Where the Bears Are (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 21 - Bear Fight - full transcript
Tension between the Bears over Hot Toddy's involvement in J Cub's murder reach a boiling point resulting in Nelson choosing his new boyfriend over his two best friends.
Hey There everybody!!
Hey everybody surprise!!
Normally the episode would just start commercial free.
But for the last five episodes we need you to sit through a commercial
featuring us.
So here we are on the set of our all new Christmas episode that you can only see
on our upcoming Where The Bears Are Season 1 DVD.
That right, were going to release a DVD of Season 1 that will be chock full of amazing extras.
Including the uncensored full length feature version
of our show uninterrupted movie form.
And when we say uncensored, that means you get to see some of us naked.
Totally naked. And then also we have like this
new opening credit sequence that is only on the feature.
We have outtakes, bloopers, deleted scenes.
Oh, and big sigh here...
Wood's Bear Cam clips.
Love em! Awesome!
So, please help us make enough money to do another season of our show.
We're completely self-financed. So it's only with your help that we can do a Season 2.
Please go to our online store at wherethebearsare.tv and pre-order your DVD today.
That way you'll get it before everybody else and plenty of time for the holidays.
And speaking of holidays.
Happy Holidays!!
Guys, it's not even holloween yet.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Oh well.
Enjoy the episode.
And I don't understand. Cause in the gay community.
A big, burly, hairy, muscular man
is called a Bear.
And in the Lesbian community
A big, burly, muscular, hairy woman
is called a Lesbian.
so that's awesome. Stretch it out. Stretch it out.
That's right. That's right. Hold it.
I don't need to do yoga. What's happening?
Nelson, wait up!
Nelson, honey. It's time to wake up and smell the coffee.
Really, I think he should focus on the fact that his boyfriend was stalking Jcub.
Sorry.
Seriously,
I think we need to call Detective Winters and give him this information.
Oh, plus I need a date for the GLADD Awards on the 26th.
You think that detective has a crush on you?
And I'm the diluted one for thinking that my boyfriend isn't a vicious killer.
Unbelievable!
Okay, maybe Chad was infatuated with Wood's body 15 years ago but
I think he sees me as the whole package.
I have a big cock too!
Oh my God.
Honestly, I could actually see the two of us maybe
settling down some day.
Settling down?
Oh, you're going to settle down, is that the deal?
What are you going to buy a house with him?
and moved to the Valley? Is that it?
Yeah, right Reggie. You're not gonna settle down.
No, what you're gonna do is
you're going to travel the globe and you're gonna sleep
with every big, hot, hairy, gay bear you can find.
Hey, I got an idea.
Why don't you cruise the United Nations.
It'll save you money on plane fare.
You don't want to settle down.
And you're not looking for love. Okay, you're looking for dick!
Get real!
Okay, Nelson. You want to get real.
Let's get real with you.
You're a greying, middle-aged, gay guy.
Still trying to make it in the most
youth obsessed industries in the world. You always make such a huge event
out of when you don't get cast for something.
when, honestly, it would be a huge event
if you DID actually get cast in something.
You did not just say that to me.
Quit it guys!
I'm fucking sick of this shit!
Oh my God. Did he just say shit?
Yeah, I think he's really mad.
Yeah, you're damn right I am.
You guys are always ganging up on me.
And acting like I'm stupid all the time.
Well, guess what.
At least I'm smart enough to know that we all love each other.
And we need to stick together in times like these.
Especially,
when one of us might be in danger because he's dating a murderer.
Oh my God. We're back to that again.
I cannot believe you two!
I'm crazy about that guy!
And you know what?
It hurts my feelings that you don't trust me enough to know
if somebody's taking advantage of me or lying to me.
You know what? Todd is a good guy and I don't think he killed anybody.
What about Jcub's standup act?
That doesn't prove anything!
Performers make crap up all the time to get laughs!
Come on, Nelson.
How much more proof do you need?
You know what Reggie.
You get to have sex with all of these really gorgeous man all the time.
And then now I finally meet somebody that's beautiful and amazing.
and I'm crazy about him.
and you wont even give me that!
Do you always have to win? Huh? Is that the deal?
Do you always have to get the guy?
