Where Do You Live? (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Episode #2.7 - full transcript
I got you gigs 3 months in advance.
After all your stories
I was sure that Samarkand is made of gold.
What do you have against Samarkand?
You bring honor to our community.
I've never been to therapy.
-There's always a first time.
I have your mom to thank.
My mom?
-Yes. She encouraged me to talk about it.
What right do you have to butt in
between me and Mali, huh?
I won't let you ruin this
like you did with my exes.
So you're going to keep seeing her?
Now that I found her
I'm not going to give her up.
Then marry her and that's it.
You can shoot my CD cover.
She won't let me in my house,
but dude can shoot her CD cover.
You have trust issues.
You don't trust her,
she doesn't trust you.
First regain her trust,
then mold her as you will.
"Hai, Hai, Hai
(alive, alive, alive)
"Yes I'm still alive
"This is the song that grandfather sang to..."
Hello?
Hello? Hai Tov?
Hai Shem-Tov, yes.
Hai Tov,
this is Rivka Pinhasov.
Your mother's neighbor.
From Tel Kabir?
From Bukhara. -Ah.
I saw your show this week,
I enjoyed it very much.
Thank you. I...
It's my 60th birthday next Thursday.
Happy birthday.
I wanted to surprise myself
and invite you to perform.
Let me check my schedule.
What date is that?
The 15th.
15...
No, sorry, I'm already booked.
Forgive me, the 16th.
Ah, the 16th. Hold on.
No. No. I...
The 16th is booked too.
The whole month is booked.
Hai Shem, do something good.
What can I do?
You called too late,
but God willing,
maybe your 70th?
Okay, if there's any change,
let me know.
-Sure.
Sure. No problem.
And happy birthday again.
Thank you.
Another event?
Yes.
The whole neighborhood is talking about you.
I'm so proud of you.
Rachel, come in here.
Look at my son,
he's so successful.
He's like a falling star in the sky.
Yeah,
I can't walk down the street.
Once I was the son of Foto Abo.
Now I'm the brother of Hai.
It's boring around here.
Hai, I'm going to synagogue,
how about coming with me?
You're going through something,
it will strengthen you.
Honestly, Bekhor, if I could...
Thanks for asking,
but I have tons of work.
No way.
Maybe some other time.
Oh, my sons,
you're finally back
on the straight and narrow.
Good morning.
What?
What did I do now?
I'm just getting the camera
and going to a shoot.
With the prayer shawl?
Oh, this...
I was cold this morning, so...
Of course, you were cold
so you wore a prayer shawl.
Thank you.
For?
The cover.
Praise thee.
You really surprised me.
Praise God.
You didn't say "Praise He."
It's thanks to the rabbi in many ways.
He has many answers
to questions
I've asked myself all my life.
I'm so happy that you finally
found your inspiration.
It reminds me
of what I'm going through with...
my singing.
Praise thee.
Enough with the "praise thee."
Don't push so hard.
I see you're trying to change.
Cool.
Would you like...
to join us for dinner tonight?
Of course.
18:00?
-Sure.
Should I bring anything?
Just the prayer shawl.
It's going to be chilly tonight.
He's not only handsome,
he's funny too.
All the women ask me
if he's available.
On what date?
If he has a girlfriend...
Oh, he's taken.
Too bad.
I have a beautiful granddaughter.
Look at her
and you'll want to look at her again.
Beautiful, tall, upright.
Just the girl for him.
Don't say "no."
Rivka, didn't you hear me?
He's taken.
Taken.
But he hasn't seen her yet.
If he sees her,
he'll leave his girlfriend
and take my granddaughter.
I promise you.
Gorgeous.
Don't say "no."
Rivka, you're bothering me.
I invited him to my birthday
on June 16th,
he can see my granddaughter then.
Don't say "no,"
my granddaughter is beautiful.
What did he say?
He's booked.
On that date.
Then he's booked.
If he said he's booked, then he's booked.
He can perform for 20 minutes, big deal.
But he can't, he's booked.
But she's gorgeous,
you haven't seen her.
Look how gorgeous.
Beautiful, tall.
-Is this her?
Yes, it's her.
-Nice.
She's tall.
-Very beautiful.
And he's taken.
-Very beautiful.
Do me a favor, do her now,
I've had it.
I missed you, Ephraim,
I haven't seen you since school.
Not for me. I'm not eating.
You should, my dad made it.
It's that Mardochée
when men make "Ushpalo" (pilaf)
it comes out amazing.
When I cook
it usually comes out disgusting.
Listen, put the rice down.
Hai, you didn't come here to feed me.
Talk. What is it?
Nothing, everything's fine.
Gigs every day.
-Wonderful.
Standup.
No.
Theater?
No, not exactly.
Children's plays?
Gigs at Bukharan events.
I'm the Gal Gadot of the community.
Oy, Hai, Hai...
You told me to create
based on experience.
Yes, but that's not real acting.
Please.
Do you enjoy
chicken in pistachio in your face
when you perform?
It's more chicken with rice.
Sometimes humus too.
I get what you mean,
but the money's good, Ephraim.
Is it better to be a waiter like Ofer or...
a Christmas tree in a kid's play like Elad?
Create something of your own.
Take the tree and the waiter
and write your own show.
The bitterness is choking me.
I did write lots of material at school.
Maybe I can start with that.
You know what?
Take this number down.
