Wellington Paranormal (2018–…): Season 4, Episode 1 - Skeleton Crew - full transcript
So, we're responding to
reports of excessive noise
- from this penthouse apartment.
- (PANTS)
I mean, it's quite hard to explain
when we're running up the stairs.
Not that we're puffed
or anything like that.
Apparently, there's been
a lot of screaming and screeching.
Yeah, but what's the difference
between a scream and a screech?
- (MUFFLED SCREECH, CRASHING)
- Well, that's a screech.
- (MUFFLED SCREAM)
- That's a scream. Got it. OK.
Open up!
(MUFFLED CLATTERING)
- (SIGHS HEAVILY)
- Oh, thanks, O'Leary.
I've actually been thinking
a lot about my childhood lately.
We went to Rainbow's End,
and my brother made me go on
the Fearfall, and I was just...
- I wasn't really ready for it.
- I meant the guy behind the door.
- (MUFFLED CRASH)
- Yeah, so... so did i.
- Yeah.
- Open up!
- Oh, thank God you're here.
- Thank you. Hello.
- Come in.
- Thank you.
I called you cos... it came in
and... and it did all of this.
It stole my Xbox controller!
Probably a bit old for an Xbox
anyway, aren't you, mate?
- What happened to your, uh...
- your chest there, sir?
It was trying to take my necklace.
We'll get you some help for that
at some stage soon.
So, this thing that did that,
how would you describe it?
- I don't know.
- It was... some kind of beast.
- You got any other adjectives?
- Enormous.
Um, squawking.
OK. And when it came,
what did it do?
- It did this.
- Yep?
Did this.
Uh, it did this.
- It did this.
- Did it do that?
Nah, that was my nephew ...
came over last week.
- And it took my chandelier.
- Chandelier? Inner-city apartment?
Bit over the top.
This would be the entry
and exit point for the beast.
- The door?
- The smashed door.
- Hey.
- What's that?
O'Leary...
you reckon this could have
anything to do with it?
(RATTLING)
(SINISTER CROAK)
('WELLINGTON PARANORMAL' THEME MUSIC)
So, there have been
a spate of power cuts
in the Brooklyn area,
near the wind turbine.
This is what we refer
to as brownouts.
(SNIGGERING)
What, Parker?
- Nothing, Sarge.
- Right.
- So, these brownouts...
- (SNIGGERS)
What's so funny
about brownouts, Parker?
Oh, it's... I was... I was just
remembering a knock-knock joke.
- And how does that go?
- Oh. OK. Well, you start.
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
Brownouts?
That's not how it goes.
- All right.
- So, let's concentrate, please.
There are far more important
matters at hand, such as ...
a number of unusual robberies have
been occurring across the city.
Shiny objects missing,
such as silverware, cutlery, DVDs
and something else
far more upsetting.
(KEY CLICKS, OFFICERS GASP)
- (SIGHS) Yes.
- Ellington?
- Where's that?
- Well, it's here, Minogue.
- Clearly, somebody stole the W.
- It could've been an Aucklander.
Hmm. What are
they gonna do with a W?
What have you got there?
- Quill.
- Where did you get that?
We should probably
talk to you about it, Sarge.
Wow. I thought, 'Well,
that doesn't seem that threatening, '
but upon seeing this...
I mean, we thought it could
be extremely threatening.
Yeah. Especially
if you're really ticklish,
like in the armpit or on your leg.
We think what we encountered
was pretty scary, actually, Sarge.
It had trashed a man's apartment ...
Mm.
- Made a real mess.
- It was messy.
Took some notes, and we found out
that it was enormous
and also squawking.
And I spoke to a witness who said,
'I only just got here just now.
'I don't know what
you're talking about.'
- Right.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Ah. I've, uh, invited someone
who I think may be able to help us.
Uh, you can come in. Just let me, uh,
use our special unlocking mechanism.
Blip!
(IMITATES DOOR WHIRRING, UNLOCKING)
IMITATES AUTOMATED VOICE:
Doors unlocked.
Come in.
(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
Minogue, O'Leary,
this is Beverly Hatupatu.
- She is an endangered-bird expert.
- Kia or a.
- Kia or a, Beverly.
- Kia or a.
- Please close the door.
- It's a secret door.
(IMITATES DOOR WHIRRING, LOCKING)
IMITATES AUTOMATED VOICE:
Office secure.
- Here. If you will.
- Oh! That's an incredible specimen.
WHISPERS: Sarge. Sarge,
are you sure she should be in here?
I mean, you told us we had to get
special clearance
- to come in here and...
- It's OK. I trust her.
I met her on an internet bird forum.
- Oh, is that what Twitter is?
- No, no.
You're very lucky
to have found this.
- It's a moa, isn't it? Is it moa?
- This is a tertiary pennae volatus.
- That's a kind of bird, is it?
- It's a flight feather.
'Tertiary' means that it's
the smallest feather of the wing.
And judging by the colouring,
this thing's female.
I think I know what you're dealing
with here. She's very dangerous.
She can swallow you whole
in one go, just... just like a...
(IMITATES BIRD GULPING)
Ugh.
(SWALLOWS, SCREECH ES)
(SIGHS) Down you go.
My great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-grandfather
encountered it many moons ago.
- She really likes her grandfather.
- I mean, this is incredible.
- Are you into birds?
- Oh, you know. I dabble.
It's also been taking
a lot of shiny things,
possibly to build a nest.
There's also the issue
of power cuts and wind surges.
Wind could be its source
of power, and that's...
O'LEARY, MAAKA, HATUPATU:
...why she chose Wellington.
- ...chose Wellington.
- Mm.
Ms Hatupatu, what is
our tactical approach
- for capturing whatever this is?
- I have an idea.
- What is it?
- WHISPERS: I will avenge my whanau.
Uh, excuse me? Can you speak up?
I will ensure the safety
of this creature
and make sure that we capture it
in a humane manner
OK. And how will you do that?
BEVERLY: I've spent
my entire life searching...
So, Beverly's just baiting
the trap at the moment
with really shiny objects. Um,
she's had to improvise a little bit,
but sometimes simple
is actually best,
so I really respect her for that.
Um, we know that the creature has
an affinity towards shiny things,
so we're gonna use the iconic
Wellington Fern Ball sculpture
to attract her here
to this location,
and then hopefully she'll land
when she sees the really
attractive, um, objects.
And then we just pull the rope...
- and we'll trap her in the box.
- Yeah.
I've given up some of my most prized
possessions to help the cause.
Um, often, that's what
policing is, isn't it?
Is, um, you give up the things
that matter to you the most
in order to try and protect
the community
- as much as you possibly can.
- Mm.
