Where the Bears Are (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Goldicop and the Three Bears - full transcript
A sexy detective (Chad Sanders) shows up at the house to question the bears about the body in their bathtub, and it quickly becomes clear the roommates will be suspects if J Cub's death is ruled a homicide.
This cannot be happening. We have a dead body in our bathtub.
A police forensic team combing our house for evidence.
And I finally meet a quality guy and he leaves before I can get his number.
Can this day get any worse?!
I'm Detective Chad Winters. I'd like to ask you a few questions.
Things aren't that bad. Look on the bright side.
We have a hot detective.
Looks like he died of natural causes. Maybe a heart attack.
Heart attack.
But he was so young!
I mean, he and I were practically the same age.
Didn't we celebrate your 40th Birthday for the 5th time last...
Shut up Wood!
So you guys found him this morning?
Well, Reggie did.
It was hard to miss him.
He had, you know, "morning wood".
Good Morning.
He's not talking to you Doofus!
So that was when you three called Police.
Was there anyone else in the house when you discovered the body?
Just my boyfriend.
Oh, Nelson, boyfriend already?
What's your boyfriends name?
Hot Toddy…Todd.
What's his last name?
Um, I don't know.
Do you have a number where he can be reached?
No, I don't have a number where he can be reached.
Ok, so maybe "boyfriend" is a bit premature.
What is this an interrogation?!
I'm just doing my job.
I'm going to go check with forensics and see what they've come up with.
I'll be right back.
Excuse me, Detective Winters?
I was wondering. don't know what your schedule is, but
I know this very intimate dark bar.
Bar? Why go to a bar, when I can fuck you right here?
No.
It's just that sometimes when I've have a cocktail or two
I tend to remember more, and I might think of something.
No.
Well if you're not...
No!
He's obviously straight!
Wait a minute.
I knew it, he wants me!
How can I help you Detective?
Weren't you a Colt Model?
I was uh... back in the 90's. Wood Burns.
That's actually a stage name.
Burns is a stage name. Wood was short for Woodrow, which is my real name.
But then I thought, you know what?
Wood, actually does burn.
And I thought
You know, I want to try and make some kind of statement with my name.
And be like this cool guy...
but I never really figured out what that statement was...
Wood, was your neighborhood sprayed with a lot of the DDT when your were a child?
I don't know.
I was such a huge fan of yours.
I had your poster on my wall in college.
You were so hot back then!
Still are in my opinion.
Can I get my picture taken with you?
That would be awesome!
Reggie, take the picture!
Ya, Reggie, take their picture.
Be sure and focus.
Say "cheese".
Thanks man.
Ya, no problem.
And by the way,
if this does turn out to be a homicide,
you're all suspects. Thanks.
Awesome!
I think he likes me.
A police forensic team combing our house for evidence.
And I finally meet a quality guy and he leaves before I can get his number.
Can this day get any worse?!
I'm Detective Chad Winters. I'd like to ask you a few questions.
Things aren't that bad. Look on the bright side.
We have a hot detective.
Looks like he died of natural causes. Maybe a heart attack.
Heart attack.
But he was so young!
I mean, he and I were practically the same age.
Didn't we celebrate your 40th Birthday for the 5th time last...
Shut up Wood!
So you guys found him this morning?
Well, Reggie did.
It was hard to miss him.
He had, you know, "morning wood".
Good Morning.
He's not talking to you Doofus!
So that was when you three called Police.
Was there anyone else in the house when you discovered the body?
Just my boyfriend.
Oh, Nelson, boyfriend already?
What's your boyfriends name?
Hot Toddy…Todd.
What's his last name?
Um, I don't know.
Do you have a number where he can be reached?
No, I don't have a number where he can be reached.
Ok, so maybe "boyfriend" is a bit premature.
What is this an interrogation?!
I'm just doing my job.
I'm going to go check with forensics and see what they've come up with.
I'll be right back.
Excuse me, Detective Winters?
I was wondering. don't know what your schedule is, but
I know this very intimate dark bar.
Bar? Why go to a bar, when I can fuck you right here?
No.
It's just that sometimes when I've have a cocktail or two
I tend to remember more, and I might think of something.
No.
Well if you're not...
No!
He's obviously straight!
Wait a minute.
I knew it, he wants me!
How can I help you Detective?
Weren't you a Colt Model?
I was uh... back in the 90's. Wood Burns.
That's actually a stage name.
Burns is a stage name. Wood was short for Woodrow, which is my real name.
But then I thought, you know what?
Wood, actually does burn.
And I thought
You know, I want to try and make some kind of statement with my name.
And be like this cool guy...
but I never really figured out what that statement was...
Wood, was your neighborhood sprayed with a lot of the DDT when your were a child?
I don't know.
I was such a huge fan of yours.
I had your poster on my wall in college.
You were so hot back then!
Still are in my opinion.
Can I get my picture taken with you?
That would be awesome!
Reggie, take the picture!
Ya, Reggie, take their picture.
Be sure and focus.
Say "cheese".
Thanks man.
Ya, no problem.
And by the way,
if this does turn out to be a homicide,
you're all suspects. Thanks.
Awesome!
I think he likes me.