Where the Bears Are (2012–…): Season 2, Episode 11 - Break in Bears - full transcript
Nelson, Reggie and Wood break into Danny Pendleton's campaign headquarters to dig up evidence for their latest theory that Elliot's opponent was sleeping with his wife's personal trainer Turbo and seduced him into knocking off Elliot thereby eliminating his stiffest competition, but a sexy bear security guard (James St. James) interferes with their plans. Nelson: Ben Zook. Reggie: Rick Copp. Wood: Joe Dietl.
This was a really dumb idea, Nelson. Who is going to buy me as part of cleaning crew?
I told you I'm famous now!
One interview about your book for a twelve year old's blog in Fargo, North Dakota
does not make you a household name, Reggie.
What about me? I'm a famous model.
I hate to tell you this, Wood, but the only magazine cover you could book right now is for Gay-A-R-P.
I'm the trained actor. Let me handle this.
Can I help you?
Hey there. How are you doing? We're from Acme Janitorial.
We're here to clean the office.
Wait a minute. You guys usually come on Tuesdays.
Yeah, but we heard there is a big fucking mess back there, didn't we, guys?
We've got to clean the office tonight.
What is this? Good Fellas?
I didn't know we were doing accents. We're here to clean the floors!
Why are you doing a girl? I don't know.
I'm not cleared to let you in.
We get it. You can never be too careful.
By the way, I am totally open to a thorough strip search if you'd like.
I didn't catch your name. Charlie.
Well, Charlie, it just so happens I have this thing for a man in uniform.
Well, that's too bad because I'm dying to take it off.
I'm sorry. I can't let you through.
Look here, asshole, you better let us get back there to clean that fucking office
because it's going to be your butt that's going to get canned and not ours!
Yeah, it's going to be your butt.
All right. Just go ahead. Go on in.
That's more like it. Come on, guys.
What are you doing? My job.
We're here to look for clues. Put the mop away. Oh yeah.
I'm surprised you even know how to use a mop. When it comes to cleaning at home you're completely useless.
Hey, I hired a housekeeper with my book money but you said he made you uncomfortable.
He was cleaning our house in the nude.
That was part of the service. I paid extra for that.
Well, I'm sorry but it was pretty gross staring at his sausage while I was eating mine at the breakfast table.
I miss him. You know, I used to go around the house and collect all the dustballs I could find and then I'd put them under my bed.
Then I would go get him and point them out so he would have to get down on all fours with his swiffer
and I would have the most perfect view of his--
Holy cow, Wood! Knock it off! We get it.
Hey! Danny Pendleton's personal drawer. Help me.
Is it locked? Yes, it's locked.
Let's pull on three. I'm going to pull your arm, okay?
One, two, three...
Hey! What's going on here?
We're doing yoga, right guys? Yes.
That's why we're on the ground. Namaste!
Do that downward dog move!
Woof! Woof! Do that Warrior Princess move!
Warrior Princess? Look how relaxing that is, Charlie.
Feels so good. Yeah, that's a good one.
You should try yoga, Charlie. It's a great stress reliever. Right guys?
Okay, yoga break is over. Back to work.
Oh come on! It's always too short.
Yeah, I know but it's healthy. It relieves the stress.
Okay, he bought it! Okay, we need to separate and look for clues.
Stop! Stop! You go there! You go there! I'll go there!
Hey! I found Danny Pendleton's office. Come on!
Hey. Danny wrote down Turbo's home address in his list of contacts.
Now why would you need your personal trainer's home address unless there was more to the relationship?
Well, that doesn't necessarily prove that...
That doesn't necessarily prove they were sleeping together.
Well they had to do it somewhere. They couldn't do it at his place
he's too smart to risk Mary Ashley coming across a hotel credit card receipt.
Wood, take a picture. Oh, okay.
Not of us! Take a picture of the address, you numbskull!
You don't work out enough that you would need a personal trainer.
He doesn't need a personal trainer.
He needs you to take a picture of the address
so you can give it to the detectives so they can call him in for questioning you boob!
Oh right. You know what? I will just use my photogenic mind to memorize the address.
Why don't we snap a picture just to be sure, okay?
All right. It's a complete waste of time but I don't mind.
Shut up!
You know, I'm betting they can put enough pressure on Turbo
to get him to confess that his lover Danny got him to do his dirty work.
