Wellington Paranormal (2018–…): Season 4, Episode 3 - Bird Woman - full transcript
Today we're at a high school,
not to arrest anyone
but to encourage
a career in the police.
Mm. It may come as
a surprise to learn
that high school was not
a very nice time for me.
I was not very 'cool'. In fact,
I was so uncool, I was voted Most
Likely to Become a Police Officer.
- Mm. So was I.
- Hmm. Oh, when I say 'voted, '
I mean, the other kids would shout
it at me as I was walking to class...
'Cop!'
Yeah, so be that as it may,
it'd be nice to get in there
and talk to these young people
and be the cool ones for a change.
So, this is a baton.
It's one of the very few weapons
that the New Zealand Police
have at their disposal.
We use it for offence
and defence. Don't we?
- See that? Pretty cool.
- Yeah.
So anyway, in closing
and to reiterate...
you know, don't use drugs.
Oh! I'm all good. I'm all good.
Common sense is...
you know, it's a real buzz.
It's a real high,
and it's got real street value.
And to us, you're so much more
than just fingerprints or DNA
or other incriminating evidence.
I mean, you're actually a person...
a person of interest.
OK. Do we have any questions? Yes?
- How much money do you get?
- Uh...
- Can I have a go at your taser?
- Oh...
- No.
- No.
- Yes?
- How huge is your carbon footprint,
driving around all day in your
four-wheel jackboot of colonisation?
O'Leary, you wanna take that one?
Officer Minogue, do you
hear that altercation outside?
Ah, yep. That's go
for Sapphire and Steel.
- Logan, take it off!
- Yeah.
Minogue, there's actually
a commotion outside.
Oh, actually.
- Are you listening?!
- Cop!
Turn your ears on, Logan!
You know you're not allowed to
wear leather jackets at school!
You'll have to get
it off me, sucker!
- All right, fine.
- Altercation in progress.
I'm sure the principal's
got it under control.
Aargh!
I've
confiscated the jacket, sucker!
You know, I think you handled
that disturbance really well today.
Oh, thank you. I thought you did.
Oh, well, I just think it
was great teamwork yet again.
- Mm.
- You know,
it was a complex situation.
- We had student versus teacher.
- We did.
We had a student in
an unauthorised garment.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Followed by a teacher
wearing an unauthorised garment.
Followed by a teacher
in an unauthorised garment.
- Mm-hm.
- We've now confiscated the jacket.
- That's in our car.
- That... We've got that.
- Yeah. That's right.
- So problem solved.
Mm. Nice jacket too, just quietly.
- Nice jacket.
- Yeah.
- It's a really nice jacket.
- Mm.
I mean, that's just my personal
take, not an official police view.
Yeah, sure. Sure.
Can you keep your eyes
on the road, Minogue?
Oh yeah.
Everything's under control.
I've got two side mirrors,
and my senses are popping.
Just quite keen to, um,
try that jacket on.
Don't you think it would be
a little bit too cool for you?
- Eh?
- What?
Nah. Here; hold the
wheel, I'll show you.
Minogue! No! You're driving!
- Oh!
- What are you doing? Hold the wheel!
Sorry. Sorry.
That was impulsive. I don't know
what came over me there.
Yeah, well, what did come over you?
I mean, you can't put that on.
It's not police issue,
OK, for starters.
But if I put my police badge
on it, it'd be police issue.
You can't just put your badge on
things and call them police uniform.
You tried that with your jandals,
OK? Plus, you're driving...
half the time.
I'm not driving, though.
No, you said it's
not police uniform.
I'm not gonna wear it;
I'm just gonna try it on.
- I saw it first!
- Well, I'm just having a turn.
Well, can you not do it? It's
distracting. I'm trying to drive.
- Just concentrate on the wheel.
- Well, I am concentrating on that.
But while you're doing that,
it's hard to concentrate.
Plus you've taken your seatbelt off,
and that's not on. That's illegal.
Unbelievable.
Check it out.
- Does look pretty cool.
- Thank you. I know that.
It looks like it's made for me.
As we know, youth can be
a very difficult time for youth.
So we need some new ideas to
really reach out to the rangatahi.
Parker, you seem like a pretty hip,
cool kind of guy. Is that correct?
- Me, Sarge?
- Mm.
Oh, no. Far from it.
I mean, at school, I was voted
Most Likely to Become a Cop.
- Yeah.
- Same.
Yeah, well, so was I,
but they don't know me.
Actually, if you want
hip and cool, Sarge,
I don't think you can go
past musical handbells.
- Really? Tell me more.
- Um, me and my besties,
we get together, like,
and, um, we just play a...
Oh, well, look who decided
to grace us with their presence.
- Sorry, Sarge.
- Yeah, you know, sometimes, um,
operations out in the field,
they don't always run to a clock.
So just, you know...
just chill out, everyone.
Is that right? And what is
that you're wearing, O'Leary?
Take that off.
Sorry there, Parker. Please
extrapolate about these handbells.
I'm interested in learning
more about your culture.
- Yeah, basically, me and my crew...
- What are you doing? Leave it.
- ...or my band...
- Don't! Just...
...we're called the
Bellbottom Beauties,
and we've got 12 different bells,
and they're various sizes.
Now, the rule is you're not
allowed to turn them upside down;
you're meant to hold them up
as if it were an ice-cream cone.
So we each get
three different bells,
and they play different notes.
And we kind of focus
more on the, um...
Catch you suckers later.
This place is a little...
low-octane.
Uh, excuse me, Minogue.
Hey! Get back here!
You know what? I want a full report
on your insubordination, Minogue!
- I'll follow him.
- No. Don't do that.
I wanna follow him too,
when he looks like that.
