Where the Bears Are (2012–…): Season 2, Episode 20 - Hunting Bears - full transcript
After a violent home invasion, the Bears rent a house in the mountains of Big Bear for some rest and relaxation, but while hosting a game night for some of their friends Reggie finds a clue while playing a game of Celebrity that suggests the real killer is still on the loose and ready to strike again at any time. Reggie: Rick Copp. Nelson: Ben Zook. Wood: Joe Dietl. Todd: Ian Parks. Cyril: Scott Beauchemin. Jeremy: Mark Rowe. Detective Winters: Chad Sanders. Danny Pendleton: Chris LaVoie. Turbo: Shannon Ward.
Hey everybody, this is Rick.
Before we roll episode 20, here's a sneak peak of our upcoming Season 2 DVD.
Every spy will tell you, when working undercover, always chose something that comes natural to you.
For me it's hobnobbing with other....oh shit.
Every spy will tell you, when working undercover, always chose something that comes natural to you.
For me it's rubbing elbows with fellow...
Every spy will tell you, when working undercover, always chose something that comes natural to you.
For me it's rubbing elbows... oh my god.
Every spy will tell you, when working undercover, always chose something that comes natural to you.
For me it's hobnobbing with other industry professionals and literary artists. For you...(laughter)
Every spy will tell you.... (laughter)
And our Season 2 DVD is full of amazing extras.
Including the uncensored feature length version of our show.
And when we say uncensored, we mean you get to see a little ass.
It also has a 20 minute Thanksgiving episode.
Which mark the return of fan favorite, Rachel Ray wannabe, Honey Garrett.
We have a special half hour Wood's Web Cam episode.
About our recent trip to the Mediterranean, sponsored by CRUISE4BEARS.
And we also have Nelson's Soak 'Ems, adult diapers commercial. So you don't want to miss that.
And all new Outtakes, Bloopers and Deleted Scenes.
And our infamous Feature Film commentary. Where we all get drunk and dish about what happened behind the scenes.
Which basically means me, mostly.
So please, help us recoup our costs for Season 2 and start paying for Season 3.
Because we are completely self financed. So it is only with your help that we can continue to do our show.
So go online, to our store, wherethebearsare.tv and preorder your DVD today.
And you will get it before everybody else does and in plenty of time for Thanksgiving.
And if you order Season 1 and Season 2 together, you get 5 dollars off. So there you go.
Enjoy todays episode. Today things get really hairy!
I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to a quiet, stress free weekend.
Reggie, you totally scored with this place. This is amazing.
Yeah. I can't believe my brush with death brought you so much fun money.
New suitcase?
And wardrobe.
Oh my god.
Wow.
Goodness.
Okay. I paid for this place. I'm making sure we get the best bedroom.
You guys! I think I saw a porno that was shot here once.
It's called "Cabin Full O' Cock"! It's about a bunch of guys who have 10" penises.
And they jack off...they jacked off in front of that fireplace!
And they jackedoff in front of that book shelf!
Do you mind? We have a guest with us.
Oh, it's okay. I saw "Cabin Full O' Cock". One, Two and Three. They're classics!
I knew I liked this guy!
Three was the best.
Oh, you've seen it too?
I really appreciate you guys including me on your weekend. This place is beautiful.
Well, we appreciate you coming along.
I'm going to go check on the chili.
Hey, could you bring us another round when you get the chance? Sure.
Great. Thanks.
Okay, Reggie. I've got to tell you. I'm proud of you.
No really. Asking him to come along? That's a big step for you.
I know. I hope I'm not making a mistake.
What the hell am I doing? Nelson, I don't even know if I'm capable of dating just one person.
Listen to me. That guy over there is for real.
I don't want you missing out on something special.
And I'm saying this because I love you.
I don't want you to run away like you always do. Okay? Give this one a chance.
Well, howdy, handsome! This is a coincidence seeing you here.
Danny, what are you doing here with Turbo?
We're staying at a cabin down the road.
A friend of ours won a weekend rental in a raffle so we decided to crash and enjoy a little honeymoon.
So you left your wife?
Yeah, finally. This bear needed to roam in his natural habitat.
Damn.
So we heard about you guys solving Elliot Butler's murder.
I assume your roommates have taken us off the suspects list.
Yeah. Sorry about the whole breaking into your office thing and me publicly exposing you with a kiss.
Because of that kiss from you, I'm up ten points in the polls today!
Well, we should probably get going but we'll be seeing you tonight?
Tonight?
Yeah. We were at that little grocery store in town and ran into that big, tall, kind of slow guy.
Wood.
Yeah. He invited us over to your house for cocktails so we'll be seeing you later, sexy.
All right. Well, you bring the cock and I'll bring the tail.
You got it.
Hurry! Hurry!
Okay. First author to write about a gay detective. Joseph Hansen!
Yes!
Oh, my favorite actress! Her first movie was Napoleon and...
Jodie Foster! Yes!
That's amazing.
I knew I was gay when I was twelve years old because I loved this band...
Oh, please. ABBA!
Yes!
Time!
Did you all have some kind of mind meld or something beforehand?
You must have amazing sex.
Yeah. And that was quite a team effort. Thanks for including me.
Listen, I'm going to go fetch more snacks and I'm taking this with me.
Because I don't want any of you bitches cheating.
I'm going to get some more beers. Who wants one?
Detective Winters! You scared me.
I'm sorry. I just had to come up here and see you.
I couldn't stop thinking about you.
Does Marcus know you're here?
No. I told him I got called out of town on another case.
I hate lying to him but he's been acting really weird lately.
I just can't quit you, Wood.
I don't want to come between you and Marcus. Okay?
But I guess that's physically impossible because he's so far away so...
Australian country music singer married to Nicole Kidman.
Keith Urban!