He has a safe!
Hey! You're never going to be able to open that.
No! Besides having a photogenic mind, I can also open a safe!
We're not here to crack safes. We need to get the hell out of here.
And... voila!
Oh dear God.
Come on!
Freeze!
I'm trying to freeze.
I told you I'm famous now!
One interview about your book for a twelve year old's blog in Fargo, North Dakota
does not make you a household name, Reggie.
What about me? I'm a famous model.
I hate to tell you this, Wood, but the only magazine cover you could book right now is for Gay-A-R-P.
I'm the trained actor. Let me handle this.
Can I help you?
Hey there. How are you doing? We're from Acme Janitorial.
We're here to clean the office.
Wait a minute. You guys usually come on Tuesdays.
Yeah, but we heard there is a big fucking mess back there, didn't we, guys?
We've got to clean the office tonight.
What is this? Good Fellas?
I didn't know we were doing accents. We're here to clean the floors!
Why are you doing a girl? I don't know.
I'm not cleared to let you in.
We get it. You can never be too careful.
By the way, I am totally open to a thorough strip search if you'd like.
I didn't catch your name. Charlie.
Well, Charlie, it just so happens I have this thing for a man in uniform.
Well, that's too bad because I'm dying to take it off.
I'm sorry. I can't let you through.
Look here, asshole, you better let us get back there to clean that fucking office
because it's going to be your butt that's going to get canned and not ours!
Yeah, it's going to be your butt.
All right. Just go ahead. Go on in.
That's more like it. Come on, guys.
What are you doing? My job.
We're here to look for clues. Put the mop away. Oh yeah.
I'm surprised you even know how to use a mop. When it comes to cleaning at home you're completely useless.
Hey, I hired a housekeeper with my book money but you said he made you uncomfortable.
He was cleaning our house in the nude.
That was part of the service. I paid extra for that.
Well, I'm sorry but it was pretty gross staring at his sausage while I was eating mine at the breakfast table.
I miss him. You know, I used to go around the house and collect all the dustballs I could find and then I'd put them under my bed.
Then I would go get him and point them out so he would have to get down on all fours with his swiffer
and I would have the most perfect view of his--
Holy cow, Wood! Knock it off! We get it.
Hey! Danny Pendleton's personal drawer. Help me.
Is it locked? Yes, it's locked.
Let's pull on three. I'm going to pull your arm, okay?
One, two, three...
Hey! What's going on here?
We're doing yoga, right guys? Yes.
That's why we're on the ground. Namaste!
Do that downward dog move!
Woof! Woof! Do that Warrior Princess move!
Warrior Princess? Look how relaxing that is, Charlie.
Feels so good. Yeah, that's a good one.
You should try yoga, Charlie. It's a great stress reliever. Right guys?
Okay, yoga break is over. Back to work.
Oh come on! It's always too short.
Yeah, I know but it's healthy. It relieves the stress.
Okay, he bought it! Okay, we need to separate and look for clues.
Stop! Stop! You go there! You go there! I'll go there!
Hey! I found Danny Pendleton's office. Come on!
Hey. Danny wrote down Turbo's home address in his list of contacts.
Now why would you need your personal trainer's home address unless there was more to the relationship?
Well, that doesn't necessarily prove that...
That doesn't necessarily prove they were sleeping together.
Well they had to do it somewhere. They couldn't do it at his place
he's too smart to risk Mary Ashley coming across a hotel credit card receipt.
Wood, take a picture. Oh, okay.
Not of us! Take a picture of the address, you numbskull!
You don't work out enough that you would need a personal trainer.
He doesn't need a personal trainer.
He needs you to take a picture of the address
so you can give it to the detectives so they can call him in for questioning you boob!
Oh right. You know what? I will just use my photogenic mind to memorize the address.
Why don't we snap a picture just to be sure, okay?
All right. It's a complete waste of time but I don't mind.
Shut up!
You know, I'm betting they can put enough pressure on Turbo
to get him to confess that his lover Danny got him to do his dirty work.
He has a safe!
Hey! You're never going to be able to open that.
No! Besides having a photogenic mind, I can also open a safe!
We're not here to crack safes. We need to get the hell out of here.
And... voila!
Oh dear God.
Come on!
Freeze!
I'm trying to freeze.