No, Parker. Don't do that. Matter
of fact, no one else follow Minogue,
all right? That's a terrible
example to set for youth.
Yeah. I think it came from
a blue cow. It's hard to say.
Mm.
- Yeah.
- So, I'm just following Minogue,
um, first, to remind him
that he shouldn't be wearing
that unauthorised attire
and also that it's actually
my turn with the jacket.
Yeah, so I guess I'd describe
my personal style as...
- law-abiding rebel.
- I mean, he's just kind of
acting all cool, talking all cool.
Normally, he finds it very hard
to communicate with other people.
I mean, it's normally just me that
he talks to. It's not that helpful,
being in the police...
not being able to communicate.
Yeah, I guess I could
have been a bad boy,
but instead I'm a good boy,
who's still a bit of a bad boy.
Hey, Minogue,
it's my turn with the jacket.
- You've had a turn, O'Leary.
- I just wanna look in the mirror.
Ihaven't even had
a turn looking in the mirror.
- OK, well, I'm coming to get it.
- Good luck, O'Leary
- Oh!
- Ooh! Yeah! That's how you do it!
That's actually not
how you do it. In fact,
that's obstructing the police.
Minogue!
- Oh. Looking cool, Minogue.
- Yeah, whatever.
- Just 30 seconds, Minogue!
- How about no seconds, O'Leary?
Hmm.
It's over now, isn't it?
Game over.
Yeah.
Right. That's it.
No more wearing of that
cool jacket. All right?
You are wearing the most
stylish outfit in the world...
the New Zealand Police uniform.
Yeah. That's right, Minogue.
That's right.
And when you don't have
pride in your uniform,
you let the squad down, don't you?
Just... wearing that jacket
gave me a lot of confidence.
And I'm just, you know,
not used to that.
I understand, Minogue.
And thank you for sharing that.
You know, clothescan
give us a lot of confidence.
- Mm.
- And jackets like this one...
Oh, that's a very nice jacket.
It's a... It's a very nice jacket.
Hello. I want you.
But there's a real mana
in wearing the dark blue.
- Mm.
- Only if you respect it, though.
- Mm.
- Every morning, I get up,
and I put this uniform on.
I look at myself in the mirror,
and I salute myself.
- Whoa!
- That is how the...
- Ooh.
- Hey! It's gone, Sarge!
- Hey, who's in there?!
- It's gone.
O'Leary!
You are letting down the squad!
You're letting down
our squad, O'Leary!
Oh! Really can't
figure out the damn...
Oh. Hey. 'Oh, you need more
than one PIN number, ' they said.
Oh, great idea
I thought you just pulled it.
Yeah, you just pull it.
- It's not even connected.
- Oh God. O'Leary!
- Sucker!
- Continuing pursuit of O'Leary,
who is wearing
a non-regulation item of clothing
that she took from
the evidence room.
I'm gonna take the shortcut; you
guys go round. It's too dangerous.
- O'Leary!
- I'm out of here!
Too slow, sucker!
Officer O'Leary is
now throwing insults,
which is a form of verbal assault,
which is only verbal,
but it's still an assault.
O'Leary is running in quite
an effortless manner
and talking to me in a disrespectful
tone, considering she is my partner.
But I know that there is a fence
coming up round the corner,
and fences are like
kryptonite to her,
so I expect to be able
to apprehend her soon.
See you later, sucker!
You see that?
No, cos then you guys can't
get over. I know a shortcut.
Go that way. Go that way.
There are some really good ones
in there. I'd love to hear more,
but I'm pretty busy,
so probably gonna have to go.
Obviously, these guys,
they'll be coming with me.
They're making
a documentary about me.
I'm gonna reach down while she's
distracted, talking about herself.
I'm gonna grab the jacket,
- cos this craziness has gotta end.
- ...for me. But, I mean,
- the punters seem to love it.
- Aargh!
Didn't even hurt.
- I win this round, O'Leary.
- I've gotta go. This will not stand.
Minogue has surprised me
with an ambush.
I mean, it's not
very honourable policing.
Um, he's taken the confiscated
jacket, and I don't believe he's got
any intention of returning
that to the evidence room.
He's now breakdancing on
the police-station awning.
That's a skill that he's shown
no proclivity to in the past,
- whatsoever.
- Taser fingers!
I mean, it's entirely out
of character, and to be fair,
the jacket deserves better.
Aargh!
- Minogue!
- Did it look cool?
Earlier on this evening, while
performing what a lot of people were
saying were spectacular
breakdancing manoeuvres,
the awning gave way,
and I came crashing down.
But rather than assisting me,
Officer O'Leary abducted
the jacket from my person.
She is a disgrace.
O'Leary! Put down the
jacket and move away!
That manoeuvre is far above your
technical capability, O'Leary.
Built a ramp!
What Officer O'Leary doesn't know
is that I've formulated a plan
to put this skateboard
into a forward momentum,
which will then stop her forward
momentum, allowing me to catch up
and then remove
the jacket from her person
and walk around cockily
for the rest of the day.
See you later, sucker!
Effectively,
all that's happened there is
I've just passed her the skateboard
so she could continue to look
cool on a different vehicle.
It's just unfortunate
that Officer O'Leary
is putting looking cool
above actually being cool,
which is a bit unfortunate. But it's
just a maturity thing, I guess.
- Hey.
- It's you.
When did you learn
how to breakdance?
Well, where did you learn how
to do all those tricks on the bike?
- First time I've ever done it.
- Never, ever tried it before?
Nah.
I'm actually overheating slightly,
due to all the exertion.
Well, maybe just take the jacket
off, cool down for a while.
Copy that.