Mommie Dearest! Mildred Pierce! Joan Crawford!
(DUMBO)
Hurry up! Come on! Clock's ticking, Reggie! Do a sound alike!
Who put this in here?
You can't ask that. Well, who is it? What?
I said who put this in here!
What's wrong with him?
Didn't you arrest me?
Yeah, that was me.
Cool.
Before we roll episode 20, here's a sneak peak of our upcoming Season 2 DVD.
Every spy will tell you, when working undercover, always chose something that comes natural to you.
For me it's hobnobbing with other....oh shit.
Every spy will tell you, when working undercover, always chose something that comes natural to you.
For me it's rubbing elbows with fellow...
Every spy will tell you, when working undercover, always chose something that comes natural to you.
For me it's rubbing elbows... oh my god.
Every spy will tell you, when working undercover, always chose something that comes natural to you.
For me it's hobnobbing with other industry professionals and literary artists. For you...(laughter)
Every spy will tell you.... (laughter)
And our Season 2 DVD is full of amazing extras.
Including the uncensored feature length version of our show.
And when we say uncensored, we mean you get to see a little ass.
It also has a 20 minute Thanksgiving episode.
Which mark the return of fan favorite, Rachel Ray wannabe, Honey Garrett.
We have a special half hour Wood's Web Cam episode.
About our recent trip to the Mediterranean, sponsored by CRUISE4BEARS.
And we also have Nelson's Soak 'Ems, adult diapers commercial. So you don't want to miss that.
And all new Outtakes, Bloopers and Deleted Scenes.
And our infamous Feature Film commentary. Where we all get drunk and dish about what happened behind the scenes.
Which basically means me, mostly.
So please, help us recoup our costs for Season 2 and start paying for Season 3.
Because we are completely self financed. So it is only with your help that we can continue to do our show.
So go online, to our store, wherethebearsare.tv and preorder your DVD today.
And you will get it before everybody else does and in plenty of time for Thanksgiving.
And if you order Season 1 and Season 2 together, you get 5 dollars off. So there you go.
Enjoy todays episode. Today things get really hairy!
I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to a quiet, stress free weekend.
Reggie, you totally scored with this place. This is amazing.
Yeah. I can't believe my brush with death brought you so much fun money.
New suitcase?
And wardrobe.
Oh my god.
Wow.
Goodness.
Okay. I paid for this place. I'm making sure we get the best bedroom.
You guys! I think I saw a porno that was shot here once.
It's called "Cabin Full O' Cock"! It's about a bunch of guys who have 10" penises.
And they jack off...they jacked off in front of that fireplace!
And they jackedoff in front of that book shelf!
Do you mind? We have a guest with us.
Oh, it's okay. I saw "Cabin Full O' Cock". One, Two and Three. They're classics!
I knew I liked this guy!
Three was the best.
Oh, you've seen it too?
I really appreciate you guys including me on your weekend. This place is beautiful.
Well, we appreciate you coming along.
I'm going to go check on the chili.
Hey, could you bring us another round when you get the chance? Sure.
Great. Thanks.
Okay, Reggie. I've got to tell you. I'm proud of you.
No really. Asking him to come along? That's a big step for you.
I know. I hope I'm not making a mistake.
What the hell am I doing? Nelson, I don't even know if I'm capable of dating just one person.
Listen to me. That guy over there is for real.
I don't want you missing out on something special.
And I'm saying this because I love you.
I don't want you to run away like you always do. Okay? Give this one a chance.
Well, howdy, handsome! This is a coincidence seeing you here.
Danny, what are you doing here with Turbo?
We're staying at a cabin down the road.
A friend of ours won a weekend rental in a raffle so we decided to crash and enjoy a little honeymoon.
So you left your wife?
Yeah, finally. This bear needed to roam in his natural habitat.
Damn.
So we heard about you guys solving Elliot Butler's murder.
I assume your roommates have taken us off the suspects list.
Yeah. Sorry about the whole breaking into your office thing and me publicly exposing you with a kiss.
Because of that kiss from you, I'm up ten points in the polls today!
Well, we should probably get going but we'll be seeing you tonight?
Tonight?
Yeah. We were at that little grocery store in town and ran into that big, tall, kind of slow guy.
Wood.
Yeah. He invited us over to your house for cocktails so we'll be seeing you later, sexy.
All right. Well, you bring the cock and I'll bring the tail.
You got it.
Hurry! Hurry!
Okay. First author to write about a gay detective. Joseph Hansen!
Yes!
Oh, my favorite actress! Her first movie was Napoleon and...
Jodie Foster! Yes!
That's amazing.
I knew I was gay when I was twelve years old because I loved this band...
Oh, please. ABBA!
Yes!
Time!
Did you all have some kind of mind meld or something beforehand?
You must have amazing sex.
Yeah. And that was quite a team effort. Thanks for including me.
Listen, I'm going to go fetch more snacks and I'm taking this with me.
Because I don't want any of you bitches cheating.
I'm going to get some more beers. Who wants one?
Detective Winters! You scared me.
I'm sorry. I just had to come up here and see you.
I couldn't stop thinking about you.
Does Marcus know you're here?
No. I told him I got called out of town on another case.
I hate lying to him but he's been acting really weird lately.
I just can't quit you, Wood.
I don't want to come between you and Marcus. Okay?
But I guess that's physically impossible because he's so far away so...
Australian country music singer married to Nicole Kidman.
Keith Urban!
Mommie Dearest! Mildred Pierce! Joan Crawford!
(DUMBO)
Hurry up! Come on! Clock's ticking, Reggie! Do a sound alike!
Who put this in here?
You can't ask that. Well, who is it? What?
I said who put this in here!
What's wrong with him?
Didn't you arrest me?
Yeah, that was me.
Cool.