Amikam.
053-7337473.
Who's he?
He's...
the director of "Tzavta" theater.
Tell him I sent you.
Are you sure you're alright?
I'm fine.
This is bitter.
I shouldn't eat bitter.
Mom?
What are you doing in my room?
I'm cleaning. It stinks in here.
You don't clean.
It causes disease.
The place is diseased.
What are you doing, more junk?
This is junk?
It's diamonds.
Diamonds? I wish you were in diamonds.
Like Lev Leviev.
What a righteous man,
he knows how to give.
I wish you were in diamonds like him.
Fine.
Mom, are you done cleaning in here?
Are you available on June 16th?
Rivka wants you to perform
at her 60th birthday.
Oh yeah, she called me.
No.
I can't. I'm booked.
Available.
I saw.
Why do you say you're booked?
What, you too good for us now?
Mom, lay off me, okay?
All the "Welcome 1st graders,"
"The baby in the cradle,"
it's all a load of crap.
That's what I took acting for?
-Yes.
To do those schticks?
"Schticks?"
Doing these events is doing schticks.
What's wrong with schticks?
Your father and brother performed
at events their whole lives.
Hey, pick your nose up a sec.
Did you do anything?
What?
Then lower it back down.
Your nose should be in the ground.
Ungrateful.
Aren't you ashamed?
Now you're earning good money
and this is how you talk?
Mom, money's not everything.
You're not my son.
No.
Listen,
I'll do all the gigs I committed to,
but I'm not booking new ones.
I have an amazing idea
and this is the way.
Even Ephraim said so.
Ephraim, what does he know?
He has no family, no children.
That's what counts?
If a person has family or not?
Yes.
And money.
Maybe he's the smart one
and we're the fools?
You think all Bukharans are yucky.
Are you available on the 18th?
You said the 16th.
16th.18th,
can you perform at Rivka's, yes or no?
Stop it!
Enough with Rivka already.
I don't want to,
what don't you get?
You want me to perform for Bukharans?
Find me a normal gig
with a normal stage and lighting
and an audience that wants to see me
instead of stuffing their faces with 'mantu.'
What's wrong with that?
Don't you like 'mantu'?
I like 'mantu,'
everyone likes 'mantu.'
Now you're dissing 'mantu?'
But if you want to perform on stage,
with curtains going up and down
and tickets, I'll arrange it for you.
If I do, will you perform?
-How?
How will you arrange it?
-Don't you worry.
Fine.
Do we have a deal?
-We have a deal.
You arrange it, we have a deal.
Let's shake on it.
Now you clean.
Good luck.
Daddy!
Kiss to Dad.
I brought you presents,
tons and tons of presents
for my dear kids.
Yes!
This is for you.
Kiss to Daddy.
This is for you, my love.
Kiss.
-Yes! Tattoos!
Yay! Power Rangers!
Mom, come see. -Mom.
-Mommy. -Come see.
How are things at school?
-Fun. -Yeah?
You have nice friends?
What a pretty braid.
Who did it for you?
Mommy.
-Mommy?
Show me.
How's school, sweetheart?
-Look.
He got me tattoos.
-Wow, wow, wow.
A pony tattoo!
So cool. Way to go, Daddy.
Bro, I missed you.
I did too.
I meant the gujgeja (Bukhari dish).
You jerk.
Listen, bro, you're the bomb.
I see your face
and I start laughing.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You want to tell us
what that was about?
Hai is Mel Gibson.
Yeah, something like that.
What's going on with you, Elad?
Me? You know...
I bought a cat.
And that's it.
What about you?
I moved back in with my folks.
Are you Hai Shem-Tov
from Yarin's haircutting ceremony?
Can I get a selfie?
Thanks, man.
-Sure thing.
Okay, Hai,
you bring us to Samarkand
to show us you're a celeb?
No, I'm just doing some gigs
to make a buck.
I'm not like you,
I wasn't raised to be a Christmas tree.
A great Christmas tree.
Okay, down to business.
I realized that being an actor these days
is not enough.
In order to work,
you have to create your own material.
If you don't want to live out your lives
as plants,
listen to what I'm saying.
We three are going to be
the next big thing.
We'll do hilarious theatrical skits
a la "Odd Birdz."
Look at him, big shot.
"Odd Birdz."
Listen, getting up one day
and deciding I'm Robert De Niro
doesn't make me Robert De Niro.
That's where you're wrong, bro.
If you don't set a goal
and do whatever you can
to make it happen,
no one will do it for you.
Look.
I have tons of skits I wrote in school.
All you have to do is choose.
It was Ephraim's idea
and I tapped into the potential.
But will you have the time
with your Bukharan gigs?
Dude, I'll make the time.
I'll even book us a theater,
consider it done.
Just tell me you're in.
I'm in.
But only if the rehearsals include
Bukharan food.
You got it.
First of all, I have to change
the kitty litter,
then I'm in.
Can I have your autograph?
Of course.
Okay...
George Cloonov.
Kids, Bekhor, supper's ready.
Wash your hands first.
Bekhor, turn off the PlayStation.
What a good smell.
My, my, my,
bless your heart.
What a smell.
Children,
there is nothing like
your mother's schnitzel.
Enjoy, Bekhor.
Make sure they brush their teeth
before bedtime. -Sure.
And no TV, okay?
Don't cave.
You're not eating with us?