- Hey! Hey!
- My turn!
- Come on.
- Aha!
Minogue!
- You want a taser?
- No, you wouldn't!
- Aargh!
- Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! You two!
Cut it out!
You are behaving like a couple
of thugs, not New Zealand Police!
Report to the holding cells
right now.
Turn.
Turn again.
Yeah, there's something not right
about that jacket.
Every time one of you puts it on,
you become a completely
different person; you're...
there's only one word for it... cool.
- So what's new?
- I'm often cool.
No, you're not, Minogue.
No. Look at O'Leary, eh?
What is she even leaning on?
See that? That's cool.
OK. Minogue...
try that jacket on.
- Oh yeah.
- OK.
Do something.
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh. Ah, ooh.
Ooh!
- Holster!
- Mm. Impressive.
All right. Now, remove the
jacket and try that again.
Aargh!
- Aargh!
- Mm.
- Oh.
- Just as I suspected.
Everything you do, you do better
while wearing that jacket.
Best of three?
Yep. I believe that
that jacket is possessed with
the spirit of its former owner.
- Aargh.
- Mm.
- I can still borrow it, though, eh?
- I'll look after it, though.
We need to find out
who the original owner was.
I believe whatever spirit is
still inside it wants something.
I will, cos Minogue doesn't have
a very good track record for, uh,
- not being an idiot.
- Eh?!
Well, what about O'Leary?
She's, uh...
- Can't even think of an insult?
- Well, I can.
I will think of one,
and I'll text it to you.
Do you know what? I don't
think I can trust you with this.
With... With...
Wow. I should...
Well, I should at least
try it on, I mean...
It's not gonna fit you, Sarge.
You're way too big for it.
- It's tailored for me.
- Excuse me.
That is highly inappropriate
for either of us to notice that,
O'Leary. All right?
- It's kind of snug, Sarge.
- Eh?
What are you even talking about,
sucker? I'm very sorry.
This jacket just makes me feel
like such a confident bad boy.
I mean... There's something in here.
Requesting assistance.
- Thank you.
- It's an old video card.
Expired in August 1987,
and it was a Notorious Roland?
So the owner was cool
enough to put a...
a bad-boy nickname on an official
ID. Give me that, fool!
I'm so sorry. I don't
know why I called you that.
It's this jacket,
just feels so good.
So soft on my body... it's like
my body is sculpted in pavlova.
Hi, guys.
Hey, how did you get in here,
sucker?
- Sorry?
- I mean Parker.
I was just wondering what you guys
are investigating.
- It's a possible possessed jacket.
- Ooh!
- Can I try it on?
- Nah, nah. Not at all, Parker.
There's no way that you're the
same size as me or O'Leary. No.
You know what? Run that name in
the database. OK, go.
All right. You two, I need you to
find out what this spirit wants.
I need you to go
along with the jacket.
I need you to work as a team.
Do not betray each other.
Can I trust you?
- Yes, Sarge.
- Yes, Sarge. Definitely me.
- Oh, well, probably not her.
- OK. Good.
But first, I'm just gonna
keep it a little bit longer,
because I wanna take
some selfies in it.
- Yeah, we'll take it now, Sarge.
- No! No!
- Now please take it off.
- I love it too.
Get your hands out.
Where are we going?
I don't know. Jacket is
controlling the steering wheel. See?
I'm not even looking.
Look at me not looking.
- It's not very safe.
- I know, but look.
I'm not even looking.
- What's it doing, O'Leary?
- Minogue, whatareyou doing?
It's accelerating
without my permission.
Look, I'll just turn the sirens on,
then no one will notice.
Great idea, O'Leary.
That's teamwork.
Guys, it's Sgt Maaka here.
I've got a bit more information
about the original
owner of the jacket.
- Go ahead.
- Notorious Roland Smiler.
He was a black belt in karate;
a welterweight in dance boxing;
and a golden sash in tanglang
quan, praying mantis kung fu;
and by many accounts, the finest
dancer in all of greater Newtown.
Oh, we're actually heading
in that direction, Sarge.
The report continues,
'Gave him official warning
- 'to stop making us all jealous.'
- What was the cause of death, Sarge?
Still looking into that.
I will report when I know more.
And the message is that wine
glasses don't need wine in them
for young people to
have a good time.
Quite impressive, actually.
Might get you to play at
the office Christmas party.
- I'd love that, Sarge.
- Mm.
- Why are you doing a spin?
- I assume because it's cool.
# Da-da-da-da-da
driving skills. #
It's my turn with the jacket!
Come on.
So, we're here in Newtown,
and we've been brought here by
a possessed leather jacket,
as you can see.
We're just trying
to determine what it wants.
Really, I feel like
we should be running,
but my partner insists on strutting.
Looks as though
I'm about to attempt to
pick this lock with a hair pin.
I don't have that skill, nor do I
even wear hair pins. What? Hang on.
Hello, Comms.
We've got a burglary in progress.
- Can you identify the suspect?
- Yeah, it's us doing it.
- What are you doing?
- I dunno.
So, it appears I actually have
just committed a Code 5120.
That's an arson.
It's actually
breaking and entering,
so that was the breaking,
and this is the entering.
Still one of the bad ones.
That looked so cool, though,
O'Leary.
It actually did feel quite cool.
Why have we broken
into a second-hand store?
I don't know.
Ask the jacket.
Why have we broken into
a second-hand store?
I didn't mean
actually ask the jacket.
- Oh, I know. O'Leary!
- What?
- Look.
- What?
- What?
- Police.
Cool.
- Ah!
- What are you pointing at?
I dunno.
Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
Yes. It's a pair of pants,
like that of the
'80s rapper MC Hammer.