In this case, it includes
some Andre Rieu live CDs,
which are... some real
classics in there;
also my handcuffs,
which I never really use;
I found some paper clips; um...
(ELECTRICITY SPARKS)
- (MINOGUE, O'LEARY GASP)
- She's near.
It's almost time. (BREATHES HEAVILY)
It appears that she's,
uh, getting closer.
We do think that she would
have to be a real birdbrain
to fall for this,
so it might just work perfectly.
The most important part
is to not hurt her, OK?
It'll be much more helpful
for the ornithological research
- and for my iwi.
- So, do you know what she is?
She's a Birdwoman.
Kurangaituku.
She held my great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-
great-great-grandfather hostage.
She's half woman, half bird,
the size of a tree,
with claws like knives.
Very powerful ...
and, like, extremely dangerous.
- You say she's as big as a tree.
- Do you mean like a real little tree?
I'm just wondering as well ...
like, when you said knives,
do you mean like
really small knives?
- Or like spoons?
- (EERIE SCREECH IN DISTANCE)
Ha. Awesome.
- (CLICKS TONGUE, SIGHS)
- (BIRD CHIRPS)
- They should've set the trap by now.
- I'm gonna call them.
Uh, can we please move
this cage, Parker?
Why did you bring
this bird in for anyway?
That's my budgie, Paul.
I thought we could study his
behaviour and it might help us.
I don't see the value of that,
- to be honest.
- Oh, OK.
- I would just like the...
- Oh.
- ...cage to be removed from the...
- Oh.
WHISPERS: Sorry, Paul.
(PAUL CHIRPS)
- What do you think he's thinking?
- No idea.
- What do you think he's thinking?
- Yeah.
I'm thinking he's thinking,
'Wow. Sarge looks like a great guy.
'I wouldn't mind living
at his place.'
So, we're just playing
a waiting game.
There's no sign of
the bird just yet.
(ARCADE MUSIC RINGTONE)
- Who is it?
- Sarge.
- Yeah, gidday, Sarge.
- What does he want?
- Yeah, we're all good.
- Yeah, just playing the waiting game.
- I'm not really sure of the rules.
- Wh...?
Beverly?
- Yeah, she's all good.
- BEVERLY: Whoa! (SCREAMS)
Yeah, she's playing
the waiting game too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(EERIE SCREECH IN DISTANCE)
Yeah.
Yeah. OK.
Yep, No, gotta go.
Gotta go.
Ta-ta.
Where's Beverly gone?
- (LOUD SCREECH)
- There!
- That Birdwoman's got her.
- Come on! In pursuit! Let's go.
No, no. Run, run, run, run!
It's faster. Come on, this way!
- It's faster in a straight line!
- OK. Right. OK, OK.
It's faster in a straight line.
- See?
- Pull me up.
- I'll get down.
- I'll give you a hand up.
(PANTS)
GRUNTS: One, two, three.
- Up.
- Let's run.
- Come on.
- This way.
While staking out the Birdwoman,
the Birdwoman took the bird woman.
- I'm confused.
- We need to find the Birdwoman.
Yeah, but the woman who likes
birds or the 'half bird, half woman'?
- Both!
- Oh, right.
- I'm gonna grab my stuff.
- There's no time, Minogue!
There's some rare CD5
in here, O'Leary.
There's no such thing
as a rare CD.
- You wouldn't know.
- What do you know about CD5?
You don't even like music.
MUFFLED: You don't even let me
put music on in the car
most of the time.
- Minogue, O'Leary. Come in. Over.
- (RT CRACKLES)
Are you there? Over.
Hello. Minogue, O'Leary,
are you there? Over.
- (PAUL SCREECHES)
- Hey, wh...? Hey!
- Whoa, whoa!
- Oh!
What did you do that for, Parker?
Well, we have to give him
free will. That's how we'll learn.
Well, th-that's a terrible idea.
- Don't worry, Sarge.
- I know how to calm him down.
- (PAUL CHIRPS)
- Cheep! Cheep!
(PAUL CHIRPS)
- Paul's interested.
- (PAUL CHIRPS)
- That's great.
- Cheep, cheep, cheep! Cheep, cheep!
- Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep!
- You're on to something, Parker.
That's genius!
- Come here, Paul. Cheep, cheep!
- Minogue, O'Leary. Come in.
- MINOGUE: To the office?
- Cheep!
We're actually doing something
pretty important here, Sarge.
The Birdwoman has taken
the bird woman.
MAAKA: No. 'Come in' as in,
'Listen to me over the radio.'
I have an idea.
- PARKER: ♪ Cheep, cheep.
- Try alluring the Birdwoman
- using mating calls.
- ♪ Cheep, cheep. Cheep, cheep.
- Hey.
- (PAUL CHIRPS)
What are you...? Hey!
- Uh, gotta go. Problem in the office.
- Copy that.
- OK... No. No.
- ♪ Cheep, ch-cheep.
- ♪ Ch-Cheep-cheep, cheep-cheep. ♪
- OK... Parker...
Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep!
- You think Sarge is OK?
- He sounds pretty stressed.
And he said,
'Try some mating calls.'
- Do you know any?
- Nah, not really.
I'm sort of like,
'Hey. How's it going?
'Um, I'm in the Police.
'It's pretty cool.
'Blow into this bag.'
I'm not sure he meant
those kinds of mating calls.
- Oh.
- I think he meant maybe
something to do with birds.
So maybe there's something
in Beverly's book.
There's some pretty
detailed drawings in here.
She seems a bit obsessed.
Well, maybe she's just
really passionate, you know?
And that's an admirable quality.
Can lead to
criminal behaviour, though.
- What, passion?
- Obsessive.
Look.
- This one looks like you.
- I'm driving.
Yeah. And you're also a birdwoman.
I don't see how a birdwoman
could look like me.
Look.
That's distracting me,
as a driver.
- Put it down, please.
- That looks exactly like you.
I... find that
very hard to believe.
Here we go ... mating calls.
- What does that say?
- I'm driving.
Yeah. Use your left eye.
It says,
(IMITATES BIRD) 'Caaaawww!'
- I think.
- You might be right.
- (RT CRACKLES)
- IMITATES BIRD: Caw! Caw!
I'm not a threat to you, Paul.
- Oh! Oh!
- Uh-oh. Here, boy.
- Oh no.
- Hey. Hey, he's going over there.
- Oh, he's going to the office!
- He's gone into the office!
(GRUNTS)
- GRUNTS, PANTS: It's all right.
- On your feet, Officer.
- (BREATHES HEAVILY)
- Oh, it's all right.
- I'm just a little bit stunned.
- Where'd he go?
- Ohh...
- Oh!
- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Here we are. Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa.
(PAUL CHIRPS)
Here.
- Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.
- (CHIRPS)
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- (CHIRPS)
- Ah, ah!
