Where the Bears Are (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 14 - Bear Facts - full transcript
Nelson ignores mounting suspicion surrounding Hot Toddy, and convinces Reggie and Wood that the person they should be focusing on is Ramon Santiago, the owner of an LA leather bar, who had a rocky relationship with the murder victim.
That was amazing, Juan.
So, will I see you next week?
Of course, Papi.
Wood, I told you.
Juan doesn't like you doing his job for him while he's taking his break.
I had to to do something to drown out the sound.
Have you seen Nelson this morning?
No, he was gone before I got up.
Well, we need to sit him down and give him the facts.
That Todd is way more involved in this murder than he is willing to admit.
He's never going to believe us.
Look, I know I come down hard on Nelson, sometimes but he's not delusional.
Sooner or later he's going to come to his senses.
Really, at his core, Nelson is a very serious person.
What?!
So, where were you, an audition?
No, Wood, actually I was at Von's.
I always do our weekly grocery shopping dressed as a circus clown.
Of course, I was in an audition you idiot!
Oh, how did it go?
Horribly. Yeah, I finally got in on that John Wayne Gacy bio pic.
I mean, it's the role of a lifetime.
But, because of you two. I blew it.
How is your bad acting, our fault.
I am not a bad actor.
But today, I kind of was
because last night I didn't get to have sex with my life partner.
Oh, now he's your life partner. Oh my God, it's been less than a week!
I've had blowjobs that lasted longer!
Your insistence that I questioned him, again, ruined our entire dinner.
So today, that's all I could think about.
I prepared for hours for this audition.
I practice stabbing. Kidnapping. I even practiced digging underneath the house.
And you know I hate manual labor.
But I went into the audition and I mangled it.
That's what you say about every audition.
Anyway, here's what I was supposed to do.
It was just suppose to be one line, okay? One line!
It's the part where, you know, Gacy's dressed up as Pogo the Clown.
And goes to a kid's birthday party
and he turns, I was suppose to turn towards camera
and be really menacing and creepy.
Menacing and creepy that you with the Eagle every Friday night.
Yeah, that's right in your wheel house.
Here's what I was suppose to do.
Hi kids!
Come closer!
It's me!
Pogo!
ooohh, Awe...
But I couldn't even remember the line
because of last night's date debacle!
Okay you know what,
I wish you guys could just let this whole Todd's a killer thing go.
I wish we could too, Nelson, but Wood and I are dealing in reality.
Let's play connect the dots.
No, no. I don't think we should play games right now.
I think we should focus on this case.
Duley noted.
Okay, we know that J-Cub was poisoned at our party.
We know that he didn't have anything to eat he just had something to drink.
We know that Hot Toddy was the bartender
and we know you told him we found J-Cubs Martini glass.
and then somebody broke into our house looking for it!
Okay, come on you guys we all have to be thinking the same thing!
What?
Look you two!
The guy that we should be focused on is Ramone Santiago!
Toddy told me he was obsessed with J-Cub.
Yes, he sent him all sorts of threatening phone calls and emails.
He's got a huge temper and he's really jealous
and J-Cub was actually frightened of him.
What should we do?
Well, I've actually been thinking about that, okay.
Because one time I had a walk-on role in an indie feature.
Where I took the time, as an actor, to prepare a backstory for my character.
I named him Marvin and he was a crack addict with OCD.
And he lost his house in foreclosure.
Get to the point, Nelson!
Anyway, To prepare for the role
I actually went down and spent the night, down on skid row.
And came dangerously close to injecting a heroin speed ball with a hooker…
Still not getting to the point, Nelson!
My point is
we should go undercover at the Eagle.
Try to get some clues about the murder.
That's a great idea! You know what we can do?
We could act like customers
And order beers and hit on guys and stuff.
We do that every weekend!
Okay, here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna go in the house and come up with our covers!
Our character bios!
And our inner monologues!
I love this stuff!
Oh, good the plumbers here.
I didn't know there was a problem with the plumbing.
There isn't.
Hey Sergei!
So, will I see you next week?
Of course, Papi.
Wood, I told you.
Juan doesn't like you doing his job for him while he's taking his break.
I had to to do something to drown out the sound.
Have you seen Nelson this morning?
No, he was gone before I got up.
Well, we need to sit him down and give him the facts.
That Todd is way more involved in this murder than he is willing to admit.
He's never going to believe us.
Look, I know I come down hard on Nelson, sometimes but he's not delusional.
Sooner or later he's going to come to his senses.
Really, at his core, Nelson is a very serious person.
What?!
So, where were you, an audition?
No, Wood, actually I was at Von's.
I always do our weekly grocery shopping dressed as a circus clown.
Of course, I was in an audition you idiot!
Oh, how did it go?
Horribly. Yeah, I finally got in on that John Wayne Gacy bio pic.
I mean, it's the role of a lifetime.
But, because of you two. I blew it.
How is your bad acting, our fault.
I am not a bad actor.
But today, I kind of was
because last night I didn't get to have sex with my life partner.
Oh, now he's your life partner. Oh my God, it's been less than a week!
I've had blowjobs that lasted longer!
Your insistence that I questioned him, again, ruined our entire dinner.
So today, that's all I could think about.
I prepared for hours for this audition.
I practice stabbing. Kidnapping. I even practiced digging underneath the house.
And you know I hate manual labor.
But I went into the audition and I mangled it.
That's what you say about every audition.
Anyway, here's what I was supposed to do.
It was just suppose to be one line, okay? One line!
It's the part where, you know, Gacy's dressed up as Pogo the Clown.
And goes to a kid's birthday party
and he turns, I was suppose to turn towards camera
and be really menacing and creepy.
Menacing and creepy that you with the Eagle every Friday night.
Yeah, that's right in your wheel house.
Here's what I was suppose to do.
Hi kids!
Come closer!
It's me!
Pogo!
ooohh, Awe...
But I couldn't even remember the line
because of last night's date debacle!
Okay you know what,
I wish you guys could just let this whole Todd's a killer thing go.
I wish we could too, Nelson, but Wood and I are dealing in reality.
Let's play connect the dots.
No, no. I don't think we should play games right now.
I think we should focus on this case.
Duley noted.
Okay, we know that J-Cub was poisoned at our party.
We know that he didn't have anything to eat he just had something to drink.
We know that Hot Toddy was the bartender
and we know you told him we found J-Cubs Martini glass.
and then somebody broke into our house looking for it!
Okay, come on you guys we all have to be thinking the same thing!
What?
Look you two!
The guy that we should be focused on is Ramone Santiago!
Toddy told me he was obsessed with J-Cub.
Yes, he sent him all sorts of threatening phone calls and emails.
He's got a huge temper and he's really jealous
and J-Cub was actually frightened of him.
What should we do?
Well, I've actually been thinking about that, okay.
Because one time I had a walk-on role in an indie feature.
Where I took the time, as an actor, to prepare a backstory for my character.
I named him Marvin and he was a crack addict with OCD.
And he lost his house in foreclosure.
Get to the point, Nelson!
Anyway, To prepare for the role
I actually went down and spent the night, down on skid row.
And came dangerously close to injecting a heroin speed ball with a hooker…
Still not getting to the point, Nelson!
My point is
we should go undercover at the Eagle.
Try to get some clues about the murder.
That's a great idea! You know what we can do?
We could act like customers
And order beers and hit on guys and stuff.
We do that every weekend!
Okay, here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna go in the house and come up with our covers!
Our character bios!
And our inner monologues!
I love this stuff!
Oh, good the plumbers here.
I didn't know there was a problem with the plumbing.
There isn't.
Hey Sergei!