- We can't touchthose.
- Maybe the pants know the jacket.
They used to be an ensemble,
they didn't wanna be split up,
and that's why the jacket
brought us back here.
Mm. I don't buy it.
You've got the blue leather
and then the gold satin pants.
I mean, the colours don't work.
- It's good contrast.
- And then there's different
weights, like really heavy leather
and the lightness of the satin.
It wouldn't work.
Pursuing pants.
Approach with caution.
Slowly, cautiously pursuing pants.
Satin pants,
we know you're in here!
Come out with your...
Oh, you can't say 'hands up'.
No.
- Pants!
- Pants, pants, pants?
The pants!
- Good evening, uh...
- Pants.
...pants. I'm Officer Minogue,
and this is my partner.
- Officer O'Leary.
- Yeah. We work with the, uh,
New Zealand Police.
You having a good night?
What are you doing, O'Leary?
- We're trying to build trust.
- It's not me; it's the jacket.
- Stop it.
- Get the jacket off, please.
- Get the jacket off me.
- You get the jacket off.
I'll get the pants. All right,
everyone, just break it up.
- Ooh.
- All right. Just calm down.
O'Leary, I'm not quite
sure how to, uh,
arrest these pants without
invading their privacy.
- This jacket is very disorderly.
- Aargh! Aargh!
Right. Beginning to understand why
your jacket doesn't like you, mate.
Let's just... Aargh, oh! Aargh.
Just get in there.
In you go. Come on.
Keep my hands off my face,
please. That's a police face.
Aargh! Aargh! Aargh!
He's assaulting
a police officer!
Aargh!
These pants have put
themselves on me, O'Leary.
Not a look everyone
can pull off, apparently.
O'Leary!
Looks like I'm attempting
to leave the store
in pants I haven't purchased,
O'Leary.
I appear to be being
abducted by my pants.
I think my pants are
making me do stretches.
So is this jacket.
Why would we be stretching?
- I think they want us to fight.
- What? I don't wanna fight you.
I don't wanna fightyou.
I'm sorry about
what happened earlier.
And I'm sorry for throwing
so many insults at you.
- You didn't throw any insults at me.
- Yeah, but I was thinking of heaps,
and I was gonna throw
them all at you at once.
What are you doing?
You're supposed to be working!
- We're not in control, Sarge.
- Well, exactly.
Look, I came down to assist,
because I'm going to try
and contact the spirit.
I think the spirits
want us to battle.
This is the way that
Notorious Roland met his demise,
in a dance battle against
his archnemesis,
Edmond 'The Eggbeater' Egmont.
Kehua ma! Reveal your
spectral entities here!
But also, in a manner
that is not scary, please.
I'm Notorious Roland...
the one, the only. I never quit.
I'ma gonna get you, sucker!
I'm the Eggbeater!
And you're the egg!
You're going down, clown!
Notorious Roland?
You are wanted for possession
of these two officers.
Uh, stop it. Look, I know
I look good doing this, but, uh,
I'm not enjoying it. Thank you.
Please, I'm asking you nicely.
Look, you've been dead for
over 40 years, Mr Notorious.
Sucked! Loser!
Yeah, um, you're dead too.
- What?
- Ha! Sucker!
- Well, how?
- The two of you...
perished tragically
in a dance battle,
where you each tried
to best each other,
pulling off riskier and
riskier moves, until...
you jumped on the roof
of a passing police car,
smashing the light on top and
then electrocuting yourselves.
Sad.
I know I said I wished
you were dead earlier, but...
on hearing that you are,
I'm actually pretty downcast.
Sorry to hear about you dying.
Look, you guys, it doesn't
have to feel like this, OK?
You've been holding on to
this grudge for over 40 years.
You guys are better than that.
If you're working against each other,
you're gonna be in
this endless cycle.
And, I mean, look, you like some
of his dance moves, don't you?
Well, I do like your dance moves.
I do like some of your moves,
actually. They are pretty good.
I was just about
to say the same thing.
Same thing. Yeah.
There's never gonna be a winner
here. You need to break the cycle.
Or maybe cos you're so good at it,
you breakdance the cycle...
whatever works for you.
OK, you've gotta work it out,
and then it won't have to be so sad.
It's just an endless
cycle of fear,
hell, horrible, you know.
- It's hard.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- It's like a black hole.
- Yeah.
- You don't know what's...
on the other end and if
you're gonna get to the end.
- Mm.
- You guys shouldn't be fighting;
- you should be dancing together.
- Yeah.
You know, you're gonna be very
popular on the other side, I think.
But the only way you're gonna be
popular is if you actually make
that, uh... make that transit, uh,
and move on to the
other side permanently.
Also, could the two
of you please release me?
It's, uh...
This is very exhausting.
Ooh. What'sthatmove?
- I've seen that move a few times.
- Nobody is gonna want to see that.
- I can't stop! Oh my God!
- Maybe don't film that bit.
As you can see, we've managed
to convince Eggbeater Egmont and
Notorious Roland to work together
instead of against each other.
Yeah, and that's really great to
see. I mean, it's a great result.
And I think if you are a ghost,
don't haunt your old clothes.
Yeah. Clothes have the right to be
recycled without bearing the grudges
- of their former owners.
- Mm.
And I think if this
demonstrates anything,
it's that the coolest thing
out there is teamwork.
Yeah. Doesn't sound cool, though.
Yeah. But it is.
We'll say it together.
- Teamwork.
- I wasn't ready.
- Oh.
- OK, we'll... Ready?
We'll say it together.
- Teamwork.
- Team.
- If it's gonna work...
- Teamwork together. Ready?
- Here we go.
- OK. Well, ready?