- (GASPS) Oh!
- Ohh!
- Oh...
- Paul!
- (SIGHS EXASPERATEDLY)
As you can see, the bird is still
at large in the office.
- (CHIRPING, RUNNING FOOTSTEPS)
- Yep. Yep, you...
- That's on you. Try more of the, uh...
- (PANTS)
- ...the French seduction.
- (CHIRPS)
FRENCH ACCENT:
'Le... Le cheep. Le cheep-cheep.'
- Oh. Oh-la-la.
- 'Le cheep-cheep. Oh-la-i... cheep.'
Ch-Cheep.
- Ch-Cheep.
- Yeah. More sass.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
(CHIRPS)
- (RT CRACKLES)
- Brrr! Brrr!
- What is that?
- Brr... It's a bird call.
- Sounds like a phone.
- Doesn't sound like a phone.
Do it properly. That's not how you
do it. You can do better than that.
- HIGHER PITCH: Brrr! Brrr!
- (FEEDBACK WHINES)
- Let me have a go.
- (RT CRACKLES)
- Eeee! Eeee!
- (FEEDBACK WHINES)
- No, it's not working.
- Look, we've got to try harder.
The endangered bird
expert is in danger.
So she's endangered?
Yeah. She's an endangered
endangered bird expert.
Let me have another turn. One more.
(RT CRACKLES)
Krrrraaw! Krrraw!
(FEEDBACK WHINES)
(EERIE SCREECH IN DISTANCE)
Do you think
that was her, Minogue?
- I reckon it was, O'Leary.
- (WINDOW WHIRRS)
Did Sarge tell us what to do
if we attracted the Birdwoman?
- (SCREECHING CONTINUES)
- No.
- She's getting closer.
- It's getting really, really loud.
- (LOUD SCREECH OVERHEAD)
- Eyes on bird! Eyes on bird!
Sarge, we found her.
O'Leary did an amazing bird call.
Do it again, O'Leary.
- (CRASH!)
- (SHRIEKS)
- No, it wasn't like that.
- It was more sort of like...
- (CRASH!)
- Aaargh!
- Don't like it. Don't like it.
- Whoa! Whoa!
- (BIRDWOMAN CAWS)
- I wanna get down!
- Just calm down, Minogue.
- Calm down.
- (BREATHES HEAVILY)
- Just breathe. Yeah, good. Good.
You breathe too, Beverly. Breathe!
- (CRASH! BIRDWOMAN CAWS, CACKLES)
- BEVERLY: Hey! Help me! Ohhh!
- (BREATHES RAPIDLY) Seatbelts off?
- Copy.
- (CLICK! CAR CREAKS, GROANS)
- Oof! (PANTS)
- Don't do that.
- Help.
(METAL GROANS, BOTH PANT)
- I don't think we should move.
- I agree. We should not move.
I'll count to three, and then we'll
both leap out of the car as one.
- What are you doing?
- GRUNTS: Getting my jacket.
We don't need our jackets.
I've already lost three
this month.
I'm not gonna lose another one.
They cost a fortune.
(BREATHES SHAKILY) You ready?
- Three, tw...
- Come on, O'Leary!
What...? Minogue!
(GRUNTS) MUFFLED:
You're sitting on my face!
- You all right?
- Yeah, I'm good.
- No, I'm good.
- Am I OK?
- What?
- Am I OK?
- Are you OK? Are you OK?
- PANTS: Yeah, I think so.
- Yeah. You look good.
- (BOTH BREATHE HEAVILY)
- (METAL GROANS)
- O'Leary. The car.
- The car. The car.
- Ah.
- The car. The car.
- Yep.
God... Look out!
- Heads!
- (DISTANT CRASH, CAR ALARM WAILS)
Um, so it looks as though the, uh,
woman bird has enormous strength
and is very dangerous
to pedestrians.
Um, we need to apprehend
the suspect as soon as possible
to, um, save Beverly,
and we'd also like
to warn the public
about the potential dangers
of falling patrol cars.
Looks like she's heading
to the wind turbine.
- (DISTANT SCREECHING, SCREAMING)
- She must be messing with it
and causing all the power outages
in Brooklyn. We've got to get there.
Yeah, but how? I'm not sure
the car's gonna be all right.
No, no. What... What are you doing?
I was just seeing if we could
still take the car, but no.
- No.
- We need another plan.
- Busy night tonight, driver?
- Not too bad.
Did you guys hear about that cop car
that fell off
the Majestic Centre tonight?
No. I haven't
caught up with that one.
Crazy. You'd expect your cops
to be the first ones to...
We need to get to the
Brooklyn Wind Turbine.
I know. Uh, you entered it
into the app.
See that little
computer there, O'Leary?
- Yeah, that's...
- That's how it works with Uber.
- You see that blue line?
- Just all goes in there.
- I understand Uber...
- Yeah, and you load it...
- That's for the...
- .and I don't need to be
- mansplained about Uber.
- ...path, the direction.
No, that's not mansplaining.
Mansplaining is when you
over-explain something
that's really simple,
um, when it always comes from a man,
- um, to a woman.
- Yeah.
- Sort of the difference is...
- with that
was it was explaining something that
was a little bit more complicated.
. When you grasp a concept.
- Break it down to little parts...
- Yeah.
...and explain those little parts
in small detail.
- O'LEARY ON RT: Sarge, come in.
- (BIRD CHIRPS)
- Come in, Sarge.
- (PEOPLE EXCLAIM)
- Ohh.
- Argh!
- Here, Paulie. Here, boy! Come down!
- PARKER, PANTING: Oh, gosh.
- So stuffy... chasing birds.
- Come down! (SMOOCHES)
OK.
(MUTTERING)
- Hey. Over there. Over there.
- Oh. Oh, God.
OK. Move forward.
PAUL: (BLEEP) the police.
(SCOFFS) What are you
teaching this bird, Parker?
- (SIGHS) It's not actually mine.
- It's my Uncle Trev's.
I'm just bird-sitting.
Clearly your Uncle Trevor
doesn't have any respect
- for our profession whatsoever.
- PAUL: (BLEEP) the police!
- So, this is not appropriate.
- It is not on.
- Come on.
- Here we go. Get in the...
- (BLEEP) the police!
- Get in the cage, Paul!
- (BLEEP) the police!
- You know what? Look,
I think we've done everything we can.
- (BLEEP) the police!
- I think everybody just stand down,
all right? We just stand down...
- (BLEEP) the police!
- ...until this bird calms down.
- (BLEEP) the police!
- Aargh!
- Look out for the fan!
- (LOUD WHIRRING, OFFICERS GASP)
(MURMURING)
- (COUGHS)
- WOMAN: Is it dead?