No, I'm being picked up in a minute.
I'm singing tonight.
You didn't say...
You didn't say a word.
Good luck.
Thank you.
Bye, sweethearts.
-Bye, Mommy.
Fries?
Bye.
-Bye, Mommy.
Break a leg.
-Good night. -Bye bye.
Guy!
It's 19:00.
Did I wake you?
Of course not.
I don't go to bed before 20:00.
Lettin' your hair down.
Did I lose some more?
What? No, no.
Never mind.
Is Mali home?
-Of course.
Come on in.
I'll get us some tea.
Sit.
Where have you been?
We haven't seen you lately.
Yes, I...
I'm working a lot.
You don't go to work together,
don't come back from work together.
What's going on?
-Is Mali in her room?
She's in the shower.
If you're having second thoughts,
tell me now.
What?
You're becoming more distant.
If you don't want to marry Mali,
you can tell me now
because I...
I have to know
so she doesn't get hurt.
I want to, very much.
If you don't tell me,
I'll tell her the elevator was out of order
and you fell into the shaft
and died.
Abu, I don't have...
any doubts about Mali.
I just hope
she has no doubts about me.
I know my child.
Mali has no doubts.
If she loves,
she loves to the end.
I just hope I didn't ruin it
because I'd never forgive myself.
I hope so too.
Drink your tea.
I gave it a lot of thought.
If it will help,
you can see my mom
as much as you want.
You have my permission.
No, no,
"permission" is a heavy word.
Do whatever you want.
I have no problem with it.
I do, on the whole,
but if it does you good,
then I don't have a problem with it.
Shoot, I'm so not good at this.
Please, Mali,
I'm begging you,
don't leave me.
I love you.
Shut up.
Breathe.
You're way off base.
Girls today have to go through
so much crap
until they find the right guy, if ever,
and I had to go through a little crap
to find you.
What else does a girl have to say
to get a kiss?
Hi. -Hi.
It's okay,
you don't have to hide the Psalms.
It's kinda cute.
Then I can leave you the book if you want.
Thanks.
Maybe it will help
if I can't fall asleep at night.
How did it go?
Very well.
-That's great.
Okay, I'm off.
My mom must be worried.
Yes.
Bye.
Bekhor.
You can stay tonight if you want.
On the couch.
Oh, sure.
Praise be the Lord.
Rabbi.
I see you're up early.
-Good morning.
Praise God.
It is good to thank God
and to sing praises unto Thy name.
Good for you, righteous man.
Rabbi,
Margo let me sleep at home last night.
Thank God. Thank you.
You had a hand in this.
Thank God, thank God.
How can I thank you, Rabbi?
No.
Your domestic peace is my thanks.
Righteous man.
But if you really insist,
you can make a donation.
Not to me, God forbid,
to the synagogue.
The toilet needs some renovating.
It's impossible to sit on the bowl,
it's coming apart.
You know,
you have to squat...
I saw, I saw.
-Yes.
Don't worry, I'm on it.
It's hard for the elderly.
-Of course.
I'll take care of it.
I'll even install a bidet,
it's good for the elderly.
A bidet? -Yes.
You're so kind.
Take care.
-Take care, Rabbi.
I can look into it.
Hello, Amikam.
Listen, someone just came in, so...
Alright.
That's the price,
I'm not the Salvation Army.
Have a good day.
Yes?
Hi, Amikam, I'm Hai Shem-Tov.
Ephraim sent me.
Wow, Ephraim.
He doesn't send just anyone.
What's special about you?
About us.
We're an ensemble of guys,
"Odd Birdz" style.
Wow, innovative.
May I?
Sure, sit down.
So, June 28th, "Tzavta,"
the big theater, is that good?
The big theater?
Is that good?
That's amazing.
Thanks.
But...
it's a bit too soon,
but we can do it.
We can make it later.
-No, no, no.
No need.
We'll work hard
and you won't regret
giving us this opportunity.
I really appreciate it. Thanks.
I think you might be a bit confused.
Why? What?
You think you're Dorothy
and I'm the Wizard of Oz.
What?
It's 6.000 shekels.
How are you paying?
How much in advance?
Amikam,
Ephraim sent me.
Ephraim, Zipi,
Tamira, Noam, Omri,
(theater directors)
people get sent here all the time, bub,
this is FedEx.
So 6.000 after a discount?
How about the little theater?
I don't recommend it.
No discount, it's the same price,
but a rehearsal room
is 300 per hour
and because it's Ephraim,
I'll give it to you for free.
Thank you.
When the room's available.
When the stage is available, it's yours.
This month it's booked.
That's 2.500 for lighting,
1.500 for sound
and if the ticket sales are on us,
that's 70-30 off the net.
Shall I write up a contract?
Yes.
Good for me.
Great.
Good luck, Hai.
Thank you.
-Good man.
Yes?
You got a minute?
Dani, come in.
How's it going?
-Fine.
Listen, people complained
about the whore jokes.
Say "Congrats."
What?
We have a date for the show.
Oh yeah.
-Congrats. -Congrats.
Write this in your schedules -
June 28th.
So.
It includes sound, lighting,
profits are 70-30,
total 10.000 shekels,
each of you has to cough up 3.300.
Huh?
What?
Fuck...
Hai,
the only times I've eaten this week
have been with you.
Where we gonna get 3.500?
And I have 600 until the end of the month
and the screen broke,
so I don't have even that.