- Teamwork.
- That was a good one.
That was really good.
not to arrest anyone
but to encourage
a career in the police.
Mm. It may come as
a surprise to learn
that high school was not
a very nice time for me.
I was not very 'cool'. In fact,
I was so uncool, I was voted Most
Likely to Become a Police Officer.
- Mm. So was I.
- Hmm. Oh, when I say 'voted, '
I mean, the other kids would shout
it at me as I was walking to class...
'Cop!'
Yeah, so be that as it may,
it'd be nice to get in there
and talk to these young people
and be the cool ones for a change.
So, this is a baton.
It's one of the very few weapons
that the New Zealand Police
have at their disposal.
We use it for offence
and defence. Don't we?
- See that? Pretty cool.
- Yeah.
So anyway, in closing
and to reiterate...
you know, don't use drugs.
Oh! I'm all good. I'm all good.
Common sense is...
you know, it's a real buzz.
It's a real high,
and it's got real street value.
And to us, you're so much more
than just fingerprints or DNA
or other incriminating evidence.
I mean, you're actually a person...
a person of interest.
OK. Do we have any questions? Yes?
- How much money do you get?
- Uh...
- Can I have a go at your taser?
- Oh...
- No.
- No.
- Yes?
- How huge is your carbon footprint,
driving around all day in your
four-wheel jackboot of colonisation?
O'Leary, you wanna take that one?
Officer Minogue, do you
hear that altercation outside?
Ah, yep. That's go
for Sapphire and Steel.
- Logan, take it off!
- Yeah.
Minogue, there's actually
a commotion outside.
Oh, actually.
- Are you listening?!
- Cop!
Turn your ears on, Logan!
You know you're not allowed to
wear leather jackets at school!
You'll have to get
it off me, sucker!
- All right, fine.
- Altercation in progress.
I'm sure the principal's
got it under control.
Aargh!
I've
confiscated the jacket, sucker!
You know, I think you handled
that disturbance really well today.
Oh, thank you. I thought you did.
Oh, well, I just think it
was great teamwork yet again.
- Mm.
- You know,
it was a complex situation.
- We had student versus teacher.
- We did.
We had a student in
an unauthorised garment.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Followed by a teacher
wearing an unauthorised garment.
Followed by a teacher
in an unauthorised garment.
- Mm-hm.
- We've now confiscated the jacket.
- That's in our car.
- That... We've got that.
- Yeah. That's right.
- So problem solved.
Mm. Nice jacket too, just quietly.
- Nice jacket.
- Yeah.
- It's a really nice jacket.
- Mm.
I mean, that's just my personal
take, not an official police view.
Yeah, sure. Sure.
Can you keep your eyes
on the road, Minogue?
Oh yeah.
Everything's under control.
I've got two side mirrors,
and my senses are popping.
Just quite keen to, um,
try that jacket on.
Don't you think it would be
a little bit too cool for you?
- Eh?
- What?
Nah. Here; hold the
wheel, I'll show you.
Minogue! No! You're driving!
- Oh!
- What are you doing? Hold the wheel!
Sorry. Sorry.
That was impulsive. I don't know
what came over me there.
Yeah, well, what did come over you?
I mean, you can't put that on.
It's not police issue,
OK, for starters.
But if I put my police badge
on it, it'd be police issue.
You can't just put your badge on
things and call them police uniform.
You tried that with your jandals,
OK? Plus, you're driving...
half the time.
I'm not driving, though.
No, you said it's
not police uniform.
I'm not gonna wear it;
I'm just gonna try it on.
- I saw it first!
- Well, I'm just having a turn.
Well, can you not do it? It's
distracting. I'm trying to drive.
- Just concentrate on the wheel.
- Well, I am concentrating on that.
But while you're doing that,
it's hard to concentrate.
Plus you've taken your seatbelt off,
and that's not on. That's illegal.
Unbelievable.
Check it out.
- Does look pretty cool.
- Thank you. I know that.
It looks like it's made for me.
As we know, youth can be
a very difficult time for youth.
So we need some new ideas to
really reach out to the rangatahi.
Parker, you seem like a pretty hip,
cool kind of guy. Is that correct?
- Me, Sarge?
- Mm.
Oh, no. Far from it.
I mean, at school, I was voted
Most Likely to Become a Cop.
- Yeah.
- Same.
Yeah, well, so was I,
but they don't know me.
Actually, if you want
hip and cool, Sarge,
I don't think you can go
past musical handbells.
- Really? Tell me more.
- Um, me and my besties,
we get together, like,
and, um, we just play a...
Oh, well, look who decided
to grace us with their presence.
- Sorry, Sarge.
- Yeah, you know, sometimes, um,
operations out in the field,
they don't always run to a clock.
So just, you know...
just chill out, everyone.
Is that right? And what is
that you're wearing, O'Leary?
Take that off.
Sorry there, Parker. Please
extrapolate about these handbells.
I'm interested in learning
more about your culture.
- Yeah, basically, me and my crew...
- What are you doing? Leave it.
- ...or my band...
- Don't! Just...
...we're called the
Bellbottom Beauties,
and we've got 12 different bells,
and they're various sizes.
Now, the rule is you're not
allowed to turn them upside down;
you're meant to hold them up
as if it were an ice-cream cone.
So we each get
three different bells,
and they play different notes.
And we kind of focus
more on the, um...
Catch you suckers later.
This place is a little...
low-octane.
Uh, excuse me, Minogue.
Hey! Get back here!
You know what? I want a full report
on your insubordination, Minogue!
- I'll follow him.
- No. Don't do that.
I wanna follow him too,
when he looks like that.