Uh, regrettably,
the assailant was resisting
and using quite offensive language
and is now a casualty.
Moving forward, I think we will take
steps to inform the next of kin,
um, what has transgressed here.
Unfortunately, the... the...
this is a result of, uh,
sometimes what we deal with
in the New Zealand Police.
O'LEARY: Hey, Sarge,
we've followed the Birdwoman
to the Brooklyn Wind Turbine.
- MAAKA ON RT: Roger that.
- Heading over now.
- (DEBRIS CLATTERS)
- Uber driver dropped us miles away.
Hey, look.
Yeah. I mean, obviously,
um, potentially,
because this creature
is a birdwoman,
she might not be aware of the fact
that all of this stuff
is actually recyclable.
Um, so I guess we'll just
give her a warning for that
when we catch up with her.
(SCREECHING, SCREAMING IN DISTANCE)
- Did you hear that?
- Yeah.
- (GRUNTS)
- BIRDWOMAN: Waiho tenei wahi!
That's Maori for,
'Leave this place.'
Beverly must be right ...
she is Kurangaituku.
- Well, we could leave this place.
- I mean, she asked nicely.
- We've gotta rescue Beverly.
- Yeah, but the Birdwoman
- eats people, I hear.
- That's why we've gotta keep going.
Well, that could be the reason
why we don't go.
Leave the springs.
- (SPRINGS CLATTER)
- Can I get them on the way back?
(BOTH PANT)
- I won.
- It's not a competition.
Look ... a giant nest.
Do you think it's related
to the giant bird?
Yes.
Then one of us is probably
gonna have to go up there.
We're both going. Come on.
Looks to be faeces
of an avian nature.
Do you think if she pooed on you,
it'd still be considered good luck?
Could be a considerably
large amount of good luck.
Good |uck'd be absolutely
dripping off you.
- Ascending ladder.
- Go, go, go, go, go.
Safely ... ascending ladder safely.
- Ah!
- Ah!
Fingers.
(BOTH PANT)
Maybe we should just...
take the 'W' and go.
- There's Beverly.
- (CHICKS CHITTER)
Take Beverly and the 'W' and go.
I ki atu ahau kia kaua
e haere mai ki konei!
Uh, good evening.
I'm Officer O'Leary.
This is Officer Minogue.
- Uh, we're here to help you.
- You are actually interrupting.
- So...
- Or visiting,
- depending on how you look at it.
- Yeah.
- Oh, kei te pai, kei te pai.
- MINOGUE, O'LEARY: Yeah.
- Got any biscuits?
- Uh...
- Sarge.
- (BREATHES HEAVILY)
- What the...?
- I got stitch!
- Sgt Maaka.
- I got stitch.
Maybe I should just deploy
tranquiliser, Sarge.
Don't you dare hurt
my beautiful babies.
She's a mother.
- (CHICKS CHITTER)
- Oh. Aue! Haere mai.
- It's feeding time.
- Excuse me, Birdwoman.
That's, uh, Beverly.
She's a member of the public.
You can't just let your chicks
ingest her in that fashion.
Well, of course not.
I'm going to swallow her, and then
I'm gonna regurgitate her,
like this.
- (RETCHES)
- O'LEARY: OK, I think
- we really have to help her.
- Wait. Sarge,
- there's a big fan outside.
- You're right, Parker.
We can't have a repeat
of what happened to Paul.
Never again.
We've gotta time this just right.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Uh, tena koe, Kurangaituku.
(DEAFENING SCREECH)
Don't you dare come any closer.
Ugh. Come into my house,
try and steal my food ... aue!
To be fair, you did whoosh
and break into multiple homes
and steal many shiny objects.
You know what? My instincts as
a bird wants to eat you right now,
- so you'd better hush-hush, girl.
- Uh, hey. Whoa, whoa.
Uh, kia tau, kia tau
I te manu wahine ataahua.
Ooh. Aue!
Don't try to smooth-talk me,
handsome.
I might gobble you up too. (GIGGLES)
- Sarge, you're blushing.
- She might take that as a threat.
Just trying to
calm her down, Parker.
- (GIGGLES)
- Do you have a clear shot?
- Affirmative.
- Enough talk.
You've interrupted my dinner time.
- Deploy the tranquiliser, Parker!
- Take the shot! Take the shot!
(TRANQUILISER GUN FIRES,
MAAKA GRUNTS)
WEAKLY: Why?
- Parker, you got Sarge.
- Why did you shut your eyes?
- Get away. Get away, please.
- (CHICKS CHITTER)
I didn't want her babies
to see me shooting her,
so I just kind of went like this
- and went like that.
- Aargh!
Oh!.
SLURS: Parker.
- (THUD!)
- OK, gun down.
Tranquiliser down.
- Tranquiliser away.
- OK.
Oh, that... Away. Down.
- Good result...
- Argh! Oh no.
Oh. (MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY)
(THUD!)
Um, so, obviously,
here in the Police,
we just are here to look
after the community ...
all members of the community.
So, yes, we had officers down,
um, but it was all for a good cause,
- and it was to save you, Beverly...
- Oh!
- ...and Birdwoman.
- It's all good. All good, bubs.
And, um, that's all part of
the service that we provide.
The, uh, New Zealand Police.
Um, end of the day, though,
I think... good result.
- (BIRDS TWITTER)
- O'LEARY: Mm.
Sometimes in our investigations,
we realise we have more in common
with the paranormal
than you'd think.
Mm. I mean, in this case, yes, she
does feed on the blood of innocents,
um, but she's also a solo mother
just trying to navigate
her way through life.
And, yes, she does have
the body of a bird,
but she also has
the head of a woman ...
a woman just trying
to feed her kids.
I mean, looking back through
Ms Hatupatu's notes,
we did find several
mentions of her...
- ...wanting to seek revenge
- BEVERLY: Hey! Hey. Oi!
for a generations-long
feud between
- No!
- ...her family and the Birdwoman's.
But she's since changed
her attitude,
um, and agreed to study
the creature for science,
um, as it's no longer deemed
as a threat to her
- or her family.
- Mm.
And I think, end of the day,
it was a tremendous
group effort by the team.
(BIRDWOMAN SCREECHES)
- Yeah, that's right, O'Leary.
- We did it.
You can't spell 'Wellington
Paranormal Unit' without 'we'.
Uh, there's no I's in there.
(BIRDWOMAN BELCHES, CHICKS CHITTER)
There's a couple.
Yeah, that's hardly any, though.
(RETCHES)
Oh.
That's gross.
- But I guess it's kind of cute.
- Well...
Mm.
Where's Beverly?
(CHATTERING, RETCHING CONTINUES)
Ms Hatupatu?
(WHISTLES)
IMITATES BIRD: Krrrrr!
