Where the Bears Are (2012–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Truth or Bear - full transcript
After Reggie (Rick Copp) discovers his old college chum Elliot Butler (Michael Gans) lying on the floor, shot by an unknown intruder, the police want to take him in for questioning as a suspect. Meanwhile, Nelson is convinced he's spotted Cyril (Scott Beauchemin) at the party despite the fact he was sent to prison months ago and Wood runs into his old crush Hairy Potter (Pete Cincinnato). Nelson: Ben Zook. Wood: Joe Dietl. Todd: Ian Parks. Detective Martinez: George Unda. Mo Kapoor: Ray Singh. Guy at Pool Party: Coley Cummiskey.
Oh Jesus! Oh my God! Elliot! Elliot! What happened?
Help! Somebody please get in here!
Du--
Don't try to talk. Don't try to talk. Dumbo.
Help! Get in here please! Somebody!
He's been shot! Call 911!
What the fuck did you do to him?
I didn't do anything! Just call 911!
That was awesome! Wait.
Yeah? I'm right here. I'm right outside the house.
Okay. I'm on it.
Wood, I'm Detective Martinez. I work at the Silver Lake precinct.
Hit me up. All right? I've got to go.
Detective. Oh my God. I'm dating two hot detectives. I'm more of a whore than Reggie!
I can not believe this is happening.
This is so humiliating.
Your ex just said he's going to try to break the two of us up.
He told you that?
Well, not in so many words. But he strongly implied it.
Forgive me for being nervous but you said when he left you it took you over a year to get over him.
That's in the past. I'm with you now so you have nothing to be worried about.
I know. I know. It's just sometimes I...
Oh my God! What?
I think I just saw Cyril across the pool.
Cyril? Yes! Cyril!
That's impossible. Cyril's in prison.
Is he? Do you remember that mysterious Santa Claus?
He showed up out of the blue at our Christmas party last December?
So fess up. Who are you? Ho. Ho. Ho.
Don't give me any ho ho ho, asshole. Who the hell are you?
I never told anybody this but I am almost certain it was Cyril.
Nelson, baby, that sounds a little crazy.
I know. I know. It is.
It's just that whenever I hear you talking about your ex it makes me kind of crazy.
Well, when you get crazy that's when we fight.
So let's skip the fighting part and skip to the part where we make out and make up and all that good stuff.
I like that. I like that. Okay
Oh hey! Hairy Potter!
Hey, Wood, how have you been?
I've been good. How is Susie?
I don't know. I don't care. She got arrested for sexual harassment.
I'm County Coroner now. My dancing days are over.
Come on! Once more for old time's sake?
I think it's your turn now.
Come on. Show me some moves.
Show me your monkey. Show me your sexy bouncing monkey. Oh yeah.
Like this?
Yeah, that's hot. Old school eighties. I love the eighties.
Keep going. Oh yeah.
What's going on?
Someone got murdered inside the house!
I've got to get in there!
Oh my God! What is the deal with us and people getting murdered?
There does seem to be a pattern developing here.
Well, at least we're out here. We can't be considered suspects.
Where's Reggie?
Ambulance got here too late. He's dead.
It's a GSW to the stomach.
(off screen) I'm going in! Don't try to stop me! I have to see if my friend is okay!
Oh my God! Reggie! Reggie!
Nelson! Thank God! I thought you were dead!
Nelson, they think I did it! They think I shot Elliot!
I'm only asking him a few questions.
This is like an episode of CSI. Only a really hot gay porn version.
Dude.
Reggie, what happened?
I came in and I saw him lying on the floor. He had been shot.
He grabbed me and he whispered something in my ear and then he just died.
Did the victim say anything? Dumbo.
Does Dumbo mean anything to you?
Oh yeah! I had it one time in New Orleans over Mardi Gras.
It was delicious! It's made with rice and shrimp and sausage...
Not gumbo, you twit! Dumbo! And I have no idea what it means.