Why won't you just give me this?
Nelson, you know that's not true.
You know, I can't even be around you guys right now.
Where are you going?
Hey everybody surprise!!
Normally the episode would just start commercial free.
But for the last five episodes we need you to sit through a commercial
featuring us.
So here we are on the set of our all new Christmas episode that you can only see
on our upcoming Where The Bears Are Season 1 DVD.
That right, were going to release a DVD of Season 1 that will be chock full of amazing extras.
Including the uncensored full length feature version
of our show uninterrupted movie form.
And when we say uncensored, that means you get to see some of us naked.
Totally naked. And then also we have like this
new opening credit sequence that is only on the feature.
We have outtakes, bloopers, deleted scenes.
Oh, and big sigh here...
Wood's Bear Cam clips.
Love em! Awesome!
So, please help us make enough money to do another season of our show.
We're completely self-financed. So it's only with your help that we can do a Season 2.
Please go to our online store at wherethebearsare.tv and pre-order your DVD today.
That way you'll get it before everybody else and plenty of time for the holidays.
And speaking of holidays.
Happy Holidays!!
Guys, it's not even holloween yet.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Oh well.
Enjoy the episode.
And I don't understand. Cause in the gay community.
A big, burly, hairy, muscular man
is called a Bear.
And in the Lesbian community
A big, burly, muscular, hairy woman
is called a Lesbian.
so that's awesome. Stretch it out. Stretch it out.
That's right. That's right. Hold it.
I don't need to do yoga. What's happening?
Nelson, wait up!
Nelson, honey. It's time to wake up and smell the coffee.
Really, I think he should focus on the fact that his boyfriend was stalking Jcub.
Sorry.
Seriously,
I think we need to call Detective Winters and give him this information.
Oh, plus I need a date for the GLADD Awards on the 26th.
You think that detective has a crush on you?
And I'm the diluted one for thinking that my boyfriend isn't a vicious killer.
Unbelievable!
Okay, maybe Chad was infatuated with Wood's body 15 years ago but
I think he sees me as the whole package.
I have a big cock too!
Oh my God.
Honestly, I could actually see the two of us maybe
settling down some day.
Settling down?
Oh, you're going to settle down, is that the deal?
What are you going to buy a house with him?
and moved to the Valley? Is that it?
Yeah, right Reggie. You're not gonna settle down.
No, what you're gonna do is
you're going to travel the globe and you're gonna sleep
with every big, hot, hairy, gay bear you can find.
Hey, I got an idea.
Why don't you cruise the United Nations.
It'll save you money on plane fare.
You don't want to settle down.
And you're not looking for love. Okay, you're looking for dick!
Get real!
Okay, Nelson. You want to get real.
Let's get real with you.
You're a greying, middle-aged, gay guy.
Still trying to make it in the most
youth obsessed industries in the world. You always make such a huge event
out of when you don't get cast for something.
when, honestly, it would be a huge event
if you DID actually get cast in something.
You did not just say that to me.
Quit it guys!
I'm fucking sick of this shit!
Oh my God. Did he just say shit?
Yeah, I think he's really mad.
Yeah, you're damn right I am.
You guys are always ganging up on me.
And acting like I'm stupid all the time.
Well, guess what.
At least I'm smart enough to know that we all love each other.
And we need to stick together in times like these.
Especially,
when one of us might be in danger because he's dating a murderer.
Oh my God. We're back to that again.
I cannot believe you two!
I'm crazy about that guy!
And you know what?
It hurts my feelings that you don't trust me enough to know
if somebody's taking advantage of me or lying to me.
You know what? Todd is a good guy and I don't think he killed anybody.
What about Jcub's standup act?
That doesn't prove anything!
Performers make crap up all the time to get laughs!
Come on, Nelson.
How much more proof do you need?
You know what Reggie.
You get to have sex with all of these really gorgeous man all the time.
And then now I finally meet somebody that's beautiful and amazing.
and I'm crazy about him.
and you wont even give me that!
Do you always have to win? Huh? Is that the deal?
Do you always have to get the guy?
Why won't you just give me this?
Nelson, you know that's not true.
You know, I can't even be around you guys right now.
Where are you going?