Where the Bears Are (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Bear Essentials - full transcript
When the Bears receive word that J Cub's death has been ruled a homicide, they start investigating on their own and find an important clue the cops missed. Meanwhile, Hot Toddy shows up and asks Nelson out on a real date.
Wow!
3 guys hit me up on "Growlr"
no face pics though, just "Dick shots"
How are you suppose to tell who they are?
"Dick shots?"
OK the black guy, that's Craig.
He works out at the same gym as us.
he's that guy whose always on the elliptical
staring at people. Oh!
OK, the uncut one is Habib, at the 7-11.
Your cruising guys at the 7-11?
OK, the third, the curved one
Oooh, that's Owen, total freak, stay away from him!
Wow!! You are like the "Dick Whisperer"
I'm here to help.
I can't believe this happening!
What's wrong Nelson?
Did your hot muscle bear cub break up with you already?
Wow! I thought it would last at least til Friday!
Nelson, you know I love you,
but you really need to focus on Chasers looking for Sugar Daddies!
Ya, you love sugar!
No kidding. One more snickers bar
and he's be popping Januvia with Paula Dean!
(laughing)
Are you finished?!
That was Detective Winters!
J Cub's death has been reclassified a homicide!
What! How?
He didn't give me any details!
But that means the 3 of us are suspects!
We've got to figure out what happened
before we are all end up in prison getting raped!
(laughter)
Oh, honey, I don't think you have much to worry about.
But you know what? You and me, we would totally have to watch our backs!
Oh my god, us! We would totally get raped!
Right? Yes!! You don't have to worry.
What are we doing?
The cops combed this place.
If there was a clue laying around, they would have found it.
Oh, look what I found!
How did Detective Winters miss that?
When you're that hot, you don't have to be too good at anything.
Do you think this was J Cub's drink?
Maybe.
Do you think maybe he was poisoned?
There were no signs of trauma or bruising. It kind of makes sense.
Oh my god!
We should turn this over to the Police.
No we shouldn't. What, and in incriminate us?
No, we need to figure out another way that J Cub could have been poisoned.
But Detective Winters isn't talking. I mean, who are we gonna call?
How about the LA County Coroner who did the autopsy.
Sure, Wood. I've got her on speed dial along with the Governor.
Oh, you know her too?
You don't know her. Oh, ya, ya ya!
I went to high school with her. She was my beard at prom.
We double dated with her best friend and the tight end from the football team.
a tight end?
Not after we dropped the girls off.
Oh my god!
That's Him!
That's Detective Winters. He's here to arrest us!
I've got the glass! I've got the evidence! What do we do?
Hide it! Hide the glass!
Ooh, I get handcuffed first!
I can't go to prison. I can't!
The food is god awful!
Oh, thank God! Todd.
Hey guys it's cool. It's my boyfriend Todd.
Right, like it's really his boyfriend Todd.
Wow.
Hey, what are you doing here?
Well, I texted you earlier.
and left a voicemail.
But now that i'm standing here on your doorstep. I kind of feel like a stalker.
Come on in.
Move it Lurch! Make way for my lover.
So, did the Police contact you?
Yeah but you know, I've just been really busy lately.
Totally reasonable explanation. No need to ever talk about it again.
Hey, are you available for dinner tonight?
Yes
Oh, wait a minute.
No, actually I'm not.
Well, I teach this seminar.
It's for children who audition for Disney channel shows. Not Nickelodeon though.
Because, Miranda Cosgrove took out a restraining order against me.
It's this really long embarrassing story. Anyway
But it's all about me sharing the gift.
Sweet.
What about tomorrow night then?
Absolutely!
Great!
God you taste good.
You too.
Oh right. Well…
Then I guess I will see you tomorrow night.
Guys.
And remember, don't leave me hanging.
I know where you live.
Too busy to talk to the cops, but free to take Nelson to dinner?
Are we being punked?!
I've got pre-cum.
3 guys hit me up on "Growlr"
no face pics though, just "Dick shots"
How are you suppose to tell who they are?
"Dick shots?"
OK the black guy, that's Craig.
He works out at the same gym as us.
he's that guy whose always on the elliptical
staring at people. Oh!
OK, the uncut one is Habib, at the 7-11.
Your cruising guys at the 7-11?
OK, the third, the curved one
Oooh, that's Owen, total freak, stay away from him!
Wow!! You are like the "Dick Whisperer"
I'm here to help.
I can't believe this happening!
What's wrong Nelson?
Did your hot muscle bear cub break up with you already?
Wow! I thought it would last at least til Friday!
Nelson, you know I love you,
but you really need to focus on Chasers looking for Sugar Daddies!
Ya, you love sugar!
No kidding. One more snickers bar
and he's be popping Januvia with Paula Dean!
(laughing)
Are you finished?!
That was Detective Winters!
J Cub's death has been reclassified a homicide!
What! How?
He didn't give me any details!
But that means the 3 of us are suspects!
We've got to figure out what happened
before we are all end up in prison getting raped!
(laughter)
Oh, honey, I don't think you have much to worry about.
But you know what? You and me, we would totally have to watch our backs!
Oh my god, us! We would totally get raped!
Right? Yes!! You don't have to worry.
What are we doing?
The cops combed this place.
If there was a clue laying around, they would have found it.
Oh, look what I found!
How did Detective Winters miss that?
When you're that hot, you don't have to be too good at anything.
Do you think this was J Cub's drink?
Maybe.
Do you think maybe he was poisoned?
There were no signs of trauma or bruising. It kind of makes sense.
Oh my god!
We should turn this over to the Police.
No we shouldn't. What, and in incriminate us?
No, we need to figure out another way that J Cub could have been poisoned.
But Detective Winters isn't talking. I mean, who are we gonna call?
How about the LA County Coroner who did the autopsy.
Sure, Wood. I've got her on speed dial along with the Governor.
Oh, you know her too?
You don't know her. Oh, ya, ya ya!
I went to high school with her. She was my beard at prom.
We double dated with her best friend and the tight end from the football team.
a tight end?
Not after we dropped the girls off.
Oh my god!
That's Him!
That's Detective Winters. He's here to arrest us!
I've got the glass! I've got the evidence! What do we do?
Hide it! Hide the glass!
Ooh, I get handcuffed first!
I can't go to prison. I can't!
The food is god awful!
Oh, thank God! Todd.
Hey guys it's cool. It's my boyfriend Todd.
Right, like it's really his boyfriend Todd.
Wow.
Hey, what are you doing here?
Well, I texted you earlier.
and left a voicemail.
But now that i'm standing here on your doorstep. I kind of feel like a stalker.
Come on in.
Move it Lurch! Make way for my lover.
So, did the Police contact you?
Yeah but you know, I've just been really busy lately.
Totally reasonable explanation. No need to ever talk about it again.
Hey, are you available for dinner tonight?
Yes
Oh, wait a minute.
No, actually I'm not.
Well, I teach this seminar.
It's for children who audition for Disney channel shows. Not Nickelodeon though.
Because, Miranda Cosgrove took out a restraining order against me.
It's this really long embarrassing story. Anyway
But it's all about me sharing the gift.
Sweet.
What about tomorrow night then?
Absolutely!
Great!
God you taste good.
You too.
Oh right. Well…
Then I guess I will see you tomorrow night.
Guys.
And remember, don't leave me hanging.
I know where you live.
Too busy to talk to the cops, but free to take Nelson to dinner?
Are we being punked?!
I've got pre-cum.