Where the Bears Are (2012–…): Season 2, Episode 22 - Bears in the Woods: Part 1 - full transcript

Hey everybody, before you watch episode 22.

I'm going to show you a sneak peek of something that's on our Where the Bears Are Season 2 DVD.

Take a look.

Scene 104.1. Take 1. That should be on.

Howie, you're going to step in.

Not a fucking word. I'll slit your throat.

The police are looking for you. In fact, they're probably in Wood's room as we speak.

Shut up, you fat fuck. I can't believe you. You ruined my life.

You ruined your own life! Yeah. Killing your ex Elliot? I found your gun in your office.

That's bullshit. You planted it there.

Don't make things worse, Ivan. Put down the knife. No!



Why would Todd want to be with you?

wouldn't he want to be with me? Put down the knife!

No! How come nobody fucking loves me?

Great. That's pretty cool, right?

Our Season 2 DVD is chalk full of extras including an uncensored feature length version of our movie

and when we say uncensored it means you get to see some ass.

And there's some pretty fine ass on this DVD.

It also has an all new 20 minute Thanksgiving special.

You know how we did a Christmas special on the first DVD?

This one's a Thanksgiving special. I don't know if you're noticing a pattern forming.

It also features fan favorite Honey Garrett who is coming back for that episode which is really cool.

We also have a very special half hour Wood's web cam episode that chronicles

our trip to the Mediterranean that was sponsored by Cruise4Bears.

We had a blast on that trip and there's some really funny stuff.



It also has a Soak 'Ems commercial that Nelson does wearing the diaper.

It's stupid. It's funny!

Yeah. You'll like it.

There are also new, never before seen bloopers, outtakes, deleted scenes.

A lot of deleted scenes. We shot so much this season and couldn't put it all in the show.

We also have commentary where we sit around and we drink a lot of beers and

have some pizza and just dish about what happened during the shoot. That's pretty cool.

We have a car passing by so the sound is going to probably be a little bad here. I want to move forward.

So help us recoup the cost of season 2 and hopefully start raising money for season 3.

Because it's only with your help that we can do the show. We are completely self-financed

and it's up to you guys and us to make sure we can keep this thing going.

So go to our online store wherethebearsare.tv and pre-order your DVD today.

So you get it way before Thanksgiving.

And you can watch the Thanksgiving episode at home while you're having Thanksgiving dinner.

And if you order both DVDs of season 1 and season 2 at the same time you save 5 bucks.

That's pretty cool. But here's the biggest thing.

There is a pretty significant plot twist in this episode

and I think it would be pretty cool if no one gave it away to anyone

so please don't ruin it for anybody else.

Don't post about it or comment on it on Facebook.

Let everybody have the same discovery that you guys do.

I hope you like this episode. It was really fun shooting. Take care.

We are not a couple, Cyril! We never will be!

I knew this was going to be a messy breakup.

Jeremy!

What the fuck?

Who the hell is that?

His name is Cyril. It's a long story. You wouldn't believe me even if I told you.

Oh my god if you hadn't come along...

You okay?

Nelson can rest easy now that Cyril is back behind bars for good. We all can.

Should I be nervous about dating you? .

I mean this whole murder thing seems to be a pattern with you guys.

Well, hopefully that's the last of it.

This is nice. I'm glad the guys let us have the place for a couple of hours.

Jeremy, I want to apologize for judging you at first.

I don't care about what you do or how much money you make.

I care about you.

And I'm starting to develop some really deep feelings for you.

(phone rings)

(phone rings)

Seriously? I better get that.

Hello? Detective Winters, please.

I'm sorry. He's not in. May I take a message?

Yeah. He left me this number to call if I had some information for him.

I was finally able to track that gas receipt from that station at Beachwood and Franklin.

It doesn't matter anymore. We have a copy of the receipt.

Jeremy Richards' card was used on that date

but the surveillance video shows that it was a woman who came in and made the transaction.

I'm sorry. Did you say a woman?

Yes. It may have been Jeremy's card but it definitely wasn't him.

Are you saying Jeremy Richards never was at that gas station?

Doesn't look like it.

You know I was really starting to care about you.

That's why I didn't kill you when I had the chance but now I guess I'm going to have to.

Oh my god! I totally forgot about the gas station security cameras.

I thought my receipt was going to be enough of an alibi.

My bad!

So who's the girl? She in on it with you?

She's just a neighbor I had to me to and from the pool party.

I told her I wanted to be able to drink and not have to drive.

So she used your credit card to fill up your gas tank?

Very good, Jessica Fletcher.

And then I went in and put a big fucking bullet right in your friend Elliot's chest.

And she came and picked me up a few minutes later.

Having no idea you're a murderer!

Why? Why did you do it, Jeremy?

Oh, you still don't remember me, do you?

I'm Dumbo.

I don't know why I would expect you to remember me.

Elliot and your bitchy fraternity brothers, they didn't remember me either!

At least not at first.

Dumbo...

Is it starting to come back to you?

Hey, guys. I'm here. Sorry.

So we have to narrow down the list of possible pledges for rush week.

What about Jeremy Richards?

You mean Dumbo? Oh my god! Did you see his ears?

No shit! I wonder if he has bionic hearing.

When I interviewed him. I asked him if I could tell him this funny story about this chick I'm banging.

And guess what he said? I'm all ears!

And he is! So we should blackball Dumbo.

Oh my god! Blackball him? Absolutely! Listen up!

Dumbo is blackballed! Hear this! You're done!

Dumbo.. Dumbo... Dumbo...

You went through fraternity rush. We blackballed you.

I was eavesdropping outside the fraternity house window

and I heard every mean word you people said about me.

The nickname Dumbo?

How clever, Reggie? You think I never heard that one before?

Jeremy, I'm sorry...

Save it! Yeah, so I had insanely large ears! So what?

But thanks to my cousin, esteemed plastic surgeon Dr. Ronnie Berkowitz of Boca Raton

I had the world's first ear reduction surgery.

And you look amazing! I was shallow back then.

I was young and I was stupid. I'm not that way now!

Really? Really? Really? Please!

You still judge me!

I threw myself at you and you still think you're superior to me!

Help! Help!