go see
how Bear's doing.
Oh, God!
Bear!
Oh, Bear, I'm sorry!
I lost sight of what's
really important,
what's right in front of me!
Right here, right now!
Oh, Bear!