Ms Hatupatu?
ALL: Eight, seven,
reports of excessive noise
- from this penthouse apartment.
- (PANTS)
I mean, it's quite hard to explain
when we're running up the stairs.
Not that we're puffed
or anything like that.
Apparently, there's been
a lot of screaming and screeching.
Yeah, but what's the difference
between a scream and a screech?
- (MUFFLED SCREECH, CRASHING)
- Well, that's a screech.
- (MUFFLED SCREAM)
- That's a scream. Got it. OK.
Open up!
(MUFFLED CLATTERING)
- (SIGHS HEAVILY)
- Oh, thanks, O'Leary.
I've actually been thinking
a lot about my childhood lately.
We went to Rainbow's End,
and my brother made me go on
the Fearfall, and I was just...
- I wasn't really ready for it.
- I meant the guy behind the door.
- (MUFFLED CRASH)
- Yeah, so... so did i.
- Yeah.
- Open up!
- Oh, thank God you're here.
- Thank you. Hello.
- Come in.
- Thank you.
I called you cos... it came in
and... and it did all of this.
It stole my Xbox controller!
Probably a bit old for an Xbox
anyway, aren't you, mate?
- What happened to your, uh...
- your chest there, sir?
It was trying to take my necklace.
We'll get you some help for that
at some stage soon.
So, this thing that did that,
how would you describe it?
- I don't know.
- It was... some kind of beast.
- You got any other adjectives?
- Enormous.
Um, squawking.
OK. And when it came,
what did it do?
- It did this.
- Yep?
Did this.
Uh, it did this.
- It did this.
- Did it do that?
Nah, that was my nephew ...
came over last week.
- And it took my chandelier.
- Chandelier? Inner-city apartment?
Bit over the top.
This would be the entry
and exit point for the beast.
- The door?
- The smashed door.
- Hey.
- What's that?
O'Leary...
you reckon this could have
anything to do with it?
(RATTLING)
(SINISTER CROAK)
('WELLINGTON PARANORMAL' THEME MUSIC)
So, there have been
a spate of power cuts
in the Brooklyn area,
near the wind turbine.
This is what we refer
to as brownouts.
(SNIGGERING)
What, Parker?
- Nothing, Sarge.
- Right.
- So, these brownouts...
- (SNIGGERS)
What's so funny
about brownouts, Parker?
Oh, it's... I was... I was just
remembering a knock-knock joke.
- And how does that go?
- Oh. OK. Well, you start.
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
Brownouts?
That's not how it goes.
- All right.
- So, let's concentrate, please.
There are far more important
matters at hand, such as ...
a number of unusual robberies have
been occurring across the city.
Shiny objects missing,
such as silverware, cutlery, DVDs
and something else
far more upsetting.
(KEY CLICKS, OFFICERS GASP)
- (SIGHS) Yes.
- Ellington?
- Where's that?
- Well, it's here, Minogue.
- Clearly, somebody stole the W.
- It could've been an Aucklander.
Hmm. What are
they gonna do with a W?
What have you got there?
- Quill.
- Where did you get that?
We should probably
talk to you about it, Sarge.
Wow. I thought, 'Well,
that doesn't seem that threatening, '
but upon seeing this...
I mean, we thought it could
be extremely threatening.
Yeah. Especially
if you're really ticklish,
like in the armpit or on your leg.
We think what we encountered
was pretty scary, actually, Sarge.
It had trashed a man's apartment ...
Mm.
- Made a real mess.
- It was messy.
Took some notes, and we found out
that it was enormous
and also squawking.
And I spoke to a witness who said,
'I only just got here just now.
'I don't know what
you're talking about.'
- Right.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Ah. I've, uh, invited someone
who I think may be able to help us.
Uh, you can come in. Just let me, uh,
use our special unlocking mechanism.
Blip!
(IMITATES DOOR WHIRRING, UNLOCKING)
IMITATES AUTOMATED VOICE:
Doors unlocked.
Come in.
(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
Minogue, O'Leary,
this is Beverly Hatupatu.
- She is an endangered-bird expert.
- Kia or a.
- Kia or a, Beverly.
- Kia or a.
- Please close the door.
- It's a secret door.
(IMITATES DOOR WHIRRING, LOCKING)
IMITATES AUTOMATED VOICE:
Office secure.
- Here. If you will.
- Oh! That's an incredible specimen.
WHISPERS: Sarge. Sarge,
are you sure she should be in here?
I mean, you told us we had to get
special clearance
- to come in here and...
- It's OK. I trust her.
I met her on an internet bird forum.
- Oh, is that what Twitter is?
- No, no.
You're very lucky
to have found this.
- It's a moa, isn't it? Is it moa?
- This is a tertiary pennae volatus.
- That's a kind of bird, is it?
- It's a flight feather.
'Tertiary' means that it's
the smallest feather of the wing.
And judging by the colouring,
this thing's female.
I think I know what you're dealing
with here. She's very dangerous.
She can swallow you whole
in one go, just... just like a...
(IMITATES BIRD GULPING)
Ugh.
(SWALLOWS, SCREECH ES)
(SIGHS) Down you go.
My great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-grandfather
encountered it many moons ago.
- She really likes her grandfather.
- I mean, this is incredible.
- Are you into birds?
- Oh, you know. I dabble.
It's also been taking
a lot of shiny things,
possibly to build a nest.
There's also the issue
of power cuts and wind surges.
Wind could be its source
of power, and that's...
O'LEARY, MAAKA, HATUPATU:
...why she chose Wellington.
- ...chose Wellington.
- Mm.
Ms Hatupatu, what is
our tactical approach
- for capturing whatever this is?
- I have an idea.
- What is it?
- WHISPERS: I will avenge my whanau.
Uh, excuse me? Can you speak up?
I will ensure the safety
of this creature
and make sure that we capture it
in a humane manner
OK. And how will you do that?
BEVERLY: I've spent
my entire life searching...
So, Beverly's just baiting
the trap at the moment
with really shiny objects. Um,
she's had to improvise a little bit,
but sometimes simple
is actually best,
so I really respect her for that.
Um, we know that the creature has
an affinity towards shiny things,
so we're gonna use the iconic
Wellington Fern Ball sculpture
to attract her here
to this location,
and then hopefully she'll land
when she sees the really
attractive, um, objects.
And then we just pull the rope...
- and we'll trap her in the box.
- Yeah.
I've given up some of my most prized
possessions to help the cause.
Um, often, that's what
policing is, isn't it?
Is, um, you give up the things
that matter to you the most
in order to try and protect
the community
- as much as you possibly can.
- Mm.
In this case, it includes
some Andre Rieu live CDs,
which are... some real
classics in there;
also my handcuffs,
which I never really use;
I found some paper clips; um...