What are you doing, Ofer?
Dinner for tomorrow.
How about tonight?
I ate already.
Hai, the girl came out of the clam.
That thing with the grandma is up next.
Give me a minute,
I'll be ready in a minute.
"Hai, Hai, Hai
"Yes I'm still alive..."
Hello?
Hai. -Yes.
I swear, you're a lucky man.
I was just thinking about you.
We have open mic night in 2 days
and someone cancelled.
He got this part playing barley.
Are you guys in?
Sure, sure.
Wait, how much will it cost us?
-Nothing. Are you free?
No added fees for a smoke machine...?
Nope.
But you are getting on my nerves.
I'm sorry.
We'll be there.
Great.
Don't bail on me, huh?
No.
We don't do that, don't worry.
Great.
You'll get a call about the schedule.
Thanks, Amikam,
you won't be sorry.
You won't be sorry.
Please give it up for Hai Shem-Tov
as Apa Hussni.
Here.
This is my son.
Here, this is my mother.
How are you, Israel?
What brings you here?
Or should I say, who?
This is beautiful,
what a loving relationship
between mother and son.
Listen, you have a special mother.
You hear that?
-Yes. Special.
You're leaving in 5 minutes,
what do you care?
What?
And you're staying with her forever.
That's funny, Hai.
Israel came to ask you to perform
at the annual Bukhara convention.
There won't be food.
Only chairs and people.
At the culture center.
Hai, people are talking about you.
They say you're talented, funny.
Finally someone who imitates Bukharans.
That's not all I do.
I do skits as well.
I'm working with two friends
on a show together.
Then do Arik Sharon.
Yes, do Arik Sharon.
-No, no.
Come on, Arik Sharon.
-No.
Arik Sharon
-Do it. -A taste.
No, Mom. Stay out of it.
My love.
-Stop it.
Do Arik Sharon for your mother.
-No...
Israel came especially to see you.
Mom, I'm not doing Arik Sharon.
That's so funny.
Again.
You're going to be our headliner.
Write it down, July 7th.
Rachel, did you hear that?
I'm not home.
July 7th, Hai is yours.
Thank you, really,
but I'm not sure I can.
What do you mean?
We'll cancel any other event.
No, it's not about that,
I'm working on another show.
Fine, fine, fine.
Here we go.
Just like a true blue Bukharan.
Listen, Hai,
we don't usually pay performers
for these shows,
it's voluntary, it's an honor.
I'll give you 1.000 shekels.
No, friend, it's not about the money.
You're a tough cookie.
2.000, alright?
10.000 and we can talk.
You're bleeding me dry.
I'll give you 10.000 shekels.
Are you serious?
It's the organization's 25th anniversary.
If the Yemenite singer charges 100.000,
10.000 for you is peanuts.
This is...
How do you even have those sums?
Donations.
Cheers. -Cheers.
Why didn't you ask for 20.000?
Who is it?
Hello.
Can you donate
to kids who have chafen...?
To what?
Sick kids, poor things.
They have chafen...
What do they have?
Chafen...
What?
Thorotos doten...
How much can I donate?
20, 30, 40 shekels.
Any amount is welcome.
Not funny.
It doesn't work.
-I know. -Did you laugh?
It's not funny.
-It doesn't work?
It's not funny. Let's do...
Let's look for a character...
A Bukharan. Bear with me.
Bukharan?
-Please listen.
A Bukharan is chilling at home,
all of a sudden,
this guy comes knocking.
It'll be funny.
Come in again.
Who's there?
Who is it?
Hello, Sir.
Can you donate
to kids who have chafen...?
Donate?
There's no such word in Bukharan.
That's...
totally weird, bro.
This isn't an Akilov baby shower,
this is a major theater show.
There won't be any Bukharans,
no one will get it.
Okay, whatever.
No, but you're right,
we do need a character.
Do...
Do the... old Ashkenazi guy.
You remember...
Yiddish...
You know?
You did him in...
-Year one? -Yeah.
The audience will be able to relate.
Maybe...
-Okay.
Do him.
You know what I mean...
Who is it?
Hello, Sir.
Can you donate
to kids who have chafen...?
To what?
Sick kids, poor things.
They have chafen doten...
What do they have?
Chafen...
Chafing?
Chafen!
Huh?
What's the difference, Sir?
They're kids and they're sick.
Won't you donate?
For medicine.
The trio is cute.
Yeah, they are.
Excellent.
Thank you Hai, Ofer and Elad.
And now, Dennis the Menace.
Next stop, Broadway, guys.
Listen, you guys surprised me.
That was killer.
The audience loved you.
-The audience... -Thanks.
Seven people.
What is it, dude?
People got dressed,
got a babysitter, came here.
That's how it starts.
What did I say?
I talked to my staff.
Next month...
we're having this reveal
for the entire industry.
I want you.
What?
Good?
-Wow. Yes.
I dunno. You?
Is it good for you?
I think it's good.
-Yeah. Sure. Thanks.
When's the event?
July 7th. Write it down?
-No.
I'm free.
-Great.
Seriously now, was it good?
About the Ashkenazi guy,
it's not that it doesn't work,
we just have to refine it,
maybe less old guy.
We'll think about it.
We have time until the 7th...
Ephraim?
May I?
The door was open.
Ephraim.
Ephraim.
Ephraim.
Ephraim.