I'm sorry but we're going to have to take you to the precinct for more questioning.
Reggie, don't worry! They can't arrest you! They have nothing on you!
You'll be back by Happy Hour! I hope the questioning doesn't last all
I hope the questioning doesn't last all night.
I know, Poor Reggie. Look at him.
No. Me and Detective Martinez are going to hook up later!
Help! Somebody please get in here!
Du--
Don't try to talk. Don't try to talk. Dumbo.
Help! Get in here please! Somebody!
He's been shot! Call 911!
What the fuck did you do to him?
I didn't do anything! Just call 911!
That was awesome! Wait.
Yeah? I'm right here. I'm right outside the house.
Okay. I'm on it.
Wood, I'm Detective Martinez. I work at the Silver Lake precinct.
Hit me up. All right? I've got to go.
Detective. Oh my God. I'm dating two hot detectives. I'm more of a whore than Reggie!
I can not believe this is happening.
This is so humiliating.
Your ex just said he's going to try to break the two of us up.
He told you that?
Well, not in so many words. But he strongly implied it.
Forgive me for being nervous but you said when he left you it took you over a year to get over him.
That's in the past. I'm with you now so you have nothing to be worried about.
I know. I know. It's just sometimes I...
Oh my God! What?
I think I just saw Cyril across the pool.
Cyril? Yes! Cyril!
That's impossible. Cyril's in prison.
Is he? Do you remember that mysterious Santa Claus?
He showed up out of the blue at our Christmas party last December?
So fess up. Who are you? Ho. Ho. Ho.
Don't give me any ho ho ho, asshole. Who the hell are you?
I never told anybody this but I am almost certain it was Cyril.
Nelson, baby, that sounds a little crazy.
I know. I know. It is.
It's just that whenever I hear you talking about your ex it makes me kind of crazy.
Well, when you get crazy that's when we fight.
So let's skip the fighting part and skip to the part where we make out and make up and all that good stuff.
I like that. I like that. Okay
Oh hey! Hairy Potter!
Hey, Wood, how have you been?
I've been good. How is Susie?
I don't know. I don't care. She got arrested for sexual harassment.
I'm County Coroner now. My dancing days are over.
Come on! Once more for old time's sake?
I think it's your turn now.
Come on. Show me some moves.
Show me your monkey. Show me your sexy bouncing monkey. Oh yeah.
Like this?
Yeah, that's hot. Old school eighties. I love the eighties.
Keep going. Oh yeah.
What's going on?
Someone got murdered inside the house!
I've got to get in there!
Oh my God! What is the deal with us and people getting murdered?
There does seem to be a pattern developing here.
Well, at least we're out here. We can't be considered suspects.
Where's Reggie?
Ambulance got here too late. He's dead.
It's a GSW to the stomach.
(off screen) I'm going in! Don't try to stop me! I have to see if my friend is okay!
Oh my God! Reggie! Reggie!
Nelson! Thank God! I thought you were dead!
Nelson, they think I did it! They think I shot Elliot!
I'm only asking him a few questions.
This is like an episode of CSI. Only a really hot gay porn version.
Dude.
Reggie, what happened?
I came in and I saw him lying on the floor. He had been shot.
He grabbed me and he whispered something in my ear and then he just died.
Did the victim say anything? Dumbo.
Does Dumbo mean anything to you?
Oh yeah! I had it one time in New Orleans over Mardi Gras.
It was delicious! It's made with rice and shrimp and sausage...
Not gumbo, you twit! Dumbo! And I have no idea what it means.
I'm sorry but we're going to have to take you to the precinct for more questioning.
Reggie, don't worry! They can't arrest you! They have nothing on you!
You'll be back by Happy Hour! I hope the questioning doesn't last all
I hope the questioning doesn't last all night.
I know, Poor Reggie. Look at him.
No. Me and Detective Martinez are going to hook up later!