Where the Bears Are (2012–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Leather Bears - full transcript

I look ridiculous!

No, baby. You look fucking hot.

And this gay rooster rubber queen thing is not happening!

Fine! If you don't want to fit in. Well, I look fantastic in mine!

Thank you Wood for getting these costumes from Mistress Lena.

You're welcome. But I never want to see a power tool ever again!

Okay guys. The three of us will fan out and see if we can find him.

Got it.

What about me? What do I do?

You're hot. You're the best chance we have of getting a free round of drinks.

Okay. Go.



Hey there. I was hoping to run into you. Kevin, right?

Jeremy. So close.

I didn't get a chance to give you my phone number at the pool party.

Well, I was a little distracted you know.

Getting hauled off for questioning in another murder investigation.

It's really starting to become a habit.

I was wondering if you would be interested in going out.

Yes! Absolutely!

You know what? We could go around the corner to the Mobil Station in the back.

Nobody will ever see us there. I meant on a date.

Oh. Well, there's a kabob cart out front

if you want to get something to eat first.

You know, you're a good guy. I like you Reggie.

I just don't think we should rush into anything.



I kind of want it to be special.

Yeah. Listen, I'm a little busy right now but definitely call me.

Wait. I didn't give you my... number.

Hello. Who's hand is that?

Two weeks ago you wanted me to frisk you.

It turned into a hot game of reach around.

Detective Winters!

Seriously? I've sucked your dick. It's Chad.

You big furball. You make my dick so hard.

Here you go partner.

Wood! I didn't know you came to leather night.

I do.

So you guys are sharing a beer after work?

I don't feel awkward at all. Can I have a beer?

Any luck? No. And I'm chafing.

Hey, who was that guy? He was cute.

Jeffrey? No wait. Jimmy? Who cares? He's one of those.

One of what?

You know. One of those mushy, annoying

I don't want to have sex until the third date kind of guys.

Please. He's practically a lesbian. Who's got time for that? Moving on.

Why are you so turned off by anyone who wants more than sex?

Nelson, can we skip the whole Reggie, you're so shallow speech, please?

We're here on a mission.

Okay, fine. I won't say anymore.

Besides, he works for a non profit and we both know what that means.

What?

We go on a romantic weekend getaway we're flying coach.

Hey! That's him! Mo Kapoor! Come on.

What do you two want?

We want to ask you a few questions about your relationship with Elliot Butler.

I want a blow job from the hairy hunk manning the door

but we don't always get what we want, do we? Now move!

We're not going anywhere.

Oh, I think you are. Meet my friends, Bert and Ernie.

The name thing? It's just a coincidence really.

They met last week at a circle jerk.

Move. Be gentle boys.

We were just leaving.

You guys got a problem?

No, small fry. You have the problem.

Get the fuck out of here.

Okay, that was really...

Brave? No. Scary.

Don't get me wrong Todd. I appreciate you swooping in and rescuing us but...

But what?

I hate to mention it after all this time but

do you remember when we were in Palm Springs

and I thought you were a killer

and I bashed you over the head with my laptop?

It's kind of hard to forget.

In fact, the doctor says I may have short term memory loss cause of that.

Well, during our argument you said something about two aggravated assault charges

and I was wondering maybe after all this time you might want to elaborate on all that?

I would rather just leave it in the past where it belongs if you don't mind.

And I totally respect your wishes. I do.

But you're going to ask anyway. Yeah.

All right. I grew up in South Phillie. .

I had uncles in the family. I was in a gang.

And things happened. I know what the inside of jail cell looks like.

I'm not proud of that. But it's behind me now and I've moved on.

You were in a gang?

So what? Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were in a Boston gang

and now they're both Academy Award winners.

Well, I actually do get it. I was in a gang too in high school.

Please. West Side Story doesn't count. Sharks or the Jets?

Jets. I knew it.

Are you satisfied? Are you still freaked out?

No. I'm not freaked out. Really. I'm fine.

I'm going to use the bathroom if you don't mind.

I'm freaked out.

Oh God! Here he comes again. You deal with him.

What? What do you want me to say to him?

Hey there.

Hey. I got a drink for your friend Reggie. Is he coming back?

Probably not. But you know what? I'm not going to let this go to waste.

I saw your boyfriend come to your aid just now.

Oh you mean Jason Bourne?

That's what I want. Someone to watch out for me.

Look, you seem like a really sweet guy.

He may come around. He just needs a little time.

But don't put a timetable on it.

Because he's kind of a whore.