(ELECTRICITY SPARKS)
- (MINOGUE, O'LEARY GASP)
- She's near.
It's almost time. (BREATHES HEAVILY)
It appears that she's,
uh, getting closer.
We do think that she would
have to be a real birdbrain
to fall for this,
so it might just work perfectly.
The most important part
is to not hurt her, OK?
It'll be much more helpful
for the ornithological research
- and for my iwi.
- So, do you know what she is?
She's a Birdwoman.
Kurangaituku.
She held my great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-
great-great-grandfather hostage.
She's half woman, half bird,
the size of a tree,
with claws like knives.
Very powerful ...
and, like, extremely dangerous.
- You say she's as big as a tree.
- Do you mean like a real little tree?
I'm just wondering as well ...
like, when you said knives,
do you mean like
really small knives?
- Or like spoons?
- (EERIE SCREECH IN DISTANCE)
Ha. Awesome.
- (CLICKS TONGUE, SIGHS)
- (BIRD CHIRPS)
- They should've set the trap by now.
- I'm gonna call them.
Uh, can we please move
this cage, Parker?
Why did you bring
this bird in for anyway?
That's my budgie, Paul.
I thought we could study his
behaviour and it might help us.
I don't see the value of that,
- to be honest.
- Oh, OK.
- I would just like the...
- Oh.
- ...cage to be removed from the...
- Oh.
WHISPERS: Sorry, Paul.
(PAUL CHIRPS)
- What do you think he's thinking?
- No idea.
- What do you think he's thinking?
- Yeah.
I'm thinking he's thinking,
'Wow. Sarge looks like a great guy.
'I wouldn't mind living
at his place.'
So, we're just playing
a waiting game.
There's no sign of
the bird just yet.
(ARCADE MUSIC RINGTONE)
- Who is it?
- Sarge.
- Yeah, gidday, Sarge.
- What does he want?
- Yeah, we're all good.
- Yeah, just playing the waiting game.
- I'm not really sure of the rules.
- Wh...?
Beverly?
- Yeah, she's all good.
- BEVERLY: Whoa! (SCREAMS)
Yeah, she's playing
the waiting game too.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(EERIE SCREECH IN DISTANCE)
Yeah.
Yeah. OK.
Yep, No, gotta go.
Gotta go.
Ta-ta.
Where's Beverly gone?
- (LOUD SCREECH)
- There!
- That Birdwoman's got her.
- Come on! In pursuit! Let's go.
No, no. Run, run, run, run!
It's faster. Come on, this way!
- It's faster in a straight line!
- OK. Right. OK, OK.
It's faster in a straight line.
- See?
- Pull me up.
- I'll get down.
- I'll give you a hand up.
(PANTS)
GRUNTS: One, two, three.
- Up.
- Let's run.
- Come on.
- This way.
While staking out the Birdwoman,
the Birdwoman took the bird woman.
- I'm confused.
- We need to find the Birdwoman.
Yeah, but the woman who likes
birds or the 'half bird, half woman'?
- Both!
- Oh, right.
- I'm gonna grab my stuff.
- There's no time, Minogue!
There's some rare CD5
in here, O'Leary.
There's no such thing
as a rare CD.
- You wouldn't know.
- What do you know about CD5?
You don't even like music.
MUFFLED: You don't even let me
put music on in the car
most of the time.
- Minogue, O'Leary. Come in. Over.
- (RT CRACKLES)
Are you there? Over.
Hello. Minogue, O'Leary,
are you there? Over.
- (PAUL SCREECHES)
- Hey, wh...? Hey!
- Whoa, whoa!
- Oh!
What did you do that for, Parker?
Well, we have to give him
free will. That's how we'll learn.
Well, th-that's a terrible idea.
- Don't worry, Sarge.
- I know how to calm him down.
- (PAUL CHIRPS)
- Cheep! Cheep!
(PAUL CHIRPS)
- Paul's interested.
- (PAUL CHIRPS)
- That's great.
- Cheep, cheep, cheep! Cheep, cheep!
- Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep!
- You're on to something, Parker.
That's genius!
- Come here, Paul. Cheep, cheep!
- Minogue, O'Leary. Come in.
- MINOGUE: To the office?
- Cheep!
We're actually doing something
pretty important here, Sarge.
The Birdwoman has taken
the bird woman.
MAAKA: No. 'Come in' as in,
'Listen to me over the radio.'
I have an idea.
- PARKER: ♪ Cheep, cheep.
- Try alluring the Birdwoman
- using mating calls.
- ♪ Cheep, cheep. Cheep, cheep.
- Hey.
- (PAUL CHIRPS)
What are you...? Hey!
- Uh, gotta go. Problem in the office.
- Copy that.
- OK... No. No.
- ♪ Cheep, ch-cheep.
- ♪ Ch-Cheep-cheep, cheep-cheep. ♪
- OK... Parker...
Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep!
- You think Sarge is OK?
- He sounds pretty stressed.
And he said,
'Try some mating calls.'
- Do you know any?
- Nah, not really.
I'm sort of like,
'Hey. How's it going?
'Um, I'm in the Police.
'It's pretty cool.
'Blow into this bag.'
I'm not sure he meant
those kinds of mating calls.
- Oh.
- I think he meant maybe
something to do with birds.
So maybe there's something
in Beverly's book.
There's some pretty
detailed drawings in here.
She seems a bit obsessed.
Well, maybe she's just
really passionate, you know?
And that's an admirable quality.
Can lead to
criminal behaviour, though.
- What, passion?
- Obsessive.
Look.
- This one looks like you.
- I'm driving.
Yeah. And you're also a birdwoman.
I don't see how a birdwoman
could look like me.
Look.
That's distracting me,
as a driver.
- Put it down, please.
- That looks exactly like you.
I... find that
very hard to believe.
Here we go ... mating calls.
- What does that say?
- I'm driving.
Yeah. Use your left eye.
It says,
(IMITATES BIRD) 'Caaaawww!'
- I think.
- You might be right.
- (RT CRACKLES)
- IMITATES BIRD: Caw! Caw!
I'm not a threat to you, Paul.
- Oh! Oh!
- Uh-oh. Here, boy.
- Oh no.
- Hey. Hey, he's going over there.
- Oh, he's going to the office!
- He's gone into the office!
(GRUNTS)
- GRUNTS, PANTS: It's all right.
- On your feet, Officer.
- (BREATHES HEAVILY)
- Oh, it's all right.
- I'm just a little bit stunned.
- Where'd he go?
- Ohh...
- Oh!
- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Here we are. Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa.
(PAUL CHIRPS)
Here.
- Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.
- (CHIRPS)
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- (CHIRPS)
- Ah, ah!
- (GASPS) Oh!