Ephraim.
Ambulance dispatch.
After all your stories
I was sure that Samarkand is made of gold.
What do you have against Samarkand?
You bring honor to our community.
I've never been to therapy.
-There's always a first time.
I have your mom to thank.
My mom?
-Yes. She encouraged me to talk about it.
What right do you have to butt in
between me and Mali, huh?
I won't let you ruin this
like you did with my exes.
So you're going to keep seeing her?
Now that I found her
I'm not going to give her up.
Then marry her and that's it.
You can shoot my CD cover.
She won't let me in my house,
but dude can shoot her CD cover.
You have trust issues.
You don't trust her,
she doesn't trust you.
First regain her trust,
then mold her as you will.
"Hai, Hai, Hai
(alive, alive, alive)
"Yes I'm still alive
"This is the song that grandfather sang to..."
Hello?
Hello? Hai Tov?
Hai Shem-Tov, yes.
Hai Tov,
this is Rivka Pinhasov.
Your mother's neighbor.
From Tel Kabir?
From Bukhara. -Ah.
I saw your show this week,
I enjoyed it very much.
Thank you. I...
It's my 60th birthday next Thursday.
Happy birthday.
I wanted to surprise myself
and invite you to perform.
Let me check my schedule.
What date is that?
The 15th.
15...
No, sorry, I'm already booked.
Forgive me, the 16th.
Ah, the 16th. Hold on.
No. No. I...
The 16th is booked too.
The whole month is booked.
Hai Shem, do something good.
What can I do?
You called too late,
but God willing,
maybe your 70th?
Okay, if there's any change,
let me know.
-Sure.
Sure. No problem.
And happy birthday again.
Thank you.
Another event?
Yes.
The whole neighborhood is talking about you.
I'm so proud of you.
Rachel, come in here.
Look at my son,
he's so successful.
He's like a falling star in the sky.
Yeah,
I can't walk down the street.
Once I was the son of Foto Abo.
Now I'm the brother of Hai.
It's boring around here.
Hai, I'm going to synagogue,
how about coming with me?
You're going through something,
it will strengthen you.
Honestly, Bekhor, if I could...
Thanks for asking,
but I have tons of work.
No way.
Maybe some other time.
Oh, my sons,
you're finally back
on the straight and narrow.
Good morning.
What?
What did I do now?
I'm just getting the camera
and going to a shoot.
With the prayer shawl?
Oh, this...
I was cold this morning, so...
Of course, you were cold
so you wore a prayer shawl.
Thank you.
For?
The cover.
Praise thee.
You really surprised me.
Praise God.
You didn't say "Praise He."
It's thanks to the rabbi in many ways.
He has many answers
to questions
I've asked myself all my life.
I'm so happy that you finally
found your inspiration.
It reminds me
of what I'm going through with...
my singing.
Praise thee.
Enough with the "praise thee."
Don't push so hard.
I see you're trying to change.
Cool.
Would you like...
to join us for dinner tonight?
Of course.
18:00?
-Sure.
Should I bring anything?
Just the prayer shawl.
It's going to be chilly tonight.
He's not only handsome,
he's funny too.
All the women ask me
if he's available.
On what date?
If he has a girlfriend...
Oh, he's taken.
Too bad.
I have a beautiful granddaughter.
Look at her
and you'll want to look at her again.
Beautiful, tall, upright.
Just the girl for him.
Don't say "no."
Rivka, didn't you hear me?
He's taken.
Taken.
But he hasn't seen her yet.
If he sees her,
he'll leave his girlfriend
and take my granddaughter.
I promise you.
Gorgeous.
Don't say "no."
Rivka, you're bothering me.
I invited him to my birthday
on June 16th,
he can see my granddaughter then.
Don't say "no,"
my granddaughter is beautiful.
What did he say?
He's booked.
On that date.
Then he's booked.
If he said he's booked, then he's booked.
He can perform for 20 minutes, big deal.
But he can't, he's booked.
But she's gorgeous,
you haven't seen her.
Look how gorgeous.
Beautiful, tall.
-Is this her?
Yes, it's her.
-Nice.
She's tall.
-Very beautiful.
And he's taken.
-Very beautiful.
Do me a favor, do her now,
I've had it.
I missed you, Ephraim,
I haven't seen you since school.
Not for me. I'm not eating.
You should, my dad made it.
It's that Mardochée
when men make "Ushpalo" (pilaf)
it comes out amazing.
When I cook
it usually comes out disgusting.
Listen, put the rice down.
Hai, you didn't come here to feed me.
Talk. What is it?
Nothing, everything's fine.
Gigs every day.
-Wonderful.
Standup.
No.
Theater?
No, not exactly.
Children's plays?
Gigs at Bukharan events.
I'm the Gal Gadot of the community.
Oy, Hai, Hai...
You told me to create
based on experience.
Yes, but that's not real acting.
Please.
Do you enjoy
chicken in pistachio in your face
when you perform?
It's more chicken with rice.
Sometimes humus too.
I get what you mean,
but the money's good, Ephraim.
Is it better to be a waiter like Ofer or...
a Christmas tree in a kid's play like Elad?
Create something of your own.
Take the tree and the waiter
and write your own show.
The bitterness is choking me.
I did write lots of material at school.
Maybe I can start with that.
You know what?
Take this number down.
Amikam.
053-7337473.
Who's he?