No, Parker. Don't do that. Matter
of fact, no one else follow Minogue,
all right? That's a terrible
example to set for youth.
Yeah. I think it came from
a blue cow. It's hard to say.
Mm.
- Yeah.
- So, I'm just following Minogue,
um, first, to remind him
that he shouldn't be wearing
that unauthorised attire
and also that it's actually
my turn with the jacket.
Yeah, so I guess I'd describe
my personal style as...
- law-abiding rebel.
- I mean, he's just kind of
acting all cool, talking all cool.
Normally, he finds it very hard
to communicate with other people.
I mean, it's normally just me that
he talks to. It's not that helpful,
being in the police...
not being able to communicate.
Yeah, I guess I could
have been a bad boy,
but instead I'm a good boy,
who's still a bit of a bad boy.
Hey, Minogue,
it's my turn with the jacket.
- You've had a turn, O'Leary.
- I just wanna look in the mirror.
Ihaven't even had
a turn looking in the mirror.
- OK, well, I'm coming to get it.
- Good luck, O'Leary
- Oh!
- Ooh! Yeah! That's how you do it!
That's actually not
how you do it. In fact,
that's obstructing the police.
Minogue!
- Oh. Looking cool, Minogue.
- Yeah, whatever.
- Just 30 seconds, Minogue!
- How about no seconds, O'Leary?
Hmm.
It's over now, isn't it?
Game over.
Yeah.
Right. That's it.
No more wearing of that
cool jacket. All right?
You are wearing the most
stylish outfit in the world...
the New Zealand Police uniform.
Yeah. That's right, Minogue.
That's right.
And when you don't have
pride in your uniform,
you let the squad down, don't you?
Just... wearing that jacket
gave me a lot of confidence.
And I'm just, you know,
not used to that.
I understand, Minogue.
And thank you for sharing that.
You know, clothescan
give us a lot of confidence.
- Mm.
- And jackets like this one...
Oh, that's a very nice jacket.
It's a... It's a very nice jacket.
Hello. I want you.
But there's a real mana
in wearing the dark blue.
- Mm.
- Only if you respect it, though.
- Mm.
- Every morning, I get up,
and I put this uniform on.
I look at myself in the mirror,
and I salute myself.
- Whoa!
- That is how the...
- Ooh.
- Hey! It's gone, Sarge!
- Hey, who's in there?!
- It's gone.
O'Leary!
You are letting down the squad!
You're letting down
our squad, O'Leary!
Oh! Really can't
figure out the damn...
Oh. Hey. 'Oh, you need more
than one PIN number, ' they said.
Oh, great idea
I thought you just pulled it.
Yeah, you just pull it.
- It's not even connected.
- Oh God. O'Leary!
- Sucker!
- Continuing pursuit of O'Leary,
who is wearing
a non-regulation item of clothing
that she took from
the evidence room.
I'm gonna take the shortcut; you
guys go round. It's too dangerous.
- O'Leary!
- I'm out of here!
Too slow, sucker!
Officer O'Leary is
now throwing insults,
which is a form of verbal assault,
which is only verbal,
but it's still an assault.
O'Leary is running in quite
an effortless manner
and talking to me in a disrespectful
tone, considering she is my partner.
But I know that there is a fence
coming up round the corner,
and fences are like
kryptonite to her,
so I expect to be able
to apprehend her soon.
See you later, sucker!
You see that?
No, cos then you guys can't
get over. I know a shortcut.
Go that way. Go that way.
There are some really good ones
in there. I'd love to hear more,
but I'm pretty busy,
so probably gonna have to go.
Obviously, these guys,
they'll be coming with me.
They're making
a documentary about me.
I'm gonna reach down while she's
distracted, talking about herself.
I'm gonna grab the jacket,
- cos this craziness has gotta end.
- ...for me. But, I mean,
- the punters seem to love it.
- Aargh!
Didn't even hurt.
- I win this round, O'Leary.
- I've gotta go. This will not stand.
Minogue has surprised me
with an ambush.
I mean, it's not
very honourable policing.
Um, he's taken the confiscated
jacket, and I don't believe he's got
any intention of returning
that to the evidence room.
He's now breakdancing on
the police-station awning.
That's a skill that he's shown
no proclivity to in the past,
- whatsoever.
- Taser fingers!
I mean, it's entirely out
of character, and to be fair,
the jacket deserves better.
Aargh!
- Minogue!
- Did it look cool?
Earlier on this evening, while
performing what a lot of people were
saying were spectacular
breakdancing manoeuvres,
the awning gave way,
and I came crashing down.
But rather than assisting me,
Officer O'Leary abducted
the jacket from my person.
She is a disgrace.
O'Leary! Put down the
jacket and move away!
That manoeuvre is far above your
technical capability, O'Leary.
Built a ramp!
What Officer O'Leary doesn't know
is that I've formulated a plan
to put this skateboard
into a forward momentum,
which will then stop her forward
momentum, allowing me to catch up
and then remove
the jacket from her person
and walk around cockily
for the rest of the day.
See you later, sucker!
Effectively,
all that's happened there is
I've just passed her the skateboard
so she could continue to look
cool on a different vehicle.
It's just unfortunate
that Officer O'Leary
is putting looking cool
above actually being cool,
which is a bit unfortunate. But it's
just a maturity thing, I guess.
- Hey.
- It's you.
When did you learn
how to breakdance?
Well, where did you learn how
to do all those tricks on the bike?
- First time I've ever done it.
- Never, ever tried it before?
Nah.
I'm actually overheating slightly,
due to all the exertion.
Well, maybe just take the jacket
off, cool down for a while.
Copy that.
- Hey! Hey!
- My turn!
- Come on.
- Aha!
Minogue!