- Ohh!
- Oh...
- Paul!
- (SIGHS EXASPERATEDLY)
As you can see, the bird is still
at large in the office.
- (CHIRPING, RUNNING FOOTSTEPS)
- Yep. Yep, you...
- That's on you. Try more of the, uh...
- (PANTS)
- ...the French seduction.
- (CHIRPS)
FRENCH ACCENT:
'Le... Le cheep. Le cheep-cheep.'
- Oh. Oh-la-la.
- 'Le cheep-cheep. Oh-la-i... cheep.'
Ch-Cheep.
- Ch-Cheep.
- Yeah. More sass.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
(CHIRPS)
- (RT CRACKLES)
- Brrr! Brrr!
- What is that?
- Brr... It's a bird call.
- Sounds like a phone.
- Doesn't sound like a phone.
Do it properly. That's not how you
do it. You can do better than that.
- HIGHER PITCH: Brrr! Brrr!
- (FEEDBACK WHINES)
- Let me have a go.
- (RT CRACKLES)
- Eeee! Eeee!
- (FEEDBACK WHINES)
- No, it's not working.
- Look, we've got to try harder.
The endangered bird
expert is in danger.
So she's endangered?
Yeah. She's an endangered
endangered bird expert.
Let me have another turn. One more.
(RT CRACKLES)
Krrrraaw! Krrraw!
(FEEDBACK WHINES)
(EERIE SCREECH IN DISTANCE)
Do you think
that was her, Minogue?
- I reckon it was, O'Leary.
- (WINDOW WHIRRS)
Did Sarge tell us what to do
if we attracted the Birdwoman?
- (SCREECHING CONTINUES)
- No.
- She's getting closer.
- It's getting really, really loud.
- (LOUD SCREECH OVERHEAD)
- Eyes on bird! Eyes on bird!
Sarge, we found her.
O'Leary did an amazing bird call.
Do it again, O'Leary.
- (CRASH!)
- (SHRIEKS)
- No, it wasn't like that.
- It was more sort of like...
- (CRASH!)
- Aaargh!
- Don't like it. Don't like it.
- Whoa! Whoa!
- (BIRDWOMAN CAWS)
- I wanna get down!
- Just calm down, Minogue.
- Calm down.
- (BREATHES HEAVILY)
- Just breathe. Yeah, good. Good.
You breathe too, Beverly. Breathe!
- (CRASH! BIRDWOMAN CAWS, CACKLES)
- BEVERLY: Hey! Help me! Ohhh!
- (BREATHES RAPIDLY) Seatbelts off?
- Copy.
- (CLICK! CAR CREAKS, GROANS)
- Oof! (PANTS)
- Don't do that.
- Help.
(METAL GROANS, BOTH PANT)
- I don't think we should move.
- I agree. We should not move.
I'll count to three, and then we'll
both leap out of the car as one.
- What are you doing?
- GRUNTS: Getting my jacket.
We don't need our jackets.
I've already lost three
this month.
I'm not gonna lose another one.
They cost a fortune.
(BREATHES SHAKILY) You ready?
- Three, tw...
- Come on, O'Leary!
What...? Minogue!
(GRUNTS) MUFFLED:
You're sitting on my face!
- You all right?
- Yeah, I'm good.
- No, I'm good.
- Am I OK?
- What?
- Am I OK?
- Are you OK? Are you OK?
- PANTS: Yeah, I think so.
- Yeah. You look good.
- (BOTH BREATHE HEAVILY)
- (METAL GROANS)
- O'Leary. The car.
- The car. The car.
- Ah.
- The car. The car.
- Yep.
God... Look out!
- Heads!
- (DISTANT CRASH, CAR ALARM WAILS)
Um, so it looks as though the, uh,
woman bird has enormous strength
and is very dangerous
to pedestrians.
Um, we need to apprehend
the suspect as soon as possible
to, um, save Beverly,
and we'd also like
to warn the public
about the potential dangers
of falling patrol cars.
Looks like she's heading
to the wind turbine.
- (DISTANT SCREECHING, SCREAMING)
- She must be messing with it
and causing all the power outages
in Brooklyn. We've got to get there.
Yeah, but how? I'm not sure
the car's gonna be all right.
No, no. What... What are you doing?
I was just seeing if we could
still take the car, but no.
- No.
- We need another plan.
- Busy night tonight, driver?
- Not too bad.
Did you guys hear about that cop car
that fell off
the Majestic Centre tonight?
No. I haven't
caught up with that one.
Crazy. You'd expect your cops
to be the first ones to...
We need to get to the
Brooklyn Wind Turbine.
I know. Uh, you entered it
into the app.
See that little
computer there, O'Leary?
- Yeah, that's...
- That's how it works with Uber.
- You see that blue line?
- Just all goes in there.
- I understand Uber...
- Yeah, and you load it...
- That's for the...
- .and I don't need to be
- mansplained about Uber.
- ...path, the direction.
No, that's not mansplaining.
Mansplaining is when you
over-explain something
that's really simple,
um, when it always comes from a man,
- um, to a woman.
- Yeah.
- Sort of the difference is...
- with that
was it was explaining something that
was a little bit more complicated.
. When you grasp a concept.
- Break it down to little parts...
- Yeah.
...and explain those little parts
in small detail.
- O'LEARY ON RT: Sarge, come in.
- (BIRD CHIRPS)
- Come in, Sarge.
- (PEOPLE EXCLAIM)
- Ohh.
- Argh!
- Here, Paulie. Here, boy! Come down!
- PARKER, PANTING: Oh, gosh.
- So stuffy... chasing birds.
- Come down! (SMOOCHES)
OK.
(MUTTERING)
- Hey. Over there. Over there.
- Oh. Oh, God.
OK. Move forward.
PAUL: (BLEEP) the police.
(SCOFFS) What are you
teaching this bird, Parker?
- (SIGHS) It's not actually mine.
- It's my Uncle Trev's.
I'm just bird-sitting.
Clearly your Uncle Trevor
doesn't have any respect
- for our profession whatsoever.
- PAUL: (BLEEP) the police!
- So, this is not appropriate.
- It is not on.
- Come on.
- Here we go. Get in the...
- (BLEEP) the police!
- Get in the cage, Paul!
- (BLEEP) the police!
- You know what? Look,
I think we've done everything we can.
- (BLEEP) the police!
- I think everybody just stand down,
all right? We just stand down...
- (BLEEP) the police!
- ...until this bird calms down.
- (BLEEP) the police!
- Aargh!
- Look out for the fan!
- (LOUD WHIRRING, OFFICERS GASP)
(MURMURING)
- (COUGHS)
- WOMAN: Is it dead?
Uh, regrettably,
the assailant was resisting
and using quite offensive language
and is now a casualty.