He's...
the director of "Tzavta" theater.
Tell him I sent you.
Are you sure you're alright?
I'm fine.
This is bitter.
I shouldn't eat bitter.
Mom?
What are you doing in my room?
I'm cleaning. It stinks in here.
You don't clean.
It causes disease.
The place is diseased.
What are you doing, more junk?
This is junk?
It's diamonds.
Diamonds? I wish you were in diamonds.
Like Lev Leviev.
What a righteous man,
he knows how to give.
I wish you were in diamonds like him.
Fine.
Mom, are you done cleaning in here?
Are you available on June 16th?
Rivka wants you to perform
at her 60th birthday.
Oh yeah, she called me.
No.
I can't. I'm booked.
Available.
I saw.
Why do you say you're booked?
What, you too good for us now?
Mom, lay off me, okay?
All the "Welcome 1st graders,"
"The baby in the cradle,"
it's all a load of crap.
That's what I took acting for?
-Yes.
To do those schticks?
"Schticks?"
Doing these events is doing schticks.
What's wrong with schticks?
Your father and brother performed
at events their whole lives.
Hey, pick your nose up a sec.
Did you do anything?
What?
Then lower it back down.
Your nose should be in the ground.
Ungrateful.
Aren't you ashamed?
Now you're earning good money
and this is how you talk?
Mom, money's not everything.
You're not my son.
No.
Listen,
I'll do all the gigs I committed to,
but I'm not booking new ones.
I have an amazing idea
and this is the way.
Even Ephraim said so.
Ephraim, what does he know?
He has no family, no children.
That's what counts?
If a person has family or not?
Yes.
And money.
Maybe he's the smart one
and we're the fools?
You think all Bukharans are yucky.
Are you available on the 18th?
You said the 16th.
16th.18th,
can you perform at Rivka's, yes or no?
Stop it!
Enough with Rivka already.
I don't want to,
what don't you get?
You want me to perform for Bukharans?
Find me a normal gig
with a normal stage and lighting
and an audience that wants to see me
instead of stuffing their faces with 'mantu.'
What's wrong with that?
Don't you like 'mantu'?
I like 'mantu,'
everyone likes 'mantu.'
Now you're dissing 'mantu?'
But if you want to perform on stage,
with curtains going up and down
and tickets, I'll arrange it for you.
If I do, will you perform?
-How?
How will you arrange it?
-Don't you worry.
Fine.
Do we have a deal?
-We have a deal.
You arrange it, we have a deal.
Let's shake on it.
Now you clean.
Good luck.
Daddy!
Kiss to Dad.
I brought you presents,
tons and tons of presents
for my dear kids.
Yes!
This is for you.
Kiss to Daddy.
This is for you, my love.
Kiss.
-Yes! Tattoos!
Yay! Power Rangers!
Mom, come see. -Mom.
-Mommy. -Come see.
How are things at school?
-Fun. -Yeah?
You have nice friends?
What a pretty braid.
Who did it for you?
Mommy.
-Mommy?
Show me.
How's school, sweetheart?
-Look.
He got me tattoos.
-Wow, wow, wow.
A pony tattoo!
So cool. Way to go, Daddy.
Bro, I missed you.
I did too.
I meant the gujgeja (Bukhari dish).
You jerk.
Listen, bro, you're the bomb.
I see your face
and I start laughing.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You want to tell us
what that was about?
Hai is Mel Gibson.
Yeah, something like that.
What's going on with you, Elad?
Me? You know...
I bought a cat.
And that's it.
What about you?
I moved back in with my folks.
Are you Hai Shem-Tov
from Yarin's haircutting ceremony?
Can I get a selfie?
Thanks, man.
-Sure thing.
Okay, Hai,
you bring us to Samarkand
to show us you're a celeb?
No, I'm just doing some gigs
to make a buck.
I'm not like you,
I wasn't raised to be a Christmas tree.
A great Christmas tree.
Okay, down to business.
I realized that being an actor these days
is not enough.
In order to work,
you have to create your own material.
If you don't want to live out your lives
as plants,
listen to what I'm saying.
We three are going to be
the next big thing.
We'll do hilarious theatrical skits
a la "Odd Birdz."
Look at him, big shot.
"Odd Birdz."
Listen, getting up one day
and deciding I'm Robert De Niro
doesn't make me Robert De Niro.
That's where you're wrong, bro.
If you don't set a goal
and do whatever you can
to make it happen,
no one will do it for you.
Look.
I have tons of skits I wrote in school.
All you have to do is choose.
It was Ephraim's idea
and I tapped into the potential.
But will you have the time
with your Bukharan gigs?
Dude, I'll make the time.
I'll even book us a theater,
consider it done.
Just tell me you're in.
I'm in.
But only if the rehearsals include
Bukharan food.
You got it.
First of all, I have to change
the kitty litter,
then I'm in.
Can I have your autograph?
Of course.
Okay...
George Cloonov.
Kids, Bekhor, supper's ready.
Wash your hands first.
Bekhor, turn off the PlayStation.
What a good smell.
My, my, my,
bless your heart.
What a smell.
Children,
there is nothing like
your mother's schnitzel.
Enjoy, Bekhor.
Make sure they brush their teeth
before bedtime. -Sure.
And no TV, okay?
Don't cave.
You're not eating with us?
No, I'm being picked up in a minute.
I'm singing tonight.