- You want a taser?
- No, you wouldn't!
- Aargh!
- Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! You two!
Cut it out!
You are behaving like a couple
of thugs, not New Zealand Police!
Report to the holding cells
right now.
Turn.
Turn again.
Yeah, there's something not right
about that jacket.
Every time one of you puts it on,
you become a completely
different person; you're...
there's only one word for it... cool.
- So what's new?
- I'm often cool.
No, you're not, Minogue.
No. Look at O'Leary, eh?
What is she even leaning on?
See that? That's cool.
OK. Minogue...
try that jacket on.
- Oh yeah.
- OK.
Do something.
Ooh. Ooh.
Ooh. Ah, ooh.
Ooh!
- Holster!
- Mm. Impressive.
All right. Now, remove the
jacket and try that again.
Aargh!
- Aargh!
- Mm.
- Oh.
- Just as I suspected.
Everything you do, you do better
while wearing that jacket.
Best of three?
Yep. I believe that
that jacket is possessed with
the spirit of its former owner.
- Aargh.
- Mm.
- I can still borrow it, though, eh?
- I'll look after it, though.
We need to find out
who the original owner was.
I believe whatever spirit is
still inside it wants something.
I will, cos Minogue doesn't have
a very good track record for, uh,
- not being an idiot.
- Eh?!
Well, what about O'Leary?
She's, uh...
- Can't even think of an insult?
- Well, I can.
I will think of one,
and I'll text it to you.
Do you know what? I don't
think I can trust you with this.
With... With...
Wow. I should...
Well, I should at least
try it on, I mean...
It's not gonna fit you, Sarge.
You're way too big for it.
- It's tailored for me.
- Excuse me.
That is highly inappropriate
for either of us to notice that,
O'Leary. All right?
- It's kind of snug, Sarge.
- Eh?
What are you even talking about,
sucker? I'm very sorry.
This jacket just makes me feel
like such a confident bad boy.
I mean... There's something in here.
Requesting assistance.
- Thank you.
- It's an old video card.
Expired in August 1987,
and it was a Notorious Roland?
So the owner was cool
enough to put a...
a bad-boy nickname on an official
ID. Give me that, fool!
I'm so sorry. I don't
know why I called you that.
It's this jacket,
just feels so good.
So soft on my body... it's like
my body is sculpted in pavlova.
Hi, guys.
Hey, how did you get in here,
sucker?
- Sorry?
- I mean Parker.
I was just wondering what you guys
are investigating.
- It's a possible possessed jacket.
- Ooh!
- Can I try it on?
- Nah, nah. Not at all, Parker.
There's no way that you're the
same size as me or O'Leary. No.
You know what? Run that name in
the database. OK, go.
All right. You two, I need you to
find out what this spirit wants.
I need you to go
along with the jacket.
I need you to work as a team.
Do not betray each other.
Can I trust you?
- Yes, Sarge.
- Yes, Sarge. Definitely me.
- Oh, well, probably not her.
- OK. Good.
But first, I'm just gonna
keep it a little bit longer,
because I wanna take
some selfies in it.
- Yeah, we'll take it now, Sarge.
- No! No!
- Now please take it off.
- I love it too.
Get your hands out.
Where are we going?
I don't know. Jacket is
controlling the steering wheel. See?
I'm not even looking.
Look at me not looking.
- It's not very safe.
- I know, but look.
I'm not even looking.
- What's it doing, O'Leary?
- Minogue, whatareyou doing?
It's accelerating
without my permission.
Look, I'll just turn the sirens on,
then no one will notice.
Great idea, O'Leary.
That's teamwork.
Guys, it's Sgt Maaka here.
I've got a bit more information
about the original
owner of the jacket.
- Go ahead.
- Notorious Roland Smiler.
He was a black belt in karate;
a welterweight in dance boxing;
and a golden sash in tanglang
quan, praying mantis kung fu;
and by many accounts, the finest
dancer in all of greater Newtown.
Oh, we're actually heading
in that direction, Sarge.
The report continues,
'Gave him official warning
- 'to stop making us all jealous.'
- What was the cause of death, Sarge?
Still looking into that.
I will report when I know more.
And the message is that wine
glasses don't need wine in them
for young people to
have a good time.
Quite impressive, actually.
Might get you to play at
the office Christmas party.
- I'd love that, Sarge.
- Mm.
- Why are you doing a spin?
- I assume because it's cool.
# Da-da-da-da-da
driving skills. #
It's my turn with the jacket!
Come on.
So, we're here in Newtown,
and we've been brought here by
a possessed leather jacket,
as you can see.
We're just trying
to determine what it wants.
Really, I feel like
we should be running,
but my partner insists on strutting.
Looks as though
I'm about to attempt to
pick this lock with a hair pin.
I don't have that skill, nor do I
even wear hair pins. What? Hang on.
Hello, Comms.
We've got a burglary in progress.
- Can you identify the suspect?
- Yeah, it's us doing it.
- What are you doing?
- I dunno.
So, it appears I actually have
just committed a Code 5120.
That's an arson.
It's actually
breaking and entering,
so that was the breaking,
and this is the entering.
Still one of the bad ones.
That looked so cool, though,
O'Leary.
It actually did feel quite cool.
Why have we broken
into a second-hand store?
I don't know.
Ask the jacket.
Why have we broken into
a second-hand store?
I didn't mean
actually ask the jacket.
- Oh, I know. O'Leary!
- What?
- Look.
- What?
- What?
- Police.
Cool.
- Ah!
- What are you pointing at?
I dunno.
Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
Yes. It's a pair of pants,
like that of the
'80s rapper MC Hammer.
- We can't touchthose.
- Maybe the pants know the jacket.