Moving forward, I think we will take
steps to inform the next of kin,
um, what has transgressed here.
Unfortunately, the... the...
this is a result of, uh,
sometimes what we deal with
in the New Zealand Police.
O'LEARY: Hey, Sarge,
we've followed the Birdwoman
to the Brooklyn Wind Turbine.
- MAAKA ON RT: Roger that.
- Heading over now.
- (DEBRIS CLATTERS)
- Uber driver dropped us miles away.
Hey, look.
Yeah. I mean, obviously,
um, potentially,
because this creature
is a birdwoman,
she might not be aware of the fact
that all of this stuff
is actually recyclable.
Um, so I guess we'll just
give her a warning for that
when we catch up with her.
(SCREECHING, SCREAMING IN DISTANCE)
- Did you hear that?
- Yeah.
- (GRUNTS)
- BIRDWOMAN: Waiho tenei wahi!
That's Maori for,
'Leave this place.'
Beverly must be right ...
she is Kurangaituku.
- Well, we could leave this place.
- I mean, she asked nicely.
- We've gotta rescue Beverly.
- Yeah, but the Birdwoman
- eats people, I hear.
- That's why we've gotta keep going.
Well, that could be the reason
why we don't go.
Leave the springs.
- (SPRINGS CLATTER)
- Can I get them on the way back?
(BOTH PANT)
- I won.
- It's not a competition.
Look ... a giant nest.
Do you think it's related
to the giant bird?
Yes.
Then one of us is probably
gonna have to go up there.
We're both going. Come on.
Looks to be faeces
of an avian nature.
Do you think if she pooed on you,
it'd still be considered good luck?
Could be a considerably
large amount of good luck.
Good |uck'd be absolutely
dripping off you.
- Ascending ladder.
- Go, go, go, go, go.
Safely ... ascending ladder safely.
- Ah!
- Ah!
Fingers.
(BOTH PANT)
Maybe we should just...
take the 'W' and go.
- There's Beverly.
- (CHICKS CHITTER)
Take Beverly and the 'W' and go.
I ki atu ahau kia kaua
e haere mai ki konei!
Uh, good evening.
I'm Officer O'Leary.
This is Officer Minogue.
- Uh, we're here to help you.
- You are actually interrupting.
- So...
- Or visiting,
- depending on how you look at it.
- Yeah.
- Oh, kei te pai, kei te pai.
- MINOGUE, O'LEARY: Yeah.
- Got any biscuits?
- Uh...
- Sarge.
- (BREATHES HEAVILY)
- What the...?
- I got stitch!
- Sgt Maaka.
- I got stitch.
Maybe I should just deploy
tranquiliser, Sarge.
Don't you dare hurt
my beautiful babies.
She's a mother.
- (CHICKS CHITTER)
- Oh. Aue! Haere mai.
- It's feeding time.
- Excuse me, Birdwoman.
That's, uh, Beverly.
She's a member of the public.
You can't just let your chicks
ingest her in that fashion.
Well, of course not.
I'm going to swallow her, and then
I'm gonna regurgitate her,
like this.
- (RETCHES)
- O'LEARY: OK, I think
- we really have to help her.
- Wait. Sarge,
- there's a big fan outside.
- You're right, Parker.
We can't have a repeat
of what happened to Paul.
Never again.
We've gotta time this just right.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Uh, tena koe, Kurangaituku.
(DEAFENING SCREECH)
Don't you dare come any closer.
Ugh. Come into my house,
try and steal my food ... aue!
To be fair, you did whoosh
and break into multiple homes
and steal many shiny objects.
You know what? My instincts as
a bird wants to eat you right now,
- so you'd better hush-hush, girl.
- Uh, hey. Whoa, whoa.
Uh, kia tau, kia tau
I te manu wahine ataahua.
Ooh. Aue!
Don't try to smooth-talk me,
handsome.
I might gobble you up too. (GIGGLES)
- Sarge, you're blushing.
- She might take that as a threat.
Just trying to
calm her down, Parker.
- (GIGGLES)
- Do you have a clear shot?
- Affirmative.
- Enough talk.
You've interrupted my dinner time.
- Deploy the tranquiliser, Parker!
- Take the shot! Take the shot!
(TRANQUILISER GUN FIRES,
MAAKA GRUNTS)
WEAKLY: Why?
- Parker, you got Sarge.
- Why did you shut your eyes?
- Get away. Get away, please.
- (CHICKS CHITTER)
I didn't want her babies
to see me shooting her,
so I just kind of went like this
- and went like that.
- Aargh!
Oh!.
SLURS: Parker.
- (THUD!)
- OK, gun down.
Tranquiliser down.
- Tranquiliser away.
- OK.
Oh, that... Away. Down.
- Good result...
- Argh! Oh no.
Oh. (MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY)
(THUD!)
Um, so, obviously,
here in the Police,
we just are here to look
after the community ...
all members of the community.
So, yes, we had officers down,
um, but it was all for a good cause,
- and it was to save you, Beverly...
- Oh!
- ...and Birdwoman.
- It's all good. All good, bubs.
And, um, that's all part of
the service that we provide.
The, uh, New Zealand Police.
Um, end of the day, though,
I think... good result.
- (BIRDS TWITTER)
- O'LEARY: Mm.
Sometimes in our investigations,
we realise we have more in common
with the paranormal
than you'd think.
Mm. I mean, in this case, yes, she
does feed on the blood of innocents,
um, but she's also a solo mother
just trying to navigate
her way through life.
And, yes, she does have
the body of a bird,
but she also has
the head of a woman ...
a woman just trying
to feed her kids.
I mean, looking back through
Ms Hatupatu's notes,
we did find several
mentions of her...
- ...wanting to seek revenge
- BEVERLY: Hey! Hey. Oi!
for a generations-long
feud between
- No!
- ...her family and the Birdwoman's.
But she's since changed
her attitude,
um, and agreed to study
the creature for science,
um, as it's no longer deemed
as a threat to her
- or her family.
- Mm.
And I think, end of the day,
it was a tremendous
group effort by the team.
(BIRDWOMAN SCREECHES)
- Yeah, that's right, O'Leary.
- We did it.
You can't spell 'Wellington
Paranormal Unit' without 'we'.
Uh, there's no I's in there.
(BIRDWOMAN BELCHES, CHICKS CHITTER)
There's a couple.
Yeah, that's hardly any, though.
(RETCHES)
Oh.
That's gross.
- But I guess it's kind of cute.
- Well...
Mm.
Where's Beverly?
(CHATTERING, RETCHING CONTINUES)
Ms Hatupatu?
(WHISTLES)
IMITATES BIRD: Krrrrr!
Ms Hatupatu?
ALL: Eight, seven,