You didn't say...
You didn't say a word.
Good luck.
Thank you.
Bye, sweethearts.
-Bye, Mommy.
Fries?
Bye.
-Bye, Mommy.
Break a leg.
-Good night. -Bye bye.
Guy!
It's 19:00.
Did I wake you?
Of course not.
I don't go to bed before 20:00.
Lettin' your hair down.
Did I lose some more?
What? No, no.
Never mind.
Is Mali home?
-Of course.
Come on in.
I'll get us some tea.
Sit.
Where have you been?
We haven't seen you lately.
Yes, I...
I'm working a lot.
You don't go to work together,
don't come back from work together.
What's going on?
-Is Mali in her room?
She's in the shower.
If you're having second thoughts,
tell me now.
What?
You're becoming more distant.
If you don't want to marry Mali,
you can tell me now
because I...
I have to know
so she doesn't get hurt.
I want to, very much.
If you don't tell me,
I'll tell her the elevator was out of order
and you fell into the shaft
and died.
Abu, I don't have...
any doubts about Mali.
I just hope
she has no doubts about me.
I know my child.
Mali has no doubts.
If she loves,
she loves to the end.
I just hope I didn't ruin it
because I'd never forgive myself.
I hope so too.
Drink your tea.
I gave it a lot of thought.
If it will help,
you can see my mom
as much as you want.
You have my permission.
No, no,
"permission" is a heavy word.
Do whatever you want.
I have no problem with it.
I do, on the whole,
but if it does you good,
then I don't have a problem with it.
Shoot, I'm so not good at this.
Please, Mali,
I'm begging you,
don't leave me.
I love you.
Shut up.
Breathe.
You're way off base.
Girls today have to go through
so much crap
until they find the right guy, if ever,
and I had to go through a little crap
to find you.
What else does a girl have to say
to get a kiss?
Hi. -Hi.
It's okay,
you don't have to hide the Psalms.
It's kinda cute.
Then I can leave you the book if you want.
Thanks.
Maybe it will help
if I can't fall asleep at night.
How did it go?
Very well.
-That's great.
Okay, I'm off.
My mom must be worried.
Yes.
Bye.
Bekhor.
You can stay tonight if you want.
On the couch.
Oh, sure.
Praise be the Lord.
Rabbi.
I see you're up early.
-Good morning.
Praise God.
It is good to thank God
and to sing praises unto Thy name.
Good for you, righteous man.
Rabbi,
Margo let me sleep at home last night.
Thank God. Thank you.
You had a hand in this.
Thank God, thank God.
How can I thank you, Rabbi?
No.
Your domestic peace is my thanks.
Righteous man.
But if you really insist,
you can make a donation.
Not to me, God forbid,
to the synagogue.
The toilet needs some renovating.
It's impossible to sit on the bowl,
it's coming apart.
You know,
you have to squat...
I saw, I saw.
-Yes.
Don't worry, I'm on it.
It's hard for the elderly.
-Of course.
I'll take care of it.
I'll even install a bidet,
it's good for the elderly.
A bidet? -Yes.
You're so kind.
Take care.
-Take care, Rabbi.
I can look into it.
Hello, Amikam.
Listen, someone just came in, so...
Alright.
That's the price,
I'm not the Salvation Army.
Have a good day.
Yes?
Hi, Amikam, I'm Hai Shem-Tov.
Ephraim sent me.
Wow, Ephraim.
He doesn't send just anyone.
What's special about you?
About us.
We're an ensemble of guys,
"Odd Birdz" style.
Wow, innovative.
May I?
Sure, sit down.
So, June 28th, "Tzavta,"
the big theater, is that good?
The big theater?
Is that good?
That's amazing.
Thanks.
But...
it's a bit too soon,
but we can do it.
We can make it later.
-No, no, no.
No need.
We'll work hard
and you won't regret
giving us this opportunity.
I really appreciate it. Thanks.
I think you might be a bit confused.
Why? What?
You think you're Dorothy
and I'm the Wizard of Oz.
What?
It's 6.000 shekels.
How are you paying?
How much in advance?
Amikam,
Ephraim sent me.
Ephraim, Zipi,
Tamira, Noam, Omri,
(theater directors)
people get sent here all the time, bub,
this is FedEx.
So 6.000 after a discount?
How about the little theater?
I don't recommend it.
No discount, it's the same price,
but a rehearsal room
is 300 per hour
and because it's Ephraim,
I'll give it to you for free.
Thank you.
When the room's available.
When the stage is available, it's yours.
This month it's booked.
That's 2.500 for lighting,
1.500 for sound
and if the ticket sales are on us,
that's 70-30 off the net.
Shall I write up a contract?
Yes.
Good for me.
Great.
Good luck, Hai.
Thank you.
-Good man.
Yes?
You got a minute?
Dani, come in.
How's it going?
-Fine.
Listen, people complained
about the whore jokes.
Say "Congrats."
What?
We have a date for the show.
Oh yeah.
-Congrats. -Congrats.
Write this in your schedules -
June 28th.
So.
It includes sound, lighting,
profits are 70-30,
total 10.000 shekels,
each of you has to cough up 3.300.
Huh?
What?
Fuck...
Hai,
the only times I've eaten this week
have been with you.
Where we gonna get 3.500?
And I have 600 until the end of the month
and the screen broke,
so I don't have even that.
What are you doing, Ofer?