They used to be an ensemble,
they didn't wanna be split up,
and that's why the jacket
brought us back here.
Mm. I don't buy it.
You've got the blue leather
and then the gold satin pants.
I mean, the colours don't work.
- It's good contrast.
- And then there's different
weights, like really heavy leather
and the lightness of the satin.
It wouldn't work.
Pursuing pants.
Approach with caution.
Slowly, cautiously pursuing pants.
Satin pants,
we know you're in here!
Come out with your...
Oh, you can't say 'hands up'.
No.
- Pants!
- Pants, pants, pants?
The pants!
- Good evening, uh...
- Pants.
...pants. I'm Officer Minogue,
and this is my partner.
- Officer O'Leary.
- Yeah. We work with the, uh,
New Zealand Police.
You having a good night?
What are you doing, O'Leary?
- We're trying to build trust.
- It's not me; it's the jacket.
- Stop it.
- Get the jacket off, please.
- Get the jacket off me.
- You get the jacket off.
I'll get the pants. All right,
everyone, just break it up.
- Ooh.
- All right. Just calm down.
O'Leary, I'm not quite
sure how to, uh,
arrest these pants without
invading their privacy.
- This jacket is very disorderly.
- Aargh! Aargh!
Right. Beginning to understand why
your jacket doesn't like you, mate.
Let's just... Aargh, oh! Aargh.
Just get in there.
In you go. Come on.
Keep my hands off my face,
please. That's a police face.
Aargh! Aargh! Aargh!
He's assaulting
a police officer!
Aargh!
These pants have put
themselves on me, O'Leary.
Not a look everyone
can pull off, apparently.
O'Leary!
Looks like I'm attempting
to leave the store
in pants I haven't purchased,
O'Leary.
I appear to be being
abducted by my pants.
I think my pants are
making me do stretches.
So is this jacket.
Why would we be stretching?
- I think they want us to fight.
- What? I don't wanna fight you.
I don't wanna fightyou.
I'm sorry about
what happened earlier.
And I'm sorry for throwing
so many insults at you.
- You didn't throw any insults at me.
- Yeah, but I was thinking of heaps,
and I was gonna throw
them all at you at once.
What are you doing?
You're supposed to be working!
- We're not in control, Sarge.
- Well, exactly.
Look, I came down to assist,
because I'm going to try
and contact the spirit.
I think the spirits
want us to battle.
This is the way that
Notorious Roland met his demise,
in a dance battle against
his archnemesis,
Edmond 'The Eggbeater' Egmont.
Kehua ma! Reveal your
spectral entities here!
But also, in a manner
that is not scary, please.
I'm Notorious Roland...
the one, the only. I never quit.
I'ma gonna get you, sucker!
I'm the Eggbeater!
And you're the egg!
You're going down, clown!
Notorious Roland?
You are wanted for possession
of these two officers.
Uh, stop it. Look, I know
I look good doing this, but, uh,
I'm not enjoying it. Thank you.
Please, I'm asking you nicely.
Look, you've been dead for
over 40 years, Mr Notorious.
Sucked! Loser!
Yeah, um, you're dead too.
- What?
- Ha! Sucker!
- Well, how?
- The two of you...
perished tragically
in a dance battle,
where you each tried
to best each other,
pulling off riskier and
riskier moves, until...
you jumped on the roof
of a passing police car,
smashing the light on top and
then electrocuting yourselves.
Sad.
I know I said I wished
you were dead earlier, but...
on hearing that you are,
I'm actually pretty downcast.
Sorry to hear about you dying.
Look, you guys, it doesn't
have to feel like this, OK?
You've been holding on to
this grudge for over 40 years.
You guys are better than that.
If you're working against each other,
you're gonna be in
this endless cycle.
And, I mean, look, you like some
of his dance moves, don't you?
Well, I do like your dance moves.
I do like some of your moves,
actually. They are pretty good.
I was just about
to say the same thing.
Same thing. Yeah.
There's never gonna be a winner
here. You need to break the cycle.
Or maybe cos you're so good at it,
you breakdance the cycle...
whatever works for you.
OK, you've gotta work it out,
and then it won't have to be so sad.
It's just an endless
cycle of fear,
hell, horrible, you know.
- It's hard.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- It's like a black hole.
- Yeah.
- You don't know what's...
on the other end and if
you're gonna get to the end.
- Mm.
- You guys shouldn't be fighting;
- you should be dancing together.
- Yeah.
You know, you're gonna be very
popular on the other side, I think.
But the only way you're gonna be
popular is if you actually make
that, uh... make that transit, uh,
and move on to the
other side permanently.
Also, could the two
of you please release me?
It's, uh...
This is very exhausting.
Ooh. What'sthatmove?
- I've seen that move a few times.
- Nobody is gonna want to see that.
- I can't stop! Oh my God!
- Maybe don't film that bit.
As you can see, we've managed
to convince Eggbeater Egmont and
Notorious Roland to work together
instead of against each other.
Yeah, and that's really great to
see. I mean, it's a great result.
And I think if you are a ghost,
don't haunt your old clothes.
Yeah. Clothes have the right to be
recycled without bearing the grudges
- of their former owners.
- Mm.
And I think if this
demonstrates anything,
it's that the coolest thing
out there is teamwork.
Yeah. Doesn't sound cool, though.
Yeah. But it is.
We'll say it together.
- Teamwork.
- I wasn't ready.
- Oh.
- OK, we'll... Ready?
We'll say it together.
- Teamwork.
- Team.
- If it's gonna work...
- Teamwork together. Ready?
- Here we go.
- OK. Well, ready?
- Teamwork.
- That was a good one.
That was really good.