Dinner for tomorrow.
How about tonight?
I ate already.
Hai, the girl came out of the clam.
That thing with the grandma is up next.
Give me a minute,
I'll be ready in a minute.
"Hai, Hai, Hai
"Yes I'm still alive..."
Hello?
Hai. -Yes.
I swear, you're a lucky man.
I was just thinking about you.
We have open mic night in 2 days
and someone cancelled.
He got this part playing barley.
Are you guys in?
Sure, sure.
Wait, how much will it cost us?
-Nothing. Are you free?
No added fees for a smoke machine...?
Nope.
But you are getting on my nerves.
I'm sorry.
We'll be there.
Great.
Don't bail on me, huh?
No.
We don't do that, don't worry.
Great.
You'll get a call about the schedule.
Thanks, Amikam,
you won't be sorry.
You won't be sorry.
Please give it up for Hai Shem-Tov
as Apa Hussni.
Here.
This is my son.
Here, this is my mother.
How are you, Israel?
What brings you here?
Or should I say, who?
This is beautiful,
what a loving relationship
between mother and son.
Listen, you have a special mother.
You hear that?
-Yes. Special.
You're leaving in 5 minutes,
what do you care?
What?
And you're staying with her forever.
That's funny, Hai.
Israel came to ask you to perform
at the annual Bukhara convention.
There won't be food.
Only chairs and people.
At the culture center.
Hai, people are talking about you.
They say you're talented, funny.
Finally someone who imitates Bukharans.
That's not all I do.
I do skits as well.
I'm working with two friends
on a show together.
Then do Arik Sharon.
Yes, do Arik Sharon.
-No, no.
Come on, Arik Sharon.
-No.
Arik Sharon
-Do it. -A taste.
No, Mom. Stay out of it.
My love.
-Stop it.
Do Arik Sharon for your mother.
-No...
Israel came especially to see you.
Mom, I'm not doing Arik Sharon.
That's so funny.
Again.
You're going to be our headliner.
Write it down, July 7th.
Rachel, did you hear that?
I'm not home.
July 7th, Hai is yours.
Thank you, really,
but I'm not sure I can.
What do you mean?
We'll cancel any other event.
No, it's not about that,
I'm working on another show.
Fine, fine, fine.
Here we go.
Just like a true blue Bukharan.
Listen, Hai,
we don't usually pay performers
for these shows,
it's voluntary, it's an honor.
I'll give you 1.000 shekels.
No, friend, it's not about the money.
You're a tough cookie.
2.000, alright?
10.000 and we can talk.
You're bleeding me dry.
I'll give you 10.000 shekels.
Are you serious?
It's the organization's 25th anniversary.
If the Yemenite singer charges 100.000,
10.000 for you is peanuts.
This is...
How do you even have those sums?
Donations.
Cheers. -Cheers.
Why didn't you ask for 20.000?
Who is it?
Hello.
Can you donate
to kids who have chafen...?
To what?
Sick kids, poor things.
They have chafen...
What do they have?
Chafen...
What?
Thorotos doten...
How much can I donate?
20, 30, 40 shekels.
Any amount is welcome.
Not funny.
It doesn't work.
-I know. -Did you laugh?
It's not funny.
-It doesn't work?
It's not funny. Let's do...
Let's look for a character...
A Bukharan. Bear with me.
Bukharan?
-Please listen.
A Bukharan is chilling at home,
all of a sudden,
this guy comes knocking.
It'll be funny.
Come in again.
Who's there?
Who is it?
Hello, Sir.
Can you donate
to kids who have chafen...?
Donate?
There's no such word in Bukharan.
That's...
totally weird, bro.
This isn't an Akilov baby shower,
this is a major theater show.
There won't be any Bukharans,
no one will get it.
Okay, whatever.
No, but you're right,
we do need a character.
Do...
Do the... old Ashkenazi guy.
You remember...
Yiddish...
You know?
You did him in...
-Year one? -Yeah.
The audience will be able to relate.
Maybe...
-Okay.
Do him.
You know what I mean...
Who is it?
Hello, Sir.
Can you donate
to kids who have chafen...?
To what?
Sick kids, poor things.
They have chafen doten...
What do they have?
Chafen...
Chafing?
Chafen!
Huh?
What's the difference, Sir?
They're kids and they're sick.
Won't you donate?
For medicine.
The trio is cute.
Yeah, they are.
Excellent.
Thank you Hai, Ofer and Elad.
And now, Dennis the Menace.
Next stop, Broadway, guys.
Listen, you guys surprised me.
That was killer.
The audience loved you.
-The audience... -Thanks.
Seven people.
What is it, dude?
People got dressed,
got a babysitter, came here.
That's how it starts.
What did I say?
I talked to my staff.
Next month...
we're having this reveal
for the entire industry.
I want you.
What?
Good?
-Wow. Yes.
I dunno. You?
Is it good for you?
I think it's good.
-Yeah. Sure. Thanks.
When's the event?
July 7th. Write it down?
-No.
I'm free.
-Great.
Seriously now, was it good?
About the Ashkenazi guy,
it's not that it doesn't work,
we just have to refine it,
maybe less old guy.
We'll think about it.
We have time until the 7th...
Ephraim?
May I?
The door was open.
Ephraim.
Ephraim.
Ephraim.
Ephraim.
Ephraim.
Ambulance dispatch.